Ho Ho Hos, slutty submissives - 12/25/08

[0:45] Zealot Benmergui: ok, first of all, Merry Christmas, or whatever you may be celebrating
[0:45] Zealot Benmergui: Welcome A/all to the House of V’s College of Kink. My name is Zealot Benmergui, Baron BardHaven and I will be your host today. Some of you may know me from lecturing here at House of V and other locations around the grid. Others of you may know me from my recent job as Guest Santa and Horsey Toy at the Christmas party at St. Agatha’s Home for Unwed Mothers Who Haven’t Learned Their Damn Lesson.
[0:45] ***LM***: happy Xmass A/all
[0:45] ***MM***: /smiles
[0:45] ***MM***: and Happy Hanukkah
[0:46] Zealot Benmergui: The topic for today is "Ho Ho Hos, slutty submissives”. Today we will look at the term and concept behind Slut. Please note that for the purpose of clarity, I will tend to use “she” to refer to a submissive and “he” to refer to a Dominant, but either can be of any gender. Your humble lecturer WILL accept tips, but they must be paid to me directly, if you are so inclined, thank you.
[0:46] Zealot Benmergui: The word Slut is something on an enigma...in the mainstream there are few more concussive insults for a woman, but ion the D/s or fetish community, few words of high praise.
[0:47] Zealot Benmergui: This is all the more curious when one looks at the entymology and history of the word
[0:47] Zealot Benmergui: The word was originally Middle English, first seen in around 1400, as slutte
[0:48] Zealot Benmergui: which meant a dirty, untidy, or slovenly woman
[0:48] Zealot Benmergui: no sex involved
[0:48] Zealot Benmergui: it was used by Chaucer, as sluttish, but then was used to describe a slovenly man
[0:48] Zealot Benmergui: however, almost all later usages were for women
[0:49] Zealot Benmergui: some good examples of the usage can be found in Samuel Pepys famous diary, written in the 1660s. He describes a favorite serving girl as an admirable slut" who "pleases us mightily, doing more service than both the others and deserves wages better
[0:49] ***RV***: mmm services
[0:50] Zealot Benmergui: well sure
[0:50] Zealot Benmergui: noi definition of what he meant by services
[0:50] ***RV***: lol
[0:51] Zealot Benmergui: from Middle English it leapt into all the main languages that were similar, such as German, Dutch and Swedish...usually as slutte or slute, meaing a dirty or messy woman
[0:51] Zealot Benmergui: in Yiddish, is got a new twist, becoming akhsluttishkha. meaning an old hag
[0:52] Zealot Benmergui: SOme linguists also feel that the word Slut in German originally meant a mud puddle...but I am not sold on that one
[0:52] Zealot Benmergui: Even as late as the mid 1800s, no sex was invoved in being a slut.
[0:53] Zealot Benmergui: in fact, there was a scandal in London in the 1860s about messy streets, demanding that the city pay cleaners to "rake out the sluts-holes"
[0:53] Zealot Benmergui: theses days, the cleaners would pay the city for 45 minutes of raking
[0:54] Zealot Benmergui: by the early 1900s, the term slut has switched tomean a promiscuous, not dirty woman
[0:54] Zealot Benmergui: you could still be a dirty slut, but it was not required
[0:54] Zealot Benmergui: some sluts are quite clean
[0:54] ***MM*** laughs
[0:54] ***RV***: lol
[0:55] ***SS***: There is still use of the term slut to this day as describing a Dirty woman.
[0:55] ***SS***: new England area, Maine especially
[0:55] Zealot Benmergui: However, by the 1960s there was already a movement to reclain the words...in a famolus newspaper piece in 1963, Katherine Graham invoke a massive response by writing...Have you ever taken anything out of the dirty-clothes basket because it had become, relatively, the cleaner thing? Changed stockings in a taxi? Could you try on clothes in any shop, any time, without worrying about your underclothes? How many things are in the wrong room—cups in the study, boots in the kitchen? ... [this makes] you one of us: the miserable, optimistic, misunderstood race of sluts."
[0:56] Zealot Benmergui: nods..there are always old usages floating around, Sri
[0:56] Zealot Benmergui: by the 1970s and 80s, there was now a desire to turn the word slut into a mark of pride, indicating a woman who was sex positive, with no hang ups about her sexuality
[0:57] Zealot Benmergui: until we have found ourselves here, with the term slut being a term of affection and praise in BDSM circles...but we often don;t know exactly what it means...
[0:57] Zealot Benmergui: on the surface, it means promiscuous...but what else does it mean to all of you?
[0:57] ***MM***: not repressed about sexuality
[0:58] Zealot Benmergui: nods...certainly
[0:58] ***SS***: Someone who enjoy sex
[0:58] ***DK***: hot / fun/ naughty
[0:58] Zealot Benmergui: absolutely...there is a sense of joy in the way we use slut now
[0:58] Zealot Benmergui: also a certain sense of humor
[0:59] Zealot Benmergui: we have the underlaying knowledge that an outsider would be shocked to hear it used that way
[0:59] Zealot Benmergui: most people's mothers would be shocked and horrified to see you happy to be called a slut...
[0:59] Zealot Benmergui: I knowmine was
[0:59] ***RV***: lmao
[0:59] ***MM*** smiles
[0:59] Zealot Benmergui: especially since it was father doing the talking
[1:00] Andreas Kleene: HAWT
[1:00] ***SS***: I know some people see slut like they see stud.
[1:00] Zealot Benmergui: A..you bitch, alimony is late again you bum
[1:00] Zealot Benmergui: your children wil starve
[1:00] ***MM*** laughs
[1:01] Zealot Benmergui: hmm..are stud and slut synonomous?
[1:01] Zealot Benmergui: Stud for me is always a somewhat mocking term, like something used in an old spice ad, right before the sailor hucks the bottle at somebody
[1:01] ***MM***: rofl
[1:01] Andreas Kleene: Ill pay you with tips Z, sorry for being late
[1:01] Zealot Benmergui: I forgive you honey
[1:02] ***MM*** moans
[1:02] Zealot Benmergui kisses A lightly...Ï'm sorry I was grumpy velvetbutt, I hate the holidays"
[1:02] Zealot Benmergui: kisskiss
[1:02] ***RV*** giggles
[1:02] ***MM*** moans louder
[1:02] Zealot Benmergui: SO what is the feeling, is a stud a fenmale slut?
[1:02] Zealot Benmergui: *male
[1:03] ***MM***: no
[1:03] ***MM***: but maybe in the vanilla sense it means that
[1:03] Zealot Benmergui: gentlemen, would you be happy to be called a stud?
[1:03] ***PM***: Stud, yes. ManWhore, not-so-much
[1:04] ***DA***: In the vanilla sense it doesn't mean that. Stud associates with conquest. Slut, vanilla, is indiscriminate
[1:04] Zealot Benmergui: well, lets rephrase that..ladies, would you be happy to have the man you are with called a stud?
[1:04] ***RV***: not me
[1:04] ***DK***: nope
[1:04] ***MM*** shurgs
[1:04] Zealot Benmergui: true Mr. Muggins..Stud suggests a certain skill..manwhore indicates you will fuck anything
[1:04] ***MM***: slut and whore seem to be interchangable amongst my very vanilla friends
[1:05] ***SS***: Sure, because they aren't getting sex from me anyways :P
[1:05] Zealot Benmergui: nods...I agree Mali, but slut is a bit more active then whore
[1:05] ***DA***: I agree with ***MM*** but then a whore gets paid
[1:05] Zealot Benmergui: a whore will fuck anyone, a slut goes out and finds anyone, then fucks them
[1:05] ***VS*** mm, it seems kind of, '70s
[1:05] ***DK***: not just anyone
[1:05] ***MM***: well correct me if I'm wrong here Master, but we are talking about the slang usage not the dictionary correct?
[1:05] ***DA***: A whore gets paid, a slut goes home with whoever is still in the bar at 3am (vanilla)
[1:05] Zealot Benmergui: correct
[1:06] ***MM***: I'm quite sure it varies based on where you are
[1:06] Zealot Benmergui: and yes, we are discussing the vanilla view of it for a moment
[1:06] ***MM***: in Omaha a woman that swallows is a whore....*laughs*
[1:06] ***DK***: lol
[1:06] ***RV***: mmmm swallows
[1:07] ***OB***: packs bags for Omaha...
[1:07] ***SS***: I thought a woman who swallows in omaha was $50
[1:07] Zealot Benmergui: so if a slut to the mainstream is a promiscuous woman, possibly dirty, sexually loose....
[1:07] Zealot Benmergui: and to the fetish community is a woman who enjoys sex and does not have issues about her sexuality....
[1:07] ***LM***: then me is a Wwhore
[1:07] ***LM***: :-P
[1:08] Zealot Benmergui: what does this disconnect tells us abotu the ways that the mainstream and fetish words differ about sex and the role of women therein?
[1:08] ***SS***: vanillas are closed off and repressed, unable to free their inner slut?
[1:08] ***MM***: well....
[1:08] ***MM***: to an extent...there's always a double standard
[1:09] ***VS*** mmm, not really
[1:09] ***MM***: even vanilla guys want to fuck the "slut"...although they may criticise her
[1:09] Zealot Benmergui: I have known lots of vanilla women who would kick my ass if I called them a slut, but who were certainly not repressed in the bedroom...
[1:09] ***VS*** exactly
[1:10] ***OB***: zealot...call them a slut in the bedroom...and a lady in public..less asskicking then
[1:10] Zealot Benmergui: absolutely Mali, look at HS...the class slut was mocked and pointed at...but all the boys still wanted her
[1:10] Andreas Kleene is Offline
[1:10] Zealot Benmergui writes that down..See I had it reversed
[1:10] ***MM***: so it's not OPENLY a cherished attribute...but cherished nonetheless
[1:10] Zealot Benmergui: passes the pad to Mali...Keep this for me, slut
[1:10] ***MM*** smiles
[1:10] ***MM***: yes Master
[1:11] Zealot Benmergui: cherished is a difficult concept..often the boys wanted to fuck her, but still thought as little of her as the other girls...
[1:11] ***MM***: true
[1:12] Zealot Benmergui: I think that is the most important change in our use of the word slut
[1:12] ***MM***: but I'm not sure that's not also true of many in the d/s community as well Master
[1:12] Zealot Benmergui: in that it has become a term of self esteem, and acceptance of something with ideally, they should accept as their birthright
[1:12] Zealot Benmergui: to revel in the way the express their sexuality
[1:12] ***OB***: isnt that the perfect vanilla woman..slut whore in the bedroom....but prim and proper outside,,
[1:12] ***FG***: lol
[1:13] Zealot Benmergui: damn...reversed it again
[1:13] ***OB***: and in a more real relationship...the slut is a slut at all times
[1:13] ***MM***: heh to me you're describing what the average common lifestyler expects
[1:13] ***OB***: true,,
[1:13] ***TS***: Welcome back Sir!
[1:14] Zealot Benmergui: well lets back up then again
[1:14] Zealot Benmergui: is being a slut a description of action, or a state of mind?
[1:14] Zealot Benmergui: can you be a virginal slut?
[1:14] ***RV***: yes
[1:14] ***MM***: both or either
[1:14] ***VS*** absolutely
[1:14] ***OB***: oh yes...
[1:14] ***RV***: state of mind, imo
[1:14] ***VS*** but -- it will not stay that way too long
[1:15] ***OB***: state of mind...not a state of vag
[1:15] ***MM***: wb A
[1:15] ***OB***: look at the puroty crowd..
[1:16] ***OB***: assfucking instead to stay a virgin..lol
[1:16] Zealot Benmergui is Offline
[1:16] ***OB***: thats pretty crazy.....
[1:16] ***RV***: oops, Z crashed
[1:16] ***MM*** raises an eyebrow
[1:17] ***MM*** is Offline
[1:18] ***MM*** is Online
[1:18] ***OB***: laughs...i was enjoying todays subject,,,,to slut or not to slut that is the question..lol
[1:18] ***RV***: wb Mali
[1:18] ***MM***: ty wife
[1:19] ***MM***: A can you rebake please?
[1:19] ***RV***: wb Z
[1:19] ***LM***: welcome back Z Sir
[1:20] ***MM***: wb Master
[1:20] Zealot Benmergui: ouch
[1:20] Zealot Benmergui: which one of you sluts crashed me?
[1:21] ***MM*** points at Rowan
[1:21] ***RV*** points at Andreas
[1:21] ***RV***: rofl
[1:21] ***LM***: maybe it was this girls lollipop Sir?
[1:21] Zealot Benmergui: that's it, all three of you get spankies tonight
[1:21] Zealot Benmergui: and the lollipop too
[1:21] ***MM*** claps gleefully
[1:21] Zealot Benmergui: nonw then..I had asked if one could be a virginal slut
[1:21] ***LM***: yummy
[1:21] ***RV***: yay~
[1:22] ***RV***: and we agreed that one could
[1:22] Zealot Benmergui: ok...how?
