Alone: Why don't they log on anymore - 11/4/08

[2008/11/04 7:07] Pirate Russell: Ok, please take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[2008/11/04 7:07] Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! As most of y'all know, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor. I have been in SL for nearly 3 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[2008/11/04 7:07] Pirate Russell: If any need to leave early, the transcript for this, and all other classes can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com.
[2008/11/04 7:08] Pirate Russell: Note, I'm WAY behind on this, will have them caught up tomorrow at latest, I PROMISE
[2008/11/04 7:08] Pirate Russell: Our topic today, "Alone: Why don't they log on anymore?".
[2008/11/04 7:08] Pirate Russell: alone by ~Hoeg on deviantART ( http://bdsmforbeginners.blogspot.com/search/label/Cyber%20Kink%20Issues )
[2008/11/04 7:08] Pirate Russell: "She's been my Mistress for 9 months.Now our blog's gone and She's not responding to email"
[2008/11/04 7:08] Pirate Russell: "We were about to collar her and she vanished without a word"
[2008/11/04 7:08] Pirate Russell: "I don't think I'm going to get to see Her again for a long while...if ever.
[2008/11/04 7:09] Pirate Russell: *She's deleted Her yahoo account. "
[2008/11/04 7:09] Pirate Russell: "How long do I wait? I can't seem to move forward"
[2008/11/04 7:09] Pirate Russell: One day you are happy, playing with your online BDSM play partner, chatting about inconsequential things and planning your next time together.
[2008/11/04 7:09] Pirate Russell: The next day, without warning, your world falls apart. Your partner fails to turn up online. They don't respond to your attempts to contact them. Their email address bounces.
[2008/11/04 7:09] Pirate Russell: Their profile vanishes from the sites you both belong to. No one in your online community has heard from them. You panic: are they ill? Hurt? Dead in a car crash? How will you ever know?
[2008/11/04 7:09] Pirate Russell: You suddenly realize you have no way to find them. You search through every IM conversation record for facts about their real life - anything that might lead you to them...
[2008/11/04 7:09] Pirate Russell: Days pass. Weeks. You go from feeling concern to blaming yourself: you must have been a bad sub or Dom/me. You drove them away. Its all your fault. You must have said something wrong (but what??).
[2008/11/04 7:10] Pirate Russell: Then your mood switches to frustration and anger: how dare they do this? How could they? They said they cared. You were friends. More than friends. They knew you better than anyone. Then you feel despair: you feel betrayed.
[2008/11/04 7:10] Pirate Russell: How long must you wait? WHERE ARE THEY???? Then you just feel numb.
[2008/11/04 7:10] Pirate Russell: Sometimes they never come back. Sometimes they do. That can be worse.
[2008/11/04 7:10] Pirate Russell: Welcome to the world of online loss.
[2008/11/04 7:11] Pirate Russell: It's a remarkably common experience - most of us with online play partners (whether for online sex, dating, BDSM or even on games like Second Life) will unfortunately encounter it in some form.
[2008/11/04 7:11] Pirate Russell: Equally unfortunately there's very little written about it, but it's an experience you don't want to go through alone.
[2008/11/04 7:11] Pirate Russell: This BDSM For Beginners post will hopefully provide you with some ways to understand it, cope with it and hopefully in future avoid it.
[2008/11/04 7:11] Pirate Russell: I. WHY DO PEOPLE DISAPPEAR ONLINE?
[2008/11/04 7:11] Pirate Russell: It's impossible to speak for individuals, but we can draw some general observations about why / when people disappear:
[2008/11/04 7:11] Pirate Russell: Disappearing at the end of a relationship:
[2008/11/04 7:11] Pirate Russell: In this case your partner vanishes after an argument, or things go wrong. They may cut off all contact and make public statements like deleting their blogs or profiles.
[2008/11/04 7:12] Pirate Russell: In these cases you have some warning that things are going wrong, so while the whole experience is upsetting (as is the end of any relationship, whether kinky or vanilla, or real time or online) at least you have an understanding of why it occurred.
[2008/11/04 7:12] Pirate Russell: Many people are sincere in wanting to dismantle the online persona they utilized with you, at the end of a relationships.
[2008/11/04 7:12] Pirate Russell: However be aware that others use the threat of vanishing as a nasty means to control their partner, when an online relationship is in trouble.
[2008/11/04 7:13] Pirate Russell: In these cases they may not entirely delete their profile but might delete their friends list, etc and leave a statement claiming they no longer use the site (this always looks very silly when you can see elsewhere on their page that they are online).
