SUBMISSIVE RIGHTS & DOMINANT RESPONSIBILITIES - 10/24/08

[2008/10/24 13:11] Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! As most of y'all know, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor. I have been in SL for nearly 3 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[2008/10/24 13:11] Pirate Russell: Please take all chat to IM and collar, etc commands to secondary channels
[2008/10/24 13:12] Pirate Russell: If anyone must leave early, transcipts will be posted at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com/
[2008/10/24 13:12] Pirate Russell: Our topic today, "D/s 101 submisive Rights and Dominant Responsibilities".
[2008/10/24 13:12] Pirate Russell: This is the 2nd time I've taught this class and prolly will do it the first week of the month.
[2008/10/24 13:12] Pirate Russell: OOPS, old script, sorry
[2008/10/24 13:13] ***IM***giggles
[2008/10/24 13:13] Pirate Russell: Ok, too much lag for My speak easy, gonna go to copy 'n' paste
[2008/10/24 13:14] Pirate Russell: This topic is VERY near and dear to My heart. I have seen submissives mistreated by their dominants and either left the SL Lifestyle or just spent way too much time not enjoying themselves.
[2008/10/24 13:15] Pirate Russell: My philosophy is that W/we are all her to enjoy ourselves. Some gain that enjoyment by being whipped, some by whipping. Some enjoy being humiliated, some enjoy humiliating them.
[2008/10/24 13:15] Pirate Russell: W/we each have our own fun, but it's just that. fun. W/we are here to enjoy our time or we'd be off doing other things in other games, or Real Life.....
[2008/10/24 13:15] Pirate Russell: Further, submission is a GIFT. The most special gift that can be given.
[2008/10/24 13:16] Pirate Russell: subsmissives give themselves. There is no greater honor, or honour for those that speak English, than to be given the gift of submission.
[2008/10/24 13:16] Pirate Russell: I have found a very good list of submissive Rights
[2008/10/24 13:17] Pirate Russell: 1) You have the right to be respected.
No one should be ordering you around or expecting you to answer questions or doing things you're not comfortable with.
[2008/10/24 13:17] Pirate Russell: 2) You have the right to your freedom.
Just because someone is interested in you, they can't take your freedom from you.
Don't let anyone try to intimidate you; you belong to no one until you offer yourself to them.
They can't restrict you in any way until you allow that.
3)
[2008/10/24 13:18] Pirate Russell: 3) You have a right to be satisfied--emotionally and physically.
This is a relationship, y'all. While the power control aspect does add a few kinks (pun intended) into the mix,
you don't get extra points for making yourself into a sacrificial lamb for someone else's amusement and/or satisfaction.
[2008/10/24 13:18] Pirate Russell: Get what you need or find someone else that will give it to you.
[2008/10/24 13:19] Pirate Russell: 4) You have a right to take your time and not rush into anything ever.
Being chained in the doorway, naked and vulnerable isn't really a good time to find out your Dominant wants to explore their sadistic side a little more.
[2008/10/24 13:19] Pirate Russell: Talk,
[2008/10/24 13:19] Pirate Russell: talk,
[2008/10/24 13:19] Pirate Russell: talk,
[2008/10/24 13:19] Pirate Russell: and talk some more. If you have concerns that aren't addressed, move on. It's not worth the risk.
[2008/10/24 13:20] Pirate Russell: 5) You DON'T have a right to play "needy and desperate".
Who in the world wants to own someone that doesn't have a backbone and will submit to anyone for any reason?
Big satisfaction potential there.
[2008/10/24 13:20] Pirate Russell: 6) You have a right to respect yourself.
[2008/10/24 13:20] Pirate Russell: This means holding out for the relationship YOU want and not being talked into the relationship someone else wants with you.
You're submissive, not stupid and, if you're not going to be happy, you're only wasting everyone's time.
And, just any collar isn't worth your peace of mind. Honest. It *HAS* to be the right one.
[2008/10/24 13:21] Pirate Russell: 7) You have the right to enjoy this always.
[2008/10/24 13:21] Pirate Russell: If you find you're in a relationship that's bringing more tears, confusion and unreasonable or uncomfortable demands than smiles and "warm fuzzies",
take some time to pull back and see what's going on or talk with someone else about it,either your Dominant or a friend who knows the lifestyle.
The same basics apply here as anywhere; something's wrong if you're dreading logging into SL, or hiding from people.
You deserve more than that. Have the courage to find it. You'll be glad you did!"
[2008/10/24 13:22] Pirate Russell: Most of all I want to reiterate, you have the RIGHT to enjoy yourself. and
submissives have the RIGHT to wait for the right Dominant.
[2008/10/24 13:22] Pirate Russell: Ok... now the other side of the coin, so to speak.
[2008/10/24 13:23] Pirate Russell: The following is taken Dominant's Creed
[2008/10/24 13:23] Pirate Russell: Above all else a Dom/me cherishes Their submissive, in the knowledge that the gift the submissive gives Them is the greatest gift of all.
[2008/10/24 13:23] Pirate Russell: A Dom/me is in control of Themselves first and foremost, so that They may control others.
[2008/10/24 13:23] Pirate Russell: In times of trouble, a Dom/me will leave the roles behind, to be a supportive friend and partner, never forgetting that this is still a loving relationship between two caring individuals.
[2008/10/24 13:24] Pirate Russell: A Dom/me is quick to understand the differences between fantasy and reality.
[2008/10/24 13:24] Pirate Russell: A Dom/me would never asks a submissive to put Them before their career, or family, or Real Life, just to satisfy Their own pleasure.
[2008/10/24 13:24] Pirate Russell: To win a submissive's mind, body, spirit, soul, and love, a Dom/me knows They must first win their trust.
[2008/10/24 13:25] Pirate Russell: A Dom/me must always show them that Their guidance and tutoring is knowledgeable and deserving of their attention, that this is a person they can learn from, and that they can trust Their direction.
[2008/10/24 13:25] Pirate Russell: A Dom/me proves to their submissive that They are someone they can lean on, and depend on.
[2008/10/24 13:25] Pirate Russell: When it comes time to teach Their submissive their lessons of obedience, They are a strong and unyielding professor.
[2008/10/24 13:26] Pirate Russell: A Dom/me is always open to communication and discussion; always ready to hear Their submissive's wants and needs.
[2008/10/24 13:26] Pirate Russell: A Dom/me is patient; taking time to learn Their submissive's limits, and knowing that as their trust of Them grows, so will they.
[2008/10/24 13:26] Pirate Russell: A Dom/me never has to demand ritual behavior from Their submissive. Their submissive responds to Them out of the want of pleasing Them. Compliance comes from the wanting to please, not the fear of punishment.
[2008/10/24 13:27] Pirate Russell: A Dom/me understands the fragile nature of mind and body and never violates the trust given to Them.
[2008/10/24 13:27] Pirate Russell: A Dom/me is secure enough to laugh at Themselves and the absurdities of life. Open minded enough to learn new things. Strong enough to grow.
[2008/10/24 13:27] Pirate Russell: A Dom/me's tools are mind, body, spirit, soul, respect and love
[2008/10/24 13:27] Pirate Russell: A Dom/me understands that E/each partner gains most from pleasuring the O/other.
[2008/10/24 13:28] Pirate Russell: And B/both of T/them know that love and trust are the only bindings that truly hold.
[2008/10/24 13:28] Pirate Russell: Quesitons, Comments, Dirth Jokes?
[2008/10/24 13:28] Pirate Russell: er DirtYjokes
[2008/10/24 13:29] Pirate Russell: SpeakEasy HUD detaching...
[2008/10/24 13:30] Pirate Russell stage whispers, "This is the EXPECTED participation, y'all!"
[2008/10/24 13:30] ***MK***: smiles,
[2008/10/24 13:30] ***KC***: how long does a sub wait if she feels she has been abadoed
[2008/10/24 13:32] Pirate Russell: That all goes to 'how much fun' you're having in SL. If you're not having fun waiting for someone that's ignoring, you, or just not logging on, you have to decide when it's time to 'leave your vow of submission' when it's right for you
[2008/10/24 13:32] ***KC***: thank You Miss
[2008/10/24 13:34] Pirate Russell guess this is gonna be a SHORT class today!
[2008/10/24 13:34] ***KC***: is going to places like the Bondage Ranch a good idea if one is looking for a Dom/Domme or sub/slave
[2008/10/24 13:35] Pirate Russell: That's a good one, but ANY place that BDSM is at least practiced is a good place to look.
[2008/10/24 13:35] Pirate Russell: You wouldn't go to a football game looking for pilots, right?
[2008/10/24 13:36] ***KC*** giggles
[2008/10/24 13:36] ***MK***: Pirate, it seems that so many on SL are into posturing and just "kneel and suck" how do you cut thru the "BS" when looking for a real DOm in 3 questions or less. is there a quick way?
[2008/10/24 13:36] ***CJ***: lol...great question
[2008/10/24 13:37] Pirate Russell: Yes there is, anyone, what's the MAGIC word?
[2008/10/24 13:37] ***CJ***: communication
[2008/10/24 13:37] ***CJ***: ?
[2008/10/24 13:37] ***KC***: communicatinon
[2008/10/24 13:37] Pirate Russell: YES! EVERY releationship Vanilla, BDSM, or whatever, should be negotiated!
[2008/10/24 13:38] Pirate Russell: At some point, the begining is best, you give your limits, and SHOULD give what you expect from the relationshiop
[2008/10/24 13:38] Pirate Russell: Even if it's just a One-Dungeon-Stand
[2008/10/24 13:38] ***MK***: But can you give us some key questions that every sub should ask, to determine if this person is willing to commit to a realtionship to grow us as individuals and not just service them withour sensuality
[2008/10/24 13:38] Pirate Russell: What do you like to do to your subs?
[2008/10/24 13:38] Pirate Russell whispers: What don't you like?
[2008/10/24 13:38] Pirate Russell: Whisper??
[2008/10/24 13:39] Pirate Russell: What don't you like?
[2008/10/24 13:39] Pirate Russell: Dislike
[2008/10/24 13:39] Pirate Russell: What do you expect from this one?
[2008/10/24 13:39] ***KC***: also girl has a couple of friends interested in this lifestyle but aren't sure which side of the coin they fall on, is there any way for them to find out
[2008/10/24 13:39] Pirate Russell: Hell, ***BH***'s been with Me nearly 10 months, and she still doesn't know! LOL
[2008/10/24 13:40] ***KC*** smiles
[2008/10/24 13:40] ***BH*** smiles up at Mistress
[2008/10/24 13:40] Pirate Russell: Try it out! Nothing says that you can't get off your knees and beat someone else!
[2008/10/24 13:40] ***KC*** giggles
[2008/10/24 13:41] Pirate Russell: That's what SL's about , trying stuff that you can't or won't do in RL, hell, I can only fly for about .25seconds in RL
[2008/10/24 13:41] ***KC*** giggles
[2008/10/24 13:42] Pirate Russell: Off topic, but EVERYone DOES know how to fly in RL, right?
[2008/10/24 13:42] Pirate Russell: Throw yourself at the earth, AND MISS!
[2008/10/24 13:42] ***CJ***: jump off a tall building?
[2008/10/24 13:42] Pirate Russell: ANNNnnnnyway
[2008/10/24 13:42] ***KC***: is it possible that those that don't know which side of the coin they fall are switches
[2008/10/24 13:43] ***KC***: this girl knows without a doubt that she is only a sub and likes it that way
[2008/10/24 13:43] Pirate Russell: Yes, but switches are usually ones that know they like both, but trying each side out is the best way to figger it out
[2008/10/24 13:43] ***KC***: ah
[2008/10/24 13:44] ***KC***: also being in this lifestyle doesn't necessarily mean that W/we have to really like the hard core kinky stuff does it
[2008/10/24 13:44] ***MK***: nope
[2008/10/24 13:45] Pirate Russell: I know a girl here (at My feet) that owned one over there (points to ***IM***) so she by definition is a switch
[2008/10/24 13:45] Pirate Russell: Nope, submissive is not defined as push a carrot up My ass and hit Me with a 3 month old Wall Street Journal!
[2008/10/24 13:46] Pirate Russell: it means that you give some, or all, control to another.
[2008/10/24 13:46] ***KC***: girl was once told that not E/everyone likes to share, is that normal
[2008/10/24 13:47] Pirate Russell: Well, there's no such thing as Normal. D/s relationships are just that RELATIONSHIPS, and as different as those that are in the relationship
[2008/10/24 13:48] Pirate Russell: I LOVE many girls, and some I don't like to share, so I'm technically a hypoctite
[2008/10/24 13:49] Pirate Russell: But, by the same token, I don't restrict My girls, one has a BF, another has a GF/// etc
[2008/10/24 13:49] Pirate Russell: eep change /// to ...
