The Repsonsibility of Dominance - 7/17/09

[2009/07/17 12:21] Pirate Russell: Let's get this train wreck going!
[2009/07/17 12:21] Pirate Russell: Ok, T/those that will, please turn off any radars, MystiTools, etc.
[2009/07/17 12:22] Pirate Russell: Please take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[2009/07/17 12:22] Pirate Russell: And if you need to leave, please just TP quietly, don't disrupt class
[2009/07/17 12:22] Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! As most of y'all know, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor. I have been in SL over 3 1/2 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[2009/07/17 12:22] Pirate Russell: For any that need to leave early, all transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2009/07/17 12:23] Pirate Russell: O/our topic today: The Repsonsibility of Dominance
[2009/07/17 12:23] Pirate Russell: I would like to preface this with My usual, EVERY releationship is as different as those that are in it.
[2009/07/17 12:23] Pirate Russell: I used to say the two that are in it, but relationships now include more than two, but I won't go so far as to include the occasional farm animal, though.
[2009/07/17 12:23] ***SS*** giggles
[2009/07/17 12:23] Pirate Russell: Dominants have responsibilities and, yes rules, too!
[2009/07/17 12:24] Pirate Russell: The Highest Honour That A Dominant Could Ever Achieve Is The State Of Honour Itself. To Be Completely Respected And Trusted.
[2009/07/17 12:24] Pirate Russell: There Are Some Definite Guidelines About Being A Dominant. With The Ever Growing Population Of "Chatrooms" There Appears To Be A Lot Of Confusion About The Dominants Role In The "Online" Lifestyle.
[2009/07/17 12:24] Pirate Russell: The Foundation Of The Dominant Are Based On 3 Li'l Words:
[2009/07/17 12:24] Pirate Russell: Trust
[2009/07/17 12:24] Pirate Russell: Honour
[2009/07/17 12:25] Pirate Russell: Respect
[2009/07/17 12:25] Pirate Russell: Each Dominant Should Be Able To Display Chararistics Of These Words, Both "Online" As Well As Offline.
[2009/07/17 12:25] Pirate Russell: The Power Exchange Is About Trust Can You Trust Someone Who Dismisses Your Feelings Even In An "Online" Relationship.
[2009/07/17 12:25] Pirate Russell: Playing In Other Chats Or Instant Messengers, Secretly Accepting Other "submissives" All The While He Is Claiming He Is "Trustworthy"?
[2009/07/17 12:25] Pirate Russell: Is It Acceptable For A Dominant To Hide "Online" Things From His submissive?
[2009/07/17 12:25] Pirate Russell: Especially If They Plan On A Real Time Meeting Or Relationship? If They Hiding Things Here, Wonders What They are going to Hide From You RL.
[2009/07/17 12:26] Pirate Russell: One Of The Things A submissive Must Have Is The Confidence In Their Dominant Will Not Harm Them Nor Allow Harm To Come To Them.
[2009/07/17 12:26] Pirate Russell: Trust Must Be Established. This Goes For The Mental Health As Well As The Physical Aspect Of The Relationship.
[2009/07/17 12:26] Pirate Russell: Trust Will Grow As We Respect And Honour Each Other. Please Get To Know The Person You Are Considering To Be In A Relationship With.
[2009/07/17 12:27] Pirate Russell: You Are Trusting Someone With The Most Precious Thing You Have...Your LIFE. You Can Quickly End Up In A Situation That Is Neither Safe, Sane, Nor Consensual.
[2009/07/17 12:27] Pirate Russell: Can You Really Trust Your Life To Someone who Takes No Value Of The Words Trust, Honour & Respect?
[2009/07/17 12:27] Pirate Russell: According to Rules for Masters by Jack Rinella <>
[2009/07/17 12:27] Pirate Russell: 1. Have some rules. Over time, of course, each one of us gains insight into what works and what doesn't. Some of this wisdom is codified into rules.
[2009/07/17 12:27] Pirate Russell: Rules are protective, instructive, and helpful. Having rules means that you know yourself, know what you want and don't want, and understand that everyone, including yourself, has limits.
[2009/07/17 12:28] Pirate Russell: I know some people think they have no limits. They are fooling themselves as we are all constrained by physical nature, economic considerations, legal issues, and moral and ethical realities.
[2009/07/17 12:28] Pirate Russell: We are all limited by the rose colored glasses through which we see the world. Rules help us respect those limits and avoid the trouble that is encountered when we exceed them.
[2009/07/17 12:28] Pirate Russell: 2. Make sure those rules are your rules. You can't (well you can if you want) just go out and find some rules and use them.
[2009/07/17 12:28] Pirate Russell: Rules must take their life from who you are. Rules must reflect the authentic you. If they don't, they will be burdensome and unenforceable.
[2009/07/17 12:28] Pirate Russell: Good rules, then, start from the first rule of life: "Know thyself." I guess I would then temper that with "Love, and then do whatever you will." That doesn't mean that you can't borrow or copy another's rules. By all means do so.
[2009/07/17 12:29] Pirate Russell: There is no reason to reinvent the wheel. If Master so and so has a reason for doing something and you like it, then do it too. Just make sure the rules resonate with who you are and what you want.
[2009/07/17 12:29] Pirate Russell: I can not be too strong in emphasizing the importance of the inner self in this arena of rule-making column.
[2009/07/17 12:29] Pirate Russell: 3. Don't make brittle rules. Rules are helpful because they add clarity and facilitate decision making. Rules cut in stone become millstones and anchors.
[2009/07/17 12:29] Pirate Russell: Now I have nothing against either of those things as we need to grind grain and anchor boats,
[2009/07/17 12:30] Pirate Russell: but if you think you can run your dungeon, your slave, or your life by a set of rules that are set in concrete or carved in granite, then you are kidding yourself.
[2009/07/17 12:30] Pirate Russell: Better than a long list of rules, one might have a list of principles, guidelines for action. Certainly they may lend themselves to codification, but the spirit of the principle is much more important than the letter of the law.
[2009/07/17 12:30] Pirate Russell: The Sabbath, after all, was made for man, not man for the Sabbath. Besides, there are always going to be exceptions and no amount of rule writing is going to cover all the possibilities.
[2009/07/17 12:31] Pirate Russell: Unless you're the US Congress... h ehe
[2009/07/17 12:31] Pirate Russell: 4. Communicate those rules. It's obvious that we need to communicate rules to slaves so that they obey them. The same goes for rules for ourselves.
[2009/07/17 12:31] Pirate Russell: Over time, I tell my applicants my rules and explain why I have them. I won't, for instance, let a subissive write and talk endlessly.
[2009/07/17 12:31] Pirate Russell: He has got to show up at my doorstep within 6-8 weeks of our initial meeting. Why? Because I'm not into cybersex.
[2009/07/17 12:31] Pirate Russell: ((Remember this is a RL Dom, not Me... he he))
[2009/07/17 12:31] Pirate Russell: Are there exceptions? Sure. The date can be extended for lots of reasons, but the communication will be curtailed until the plane ticket is bought. It's simply a matter that if you're not ready, then please don't act like you are.
[2009/07/17 12:32] Pirate Russell: Communicating your rules has some nice benefits.
[2009/07/17 12:32] Pirate Russell: It shows you are in control, that you have an understanding of what you want and don't want, and that you've thought about being a Master.
[2009/07/17 12:32] Pirate Russell: It also gives the submissive a sense of security to know that you have rules too, such as "I will not have un-safe sex." Now he knows he doesn't have to worry about one thing anyway.
[2009/07/17 12:32] Pirate Russell: 5. Remember man, that thou art dust; or get real. These Doms who think the world revolves around them need to think again.
[2009/07/17 12:32] Pirate Russell: One more thing on communication.
[2009/07/17 12:33] Pirate Russell: If you don't ask for what you want (ie. by putting stuff in the rules), how will a subby, especially in SL, know what you want or expect?
[2009/07/17 12:33] Pirate Russell: Humility is a still a virtue, even in a person who wields great power. Being in control doesn't that mean that a person needs to be haughty, egotistical, or obnoxious.
[2009/07/17 12:34] Pirate Russell: If you are truly a person born to rule, then you have no need to put on airs. Pretense smells. Honesty, sincerity, and generosity have quite a different odor about them.
[2009/07/17 12:34] Pirate Russell: There's also a side of this rule that involves practicality. Your rules need to be pragmatic, workable, reasonable, measurable, and enforceable.
[2009/07/17 12:34] Pirate Russell: If they aren't, they will be honored only in the breaking and you will be seen as living in a fantasy world. It's one thing, of course, to have a rule for a weekend scene, quite another to have a rule for living out the rest of your life.
[2009/07/17 12:34] Pirate Russell: 6. Stay above it. Just because the world is going to hell in a hand basket is no reason for you to do the same. Have high standards and stick to them.
[2009/07/17 12:35] Pirate Russell: 7. Set benchmarks and progress points. A person becomes a doctor through a long and arduous series of learning experiences and tests that prove the experiences have had their desired effect.
[2009/07/17 12:35] Pirate Russell: Each passing grade through high school, college, and med school contributes to the eventual M.D. Each evaluation, and not any single one, grants a person his or her license to practice medicine.
[2009/07/17 12:35] Pirate Russell: It is no different for plumbers, electricians, or anyone else who wishes to acquire skill and standing.
[2009/07/17 12:35] Pirate Russell: As you evaluate prospective slaves, recognize that this is a process and note their success or failure at each step of the way.
[2009/07/17 12:36] Pirate Russell: Too often we want to jump to a full-blown contract while what are required are small steps and a gradual process.
[2009/07/17 12:36] Pirate Russell: Heat milk quickly and it scalds, heat it slowly and it comes out just right.
[2009/07/17 12:36] Pirate Russell: Running evaluations are helpful to everyone. Rules, after all, are meant to be helpful, indicative of reality.
[2009/07/17 12:37] Pirate Russell: 8. Don't talk it all to death. submissives, if you want no more than phone and cyber sex, then keep talking. If you want real leather, you have to get physical.
[2009/07/17 12:37] Pirate Russell: We are, after all, trying to develop real relationships. If I'm never going to meet you, I'm never going to be your master. You can pretend all you want on the phone.
[2009/07/17 12:37] Pirate Russell: It might even get you off. But one of my rules is that until you've shaken hands, you haven't met. Until I can look at you eye to eye, eat a meal with you, and hear your voice without the benefit of wires or radio waves, it's just a prelude and nothing mo
[2009/07/17 12:37] Pirate Russell: 9. Take responsibility. First and foremost you, top or bottom, are responsible for the consequences of your actions. Recognize that fact. Act responsibly. You are the one, after all, who wants to be in control.
[2009/07/17 12:38] Pirate Russell: 10. When a person says one thing and does another, I always listen to what they do. That advice has stood me in good stead. I hope it does the same for you.
[2009/07/17 12:38] Pirate Russell: I'd like to wind up today's talk with the Seven Pillars of Dominance:
[2009/07/17 12:38] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant is a ruler, but never a tyrant. But to rule requires understanding, and understanding requires humility.
[2009/07/17 12:38] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant has pride, but never arrogance. But pride requires dignity, and dignity requires humility.
[2009/07/17 12:39] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant commands respect, but never fear. But respect requires serenity, and serenity requires humility.
[2009/07/17 12:39] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant employs strength, but never force. But strength requires knowledge, and knowledge requires humility.