[2008/11/04 7:13] Pirate Russell: If your partner turns out to be playing this sort of game, while there is certainly hope you might get back together (or else why would they still be around)
[2008/11/04 7:13] Pirate Russell: it might be time to have a good hard think about whether you really want to continue in a relationship with someone who plays around with your mind and heart in such a manner.
[2008/11/04 7:13] Pirate Russell: II.DISSAPPEARING BECAUSE OF REAL LIFE ISSUES:
[2008/11/04 7:13] Pirate Russell: In these circumstances, you may or may not get warning, depending how close you are to your online partner and how much they discuss their real life with you. If they do, then you will be aware of whatever crisis they are facing.
[2008/11/04 7:14] Pirate Russell: If not, they leave an email or IM message for you, saying that they have a problem and need some time offline. It may not provide all the information you want but at least such a message means you know where they are,
[2008/11/04 7:14] Pirate Russell: and that your online relationship will hopefully be able to resume when their situation is improved. They may of course also leave a message that says their problem is ongoing (such as trying to fix a marriage) and they won't be back.
[2008/11/04 7:14] Pirate Russell: Disappearing for a while due to online fatigue:
[2008/11/04 7:14] Pirate Russell: Sometimes people just need to take a break for a while. They may leave a message. Other times there is no warning, although looking back you will probably recognize your partner was under stress.
[2008/11/04 7:14] Pirate Russell: They don't delete anything online, they just don't seem to come online anymore and become impossible to contact.
[2008/11/04 7:15] Pirate Russell: I'm guilty of this myself. I call it Mistress Fatigue - a desperate need to have a break from your online persona for a while. I always come back. But I just need some space. If you seem to be encountering this kind of disappearance,
[2008/11/04 7:15] Pirate Russell: there is one magic word that solves the problem: patience. Trust your partner. They will be back, and they will appreciate the patience and consideration you have shown.
[2008/11/04 7:15] Pirate Russell: III. DISAPEARING WITHOUT WARNING:
[2008/11/04 7:15] Pirate Russell: This is the scenario I outlined at the beginning of this post. You get no warning at all: they are simply gone. The worst scenario going through your head - that they may have died - is unlikely
[2008/11/04 7:15] Pirate Russell: (although I know one sub who did lose a great friend and Mistress this way, when she died unexpectedly). They may be in hospital, or have close relatives in hospital, and be unable to get online.
[2008/11/04 7:15] Pirate Russell: Their computer may have broken down. They may have forgotten to pay their wireless bill. Or gone on an unexpected business trip.
[2008/11/04 7:16] Pirate Russell: All these reasons work well in the short term, but they don't work after a week or so. Nor do they offer comfort if your partner has deleted their online personas.
[2008/11/04 7:16] Pirate Russell: At some point you may just have to face up (as I once did) to the cold hard fact that someone you care about simply does not care enough about you to get in touch and explain their actions.
[2008/11/04 7:16] Pirate Russell: Although nothing has been specifically written about BDSM online relationship disappearances, you can find responses (such as B Z on datingdame.com) documenting reasons for vanishing during online dating:
[2008/11/04 7:16] Pirate Russell: "When I mysteriously disappear online, it usually means I am afraid of rejection.
[2008/11/04 7:17] Pirate Russell: I am afraid of the person saying, "Hurrumph, she said she was not fat". I am afraid of becoming all nervous and silly and making a fool of myself by saying the wrong things. And if I do manage to overcome these worries, I have the secondary fear of reject
[2008/11/04 7:17] Pirate Russell: If the person is, in real life, dull or bad-tempered, I don't want to have gotten all excited about a date only to have to turn down their request for another one."
[2008/11/04 7:17] Pirate Russell: But these reasons don't seem to apply to online only BDSM relationships, unless your partner vanished just before you arranged to meet.
[2008/11/04 7:17] Pirate Russell: You may find some hint in your relationship's history (I was told much later that my gone-without-warning sub did not want to tell me she was moving to a real time dominant).
[2008/11/04 7:17] Pirate Russell: But let's be honest, you may never hear why. Perhaps the only "why" we will ever know is one Dragon Lord touches on indirectly in The Views From The Dragon's Lair: Dealing With Running:
[2008/11/04 7:18] Pirate Russell: "Ever notice how many people are running everyday? Running here and there, running to their jobs, running to their homes, running to make money, running from debt, running from so many things: pain, love, commitment, the past, the future.