[2008/10/24 13:49] Pirate Russell: it will be in the transcript! ;-)
[2008/10/24 13:50] Pirate Russell winks at ***KC***, "Anyone ELSE have any questions!?!"
[2008/10/24 13:50] ***KC***: what is the average length of a relationship here in sl or is there one
[2008/10/24 13:50] Pirate Russell: EEP
[2008/10/24 13:50] ***KC***: time here seems so intense
[2008/10/24 13:50] Pirate Russell: Well, as We all know, relationships here burn hot and fast, most of the time
[2008/10/24 13:51] Pirate Russell: I've been in SL 3 yrs, next Fridah, and have known My wife in one avi or another for that long
[2008/10/24 13:51] Pirate Russell: er friday
[2008/10/24 13:52] Pirate Russell: Others I've loved and it's burned out VERY quickly,
[2008/10/24 13:52] ***MK***: I just passed the 1 year mark with my Sir, but most I know of are less than 3 months
[2008/10/24 13:52] Pirate Russell: I don't count relationships by the calendar in SL or RL, but there's like ... dog years in SL, it's almost 7-1, I think he he
[2008/10/24 13:52] Pirate Russell: Congrats ***MK***!
[2008/10/24 13:53] ***KC***: girl is greatful that she has been with her Mistress for 6 months now and hopes
[2008/10/24 13:53] Pirate Russell: Not to worry ***KC***, I'm SURE Lindsey will take you on into 3rd life!
[2008/10/24 13:53] ***KC***: for it to continue well on into the future
[2008/10/24 13:53] ***MK***: ^5 ***KC*** that's an accomplishment
[2008/10/24 13:53] ***KC*** smiles
[2008/10/24 13:53] ***MK***: thanks you
[2008/10/24 13:54] Pirate Russell: ***AG***, your turn, ask a question! LOL
[2008/10/24 13:55] ***AG***: let's see im new to all of this and was wondering if i should look for rl experience in an owner or would it be okay to overlook it if he doesnt
[2008/10/24 13:56] ***KC***: may girl answer that Miss
[2008/10/24 13:56] ***AG***: im serious about this, i want to find this in rl as well
[2008/10/24 13:56] Pirate Russell: GO ahead ***KC***
[2008/10/24 13:56] ***KC***: girl and her Mistress are both new to this lifestyle and are learning it together
[2008/10/24 13:58] Pirate Russell: First off, I am NOT a RL Domme, and I don't know the RL scene very well, but I would suggest you get to know someone before submitting in RL, here you can walk away, in RL you might ride away in an Ambulance, or worse!
[2008/10/24 13:58] ***KC***: W/we are learning by doing it
[2008/10/24 13:58] Pirate Russell: It's My own personal bias, but if girl's looking for a male Dominant, go for the experience, not the, as someone said earlier, "Kneel and suck" guys
[2008/10/24 13:59] Pirate Russell: I think, generally, female Dominants are more forgiving of a new girl, but these are all generalities
[2008/10/24 13:59] ***AG***: nods
[2008/10/24 14:00] Pirate Russell: I guess it seems to Me that males need to TAKE the power, women wait for it bo be given...
[2008/10/24 14:01] Pirate Russell: And I'm sure we all know Dominants that fall into both categories no matter their personal plumbing
[2008/10/24 14:02] ***IM*** Meads: What are some warning signs that it's a bad relationship?
[2008/10/24 14:02] Pirate Russell: The biggest one is discomfort.
[2008/10/24 14:02] ***IM***nods
[2008/10/24 14:02] Pirate Russell: When you don't feel like logging in cuz "so and so" is on
[2008/10/24 14:03] Pirate Russell whispers: Or when y'all spend time together, it's no fun.
[2008/10/24 14:03] Pirate Russell: I don't know about y'all, but I log on to have fun, whether it's whipping or being whipped, you should have fun in SL too!
[2008/10/24 14:04] ***IM*** Meads: girl once read that usually the longer it takes to get to "kneel and suck" the better the Dom.
[2008/10/24 14:04] ***CJ***: hahaha
[2008/10/24 14:04] Pirate Russell: Now if crying and abuse is your kink, then rock on!
[2008/10/24 14:04] Pirate Russell: but, if it's not, find someone that treats you as you want to be treated
[2008/10/24 14:05] Pirate Russell: right ***KC***?
[2008/10/24 14:05] ***KC***: absolutely
[2008/10/24 14:05] ***KC***: Miss
[2008/10/24 14:06] ***IM*** Meads: What if one is having trouble communicating, or afraid to talk to their Dom/me? How can one overcome that? Or should one just walk away?
[2008/10/24 14:07] Pirate Russell: Well, it goes back to htose rights, you have the right to stand up for yourself and get what you want, sub or Dominant, from the relationsihp
[2008/10/24 14:07] Pirate Russell: Even if it takes an OOC (Out of Character) talk, then you should ask for it
[2008/10/24 14:07] ***IM*** Meads: Dom/mes are kind of scary, it's hard to stand up to them.
[2008/10/24 14:08] Pirate Russell: WHAT!!!!!
[2008/10/24 14:08] Pirate Russell: he he
[2008/10/24 14:08] ***IM*** Meads: sorry, sorry, nevermine ;-)
[2008/10/24 14:08] Pirate Russell: Well, that's why you may need to go OOC
[2008/10/24 14:10] Pirate Russell: Yes, we can be scary, but most of us, that are over 14, can be mature and step out of roles and have a serious talk
[2008/10/24 14:11] ***MK***: I had a Dom tell me once, that just because I knew what i wanted and didn't want, and was willing to ask questions that i was trying to top from the bottom. And i wasn't his sub, needless to say i didn't choose him either. haha
[2008/10/24 14:11] ***IM***nods
[2008/10/24 14:12] ***IM*** Meads: And girl's desire to please isn't just in IC thing that gets turned off when she goes OOC.
[2008/10/24 14:12] ***IM*** Meads: in -> an
[2008/10/24 14:12] ***KC*** nods
[2008/10/24 14:13] Pirate Russell: Well, I know what all My girls want. Now sometimes they don't get it, by choice or omission, but knowing what they like doesn't come from psychic waves coming thru the TV, they have to Tell Me
[2008/10/24 14:14] Pirate Russell: Yes, ***IM*** I know that, that's why you need a Domme that is sensitive to that and won't abuse that quality
[2008/10/24 14:14] Pirate Russell: I know must everyone HATES the survey thing, where you rate the activities found in BDSM, but they do help
[2008/10/24 14:15] ***KC***: girl doesn't know about the survey Miss
[2008/10/24 14:15] Pirate Russell: I've even put them into spreadsheets, so I can order them by like and dislike, rather than just alphabetical
[2008/10/24 14:15] ***KC***: where would girl get one
[2008/10/24 14:16] Pirate Russell: Lemme find a blank one
[2008/10/24 14:16] ***KC***: thank You Miss
[2008/10/24 14:16] ***SA***: I would like one too id i may?
[2008/10/24 14:16] ***SA***: if
[2008/10/24 14:16] ***SA***: sorry
[2008/10/24 14:16] Pirate Russell: Lag is even killing Me in inv, yes, I'll get one to y'all in the next day or so
[2008/10/24 14:17] ***BH***: 1 to 5 how much do you like or dislike being tied, caged or any of a 300 other activities
[2008/10/24 14:17] ***KC***: thank You again Miss
[2008/10/24 14:17] ***BH***: thay kinda form ***KC***
[2008/10/24 14:18] ***KC***: ah thanks ***BH***
[2008/10/24 14:18] ***KC***: girl thinks then that girl has already taken it and given a copy to Mistress
[2008/10/24 14:18] Pirate Russell: Request to open a notecard just timed out! Wew Hew!
[2008/10/24 14:18] ***IM*** Meads: heh
[2008/10/24 14:20] Pirate Russell: Anyone else?? anything else?
[2008/10/24 14:21] ***MK***: Thank You Pirate for the class
[2008/10/24 14:21] ***IM***nods.
[2008/10/24 14:22] ***BH*** kisses and nuzzles Mistress' thigh
[2008/10/24 14:22] Pirate Russell: it's My pleasure, I LOVE this class, took this job for this class, because I see too many "Kneel'n'suck' dudes out there, ruining perfectly good girls
[2008/10/24 14:22] ***KC***: thank You Miss for another enjoyable discussion
[2008/10/24 14:23] ***IM*** Meads: What about "kneel and suck" Dommes? It seems there are a few of them too.
[2008/10/24 14:23] Pirate Russell: Next week's schedule of classes are back to abnormal.
Zealot's class Monday 7am
Mine Tuesday 7am
Payne's Thur 7am
Mine again, Friday 1pm
[2008/10/24 14:23] ***CJ***: thank you Miss Pirate and A/all for a great discussion
[2008/10/24 14:23] Steel Shackle 1.14 (r forearm) whispers: ***KC*** gathers what's left of her energy to fight her Steel Shackle 1.14 (r forearm) some more...
[2008/10/24 14:23] Pirate Russell: and all transcripts othe rthan this one, is at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2008/10/24 14:23] Pirate Russell: eep, GREAT english.... ARE at....
[2008/10/24 14:23] ***IM*** Meads: fight that shackle some more, quick, before you lose the tries from lag, ***KC***.
[2008/10/24 14:24] ***KC*** giggles
[2008/10/24 14:24] Pirate Russell: he he
[2008/10/24 14:24] Pirate Russell: Or ask a certain Pirate to break out girl's realkey
[2008/10/24 14:24] ***KC***: hehehe
[2008/10/24 14:24] ***IM***laughs
[2008/10/24 14:25] Pirate Russell: Well, I got RL staring Me in the face, and need to run hoome for a second before that, so Class Dismissed, everyone strip for the public group sex!
[2008/10/24 14:26] ***KC***: hahaha
[2008/10/24 14:26] ***IM*** Meads: shall girl's kneel?
[2008/10/24 14:26] ***IM***giggles
[2008/10/24 14:26] Pirate Russell: and suck
[2008/10/24 14:26] ***IM*** Meads: hehehe
[2008/10/24 14:26] Pirate Russell: *kneel
[2008/10/24 14:26] Pirate Russell: he he
[2008/10/24 14:26] ***IM*** Meads: eeep!
[2008/10/24 14:26] Pirate Russell: *release
[2008/10/24 14:27] Pirate Russell: Thanks for coming, see y'all next week!
[2008/10/24 14:27] ***IM*** Meads: Bye A/all.
[2008/10/24 14:27] ***SA***: Thank you for the class, Miss
[2008/10/24 14:27] ***BH***'s choker: Executed your command: forcetp HoV Gold 31/97/746
[2008/10/24 14:27] ***KC***'s collar: ***KC*** gives ***IM***a big hug.
[2008/10/24 14:27] ***AG***: tc everyone and ty !!
[2008/10/24 14:27] ***KC***: mmmmmm

D/s 101 submisive Rights and Dominant Responsibilities - 10/24/08

Coming Soon!

Shibari - 10/23/08

c[7:09] Payne Samiam: How I usually do this is a talk then we open it to comments, questions and discussions
[7:10] Payne Samiam: Everyone ready ? now don't all speak at once we may crash the server.
[7:10]
[7:10] ***KR***: You are inviting questions now..?
[7:10] Payne Samiam: no i'm just trying to make sure you are all alive
[7:10] ***KR***: OK....!
[7:11] ***LM*** meows
[7:11] Payne Samiam smiles
[7:11] Payne Samiam: yay
[7:11] ***AG*** is alive and ready
[7:11] ***LR***: ready here!
[7:11] ***AG***: =))
[7:11] Payne Samiam: Now really in sl bondage can only be theory, except for mental bondage but thats a subject for another lesson.
[7:12] Payne Samiam: In general bondage can really be anything from a collar to rope to silk lingerie it all depends on what it means to you personally.
[7:13] Payne Samiam: I knew a girl once who felt like she was in bondage just by wearing a bra and panties.