[2009/07/17 12:39] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant criticizes, but never derides. But criticism requires insight, and insight requires humility.
[2009/07/17 12:39] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant receives, but never takes. But receiving requires giving, and giving requires humility.
[2009/07/17 12:39] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant completes, but never tries to alter. But to complete one must be able to see what is there, not what is missing, and this most of all requires humility.
[2009/07/17 12:40] Pirate Russell: In short, to use an archaic phrase, noblesse oblige.
[2009/07/17 12:40] Pirate Russell: The Dictionnaire de l’Académie française defines it thus: "Whoever claims to be noble must conduct himself nobly."
[2009/07/17 12:41] Pirate Russell: And the most important consideration. If a Dominant is the centre of a submissive's universe, it is because she thinks so, not because He does.
[2009/07/17 12:41] Pirate Russell: No one is respected, let alone obeyed, just because. The truth of the matter is that owning is at least as much work as being owned.
[2009/07/17 12:41] Pirate Russell: All transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2009/07/17 12:41] Pirate Russell: College of Kink classes Monday, Tuesday & Friday @ 12:00pm.
[2009/07/17 12:42] Pirate Russell: Y/you could always check the Search/Events and look for College.
[2009/07/17 12:42] ***SS*** applauds
[2009/07/17 12:42] ***SS***: thank you Miss
[2009/07/17 12:42] Pirate Russell: Questions, Comments??
[2009/07/17 12:42] ***LC***: I have one if you don't mind
[2009/07/17 12:43] Pirate Russell: Absolutely!
[2009/07/17 12:43] Pirate Russell: This is My fave part of the class, I get to learn from y'all!
[2009/07/17 12:43] ***LC***: last night my sub out of no where say to me he LOVE ME what do i do with that?
[2009/07/17 12:44] Pirate Russell: Well, that's a toughie, cuz I'm IN Love with My girls.....
[2009/07/17 12:44] ***SS***: with respect, I would consider it a gift
[2009/07/17 12:44] ***SS***: a slave/sub should love her/his Master/Mistress
[2009/07/17 12:44] ***LC***: :)
[2009/07/17 12:44] Pirate Russell: at the very least, he likes what you do to him!
[2009/07/17 12:44] ***LC***: ty
[2009/07/17 12:45] Pirate Russell: Remember, you want submissives to do what you want them to, because *THEY WANT TO DO IT*!
[2009/07/17 12:45] Pirate Russell: If they love you, you got that battle won!
[2009/07/17 12:46] ***LC***: ty
[2009/07/17 12:47] Pirate Russell: Like I said, "You're the centre of his universe, cuz he thinks so, not because YOU do!"
[2009/07/17 12:47] ***SS*** nods
[2009/07/17 12:48] Pirate Russell: Ok, who's next, anyone else?
[2009/07/17 12:49] Pirate Russell: Going once?
[2009/07/17 12:49] ***JN***: i am curous will you be doing a class on the ethics and morality of the Dom / Domme some time soon
[2009/07/17 12:49] Pirate Russell: yes...
[2009/07/17 12:49] Pirate Russell: Hmmm...
[2009/07/17 12:50] Pirate Russell: Good one!
[2009/07/17 12:50] Pirate Russell: This sounds bad, but.... I'll have to do some research on that, I'm away next fri and Monday, so it'll be august at the earliest
[2009/07/17 12:51] ***JN***: aint no rush like i said i was curious seems many skip those points
[2009/07/17 12:51] Pirate Russell: Next Monday, I'm doing exhibitionism and voyeurism, then we'll have a Tuesday class at noon, then nothing 'till the following Tues
[2009/07/17 12:51] Pirate Russell: Something I've missed, actually, I will look into it, for ya
[2009/07/17 12:51] ***SS***: rats, wish I didn't have to work on Monday
[2009/07/17 12:52] ***SS***: those are two of my primary kinks
[2009/07/17 12:52] ***SS***: lol
[2009/07/17 12:52] ***JN***: thank you
[2009/07/17 12:52] Pirate Russell: Now, sweet, it gets worse....... I use visual aids!
[2009/07/17 12:52] ***SS***: ohh
[2009/07/17 12:52] ***SS***: yummy
[2009/07/17 12:52] ***SS***: feel free to use the piccie I gave ya
[2009/07/17 12:52] ***SS*** giggles
[2009/07/17 12:52] Pirate Russell: he he
[2009/07/17 12:52] ***DT***: <--has lots of mirrors ...i guess i am both
[2009/07/17 12:53] ***SS*** grins at Derek
[2009/07/17 12:53] Pirate Russell: Only if you walk around naked! LOL
[2009/07/17 12:53] ***JN***: i am neither lol
[2009/07/17 12:53] Pirate Russell: I'm gonna close class with My favorite BDSM joke!
[2009/07/17 12:53] ***DT***: not always lookin like this Pirate...at home it de rigeur
[2009/07/17 12:53] ***SS***: naked is good
[2009/07/17 12:53] Pirate Russell: he he
[2009/07/17 12:53] ***SS***: hehe same here
[2009/07/17 12:53] Pirate Russell: A masochist walked up to a sadist and said, "Hurt me".
[2009/07/17 12:54] Pirate Russell: The Sadist said, "No!" and walked away
[2009/07/17 12:54] ***SS***: lol
[2009/07/17 12:54] ***SS***: agg I'd die
[2009/07/17 12:54] ***JN***: lol
[2009/07/17 12:54] ***DT***: lol
[2009/07/17 12:54] ***LC***: lo.l
[2009/07/17 12:54] Pirate Russell: Class dismissed, for all the missed the start, it'll be up at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2009/07/17 12:55] ***SS***: thank you!
[2009/07/17 12:55] Pirate Russell: eep... all that missed the start
[2009/07/17 12:55] ***DT***: bows head hiding
[2009/07/17 12:55] ***LC***: thank you

A Female's Guide To Male Dominance - 7/14/09

[12:09] Dominic Rahja: welcome all to the college of kink
[12:10] Dominic Rahja: as usual I start with some copied text
[12:10] Dominic Rahja: this is to start a discussion
[12:11] Dominic Rahja: a few simple and basic rules first
[12:11] Dominic Rahja: if you gota question or remark..do type an @
[12:11] Dominic Rahja: that way I know you wanta turn
[12:11] Dominic Rahja: and I wait for you
[12:11] Dominic Rahja: I call your name
[12:12] Dominic Rahja: its handy to type a # soon u stopped typing
[12:12] ***LC*** feels these rules weird...
[12:12] Dominic Rahja: allright
[12:12] ***NZ***: lol
[12:12] ***JZ***: but effective
[12:12] ***NZ***: nods
[12:13] Dominic Rahja: topic today got a lot to do with female subs looking for a guy to be their master
[12:13] Dominic Rahja: but..
[12:13] Dominic Rahja: it aint that easy
[12:13] ***JZ***: no kidding
[12:13] Dominic Rahja: surely u can drop on your knees to the first who tells you hes a master
[12:14] Dominic Rahja: but I dont think thats very wise
[12:14] Dominic Rahja: btw, not only I am slow, so is the chat lag
[12:15] Dominic Rahja: when my sentences dont come out in the right order, call the lindens
[12:16] Dominic Rahja: one of the issues lots of female subs went through is the huge amount of fake masters
[12:16] Dominic Rahja: and after a while you might even get tired seeking one
[12:17] Dominic Rahja: therws hope..there are mistresses too
[12:17] Dominic Rahja: laffs
[12:17] ***MS***: lol
[12:17] Dominic Rahja: what I am going to present you, is the so called acid test
[12:17] Dominic Rahja: I copy text to you which is not written by Me
[12:18] Dominic Rahja: its written by a female sub
[12:18] Dominic Rahja: and it surely is good text
[12:18] Dominic Rahja: but mainly, its food for discussion
[12:18] Dominic Rahja: ok, here it comes
[12:18] Dominic Rahja: The term 'Acid Test' is an old prospecting term.
[12:19] Dominic Rahja: A powerful acid can dissolve most base metals in a matter of minutes.
[12:19] Dominic Rahja: Gold however, will stand up to most acids.
[12:19] Dominic Rahja: The 'Acid Test' was an easy way for people to make sure they had a real nugget of gold and not a lump of the 'fool's' variety.
[12:19] Dominic Rahja: In the same way, these tests are meant to be quick ways to identify fake Doms.
[12:19] Dominic Rahja: Passing all these tests is no guarantee either.
[12:20] Dominic Rahja: There is no replacement for getting to know your prospective partner as well as possible BEFORE YOU EVEN MEET IN PERSON.
[12:20] Dominic Rahja: Most of these tests are designed for a submissive female trying to sort through men claiming to be Doms online.
[12:21] Dominic Rahja: Thse tests are best for ferreting out male fakes.
[12:21] Dominic Rahja: Vanilla males are usually after 'easy sex' and this motive makes them easier to identify than a lot of the fake Doms out there.
[12:21] Pirate Russell: @
[12:22] Dominic Rahja: ok..here comes the acid test itself
[12:22] Dominic Rahja: yes Pirate
[12:22] Pirate Russell: The "easy sex" test helps find Dommes being run by Males, too!
[12:22] Dominic Rahja: haa
[12:22] Dominic Rahja: yes it does
[12:22] ***LC*** smiles
[12:22] Dominic Rahja: doesnt matter what avie they got, a male is a male
[12:23] Pirate Russell: Ain't that the trufff...
[12:23] Dominic Rahja: for sure its a fact that many males use a female mistress avie form for what reason
[12:23] Dominic Rahja: but thats another subject
[12:23] Dominic Rahja: ok
[12:24] Dominic Rahja: the test
[12:24] Dominic Rahja: Step One: Do the Math
[12:24] Dominic Rahja: Various estimates and surveys have placed the ratio of true (i.e., natural) male sexual Dominants to female sexual submissives at about one to ten.
[12:24] Dominic Rahja: However, a quick count in any given D/s oriented chat room would lead you to believe that male Doms outnumber the subs at about two to one.
[12:25] Dominic Rahja: btw this about all chat rooms in general
[12:25] Dominic Rahja: in sl the numbers are a little different
[12:25] Dominic Rahja: Now if there is actually only one male Dom for every ten female subs, that means that 19 out of the 20 "Doms" you see online HAVE TO BE FAKES.
[12:26] Dominic Rahja: Keep this in mind. there is a 95% chance that any man you talk to online claiming to be a Dom is no such thing.
[12:26] Dominic Rahja: This leads us to our first rule, a rule that all statisticians and scientists already know by heart: "When in doubt, throw it out!"
[12:26] Dominic Rahja: Your search for a suitable Dominant partner (especially if you are seeking a serious long term relationship as well) could easily take years.
[12:27] Dominic Rahja: That's hardly surprising, most people spend years looking for that special lover, be they 'vanilla' or otherwise.
[12:27] Dominic Rahja: Don't be disheartened by all these drastic ratios.
[12:27] Dominic Rahja: BUT DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME either.
[12:28] Dominic Rahja: If any of the prospects you are chatting with online makes you feel uncomfortable for any reason, drop him. Don't give him 'three strikes' or 'extra chances to win.'
[12:28] Dominic Rahja: Block out his screen-name and move on.
[12:28] Dominic Rahja: There was only a one in twenty chance he was legitimate anyway.
[12:28] Dominic Rahja: Trust your instincts!
[12:28] Dominic Rahja: btw...