[2008/11/04 7:18] Pirate Russell: Sometimes I wonder if they really know what they are running from. In this life from a Dominant's perspective we see a lot of this running, we encounter it constantly ....
[2008/11/04 7:18] Pirate Russell: "[Some people even run] from their goals. Once they realized that you were not the other person, that you were true to your word, then they became scared of the commitment that will incur their desires coming true. .....
[2008/11/04 7:18] Pirate Russell: There are so many different reasons that people run: i.e. the fear of not being needed, the fear of disappointing, the fear of having disappointed, and the fear of rejection, of acceptance, of success and of failure".
[2008/11/04 7:19] Pirate Russell: IV. WHAT DO YOU FEEL WHEN THIS HAPPENS?
[2008/11/04 7:19] Pirate Russell: Well, obviously you feel like shit. I grieved for months. Another friend who is currently experiencing this recently wrote:
[2008/11/04 7:19] Pirate Russell: "I understand real life comes first. There have been times where I've walked away for one reason or another. I've hurt people in the past, never intentionally but it has happened and I still regret it ...
[2008/11/04 7:19] Pirate Russell: Understanding doesn't make it any easier though ... [I'm] feeling abandoned, confused, lost ... just wishing to have one last conversation to talk things over. There are no hard feelings, just things left unsaid and questions left unanswered ... ".
[2008/11/04 7:20] Pirate Russell: I felt exactly the same. He also faces the same terrible double bind - the uncertainty of whether to move on or to wait: "If She does come back soon, I don't want it to appear that I have been disloyal, or unfaithful.
[2008/11/04 7:20] Pirate Russell: But what if She doesn't come back?". People in other areas on online life face the same issues, such as Carly, who experienced the disappearance of her marriage partner on Second Life:
[2008/11/04 7:20] Pirate Russell: "I don't know what to do. I'm normally a pretty aggressive, take charge kind of woman, but right now I feel so pathetic. How long do I wait to move on? A month? Two? Three? I don't know how long I can stand to feel like this.
[2008/11/04 7:20] ***KB*** gives Bunny Hastings a Sub Hug.
[2008/11/04 7:20] Pirate Russell: I went from having it all to having nothing but ashes. I don't want another girl, I want the one I had..."
[2008/11/04 7:20] Pirate Russell: But on the other hand, you have to start to think of your own needs, as my friend did:
[2008/11/04 7:21] Pirate Russell: "Will She be back? How long will it take? How long should I wait? That last [question] is kind of a big one for me. I use my time online to express myself, to satisfy that submissive itch that I have, that cannot be ignored.
[2008/11/04 7:21] Pirate Russell: If it goes too long without being scratched I find myself depressed, irritable, and just not myself".
[2008/11/04 7:21] Pirate Russell: This brings us to the next question: your survival.
[2008/11/04 7:21] Pirate Russell: V. HOW DO I COPE, IN PRACTICAL TERMS?
[2008/11/04 7:21] Pirate Russell: Firstly, and most importantly BY NOT BLAMING YOURSELF.
[2008/11/04 7:22] Pirate Russell: The fact your play partner has vanished IS NOT YOUR FAULT. You are not a bad sub or a bad Dom/me. You did not fail. You did not drive them away. Their disappearance is about their issues, not yours.
[2008/11/04 7:22] Pirate Russell: Secondly, treat yourself gently. You are in mourning and in shock: give yourself your normal post BDSM scene aftercare. Look after yourself.
[2008/11/04 7:22] Pirate Russell: Here are some issues you might have to deal with:
[2008/11/04 7:22] Pirate Russell: Trying to find them:
[2008/11/04 7:22] Pirate Russell: Okay so you are convinced they are out there, injured somewhere, or alone and hurt. What can you do? Well again this entirely depends on the information you exchanged during your online relationship.
[2008/11/04 7:22] Pirate Russell: If you have a real name and a city, you probably CAN track them down. But think this through; you don't want to be accused of stalking so use the info you have to make sure they are alive and well - and then let them be.
[2008/11/04 7:23] Pirate Russell: If you never exchanged real names its going to be tricky to find them. You might be able to do it on the basis of other information.