[1:22] ***RV***: well, imo it's a state of mind and not a reflection of action
[1:23] Zealot Benmergui: nods...in the fetish definition I completely agree
[1:23] Zealot Benmergui: for the mainstream, vatican 2 absolved women who just think about sex a lot from being sluts
[1:23] ***DA***: Thank God for that
[1:24] Zealot Benmergui: no, that Paul XVI actually
[1:24] Zealot Benmergui: but hey, it events out
[1:24] Zealot Benmergui: *evens
[1:24] Zealot Benmergui: I need to do a lecture on Fun with Popes sometime
[1:24] Zealot Benmergui: anyway, going on
[1:25] ***rB***: lol
[1:25] Zealot Benmergui: I think this deviation of meaning really stresses the different ways that mainstream and fetish view the term
[1:25] ***LM***: what if one is a furry and thinks about sex all the time and does it a lot? :-P
[1:25] Zealot Benmergui: to the mainstream, a slut requires action...grab that cock and slut it up
[1:25] ***MM***: mmm cock
[1:26] ***RV***: mmm cock
[1:26] Zealot Benmergui: then you're in heat Miss ***LM***, totally different
[1:26] Zealot Benmergui: to the fetish community, being a slut is a state of mind, a way of thinking of yourself and yoru sexuality, without boundaries
[1:26] ***LM*** giggles
[1:27] Zealot Benmergui: I also feel that is why in the fetish community slut is viewed as a possitive, affectionate term
[1:27] Zealot Benmergui: another question...to those of us in the lifestyle...would you call a woman you do not know or are not comfortable with a slut?
[1:27] ***rB***: like can u call them as my dear slut in the fetish community
[1:27] ***RV***: i wouldn't
[1:28] Zealot Benmergui: absolutely Mr. ***rB***
[1:28] ***RV***: but i use it as a pet name ... i wouldn
[1:28] ***LM***: i call them sister
[1:28] ***RV***: *wouldn't call someone dear or honey or sweetheart if i wasn't comfortable with them either
[1:28] Zealot Benmergui: exactly Ro
[1:28] ***VS*** it's probably wise not to, until you know what *they mean by it
[1:28] ***rB***: out of anger a women who does not come with u but goes with other guys is often called a slut by that left out guy
[1:29] Zealot Benmergui: in the community, slut in a somewhat intimate term...it requires a connection in many cases
[1:29] ***MM***: there's still a double standard in the community though Master
[1:29] Zealot Benmergui: that Mr. ***rB*** is mainly reverting to mainstream usage
[1:29] ***rB***: yup
[1:29] Zealot Benmergui: explain what you mean, love?
[1:30] ***rB***: me?
[1:30] ***RV*** giggles
[1:30] Zealot Benmergui: no, I would call you snookums
[1:30] ***MM***: I mean that same vanilla double standard of looking negatively at women who are sexually open still exists in the lifestyle, it may not be as noticable
[1:30] ***rB***: lol
[1:30] Zealot Benmergui: nods...yes, it does exist, but the bar is set much higher
[1:31] Zealot Benmergui: in the mainstream, a woman who fucks two men in one week, or two men at once is often called a slut
[1:31] ***RV***: (brb)
[1:31] Zealot Benmergui: in the mainstream, it requires more like 2 in an hour, and the two men at once have to be brothers
[1:31] ***MM*** laughs
[1:31] Zealot Benmergui: in the fetish coimmunity, that is
[1:32] ***LM***: what if one is a gril and one is a man? :-P
[1:32] Zealot Benmergui: and even then in the mainstream it is said almost jealously
[1:32] Zealot Benmergui: mmm grils
[1:32] Zealot Benmergui: that's ok then Miss ***LM***
[1:33] Zealot Benmergui: but you are right Mali, there is still a double standard
[1:33] Zealot Benmergui: and as Mr/ ***rB*** said, slut is often used as a way to strike out at someone who overlooked you
[1:33] ***MM***: but I think it's really part of the whole dogmatic definition driven ridgidness that permeates the d/s community
[1:33] Zealot Benmergui: nods
[1:33] Zealot Benmergui: there is a strong desire to label everyone
[1:34] Zealot Benmergui: Hi, my name is Dan and I am a Dominant Hetero who prefers penetration and light bondage with occasional anal and suspension. Drink?
[1:35] ***MM*** laughs
[1:35] ***rB***: lol
[1:35] ***LM*** puts up hand
[1:35] Zealot Benmergui: yes Miss ***LM***
[1:35] ***LM***: me
[1:35] ***LM***: lol
[1:36] ***rB***: lol miss ***LM*** wants that drink i guess...lol
[1:36] Zealot Benmergui: Everytime I say that I have to fight down an urge to aske you if Mohammad came
[1:36] ***LM***: lol
[1:36] Zealot Benmergui: So we have talked alot of about the term slut...but what about men?
[1:36] ***LM*** puts hand over hir mouth
[1:36] Zealot Benmergui: is there an equivilant term for men?
[1:37] ***LM***: jigalow
[1:37] ***MM*** laughs
[1:37] ***MM***: asshole?
[1:37] ***VS*** Rake
[1:37] ***rB***: a jiggolo
[1:37] Zealot Benmergui: ooo..I like Rake
[1:37] ***VS*** smiles
[1:37] ***SS***: slobber monster
[1:37] Zealot Benmergui: Swain is also nice
[1:37] ***VS*** yumm
[1:37] Zealot Benmergui: Cad or Bounder if you are a bit irresponsible concerning women
[1:38] ***MM***: sl seems to use manwhore alot
[1:38] Zealot Benmergui: Lothario perhaps
[1:38] ***RV***: personally i don't think slut necessarily denotes a woman
[1:38] ***RV***: i'd use it for a man, and often do
[1:38] Zealot Benmergui: It is common Mali, but also utterly derogative, or at best dismissive
[1:39] Zealot Benmergui: well, as you can see in my profile, I embrace the term slut for myself
[1:39] Zealot Benmergui: so I do feel it does double duty, but with men the meaning is a bit different
[1:40] Zealot Benmergui: mostly because we so associate it with women
[1:40] ***rB***: whats it with men?
[1:41] Zealot Benmergui: with men it take on an sort of playful quality
[1:41] Zealot Benmergui: as if it is always said a bit tongue in cheek
[1:42] ***RV***: i think with men in the lifestyle, the difference is that there is basically no negative connotation
[1:42] Zealot Benmergui: nodes
[1:42] Zealot Benmergui: men are expected to be sluts
[1:43] ***rB***: all men are dogs they say
[1:43] Zealot Benmergui: that is also why I feel there is little cause for male escorts in SL...a woman wants casual sex, she walks into any club and says "I want casual sex"
[1:43] ***RV***: hehe
[1:43] ***TS***: Sorry for interupting Sir Zealot, but RL calls. Thank You for the class and Merry Christmas!
[1:43] Zealot Benmergui: and to you Miss ***TS***..always nice to see you
[1:44] Zealot Benmergui: and with that we are rounding up the discussion at any rate
[1:44] ***LM***: happy Xmass
[1:44] ***TS*** smiles and waves
[1:44] ***rB***: happy xmas to everyone
[1:44] Zealot Benmergui: please remember I do accept tips paid directly to me, and that way you an do your part in helping me feed the three prim babies Andreas lumbered me with
[1:45] Zealot Benmergui: next lecture will be MOnday at 7 AM SLT, on the topic of Submissives and Self-Punishment

The Responsibility of Dominance - 12/23/08

[2008/12/23 7:11] Pirate Russell: Pplease take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[2008/12/23 7:11] Pirate Russell: My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor.
[2008/12/23 7:11] Pirate Russell: I have been in SL for 3 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[2008/12/23 7:11] Pirate Russell: Blah blah blah
[2008/12/23 7:11] Pirate Russell: O/our topic today: The Responsibility of Dominance
[2008/12/23 7:11] ***IM*** giggles
[2008/12/23 7:12] Pirate Russell: Well, at one time or another I've owned half the class, and have access to katie when I want her
[2008/12/23 7:12] Pirate Russell: LOL
[2008/12/23 7:12] Pirate Russell: I would like to preface this with My usual, EVERY releationship is as different as those that are in it.
[2008/12/23 7:12] Pirate Russell: Dominants have responsibilities and, yes rules, too!
[2008/12/23 7:12] ***KB***: hmmmm
[2008/12/23 7:12] Pirate Russell: The Highest Honour That A Dominant Could Ever Achieve Is The State Of Honour Itself. To Be Completely Respected And Trusted.
[2008/12/23 7:12] Pirate Russell: There Are Some Definite Guidelines About Being A Dominant. With The Ever Growing Population Of "Chatrooms" There Appears To Be A Lot Of Confusion About The Dominants Role In The "Online" Lifestyle.
[2008/12/23 7:12] Pirate Russell: The Foundation Of The Dominant Are Based On 3 Lil Words:
[2008/12/23 7:12] Pirate Russell: Trust
[2008/12/23 7:13] Pirate Russell: Honour
[2008/12/23 7:13] Pirate Russell: Respect
[2008/12/23 7:13] Pirate Russell: Each Dominant Should Be Able To Display Chararistics Of These Words, Both "Online" As Well As Offline.
[2008/12/23 7:13] Pirate Russell: The Power Exchange Is About Trust Can You Trust Someone Who Dismisses Your Feelings Even In An "Online" Relationship.
[2008/12/23 7:13] Pirate Russell: Playing In Other Chats Or Instant Messengers, Secretly Accepting Other "submissives" All The While He Is Claiming He Is "Trustworthy"?
[2008/12/23 7:13] Pirate Russell: Is It Acceptable For A Dominant To Hide "Online" Things From His submissive?
[2008/12/23 7:13] Pirate Russell: Especially If They Plan On A Real Time Meeting Or Relationship? If They Hiding Things Here, Wonders What They are going to Hide From You RL.
[2008/12/23 7:13] Pirate Russell: One Of The Things A submissive Must Have Is The Confidence In Their Dominant Will Not Harm Them Nor Allow Harm To Come To Them.
[2008/12/23 7:13] Pirate Russell: Trust Must Be Established. This Goes For The Mental Health As Well As The Physical Aspect Of The Relationship.
[2008/12/23 7:14] Pirate Russell: Trust Will Grow As We Respect And Honour Each Other. Please Get To Know The Person You Are Considering To Be In A Relationship With.
[2008/12/23 7:14] Pirate Russell: You Are Trusting Someone With The Most Precious Thing You Have...Your LIFE. You Can Quickly End Up In A Situation That Is Neither Safe, Sane, Nor Consensual.
[2008/12/23 7:14] Pirate Russell: Can You Really Trust Your Life To Someone who Takes No Value Of The Words Trust, Honour & Respect?
[2008/12/23 7:14] Pirate Russell: According to Rules for Masters by Jack Rinella <>
[2008/12/23 7:14] Pirate Russell: 1. Have some rules. Over time, of course, each one of us gains insight into what works and what doesn't. Some of this wisdom is codified into rules.
[2008/12/23 7:15] Pirate Russell: Rules are protective, instructive, and helpful. Having rules means that you know yourself, know what you want and don't want, and understand that everyone, including yourself, has limits.
[2008/12/23 7:15] Pirate Russell: I know some people think they have no limits. They are fooling themselves as we are all constrained by physical nature, economic considerations, legal issues, and moral and ethical realities.
[2008/12/23 7:15] Pirate Russell: We are all limited by the rose colored glasses through which we see the world. Rules help us respect those limits and avoid the trouble that is encountered when we exceed them.
[2008/12/23 7:15] Pirate Russell: 2. Make sure those rules are your rules. You can't (well you can if you want) just go out and find some rules and use them.
[2008/12/23 7:16] Pirate Russell: Rules must take their life from who you are. Rules must reflect the authentic you. If they don't, they will be burdensome and unenforceable.
[2008/12/23 7:16] Pirate Russell: Good rules, then, start from the first rule of life: "Know thyself." I guess I would then temper that with "Love, and then do whatever you will." That doesn't mean that you can't borrow or copy another's rules. By all means do so.
[2008/12/23 7:16] Pirate Russell: There is no reason to reinvent the wheel. If Master so and so has a reason for doing something and you like it, then do it too. Just make sure the rules resonate with who you are and what you want.
[2008/12/23 7:16] Pirate Russell: I can not be too strong in emphasizing the importance of the inner self in this arena of rule-making column.
[2008/12/23 7:17] Pirate Russell: 3. Don't make brittle rules. Rules are helpful because they add clarity and facilitate decision making. Rules cut in stone become millstones and anchors.
[2008/12/23 7:17] Pirate Russell: Now I have nothing against either of those things as we need to grind grain and anchor boats,
[2008/12/23 7:17] Pirate Russell: but if you think you can run your dungeon, your slave, or your life by a set of rules that are set in concrete or carved in granite, then you are kidding yourself.