[7:13] Payne Samiam: But this talk is more about japanese rope bondage
[7:13] ***LM*** smiles big
[7:14] Payne Samiam: Calling it Shibari is really not acurate the meaning of the word is to tie or to bind
[7:15] Payne Samiam: It can even be used in describing a well put together parcel
[7:16] Payne Samiam: But what we are talking about really is sexual bondage
[7:16] Payne Samiam: This differs from western bonday in a key area
[7:16] Payne Samiam: While in the west we do practice rope bondage and other kinds
[7:17] Payne Samiam: The art of japanese rope bondage usually includes the knoting and placing of knots along the sexual or pleasure centers of the body
[7:17] Payne Samiam: In japanese bondage the beauty of it is the girl or boy is aroused by every breath
[7:18] Payne Samiam: even the slightest move can be very very distracting
[7:19] Payne Samiam: But before I say anything else i'll say this
[7:19] ***LM*** grins
[7:19] Payne Samiam: Do not try this without alot of research
[7:19] Payne Samiam: Don't play around with your loved ones without a good knowledge
[7:19] Payne Samiam: the same knots you can use in Shibari can kill.
[7:20] Payne Samiam: If done in the wrong way you can create a situation where each time the subject breaths the bondage contracts
[7:21] Payne Samiam: This not only would mean slow suffocation
[7:21] Payne Samiam: but the knots themselves become so tight you can't undo them
[7:21] Payne Samiam: Always have a good cutting impliment like a knife or scissors
[7:21] Payne Samiam: practice on a pillow or your own leg or arm
[7:22]
[7:22] Payne Samiam: Shibari can be the most beautiful form of bondage (Kinbaku) but your subject's life is in your hands literally
[7:23] Payne Samiam: I first learnt of it at a munch (meeting of D/s BDSM ) people in my local area.
[7:23] Payne Samiam: I spent alot of time learning and watching (which can be such alot of fun)
[7:23] Payne Samiam: Don't try to learn from sl bondage and shibari, most of it is made by people who have never tried it rl.
[7:24]
[7:25] Payne Samiam: But with the right training with the right knowledge well, sending a girl shopping to fetch dinner knowing she has ropework on under her clothes and every movement is arousing her is quite *smiles* fun
[7:25] Payne Samiam: You can actually make underwear out of Japanese rope which can safely stay on all day.
[7:25] ***LM***: purrs
[7:25] Payne Samiam: now talking of rope
[7:25] Payne Samiam smiles
[7:25] Payne Samiam: its personal preference
[7:26] ***OI***: mmmmmnow ***OI*** is interested
[7:26] Payne Samiam: I use cotton 8mm and 6mm but some traditionalists won't use anything other than hemp
[7:26]
[7:27] ***PG*** itches
[7:27] Payne Samiam: What i'd say is anyone interested after this talk just go to google both image search and normal search and there is an amazing amount of information
[7:27] ***LM***: silk rope hurts
[7:27] ***LM***: sorry
[7:28] Payne Samiam: There is special oils you can soak the ropes in, but using the right one with the right rope is an art form in itself, no need to be sorry
[7:28] Payne Samiam: nylon rope favoured in the 80's has a very special quality when you use baby oil on it *smiles*
[7:29] Payne Samiam: What I will say is whenever possible go to the source, as in japanese books or translations
[7:29] Payne Samiam: most of western versions are very much diluted and changed
[7:30] ***OI***: hmmmm never thought of oiling the ropes.....
[7:30] Payne Samiam: I'm not saying they are not fun they are and quite erotic.
[7:30] Payne Samiam: Strawberry flavoured body oil can be interesting too if you like strawberry
[7:31] ***LM***: Master liked me in pain so he did not get oil
[7:31] Payne Samiam: I have always prefered pleasure to pain well some types of pain are yummy.
[7:31] Payne Samiam smiles
[7:32] ***OI***: how did you feel about that Lost?
[7:32] ***KR***: Yes...how did you feel....?
[7:32] Payne Samiam: Very good question ***OI***
[7:32] ***LM***: pain is good now
[7:32] ***LM***: cam fast
[7:32] ***LM***: :-P
[7:33] Payne Samiam: This brings all to the basics of it all.
[7:33] Payne Samiam: to some people pain is a hard limit and should not be broken to others its soft, to others its a I'm scared but I really want to try this
[7:33] Payne Samiam: its very much personal preference
[7:34] Payne Samiam: When exploring limits with ***LW*** its very much we will try anything but we only continue those things that fit us both
[7:34] ***OI***: ......
[7:34] ***KR***: But ***LW*** cannot feel real pain.........
[7:35] ***OI***: ***OI*** raises hand shyly admiting exploring can be gushy fun..
[7:35] ***KR***: ***LW*** pretends to feel pain........???
[7:35] ***KR***: T give you pleasure.....?
[7:35] Payne Samiam: She is my submissive online which to me is no different than if she was rl, now there is ways and things to explore if you have a good imagination or a good partner
[7:36] Payne Samiam: Pain isn't my thing or hers although there are levels of pain
[7:36] ***KR***: IN RL it is
[7:36] Payne Samiam: What do you mean ***KR*** ?
[7:37] ***KR***: In SL...she will have to pretend to feel pain....yes..?
[7:37] Payne Samiam: no
[7:37] Payne Samiam: everything we do is real
[7:37] ***OI***: she could wear clothes pins rl
[7:37] ***LM***: pain of the mind is the best pain
[7:37] ***PG***: imagination is a wonderful thing and can be quite intense.
[7:37] ***OI***: or flog her self
[7:37] Payne Samiam: Exactly
[7:37] ***OI***: or use a pin wheel rl at master's dirrection
[7:38] ***KR***: But that self inflicted.......you are not a part of it
[7:38] Payne Samiam: plus well i've been into hypnosis for 10 years so we do have some fun of different kinds
[7:38] Payne Samiam: Everything she does is for me ***KR***
[7:38] ***KR***: OK
[7:38] Payne Samiam: See rope bondage doesn't haveto be about pain
[7:39] Payne Samiam: And People assume I like pain which I don't
[7:39] Payne Samiam: About the only kind of pain I find enjoyable is the well Having a girl over my lap spanking her while rubbing her pussy the pain and pleasure can make things very fun
[7:40] Payne Samiam: I've looked after alot of girls who were pain sluts
[7:40] ***LM*** giggles
[7:40] Payne Samiam: but me myself I don't get a thrill or hots from causing mental or physical pain
[7:40] Payne Samiam: The only pleasure i'd get is from my girls pleasure if she enjoyed it
[7:41] Payne Samiam: Mental bondage pain, submission all of that can be so powerful
[7:41] Payne Samiam: and real
[7:41] Payne Samiam: no matter if 1m away or 5000 miles
[7:41] Payne Samiam: if your with the right person
[7:42] ***LM***: yes Sir it can
[7:42] Payne Samiam: but most of the toys etc you will see in sl have no reality
[7:42] Payne Samiam: i'd prefer sit down with my girl ask her to close her eyes and me take her deeply into submission via voice than play on a sex bed or bouncy bouncy machine
[7:43] ***LM***: purrs
[7:43] Payne Samiam: ***LW*** is showering getting ready for work btw or she would be much more talky talky :)
[7:44] Payne Samiam: Now questions and discussions and talkie talkie time, hit me with it or each other
[7:44] ***LM*** giggles
[7:44] ***LW***: baaack
[7:44] ***LW***: just in time
[7:44] ***LW***: giggles
[7:44] Payne Samiam: Welcome back love
[7:44] Payne Samiam snuggles his love
[7:44] ***LM***: welcome back
[7:44] ***LW***: I do not roleplay pain. if i am told to do something in rl, it is Master directing my hands.
[7:44] ***LW***: if he says, pinch hard, and it hurtd
[7:44] ***LW***: I will tell him
[7:45] ***AR***: I am curious to know how the dom take in his sub in deeply submission, Sir Payne
[7:45] ***LW***: and he will direct my hands to pinch harder or lessen, etc
[7:45] ***OI***: ***OI*** wonders if you get into erotic shaving?
[7:45] Payne Samiam: In sl it is very much hard to find a partner who isn't playing games
[7:45] ***AR***: on voice, sorry
[7:46] Payne Samiam: okay a simple example I won't focus this on anyone and its just winging it
[7:46] Payne Samiam: Dear girl listen to my voice, just relax for me, breath slowly, gently and slowly, little by little letting go, held by Master, cared for and loved.
[7:47] ***OI***: mmmmmmmmmm
[7:47] ***KR***: I feel sleepy...........lol
[7:47] Payne Samiam: I don't do scripts or written ideas, I find its so much better to listen to the one your with and adapt just follow the path together
[7:48] ***LW*** nods
[7:48] Payne Samiam: its all very personal
[7:49] Payne Samiam: like i've always said make it personal, its a journey between you and your girl or the other way around
[7:49] Payne Samiam: and always listen
[7:50] Payne Samiam: The simple rule if it feels right if it feels natural then go with it
[7:50] Payne Samiam: if not then its not the right time
[7:50] Payne Samiam: More questions or comments :)
[7:51] ***PG***: Just one
[7:51] Payne Samiam waits for it
[7:51] ***LM***: you lost me on the girl/boy thing please forgive this bay
[7:51] ***PG***: I think people should be reminded that it is very dangerous to engage in self bondage or inflicting self pain at someone elses direction unless you REALLY know them well on both sides
[7:52] Payne Samiam: I completely agree ***PG*** I would have said pretty much that at the end :) now you saved me doing it
[7:52] Payne Samiam: LostDJ what do you mean what context and its fine :)
[7:53] ***AR***: I gotta go, I thankyou for the lesson, Sir payne, wishing A/all well :)
[7:53] Payne Samiam: Bye have a good day
[7:55] Payne Samiam: But yes ***PG*** sl is not really the best place as an example but things can be very real in real
[7:56] ***PG***: huh?
[7:56] Payne Samiam: As in knife play etc in sl is just play and silly
[7:56] Payne Samiam: but in real it can be well erm lol real
[7:56] Payne Samiam grins
[7:57] Payne Samiam: Which is why I advise people to explore these things in rl with people you trust or online only if your extremely competent and know the issues
[7:57] ***OI***: shivers at the though too scary
[7:58] Payne Samiam: There is lots of things done in sl that you wouldn't or shouldn't do rl
[7:58] ***PG***: The very nature of Dom/submissive relationships makes a flow on effect into real life from second life a distinct possibility. Directives given in SL can and do have results in real life. I know of girls that have been sent out on the streets to pick up guys for random sex to satisify the quirks of nutters pretending to be doms
[7:58] Payne Samiam: to some its a hard definition to make
[7:58] Payne Samiam: Forgive me ***PG*** but ...
[7:59] Payne Samiam: Any fucked up guy or mistress or what the fuck ever who would do that to a girl is NOT a Master, not even a human being
[7:59] Payne Samiam: and deserves a painful death
[7:59] ***PG***: Many girls in SL are cutters in real life. It takes very little encouragement before they get well out of control in real life from stuff they are asked tgo do in second life
[7:59] Payne Samiam: but thats my personal feelings on the subject
[7:59] ***CB***: its stupid
[7:59] ***FB***: Well said Payne - complety agree
[7:59] ***PG***: If the dom in second life is not aware of this, even if he is the nicest guy in the world, that can be disastrous
[8:00] Payne Samiam: I don't believe you can be taught to be a Master
[8:00] Payne Samiam: it comes from inside
[8:00] ***OI***: cutters are deeply disturbed....they need to see a real doctor to help them that is a significant red flag
[8:00] ***PG***: Many pretend
[8:00] Payne Samiam: too many wanabe's
[8:00] Payne Samiam: yes
[8:00] Payne Samiam: A true Master his whole focus will always be to put his girl first
[8:00] Payne Samiam: her mental health
[8:00] Payne Samiam: her physical health
[8:01] Payne Samiam: before any uppy downy motion
[8:01] Payne Samiam: Your responsible for another human being
[8:01] ***CB***: exactly
[8:01] ***CB***: and u have to take care of her
[8:01] ***CB***: cherish her
[8:01] ***CB***: love her
[8:01] Payne Samiam: Take Master as Master/Mistress/Dom/Domme :)
[8:01] ***CB***: and not use like an object
[8:02] ***YY***: if i may interupt for a moment. a D/s relationship is not all sex, infact it's but 1 part of many elements that make up the experience.