[2008/11/04 7:23] Pirate Russell: Its also important to talk to others in your online community - they may have more recent information (I heard one story where a Mistress left a message for her sub with other subs in a chatroom, when she had to leave the country in a hurry)
[2008/11/04 7:23] Pirate Russell: or be aware if your partner has done this in the past, before you came on the scene
[2008/11/04 7:23] Pirate Russell: Contacting them again:
[2008/11/04 7:23] Pirate Russell: Some people will tell you after any relationship finishes (vanilla or otherwise) to burn the photos, chuck out the momentos and never contact them again. So re contacting someone who has disappeared,
[2008/11/04 7:23] Pirate Russell: I guess it comes down to how badly you were hurt during your period of loss.
[2008/11/04 7:23] Pirate Russell: Sure, if it doesn't feel good, then leave them be. But if you still feel something for them, and you believe they are out there somewhere and still picking up their mail, then why not drop them the odd line?
[2008/11/04 7:23] Pirate Russell: Wish them Happy Birthday, Merry Xmas and Happy New Year. It lets them know you are thinking of them. There is also the chance they may respond.
[2008/11/04 7:24] Pirate Russell: In the online dating world, B Z advises that when she disappears online, what people should do in response is "DON'T go all stalkery on me, sending email after email imploring me to respond.
[2008/11/04 7:24] Pirate Russell: The best thing to do would be to continue to send the occasional email just to keep in touch. Perhaps ask for my help with something - you need to buy a present for a teenaged niece, or you need to translate something into a language I know.
[2008/11/04 7:24] Pirate Russell: You might invite me to a group event. If you are painting your house and inviting everyone you know over to help paint and then eat barbecue, I just might show up".
[2008/11/04 7:24] Pirate Russell: What to do if/when they turn up again:
[2008/11/04 7:24] Pirate Russell: This is the hardest part of all. You go through weeks, possibly months of grieving. You finally move on ... and then one day they reappear. Invariably this happens long after you have stopped dreaming of it happening!
[2008/11/04 7:25] Pirate Russell: In many cases, the person hardly gives any explanation but often seems to expect the relationship to pick up as if they had never been away.
[2008/11/04 7:25] Pirate Russell: Many Dom/mes have spoken to me about this. It's rare that the relationship is resumed, because trust has been so profoundly broken - would you ever believe their promise that it wouldn't happen again?
[2008/11/04 7:25] Pirate Russell: But why don't you at least try to preserve the friendship? However: do be prepared. They often disappear again.
[2008/11/04 7:25] Pirate Russell: VI. WHAT CAN I DO TO AVOIDIT HAPPENING (AGAIN)?
[2008/11/04 7:25] Pirate Russell: A lot of this has to do with personalities and individual relationships and it seems impossible to generalize, but there are a few things you can do:
[2008/11/04 7:25] Pirate Russell: * Exchange real names and contact details. I've made this a part of all online sub contracts since my own experience.
[2008/11/04 7:25] Pirate Russell: * Set up a contact scheme for emergencies: Some Dom/mes arrange for a third party to be involved, to contact their subs if the Dom/me has a family crisis, health emergency, etc. Discuss with each other what might work for you both.
[2008/11/04 7:26] Pirate Russell: * Talk about online disappearances. Make sure the topic comes up in conversation with your partner during good times. Ask them if they have ever done it, what their feelings are about it.
[2008/11/04 7:26] Pirate Russell: It sounds trite and sure some people lie, but this remains a fairly successful way of finding out what they think. It also gives you an opportunity to get your own thoughts about it across.
[2008/11/04 7:26] Pirate Russell: If your partner knows you'd be worried sick if they vanished, they may try more to keep you in the loop regarding their plans.
[2008/11/04 7:26] Pirate Russell: * Never take your online relationship for granted: the truth is you never know when someone might disappear - or other things might go wrong - so remember
[2008/11/04 7:26] Pirate Russell: every time you meet online to really appreciate your play partner and the wonderful BDSM times you are having. Your appreciation will be visible to them, and will make them appreciate you more as well.
[2008/11/04 7:27] Pirate Russell: And good luck!
[2008/11/04 7:27] Pirate Russell: Citation: http://bdsmforbeginners.blogspot.com/search/label/Cyber%20Kink%20Issues
[2008/11/04 7:27] Pirate Russell: The transcript for this, and all other classes can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2008/11/04 7:27] Pirate Russell: Eventually, he he
[2008/11/04 7:27] Pirate Russell: Questions?? Comments??
[2008/11/04 7:27] ***ML***: wow great lecture, I didn't even know this was such a problem
[2008/11/04 7:28] Zealot Benmergui: I feel the most imporatant element, as you mentioned, is not to jump to conclusions
[2008/11/04 7:28] Pirate Russell: TRUST Me, it's NO fun!