[2008/12/23 7:17] Pirate Russell: Better than a long list of rules, one might have a list of principles, guidelines for action. Certainly they may lend themselves to codification, but the spirit of the principle is much more important than the letter of the law.
[2008/12/23 7:17] Pirate Russell: The Sabbath, after all, was made for man, not man for the Sabbath. Besides, there are always going to be exceptions and no amount of rule writing is going to cover all the possibilities.
[2008/12/23 7:18] Pirate Russell: 4. Communicate those rules. It's obvious that we need to communicate rules to slaves so that they obey them. The same goes for rules for ourselves.
[2008/12/23 7:18] Pirate Russell: Over time, I tell my applicants my rules and explain why I have them. I won't, for instance, let a write and talk endlessly.
[2008/12/23 7:18] Pirate Russell: He has got to show up at my doorstep within 6-8 weeks of our initial meeting. Why? Because I'm not into cybersex.
[2008/12/23 7:18] Pirate Russell: Are there exceptions? Sure. The date can be extended for lots of reasons, but the communication will be curtailed until the plane ticket is bought. It's simply a matter that if you're not ready, then please don't act like you are.
[2008/12/23 7:18] Pirate Russell: Communicating your rules has some nice benefits.
[2008/12/23 7:18] Pirate Russell: It shows you are in control, that you have an understanding of what you want and don't want, and that you've thought about being a Master.
[2008/12/23 7:19] Pirate Russell: It also gives the a sense of security to know that you have rules too, such as "I will not have un-safe sex." Now he knows he doesn't have to worry about one thing anyway.
[2008/12/23 7:19] Pirate Russell: 5. Remember man, that thou art dust; or get real. These Doms who think the world revolves around them need to think again.
[2008/12/23 7:19] Pirate Russell: Humility is a still a virtue, even in a person who wields great power. Being in control doesn't that mean that a person needs to be haughty, egotistical, or obnoxious.
[2008/12/23 7:19] Pirate Russell: If you are truly a person born to rule, then you have no need to put on airs. Pretense smells. Honesty, sincerity, and generosity have quite a different odor about them.
[2008/12/23 7:20] Pirate Russell: There's also a side of this rule that inves practicality. Your rules need to be pragmatic, workable, reasonable, measurable, and enforceable.
[2008/12/23 7:20] Pirate Russell: EEEP.. he he
[2008/12/23 7:20] Pirate Russell: If they aren't, they will be honored only in the breaking and you will be seen as living in a fantasy world. It's one thing, of course, to have a rule for a weekend scene, quite another to have a rule for living out the rest of your life.
[2008/12/23 7:20] Pirate Russell: 6. Stay above it. Just because the world is going to hell in a hand basket is no reason for you to do the same. Have high standards and stick to them.
[2008/12/23 7:20] Pirate Russell: 7. Set benchmarks and progress points. A person becomes a doctor through a long and arduous series of learning experiences and tests that prove the experiences have had their desired effect.
[2008/12/23 7:21] Pirate Russell: Each passing grade through high school, college, and med school contributes to the eventual M.D. Each evaluation, and not any single one, grants a person his or her license to practice medicine.
[2008/12/23 7:21] Pirate Russell: BRB, RL
[2008/12/23 7:21] ***XD***: ok hb
[2008/12/23 7:21] Pirate Russell: Sorry
[2008/12/23 7:21] Pirate Russell: It is no different for plumbers, electricians, or anyone else who wishes to acquire skill and standing.
[2008/12/23 7:21] Pirate Russell: As you evaluate prospective slaves, recognize that this is a process and note their success or failure at each step of the way.
[2008/12/23 7:21] Pirate Russell: Too often we want to jump to a full-blown contract while what are required are small steps and a gradual process.
[2008/12/23 7:22] Pirate Russell: Heat milk quickly and it scalds, heat it slowly and it comes out just right.
[2008/12/23 7:22] Pirate Russell: Running evaluations are helpful to everyone. Rules, after all, are meant to be helpful, indicative of reality.
[2008/12/23 7:22] Pirate Russell: 8. Don't talk it all to death. , if you want no more than phone and cyber sex, then keep talking. If you want real leather, you have to get physical.
[2008/12/23 7:22] Pirate Russell: We are, after all, trying to develop real relationships. If I'm never going to meet you, I'm never going to be your master. You can pretend all you want on the phone.
[2008/12/23 7:22] Pirate Russell: It might even get you off. But one of my rules is that until you've shaken hands, you haven't met. Until I can lo at you eye to eye, eat a meal with you, and hear your voice without the benefit of wires or radio waves, it's just a prelude and nothin
[2008/12/23 7:23] Pirate Russell: 9. Take responsibility. First and foremost you, top or bottom, are responsible for the consequences of your actions. Recognize that fact. Act responsibly. You are the one, after all, who wants to be in control.
[2008/12/23 7:23] Pirate Russell: 10. When a person says one thing and does another, I always listen to what they do. That advice has stood me in good stead. I hope it does the same for you.
[2008/12/23 7:23] Pirate Russell: I'd like to wind up today's talk with the Seven Pillars of Dominance:
[2008/12/23 7:23] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant is a ruler, but never a tyrant. But to rule requires understanding, and understanding requires humility.
[2008/12/23 7:24] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant has pride, but never arrogance. But pride requires dignity, and dignity requires humility.
[2008/12/23 7:24] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant commands respect, but never fear. But respect requires serenity, and serenity requires humility.
[2008/12/23 7:24] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant employs strength, but never force. But strength requires knowledge, and knowledge requires humility.
[2008/12/23 7:24] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant criticizes, but never derides. But criticism requires insight, and insight requires humility.
[2008/12/23 7:24] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant receives, but never takes. But receiving requires giving, and giving requires humility.
[2008/12/23 7:24] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant completes, but never tries to alter. But to complete one must be able to see what is there, not what is missing, and this most of all requires humility.
[2008/12/23 7:25] Pirate Russell: In short, to use an archaic phrase, noblesse oblige. The Dictionnaire de l’Académie française defines it thus:
[2008/12/23 7:25] Pirate Russell: Whoever claims to be noble must conduct himself nobly
[2008/12/23 7:25] Pirate Russell: If a Dominant is the centre of a submissive's universe, it is because she thinks so, not because he does.
[2008/12/23 7:25] Pirate Russell: No one is respected, let alone obeyed, just because. The truth of the matter is that owning is at least as much work as being owned. http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2008/12/23 7:25] Pirate Russell: Questions?? Comments??
[2008/12/23 7:26] Pirate Russell: Welllll, that script needs a little editing.. he he
[2008/12/23 7:26] Pirate Russell: But for typos, not for comment
[2008/12/23 7:26] Pirate Russell: er content
[2008/12/23 7:27] Pirate Russell listens to the crickets, which are even louder than the music.... he he
[2008/12/23 7:27] ***XD***: (sorry on phone with mom... and IM with a ex sub)
[2008/12/23 7:28] Pirate Russell: Then I'll have to keep girl after class! he he
[2008/12/23 7:28] ***IM***: girl sees entering an intimate D/s relationship like getting married. The trust must be there. One is making the same committment, it's for life, only marrige is living together, D/s a master could end yours accidently.
[2008/12/23 7:29] Pirate Russell: Actually this can be even a bigger commitment
[2008/12/23 7:29] Pirate Russell: in a D/s relationship, you will likely end up tied up and physically helpless
[2008/12/23 7:29] ***IM***: Because you are giving yourself instead of sharing?
[2008/12/23 7:29] ***IM*** nods.
[2008/12/23 7:29] Pirate Russell: That's a WHOLE different level of trust
[2008/12/23 7:30] Pirate Russell: you have to trust that your Dominant knows the difference between pain and injury
[2008/12/23 7:30] Pirate Russell: and is willing to stay on the right side of that line
[2008/12/23 7:31] Pirate Russell: And as we talked about subspace/Domspace last week, also that They are *able* to keep on that right side
[2008/12/23 7:31] ***IM***: Ooohh.
[2008/12/23 7:32] ***KB***: awww
[2008/12/23 7:32] ***KB***: girl missed that one :(
[2008/12/23 7:32] Pirate Russell: Will be in the blog when I get off My Domme ass and edit and post them
[2008/12/23 7:32] Pirate Russell can be just a little less formal with this crowd... he he
[2008/12/23 7:33] ***KB*** laughs
[2008/12/23 7:33] ***KB***: no comment :)
[2008/12/23 7:33] ***KC*** smiles
[2008/12/23 7:33] ***KB***: always forget to bookmark the blog...
[2008/12/23 7:33] ***IM*** giggles
[2008/12/23 7:33] ***KB***: so girl is no better
[2008/12/23 7:33] ***KB***: and then gets too lazy to search logs for the link
[2008/12/23 7:34] ***IM*** kicks Katie.
[2008/12/23 7:34] ***KB***: Owww!
[2008/12/23 7:34] ***KB***: what was that for?
[2008/12/23 7:34] ***IM***: being lazy.
[2008/12/23 7:34] Pirate Russell: go back about 10 min.... That IS lazy!
[2008/12/23 7:34] ***KB***: least girl is honest
[2008/12/23 7:34] ***KB***: ...*grumbles and mutters*
[2008/12/23 7:35] ***IM***: girl thinks it's important for subs to know that Master's have limits and rules. girl never really thought about it before, but They need something to work from too.
[2008/12/23 7:35] Pirate Russell: Careful or girl will be naked and honest!
[2008/12/23 7:36] Pirate Russell: Yes, remember the addage... "Absolute power corrupts, ABSOLUTELY!"
[2008/12/23 7:36] ***IM*** nods
[2008/12/23 7:36] ***KB***: well... nakies is likely to happen, honest or not hehe
[2008/12/23 7:36] Pirate Russell: Careful what slut wishes for... he he
[2008/12/23 7:36] ***KB*** zips her lips
[2008/12/23 7:36] ***IM*** kicks ***KB*** again.
[2008/12/23 7:36] ***KB***: Owww!
[2008/12/23 7:36] ***KB***: stop it!
[2008/12/23 7:37] ***KB***: am shushing!
[2008/12/23 7:37] ***KB*** groans
[2008/12/23 7:37] ***IM***: Is it hard for a Dom/me to *not* abuse the control given them?
[2008/12/23 7:37] ***KB*** laughs at the timing...
[2008/12/23 7:37] Pirate Russell: yes, hun, it really is
[2008/12/23 7:38] Pirate Russell: I know I've overstepped not necessarily limits, but boundries in the past
[2008/12/23 7:39] ***KB***: boundries, like a soft limit?
[2008/12/23 7:40] Pirate Russell thinks of boundries as more of a suggestion... maybe a little less than a soft limit, in the hirarchy of limits
[2008/12/23 7:40] ***IM***: girl wonders if anyone has ever committed suicide because of a ruined SL relationship.
[2008/12/23 7:40] ***KB***: ah okies
[2008/12/23 7:40] ***KB***: wouldnt doubt it, ***IM***
[2008/12/23 7:40] Pirate Russell: But that's not right, either
[2008/12/23 7:41] Pirate Russell: I would almost bet My house on it, but I have no examples
[2008/12/23 7:41] Pirate Russell: I've been VERY hurt, as much as RL, by things that have happened in the past
[2008/12/23 7:41] ***IM*** nods
[2008/12/23 7:42] Pirate Russell: Nothing recently, however
[2008/12/23 7:42] ***KB***: ive had one... that did a bigger number on me here, than any i've had in RL
[2008/12/23 7:42] Pirate Russell: Some how I don't think that number is '69', either!
[2008/12/23 7:43] ***IM*** giggles
[2008/12/23 7:43] ***KB***: not quite...
[2008/12/23 7:43] Pirate Russell: well, it's a pretty big number.... he he
[2008/12/23 7:43] Pirate Russell: Sorry, I'm getting silly
[2008/12/23 7:43] Pirate Russell: This IS a serious topic
[2008/12/23 7:43] ***KB*** watches Miss put on her game face
[2008/12/23 7:44] ***IM***: Just a silly bunch of P/people, hehe.
[2008/12/23 7:44] ***KB*** bites ibre's leg for the kicks
[2008/12/23 7:44] ***KB*** and then bite's ***IM***'s leg too
[2008/12/23 7:44] Pirate Russell: LOL
[2008/12/23 7:44] ***IM***: Are there ... Owwww ... ways to tell if a Dom/me ... Owwww ... is serious ?
[2008/12/23 7:45] ***XD***: finally got off phone.. mom and her christmas details, and neverending computer problems.. sighs
[2008/12/23 7:45] ***IM*** giggles
[2008/12/23 7:45] Pirate Russell: No worries Xuna...
[2008/12/23 7:45] Pirate Russell: Well, as for telling if someone is serious, all we really have is text to communicate in SL (voice notwithstanding)
[2008/12/23 7:45] ***XD***: I missed everything now
[2008/12/23 7:46] ***IM*** hopes Miss Xuna will do well on the test after class.