[8:02] Payne Samiam: Exactly
[8:02] Payne Samiam: In D/s relationships i've put girls through college, helped them get promotions at work, helped them realise there dreams
[8:02]
[8:02] Payne Samiam: I am one of the few Masters who has successfully looked after lesbias
[8:03] Payne Samiam: lesbians
[8:03] Payne Samiam: and no not by trying to turn them
[8:03] Payne Samiam: but by helping them get on with life and giving them a safe haven
[8:04] Payne Samiam snuggles ***LW***
[8:04] Payne Samiam: I love you ***LW*** I know you need to go to work have a lovely day and i'll talk to you on yahoo or see you when I wake
[8:04] Payne Samiam snuggles ***LW***
[8:04] Payne Samiam: Any more good points anyone wants to make
[8:05] Payne Samiam: BTW it goes without saying don't do shibari with anyone you met on the street
[8:05] Payne Samiam: same with anything
[8:05] Payne Samiam: common sense
[8:05] Payne Samiam: And what would people like a talk on next thursday I love getting ideas and suggestions
[8:06] ***LW***: giggles
[8:06] Payne Samiam loves his nummy ***LW***
[8:06] ***YY***: i would have thought, trying to engage in bondage and bdsm play with any stranger is a bad idea.
[8:06] Payne Samiam: Yes but some people do
[8:07] ***YY***: more for kicks than a serious act, though
[8:07] ***PG***: not always
[8:07] Payne Samiam: There is alot of predators out there
[8:07] ***AG***: red flags
[8:07] ***YY***: hence the bad idea comment.
[8:07] ***AG***: please
[8:07] Payne Samiam listens
[8:09] Payne Samiam: Everything went very quiet shhhhh everyone must be huntin wabbits
[8:09] ***RS***: smiles
[8:09] ***PG*** laughs
[8:09] Payne Samiam: Okay i think a good talk for next week would be ..
[8:09] Payne Samiam: red flags
[8:09] Payne Samiam: warning signs
[8:09] Payne Samiam: what to look for
[8:09] ***PG***: Perhaps that might serve as a them for a discussion. The dnagers of online predation
[8:09] Payne Samiam: how to keep yourself safe
[8:10] ***LW***: seeya tonight love. :) have a wonderful day!!
[8:10] ***PG***: even if I can't spell it
[8:10] ***RS***: yes...how to keep yourself safe
[8:10] ***LW***: sorrye veryone work calls
[8:10] Payne Samiam: you too love bai bai nummy girl
[8:10] ***AG***: YAY
[8:10] ***RS***: bye
[8:10] ***YY*** waves
[8:10] Payne Samiam: I get up at 4am so i can tuck her in before she goes bed
[8:11] ***AG***: great subject
[8:11] ***AG***: awwww
[8:11] Payne Samiam: So that is a definite subject for same time next week
[8:11] Payne Samiam: sadly there is alot of people in D/s and BDSM who shouldn't be in and do alot of damahe
[8:12] Payne Samiam: damage
[8:12] ***RS***: yes... i agree
[8:12] Payne Samiam: over the last 10 years i'd haveto say atleast half my time as a Master and carer has been trying to repair damage done by others
[8:12] Payne Samiam: The good guys the good women whatever your preferences, that shouldn't be the suprise
[8:12] Payne Samiam: but sadly it is
[8:13] Payne Samiam: we are blown away when we find a good one
[8:13] Payne Samiam: and thats sad
[8:13] Payne Samiam: If anyone wants to friendship me and ask questions thats fine also
[8:13] Payne Samiam: I don't do this for money i'm happy to help anyone and give advice
[8:14] ***AG***: ))
[8:14] Payne Samiam: only warning is i'm pretty blunt so if someone does something stupid i will tell them
[8:14] Payne Samiam smiles
[8:14] ***RS***: Thank you Payne!
[8:14] ***PG***: thank you for the lesson and the discussion
[8:14] Payne Samiam: Thank you for being here
[8:14] ***FB***: Very interesting - thank you very much
[8:14] ***RS***: I appreciate the friendship Payne
[8:15] Payne Samiam: after all without people listening and taking part then im just a crazy guy talking to prims
[8:15] ***RS***: It was very inciteful...your talk
[8:15] Payne Samiam: My pleasure Robin :)
[8:15] ***AG***: lol
[8:15] Payne Samiam: I don't trust prims they are sneakuy
[8:15] Payne Samiam: oh god my typing is going out the window lol
[8:15] ***YY***: finger cramp? =p
[8:15] ***CB***: lol
[8:16] Payne Samiam: <-- is a first genre typonese
[8:16] ***CB***: heh
[8:16] ***RS***: ha!
[8:17] Payne Samiam: I am also starting up a little group/meeting.
[8:17] Payne Samiam: it will be informal when people have time and at mine and ***LW***'s house
[8:17] ***YY***: as i sometimes say, i speak good english, and bad english, fluently.
[8:17] ***CB***: heh
[8:17] Payne Samiam: just informal stuff talking and sometimes examples of hypnosis etc
[8:17] ***RS***: that would be interesting
[8:18] Payne Samiam: but generally just a place to kick back and have fun talks and parties.
[8:18] Payne Samiam: But first me and ***LW*** is getting married YAY!!!
[8:18] ***CB***: congrats
[8:18] Payne Samiam: then the house will be finished :)
[8:18] ***PG***: congratulations
[8:18] ***YY***: vongratulations.
[8:18] ***RS***: Congratulations!
[8:18] ***YY***: congratulations* too
[8:18] Payne Samiam: So i'll do a bulk hopefully non annoying message when its setup
[8:19] Payne Samiam: My talks always go over the hour hehe
[8:19] ***OI***: :)
[8:19] Payne Samiam: Anything else anyone wants to say before I go make cheese melties
[8:19] ***PG***: yum
[8:20] ***CB***: guess u can go now lol
[8:20] ***RS***: thanks
[8:20] Payne Samiam grins
[8:20] Sarah Aldwych: thanks and congrats!
[8:20] ***CB***: have a good meal
[8:20] ***AG***: waves buh bye -- ty , see u all soon
[8:21] ***YY*** waves
[8:21] Payne Samiam: Have a lovely day all of you
[8:21] ***YY***: you too.

Shadowplay - 10/22/08

[7:04] Zealot Benmergui: Welcome A/all to the House of V’s College of Kink. My name is Zealot Benmergui, Baron BardHaven and I will be your host today. The topic for today is All things Dark and Dangerous: An introduction to Shadowplay and we will be defining Shadowplay, discussing what and why it is, and how it can be practiced safely and responsibly. Please note that for the purpose of clarity, I will tend to use “she” to refer to a submissive and “he” to refer to a Dominant, but either can be of any gender.
[7:05] Zealot Benmergui: I also ask you all to bear with me, as I have just come back to Sl after a few weeks stuck in meatspace dealing with holidays and rl...so I may be a bit rusty
[7:05] Zealot Benmergui: As long time victi…umm..attendees of my lectures know, I have little time or sympathy for those stereotypical views often held by the vanilla world regarding D/s. I know full well that to the mainstream, most D/s is all about dishrags in the shape of women with serious esteem issues pretending to be whipped by men wearing Rick Jame’s hand me downs who never forgave their mothers for that whole toilet training thing. I know it, and don’t much care.
[7:07] Zealot Benmergui: That is just something we have all learned to live with when we happen to let slip what we enjoy in the bedroom, or our mother in law walks in when we are still suspended with a barbie doll shoved up our ass
[7:07] ***tY***: laughs
[7:07] ***GA*** wonders how Z managed to rig a cam in her bedroom
[7:07] Zealot Benmergui: However, stereotypes do not stop with the vanilla community, nor are they always unhealthy or wrong.
[7:08] Zealot Benmergui: Wired the Teddy Ruxpin to transmit dear
[7:08] ***tY***: (notes the barbie doll as not one of her needs..)
[7:08] ***GA*** smiles
[7:08] Zealot Benmergui: I know that even to many of us in the lifestyle, D/s and BDSM is kinky fun and games, a way to relax and enjoy ourselves and each other...and I think that is great. For others, D/s is a romantic indulgence in the sex-roles of a bygone age, and that is utterly fabulous and very rewarding for all involved. D/s should be, and in most cases must be…fun. However, there are more serious aspects of D/s that often get overlooked in online relationships, but which are very important and easily misused.
[7:09] Zealot Benmergui: Even more importantly, they are often stumbled into accidently, which can often cause a great deal of confusion, upset and misunderstanding.
[7:09] Zealot Benmergui: One of these more serious aspects is Shadowplay. I use that term, originally coined by two excellent writers on D/s topics, Janet Hardy and Dossie Easton, to describe some of the more delicate and far reaching psychological aspects that D/s can play into. Before going much further, I wish to make clear now that Shadowplay is not for the inexperienced and should never be taken lightly. Furthermore it should never be attempted with a new partner.
[7:10] Zealot Benmergui: Shadowplay can be very very rewarding both emotionally and sexually...but it can also be highly damaging, so handle with extreme care.
[7:10] Zealot Benmergui: Ok now, brace yourself, we are about to hit the academic part...
[7:11] Zealot Benmergui: To understand Shadowplay, we need to make a quick trip into Jungian psychology. Carl Jung was a renegade Freudian who expanded on Freud’s theories of the unconscious. It can be helpful when thinking about Jung’s theories to imagine the psych as a vast ocean. The Conscious is an island floating on that ocean. Nice and solid and stable. That island is all of the normal day to day thoughts and events of our life. Sitting at your keyboard, having dinner, ogling the waitress, having sex with your husband a few volunteers from the pub…all of that is part of the conscious.
[7:11] ***GA*** holds Evie's hand tightly
[7:11] Zealot Benmergui: *AND a few volunteers
[7:11] Zealot Benmergui: see, told ya, rusty
[7:11] ***tY***: giggles
[7:11] ***EC***: :-)
[7:12] Zealot Benmergui: The tide rolling up on the edges of the island is the Preconscious. Images and memories and dreams that come and go in the back of our mind like the sea on a beach. We are aware of them, spend time thinking about them, but they are not a crucial part of our world. The fact that you are vaguely aware that one of the guys from the pub looks just like your Uncle Jerry, but not as well hung and doesn’t sweat as much, and that you dreamed about just this sort of scene, but all the men were actually animated frogs…that is Preconscious.
[7:12] Zealot Benmergui: Other people describe the Preconcious as what you think about when you are just falling asleep...and usually don;t remember.
[7:12] ***tY***: (wondering how I know how well hung uncle jerry is and decides not to go there..)
[7:13] Zealot Benmergui: OH don;t worry..Jung went there alreaady
[7:13] ***tY***: laughs
[7:13] Zealot Benmergui: Now this is where things get murkier
[7:13] Zealot Benmergui: The water below the island is the Unconscious, the vast amount of information and emotion that we are usually not aware of but that colors the Preconscious. The specific childhood memory of WHY we know that Uncle Jerry was so well hung, and why we always think of fruit baskets when we see him in family photos…that is all part of the Unconscious. The very deepest part of the Unconscious according to Jung was the Collective Unconscious, which included the elements and images we are aware of as part of our shared ancestry and that feed the Unconscious. Fear of wolves or of men LIKE Uncle Jerry…that is part of the Collective Unconscious.
[7:14] ***tY***: (quietly apologies for leaving in the middle but is being called away in RL)
[7:14] Zealot Benmergui: The Unconcious is everything that supports the Preconcious and the Concious...without it, we are unmoored, adrift.
[7:15] Zealot Benmergui: But there are times when both the Concious and the Unconcious are disrupted....and that brings us to Shadow
[7:15] Zealot Benmergui: Jung believed there was yet another thing floating in this sea, which he called Shadow. Picture Shadow like an iceberg. The very tip of it is visible from the conscious, but the vast majority is down in the Preconscious and Unconscious. Shadow are the memories, responses, emotions and reactions that our psyche feels are so dangerous that they must be walled off. These can be traumatic real life events that we have suppressed to a greater or lesser degree, or simply learned taboos that were so deeply ingrained as to leave a scar across our psyche, such as an parental injunction that talking about sex is bad, or that masturbation is dirty.
[7:16] Zealot Benmergui: For example, if a punishment we recieved for a certain action was so terrible, or so powerful as far as we were concerned, that our Unconcious swore that to avoid that punishment not only would we never do that again, but never DESIRE to do it again or have the feeling that led to the desire...THAT is Shadow
[7:17] Zealot Benmergui: The Shadow is where we have banished a great deal of traumatic or embarrassing thoughts which due to the fact they can often stray up into the Conscious mind, can make a lot of trouble for us, sometimes even handicap or limit us…that is where Shadowplay comes in. Shadowplay is the exploration, examination and exorcism of the Shadow.
[7:17] Zealot Benmergui: How is this done?