[12:29] Dominic Rahja: like I said, the text is not written by Me, but good for discussion
[12:29] Dominic Rahja: Step Two: Know Your Enemy
[12:29] Dominic Rahja: We call them Snerts.
[12:29] Dominic Rahja: We call them HNG's (Horny Net Geeks).
[12:29] Dominic Rahja: We call them Wannabes.
[12:30] Dominic Rahja: We call them Control Freaks.
[12:30] Dominic Rahja: Sometimes, tragically, we even find some that can only be called rapists and predators.
[12:30] Dominic Rahja: They are all your ENEMY.
[12:30] Dominic Rahja: Don't bother thinking they are anything less.
[12:30] Dominic Rahja: Even a more or less well meaning Snert can land you in a hospital.
[12:31] Dominic Rahja: Sexual Dominance and submission is not for dilettantes or amateurs: Not, now, and never!
[12:31] Dominic Rahja: Even if he turns out to be a more or less nice guy, if he's not a Dom, he's not going to give you what you really need.
[12:31] Dominic Rahja: He will likely give you many things you don't (like medical bills and other assorted headaches).
[12:31] Dominic Rahja: hehe
[12:31] Dominic Rahja: Snerts
[12:31] Dominic Rahja: Snerts are basically looking for easy sex.
[12:32] Dominic Rahja: They are counting on the (highly inaccurate) assumption that sexual submissives are simply 'easy lays.'
[12:32] Dominic Rahja: Nothing could be farther from the truth, but that doesn't deter them at all.
[12:32] Dominic Rahja: They are typically middle aged to somewhat older men.
[12:32] Dominic Rahja: They are often married.
[12:33] Dominic Rahja: They are usually trying to bolster their flagging vanilla sex lives with some casual screwing around.
[12:33] Dominic Rahja: They target submissives because they think that they won't make demands on there sexual prowess (another bad assumption).
[12:33] Dominic Rahja: They can be easily spotted because they almost always demand or at least emphasize sexual intercourse being a part of their 'scenes.'
[12:33] Dominic Rahja: btw..
[12:33] Dominic Rahja: ask their time zones
[12:34] Dominic Rahja: when they always come online after midnight, their wives gone to bed
[12:34] Dominic Rahja: laffs
[12:34] Dominic Rahja: The HNG (Horny Net Geek)
[12:34] Dominic Rahja: HNG's are usually the most harmless (and yet often the most annoying) of the enemy types.
[12:35] Dominic Rahja: Most are teenagers and young men looking for some quick cyber-sex or even phone-sex.
[12:35] Dominic Rahja: They are usually pretty sophisticated about there D/s jargon and the 'scenes' they describe to you can be pretty elaborate.
[12:36] Dominic Rahja: Geeks do their homework.
[12:36] Dominic Rahja: They scour the porno sites for ideas, and hang out in D/s chats for hours on end learning the 'lingo.'
[12:36] Dominic Rahja: The are most easily spotted because they want to move on to cyber-sex and phone sex very quickly.
[12:36] ***LC***: @
[12:37] Dominic Rahja: yes ***LC***
[12:37] ***LC***: I'm wondering if good Doms couldn't have started being HNG's ?#
[12:37] Dominic Rahja: that might be possible of course
[12:38] Dominic Rahja: but usually these guys are not interested in taking responsibilities
[12:38] Dominic Rahja: in a minute I tell you a true story
[12:38] Dominic Rahja: They like to offer online collars, and spend hours on end in chat rooms 'playing' with their 'subbies.' Don't waste your time with them.
[12:39] Dominic Rahja: ok...between the lines
[12:39] Dominic Rahja: years ago in another chat room I had this friend
[12:39] Dominic Rahja: she was an over 30 single woman in the usa
[12:39] Dominic Rahja: and online she found this master
[12:40] Dominic Rahja: he was good at it
[12:40] Dominic Rahja: and she fell in love with him
[12:40] Dominic Rahja: they played online with 3d avatars like here in sl
[12:40] Dominic Rahja: but they never voiced
[12:40] Dominic Rahja: or called
[12:40] Dominic Rahja: she was about to visit him in England
[12:41] Dominic Rahja: untill
[12:41] Dominic Rahja: she suddenly got a phone call from a boarding school
[12:41] ***MS***: oh my, this couldn't have ended well.
[12:41] Dominic Rahja: his teachers found out he was cybering
[12:41] Dominic Rahja: he was a 12 yo boy
[12:42] Dominic Rahja: she was devestated u can imagine
[12:42] ***LC***: omg ! such a precoce lil Dom !
[12:42] Dominic Rahja: but keep in mind that kids are good players
[12:42] Dominic Rahja: always check as much as you can
[12:42] Dominic Rahja: ok
[12:43] Dominic Rahja: on with the acid test
[12:43] Dominic Rahja: Control Freaks
[12:43] Dominic Rahja: The second most dangerous type of enemy is the Control Freak.
[12:43] Dominic Rahja: Control freaks are what most psychologists and therapists call 'controlling personalities.'
[12:43] Dominic Rahja: They are the type of person that wants to be in control of everything around them.
[12:44] Dominic Rahja: They want all their family and friends to behave exactly as they say.
[12:44] Dominic Rahja: They are extremely manipulative people.
[12:44] Dominic Rahja: These men can be dangerous because many really have convinced themselves that they are Dominants as a justify their dysfunctional lives.
[12:44] Dominic Rahja: Many inexperienced submissives may find themselves 'naturally' attracted to these men because outwardly they seem so 'in command' of things all the time.
[12:45] Dominic Rahja: The truly ironic (and sad) thing is, a controlling personality is actually the closest thing to the OPPOSITE of a sexual Dominant.
[12:45] Dominic Rahja: Controls Freaks can be spotted because they often talk about 'taking care of you' and also 'knowing what's best for you'.
[12:45] Dominic Rahja: They almost always try to play on your emotions; especially guilt.
[12:46] Dominic Rahja: They also usually criticize and even resent the advice you get from other people.
[12:46] Dominic Rahja: They often talk about 24/7 D/s relationships without going into any details about what kind of actual scenes they play
[12:46] Dominic Rahja: They are fond of telling you that they prefer the 'mental aspect' of Domination and submission.
[12:46] Dominic Rahja: They tend to be both demanding and argumentative.
[12:47] Dominic Rahja: Nothing you do will ever be 'quite right.'
[12:47] Dominic Rahja: While all this may seem very repulsive and easy to avoid, be on your guard, the average control freak often seems very charming initially.
[12:47] Dominic Rahja: Once they have their 'hooks' into you its very hard to get untangled.
[12:47] Dominic Rahja: ok
[12:47] Dominic Rahja: now a real bad group
[12:48] Dominic Rahja: prolly a small minority, but an exsisting one
[12:48] Dominic Rahja: Rapists and Predators
[12:48] Dominic Rahja: The last and most dangerous type of enemy is the rapist or predator.
[12:48] Dominic Rahja: These are the men most likely to damage or even end your life.
[12:49] Dominic Rahja: The truly frightening thing about these evil men it that there is NO easy way to spot them.
[12:49] Dominic Rahja: Rapists can be anything from bums to bank mangers, and anyone from family members to total strangers.
[12:49] Dominic Rahja: One in four women has suffered an attack from this vile creature, and one in seven men as well!
[12:49] Dominic Rahja: There motive is violence.
[12:49] Dominic Rahja: The best defence is never make yourself too vulnerable.
[12:50] Dominic Rahja: To defend yourself from predators, learn all the in's and out's of setting up a good Safety Net.
[12:50] Dominic Rahja: Follow these procedures religiously.
[12:50] Dominic Rahja: Most important of all TAKE YOUR TIME getting to know your prospective play partners
[12:50] Dominic Rahja: This is good advice in any case. If you know your partner well, you're more likely to have a good time with him (because you will feel more comfortable during that first Scene).
[12:51] Dominic Rahja: Predators are more likely to move on in search of easy prey, they do tend to be impulsive.
[12:51] Dominic Rahja: If a 'Dom' you have been talking too suddenly seems to loose interest in you after a period of time, you may have just saved your own life.
[12:51] Dominic Rahja: Don't go chasing after anybody. A true Dom doesn't need to play 'hard to get.'
[12:52] Dominic Rahja: this was a list of: enemies
[12:52] Dominic Rahja: ok
[12:52] Dominic Rahja: maybe u ask yourself: where are the good guys in this?
[12:52] Dominic Rahja: but this is about the risks involved when your not careful ennuf
[12:53] Dominic Rahja: surely there are a lot of good Doms
[12:53] Dominic Rahja: but nevertheless a lot of freaks
[12:53] Dominic Rahja: Step 3: Know your goal!
[12:53] Dominic Rahja: Take the time to figure out what you want.
[12:53] Dominic Rahja: It's often hard for newbie subs to do this because sometimes they lack knowledge of what choices are available to them.
[12:54] Dominic Rahja: . ARM YOURSELF WITH KNOWLEDGE!!!
[12:54] Dominic Rahja: here are many fine publications, books, and internet websites that cater to sexual submissives, so start reading!
[12:54] Dominic Rahja: Learn about the different types of play and how they should be conducted.
[12:54] Dominic Rahja: Learn everything you can about how to set up a Safety Net.
[12:55] Dominic Rahja: Learn all the do's and don'ts of meeting others and playing safely.
[12:55] Dominic Rahja: Decide what your limits are and set them down on paper.
[12:55] Dominic Rahja: This may seem like a lot of homework to do in the name of fun, but also keep in mind that that it's your ASS that's (literally) on the line here.
[12:55] Dominic Rahja: Know what a real Dom acts like. Remember, you are probably a sexual submissive because you ARE in control the rest of the time.
[12:55] Dominic Rahja: You are strong! Likely even ambitious as well.
[12:56] Dominic Rahja: You have a career, or goals, or a lifestyle that demands this high level of energy and control.
[12:56] Dominic Rahja: Giving away your control can be a beautiful respite from everyday life.
[12:56] Dominic Rahja: Your power and energy is something you only want to give to someone you trust, and in intimate situations at that.
[12:56] Dominic Rahja: It's a very personal thing to you!
[12:57] Dominic Rahja: Well guess what, sexual Dominants are usually the compliment of this.
[12:57] Dominic Rahja: Doms are strong people too, we do tend to be intelligent.
[12:57] Dominic Rahja: Doms are often highly trained professionals or skilled craftsmen.
[12:57] Dominic Rahja: However, we tend to avoid lifestyles and careers that demand they be in control all the time.
[12:57] Dominic Rahja: Doms tend to be easygoing. I have never in my life met, or even heard of, an uptight sexual Dominant.
[12:58] Dominic Rahja: We like being in control in INTIMATE situations.
[12:58] Dominic Rahja: any questions class?
[12:58] Dominic Rahja: I know its a bunch of text
[12:59] Dominic Rahja: but what it comes to is the fact that you bring your own personality in this
[12:59] Dominic Rahja: giving away your soul, isnt something you should do with the devil
[13:00] Dominic Rahja: but to one you can trust
[13:00] Dominic Rahja: I select some part of the text what I got left
[13:00] Dominic Rahja: and I'll hand you the full text after
[13:01] Dominic Rahja: Step 4: Memorize the Acid Tests!
[13:01] Dominic Rahja: When in doubt, throw it out! Don't waste your time with people that make you feel uncomfortable.
[13:01] Dominic Rahja: Even if the guy was a real Dom, if his personality makes you feel uncomfortable ,he's not going to be fun to play with.