[2008/12/23 7:46] ***IM*** giggles
[2008/12/23 7:46] ***XD***: lol
[2008/12/23 7:46] Pirate Russell: yes, you lose a piece of clothing for each wrong answer
[2008/12/23 7:46] ***IM***: So Communication, hehe. Of course.
[2008/12/23 7:46] ***XD***: Nuuuuuuu!
[2008/12/23 7:46] ***KB***: oh, there's prolly extra credit avialable somewhere....
[2008/12/23 7:46] ***KB*** perks a brow
[2008/12/23 7:47] Pirate Russell: I would ask that any of My girls, or 'random' subbies I paly with, ASK. I try not to be such a bitch, that I can't be asked for clarificaton
[2008/12/23 7:47] Pirate Russell: Some gilrs want clarification on EVERY little thing, and that gets tedious
[2008/12/23 7:47] ***XD***: nods
[2008/12/23 7:47] ***KB***: what do you mean, Miss?
[2008/12/23 7:47] ***IM***: Lawyer subs.
[2008/12/23 7:47] ***KB*** giggles
[2008/12/23 7:47] ***IM*** laughs
[2008/12/23 7:48] ***KB***: was only kidding!
[2008/12/23 7:48] Pirate Russell: he he
[2008/12/23 7:48] ***XD***: i have some slave friends that are afraid to blink unless I give permission.. and yes its tedious
[2008/12/23 7:48] ***IM*** kicks ***KB*** again, but gently.
[2008/12/23 7:48] ***KB*** turns her head and growls. "careful, that foot might have more teeth marks"
[2008/12/23 7:49] Pirate Russell separtes the kids
[2008/12/23 7:49] Pirate Russell: slutgrab
[2008/12/23 7:49] Pirate Russell: slutcage
[2008/12/23 7:49] ***KB*** groans. "she started it!"
[2008/12/23 7:49] Pirate Russell: slutunleash
[2008/12/23 7:49] ***KB***: she was touching slut!
[2008/12/23 7:49] Pirate Russell: slutstand
[2008/12/23 7:50] ***IM*** gives her best innocent look.
[2008/12/23 7:50] ***IM***'s Choker whispers: ***IM*** is now prevented from standing up.
[2008/12/23 7:50] Pirate Russell: THERE!
[2008/12/23 7:50] ***KC*** giggles
[2008/12/23 7:50] ***KB*** gives ***IM*** dirty looks
[2008/12/23 7:50] ***IM*** blows rasberrys at ***KB***
[2008/12/23 7:51] ***KB*** turns her head to Miss and points at ***IM***.. "ooohhhh Misssss look at what she's doinggggg!!"
[2008/12/23 7:51] ***IM***'s Gag:
Gag locked by Pirate Russell
[2008/12/23 7:51] Pirate Russell: And slut's lucky I can't get her folders to work!
[2008/12/23 7:52] Pirate Russell: subbies, you can't live with them, you can't beat them....
[2008/12/23 7:52] ***KB*** snickers.
[2008/12/23 7:52] ***IM*** mumbles "Forry, Mifgreff."
[2008/12/23 7:52] Pirate Russell: Oh, WAIT!
[2008/12/23 7:52] ***KB***: crap...
[2008/12/23 7:52] ***IM*** mumbles "meep"
[2008/12/23 7:54] Pirate Russell: There, problem solved
[2008/12/23 7:54] fucktoy's facehole mumbles "ghif makef a difcuffion a big difficuwg, Miff"
[2008/12/23 7:54] fucktoy's facehole mumbles "ghif if aww your fauwg ***IM***!"
[2008/12/23 7:54] ***IM*** smiles sweetly
[2008/12/23 7:55] ***KB*** whines
[2008/12/23 7:55] ***KB*** pushes her tongue against the pannel
[2008/12/23 7:57] Pirate Russell: Well, I guess clsss has been over for a while, now
[2008/12/23 7:57] ***XD***: yeah.. and i need to visit an ex sub friend.. *smiles*
[2008/12/23 7:57] ***IM*** mumbles "Mifgreff, how differeng are ghe ruwef for a fcene af oppofed go a wong germ rewagionfhip? Are ghey baficawwy ghe fame?"
[2008/12/23 7:57] ***IM***'s Armbinder whispers: Binder is now Visible.
[2008/12/23 7:57] ***IM***'s Armbinder: Arm Binder locked by Pirate Russell.
[2008/12/23 7:58] Pirate Russell: repeat that, ***IM***?
[2008/12/23 7:58] ***KB*** laughs
[2008/12/23 7:58] MystiTool HUD 1.3.0: [***IM*** - Ch.3]: How different are the rules for a scene as opposed to a long term relationship, Mistress? Are they basically the same?
[2008/12/23 7:58] ***XD***: its a bot i haven't heard from in months.. so I will go. :-) *waves bye* I will try to read all the lectures at the website when I get a chance.
[2008/12/23 7:58] ***IM*** mumbles "How differeng are ghe ruwef for a fcene af oppofed go a wong germ rewagionfhip, Mifgreff? Are ghey baficawwy ghe fame?"
[2008/12/23 7:58] Pirate Russell: Ok, have fun
[2008/12/23 7:58] ***XD***: bye :-)
[2008/12/23 7:58] MystiTool HUD 1.3.0: [***IM*** - Ch.3]: Bye Miss Xuna
[2008/12/23 7:58] ***IM*** mumbles "Bye Miff Xuna"
[2008/12/23 7:59] fucktoy's facehole mumbles "gake care, Miff Xuna"
[2008/12/23 7:59] MystiTool HUD 1.3.0: [***KB*** - Ch.3]: take care, Miss Xuna
[2008/12/23 7:59] Pirate Russell: I assume that you mean Scene, as between releative strangers....
[2008/12/23 7:59] ***KC***: goodbye Miss Xuna
[2008/12/23 7:59] ***IM*** nods
[2008/12/23 7:59] Pirate Russell: Well, it would be the same as the difference between a date and a marriage.
[2008/12/23 8:00] Pirate Russell: Different levels of intamacy
[2008/12/23 8:00] Pirate Russell: er intimacy
[2008/12/23 8:00] MystiTool HUD 1.3.0: [***KB*** - Ch.3]: Miss, slut could try to fix your keyboard if her arms were free....
[2008/12/23 8:00] fucktoy's facehole mumbles "Miff, fwug couwd gry go fix your keyboard if her armf were free...."
[2008/12/23 8:03] Pirate Russell: !hug ***KC***
[2008/12/23 8:03] HelloMultiTool-v7 (hug/kiss/goto/etc): You have offered to hug ***KC***.
[2008/12/23 8:03] Pirate Russell slips Her hands under girl's TOO LONG skirt
[2008/12/23 8:03] Pirate gives ***KC*** a big hug.
[2008/12/23 8:03] ***KC***: mmmmmm
[2008/12/23 8:03] ***KC*** shivers
[2008/12/23 8:04] ***IM*** smiles under her gag
[2008/12/23 8:04] ***KC***: have a nice Christmas Miss
[2008/12/23 8:04] ***KC***: goodbye sis, ***KB***
[2008/12/23 8:04] Pirate Russell: Same to girl and Her family
[2008/12/23 8:05] MystiTool HUD 1.3.0: [***KB*** - Ch.3]: take care, ***KC***... please swat ***IM*** on your way out
[2008/12/23 8:05] ***KC***: have a nice Crhistmas you two
[2008/12/23 8:05] fucktoy's facehole mumbles "gake care, ***KC***... pweafe fwag ***IM*** on your way oug"
[2008/12/23 8:05] MystiTool HUD 1.3.0: [***IM*** - Ch.3]: Bye, Sis. See you later.
[2008/12/23 8:05] ***IM*** mumbles "Bye, Fif. Fee you wager."
[2008/12/23 8:05] Pirate Russell: GOOD garble.. "Fee you wager"
[2008/12/23 8:05] ***IM*** giggles
[2008/12/23 8:05] ***KC***: goodbye for now
[2008/12/23 8:06] ***IM*** smiles at Mistress

Basic Emoting - 12/18/08

[7:08] Srilania Svoboda: Ok, please take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[7:09] Srilania Svoboda: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! I'm the new teacher, Srilania Svoboda, and your instructor for this lesson.
[7:09] Srilania Svoboda: While I have only been in Second life for about six months, I have been about in the real world for many years, as well as out in other realms of the internet, as a submissive, then became a Domme, which I have done for about 5 years.
[7:09] Srilania Svoboda: For any that need to leave early, all transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[7:09] Srilania Svoboda: The lesson for today is Basic Emoting,
[7:09] Srilania Svoboda: or
[7:09] Srilania Svoboda: "How the hell do I put my hoohoodilly in her cha cha without a poseball?"
[7:10] Srilania Svoboda: First, some are asking, WHAT IS AN EMOTE?
[7:10] Srilania Svoboda: Is that some breed of Emo?
[7:10] Srilania Svoboda: Emoting began back in the days we didn't have this fine 3d world to wander about in, and only had text to manipulate.
[7:10] Srilania Svoboda: To show an action instead of something said, one would mark it or in the case of IRC chats, use /me to show an action, like so
[7:11] Srilania Svoboda: *drools*
[7:11] Srilania Svoboda: ::Drools::
[7:11] Srilania Svoboda drools
[7:11] Srilania Svoboda: Easy enough, isn't it?
[7:11] ***DH*** nods
[7:11] Srilania Svoboda: But, we're here in this world of animations, poseballs, and lucious nakedness. So why would we need something so old as an emote?
[7:12] Srilania Svoboda: Simply put, while this digital world has many things, it's quite limited. Many toys out there make play easier to show, but have not replaced the basic emote. Simply put, the game only allows so much creativity.
[7:12] Srilania Svoboda: Not only that, not many of us can afford to slap together a 100,000 linden dungeon just to animate out every perverse fantasy, or the time to learn how to make the scripts, animations, and primwork to make a 100k fantasy playpen on your own.
[7:12] Srilania Svoboda: So, rather than restrict ourselves into boring animation loops, we emote. Mind you, that 10,000L sex bed ain't crappy either, as it DOES at least set the tone for the emoting.
[7:13] Srilania Svoboda: Seriously, which trips the trigger to flow emotes better, 2 people standing around, or one naked and bound, while the other flogs them?
[7:13] ***DH*** votes for flogging
[7:13] Srilania Svoboda: Since there is still need for emoting, it's important to learn how to do a good basic emote.
[7:13] Srilania Svoboda: First thing in emoting is how to do it. it's not hard, but can take getting used to. the usual ways is marking normal text, and using the /me command.
[7:14] Srilania Svoboda: When you use the /me command, it removes the colon behind your name, showing an action, like this:
[7:14] Srilania Svoboda wraps her arm around your head, pulls you down, and proceeds to strap you into a creaking wooden rack
[7:14] Srilania Svoboda: See, not hard to do. Just type /me followed by what you want to tell the person you're doing.
[7:14] Srilania Svoboda: The other way is marking it. These are good for ones where you have a mix of talk and action. One good one is this:
[7:15] Pirate Russell types /me before she types "types"
[7:15] Srilania Svoboda: So, what do we have here? *leans in and sniffs your neck, the breath tickling* Ohhh, that perfume is divine. *purrs the last word*
[7:15] Srilania Svoboda: Note how it allows you to mix actions with talk. This style is also great if you meant to have a tone of voice, a look, a quick action, or just prefer it over /me
[7:16] Srilania Svoboda: Biggest rule is never emote the reactions of someone else. ONLY emote your actions. This is an example of a bad emote.
[7:16] Srilania Svoboda grabs you roughly by the shirt, then slaps you, making you cry.
[7:16] Srilania Svoboda: You just took away any other choice in reacting. This would make your partner just a reactive meat puppet.
[7:17] Srilania Svoboda: And they DO make scripted prim sex dolls for that kind of thing
[7:18] Srilania Svoboda: Here's the way to make it guide the person to the reaction you want, without removing choice:
[7:18] Srilania Svoboda grabs you by the front of the shirt, then proceeds to slap your face roughly, trying to make you cry
[7:18] Srilania Svoboda: Notice the difference? This one allows your partner to do something other than cry, but expresses the direction you'd like to take things.
[7:18] Srilania Svoboda: One thing that can drive people crazy in a scene are a ton of one liner quickies. this is an example:
[7:19] Srilania Svoboda screams loudly
[7:19] Srilania Svoboda squirms and thrashes
[7:19] Srilania Svoboda then bites you as you try grabbing her
[7:19] Srilania Svoboda: See how that just breaks the whole thing up, and makes it a general pain to deal with? Let's show how you can make that into one smooth emote, that sends your partner down the happy trail:
[7:19] Srilania Svoboda while screaming, she squrms and thrashes as you try grabbing her. With one piercing shriek, she lunges and sinks her teeth into your shoulder.
[7:20] Srilania Svoboda: Notice how much smoother that looks? Lets it flow in one stream, rather than chopped up.