[7:18] Zealot Benmergui: Well, in most cases, we are aware of what at least the vauge outlines of what we have in Shadow.,..we know what scares us, what troubles us...what excites us yet also fills us with dread
[7:19] Zealot Benmergui: Most of the time we stumble upon such things by accident. And unexpected reaction when our partner holds our hands down, a sudden panic when we are locked in a closet....
[7:19] Zealot Benmergui: *An
[7:19] Zealot Benmergui: Once we have a vauge idea of what is in our Shadow, that is where Shadowplay can start
[7:20] Zealot Benmergui: Itis possible for a Master and a submissive, or even any two people in a very strong relationship, to actively play through the experiences in Shadow..to drag them into the light.
[7:21] Zealot Benmergui: Sometimes this is with the purpose of making them no longer so terrifying, othertimes it is to understand them, sometimes it is simply because that sort of emotional intensity is desired.
[7:21] Zealot Benmergui: At this point, I have another warning...Shadowplay is NOT therepy.
[7:21] Zealot Benmergui: It may walk like Therepy, and quack like Therepy...but it isn;t.
[7:22] Zealot Benmergui: Shadowplay can expose and explore and role play traumatic events or repressed emotions, but it cannot heal the underlaying wounds.
[7:23] ***TD*** ponders and waits to hear more
[7:23] Zealot Benmergui: It may however help expose those wounds so they CAN be healed....but that often requires trained medical personel, and should not be viewed as simple.
[7:23] Zealot Benmergui: Just because you are able to understand better your fears due to roleplay an abusive situation from your past doesn;t mean you are free and clear of it
[7:24] Zealot Benmergui: Now then, with that understood, and assuming that you and a long time partner have found elements of your past that you wish to explore through Shadowplay...what do you do?
[7:25] Zealot Benmergui: First and foremost...as Pirate always says...COMMUNICATE.
[7:25] Zealot Benmergui: Shadowplay requires a great deal of talking. in advance.
[7:25] Zealot Benmergui: Discuss what you remember, what you don;t remember, how you felt, how you feel....
[7:26] Zealot Benmergui: Carefully define the edges of what you want to play, the roles you wish each of you to take, the possibilities and pitfalls.
[7:26] Zealot Benmergui: Next establish safe words, and beyond those non verbal clues that will inform the Dominant that you are in trouble, or have to stop or pause
[7:27] Zealot Benmergui: I won;t dissemble as to what Shadowplay can do, and it is most often used in cases where the submissive has been sexually abused in the past, or has unhealthy responses related to sex in their past....
[7:28] Zealot Benmergui: and therefore, if while Shadowplaying such an incidant, the Dominant goes too far, or fails to stop when he or she needs to, the damage can be enormous, first and foremost to their relationship...
[7:29] Zealot Benmergui: Therefore it is essential that as much discussion as possible go on before, and that great care is taken to control the scene itself.
[7:29] Zealot Benmergui: Even then, surprises will come up...the more intense the scene, the greater the number of surprises....and often these are very healthy.
[7:30] Zealot Benmergui: The unexpected that arises during Shadowplay is what helps us expand out knowlege and understanding..it is the new percpective and understanding that illuminates the Shadow...the unpexpect response or reaction is the very reason for Shadowplay, so they should not be ignored or avoided.
[7:31] Zealot Benmergui: Some couples prefer to video such sessions, so that they can be discussed and considered afterwards to provide additional insight
[7:31] Zealot Benmergui: When they take place online, chat logs are very very important and can help to reconstruct the emotions later.
[7:32] Zealot Benmergui: Now then...lets say that all of this haas occured, and the scene in which you and a partner play out a traumatic memory from childhood is done, and you got the chance to explore different actions and options from that time, perhaps now you understand better why you did as you did, and why you are as you are....and the scene has hit the point that you have had enough...what now?
[7:33] Zealot Benmergui: In Shadowplay, aftercare is even more essential then it is in normal scenes.
[7:33] Zealot Benmergui: A Dominant must take great care to help their sub out of the Shadow, to bring them fully back to the solid ground of the concious
[7:34] Zealot Benmergui: This can take time, and involves a great deal of reassurence and, yet again, talking....
[7:34] Zealot Benmergui: If time is not taken to fully discuss and share views on what just took place, it loses a great deal of it's value.
[7:34] Zealot Benmergui: In Shadowplay, aftercare can take hours, even days....and should never be skimped on.
[7:35] Zealot Benmergui: Before I open the floor to our normal discussion and we invite Tigerseye back for the orgy, one more caution....
[7:35] Zealot Benmergui: Do not overuse Shadowplay
[7:35] ***PG*** smiles
[7:36] Zealot Benmergui: It is exhausting and difficult, even when all goes perfectly....always give a good deal of time between sessions. Sometimes when a deep seated problem is fuanlly being dealt with, a submissive will have the desire to keep at it....don;t.
[7:37] Zealot Benmergui: You need time to digest and consider...often repeating a Shadowplay session will just confuse or obscure your understanding, so don;t be afraid to take your time. Your Shadow isn;t going anywhere in the mean time.
[7:38] Zealot Benmergui: Shadowplay can be a very rewarding, very passionate, very bonding sort of experience...and if handled properly can bring a great deal of light and trust into a good D/s relationship.
[7:39] Zealot Benmergui: And now, I open the floor to your views, questions, and thoughts..and if you are hurling bricks, try to avoid my head.
[7:39] Zealot Benmergui: Well, first and foremost, do any of you have experience with Shadowplay, wether you called it that or no?
[7:40] ***GA*** shakes head
[7:40] ***EC***: none at all
[7:40] ***XD***: sort of.. maybe
[7:40] ***TD*** smiles nodding
[7:40] Zealot Benmergui: nods...Sort of maybe is a very accurate answer for many of us...
[7:40] ***EC***: didn't even know it existed till now
[7:40] ***JU***: sort of...maybe also
[7:41] ***PG*** thinks evryone probably has to some extent or other
[7:41] Zealot Benmergui: Miss ***TD***, without exposing yourself overly much, could you share some of your experience?
[7:42] ***TD***: some I know speak of it quiet differently..... I was told it was more of a trust building between myself and my former Mistress we spoke about some of an ex[erince that occured to me when I was a teenager and how it affected me
[7:42] Zealot Benmergui: nods
[7:43] Zealot Benmergui: many people use it as a trust enhancer..for me, I always feel more secure with it once that trust is already quite strong
[7:43] Zealot Benmergui: But it can certainly be used in that respect
[7:43] ***TD***: we then discussed how I felt about it, and if I would be willing to recreate it, I agreed as I did want more trust
[7:43] Zealot Benmergui: How did it go, if I may ask?
[7:44] ***TD***: afterwards I was drained for days and the aftercare was quiet poor so it wasn't what I expected to feel afterwards I was left feeling really down
[7:45] Zealot Benmergui: That is always a danger...it is very possible to relieve a traumatic event and end up feeling as lousy as you did the first time
[7:45] ***TD*** nods
[7:45] Zealot Benmergui: Which is why I prefer to use it in relationships that are already quite strong, which helps the Dominant anticipate what sort of care will be needed
[7:46] ***TD***: I would say it has to be in a strong relationship as ours crumbled quickly afterwards
[7:46] Zealot Benmergui: It is also why I strongly urge couples to "debrief" it...discuss what happened and see what can be learned or gained from it.
[7:46] Zealot Benmergui: I am very sorry to hear that, Miss ***TD***
[7:47] ***TD***: thank you and I am almost recovered from it all
[7:47] Zealot Benmergui: How long ago was the Shadowplay?
[7:47] Zealot Benmergui: In hindsight, do you feel you gained anything from it?
[7:48] Zealot Benmergui: and if not, what could have been done differently, do you think?
[7:49] Zealot Benmergui: *nods...Miss ***XD***...Sort of Maybe? What experience do you feel may have wandered into Shadowplay?
[7:50] ***TD***: (eep sorry phone went if that was a question for me)
[7:50] Zealot Benmergui: smiles..it was, and no worries
[7:50] ***XD***: similar to what ***TD*** said.. teeange occurance that I relive all the time in RL and SL
[7:51] ***GA*** smiles warmly at ***TD*** for sharing such personal feelings that are most valuable
[7:51] ***TD*** smiles
[7:51] Zealot Benmergui: nods...So it tends to color scenes wether you wish it to or not Miss ***XD***?
[7:51] ***XD***: yes
[7:51] Zealot Benmergui: nods..I understand. Have you ever gone into a scene specifically to try and adress what happened?
[7:52] ***XD***: no, not really
[7:52] Zealot Benmergui: nods...It can be a very daunting and frightening proposition.
[7:53] Zealot Benmergui: Conventional wisdom would state that we should avoid such a thing at all costs...but the the Shadow does tend to make itself known in the Concious
[7:53] ***XD***: i usually don't mention it to the partner, only a few know
[7:53] Zealot Benmergui: nods..I understand completely
[7:53] Zealot Benmergui: There are aspects of Shadowplay that do not deal with abuse, so to speak..often times it can be used to get past hangups of fears
[7:54] Zealot Benmergui: for example, if someone is very drawn to anal sex, but from an early age, had the fact that it is wrong imposed on their thoughts..they may find themselves wanting, even engaging in anal sex, then punishing or hating themselves due to it
[7:55] Zealot Benmergui: Shadowplay can be used to help them understand their reactions, and get past them
[7:56] Zealot Benmergui: While it can entail a great deal of risk, and can go badly, with proper preperationand communication it can also be a tremendously positive tool
[7:57] ***GA*** raises hand
[7:57] Zealot Benmergui: Yes Miss***GA***
[7:57] ***GA***: Who would you say gains the most insight, the sub or Dom/me?
[7:58] Zealot Benmergui: ideally they are equal
[7:58] ***EC***: Is it always a sub's shadow?
[7:58] Zealot Benmergui: knowledge should be a two way street, and both sides should share their views on this
[7:58] Zealot Benmergui: No Miss Constantine, it isn't
[7:59] Zealot Benmergui: Dominants are, contrary to popular belief, also people..we have also gone through traumas and situations in the past that influence who we are today
[7:59] ***GA***: Would it be true that initially the Dom/me would gain insight with the sub gaining the full benefit with growing realistion of how the experience has 'released' and exorcised 'demons'?
[7:59] ***EC***: Oh I am aware of that Sir
[8:00] Zealot Benmergui: On several occasions I have engaged in Shadow play in order to look at my own demons, or relive a situation from my past I wished I could have handled differently
[8:00] ***GA*** nods
[8:00] ***EC***: thank you Sir
[8:00] Zealot Benmergui: It is a little different since I was also in control of the scene, but I really wanted to hear the woman's views on it all, and get her input into the situation
[8:01] ***GA***: So although the Dom/me still controls and guides the scene, either can be the 'subject' of Shadowplay?
[8:01] Zealot Benmergui: Miss***GA***, that is possible...but more often then not in that situation it is the sub who has the "click" egarding self knowledge...
[8:02] Zealot Benmergui: Indeed....though in one case I did ask the sub to safeword out if she felt I was out of control, or if I frieghtened her
[8:02] ***GA*** nods and smiles
[8:02] ***GA***: Thank you Z
[8:02] Zealot Benmergui: and of course, in live scenes, the big syringe of valium is at times helful
[8:03] ***GA***: lol
[8:03] ***EC***: do you have a spare Sir??
[8:03] ***XD***: lol
[8:03] ***GA***: Too bad if the syringe were part of the scene before hand lol
[8:03] ***EC***: hahahaha
[8:03] Zealot Benmergui: If it is essential, always keep a spare
[8:04] Zealot Benmergui: Well, before I release you I wish to remind you of three important points concerning Shadowplay...
[8:04] ***GA*** makes a mental note to check all cupboards and drawers
[8:04] Zealot Benmergui: It is dangerous, and should be handled with great care...
[8:04] Zealot Benmergui: Great care should always be taken with communication before hand, awareness during, and proper care following the scene
[8:05] Zealot Benmergui: and lastly...every person's milage may vary....as with all aspects of D/s, take what you agree with, disgard what you don;t like...and enjoy and grow in what you do.