[2008/11/04 7:28] ***IM***: girl's first friend in SL suddenly disappeared during some fires that girl knew were near her house. She and girl had been very close, we even shared a house together. Then the fires and not a word. girl spent all of her money and managed to get another week of rent hoping she'd return. girl wrote IM after IM until they were capped and finally after six months girl heard she was okay, but she never returned to SL. The weekend before last was one year since she disappeared and girl wrote a final letter saying good bye. But even after all that, girl left her in her friends list just in case.
[2008/11/04 7:28] Pirate Russell: Exactly, and not to blame yourself! he he
[2008/11/04 7:28] ***AE*** nods, it's not fun. great discussion, thank you
[2008/11/04 7:29] Pirate Russell has some friends like that, ***IM***, and there were no fires! he he
[2008/11/04 7:29] Zealot Benmergui: I have found in my own history, it can become a snowball effect
[2008/11/04 7:29] Zealot Benmergui: lost a job or network connections...what was to be a couple weeks away drags on, until it has been a few months..and it becomes easier to just walk away and start something new elsewhere
[2008/11/04 7:30] Pirate Russell: Or build a new persona with an alt here...
[2008/11/04 7:30] Zealot Benmergui: lots of elements all combine with happenstance and acts of God
[2008/11/04 7:30] ***IM***: finding out she was okay just changed it from worry to sadness.
[2008/11/04 7:30] Pirate Russell would rather know, than worry, though.
[2008/11/04 7:30] Zealot Benmergui: the one time I was guilty of it, 10 years ago or so, it was a question of coming back online after a year break and just goping to a new world
[2008/11/04 7:30] ***IM*** nods to Mistress.
[2008/11/04 7:30] Pirate Russell shoots an ivis hug to her little sweet one!
[2008/11/04 7:31] Pirate Russell: er invis hug
[2008/11/04 7:31] Pirate Russell: In My experience there are only 2 kinds of SL'ers.. those that have lost someone, and those that will. I'm sorry to say it, but it is what it is
[2008/11/04 7:32] Zealot Benmergui: for betetr or worse, too many people view this is as a transitory indulgence..an entertainment
[2008/11/04 7:32] ***ML***: Does everyone put so much "importance" inot a SL relationship
[2008/11/04 7:32] Zealot Benmergui: Not at all Miss Latte...but what is important is to be sure you both give it the same weight
[2008/11/04 7:32] ***ML***: into
[2008/11/04 7:33] Pirate Russell LOVES Her girls, 2 of which are with U/us today, far more than is sane!
[2008/11/04 7:33] ***IM***: Just like a RL relationship. it's different for everyone.
[2008/11/04 7:33] Zealot Benmergui: the problems come when one partner views this as a serious comittment, the other is playing a game of rping or getting their jollies with a teledildo
[2008/11/04 7:33] ***ML***: but this is SL not RL
[2008/11/04 7:33] Pirate Russell: But My girls, and friends, are still My friends!
[2008/11/04 7:33] ***ML***: yes, i see
[2008/11/04 7:33] ***KB*** smiles
[2008/11/04 7:34] ***AE***: i find very little distinction between SL and RL anymore
[2008/11/04 7:34] ***ML***: uh oh
[2008/11/04 7:34] Zealot Benmergui: nods...the medium is SL..but the people are still real...then can invest a little or a lot of themselves in what they do here
[2008/11/04 7:34] Pirate Russell: I was lucky enough to meet them here, or I'd never have met them, hell, I met My husband on AOHell!
[2008/11/04 7:34] ***IM*** nods to Sir Zealot
[2008/11/04 7:34] ***ML***: wow... that's very interesting
[2008/11/04 7:35] ***ML***: that brings up a whole new set of rules
[2008/11/04 7:36] ***ML***: fascinating
[2008/11/04 7:36] Pirate Russell: But it also necessitates the big "C".... COMMUNICATION!
[2008/11/04 7:36] ***ML***: as in everything ... right
[2008/11/04 7:36] Zealot Benmergui: In my time here, I have found there arefour types of people in Sl...Gamers, who are hear to play an online game..Gearheads, here for the tech..Early Adopters, here for the social experiment, and Alternatists, people who come here as a way to see and experience things and meet people they may not be able to in RL..
[2008/11/04 7:37] Pirate Russell: In all releationships, not just BDSM, or online/offline, or combinations of them, you need to know what to expect, and tell them what you're giving
[2008/11/04 7:37] Pirate Russell is at least 3 of those, Z!