[13:01] Dominic Rahja: "You'd better call me Sir!" is the mating call of a HNG or control freak.
[13:01] Dominic Rahja: Real Doms don't have to ask for titles, we EARN them. Most real Doms will say things like "please, call me Mike..."
[13:02] Dominic Rahja: btw
[13:02] Dominic Rahja: My opinion
[13:02] Dominic Rahja: I do believe a title does show respect
[13:02] ***NZ***: yes Master
[13:02] Dominic Rahja: just a small addition
[13:02] Dominic Rahja: but one that makes a Dom feel proud
[13:03] ***NZ***: yes Sir
[13:03] Dominic Rahja: but surely, it is not the most important thing in life
[13:03] Dominic Rahja: "I want you to take my collar before you play with me."
[13:03] Dominic Rahja: This is another common demand of fakes, most often made by control freaks.
[13:03] Dominic Rahja: They have to isolate you from other people and their advice, and sometimes a little ole "cyber-collar" is just the thing!
[13:04] Dominic Rahja: Cyber-collars are worth less other than the leather required to make one.
[13:04] Dominic Rahja: If you get an Instant Message that says something like "On your knees you [slave, slut, bitch,whore, etc.]"
[13:04] Dominic Rahja: This is the mating call of the HNG.
[13:04] Dominic Rahja: Use some common sense here.
[13:05] Dominic Rahja: Why waste your time with somebody that's not even polite?
[13:05] ***OE***: @ comment only
[13:05] Dominic Rahja: There's a time and a place for these endearing terms, and it isn't online!
[13:05] Dominic Rahja: yes ***OE***
[13:05] ***OE***: trust me when i say TRUST*GUT INSTINCT* i will tell you why, as one who has been in this situration, if that little voice within is ignored, you've just lead yourself into a situration of what i will call *CRITICAL MASS* that was me.
[13:05] Dominic Rahja: you know
[13:06] Dominic Rahja: all these things can be played in a scene
[13:06] Dominic Rahja: but that doesnt mean that Dom is like that
[13:06] Dominic Rahja: sometimes ( for some) it can be fun to be called names
[13:07] Dominic Rahja: but there s a difference bewteen being called slut or slut
[13:07] Dominic Rahja: if you know what I mean lol
[13:07] Dominic Rahja: "I don't have to answer that question!" or "It's not proper etiquette for you to ask a Master that." are examples of some the dangerous LIES that control freaks and snerts use.
[13:08] Dominic Rahja: This is the Acid test I personally think is the most important
[13:08] Dominic Rahja: A Dom had better be ready to at least TRY and answer every question you have, and HONESTLY at that!
[13:08] ***NZ***: welcome witch
[13:08] Dominic Rahja: Its literally your ass that's on the line! Never forget this!
[13:08] ***LF***: helllo
[13:09] Alexxa Xue: @
[13:09] Dominic Rahja: Alexxa?
[13:09] ***mZ***: @
[13:09] Alexxa Xue: WhatsYour opinion of a dom married in rl who wants to have a dom/sub relationship in sl?
[13:09] Dominic Rahja: thats very well possible
[13:10] ***LF***: why Not
[13:10] Dominic Rahja: for one: when someone is honest about that
[13:10] ***LF***: I have
[13:10] Dominic Rahja: when one hides his rl relationship, thats always wrong
[13:11] ***LF*** aggree
[13:11] Dominic Rahja: and of course, when things are brought into intimacy in any way
[13:11] Dominic Rahja: it would be nice if all involved agree to that
[13:11] Dominic Rahja: consensual is the big word
[13:12] Dominic Rahja: I mean: they can tell you, hey Im married but I hate her
[13:12] Dominic Rahja: thats not an excuse
[13:12] ***MS***: @ would like to make a comment.
[13:12] Dominic Rahja: sure ***MS***
[13:13] ***MS***: Thanks. I am new to the whole Dom/sub thing, and am married in RL.
[13:13] ***NZ***: @ Master may i say about Us
[13:14] ***MS***: My husband knows what I do on here and knows everything that I am looking for on here. I think some people go through here, because, as is with me, I cannot get certain things from him, because he *hubby* is not like that.
[13:14] Dominic Rahja: yes after ***MS*** sweets
[13:14] Dominic Rahja: nods
[13:14] ***MS***: So, I think it goes both ways. And if everyone, including your sig in rl is okay with it, why not. #
[13:14] ***LF***: @ would like to make a comment to
[13:14] ***OE***: @
[13:15] Dominic Rahja: here on sl there are many married ppl exploring the D/s side
[13:15] Dominic Rahja: can only enrich your married life I should say
[13:15] Dominic Rahja: ***NZ***, and then ***OE***
[13:15] ***JZ*** nods
[13:15] ***NZ***: imy husband what i do in SL knows my Master knows what tasks i do for my Owner an was alright an informed of my RL Meeting with my Master
[13:15] Dominic Rahja: and ***LF***
[13:15] ***NZ***: Knows
[13:16] ***LC*** whispers: sorry Sir gotta leave *waves & poofs*
[13:16] Dominic Rahja: dont forget that por case is very exceptional baby
[13:16] ***NZ***: all is consentual with all parties involved
[13:16] ***JZ***: @
[13:16] ***LF***: I a happy married in Rl with my sub... He is online to, and have a Sl Mister,, I have a Master... So we both get some somehink we dont get in Rl... and both our Sl partner know about....
[13:16] Dominic Rahja: I mean, how many husbands or wives would approve a rl meet
[13:17] Dominic Rahja: not many
[13:17] Dominic Rahja: yes ***LF***
[13:17] ***OE***: my partner in rl view this lifestlye as abuse. only due to the fact he's seen only the worst. in rl and esp. online
[13:17] Dominic Rahja: nods
[13:17] ***LF***: we have been hunest about it
[13:17] Dominic Rahja: point is: if one doesnt understand, then it can become a problem
[13:18] ***OE***: yes. reason i show by example
[13:18] Dominic Rahja: theres a whole bunch there who look upon D/s as a freak show
[13:18] ***LF***: Yes... My Old Master want me to get a divorve.... so we have to stop
[13:18] Dominic Rahja: and that view is supported by law
[13:19] Dominic Rahja: and the bible not to forget
[13:19] ***JZ***: @
[13:19] Dominic Rahja: and of course laws have to be there
[13:19] Dominic Rahja: ***JZ***?
[13:19] ***OE***: i know of a rl situration where the Sadist knew the laws of what state to meet. contractional up held.
[13:19] ***JZ***: Sir do you hand out transcripts of this class after you are finished?..... I lost my notes when i crashed. :(
[13:20] Dominic Rahja: yes I and out this text and the whole class notes will be put on Pirates blog
[13:20] Dominic Rahja: oh yes ***OE***..they study well
[13:21] Dominic Rahja: I can give you an example of how easy your rl is to track
[13:21] Dominic Rahja: suppose you meet a guy
[13:21] Dominic Rahja: and he asks you a lot of questions
[13:21] Dominic Rahja: btw most do soon they know you are submissive
[13:22] Dominic Rahja: you tell him you got a job
[13:22] Dominic Rahja: at Wal Mart
[13:22] Dominic Rahja: the next day u tell him you gotta go to work at 8.30
[13:23] Dominic Rahja: and every day u come back online when home at 6pm
[13:23] Dominic Rahja: then after a while u tell you are in Colorado
[13:23] Dominic Rahja: and you describe the landscape
[13:23] Dominic Rahja: or you tell him you been shopping in a near by city
[13:24] Dominic Rahja: athen, u tell him your first rl name
[13:24] ***NZ***: soo trusting
[13:24] Dominic Rahja: well the puzzle is almost unfold
[13:24] ***LF***: and someday there is nothink in your home.. there have been a hopefully a thief
[13:24] Dominic Rahja: how many wal marts are there in colorado with one working there named Mary and close to that city she shopped
[13:25] Dominic Rahja: and that without giving him your ID right away lol
[13:25] ***OE***: cuts down at least the 5% mark
[13:25] Dominic Rahja: in any way
[13:26] Dominic Rahja: its hard to know what your getting in at first impression
[13:26] Dominic Rahja: you gotta know eachother better
[13:26] Dominic Rahja: and that takes time
[13:26] Dominic Rahja: the fakers usually dont have time
[13:26] Dominic Rahja: they want sex here and now
[13:27] Dominic Rahja: if they dont get it right away they find abother
[13:27] Dominic Rahja: another
[13:27] ***OE***: @ comment
[13:27] Dominic Rahja: Im looking at the time
[13:27] Dominic Rahja: yes ***OE***
[13:27] ***JZ***: need to go..... enjoyed this class....very informative...bye all
[13:28] ***OE***: true of the submissive too
[13:28] ***NZ***: bye
[13:28] ***OE***: both side of the fence
[13:30] ***mZ***: yes i'm new to sl and still new on the rl also and learning much
[13:30] Dominic Rahja: yes
[13:30] ***mZ***: but i find to offer my collatr a very impotant decision as i will care for my sub
[13:31] Dominic Rahja: yes it is
[13:31] Dominic Rahja: its a symbol
[13:31] Dominic Rahja: I do find an online collar important too
[13:31] ***mZ***: literally untiil which time she is ready to leave so as far as someone offering a collar to soon watch out
[13:31] Dominic Rahja: but not everyone handles it with the same intentions
[13:32] Dominic Rahja: thank you all for attending class
[13:32] ***mZ***: ty
[13:32] Dominic Rahja: hope it was interesting
[13:32] Dominic Rahja: and safe paths to all
[13:32] ***LF***: Mm i dont find the collar important.... the collar isin your heart
[13:32] ***OE***: i've enjoyed highly, thank You
[13:32] Dominic Rahja: no, but it symbolizes a D/s relationship
[13:32] ***SF***: well put ***LF***
[13:33] Dominic Rahja: yw ***OE***
[13:33] Dominic Rahja: and thx for your input
[13:33] ***OE***: You're most welcomed smiles
[13:33] Dominic Rahja: what I always suggest for new D/s stylers in sl:
[13:34] Dominic Rahja: is to observe a lot
[13:34] Dominic Rahja: surely talk about it
[13:34] Dominic Rahja: and attend classes like this
[13:34] Dominic Rahja: but mostly observe
[13:34] ***NZ***: anyone have actual class notes ...
[13:34] Dominic Rahja: Pirate does that baby
[13:35] ***NZ***: shes not here
[13:35] ***OE***: yes, thank you, ***NZ***.

Responsibilities of Dominance - 7/13/09

[12:13] Pirate Russell: Ok, T/those that will, please turn off any radars, MystiTools, etc.
[12:13] Pirate Russell: Please take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[12:14] Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! As most of y'all know, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor. I have been in SL over 3 1/2 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[12:14] Pirate Russell: For any that need to leave early, all transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[12:14] Pirate Russell: And I know that ***KN*** won't belive it, but I'm totally caught up! he he
[12:15] Pirate Russell: hiya, ***PH*** and ***TR***, JUST starting
[12:15] ***PH***: good
[12:15] ***TR***: Hello :)
[12:15] ***PH***: hi
[12:15] ***KN***: mmhmm
[12:15] Pirate Russell: O/our topic today: The Repsonsibility of Dominance
[12:15] ***PH***: still all rezzing
[12:15] Pirate Russell: I would like to preface this with My usual, EVERY releationship is as different as those that are in it.