[8:06] Zealot Benmergui: If anyone has questions or comments they wish to share privately, I am always availed for IM, whether I am online or not
[8:06] ***GA*** smiles and applauds "Thank you for such a thought provoking talk Z"
[8:06] ***XD***: it was an interesting discussion
[8:06] ***EC***: Thank you very much Sir, I have learned things today :-))
[8:06] ***TD***: Thank you for your time Sir
[8:07] Zealot Benmergui: Next week I will be lecturing in my normal Monday Morning slot, and speaking on "My submissive is a Virgin: D/s without Sex"
[8:07] ***JU***: thank you

D/s 101 submisive Rights and Dominant Responsibilities - 10/21/08

[2008/10/21 7:04] Pirate Russell: Ok, please take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[2008/10/21 7:04] Pirate Russell: For those that must leave early this, and all transcripts will be posted at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com .
[2008/10/21 7:04] Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! As most of y'all know, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor. I have been in SL for nearly 3 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[2008/10/21 7:05] Pirate Russell: Our topic today, "D/s 101 submisive Rights and Dominant Responsibilities".
[2008/10/21 7:05] Pirate Russell: This topic is VERY near and dear to My heart. I have seen submissives mistreated by their dominants and either left the SL Lifestyle or just spent way too much time not enjoying themselves.
[2008/10/21 7:05] Pirate Russell: My philosophy is that W/we are all her to enjoy ourselves. Some gain that enjoyment by being whipped, some by whipping. Some enjoy being humiliated, some enjoy humiliating them.
[2008/10/21 7:05] Pirate Russell: W/we each have our own fun, but it's just that. fun. W/we are here to enjoy our time or we'd be off doing other things in other games, or Real Life.....
[2008/10/21 7:05] Pirate Russell: Further, submission is a GIFT. The most special gift that can be given.
[2008/10/21 7:06] Pirate Russell: subsmissives give themselves. There is no greater honour, or honor for those that speak American, than to be given the gift of submission.
[2008/10/21 7:06] Pirate Russell: I have found a very good list of submissive Rights
[2008/10/21 7:06] Pirate Russell: Here are some of the basic submissive rights:
[2008/10/21 7:06] Pirate Russell: 1) You have the right to be respected.
[2008/10/21 7:06] Pirate Russell: No one should be ordering you around or expecting you to answer questions or doing things you're not comfortable with.
[2008/10/21 7:06] Pirate Russell: 2) You have the right to your freedom.
[2008/10/21 7:06] Pirate Russell: Just because someone is interested in you, they can't take your freedom from you.
[2008/10/21 7:07] Pirate Russell: Don't let anyone try to intimidate you; you belong to no one until you offer yourself to them. They can't restrict you in any way until you allow them to.
[2008/10/21 7:07] Pirate Russell: 3) You have a right to be satisfied--emotionally and physically.
[2008/10/21 7:07] Pirate Russell: This is a relationship, y'all. While the power control aspect does add a few kinks (pun intended) into the mix, you don't get extra points for making yourself into a sacrificial lamb for someone else's amusement and/or satisfaction.
[2008/10/21 7:07] Pirate Russell: Get what you need or find someone else that will give it to you.
[2008/10/21 7:07] Pirate Russell: 4) You have a right to take your time and not rush into anything ever.
[2008/10/21 7:07] Pirate Russell: Being chained in the doorway, naked and vulnerable isn't really a good time to find out your Dominant wants to explore their sadistic side a little more.
[2008/10/21 7:07] Pirate Russell: Talk,
[2008/10/21 7:08] Pirate Russell: talk,
[2008/10/21 7:08] Pirate Russell: talk,
[2008/10/21 7:08] Pirate Russell: and talk some more. If you have concerns that aren't addressed, move on. It's not worth the risk.
[2008/10/21 7:08] Pirate Russell: 5) You DON'T have a right to play "needy and desperate".
[2008/10/21 7:08] Pirate Russell: Who in the world wants to own someone that doesn't have a backbone and will submit to anyone for any reason? BIG satisfaction potential there!
[2008/10/21 7:08] Pirate Russell: 6) You have a right to respect yourself.
[2008/10/21 7:08] Pirate Russell: This means holding out for the relationship YOU want and not being talked into the relationship someone else wants with you.
[2008/10/21 7:08] Pirate Russell: You're submissive, not stupid and, if you're not going to be happy, you're only wasting everyone's time.
[2008/10/21 7:08] Pirate Russell: Just any collar isn't worth your peace of mind. Honest. It *HAS* to be the right one.
[2008/10/21 7:09] Pirate Russell: 7) You have the right to enjoy this always.
[2008/10/21 7:09] Pirate Russell: If you find you're in a relationship that's bringing more tears, confusion and unreasonable or uncomfortable demands than smiles and "warm fuzzies",
[2008/10/21 7:09] Pirate Russell: take some time to pull back and see what's going on or talk with someone else about it,either your Dominant or a friend who knows the lifestyle.
[2008/10/21 7:09] Pirate Russell: The same basics apply here as anywhere; something's wrong if you're dreading logging into SL, or hiding from people.
[2008/10/21 7:09] Pirate Russell: You deserve more than that. Have the courage to find it. You'll be glad you did!"
[2008/10/21 7:09] Pirate Russell: Most of all I want to reiterate, you have the RIGHT to enjoy yourself. and submissives have the RIGHT to wait for the right Dominant.
[2008/10/21 7:09] Pirate Russell: Ok... now the other side of the coin, so to speak.
[2008/10/21 7:10] Pirate Russell: The following is taken Dominant's Creed
[2008/10/21 7:10] Pirate Russell: Above all else a Dom/me cherishes Their submissive, in the knowledge that the gift the submissive gives Them is the greatest gift of all.
[2008/10/21 7:10] Pirate Russell: A Dom/me is in control of Themselves first and foremost, so that They may control others.
[2008/10/21 7:10] Pirate Russell: In times of trouble, a Dom/me will leave the roles behind, to be a supportive friend and partner, never forgetting that this is still a loving relationship between two caring individuals.
[2008/10/21 7:10] Pirate Russell: A Dom/me is quick to understand the differences between fantasy and reality.
[2008/10/21 7:10] Pirate Russell: A Dom/me would never asks a submissive to put Them before their career, or family, or Rreal Life, just to satisfy Their own pleasure.
[2008/10/21 7:11] Pirate Russell: To win a submissive's mind, body, spirit, soul, and love, a Dom/me knows They must first win their trust.
[2008/10/21 7:11] Pirate Russell: A Dom/me must always show them that Their guidance and tutoring is knowledgeable and deserving of their attention, that this is a person they can learn from, and that they can trust Their direction.
[2008/10/21 7:11] Pirate Russell: A Dom/me proves to their submissive that They are someone they can lean on, and depend on.
[2008/10/21 7:11] Pirate Russell: When it comes time to teach Their submissive their lessons of obedience, They are a strong and unyielding professor.
[2008/10/21 7:11] Pirate Russell: A Dom/me will accept no flaw. Nothing less than perfection from Their submissive.
[2008/10/21 7:11] Pirate Russell: A Dom/me is always open to communication and discussion; always ready to hear Their submissive's wants and needs.
[2008/10/21 7:12] Pirate Russell: A Dom/me is patient; taking time to learn Their submissive's limits, and knowing that as their trust of Them grows, so will they.
[2008/10/21 7:12] Pirate Russell: A Dom/me never has to demand ritual behavior from Their submissive. Their submissive responds to Them out of the want of pleasing Them. Compliance comes from the wanting to please, not the fear of punishment.
[2008/10/21 7:12] Pirate Russell: A Dom/me understands the fragile nature of mind and body and never violates the trust given to Them.
[2008/10/21 7:12] Pirate Russell: A Dom/me is secure enough to laugh at Themselves and the absurdities of life. Open minded enough to learn new things. Strong enough to grow.
[2008/10/21 7:12] Pirate Russell: A Dom/me's tools are mind, body, spirit, soul, respect and love
[2008/10/21 7:13] Pirate Russell: A Dom/me understands that E/each partner gains most from pleasuring the O/other.
[2008/10/21 7:13] Pirate Russell: And B/both of T/them know that love and trust are the only bindings that truly hold.
[2008/10/21 7:13] Pirate Russell: For those that must leave this, and all transcripts will be posted at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2008/10/21 7:13] Pirate Russell: Quesitons and comments on these Rights & Responsibilities?
[2008/10/21 7:13] Pirate Russell: SpeakEasy HUD detaching...
[2008/10/21 7:14] ***PW***: most of what you say Pirate is common sense but just needs to be reiterated
[2008/10/21 7:14] ***PW***: and thats a good thing
[2008/10/21 7:14] ***RJ***: it is common sense - for people who have thought it through
[2008/10/21 7:14] ***PW***: thats right
[2008/10/21 7:14] ***RJ***: not everyone likes to think though ;)
[2008/10/21 7:15] ***PW***: but as part of the relationship the discussion is learning process
[2008/10/21 7:15] Pirate Russell: Well, it's also that I take this seriously, some Dominants, I'd even say MOST are not here for the RELATIONSHIP
[2008/10/21 7:15] Pirate Russell: They're here to swing a belt, and get some easy cyber!
[2008/10/21 7:15] ***PW***: i agree
[2008/10/21 7:15] ***XD***: yeah
[2008/10/21 7:16] Pirate Russell: Ok, now ALL subbies, strip!
[2008/10/21 7:16] Pirate Russell: Just kidding
[2008/10/21 7:16] ***XD***: hehehe
[2008/10/21 7:16] ***IM*** giggles
[2008/10/21 7:16] ***PW***: as a Master i am no belt swinger but i can see your point
[2008/10/21 7:16] ***KC***: lol
[2008/10/21 7:16] ***PW***: and yes strip now - lol
[2008/10/21 7:16] ***IM*** laughs
[2008/10/21 7:16] ***RJ*** blushes
[2008/10/21 7:16] ***KC*** giggles
[2008/10/21 7:17] Pirate Russell: Go sit in HoV, or ANY D/s sim or club, and you'll see it all day long
[2008/10/21 7:17] ***PW***: smiles
[2008/10/21 7:17] ***PW***: thats why i tend not to spend too much time in places similar to the House
[2008/10/21 7:18] Pirate Russell: Now I'm not above the occasional One-Dungeon-Stand, but that is negotiated at the begining, that this is just a play, not setting up for a relationship
[2008/10/21 7:18] ***RJ***: for good places, it's about the people there more than anything else ;)
[2008/10/21 7:18] ***RJ***: the one knight stand? ;)
[2008/10/21 7:18] ***PW***: yeah - ill give you that
[2008/10/21 7:18] Pirate Russell looks down... well, not really, but..... he he
[2008/10/21 7:18] ***PW***: the people that is
[2008/10/21 7:20] Pirate Russell: Any relationship SHOULD be negotiated at the begining, RL or SL... what you want, what they want.... what you'll do, or won't.... etc. D/s RELATIONSHIPS are no different, but maybe more important, as there's the possibility of physical pain involved too
[2008/10/21 7:20] Suma Janus: I have to leave - sub in distress :-) ... I will check the blog - bye all
[2008/10/21 7:20] ***PW***: bye
[2008/10/21 7:20] ***XD***: bye Suma
[2008/10/21 7:20] ***RJ***: take care!
[2008/10/21 7:20] Pirate Russell: By Suma, GL!
[2008/10/21 7:21] ***PW***: and like a normal relationship its a two way growth process as you described Pirate
[2008/10/21 7:21] Pirate Russell: ~~Sorry, but GOOD song in the feed, for this topic! LOL
[2008/10/21 7:21] ***RJ***: giggles - just turned it on myself, and was thinking the same thing
[2008/10/21 7:21] Pirate Russell: Sad song, but goooood communication!
[2008/10/21 7:21] ***PW***: lol - i am in work and cant play it
[2008/10/21 7:21] ***RJ***: (and singing along)
[2008/10/21 7:22] Pirate Russell is too! LOL
[2008/10/21 7:22] Pirate Russell: Anyway..... he he
[2008/10/21 7:22] ***RJ***: meatloaf - two out of three aint bad
[2008/10/21 7:22] ***PW***: lol
[2008/10/21 7:22] ***PW***: anyway
[2008/10/21 7:23] ***PW***: whats a sub stance
[2008/10/21 7:23] Pirate Russell: Anyway, I really want to IMPRESS on submissives especially, that y'all ARE ALLOWED TO BE HAPPY AND HAVE FUN!
[2008/10/21 7:23] Pirate Russell: ***IM*** stand, I'll show ***PW*** what a sub stance is!