[7:20] ***aK***: but long sentence are not simple when english is not your native nanguage
[7:20] ***AU*** nods in agreement
[7:21] Srilania Svoboda: True, ***aK***. However, short and simple rapid fire does tend to frustrate and annoy people. Even taking the 3 from the bad example, and just sticking them together would be better, as it puts them all as one post
[7:22] Pirate Russell knows when She's with someone that is not an Native English Speaker, and makes allowances for sentence structure, and spelling.
[7:23] Srilania Svoboda screams. squirms and thrashes. Then, bites you as you try grabbing her
[7:24] Srilania Svoboda: See a difference ***aK***? Even just taking those rapid fire ones and slipping them into one post smooths and speeds things a little bit
[7:24] ***aK***: yes, but think we have to read too...
[7:24] Srilania Svoboda: And mind you, I more reffer to some that I have experienced, where rapid fire emoting is 10-20 short posts
[7:26] Srilania Svoboda: I just did not wish to torture the class with a full example of that. There's better forms of torture
[7:26] Srilania Svoboda: The other hazzard, however, is the emote that does not end. The wall of text that crits for a million hitpoints.
[7:27] Srilania Svoboda: If you find your emotes are taking 20 minutes to write one reaction, and it's taking 2 screens to read, you might want to consider breaking it up into shorter emotes.
[7:28] Srilania Svoboda: \Example mercifly not given, not only to reduce needless pain and suffering, but due to technological constraints of the lecture technology
[7:28] Srilania Svoboda: But most people in class has seen the emote that does not end
[7:29] Srilania Svoboda: To wrap up the class, remember the basics, and a couple of the worst mistakes one can make when emoting.
[7:29] Srilania Svoboda: Our next week's scheduled class will be basic roleplay, so come ready to get into the spirit of things!
[7:29] Srilania Svoboda: Questions, opinions, feelings?
[7:29] ***aK***: no thanks
[7:30] Srilania Svoboda: I know, a pretty cut and dried topic, but next week's is how to have a romp with Legolas without getting arrested for stalking
[7:30] ***MG***thinks it was all very interesting, and thanks the instructress.
[7:31] Srilania Svoboda: All transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[7:31] ***DH***: thank you Srilania
[7:31] Srilania Svoboda: For Class times and topics, Y/you would always check the Search/Events and look for College
[7:31] ***AU***: are there any tips for emoting with several people in a scene, how would you consider a good way to handle more then 1 reaction at a time?
[7:32] Srilania Svoboda: As in a threesome scene?
[7:32] ***AU***: aye, as in a threesome
[7:33] Srilania Svoboda: I've found that making a good emote to react to both people works. But, if there is too much going on in the scene, you might need to react to each person seperately
[7:33] ***AU*** smiles nodding and taking in the information
[7:35] Srilania Svoboda: In that situation, just as with dealing with someone for whom English is a second language, you have to be more flexible. The biggest one to avoid is the novel emote, where you take 3-4 days to write a response
[7:36] Srilania Svoboda: You might find those 3 other people that were grouped around you going after each other instead
[7:37] Srilania Svoboda thumps the lag monster with her cattle prod
[7:37] Srilania Svoboda: [ you have reached the end of the current notecard - resetting to first line... ]
[7:37] ***AU*** giggles, also the lag emote where the lag kills the moods
[7:37] Srilania Svoboda: You mean taking a long time to write the emote, or the system lagging your response?
[7:38] ***AU***: system lagging the response, I have had that happen before
[7:38] Srilania Svoboda: Aye, but we came here because we had no lag, so we decided to come to Second Lag
[7:39] Srilania Svoboda giggles
[7:39] ***AU*** laughs
[7:39] Srilania Svoboda: Any other questions, comments?
[7:40] ***DH***: Thank you
[7:41] ***AU***: thanks for your time, this was great
[7:41] Srilania Svoboda: Ok, please remember next weeks lesson is "How to beat Brittany Spears without getting nailed for assault and battery", and thank you for attending

Between a Rock and a Hard Place: Hard Limits in SL - 12/17/08

[0:34] Zealot Benmergui: OK, lets go ahead and get started, and we can flog any latecomers
[0:34] ***MM***: mmm flogging
[0:34] ***AM*** mutes herself.
[0:34] ***AM*** leaves and returns late.
[0:34] ***SS***: Awwww. Can't I bleed them dry while your lil mischief monkies root through their pockets?
[0:35] ***MM*** sighs
[0:35] ***SA***: who's a mischief monkey?
[0:35] Zealot Benmergui: I have monkeys? No one told me...
[0:36] ***MM***: mmm banana
[0:36] Zealot Benmergui: All this time I have actually been buying food, when I have livestock
[0:36] ***OE***: never know what the demons may bring Zealot
[0:36] Zealot Benmergui: Welcome A/all to the House of V’s College of Kink. My name is Zealot Benmergui, Baron BardHaven and I will be your host today. Some of you may know me from lecturing here at House of V and other locations around the grid. Others of you may know me as Andreas Kleene bitter ex-husband, who will never let a man hurt me the way that bastard did EVER again.
[0:36] ***MM***: LOL
[0:36] ***AM*** snorts
[0:36] Zealot Benmergui: Ummm...*coughs*
[0:36] Zealot Benmergui: Going on
[0:37] ***AM***: Ai
[0:37] Zealot Benmergui: The topic for today is "Between a Rock and a Hard Place: Hard Limits in SL”. Today we will look at how hard Limits work in an online environment. Please note that for the purpose of clarity, I will tend to use “she” to refer to a submissive and “he” to refer to a Dominant, but either can be of any gender. Your humble lecturer WILL accept tips, but they must be paid to me directly, if you are so inclined, thank you.
[0:37] ***AM***: Grab a poseball, sugar.
[0:37] ***AS*** nods
[0:37] Zealot Benmergui: Due to the nature of the topic, today will be less me gabbing on, and more of an open discussion, as Hard Limits are an extreamely personal and subjective topic
[0:37] ***RS***: abs..........you brought me here to listen to a fuckin lecture on bdsm? Really?
[0:38] Zealot Benmergui: However, some defintions are helpful...
[0:38] ***RS***: Ciao peoples.
[0:38] Zealot Benmergui: I was going to talk about Hannah Montana, but I lost my copy of Tiger Beat with the groovy interview.
[0:38] ***AM***: Night Ry
[0:38] ***MM***: take care
[0:38] ***RS***: /ao on
[0:39] Zealot Benmergui: Doesn;t he dig Hannah?
[0:39] ***NN***: i would dig hannah montana, repeatedly, in the face
[0:40] ***AM***: lol Sir
[0:40] Zealot Benmergui: OK, moving on
[0:40] Zealot Benmergui: Hard Limits, in the most basic form, are simply things that a person will not due for any number of possible reasons
[0:41] Zealot Benmergui: Either due to personal preference, history, or real life situations, they are lines they will not cross.
[0:42] Zealot Benmergui: These usually tend to be Real World limits, that filter their way into SL or online encounters...but they may not always be consistant...
[0:42] Zealot Benmergui: For me, there are three kinds of Hard Limits, eacjh which must be approached a little differently
[0:43] Zealot Benmergui: There are the standard "Cultural Hard Limits" that you will find most people you speak to consider to be off limits....Scat for example, ageplay for some, more extreme forms of bondages/masochism for others
[0:44] Zealot Benmergui: These are usually a standard, somewhat generic list of whatever the "big bads" are at the time
[0:45] Zealot Benmergui: The second form of Hard Limits, in my opinion, are "Testing Limits"...limits that are not based on knwoledge so much as a lack there of
[0:45] Zealot Benmergui: Such as..."Will not have sex with goats"
[0:45] Zealot Benmergui: They only say this since they have never HAD sex with a goat
[0:45] ***MM***: what??????
[0:45] Seatyn Magic: mmm goats
[0:45] ***AM***: I would totally bang a goat if he was hot.
[0:45] ***MM***: awww the poor goat needs love too
[0:45] ***SA*** loves goats
[0:45] Zealot Benmergui: I know, some people are anti-goat..hard to fathom but it's true
[0:45] ***OE***: its true ppl
[0:45] Seatyn Magic: a goat is having my prim baby
[0:46] ***AS***: hence the saying don't knock it till you try it
[0:46] ***AM***: Rowan!
[0:46] ***NN***: my llama girlfriend would be very upset
[0:46] ***SA***: ROWROW!
[0:46] ***MM*** quietly molests rowan
[0:46] ***AM***: I adore llamas
[0:46] Zealot Benmergui: By and large, wether or not livestock is involved, these limits can be explored, and often someone wishes them to be....they are not true Hard Limits, just lack of experience or a feeling that something just won't be to their liking
[0:46] ***AM***: I almost just told oyu something I shouldn't. O.o
[0:46] ***AM***: you*
[0:46] ***SA*** pokes rowrow in da bewbs
[0:46] Seatyn Magic: its the RowSTER
[0:47] ***RV*** quietly cums
[0:47] Zealot Benmergui: And we will have time later on for everyone to name their land mammal of choice...so keep it down for the moment
[0:47] ***AM*** races Mali to lick it up
[0:47] ***MM***: shhh
[0:47] ***MM***: behave
[0:47] ***AM***: :D
[0:47] Zealot Benmergui: The last kind of hard limit are for me the ones of greatest importance...these are the true limits based on the person's history or experience.
[0:48] Zealot Benmergui: I would not be stating anything we don;t all know if I told you that the vast majority of subs, and even Doms online have had some kind of trauma or situation in their history that has drawn them towards D/s
[0:49] Zealot Benmergui: Such things also tend to make for hard Limits..some which would seem obvious...some which are more arcane
[0:50] Zealot Benmergui: The challange to any Dom, or to anyone who runs into another person's hard limits, is to gauge which limits are there due to ignorance, which due to nervousness, and which are serious limits which will cause damage if breeched.
[0:51] Zealot Benmergui: In order to discuss that challange, lets look at the subs relationship to hard limits...
[0:51] Zealot Benmergui: Is a submissive always aware of their limits?
[0:51] ***OE***: no
[0:51] ***SS***: No, they are not
[0:51] ***MM***: nope
[0:51] Zealot Benmergui: no, often they will come as a surprise even to them
[0:52] ***YS*** nods.
[0:52] Zealot Benmergui: you willbe in a scene, and suddenly find the ground is very very different then either of you expected
[0:53] Zealot Benmergui: Hard limits which are not known in advance need to be handled very very carefully, since it is possible the sub won;t even know why it is there, or be willing to discuss it...she is just aware of the reaction
[0:54] Zealot Benmergui: What abouts limits a sub is aware of?
[0:54] Zealot Benmergui: How should a sub relate to those, especially with a new partner?
[0:54] ***SS***: Some might actually not be limits and they are not aware of it
[0:54] ***AM***: bdsm checklist ftw
[0:54] ***OE***: bascially what she may have experienced .. or fear of .. ect
[0:55] ***OE***: or what i call the ewww list.. like scat
[0:55] Zealot Benmergui: nods...all three of those points are accurate, and therefore they need to be discussed upfront in any serious relationship
[0:55] ***AS***: a limit may come from a previous "bad" expirence from a former master/mistress
[0:55] Zealot Benmergui: I am not saying you need to give your full set oif kinks and limits to some guy in a hot outfit you fuck ata aclub, if that is your wont...
[0:56] ***AM*** grins.
[0:56] Zealot Benmergui: but if it is to be a relationship, it is always a good idea to set limits, and if possible, explain why
[0:56] Zealot Benmergui: even if the why is "none of your business, now lay down
[0:56] ***OE***: gauges each party
[0:56] ***MM*** laughs
[0:57] Zealot Benmergui: A Dom needfs information to work with
[0:57] ***OE***: assesment crucial.. can only be known if talked and set
[0:57] ***OE***: <[0:57] Zealot Benmergui: save for those of us who have extra sensiry glands in our penises
[0:57] Seatyn Magic: mmm penis
[0:57] ***MM***: mm glands
[0:57] ***YS*** chuckles.
[0:57] ***AM*** blinks
[0:58] Seatyn Magic: oh hang on..can i take that back
[0:58] ***AM*** snickers.
[0:58] Zealot Benmergui: Therefore, it is vitally important you explain your limits, even if you are somewhat shy about them
[0:58] ***AM*** quotes.
[0:58] Zealot Benmergui: based on those, it is also possible an experienced Dom will be able to anticpate what other limits may be there that the sub is not aware of
[0:59] Zealot Benmergui: since by and large, a sub only knows a limit they have actually run into
[0:59] ***OE***: yes
[0:59] Zealot Benmergui: if they have never had a man anally penetrate them with a frozen confection, they won;t KNOW that they have a hard limit to grape flavored sorbet up their ass
[0:59] ***SS***: Yes, especially if a well designed play form is used
[0:59] ***OE***: *perks*
[1:00] ***AM*** clenches, thinking fondly of confections in her ass.
[1:00] Zealot Benmergui: Therefore, being honest about your limits can also be an educational experience, as a good Dom may then be able to discover other limits you have, and tal them out with you
[1:01] Zealot Benmergui: also, he may be able to ease you through those wchih are not true limits, such as kinks you are just nervous about.