[2008/11/04 7:37] ***IM***: girl changed what she was over time.
[2008/11/04 7:37] ***ML***: how long have you been here Z
[2008/11/04 7:38] Zealot Benmergui: I am 2 really..a bit of 3
[2008/11/04 7:38] Zealot Benmergui: 3 years
[2008/11/04 7:38] Pirate Russell: ALMOST 3 years!
[2008/11/04 7:38] Pirate Russell: I went over 3 last week! LOL
[2008/11/04 7:39] Zealot Benmergui: ya old hag
[2008/11/04 7:39] ***ML***: long time
[2008/11/04 7:39] ***ML***: hahahah
[2008/11/04 7:39] Pirate Russell courtseys, "Thanks, young'n"
[2008/11/04 7:39] ***ML***: i can't stay here for more than a week or so without leaving for a few months
[2008/11/04 7:39] Zealot Benmergui tries to peek under her skirt again
[2008/11/04 7:40] Pirate Russell: That actually brings another point....
[2008/11/04 7:40] Pirate Russell: ....time compression, most relationships burn fast and hot here
[2008/11/04 7:40] Pirate Russell: They tend to run their courses pretty quickly
[2008/11/04 7:41] Zealot Benmergui: absolutely
[2008/11/04 7:41] Pirate Russell: It's almost like dog-years, for every month in a relationship here, it's almost like 7months in RL
[2008/11/04 7:41] ***AE***: i find that to be the oddest thing in SL
[2008/11/04 7:42] Zealot Benmergui: it is true all over the place online
[2008/11/04 7:42] ***ML***: it's very intense.. you're right
[2008/11/04 7:42] Zealot Benmergui: things happen in internet time
[2008/11/04 7:42] Pirate Russell: True, think of it like this.... when I'm spending time with bunny, we're usually DOING something, when I'm sitting with hubby in RL, I'm doing more passive things, reading, watching TV, etc
[2008/11/04 7:43] Zealot Benmergui: in just a week you meet, fall in lust, fall in love, be old married, hate each other, break it off, libel each other, calm down and reminisce about the old days
[2008/11/04 7:43] ***PM***: yep
[2008/11/04 7:43] ***IM***: girl found a wedding invitation in her inventory that was a month old, girl checked on the couple and there was no mention of each other, and the girl had a new boyfriend. One month and they were already divorced and in new relationships.
[2008/11/04 7:43] Pirate Russell: Left out become grandparents!
[2008/11/04 7:43] ***AE***: LOL
[2008/11/04 7:44] Zealot Benmergui: divied the prim furniture
[2008/11/04 7:44] ***AG***: lol
[2008/11/04 7:44] ***CV***: lol
[2008/11/04 7:44] ***AP*** smirks
[2008/11/04 7:44] ***ML***: hahahaha
[2008/11/04 7:44] Pirate Russell: I have seen 1 SL marriage that has lasted, and that's Mine. I've been married a year and a half, on the way to FOREVER!
[2008/11/04 7:44] ***ML***: gratz
[2008/11/04 7:45] ***AE***: I'm impressed!
[2008/11/04 7:45] ***IM***: still, though, when they disappear, you don't get the closure of breaking up and moving on.
[2008/11/04 7:45] Pirate Russell: I have been the safety net for MANY friends that are serial wedding participants, in fact, one I REVOKED her marriage license
[2008/11/04 7:45] Pirate Russell: True, very true
[2008/11/04 7:46] Pirate Russell: In fact that happened to Me this week, one of My girls karli Jewell has been MIA for about 6 months, got an offline from her last week. Havent' seen her yet, but....
[2008/11/04 7:47] Pirate Russell: there will be a re-aquaintence period, before things pick up as they were
[2008/11/04 7:47] Pirate Russell: Part of that will be, "Why the absence?"
[2008/11/04 7:48] ***PM***: SL is not terribly unique, but it is unique. I find it terribly interesting. You can plan all you want, and even communicate til you're blue in the face, yet you still "live" all aspects of the experience, providing you get out there and try.
[2008/11/04 7:49] Pirate Russell has plans blow up all the time because of RL. Almost missed My wedding, internet down. An hr late to My 3rd RezDay Party.... movie with kids ran an hr over.....
[2008/11/04 7:50] ***IM*** giggles
[2008/11/04 7:50] Pirate Russell: So there's another whole layer of complication, so that when you do get together, finally, you cram a lot in to the short time you do have
[2008/11/04 7:51] ***AP*** nods
[2008/11/04 7:51] ***TS*** raises her hand with a question
[2008/11/04 7:52] Pirate Russell: Shoot, ***TS***!