[12:15] ***EC***: Hi all newcomers
[12:15] Pirate Russell: I used to say the two that are in it, but relationships now include more than two, but I won't go so far as to include the occasional farm animal, though.
[12:15] Pirate Russell: Please take all cross talk to IM
[12:15] Pirate Russell: Dominants have responsibilities and, yes rules, too!
[12:16] Pirate Russell: The Highest Honour That A Dominant Could Ever Achieve Is The State Of Honour Itself. To Be Completely Respected And Trusted.
[12:16] Pirate Russell: There Are Some Definite Guidelines About Being A Dominant. With The Ever Growing Population Of "Chatrooms" There Appears To Be A Lot Of Confusion About The Dominants Role In The "Online" Lifestyle.
[12:16] Pirate Russell: The Foundation Of The Dominant Are Based On 3 Li'l Words:
[12:16] Pirate Russell: Trust
[12:16] Pirate Russell: Honour
[12:16] Pirate Russell: Respect
[12:16] Pirate Russell: Each Dominant Should Be Able To Display Chararistics Of These Words, Both "Online" As Well As Offline.
[12:16] Pirate Russell: The Power Exchange Is About Trust Can You Trust Someone Who Dismisses Your Feelings Even In An "Online" Relationship.
[12:17] Pirate Russell: Playing In Other Chats Or Instant Messengers, Secretly Accepting Other "submissives" All The While He Is Claiming He Is "Trustworthy"?
[12:17] Pirate Russell: Is It Acceptable For A Dominant To Hide "Online" Things From His submissive?
[12:17] ***PH***: players?
[12:17] Pirate Russell: Especially If They Plan On A Real Time Meeting Or Relationship? If They Hiding Things Here, Wonders What They are going to Hide From You RL.
[12:17] Strider Wisent: no
[12:18] ***PH***: players will be players :)
[12:18] Pirate Russell: One Of The Things A submissive Must Have Is The Confidence In Their Dominant Will Not Harm Them Nor Allow Harm To Come To Them.
[12:18] Pirate Russell: Trust Must Be Established. This Goes For The Mental Health As Well As The Physical Aspect Of The Relationship.
[12:18] Pirate Russell: Trust Will Grow As We Respect And Honour Each Other. Please Get To Know The Person You Are Considering To Be In A Relationship With.
[12:19] Pirate Russell: You Are Trusting Someone With The Most Precious Thing You Have...Your LIFE. You Can Quickly End Up In A Situation That Is Neither Safe, Sane, Nor Consensual.
[12:19] Pirate Russell: Can You Really Trust Your Life To Someone who Takes No Value Of The Words Trust, Honour & Respect?
[12:20] ***PH***: easy one - no
[12:20] Pirate Russell: you can if that's your kink, but not the most logical choice
[12:20] Pirate Russell: According to Rules for Masters by Jack Rinella <>
[12:20] Pirate Russell: 1. Have some rules. Over time, of course, each one of us gains insight into what works and what doesn't. Some of this wisdom is codified into rules.
[12:20] Pirate Russell: Rules are protective, instructive, and helpful. Having rules means that you know yourself, know what you want and don't want, and understand that everyone, including yourself, has limits.
[12:20] Pirate Russell: I know some people think they have no limits. They are fooling themselves as we are all constrained by physical nature, economic considerations, legal issues, and moral and ethical realities.
[12:21] Pirate Russell: We are all limited by the rose colored glasses through which we see the world. Rules help us respect those limits and avoid the trouble that is encountered when we exceed them.
[12:21] Pirate Russell: 2. Make sure those rules are your rules. You can't (well you can if you want) just go out and find some rules and use them.
[12:21] Pirate Russell: Rules must take their life from who you are. Rules must reflect the authentic you. If they don't, they will be burdensome and unenforceable.
[12:21] Pirate Russell: Good rules, then, start from the first rule of life: "Know thyself." I guess I would then temper that with "Love, and then do whatever you will." That doesn't mean that you can't borrow or copy another's rules. By all means do so.
[12:21] Pirate Russell: There is no reason to reinvent the wheel. If Master so and so has a reason for doing something and you like it, then do it too. Just make sure the rules resonate with who you are and what you want.
[12:22] Pirate Russell: I can not be too strong in emphasizing the importance of the inner self in this arena of rule-making column.
[12:22] Pirate Russell: 3. Don't make brittle rules. Rules are helpful because they add clarity and facilitate decision making. Rules cut in stone become millstones and anchors.
[12:23] Pirate Russell: Now I have nothing against either of those things as we need to grind grain and anchor boats,
[12:23] Pirate Russell: but if you think you can run your dungeon, your slave, or your life by a set of rules that are set in concrete or carved in granite, then you are kidding yourself.
[12:23] Pirate Russell: Better than a long list of rules, one might have a list of principles, guidelines for action. Certainly they may lend themselves to codification, but the spirit of the principle is much more important than the letter of the law.
[12:24] Pirate Russell: The Sabbath, after all, was made for man, not man for the Sabbath. Besides, there are always going to be exceptions and no amount of rule writing is going to cover all the possibilities.
[12:24] Pirate Russell: 4. Communicate those rules. It's obvious that we need to communicate rules to slaves so that they obey them. The same goes for rules for ourselves.
[12:25] Pirate Russell: Over time, I tell my applicants my rules and explain why I have them. I won't, for instance, let a subissive write and talk endlessly.
[12:25] Pirate Russell: He has got to show up at my doorstep within 6-8 weeks of our initial meeting. Why? Because I'm not into cybersex.
[12:25] Pirate Russell: Are there exceptions? Sure. The date can be extended for lots of reasons, but the communication will be curtailed until the plane ticket is bought. It's simply a matter that if you're not ready, then please don't act like you are.
[12:26] Pirate Russell: Communicating your rules has some nice benefits.
[12:26] Pirate Russell: It shows you are in control, that you have an understanding of what you want and don't want, and that you've thought about being a Master.
[12:26] Pirate Russell: It also gives the submissive a sense of security to know that you have rules too, such as "I will not have un-safe sex." Now he knows he doesn't have to worry about one thing anyway.
[12:27] Pirate Russell: 5. Remember man, that thou art dust; or get real. These Doms who think the world revolves around them need to think again.
[12:27] Pirate Russell: Humility is a still a virtue, even in a person who wields great power. Being in control doesn't that mean that a person needs to be haughty, egotistical, or obnoxious.
[12:27] Pirate Russell: If you are truly a person born to rule, then you have no need to put on airs. Pretense smells. Honesty, sincerity, and generosity have quite a different odor about them.
[12:27] Pirate Russell: There's also a side of this rule that involves practicality. Your rules need to be pragmatic, workable, reasonable, measurable, and enforceable.
[12:28] Pirate Russell: If they aren't, they will be honored only in the breaking and you will be seen as living in a fantasy world. It's one thing, of course, to have a rule for a weekend scene, quite another to have a rule for living out the rest of your life.
[12:28] Pirate Russell: 6. Stay above it. Just because the world is going to hell in a hand basket is no reason for you to do the same. Have high standards and stick to them.
[12:28] Pirate Russell: 7. Set benchmarks and progress points. A person becomes a doctor through a long and arduous series of learning experiences and tests that prove the experiences have had their desired effect.
[12:28] Pirate Russell: Each passing grade through high school, college, and med school contributes to the eventual M.D. Each evaluation, and not any single one, grants a person his or her license to practice medicine.
[12:29] Pirate Russell: It is no different for plumbers, electricians, or anyone else who wishes to acquire skill and standing.
[12:29] Pirate Russell: As you evaluate prospective slaves, recognize that this is a process and note their success or failure at each step of the way.
[12:29] Pirate Russell: Too often we want to jump to a full-blown contract while what are required are small steps and a gradual process.
[12:30] Pirate Russell: Heat milk quickly and it scalds, heat it slowly and it comes out just right.
[12:30] Pirate Russell: Running evaluations are helpful to everyone. Rules, after all, are meant to be helpful, indicative of reality.
[12:30] Pirate Russell: 8. Don't talk it all to death. submissives, if you want no more than phone and cyber sex, then keep talking. If you want real leather, you have to get physical.
[12:31] Pirate Russell: We are, after all, trying to develop real relationships. If I'm never going to meet you, I'm never going to be your master. You can pretend all you want on the phone.
[12:31] Pirate Russell: It might even get you off. But one of my rules is that until you've shaken hands, you haven't met. Until I can look at you eye to eye, eat a meal with you, and hear your voice without the benefit of wires or radio waves, it's just a prelude and nothing mo
[12:31] Pirate Russell: re,
[12:31] Pirate Russell: 9. Take responsibility. First and foremost you, top or bottom, are responsible for the consequences of your actions. Recognize that fact. Act responsibly. You are the one, after all, who wants to be in control.
[12:32] Pirate Russell: 10. When a person says one thing and does another, I always listen to what they do. That advice has stood me in good stead. I hope it does the same for you.
[12:32] Pirate Russell: I'd like to wind up today's talk with the Seven Pillars of Dominance:
[12:32] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant is a ruler, but never a tyrant. But to rule requires understanding, and understanding requires humility.
[12:32] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant has pride, but never arrogance. But pride requires dignity, and dignity requires humility.
[12:33] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant commands respect, but never fear. But respect requires serenity, and serenity requires humility.
[12:33] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant employs strength, but never force. But strength requires knowledge, and knowledge requires humility.
[12:33] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant criticizes, but never derides. But criticism requires insight, and insight requires humility.
[12:33] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant receives, but never takes. But receiving requires giving, and giving requires humility.
[12:34] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant completes, but never tries to alter. But to complete one must be able to see what is there, not what is missing, and this most of all requires humility.
[12:34] Pirate Russell: In short, to use an archaic phrase, noblesse oblige.
[12:34] Pirate Russell: The Dictionnaire de l’Académie française defines it thus: "Whoever claims to be noble must conduct himself nobly."
[12:34] Pirate Russell: And the most important consideration. If a Dominant is the centre of a submissive's universe, it is because she thinks so, not because He does.
[12:35] Pirate Russell: No one is respected, let alone obeyed, just because. The truth of the matter is that owning is at least as much work as being owned.
[12:35] Pirate Russell: All transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[12:35] Pirate Russell: College of Kink classes Monday, Tuesday & Friday @ 12:00pm.
[12:35] Pirate Russell: Y/you could always check the Search/Events and look for College.
[12:35] Pirate Russell: Questions, Comments??
[12:36] Pirate Russell listens to the crickets.....
[12:36] ***TW***: lol
[12:37] ***TW***: i'm awake! I promise :)
[12:37] ***PH***: my 1st question out of all of it would be simple and nice one- and btw Pirate awsome stuff - i agree on most. WHY the frink doms have to SHOW their dominance to others- as their slaves/pets/subs needing to show themself as being lesser - to kneel to be nakid why is that so overflowing SL?
[12:37] ***PH***: here you go :)
[12:37] ***PH***: sub-dom is intimate
[12:37] ***PH***: well can be
[12:38] Pirate Russell: Because they are not true Dominants. They are Dom-a-be's!
[12:38] ***PH***: and why the those slaves are going elswhere - when masters are not awareare not aware -
[12:38] ***PH***: i love you!