[1:02] Zealot Benmergui: Remember that part of the reason many people who have had bad experiences in the past are drawn to D/s is to have the chance to work through some of these issues in a secure, loving situation
[1:03] Zealot Benmergui: OK, so that is how a sub cabn deal with Hard Limits..what about a Dom..how should he respond when encountering a hard Limit?
[1:03] ***SS***: reassure, and help the sub understand why there is a limit there
[1:03] ***AM***: Stop, listen, deal.
[1:04] ***MM*** nods at Abs
[1:04] ***MM***: and be prepared to stop all together if necessary
[1:04] ***AM***: yep
[1:04] Zealot Benmergui: nods...I would say stop altogether is the first step
[1:04] Zealot Benmergui: just back completely away from the limit
[1:04] Zealot Benmergui: until you can work out why it exists
[1:04] ***AM*** nods
[1:04] Zealot Benmergui: and what it's nature is
[1:05] ***MM***: well I mean stop everything if necessary...although it could be an overreaction that will just make her feel worse
[1:05] Zealot Benmergui: since if it is a limit caused by some previous trauma, and you push at it, cajoling them, intimidating, you could be causing a massive amount of damage even if she appears to "consent" at that moment
[1:05] ***SS***: If you come across one accidentally and they safeword, play should stop IMMEDIIATELY and aftercare started, as that can quite easily shred a person from subspace
[1:06] Zealot Benmergui: nods to Mali...well, I don;t mean drop it as in "OHMYGOD ARE YOU ALRIGHT!!!! I didn;lt mean to mentally scar you for life.....OH GOD...TRAUMA THERAPIST, IS THERE A TRAUMA THERAPIST IN THE DUNGEON?????
[1:07] ***MM*** smiles
[1:07] Zealot Benmergui: more like...being aware of it and steering away
[1:07] ***AM*** holds up Mr. Hanky. "Here, Sir!"
[1:07] ***MM***: of course Master
[1:07] Zealot Benmergui: just not continuing on that course in any way
[1:07] ***MM***: although I agree with Sri IF there is a safeword used, which should be rather rare
[1:07] Zealot Benmergui: if they panic that you are touching their anus, it is not a good time to say "but your sister LOVES it when I fuck her up the ass...maybe just try a little?"
[1:07] ***SS***: If you come across a hard limit in play, there damn well better be a safeword used
[1:08] ***MM***: LOL
[1:08] ***MS*** laughs
[1:08] ***SS***: THAT is part of the reason one is in place
[1:08] ***AM***: Just the tip!
[1:08] Zealot Benmergui: sometimes safewords don;t come into play...especially if the hard limit was not known in advance
[1:08] ***OE***: ::smiles::
[1:08] ***MM*** has never invoked a safeword, ever
[1:08] Zealot Benmergui: safe words are great and useful in many cases, in other cases, the Dom just needs to be aware
[1:09] ***OE***: knowing the sub.. learned to map her..
[1:09] ***MM***: exactly
[1:09] ***OE***: like a finger print
[1:09] Zealot Benmergui: if she is normally very vocal, and you do something new and she goes quiet...find out why
[1:10] Zealot Benmergui: or the opposite...sometimes a girl will react to a limit by trying to force HERSELF past it
[1:10] ***OE***: imprinting* is a better choice of word
[1:10] ***MM*** agrees
[1:11] Zealot Benmergui: smiles..when you know a woman so well you could coin her into gold...then you will likely be able to sense when a limit is in play
[1:11] ***MM***: mmm gold
[1:11] ***OE***: ::smiles::
[1:11] Zealot Benmergui: however, most encounters online are not like that, which is where safe words come into play
[1:11] ***SS***: Kind of my point
[1:11] Zealot Benmergui: but if a limit is profound, and unexpected, a safeword may not be used...
[1:11] ***OE***: thats what is so hard
[1:12] Zealot Benmergui: I have always found that the best safeword for me is "STOP THAT YOU FUCKING FREAK>>>JESUS GET AWAY FROM ME",,,OR WORDS TO THAT EFFECT
[1:12] ***MM*** laughs
[1:12] ***SS***: A good Domme will do their best to sense. But a good sub will use that piece of safety built into every good, decent relationship
[1:13] ***MM*** laughs
[1:13] ***SS***: Zealot, that works good in a plain BDSM scene, but in a RP BDSM scene, that can just be damn good acting
[1:13] Zealot Benmergui: nods...true, but some good indecent subs either prefer to work without safewords due to their own kinks or style...or trust in the person they are with to keep them safe.
[1:13] ***OE***: the sub will have a shut down mode.. built in
[1:14] Zealot Benmergui: nods..of some kimd yess Miss ***OE***..hence noting changes
[1:14] Zealot Benmergui: and yes Sri, if ther role play is a brutal rape, you may not be able to sort the truth from the fiction
[1:14] Zealot Benmergui: that is why even in rp scenes, I like to keep an outrider open
[1:15] Zealot Benmergui: keep the girl in a seperete IM where you are not in character, or at least not in the rp
[1:15] ***AM*** nods.
[1:15] ***SS***: ((that is what this is for too))
[1:15] ***AM***: That's exactly how you do it. You always have a side area where you can be 'you', not your av.
[1:15] Zealot Benmergui: that way you can give rl instructions...or ask "are you ok"
[1:15] ***AM***: That can get lost though, Sri.
[1:16] Zealot Benmergui: nods..it is a matter of personal preference..and both methods can be used to deal with hard limits
[1:16] Zealot Benmergui: so beyond stopping what you are doing and switching gears, or if the reaction is severe, stopping eveyrthing..what comes next?
[1:16] ***SS***: I've found the opposite in my experience. They can get so narrow focused on local chat they forget to even look and see there is an IM
[1:17] Zealot Benmergui: nods to Sri...again, you need to know the sub in question, and know what they need, even in terms of such logistics
[1:17] Zealot Benmergui: a Dominants work is never done
[1:18] Zealot Benmergui: ok, so you hit a limit....and have stopped...what should both sub amd Dom do next?
[1:19] ***MM***: definitely true irl
[1:19] ***AM***: evaluate
[1:19] Zealot Benmergui: nods...either immediately, or as part of after care/post coital canoodling...talk about it
[1:19] ***MM***: communicate, cuddle, encourage them to get help if necessary
[1:19] ***MS***: a hug, thats nice
[1:19] ***SS***: If they have come up against an accidental hard limit, one they were not aware of having, they should be helped to understand the limit itself. Maybe they just have a problem with the food coloring in a cherry freezie pop and can handle grape instead
[1:20] Zealot Benmergui: So, you really freaked out when I tried to shove the bicycle up your cunt...how come? Just crazy, or your time of the month?
[1:20] ***AM***: lol
[1:20] ***SS***: O.o
[1:20] ***OE***: crazy lol.
[1:20] Zealot Benmergui: first...opt for sheer comfort and tenderness
[1:20] ***AM*** graduates Zealot to the people who will never escape from her.
[1:21] Zealot Benmergui: often a sub will feel guilty for having said no, or embarassed
[1:21] Zealot Benmergui: before you do anything, you need to help her past that
[1:21] Zealot Benmergui: and subs need to let it go
[1:21] ***SS***: Aye, reassurance is key. They need to know you're not mad, hurt, or frustrated
[1:21] Zealot Benmergui: once any stigma is removed, you can move forward
[1:22] ***OE***: guilt come all to often for a sub under a Dominant
[1:22] Zealot Benmergui: so doms, don;t use phrases like "Wow, all my other girls love "takin the schwinn"
[1:22] ***MM***: yeah but they should also remember that Doms need aftercare as well and are likely to be just as freaked
[1:22] Zealot Benmergui: or "If you loved me, you would love my motocross fetish"
[1:22] ***OE***: nor disapproval tones
[1:22] ***SS***: Ahhhhh! Mali gets one point across
[1:23] Zealot Benmergui: a very good point Mali, most Doms will be worry they did something very bad, or broke you, or that you will think they are eveil, or just less respectable now
[1:23] ***MM*** ponders how such a thing could be possible in a discussion
[1:23] ***OE***: Dom's are human too
[1:23] ***MM*** nods at mesa
[1:24] ***SS*** beans mesa
[1:24] Zealot Benmergui: well. most Doms
[1:24] ***SS***: Some of us are vampires, silly girl
[1:24] ***OE***: the ones who are not.. bye bye
[1:24] ***AM***: ...
[1:24] Zealot Benmergui: no beaning, this is a family type sex club
[1:24] ***OE***: lol.
[1:25] ***OE***: never knew You to be vampirie
[1:25] ***OE***: hehe.
[1:25] Zealot Benmergui: and no dissing, thank you one and all, lest papp has to use the rocket launcher
[1:25] ***AM*** twitches.
[1:25] Zealot Benmergui: *pappa
[1:25] ***SS***: Oh, now you're just trying to make me wet Zealot
[1:25] ***AM***: Let me, Pappa. Please?
[1:25] Zealot Benmergui: So, once we have dealt with the guiolt and shock on both sides of the equation, the real work gets started
[1:25] Zealot Benmergui: and to be honest, one of the great strengths D/s has over more mainstream relationships
[1:26] Zealot Benmergui: NO Sri, that was why I brought upo the bicycle penetration...
[1:27] ***SS***: I don't have a bike fetish. I have an explosives fetish
[1:27] ***AM*** begins humming the Beatles to herself.
[1:27] Zealot Benmergui: once the traukma is a bit eased, you can begin discussing why the limit exists, how hard it truly is, and how it can be adressed, if it should be adressed at all
[1:27] Zealot Benmergui: some limits are best just to leave alone, or to professionals
[1:28] Zealot Benmergui: others, in fact most, can benefit from being discussed and explored
[1:28] Zealot Benmergui: but it requires a massive amount of care and communication
[1:29] Zealot Benmergui: which brings up the other question which both the Dom and sub have to ask at this time...but few will talk about
[1:29] Zealot Benmergui: they need to decide of such work is worthwhile
[1:29] ***YS*** nods.
[1:30] Zealot Benmergui: it requires a great amount of care and love and time to help someone deal with hard limits and deep trauama, it requires a terrfying amount of openess onthe parts of both sub and Dom
[1:30] ***SS***: THAT is a question easy to answer
[1:30] ***MS***: is it?
[1:30] ***MM***: nope
[1:30] ***RV***: um, nuh uh
[1:30] Zealot Benmergui: it may be that the Dom doesn;t feel capable or desirous of putting in the effort, it may be the sub really doesn;t want this Dom messing about with the trauma involved...perhaps no Dom.
[1:31] ***MM***: a Dom/me is a poor substitute for therapy...but there are now alot of kink friendly therapists
[1:31] Zealot Benmergui: Ofter times both Dom and sub will get in deep in a rush of emotion..and rapidly find themselves sinking without a paddle, tied to someone that was great for a few laughs, or that they like...but not that much.
[1:32] ***SS***: The work is always worthwhile. If it requires having the sub seek professional help, the Domme STILL has to help with things around and involving this, even just helping the sub deal with the shock of discovering something IN therapy
[1:32] Zealot Benmergui: nods...I admit there have been several situations in my time as a Dom and a master where I had to say "This is past my abilitiers, I am worried I am doing harm, you need professional help with this"
[1:33] Zealot Benmergui: indeed Sri...I am not saying either Dom or sub just walk away based on that, but it definetly changes the amount of reourse being used
[1:33] ***SS***: Even in this day and age, there is a stigma about "seeing a shrink"
[1:33] Zealot Benmergui: nods..absolutely
[1:33] Zealot Benmergui: they may very well needs the Doms support and encouragement to do so
[1:34] Zealot Benmergui: but that is amuch different then actually trying to do the heavy lifting for them
[1:34] ***SS***: I see it as all or nothing. Therapists, medication, just quiet cuddle time, they are some of my tools to help a sub understand and deal with hitting their hard limit
[1:35] Zealot Benmergui: In that we disagree..for me, nothing is every All or nothing
[1:35] ***MM***: your opinion of course is always right for each of you
[1:35] Zealot Benmergui: there are levels to everything...
[1:35] ***MM***: but not necessarily for anyone else
[1:36] ***AM***: Shades of grey
[1:36] Zealot Benmergui: if you are dealing with the produc tof deep childhood trauma, it may be that holding her hand is all you can really do...
[1:36] ***OE***: there are no shades of gray
[1:36] ***AM*** blinks
[1:37] Zealot Benmergui: if you are dealing with less profound situations, then the level is different, but you still need to decide if you are capable of dealing with it
[1:37] ***SS***: Yes, and if that is all you can do, there is no shade of grey. You hold the hand or you don't
[1:37] ***MM*** may need aftercare from this lecture
[1:37] ***RV*** is with Mali
[1:37] ***AM*** holds your breasts.
[1:37] ***MM*** moans
[1:37] ***MM***: thanks Abs!