[2008/11/04 7:52] ***TS***: So if you get a message saying T/they are leaving just T/they're burned out (and they still plan to return), but it starts stretching into weeks or months, is there really a proper way to address that as the person who is left behind?
[2008/11/04 7:53] Pirate Russell: Well, as I teach in D/s 101, we all log on to SL to have fun
[2008/11/04 7:53] Pirate Russell: Personally, I'd wait as long as I could for her to come back, and when I couldn't stand it, I'd move on. Just how I am
[2008/11/04 7:54] ***TS*** nods
[2008/11/04 7:54] Pirate Russell: Of course W/we're not monagamous, either, so that kinda makes it easier
[2008/11/04 7:54] Zealot Benmergui: It depends on the relationship
[2008/11/04 7:54] Pirate Russell: Not that I'd miss her any less!
[2008/11/04 7:54] ***PM***: I think thats to be expected and a part of who we are.
[2008/11/04 7:54] Pirate Russell: But as Z just pointed out, each relationship is as different as those that are actually in it!
[2008/11/04 7:54] Zealot Benmergui: if you are epxected to wait with your legs and heart closed...then set a cut off for yourself..otherwise, live life, but keep an eye on the door for them
[2008/11/04 7:55] Pirate Russell: My relationship with ***IM*** is different from that with bunny, ***KC***, or ***KB***
[2008/11/04 7:55] ***CV***: Would you expect some sort of communication though in that time offline?
[2008/11/04 7:55] Pirate Russell: though, it's Me that's in it
[2008/11/04 7:55] Pirate Russell: I would WELCOME it, but I'd not expect anything
[2008/11/04 7:55] Zealot Benmergui: To be honest, yes
[2008/11/04 7:56] Zealot Benmergui: there are a billion ways to send emails now
[2008/11/04 7:56] Zealot Benmergui: case in point
[2008/11/04 7:56] Pirate Russell: No, I'd CRAVE it, but it woudn't be a deal breaker
[2008/11/04 7:56] Zealot Benmergui: 2 years ago I was hit by a car...broke a leg, rushed to hospital for a week or so
[2008/11/04 7:56] ***TS*** winces
[2008/11/04 7:56] ***AE***: they should make it really easy to send someone an IM via email on SL, isntead of only being able to reply to an IM that is sent toyour email
[2008/11/04 7:56] Zealot Benmergui: I was able to send out a few lines of email on my phone to a girl i was with, telling them i would be back ASAP
[2008/11/04 7:57] ***RK***: good girl Angel
[2008/11/04 7:57] ***IM***: Zonkster.com that will send IM's into SL from a web page, Miss Amata.
[2008/11/04 7:57] Zealot Benmergui: nothing complex...but something..and thesedays, you buy a new vibrator, it has wifi and email
[2008/11/04 7:57] Pirate Russell: Gasps.. Cell phones in Hospitals>?!?!?! how Radical!
[2008/11/04 7:57] Pirate Russell: LOL
[2008/11/04 7:57] ***AE***: wow, really? thank you ***IM***!!!
[2008/11/04 7:57] ***CV***: lol
[2008/11/04 7:57] ***AP***: |Thank you Sir
[2008/11/04 7:58] ***RK*** caresses Angel's cheek
[2008/11/04 7:58] Pirate Russell: All My girls have My email address, and also http://gnomiverse.com works well too
[2008/11/04 7:58] ***AE***: ty :)
[2008/11/04 7:58] Pirate Russell: your avi knda floats inert, but you can im, chat local, even make payments
[2008/11/04 7:59] Pirate Russell: and its great for sub-par computers
[2008/11/04 7:59] ***AE***: wow!! my dream come true!!!
[2008/11/04 7:59] Pirate Russell: They have a windows downlaod, but the web based client works on My Kubuntu Liniux box
[2008/11/04 8:00] Pirate Russell: and a download, too!
[2008/11/04 8:00] ***AE***: well then. there's no excuse for no communication, is there? ;)
[2008/11/04 8:01] Pirate Russell: Yes there is, actually
[2008/11/04 8:01] Pirate Russell: Because you don't want to. That also is a valid reason!
[2008/11/04 8:01] ***TS***: if I felt I was being abused, I might cut off all ties....
[2008/11/04 8:02] ***AE***: well, that's true. i meant in case of illness or no longer being able to long on etc..