[12:38] ***PH***: :)
[12:38] ***TR***: :)
[12:38] ***PH***: well like :)
[12:38] ***PH***: no but really
[12:38] ***PH***: ghawd
[12:38] Pirate Russell: They think they can slap a collar on you and fuck you, easier than finding a girl the 'right way'
[12:39] ***EC***: I kneel to show respect for my Master and because I want to, I like being at his feet
[12:39] ***TR***: only exception to that would be subs that like the public humiliation?
[12:39] ***KN***: or they're just guys, who want to see a naked body
[12:39] ***PH***: im not talking about you - you have dress on :)
[12:39] ***PH***: im talking about what u see going on in SL
[12:39] ***EC***: Bermuda shorts actually {wink}
[12:40] Pirate Russell: I agree, mostly it's males, but I've seen bad dommes, too
[12:40] ***PH***: bitches are worse
[12:40] Pirate Russell likes naked bodies, too!
[12:40] ***PH***: its not being a dom is being mostly offensive and abusive cause they cant do it 'at home'
[12:40] ***TW***: I think that SL is a safe place for people to learn and play. Some get mixed up with a bad dom/me.
[12:41] ***PH***: LEARN :) all for it
[12:41] ***PH***: play TOO
[12:41] ***TW***: They go off of what vanilla people see as the stereo type for a d/s relationship
[12:41] Pirate Russell: Bad Dom's are why I took this job.
[12:41] ***PH***: utopist
[12:41] ***TR***: :D
[12:41] ***PH***: :)
[12:41] Pirate Russell: I'd spend HOURS each week, doing interventions.
[12:41] ***PH***: we all are good already
[12:41] ***TW***: and they think that they are supposed to do whatever he/she says
[12:41] ***TW***: and just follow blindly
[12:41] Pirate Russell: The fact that y'all are here, shows me that you're doing it the right way
[12:41] ***TR***: isn't the interventions needed where the true nature doesn't live anyway?
[12:41] ***PH***: good sub has their own mind
[12:41] ***PH***: and challenges dom
[12:42] ***PH***: so its up to a sub too
[12:42] ***EC***: a good sub is the one that is often in control
[12:42] Pirate Russell: the first thing I teach subs is to say... "I'm a submissive, but not YOUR submissive!"
[12:42] ***TW***: yes - i agree - anyone that doesn't recognize the power that a sub holds - isn't really ready for a d/s relationship
[12:42] Pirate Russell: Last week's class, which is up on the blog, was submissive rights
[12:42] ***PH***: im a submissive because i like it so it is my free will - more like it
[12:43] Pirate Russell: Especially in SL, if***TW*** was mine, and I pissed her off, she could take off My collar, mute me, ban Me from her lands, and not a damn thing I could do about it!
[12:43] ***TR***: Maybe it's just me and I'm strange (yes) but for me, being Dom is about "taking care"... and caring
[12:43] Pirate Russell: And file abuse reports every time I was in the same sim!
[12:43] ***PH***: yeah but subs still need to listen and obey :( sumtimes
[12:44] ***TW***: lol - true Pirate
[12:44] ***TW***: and - yes - I like your kind of strange then ***TR***
[12:44] ***PH***: agrees
[12:44] Pirate Russell: Oh, yes, ***TR***, My girls are pets first, and some are pain slut's too, others are whores, some just like to stay and be cuddled!
[12:44] ***EC***: I love to feel safe and secure with my Master, He looks after me
[12:44] ***EC***: my emotional wellbeing
[12:44] ***TW***: I have heard it said more than once - and i believe it to be true
[12:45] Pirate Russell: Those rules and boundries that he talked about in the talk I shamelessly stole
[12:45] ***TW***: that truly good doms - were first truly good subs
[12:45] ***PH***: what about reverse - being curious @Teague
[12:45] Pirate Russell: Most, not all,***TW***... I've never been a sub
[12:45] ***TR***: it's not so strange in a world where we are forcibly controlled and have to be strong and in our own control - to be glad to leave the control to someone you trust, and almost... give the responsability away
[12:45] Pirate Russell: And I have compliments up the ying yang, from 'one dungeon stands'
[12:46] ***TW***: there are wonderful exceptions to every rule, Mistress :)
[12:46] Pirate Russell: The strongest people I know are submissives, they CAN give the gift of themselves, I cannot!
[12:46] ***PH***: u didnt find nice dom orr you dont want to :)
[12:46] Pirate Russell will keep***TW*** after class!! ;-)
[12:46] ***TW***: hehe - promises, promises, Mistress....
[12:47] ***EC***: I have met a lot of Dom/mes in SL, but I have only connected with two
[12:47] Pirate Russell:***TW***, SEE ME IN MY OFFICE, AFTER CLASS! he he
[12:47] ***TW***: *smiles* Yes, Mistress
[12:47] ***TW***: lol
[12:48] ***TW***: Seriously - though - I am very new to d/s and this lifestyle
[12:48] ***TW***: I have gone to many classes
[12:48] Pirate Russell: all kidding aside, thre is NOTHING so true, as that line, "If you're the center of her universe, it's cuz she thinks so, not because you do"
[12:48] ***PH***: sub / dom is the most intimate you can get with yourself
[12:48] ***PH***: you probably found that that ticks you- and you want to explore
[12:48] Pirate Russell: yes, you give YOURSELF to him.
[12:48] Pirate Russell: er Him
[12:49] ***TR***: :D
[12:49] Pirate Russell: what greater gift is there?
[12:49] ***EC***: if he doesn't feel like the centre of my universe the connection isn't right, time for me to get my coat!
[12:49] ***PH***: and that is great - because u opened yourself to possibilities
[12:49] Pirate Russell: Other than a child....
[12:49] ***PH***: the worst thing that you could do is loose your mind/logic in it
[12:49] Pirate Russell: Or to make sure he IS that center, and that you show him.
[12:49] ***PH***: or yourself
[12:49] ***TW***: and what i seem to see over and over - is that a truly healthy relationship is one in which the dom completely puts the needs of the sub first.... and the sub puts the needs of the dom first.
[12:49] ***PH***: be you
[12:50] ***PH***: that is every relationship***TW*** :)
[12:50] ***PH***: every healthy one!
[12:50] ***TR***: that's beautifully said
[12:50] Pirate Russell:***TW***, that isn't just in D/s relationships... Every Marriage SHOULD be like that
[12:50] ***PH***: marriage ? :)
[12:50] ***PH***: relationship :)
[12:50] ***TW***: i agree that it SHOULD
[12:50] ***PH***: ow partnership
[12:50] ***TW***: just isn't always
[12:50] ***TW***: brb
[12:51] ***PH***: well you still are the dom of your pixels and your flesh and your life
[12:51] Pirate Russell: One of the BEST quotes in the world...
[12:51] Pirate Russell: "Love" is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own... Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy.
Robert A. Heinlein
[12:51] ***PH***: hawg for that
[12:51] ***PH***: +h
[12:52] Pirate Russell: "The happines of another is esential to your own..."!
[12:52] ***PH***: that could be portrayed as a need expecially with 'vagina ppl'
[12:52] ***PH***: love is unconditional
[12:52] ***TR***: I feel that way in Love, strongly
[12:52] ***PH***: that means u have trust and respect :)
[12:53] ***PH***: and all
[12:53] ***PH***: but once more we are different :)
[12:53] Pirate Russell: And Honour (British spelling for ***EC***)
[12:53] ***PH***: :)
[12:53] ***EC***: LOL thank you Miss
[12:53] ***PH***: honour comes from that 2
[12:54] Pirate Russell: One of my girls is from Birmingham
[12:54] Pirate Russell: not Michigan or Alabama, either!
[12:54] ***EC***: north of me Miss
[12:54] Pirate Russell: Anyway......
[12:54] ***BB***: {smiles} As for me, I was reluctant.. I didn't accept the labels at first. I only know that I feel honored by what she offers me, sometimes humbled.. and I have no care for whether or not I'm considered a good dom, or a wanna-be or even a dom at all. I am a compilation of my actions.. and it is she that makes me worthy or not.
[12:55] ***PH***: mhm
[12:55] ***PH*** agrees
[12:55] ***TR***: wow ***BB***
[12:55] ***EC*** blushes
[12:55] ***TR***: good one
[12:55] Pirate Russell: We all are, how do you think I got to be The Preeminent Polyamorous Lesbian Alpha Bitch Domme of SL ™?
[12:55] ***EC***: see why I love this man???? sigh
[12:55] Pirate Russell: Do you think I just made that up?
[12:55] ***PH***: you can be
[12:55] Pirate Russell: Ok, I did... he he
[12:56] ***BB***: sheer numbers?? chuckles
[12:56] ***PH***: nah prolly someone called you that:)
[12:56] ***TR***: We bow to your title, oh great One :)
[12:56] Pirate Russell: LOL, anyway, we're all defined by our actions and words. RL, SL, and Third Life!
[12:56] ***PH***: thoughts and emotions to ourselves
[12:56] ***BB***: You sound like a Texan to me..
[12:57] Pirate Russell has lived there courtesy of a rich uncle..... Uncle Sam, USAF stationed in Abliene
[12:57] ***PH***: u for my sake can define what you want our of me (having you as an example Miss) but that doesnt define me :)
[12:57] ***BB***: {grins} I thought as much
[12:57] ***PH***: what i feel with that and how i feel it defines me
[12:58] Pirate Russell: Well, looking at the same behaviour, I have some respect Me, and others deride Me for being a Mistress and into D/s
[12:58] ***PH***: so what then?
[12:58] ***PH***: :)
[12:58] ***PH***: what do you feel about yourself?
[12:58] Pirate Russell: So just cuz you do good, doesn't mean that you are perceived as good.
[12:59] Pirate Russell: I KNOW I'm good, and as long as I convince those I Love, and those that Love Me..... BINGO!
[12:59] ***PH***: exactly
[12:59] ***PH***: how you percieve yourself (and we are talking you knowing yourself and know exactly what is good/bad)
[12:59] Pirate Russell: And to a lesser extent, y'all, I at least have respect, cuz you've sat here for an hour listening to Me rant!
[13:00] ***PH***: that makes you good dom/sub
[13:00] Pirate Russell: and that takes... humility!
[13:00] Pirate Russell: LOL
[13:00] ***EC***: Thank you for a very informative talk Miss
[13:00] Pirate Russell: Ahh, I guess you're leaving ,then?
[13:00] ***BB***: {bows to mistress} I very much appreciate your expertise mistress} I will consider your words more in quiet
[13:01] Pirate Russell: Guess I should dismiss class then, since y'all are jumping up and running?
[13:01] Strider Wisent: you've given me things to think about too - thanks
[13:01] ***TW***: back
[13:01] ***TW***: did i miss all the good stuff?
[13:01] Pirate Russell: umm.. ok, I USED to be in charge, but....
[13:01] ***PH***: welcome back (you can read it)
[13:01] ***PH***: :D
[13:01] ***BB***: Good day all.
[13:02] ***EC***: hope to see you all again soon, bye
[13:03] ***TR***: bbye
[13:03] ***PH***: i need to have a bath or shower &eat
[13:03] ***PH***: not at the same time
[13:03] ***PH***: although
[13:03] ***PH***: jeeez
[13:03] ***PH***: :)
[13:03] ***TR***: hehe
[13:03] Pirate Russell: Next time you leave in mid class, please just go, don't make an interruption, ok, ***PH***?
[13:03] ***PH***: did i ?
[13:04] ***PH***: of course its okay
[13:04] ***TW***: just read everything
[13:04] ***TW***: ***BB*** is a friend of mine - and very well-spoken
[13:04] ***TW***: i think highly of him
[13:04] Pirate Russell: yes, he is, as do I!