[2008/10/21 7:23] Pirate Russell: imnaduw
[2008/10/21 7:23] ***PW***: lol
[2008/10/21 7:23] ***RJ*** giggles
[2008/10/21 7:24] Pirate Russell: That's a sub stance
[2008/10/21 7:24] ***RJ***: ad here i was expecting Open ;)
[2008/10/21 7:24] ***PW***: yeah - i see now
[2008/10/21 7:24] Pirate Russell: ry stand
[2008/10/21 7:24] ***IM*** giggles @ ***RJ***
[2008/10/21 7:24] Pirate Russell: ryopen
[2008/10/21 7:24] Pirate Russell: ask and you shall receive
[2008/10/21 7:24] ***XD***: lol
[2008/10/21 7:24] ***IM***: girl saw that on a mile away, Sis.
[2008/10/21 7:24] ***PW*** smiles
[2008/10/21 7:24] Pirate Russell: girl and ry may sit
[2008/10/21 7:25] ***IM***: Thank You.
[2008/10/21 7:25] ***PW***: yes thank you
[2008/10/21 7:25] Pirate Russell: I TRY not to inject too much D/s into class, it tends to shut down the communication
[2008/10/21 7:25] ***PW***: Really
[2008/10/21 7:25] ***PW***: i can see why :)
[2008/10/21 7:26] ***IM*** giggles
[2008/10/21 7:26] Pirate Russell: immute
[2008/10/21 7:26] Pirate Russell: he he
[2008/10/21 7:26] ***RJ***: some people don't like to speak up anyways - and if the feel they're interrupting something too ;)
[2008/10/21 7:26] Pirate Russell: immute on
[2008/10/21 7:26] ***IM***'s collar: ***IM*** is now mute.
[2008/10/21 7:26] Pirate Russell: immute off
[2008/10/21 7:26] ***IM***'s collar: ***IM*** is no longer mute.
[2008/10/21 7:26] ***RJ*** giggles
[2008/10/21 7:26] ***PW*** smiles
[2008/10/21 7:26] Pirate Russell whispers: That, too. I EXPECT participation, even if only in IM
[2008/10/21 7:27] ***PW***: Pirate
[2008/10/21 7:27] Pirate Russell: Aye?
[2008/10/21 7:27] ***PW***: would you take a few steps forward so that i can see your face
[2008/10/21 7:27] ***PW***: Please
[2008/10/21 7:27] ***PW***: thank you
[2008/10/21 7:28] Pirate Russell: Sure, no worries, it's a smaller group, I like to keep an eye on everyone
[2008/10/21 7:28] ***PW*** smiles
[2008/10/21 7:28] Pirate Russell: Not TOO disappointed, I hope! LOL
[2008/10/21 7:28] ***PW***: no - delighted
[2008/10/21 7:28] ***RJ***: i can't imagine why he might be ;)
[2008/10/21 7:29] Pirate Russell: he he, meanwhile, back at the subject matter... he he
[2008/10/21 7:29] ***PW***: lol
[2008/10/21 7:30] ***RJ*** giggles
[2008/10/21 7:30] ***IM***: Oooh. girl was enjoying Pirate 101.
[2008/10/21 7:31] Pirate Russell: What's that mute command?
[2008/10/21 7:32] ***RJ***: grins
[2008/10/21 7:32] ***RJ***: i'd have to check the script for that one
[2008/10/21 7:32] Pirate Russell: ***XD***, ***SD***, y'all are awfully quiet, no questions or comments?
[2008/10/21 7:32] ***PW***: so do all the subs here feel that they have been guided along the path similar to what Pirate described
[2008/10/21 7:32] ***RJ***: ***MA*** too - feel free to speak up like we are ;)
[2008/10/21 7:32] ***MA*** smiles
[2008/10/21 7:33] Pirate Russell: EP, sorry ***MA***, I appologize for the exclusion
[2008/10/21 7:33] ***MA***: ty
[2008/10/21 7:33] ***XD***: i have a bit of an off topic question... but its a bdsm SL question
[2008/10/21 7:33] ***RJ***: yes - with the ups and downs that prove we're human ;)
[2008/10/21 7:33] Pirate Russell officially opens ALL topics
[2008/10/21 7:33] Pirate Russell: Ask away!
[2008/10/21 7:34] ***XD***: i have 2 subs want the Restraned life viewer... but i am having hard time understanding it to use it.. .is there any good websites on that
[2008/10/21 7:34] Pirate Russell: Well, I actually have 2 experts sitting right here, and own them both!
[2008/10/21 7:35] ***XD***: yay!
[2008/10/21 7:35] ***RJ***: as a dom, you don't need to know much - and i don't know of a good website telling doms how to use it, unfortunately
[2008/10/21 7:35] ***XD***: ah ok
[2008/10/21 7:35] ***PW***: Marines :http://subbieunion.wordpress.com/tutorials/restrainedlifescripts/
[2008/10/21 7:35] ***XD***: i went to the website and read the notecard.. it looks so complicated
[2008/10/21 7:35] ***RJ***: most of what happens is communication between your sub's restraints and their viewer
[2008/10/21 7:35] Pirate Russell whispers: I wish there was a good site on what the subby sees when I......
[2008/10/21 7:35] ***XD***: LOL
[2008/10/21 7:35] ***XD***: thanks ***PW***, i'll look at that site
[2008/10/21 7:35] Pirate Russell bookmarks that one, too
[2008/10/21 7:36] ***PW***: it ok - she or he has a store also with RLV scripts
[2008/10/21 7:36] ***IM***: From a user point of view it's the equipment one needs to understand. But for a technical introduction i'll get the URLs if youlike.
[2008/10/21 7:36] ***XD***: :-)
[2008/10/21 7:36] ***RJ***: same here
[2008/10/21 7:36] ***XD***: ah ok
[2008/10/21 7:36] Pirate Russell: I'm serious, like when I put blindfold them what they see, etc
[2008/10/21 7:37] ***RJ***: i suppose the main thing to know is that the viewer can restrict things like TPing, flight, chat and IM and inventory
[2008/10/21 7:37] ***PW***: the scripts can be placed into most lockable devices to malke them RLV compatable
[2008/10/21 7:37] Pirate Russell: I see huds detatched ALL The time, what huds! LOL
[2008/10/21 7:37] ***IM***: girl would be willing to demonstrate for You, Mistress.
[2008/10/21 7:37] Pirate Russell: I bet she would! LOTS of screen shots for girl to upload?
[2008/10/21 7:37] ***PW*** smiles
[2008/10/21 7:37] ***IM***: Oh, girl was going to loan You her shackles and blindfold
[2008/10/21 7:37] ***RJ***: so getting an idea of just what you're restricting is a good thing - so you don't block someone's IMs if you intended to leave then available ;)
[2008/10/21 7:38] ***RJ***: giggles
[2008/10/21 7:38] ***XD***: blocking IMs might be a bit too much
[2008/10/21 7:38] ***XD***: but i could restrain other things
[2008/10/21 7:38] Pirate Russell: Yes, IM's, speech, hearing
[2008/10/21 7:38] ***XD***: he likes to be tied to the wall when i log off
[2008/10/21 7:39] ***RJ***: that depends on the sub
[2008/10/21 7:39] ***XD***: or in a box
[2008/10/21 7:39] Pirate Russell: Inv, location, knowing who is speaking
[2008/10/21 7:39] ***XD***: lol
[2008/10/21 7:39] Pirate Russell: etc
[2008/10/21 7:39] ***XD***: yeah
[2008/10/21 7:39] ***RJ***: one of my friends i haven't been able to IM with for about 3 months now, except for one day ;)
[2008/10/21 7:39] ***XD***: wow
[2008/10/21 7:39] ***PW***: even enforced baldness and barefeet
[2008/10/21 7:40] ***PW***: thats harsh the im thing though
[2008/10/21 7:40] ***XD***: it sounds fun.. i will keep learning about it and figure it out :-)
[2008/10/21 7:40] ***MA*** looks amazed
[2008/10/21 7:40] ***PW***: can always relog in SL client
[2008/10/21 7:40] ***PW***: im
[2008/10/21 7:40] Pirate Russell: Enforced nudity, or keeping certain clothing on
[2008/10/21 7:40] ***XD***: i don't think i will restrict IMS.. communication is too important to me
[2008/10/21 7:40] ***PW***: then relog in RLV
[2008/10/21 7:40] Pirate Russell: Can restrict for everyone BUT you!
[2008/10/21 7:40] ***IM***: If one has the SL client loaded on their system seperately, that is.
[2008/10/21 7:41] ***PW***: well yes
[2008/10/21 7:41] ***PW***: but having the two apps is piss
[2008/10/21 7:41] Pirate Russell: Or if they use Cool Viewer it's just a tick of a box on the Cool Features page
[2008/10/21 7:41] ***XD***: hmmm.. so the sub needs 2 separate SL? one with RLV and one not?
[2008/10/21 7:42] ***RJ***: the 2 can be in the same folder, just use a different main executable
[2008/10/21 7:42] ***XD***: i see
[2008/10/21 7:42] Pirate Russell: or a different shortcut..
[2008/10/21 7:42] ***RJ***: and for almost anything, the RLV works as well as the LL viewer
[2008/10/21 7:43] ***IM***: Some, like the Cool Viewer work better.
[2008/10/21 7:43] ***PW***: yeah - a few friends use that
[2008/10/21 7:43] ***RJ***: the only thing i'd need the linden viewer for is if i need to work around restriction in an emergency - not a very common occurence ;)
[2008/10/21 7:43] Pirate Russell swears BY Cool Viewer, and AT the LL "viewer"
[2008/10/21 7:43] ***RJ***: same here ;)
[2008/10/21 7:43] ***XD***: lol
[2008/10/21 7:43] ***RJ***: especially if you don't have tons of system memory, the cool viewer helps
[2008/10/21 7:44] ***PW***: i have not tried it
[2008/10/21 7:44] ***XD***: ok.. i'll look for Cool Viewer as well
[2008/10/21 7:44] ***PW***: i have it on my mac
[2008/10/21 7:44] ***MA*** raises her hand
[2008/10/21 7:44] Pirate Russell: Linux AND windows, here
[2008/10/21 7:44] ***PW***: i may test it
[2008/10/21 7:44] Pirate Russell: Yes, ***MA***?
[2008/10/21 7:44] ***RJ***: http://my.opera.com/boylane/blog/ for the windows cool viewer
[2008/10/21 7:44] ***MA***: Miss Pirate, i am a very new sub
[2008/10/21 7:44] Pirate Russell: Welcome to the Lifesytle!
[2008/10/21 7:44] ***XD***: thanks ***RJ***
[2008/10/21 7:45] ***PW***: cheers
[2008/10/21 7:45] ***MA***: thank you
[2008/10/21 7:45] ***MA***: i am still learning the basics
[2008/10/21 7:45] ***MA***: i think i know how to behave with my Master
[2008/10/21 7:45] ***MA***: and am sure that He will let me know if i am wrong
[2008/10/21 7:46] Pirate Russell: I'm SURE he'll help girl with that! LOL
[2008/10/21 7:46] ***IM***: The technical description of the Restrained Life viewer is at http://wiki.secondlife.com/wiki/LSL_Protocol/RestrainedLifeAPI and information about the relay is at http://wiki.secondlife.com/wiki/LSL_Protocol/Restrained_Life_Relay_Specs. But the SL wiki seems to be down again and girl can't get to the page to make sure she typed those correctly.
[2008/10/21 7:46] ***MA***: but i am unsure how to behave in groups like this
[2008/10/21 7:46] ***MA***: the proper forms of address for example
[2008/10/21 7:46] ***XD***: thanks ***IM***!
[2008/10/21 7:46] Pirate Russell: Well, My girls, and ry, are trained to treat eveyone BETTER than they treat Me!
[2008/10/21 7:46] ***MA***: I asked Him how to address you
[2008/10/21 7:46] ***MA***: hehe
[2008/10/21 7:46] ***IM*** giggles
[2008/10/21 7:47] Pirate Russell: I am their Mistress, they're to Sir, Ma'am, Miss, etc EVERYONE else, unless corrected by another subby
[2008/10/21 7:48] Pirate Russell: er I'm the only one they're to call Mistress/no Masters...
[2008/10/21 7:48] ***RJ***: hello trinity, come on in - we're in open discussion
[2008/10/21 7:48] Pirate Russell: Yes PLEASE do!
[2008/10/21 7:48] Trinity Coulter: hi ***RJ***, thank you
[2008/10/21 7:48] ***PW***: yeah the one i have is the cool sl viewer 1.20. 15
[2008/10/21 7:48] ***PW***: i digress
[2008/10/21 7:48] Pirate Russell: Second Life 1.21.5 (0) Oct 8 2008 00:04:05 (Cool SL Viewer)
[2008/10/21 7:49] ***PW***: Sorry Miss
[2008/10/21 7:49] ***PW***: :)
[2008/10/21 7:49] ***IM***: There is a security hole in that version, Sir, you may want to upgrade that viewer.