[2008/11/04 8:02] ***AE***: log on
[2008/11/04 8:02] Pirate Russell: goes back to that "allowed to enjoy" thing. I would hope that My girls would tell Me first, though
[2008/11/04 8:02] Pirate Russell: Ahh, ok
[2008/11/04 8:02] Pirate Russell: Well, I don't do text messages on My phone, but My hubby would at least log on and tell SOMEONE that said "hi" to Me
[2008/11/04 8:04] Pirate Russell: Anyone got anything else?
[2008/11/04 8:04] ***AE***: no, ty for the discussion, it was great :)
[2008/11/04 8:04] ***KC*** shakes her head
[2008/11/04 8:04] ***PM***: I Think there are several forms of abandonment. As there are several forms of loneliness. Once can be abandoned in anothers presence, as one can be alone standing next to their spouse. I know these things from personal experience.
[2008/11/04 8:05] Pirate Russell has been alone in a room full of people, here and RL
[2008/11/04 8:05] ***TS*** pats Pat on the shoulder
[2008/11/04 8:05] ***PM***: Its all about experience and how we deal with those things. And how we learn for future experiences/relationships.
[2008/11/04 8:05] ***PM***: lol
[2008/11/04 8:05] Pirate Russell: And how to improve the ones we're in
[2008/11/04 8:05] ***PM***: very much so
[2008/11/04 8:06] Pirate Russell has gone all Dr Phill-ys on y'all today, sorry! LOL
[2008/11/04 8:06] ***AE***: no, it's great!
[2008/11/04 8:06] ***TS***: It's a very Dr Phill-ys subject
[2008/11/04 8:06] ***CV***: lol
[2008/11/04 8:07] ***ML***: very enligihtening
[2008/11/04 8:07] Pirate Russell: And one near to My heart, uncortunately, had a girl leave Me yesterday
[2008/11/04 8:07] ***CV***: I'm sorry to hear that Pirate.
[2008/11/04 8:08] Pirate Russell: Was pretty tore up yesterday, but sees it's the best thing, after sleeping on it
[2008/11/04 8:08] ***CV*** smiles with warmth.
[2008/11/04 8:08] ***PM***: I hope you sleep well tonight
[2008/11/04 8:08] Pirate Russell: And talking with some SPECIAL people about it
[2008/11/04 8:08] Pirate Russell will, most likely
[2008/11/04 8:08] Pirate Russell: Thanx
[2008/11/04 8:08] ***AE***: so sorry Pirate :(
[2008/11/04 8:09] Pirate Russell: Thanks, not looking for the 'sorry's though, just illustrating the point... he he
[2008/11/04 8:10] ***CV***: I think one good thing to always remember in all situations. ..is the other party involved is not you.. so don't try to assume what they are thinking and why. Ask.
[2008/11/04 8:10] ***TS***: Thanks for sharing
[2008/11/04 8:10] ***RK***: forgive us folks, we have to leave. Angel needs some instruction
[2008/11/04 8:10] ***CV***: And don't make them guess your own.
[2008/11/04 8:10] ***RK***: thanks for the talk Z
[2008/11/04 8:10] ***IM***: so true, Miss Calithien.
[2008/11/04 8:10] ***RK***: excellent as ever
[2008/11/04 8:11] ***AP***: Aw, Sorry Miss Pirate, thank you for your time!
[2008/11/04 8:11] Pirate Russell: I guess I'll call class dismissed, and will do it all over again on Friday 1p, and Payne Samim's class Thur 7am has LOTS of room in it!
[2008/11/04 8:11] ***CV***: Thank you Pirate..smiles
[2008/11/04 8:11] ***ML***: yes, it's been very informative... thank you
[2008/11/04 8:11] Pirate Russell: It's My pleasure, y'all
[2008/11/04 8:11] ***AE*** nods, ty again
[2008/11/04 8:12] ***ML***: hope to catch another discussion
[2008/11/04 8:12] ***TS***: Thank you!
[2008/11/04 8:12] ***ML***: bye bye
[2008/11/04 8:12] Zealot Benmergui tosses Pirate an apple
[2008/11/04 8:12] ***FR***: Thank You, Lady Pirate.
[2008/11/04 8:12] ***PM***: Thanks so much Pirate.
[2008/11/04 8:15] Pirate Russell: Well, y'all, that's all I got, see y'all on Friday! he he
[2008/11/04 8:15] ***AG***: tyty =))
[2008/11/04 8:16] ***TS*** waves