[13:07] Pirate Russell: Class dismissed

The Gift of submission - 7/10/09

[12:11] Pirate Russell: Ok, those that will, please turn off any radars, MystiTools, etc.
[12:11] Pirate Russell: Please take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[12:12] Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! As most of y'all know, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor. I have been in SL for 3 1/2 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[12:12] Pirate Russell: For any that need to leave early, all transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[12:13] Pirate Russell: What Is Submission?
[12:13] Pirate Russell: Author: Raven Shadowborne © 1997
[12:13] Pirate Russell: Submission: (by definition) the act of granting power to another
[12:13] Pirate Russell: A rather frightening prospect for most people. To give control of yourself to someone else. The act of submitting is part of the power exchange inherent within a D/s relationship.
[12:13] Pirate Russell: It is the giving of yourself to another within preset limits, arranged before hand.
[12:14] Pirate Russell: It is an informed choice and therefor consensual. A person shouldn't just decide to submit to the first dominant they meet.
[12:14] Pirate Russell: A submissive should take the time to get to know the dominant outside the roles of dominant and submissive, as the person he/she is.
[12:14] Pirate Russell: With the information gathered during that initial learning of each other process, the submissive can then make an informed decision of whether or not to submit to that dominant.
[12:15] Pirate Russell: This process should include discussions of expectations, wants, needs and desires.
[12:15] Pirate Russell: Each submissive must decide for themselves how far they are willing to go and still stay within the guidelines of safe sane and consensual, thereby not crossing into the realm of abuse.
[12:15] Pirate Russell: The three tenets of D/s must always apply for the submission to be true submission and not abuse.
[12:16] Pirate Russell: Why a person is submissive varies extensively from person to person. Some are submissive just for a little extra zing in their intimate lives. Others may have a deep psychological need that prevents them from being any other way.
[12:16] Pirate Russell: There are three main types of submissives There are more concise groupings than these three broad ones, as evidenced by the 9 levels of submission that are widely used and referred to in many books and discussions of D/s.
[12:16] Pirate Russell: ~A: Sexual Submissive (AKA bottom, sensual submissive)
[12:17] Pirate Russell: A sexual sub is in D/s for their own sexual gratification. Once their sexual needs are met they are satisfied. They feel no real need to submit any personal control to another.
[12:17] Pirate Russell: ~B: Psychological Submissive
[12:17] Pirate Russell: This broad category tends to include those who are in it for the pain and humiliation a D/s relationship can give them.
[12:18] Pirate Russell: This category tends to include most masochists. Those who have suffered real abuse and are stuck in victim mode, tend to end up in this category.
[12:18] Pirate Russell: ~C: Natural Submissive (AKA True Submissive)
[12:18] Pirate Russell: she/he is born with a submissive nature. A need to please others. This need and submissive tendency goes beyond sexual gratification.
[12:18] Pirate Russell: It is in their nature to please others, and they will readily give up their control to another with very little or no urging from their dominant.
[12:18] Pirate Russell: Who's to say which category is best?
[12:19] Pirate Russell: Being submissive is unique and you are an individual. Being submissive comes from the heart. It can not be believably faked, acted or role played.
[12:19] Pirate Russell: True submission is a gift of high value. It is my opinion that those in the lifestyle should not judge any one else within the lifestyle for their choices.
[12:20] Pirate Russell: Who are we to say that a sexual sub is not submissive on a different level? Or that there can only be one type of submissive? Remember, life is full of small variances and innuendoes, so is D/s.
[12:20] Pirate Russell: I'm going to finish up with the submissive Bill of Rights. Remember that submissives are not doormats they are people, strong enough to give themselves to another person, let someone else tell them, make them, watch them do what they're told!
[12:20] Pirate Russell: submissive Bill of Rights:
[12:20] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to be treated with courtesy.
[12:20] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to be treated with respect.
[12:21] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to express feelings, whether good or bad.
[12:21] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to disagree and express disagreement.
[12:21] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to stand up for your beliefs, values and morals.
[12:21] Pirate Russell: ~you have a right to retain your self respect and self worth.
[12:21] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to say No.
[12:22] Pirate Russell: HOW to say "no", is a whole other class....
[12:22] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to walk away from an unhealthy situation.
[12:22] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to be treated as an intelligent, thinking person, entitled to your feelings.
[12:22] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to make mistakes and ask those mistakes to be forgiven.
[12:22] Pirate Russell: All transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[12:22] Pirate Russell: College of Kink classes Monday, Tuesday & Friday @ Noon (12:00pm).
[12:22] Pirate Russell: Y/you could always check the Search/Events and look for College or Join House of V Friends, or House of V groups, for notices immediately before the classes.
[12:23] Pirate Russell: Questions, Comments???
[12:23] Pirate Russell: SpeakEasy HUD detaching...
[12:24] Pirate Russell: No questions or comments? This is gonna be a SHORT class then!
[12:25] ***WA***: prefers sensuality to force
[12:25] Pirate Russell likes each one, at different times, usually
[12:25] ***WA***: tho I see the attraction
[12:26] ***LB*** doesn't think they're mututally exclusive. :)
[12:26] ***WA***: agrees it can be stimulating
[12:26] Pirate Russell: No, there is an overlap, I'll just force girl to have an orgasm! he he
[12:26] ***LB*** laughs.
[12:27] ***WA***: having done both sides of the coin it can be an iluminating experience
[12:28] Pirate Russell: So I'm told! he he
[12:29] ***WA*** winks
[12:29] ***LB*** grins.
[12:29] ***WA***: well abuse can get repitious too
[12:29] ***WA***: repititious
[12:29] Pirate Russell: Difference between punnishment and abuse
[12:29] ***LB***: I think though, even with force, there still has to be some....sensuality? I mean otherwise...why bother?
[12:30] Pirate Russell: and between pain and injury
[12:30] ***WA***: totally agrees
[12:30] ***WA***: tho some like pain to the that point of injury
[12:31] ***NL***: yes, some do...
[12:31] Pirate Russell: There are some painsluts out there, in RL and SL. Some that actually can orgasm from being beaten. Not a lot, but some do!
[12:31] ***NL***: and some only like the senuality once they have been injured
[12:31] ***NL***: ~smiles~ I know two!
[12:31] Pirate Russell: Yep, IF then!
[12:32] Pirate Russell: he he, oh? Anyone kneeling in this class?
[12:32] ***WA***: smiles
[12:32] ***LB***: Right, the point being that the sub has to be getting something out of it. :)
[12:32] Pirate Russell: Yes, each of us comes here, SL, to have fun!
[12:32] ***WA***: yes verry boring kneeling for hours
[12:33] ***LB*** smiles.
[12:33] Pirate Russell: that's pretty much the litmus test of a D/s relationship in SL, anyway, is it fun?
[12:33] ***LB***: I guess that depends on what you're doing while you're kneeling. :p
[12:33] Pirate Russell: Maybe not all the time, but does the fun outweigh the just kneeling
[12:33] ***SL***: Let's Go boys
[12:33] ***SL***: Thank you Pirate
[12:33] ***WA***: the thin line twixt pleasure and pain
[12:33] ***NL***: yes Sir
[12:33] Pirate Russell: ***LB***, what's the difference between cunnilingus and a peanut butter sandwich?
[12:33] ***NL***: Thank You Pirate
[12:33] Pirate Russell: My pleasure, Hope to see y'all again
[12:34] ***WA***: pussy doesn't stick to the roof of your mouth??
[12:34] Pirate Russell: Nope....
[12:34] Pirate Russell: Whatcha doin' for lunch?
[12:34] ***SL*** nodding. "Alway a pleasure, I'm sure you will."
[12:34] ***WA***: lol
[12:34] ***LB*** wouldn't have the foggiest idea. ;)
[12:34] Pirate Russell: Whatcha doin' for lunch?
[12:35] ***LB*** grins.
[12:35] Pirate Russell: Anyway, back to the topic....
[12:35] ***WA*** grins - smooth pirate!!
[12:35] ***LB*** chuckles.
[12:35] Pirate Russell: Yes, with some dominants (small "d" intentional) they're all about the kneel.
[12:35] Pirate Russell: that's it.
[12:35] ***LB*** rolls her eyes.
[12:36] Pirate Russell: I pick My girls for their personalities. For their skills, for their desire to serve, not to play a role
[12:36] ***LB***: Though kneeling certainly has its uses.
[12:37] ***LB***: Well, thanks for the chat. :)
[12:37] Pirate Russell: granted, but if that's it, I say "***LB***, kneel"... then go AFK..... surf porn...... IM, or chat with others, and just leave girl there.... NOT fun
[12:37] Pirate Russell: Oh, I guess class is dismissed then?
[12:37] ***DT***: lol
[12:38] ***DT***: thank You Pirate
[12:38] Pirate Russell sighs, remembering when Dommes, and Instructors, were in charge...
[12:38] Pirate Russell: Sure!
[12:38] ***DT***: hehehe
[12:38] ***DT***: erosion of the essential mores
[12:38] ***DT***: lack of respect
[12:38] ***DT***: lol
[12:39] Pirate Russell: This is your first class?
[12:39] ***DT***: no Pirate i have attended others in different sims
[12:40] Pirate Russell: This is your first class, of Mine?
[12:40] ***DT***: ***VV*** suggested i take in one of Your talks
[12:40] ***DT***: yes
[12:40] Pirate Russell: I must appologize, I have NEVER had the class just walk out like that. I am truly embarrassed!
[12:40] ***DT***: dont be
[12:40] Pirate Russell: RL wise, not SL blushing
[12:40] ***DT***: and no apologies nevcessary
[12:41] Pirate Russell: Next week is "Dominant Responsibility"
[12:41] ***DT***: Friday?
[12:41] ***DT***: or the early class
[12:41] ***DT***: early in the week i mean
[12:41] Pirate Russell: Monday/Friday are Me, I do the same one all week, Tuesday is Dominic Rahja
[12:41] ***DT***: ahhh ok
[12:42] ***DT***: Welll i will be taking it in on one those days then
[12:42] Pirate Russell: Hiya, Rock, you prolly got run over by the flood to get outta here.
[12:43] Pirate Russell: Well, ***DT***, have a good one, I'm gonna join the trend!
[12:43] ***DT***: yes ok Pirate lol
[12:43] ***DT***: have a nice day

The Gift of submission - 7/6/09

[2009/07/06 12:12] Pirate Russell: Ok, those that will, please turn off any radars, MystiTools, etc.
[2009/07/06 12:13] Pirate Russell: Please take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[2009/07/06 12:13] Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! As most of y'all know, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor. I have been in SL for 3 1/2 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[2009/07/06 12:13] Pirate Russell: For any that need to leave early, all transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2009/07/06 12:13] Pirate Russell: What Is Submission?
[2009/07/06 12:14] Pirate Russell: Author: Raven Shadowborne © 1997
[2009/07/06 12:14] Pirate Russell: Submission: (by definition) the act of granting power to another
[2009/07/06 12:14] Pirate Russell: A rather frightening prospect for most people. To give control of yourself to someone else. The act of submitting is part of the power exchange inherent within a D/s relationship.
[2009/07/06 12:14] Pirate Russell: It is the giving of yourself to another within preset limits, arranged before hand.
[2009/07/06 12:14] Pirate Russell: It is an informed choice and therefor consensual. A person shouldn't just decide to submit to the first dominant they meet.