[2008/10/21 7:49] Pirate Russell: No worries
[2008/10/21 7:49] ***RJ***: and, terms of addres for other people is always a touchy point ***MA***
[2008/10/21 7:49] ***PW***: to the link you sent
[2008/10/21 7:49] ***MA***: so Miss or Sir is correct for anyone until i know their correct title?
[2008/10/21 7:49] Pirate Russell: Yes, ***MA***, UNLESS.....
[2008/10/21 7:49] Pirate Russell: Unless your master trains you differently
[2008/10/21 7:49] ***RJ***: just be respectful and follow any instructions your master gives, and you shouldn't offend too many people
[2008/10/21 7:50] ***MA*** nods
[2008/10/21 7:50] ***MA***: thank you all
[2008/10/21 7:50] ***PW***: if polite ***MA*** i would be happy what you said - and correct you if appropriate
[2008/10/21 7:50] ***RJ***: there will always be someone who gets insulted that you didn't call her "oh ultimate goddess mistress"
[2008/10/21 7:50] ***PW***: your right Pirate
[2008/10/21 7:51] Pirate Russell: EEP, did I leave the "Ultimate Goddess Mistress" tag on AGAIN?!
[2008/10/21 7:51] ***RJ*** giggles
[2008/10/21 7:51] ***IM***: hehe
[2008/10/21 7:51] ***RJ***: if you have that - or want to be called that - i don't know about it ;)
[2008/10/21 7:52] ***RJ***: and people who do want florid ttles like that usually lose some of my respect right away
[2008/10/21 7:53] ***RJ***: to clarify how i deal with people - with respect until proven not worthy of respect ;)
[2008/10/21 7:53] ***PW***: yes - i agree
[2008/10/21 7:53] Pirate Russell: And still politely after that, I would hope!
[2008/10/21 7:54] ***IM***: Or with respect until girl can get away.
[2008/10/21 7:54] Pirate Russell: Since you're a new subby, ***MA***, let Me tell you 2 secrets of Online BDSM
[2008/10/21 7:55] Pirate Russell: 1st, just because I'm a Dominant, I'm not YOUR dominant
[2008/10/21 7:55] ***MA*** listens intently
[2008/10/21 7:55] ***MA*** msiles
[2008/10/21 7:55] Pirate Russell: 2nd) you have ALL the power. You can take off the collar, mute your master, ban him from your parcel, and there's nothing he can do about it
[2008/10/21 7:56] ***MA***: oh my!
[2008/10/21 7:56] ***PW*** smiles
[2008/10/21 7:56] ***RJ***: but, the thrill usually is in giving up that power ;)
[2008/10/21 7:56] ***IM*** nods.
[2008/10/21 7:56] ***MA*** nods and smiles!
[2008/10/21 7:56] Pirate Russell: Yes, I do a class on that, maybe in a couple of weeks, I have PLANNED next week's class.. he he
[2008/10/21 7:57] ***PW***: what is that ?
[2008/10/21 7:57] ***IM***: The sub gives the gift and the Dom/me receives it. And it is a gift that can be taken back, espically here in SL.
[2008/10/21 7:57] ***PW***: it does work the other way also
[2008/10/21 7:57] Pirate Russell: Not just here in SL, ***IM***, in WoW, SOL... he he
[2008/10/21 7:58] ***IM***: Although if you do you tend to get a lot of nasty messages sent via thrid parties.
[2008/10/21 7:59] Steel Shackle 1.14 (r forearm) whispers: ***KC*** gathers what's left of her energy to fight her Steel Shackle 1.14 (r forearm) some more...
[2008/10/21 8:00] ***PW***: Well beautiful people i have to go - PCR reactions are needed
[2008/10/21 8:00] ***MA***: well, it took me some time to get Him to catch me. So i'm not going anywhere
[2008/10/21 8:00] ***IM***: PCR, Oh! *giggle*
[2008/10/21 8:00] ***PW***: its been nice to spend some time with you
[2008/10/21 8:00] Pirate Russell: Ok, thanks for coming ***PW***?
[2008/10/21 8:00] ***PW***: thank you Pirate
[2008/10/21 8:01] ***IM***: bye Sir ***PW***
[2008/10/21 8:01] ***PW***: take care
[2008/10/21 8:01] ***KC***: goodbye Sir
[2008/10/21 8:01] Pirate Russell: I KEEP asking for stairs!
[2008/10/21 8:01] ***PW***: hmmm to escaper
[2008/10/21 8:01] ***XD***: yeah we need stairs haha
[2008/10/21 8:01] Pirate Russell: I've asked Vv and AllyA for them... he he
[2008/10/21 8:03] Pirate Russell: What else ***MA***
[2008/10/21 8:03] ***MA***: that is a good question Miss Pirate
[2008/10/21 8:04] Pirate Russell: he he
[2008/10/21 8:04] ***MA***: it is a bit overwhelming
[2008/10/21 8:04] Pirate Russell: Much easier to ask, than for girl to answer!
[2008/10/21 8:04] ***MA*** smiles, Exactly
[2008/10/21 8:05] ***MA***: i don't even know what to ask at this point
[2008/10/21 8:05] ***MA***: i have been collared 3 days now
[2008/10/21 8:05] ***IM***: Miss Pirate does repeat Her classes on Friday at 1:00 SLT so it's a good time to come back after some of this digests.
[2008/10/21 8:05] Pirate Russell: I'll tell ya what, IM Me ANYtime, and if your master wants to spring for lessons, I'll give y'all a deal, it's usually 1250 an hr for 4 hrs, I'll come down to 1k an hr, and no minimum
[2008/10/21 8:05] Pirate Russell: That, too!
[2008/10/21 8:06] ***MA***: hehe
[2008/10/21 8:06] Pirate Russell: THANKS, girl, cutting My action?!?!
[2008/10/21 8:06] ***MA***: thank You Miss Pirate
[2008/10/21 8:07] ***SD***: Thank you Miss Pirate once again for a great discussion.
[2008/10/21 8:08] ***XD***: i need to go.. thanks for all the good information and advice and websites.. i appreciate it
[2008/10/21 8:08] Pirate Russell: Sure thing ***XD***, like ***IM*** said, Friday 1p
[2008/10/21 8:08] ***XD***: ok
[2008/10/21 8:08] ***IM***: and don't forget the transcripst on collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2008/10/21 8:08] ***XD***: yes i wrote all the websites down
[2008/10/21 8:09] ***XD***: :-)
[2008/10/21 8:09] ***XD***: thanks
[2008/10/21 8:09] Pirate Russell: Yep http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2008/10/21 8:09] ***RJ***: good luck with your sub's RLV ;)
[2008/10/21 8:09] ***XD***: thanks!
[2008/10/21 8:09] ***RJ***: luckily so far there's been no need for the dom life viewer ;)
[2008/10/21 8:09] ***IM*** giggles
[2008/10/21 8:10] ***XD***: i just need to figure out how if i need an older version of SL.. and how to do the commands
[2008/10/21 8:11] ***RJ***: the commands are sent by the items, if they are RLV supporting
[2008/10/21 8:11] ***XD***: oh i see
[2008/10/21 8:11] ***RJ***: which items are you planning to use?
[2008/10/21 8:11] ***XD***: one has cuffs .. but i was unable to access the menu.. nothing happened
[2008/10/21 8:11] ***RJ***: and - the sub will need to make sure their RLV version is the same as what their SL install is
[2008/10/21 8:12] ***XD***: we need to but more of the RLV items
[2008/10/21 8:12] ***XD***: yes
[2008/10/21 8:12] ***RJ***: but that's usually made pretty clear
[2008/10/21 8:12] ***XD***: oh ok
[2008/10/21 8:12] ***RJ***: a lot of items are RLV supporting out of the box
[2008/10/21 8:12] ***XD***: i bet thats the problem
[2008/10/21 8:12] ***XD***: i will ask
[2008/10/21 8:12] ***RJ***: or tere's a menu item in others to activate RLV support
[2008/10/21 8:13] ***RJ***: the wrong RLV version shouldn't make cuffs unresponsive though
[2008/10/21 8:13] ***XD***: hmmm
[2008/10/21 8:13] ***XD***: i clicked andd nothing happened, i got no menu
[2008/10/21 8:13] ***RJ***: i might look at other causes - like no script zone?
[2008/10/21 8:14] ***XD***: oh one signed on
[2008/10/21 8:14] ***RJ***: if it is RealRestraint cuffs, they only can be touched from within a 3M range
[2008/10/21 8:14] ***XD***: my sub friend
[2008/10/21 8:14] ***RJ***: so sometimes be sure youre right next to them if there's problems
[2008/10/21 8:14] ***XD***: i bet he has wrong version.. he got cuffs from a friend and doesn't know anything about them
[2008/10/21 8:14] Pirate Russell: Or someone else holds the 'keys' to them
[2008/10/21 8:14] ***XD***: hmmmmm
[2008/10/21 8:14] ***RJ***: also a possibility
[2008/10/21 8:15] ***XD***: thats a possibility yes!!
[2008/10/21 8:15] ***XD***: lol
[2008/10/21 8:15] ***RJ***: which brand of cuffs are they?
[2008/10/21 8:15] ***XD***: we are both learning it
[2008/10/21 8:15] ***XD***: gosh i don't remember now
[2008/10/21 8:15] ***RJ***: smiles
[2008/10/21 8:16] ***XD***: but at least we are learning together :-)
[2008/10/21 8:16] ***XD***: well ok.. i need to go
[2008/10/21 8:17] ***RJ***: have fun ;)
[2008/10/21 8:17] ***XD***: i'll see you all later
[2008/10/21 8:17] ***XD***: :-)
[2008/10/21 8:17] ***KC*** smiles at ***XD*** since that is what Mistress and girl are doing
[2008/10/21 8:17] ***MA***: thank You all so much
[2008/10/21 8:17] ***XD***: hehe
[2008/10/21 8:17] Pirate Russell: Ok, ***XD***, thanks for coming, ***MA***, too!
[2008/10/21 8:17] ***RJ***: no problem ***MA*** - glad to see you ;)
[2008/10/21 8:18] ***MA*** smiles
[2008/10/21 8:18] ***MA***: my Master is in the club, i'm going to join Him.
[2008/10/21 8:18] ***KC***: Miss Pirate girl has to go now. there is a bed calling girl's name.
[2008/10/21 8:18] ***MA***: see you soon i hope
[2008/10/21 8:18] ***IM***: Good luck and best wishes, Bagnolia.
[2008/10/21 8:18] ***KC***: it was a great discussion
[2008/10/21 8:18] ***IM***: er Magnoila
[2008/10/21 8:18] Pirate Russell: Ok, ***KC***, and My regards to girl's master, ***MA***
[2008/10/21 8:18] ***MA***: hehe
[2008/10/21 8:19] ***MA***: thank you Miss Pirate
[2008/10/21 8:19] Pirate Russell: !hug ***KC***
[2008/10/21 8:19] HelloMultiTool-v7 (hug/kiss/goto/etc): You have offered to hug ***KC***.
[2008/10/21 8:19] ***MA***: Please all, call me ***MA***
[2008/10/21 8:19] Pirate Russell: I'll do it
[2008/10/21 8:19] Pirate gives ***KC*** a big hug.
[2008/10/21 8:19] ***KC***: that 's very cute Miss
[2008/10/21 8:19] Pirate Russell: Sleep well, little one
[2008/10/21 8:20] ***IM***: Bye ***MA*** :-)
[2008/10/21 8:20] ***KC***: thank You Miss
[2008/10/21 8:20] ***KC***: ok good bye all
[2008/10/21 8:20] Pirate Russell: ni ni
[2008/10/21 8:21] Teleport completed from http://slurl.com/secondlife/Chained%20lust/166/71/47
[2008/10/21 8:21] Skybox Radar: ***IM*** Arrived at your parcel, HoV Gold, on 2008-10-21 at 8:21 SLT
[2008/10/21 8:21] Skybox Radar: Pirate Russell Arrived at your parcel, HoV Gold, on 2008-10-21 at 8:21 SLT
[2008/10/21 8:21] Skybox Radar: ***RJ*** Arrived at your parcel, HoV Gold, on 2008-10-21 at 8:21 SLT
[2008/10/21 8:21] Pirate Russell: MUCH better song! he he