[1:37] Zealot Benmergui: true, in that you are correct..consistency is the key
[1:37] ***AM***: always
[1:37] Zealot Benmergui: don't promise what you can;t do
[1:38] Zealot Benmergui: there is another factor that also has to be remember, as non-romantic as it sounds...
[1:38] Zealot Benmergui: TIME
[1:38] ***OE***: infact don't promise.. thats to final.. instead agree upon the possibillty
[1:38] Zealot Benmergui: do you have the time to adress this with them, as a Dom or a sub
[1:39] Zealot Benmergui: very true Miss ***OE***...the best you can promise is to try your best
[1:39] ***OE***: excately
[1:40] ***SS***: You should always have the time, or make the time. At least enough to help them not fall into a major subcrash or subdrop from the situation
[1:40] Zealot Benmergui: the long and short of it is that Hard Limits are NOT cut and dried..not just "I don;t fuck children, buffalo and I won;t shit on you...now get on the fucking poseball, stud"
[1:41] Zealot Benmergui: we are discussing two different things Sri
[1:41] Zealot Benmergui: in terms of heloping them recover from that scene,m I comopletely agree, don;t start what you can;t finish, no matter where that leads you
[1:42] Zealot Benmergui: but in terms of longer term..lets face it,m even in some D/s relationships, neither Dom or sub will have signed on for doing deep, dark work like that
[1:44] ***SS***: Ahhh. You reffer to bunker busters. Surprise limits that can break a relationship, usually due to the shock of running into them in the first place
[1:44] Zealot Benmergui: there needs to be an awareness that this has gone beyond fucking around online
[1:44] Zealot Benmergui: nods,,,or even known limits that suddenly take on relevence
[1:44] ***SS***: Aye
[1:45] Zealot Benmergui: there must be a way for both Dom and sub to opt out gracefully if they can;t deal with those issues at that time...
[1:46] Zealot Benmergui: it is one of those things we don;t like to admit...but face it
[1:46] ***OE***: safety net on both sides
[1:46] Zealot Benmergui: for 90 percent of the subs out there, the Dom they call the love of their life, their soul mate, whatever...is he REALLY someone they would feel safe putting their mental health in the hands of?
[1:47] ***OE***: nope
[1:47] Zealot Benmergui: He says his sub is His and a joy and how much he adores her..is he willing to hold her hand for a few months as she works through the trauma of a previous rape?
[1:47] Zealot Benmergui: or a few years
[1:47] ***MM***: well....they can both go to the kink friendly therapist
[1:47] ***OE***: nope
[1:47] ***OE***: online?
[1:47] ***OE***: no
[1:47] ***OE***: real perhaps
[1:47] ***MM***: but no matter how awesomesauce he is, he is not a substitute for a qualified professional
[1:48] ***SS***: And Eel illustrates what i was saying. Black and White.
[1:48] Zealot Benmergui: even some online Miss ***OE***, and absolutely true Mali...but that needs to be discussed and understood by both Dom and sub
[1:48] ***MM***: in person!
[1:49] ***OE***: to easy to be one personality behind a screen and another real
[1:49] Zealot Benmergui: I am not saying that there are not online relationships that can be tremendously helpful to such trauma, but you need to be clear eyed about it and judge what is, case by case
[1:50] Zealot Benmergui: and Mali is right, for any deep trauam, the online support must be just one element, in addition to sound professional advice and care, and loving friends in real life
[1:50] ***OE***: getting the two together is like 1 in a million'
[1:50] Zealot Benmergui: Hard Limits can often be the wake up call, that you are dealing with people's lives and emotions here, not just kinky chat online
[1:51] Zealot Benmergui: and therefore, you need to be aware and cognisant of the risks and benefits involved
[1:51] ***MM***: on both sides
[1:51] ***MM***: there are plenty of Dom/mes in this game acting out unhealthy prior trauma as well
[1:51] ***MS***: indeed
[1:51] ***OE***: i am hard nosed .. esp. onlines..
[1:51] Zealot Benmergui: we talk an awful lot of shit in places like House of V...but we are real people, often with real problems...and we need at times to remember that and decide what we are willing and capable of doing in those situations
[1:52] ***OE***: ..and i cringe
[1:52] ***OE***: usually leave
[1:52] ***MM*** comforts ***OE***
[1:53] ***OE***: ::smiles:: down at Marliene.. i been there and have done that syndrom.. and real life too..
[1:53] Zealot Benmergui: Hard limits are the place whre reality encounters the fantasy of online D/s..like teutonic plates, grinding each other down
[1:54] Zealot Benmergui: They need to be seen for what they are, and the choices they face us with need to be understood
[1:54] Zealot Benmergui: and not taken lightly, or at face value
[1:54] Zealot Benmergui: which is a suitably dramatic point to get business out of the way
[1:55] ***OE***: realisation is the key.. most don't have the insight nor knowlege to understand
[1:55] Zealot Benmergui: Remember I have monkeys to feed, so I accept tips paid to me dirrectly
[1:55] ***MM***: mmm bananas
[1:56] ***MM***: hey A
[1:56] ***AM***: hi ***AK***
[1:56] Zealot Benmergui: Our next lecture will be Monday (maybe moved to Sunday depending on my hours), and on the suggestion of our own dear Abs, it will be about Self Punishment in submissives

Subspace - 12/16/08

[2008/12/16 7:17] Pirate Russell: Please take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[2008/12/16 7:17] Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! As most of y'all know, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor. I have been in SL for 3 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[2008/12/16 7:17] Pirate Russell: For any that need to leave early, all transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2008/12/16 7:18] Pirate Russell: Today I will talk about Subspace.
[2008/12/16 7:18] Pirate Russell: I am a great expert in subspace since I have never experienced it so am not bound by reality! lol
[2008/12/16 7:18] Pirate Russell: I have, however, spoken to a great many subbies about it and read extensively
[2008/12/16 7:18] ***DH***: haha
[2008/12/16 7:18] Pirate Russell: I will speak about what I have learned in this way then hear what you have to say about your experiences with it
[2008/12/16 7:18] Pirate Russell: First, a definition:
[2008/12/16 7:18] Pirate Russell: Subspace is a physiological and physical state which includes an endorphin high and is like a hypnotic trance. It may be like a religious epiphany.
[2008/12/16 7:19] Pirate Russell: It is not the same as an "adrenaline high" or sexual pleasure and orgasm, though it can start out the same way.
[2008/12/16 7:19] Pirate Russell: Some subs I have talked to claim it is the real goal of their submission .. a kind of heaven for them
[2008/12/16 7:19] Pirate Russell: It is an extreme state of mind and body and requires extreme simulation to achieve it, at least early in the sub's D/s experience. BDSM practices can provide the sources and kinds of experience necessary to achieve subspace.
[2008/12/16 7:19] Pirate Russell: I have been told by very experienced subs in RL that one can learn to put oneself there with little stimulation after long practice. Perhaps like an experienced meditator can do.
[2008/12/16 7:20] Pirate Russell: This next part may be a bit more controversial.....
[2008/12/16 7:20] Pirate Russell: According to some sources Technically, subspace is being in a trance as the result of hormonal activity. This begins with adrenaline and continues with other endorphins, just as sexual arousal does.
[2008/12/16 7:20] Pirate Russell: At some point the body goes on the hormonal path to orgasm by slowing endorphin production as it produces a series of different hormones culminating in orgasm.
[2008/12/16 7:21] Pirate Russell: If the body's hormone production does not lead to orgasm, but endorphin production continues, trance and light forms of hallucination occur. This is "subspace". The person will seem silent, absentminded, "not on this planet".
[2008/12/16 7:21] Pirate Russell: This is not the same as the warm, dreamy after glow of an orgasm. From a biochemical point of view orgasm and subspace are different and a person experiences one or the other, not both together.
[2008/12/16 7:21] Pirate Russell: Some claim there are levels of subspace and other deny it.
[2008/12/16 7:22] Pirate Russell: Endorphins are produced by the body in many forms and act much like opiates on the body. They increase tolerance of pain, open the doors of perception, and at high levels makes one "intoxicated" as if on recreational drugs.
[2008/12/16 7:22] Pirate Russell: There is strong evidence that females have more capacity to experience subspace than males due to hormonal differences between the genders, but each person's genetic makeup is different and each will have a different hormonal nature.
[2008/12/16 7:22] Pirate Russell: Getting to subspace will even differ from one time to the next with a given individual because that person's physical and emotional state will be different.
[2008/12/16 7:23] Pirate Russell: Those in subspace are not able to care for themselves, they are intoxicated on their own hormones and must be carefully monitored and cared for by their Dominants.
[2008/12/16 7:23] Pirate Russell: These Dominants are also responsible for bringing the sub out of subspace and for aftercare to insure a soft and pleasant landing.
[2008/12/16 7:23] Pirate Russell: One very experienced "natural" submissive I know said, "A lot of the word 'aftercare' is designed around subspace and post-scene. When she comes 'out' of it, she is delirious nearly, like lost time but a sense of peace usually.
[2008/12/16 7:24] Pirate Russell: If she'd been tied in the scene it can be a bit scary as she tries to recall it all fully".
[2008/12/16 7:24] Pirate Russell: Those who have experienced subspace with proper care and aftercare say it is wonderful and there is nothing like it.
[2008/12/16 7:25] ***DH***: nods
[2008/12/16 7:25] Pirate Russell: I have heard and read descriptions that include words like: "Ecstasy", "euphoria", "flying", "melting away", "things are happening in slow motion", "brain fade", "only the moment exists", "a point of light", "extreme focus", "being lost in the Dominant".
[2008/12/16 7:26] Pirate Russell: Another has said to me, "Subspace to me, is getting lost in the moment, getting out of my head and into the feelings of the instant. It is surrendering and giving over control. It involves great trust.
[2008/12/16 7:26] Pirate Russell: If I want to get into subspace, I need to get past my head and let myself be taken over by the sensations of being dominated."
[2008/12/16 7:26] Pirate Russell: Citation: SUBSPACE, by Buster Norse ; DATE: (10/14/07) (A class taught right here at the College of Kink.)
[2008/12/16 7:27] Pirate Russell: All transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2008/12/16 7:27] Pirate Russell: College of Kink classes Monday, Tuesday & Thursday at 7am, Tuesday and Thursday @ 12:30a, and Friday 1p.
[2008/12/16 7:27] Pirate Russell: Y/you would always check the Search/Events and look for College
[2008/12/16 7:27] Pirate Russell: Questions, Comments, Experiences???
[2008/12/16 7:28] ***SS***: I can relate bad to no aftercare VS adequate aftercare
[2008/12/16 7:28] ***DH***: I don't get to sybspace through domination, onky through pain, and properly applied a
[2008/12/16 7:29] ***IM***: girl thinks the part about trust is important. Once something happens to frighten girl in subspace, it all becomes a nightmare.
[2008/12/16 7:29] ***SS***: bad or no aftercare, when you start to come down, you suddenly feel a hardcore drop, like what i have heard someone on crack or heroin experiences when they come off their drugs
[2008/12/16 7:30] ***DH***: warm sponge bathes are heavenly after care
[2008/12/16 7:30] Pirate Russell: Yes, even if not trust, if the Dominant has ANY shred of decency, They will not just drop you and leave!
[2008/12/16 7:30] ***BT***: this more like an out of body experience?
[2008/12/16 7:31] Pirate Russell: Not just aftercare, ***DH***.. ;-)
[2008/12/16 7:31] ***SS***: That drop happens regardless. But, with proper aftercare, the Dominant actually helps mentally, emotionally, and physically hold the submissive up and not crunch
[2008/12/16 7:31] ***DH***: lol, True pirate
[2008/12/16 7:31] ***4C***: ***BT***.. i think what you might be thinking of is what some subs called "flying"
[2008/12/16 7:32] Pirate Russell: As "only" a Cyber-Domme (I don't do BDSM in RL), I think I may have had a sub approach it once, in a scene.
[2008/12/16 7:33] ***DH***: not sure i could ever reach subspace on SL
[2008/12/16 7:33] ***4C***: for me.. subspace requires emotional connection..
[2008/12/16 7:33] ***DH***: trance state maybe
[2008/12/16 7:33] ***SS***: I have induced it in SL with some before
[2008/12/16 7:33] Pirate Russell: Well, the ones that get there thru domination, maybe...
[2008/12/16 7:33] ***DH***: Pirate,,,right, I need the pain componet
[2008/12/16 7:33] ***4C***: i could never reach it in r/l without that.. but.. with it i can reach it even online
[2008/12/16 7:34] ***SD***: Well, I have had experiences that make me feel as if I am lost and floating. I fthe is subspace then I guess I ahve experienced it.
[2008/12/16 7:34] ***SS***: And one was, in fact, a pain slut, one that normally could NEVER reach it without physical pain
[2008/12/16 7:34] Pirate Russell: It's hard for me to get to Dom(me) space, having to type, is too much 'reality' for Me
[2008/12/16 7:34] ***DH***: interesting...something to reach for then
[2008/12/16 7:35] ***SS***: Pirate, it's a matter of compartmentalizing
[2008/12/16 7:35] Pirate Russell: Yes, I understand, just havne't been able to, that much, yet
[2008/12/16 7:35] ***SD***: I feel you have to be taken there. I am not sure it is somethign I can ever feel without guidence
[2008/12/16 7:35] ***DH***: The thought of trying to type when there is hilarious
[2008/12/16 7:35] Pirate Russell: Exactly My point, he he
[2008/12/16 7:36] ***IM***: girl thinks when things start coming so fast that they can't all be handled, it's easier to get into subspace. And the mind can be busy with thoughts of pain, or just gazing into someone's eyes.
[2008/12/16 7:36] ***SS***: SL subspace, with ones i have induced it in,, seem to have the ability to type while in the state. Though they misspell a lot
[2008/12/16 7:37] ***DH***: i suppose we all relate to our own particular experience of the space..I can't even stand well on my own when there
[2008/12/16 7:37] Pirate Russell misspells ANYway! LOL
[2008/12/16 7:37] ***SS*** flogs Pirate's typist
[2008/12/16 7:38] Pirate Russell: Hehe
[2008/12/16 7:38] Pirate Russell: Be that as it may, before I knew of Subspace, I wondered if My girls were off in IM's and bored... he he
[2008/12/16 7:38] ***DH***: lol
[2008/12/16 7:39] ***IM*** laughs
[2008/12/16 7:39] ***SS***: I guess i was lucky to know it long before SL
[2008/12/16 7:39] Pirate Russell: Hey, I learn stuff here,too!
[2008/12/16 7:41] ***SS***: Just important to remember to keep in communication, and if they suddenly seem hard to reach, vacant, or "bored" Do not get huffy pussy and log out. When they come down, they are going to crash super hard
[2008/12/16 7:42] ***SS***: Shows you where my brain is. PUFFY, not pussy
[2008/12/16 7:42] ***DH***: lol
[2008/12/16 7:42] Pirate Russell: Nope, not My style, ***SS***, I just keep asking 'till they come back to Me, from either place! he he
[2008/12/16 7:42] ***IM***: As far as levels of subspace. girl has noticed a spectrum of subspace. Sort of like orgasms, some are all consuming and some are just sort of nice but blah.
[2008/12/16 7:43] ***DH***: exactly I brew
[2008/12/16 7:43] Pirate Russell: It cold even just be hands busy on their *puffies*!
[2008/12/16 7:43] ***SS***: Well, just like orgasms have different levels, so does subspace
[2008/12/16 7:43] ***4C***: i agree with that
[2008/12/16 7:43] ***IM*** nods
[2008/12/16 7:43] Pirate Russell: I NEVER feel anything the same way twice, in RL, Subspace would have to be the same way!
[2008/12/16 7:43] ***SS***: Male Doms in here, I have an easy way to relate. Did this to teach one guy and it was quite effective
[2008/12/16 7:44] ***SS***: Get hard, masturbate, and come near an orgasm. THEN, punch yourself hard 4-5 times in the balls. THAT is an equivalent to subdrop
[2008/12/16 7:44] ***4C***: i just wish more Doms truly understood the nature of subspace.. i've heard them say things like.. its just an excuse for us to abdicate responsibility for for taking care of ourselves
[2008/12/16 7:45] ***DH***: rotfl
[2008/12/16 7:45] Pirate Russell: hehe, I'll try that on Hubby tonight, ***SS***!
[2008/12/16 7:45] Pirate Russell: 4ngle, submission is that abdication of responsibility, he he, subpace is just a bonus!
[2008/12/16 7:45] ***DH***: any Domme who does not understand the needs of a sub after an intense scene, is not doing his duty, imho
[2008/12/16 7:46] ***SS***: For women, thing a rapid and short lived version of post partum depression
[2008/12/16 7:47] ***SS***: Combined with severe menstrual cramps
[2008/12/16 7:47] ***DH***: and welts
[2008/12/16 7:47] ***SS***: That is the best things i can relate subdrop to, for men and women
[2008/12/16 7:49] ***IM***: girl never notices when she goes into subspace, only after coming out of it.
[2008/12/16 7:49] ***DH***: subdrop canbe very depressing, but i don't think it needs tobe, with proper aftercare
[2008/12/16 7:50] ***SS***: Depressing and painful
[2008/12/16 7:50] ***DH***: it canbe very comforting and wonderfull
[2008/12/16 7:50] Pirate Russell: My girls, and casual partners are licky, I'm a Cuddle-Slut
[2008/12/16 7:50] ***DH***: yup
[2008/12/16 7:50] Pirate Russell: er lUcky
[2008/12/16 7:50] ***IM***: Can the drop happen slowly, girl had one event where she found herself in a near-limit situation and it slowly ate at her until it was nearly unbearable.
[2008/12/16 7:50] ***SS***: I'd hope they'd be licky too
[2008/12/16 7:51] ***IM***: girl had been in subspace, and it was like a bright intrusion that brought girl out over a period of several minutes.
[2008/12/16 7:51] ***IM***: It was horrible.
[2008/12/16 7:51] ***SS***: ***IM***, that's subcrash, totally different from Subspace
[2008/12/16 7:52] ***SS***: I've noticed in my own experiences something can jangle you out of subspace and into a hard crash. The Dominant's best bet is to IMMEDIATELY stop and apply aftercare to bouce you back up
[2008/12/16 7:54] ***SS***: Yes, that does mean sometimes play has to end. Sometimes though, it's just one odd little thing that caused it, and after getting some aftercare, they bouce back into subspace and can go back to scene
[2008/12/16 7:54] ***IM***: She did, and it worked, girl was fine. But when it happened it was very scary. girl felt like she was going crazy.
[2008/12/16 7:55] ***SS***: Like you were skiing down a gentle hill, then suddenly getting smacked into a tree?
[2008/12/16 7:55] Steel Shackle 1.14 (r forearm) whispers: Kiri gathers what's left of her energy to fight her Steel Shackle 1.14 (r forearm) some more...
[2008/12/16 7:55] Pirate Russell: That's what that Aftercare is FOR!
[2008/12/16 7:56] ***IM***: Oh, no. It was very slow, like an icepick being slowly pushed into girl's heart.
[2008/12/16 7:56] ***IM***: It just kept getting worse and worse.
[2008/12/16 7:56] ***SS***: Well, it can take different flavors
[2008/12/16 7:57] ***SS***: Just like all other things for human beings
[2008/12/16 7:57] Pirate Russell: But once I, er ***IM***'s Domme, found out, it ended and we went home and cuddled and talked when she was able
[2008/12/16 7:58] ***SS***: Just it's important to find some way to communicate there is something seriously wrong. Use your safeword, get the scene ended
[2008/12/16 7:58] ***SS***: Yes people, safewords are essential. EVEN for a slave
[2008/12/16 7:58] ***SS***: ESPECIALLY a slave
[2008/12/16 7:59] ***LT***: (waiting for all to rez)
[2008/12/16 7:59] ***IM***: It was hard to realize that something was wrong, at first.
[2008/12/16 7:59] ***DH***: takes awhile for the head to clear enough
[2008/12/16 7:59] ***SS***: That's that transition into subcrash ***IM***
[2008/12/16 7:59] ***SS***: It's like a drunk who smashes their hand
[2008/12/16 8:00] ***SS***: They don't even realize they did it at first, then the pain slowly seeps into their reality through the booze fog
[2008/12/16 8:00] ***IM***: It didn't feel like coming out of subspace, just like subspace turned into a bad place instead of a good place.
[2008/12/16 8:00] ***SS***: Aye. it's subcrash
[2008/12/16 8:00] ***DH***: I understand ***IM***...i have had similiar experiences
[2008/12/16 8:01] ***DH***: it isn't really the same as a crash
[2008/12/16 8:01] ***IM***: Oh, good. girl isn't crazy, then? hehe
[2008/12/16 8:01] ***DH***: something just switches
[2008/12/16 8:01] ***SS***: Either you come out into a droppy feeling in the middle, or things take on a twisted, funhouse mirror feel, just sick and wrong
[2008/12/16 8:01] ***DH***: and not really an ecent to put it on
[2008/12/16 8:01] ***DH***: event
[2008/12/16 8:02] ***IM*** nods. That's it, Miss.
[2008/12/16 8:02] ***DH***: but no matter the cause, it is then time for some aftercare
[2008/12/16 8:02] ***DH***: and tea
[2008/12/16 8:02] ***DH***: lol
[2008/12/16 8:02] Pirate Russell: And then girl can give Me that spongebath!
[2008/12/16 8:03] ***DH***: no, she needs the bath then
[2008/12/16 8:03] ***IM*** claps her hands and jumps up and down
[2008/12/16 8:03] Pirate Russell: What?!?!?! OOOOHHHH!!!!!!!
[2008/12/16 8:03] Pirate Russell: LOL
[2008/12/16 8:04] Pirate Russell: Who else has something to share?
[2008/12/16 8:04] ***SS***: well, who said one had to give it to the other? Can easily fit both in at the same time
[2008/12/16 8:04] ***IM***: mmmmm
[2008/12/16 8:05] ***DH***: I am pretty needy after an intense scene, and want to be taken care of,,,
[2008/12/16 8:05] ***DH***: i do plenty of care taking, that is my time
[2008/12/16 8:05] Pirate Russell: Not the intensely sought after simultanous mutual warm spongebath!?
[2008/12/16 8:06] ***DH***: that is fine,,,like cuddling,,,but if it requires much effort, I just don't have it at that point
[2008/12/16 8:06] Pirate Russell: Well, I am HAPPY to do the cuddling, as a few here can testify to....
[2008/12/16 8:06] ***SS***: ***DH***, that's kinda a mandatory thing. A Dominant that takes you in through the door of subspace then zips their fly and goes "Toodles, I gotta watch football" is the kind that can cause you to have severe problems
[2008/12/16 8:06] ***DH***: wheee
[2008/12/16 8:07] ***IM*** laughs
[2008/12/16 8:07] ***DH***: ***SS***,,,to true
[2008/12/16 8:07] Pirate Russell: Not can, ***SS***, ALREADY DO!
[2008/12/16 8:07] ***IM***: Andrew Dice Clay school of Domination.
[2008/12/16 8:07] ***DH***: lol
[2008/12/16 8:07] ***DH***: and way to many ou there
[2008/12/16 8:07] ***DH***: out
[2008/12/16 8:08] Pirate Russell: Especialy in SL, there are far too many Dominants (usually male) that use BDSM for an 'easy' piece of ass
[2008/12/16 8:08] ***DH***: but i really won't reach supspace until I have a deep trust in the person, so by then I know how they will care for me after
[2008/12/16 8:08] Pirate Russell: That causes a LOT of new subbies to leave SL or the lifestyle
[2008/12/16 8:08] ***SS***: Aye.
[2008/12/16 8:09] ***IM***: It must be a lot of work for a Dom/me to get their subbies to trust them that much.
[2008/12/16 8:09] Pirate Russell: Hmmm the new lie to go with "I won't come in your mouth" & "The check's in the mail"! "Honest, I'll hold you after I beat the hell outta you"
[2008/12/16 8:09] ***SS***: ***IM***, sometimes it takes every waking second to work on that trust
[2008/12/16 8:10] Pirate Russell: And once We've earned it We need to KEEP EARNING it!
[2008/12/16 8:10] ***DH***: ***IM***,,,, why?
[2008/12/16 8:10] ***SS***: You forgot "Of course i won't shove that up your ass"
[2008/12/16 8:10] Pirate Russell: heh, yeap!
[2008/12/16 8:11] ***IM***: why?
[2008/12/16 8:11] ***DH***: I think if you try to jump into an intense scene with one you don't know, trust is difficult,,but you build it over a bit of time
[2008/12/16 8:11] ***IM***: girl has been hurt, as girl suspects many subbies have. It's not easy to trust someone who is going to take you to altered states of mind.
[2008/12/16 8:12] ***SS***: ***IM***, if we do not continually prove ourselves as true, the trust gained can be lost, either in drips and drabs, or suddenly
[2008/12/16 8:12] ***IJ***: certainly not something to do on the first 'date'
[2008/12/16 8:12] ***DH***: noooo
[2008/12/16 8:13] Pirate Russell: Unless that's your scene, and there's SOMEone there you trust.
[2008/12/16 8:13] ***SS***: And intense COMMUNICATION before and after the scene
[2008/12/16 8:14] Pirate Russell: MMhmmm
[2008/12/16 8:14] Pirate Russell: Anyway, we're running long, and I'll be doing this class again Friday @ 1!
[2008/12/16 8:15] ***SS***: Yes, even that hot lil hoochie momma you pick up on members day to play with, you need to communicate with them
[2008/12/16 8:15] ***DH***: Thank you, this was a good discussion
[2008/12/16 8:15] ***KC***: thank You so much again Miss Pirate for an awesome discussion