[2009/07/06 12:15] Pirate Russell: A submissive should take the time to get to know the dominant outside the roles of dominant and submissive, as the person he/she is.
[2009/07/06 12:15] Pirate Russell STOMPS Her foot! Underlines, and says that again!
[2009/07/06 12:15] Pirate Russell: A submissive should take the time to get to know the dominant outside the roles of dominant and submissive, as the person he/she is.
[2009/07/06 12:15] Pirate Russell: With the information gathered during that initial learning of each other process, the submissive can then make an informed decision of whether or not to submit to that dominant.
[2009/07/06 12:16] Pirate Russell: This process should include discussions of expectations, wants, needs and desires.
[2009/07/06 12:16] Pirate Russell: Each submissive must decide for themselves how far they are willing to go and still stay within the guidelines of safe sane and consensual, thereby not crossing into the realm of abuse.
[2009/07/06 12:16] Pirate Russell: Plus Limits, hard and soft.
[2009/07/06 12:16] Pirate Russell: The three tenets of D/s must always apply for the submission to be true submission and not abuse.
[2009/07/06 12:16] Pirate Russell: Why a person is submissive varies extensively from person to person. Some are submissive just for a little extra zing in their intimate lives. Others may have a deep psychological need that prevents them from being any other way.
[2009/07/06 12:17] Pirate Russell: There are three main types of submissives There are more concise groupings than these three broad ones, as evidenced by the 9 levels of submission that are widely used and referred to in many books and discussions of D/s.
[2009/07/06 12:17] Pirate Russell: ~A: Sexual Submissive (AKA bottom, sensual submissive)
[2009/07/06 12:17] Pirate Russell: A sexual sub is in D/s for their own sexual gratification. Once their sexual needs are met they are satisfied. They feel no real need to submit any personal control to another.
[2009/07/06 12:18] Pirate Russell: ~B: Psychological Submissive
[2009/07/06 12:18] Pirate Russell: This broad category tends to include those who are in it for the pain and humiliation a D/s relationship can give them.
[2009/07/06 12:18] Pirate Russell: This category tends to include most masochists. Those who have suffered real abuse and are stuck in victim mode, tend to end up in this category.
[2009/07/06 12:19] Pirate Russell: ~C: Natural Submissive (AKA True Submissive)
[2009/07/06 12:19] Pirate Russell: she/he is born with a submissive nature. A need to please others. This need and submissive tendency goes beyond sexual gratification.
[2009/07/06 12:19] Pirate Russell: It is in their nature to please others, and they will readily give up their control to another with very little or no urging from their dominant.
[2009/07/06 12:20] Pirate Russell: Who's to say which category is best?
[2009/07/06 12:20] Pirate Russell: Being submissive is unique and you are an individual. Being submissive comes from the heart. It can not be believably faked, acted or role played.
[2009/07/06 12:20] Pirate Russell: True submission is a gift of high value. It is my opinion that those in the lifestyle should not judge any one else within the lifestyle for their choices.
[2009/07/06 12:20] Pirate Russell: Who are we to say that a sexual sub is not submissive on a different level? Or that there can only be one type of submissive? Remember, life is full of small variances and innuendoes, so is D/s.
[2009/07/06 12:20] Pirate Russell: I'm going to finish up with the submissive Bill of Rights. Remember that submissives are not doormats they are people, strong enough to give themselves to another person, let someone else tell them, make them, watch them do what they're told!
[2009/07/06 12:21] Pirate Russell: submissive Bill of Rights:
[2009/07/06 12:21] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to be treated with courtesy.
[2009/07/06 12:21] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to be treated with respect.
[2009/07/06 12:21] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to express feelings, whether good or bad.
[2009/07/06 12:21] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to disagree and express disagreement.
[2009/07/06 12:21] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to stand up for your beliefs, values and morals.
[2009/07/06 12:22] Pirate Russell: ~you have a right to retain your self respect and self worth.
[2009/07/06 12:22] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to say No.
[2009/07/06 12:22] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to walk away from an unhealthy situation.
[2009/07/06 12:22] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to be treated as an intelligent, thinking person, entitled to your feelings.
[2009/07/06 12:22] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to make mistakes and ask those mistakes to be forgiven.
[2009/07/06 12:23] Pirate Russell: All transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2009/07/06 12:23] Pirate Russell: Also, one that's not in there.....
[2009/07/06 12:23] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to say, "yes, this one is a submissive, but not Your submissive"
[2009/07/06 12:24] Pirate Russell: College of Kink classes Monday, Tuesday & Friday @ Noon (12:00pm).
[2009/07/06 12:24] Pirate Russell: Y/you could always check the Search/Events and look for College or Join House of V Friends, or House of V groups, for notices immediately before the classes.
[2009/07/06 12:24] Pirate Russell: Questions, Comments???
[2009/07/06 12:24] ***PH***: nope just greetings
[2009/07/06 12:24] Pirate Russell: [ you have reached the end of the current notecard - resetting to first line... ]
[2009/07/06 12:24] Pirate Russell: SpeakEasy HUD detaching...
[2009/07/06 12:24] Pirate Russell: Hello ***PH***!
[2009/07/06 12:25] ***PH***: hello Pirate and others
[2009/07/06 12:25] ***JR***: hello ***PH***
[2009/07/06 12:26] Pirate Russell: Well, with no discussion or questions this is gonna be a SHORT class!
[2009/07/06 12:26] Pirate Russell: and ***PH***, no spankin for girl today, she's LATE!
[2009/07/06 12:26] ***PH***: cant discuss i was late :(
[2009/07/06 12:26] ***PH***: shit
[2009/07/06 12:27] ***OE***: Q....
[2009/07/06 12:27] ***JR***: well I think the last one You added is an important one as some Dominants start with get down on Your knee girls even when they don't know You
[2009/07/06 12:27] Pirate Russell: yes, ***OE***?
[2009/07/06 12:27] ***OE***: I understand the classes being of the submissive side
[2009/07/06 12:27] ***ES*** agrees.
[2009/07/06 12:27] ***OE***: What about giving a Domiant view and side?
[2009/07/06 12:28] Pirate Russell: That's next week, "The Responsibilities of Dominance"
[2009/07/06 12:28] ***TO***: Well I can offer some insight I had about submission. I actually tried the other side of the fence and tried to be submissive, I couldn't do it. I could go through the motions, but I could not get any joy from it. Made me realize that submissive do something that I never could.
[2009/07/06 12:28] ***OE***: Wonderful
[2009/07/06 12:29] Pirate Russell smiles at ***OE***, "Please do, ***TO***"
[2009/07/06 12:29] ***PH***: u can be sub when you trust and respect your dom
[2009/07/06 12:29] ***PH***: expecially when u are a strong dom
[2009/07/06 12:29] ***PH***: i switch
[2009/07/06 12:29] ***ES*** smiles and listens to Sir
[2009/07/06 12:30] ***OE***: How many switch, due, to loss of a Domiant?
[2009/07/06 12:31] ***PH***: you have to understand that some of us are strongly bipolar
[2009/07/06 12:31] ***OE***: As in death
[2009/07/06 12:31] ***PH***: none
[2009/07/06 12:31] ***OE***: lag lol.
[2009/07/06 12:31] ***PH***: chat lag
[2009/07/06 12:31] ***PH***: mhm :)
[2009/07/06 12:31] Pirate Russell: I don't know, I don't switch, and dont' really discuss that with those that do, ***OE***
[2009/07/06 12:31] ***PH***: so i have to find my balance in sl and rl
[2009/07/06 12:32] ***OE***: I found that no other Dominant could take the place of the One I lost real life..
[2009/07/06 12:32] ***PH***: so i can sub to a dom that i find he/she is able to actually sub another dom :) if you understand it .
[2009/07/06 12:33] Pirate Russell: First, ***OE***, My heart felt condolences....
[2009/07/06 12:33] Pirate Russell: Second, it doesn't even take death, jsut the break up of a relationship, I know someone that's leaving the lifestyle, because of a bad split with her Domme.
[2009/07/06 12:34] ***OE***: Many will sit back
[2009/07/06 12:34] ***OE***: I did
[2009/07/06 12:34] ***ES*** has known some who switch or change due to loss of relationship.
[2009/07/06 12:35] ***LB***: i think it's good to take breaks from the lifestyle when something like that happens it let's you reflect and see what you were meant to learn from that experience
[2009/07/06 12:35] ***MS***: Well, I am not all that familiar with Dom/sub relationships, having never been in one, but I really truly think everyone is like that in any relationship. If someone is taken away from us, for whatever reason, we try to find ways to cope, however that may be. In some, it could be leaving the lifestyle, others, to try other things.
[2009/07/06 12:35] Pirate Russell: I do know somone that was first girl, in RL and ended up running a fairly large House, because it was left to her, however.
[2009/07/06 12:36] Pirate Russell: Yes, ***MS***, I do agree,
[2009/07/06 12:36] ***OE***: Thats is being only submissive to one and Domiant to others
[2009/07/06 12:36] Pirate Russell: D/s is a relationship, and as such, it's as different as the people, and farm animals, that are in it.
[2009/07/06 12:37] Pirate Russell: IT goes back to that getting to know eachother... the negoiation stage, or maybe call it the 'courting stage'.
[2009/07/06 12:37] ***MS***: ***OE***, if that is what you are doing, there isn't anything wrong with it. If you aren't a cookie cutter sub, and don't feel like it/want to be, then don't. You do what you need to do to stay sane and happy.
[2009/07/06 12:37] Pirate Russell: hello again, Tonio, please take a seat
[2009/07/06 12:37] Tonio Roffo: I will when it shows
[2009/07/06 12:37] Tonio Roffo: :)
[2009/07/06 12:38] ***OE***: I do agree on the courting stage term
[2009/07/06 12:38] ***OE***: I have be Priate
[2009/07/06 12:38] Pirate Russell sees Her collars akin to wedding rings... I don't just toss them out cuz I want to have someone get nakey and bend over for My strapon!
[2009/07/06 12:39] ***OE***: I find my knowlege goes a long ways
[2009/07/06 12:39] Pirate Russell: And I ALWAYS value your input, ***OE***!
[2009/07/06 12:39] ***OE***: I don't seek the sexual
[2009/07/06 12:39] ***OE***: Thank you, Priate
[2009/07/06 12:42] Pirate Russell: Any other questions, comments or girls that wanna strip?
[2009/07/06 12:42] ***MS***: ***KB*** does!
[2009/07/06 12:42] ***CF***: Too late. I'm naked.
[2009/07/06 12:42] ***OE***: lol.
[2009/07/06 12:42] ***KB***: pfft
[2009/07/06 12:43] ***ES*** woofs to ***CF***
[2009/07/06 12:43] Pirate Russell: But then aint ya always, ***CF***?
[2009/07/06 12:43] ***CF***: mew, as the kids say.
[2009/07/06 12:43] ***CF***: Sure am!
[2009/07/06 12:44] Pirate Russell: I played "***CF***" for a week last week, and didn't dress at all!
[2009/07/06 12:45] Pirate Russell: Mean while, over here, on topic.... last call for questions, comments or dirty jokes!
[2009/07/06 12:45] ***ES*** loves ***CF***
[2009/07/06 12:45] Pirate Russell: Going once......
[2009/07/06 12:45] ***ES***: She is purr-fect.
[2009/07/06 12:45] Pirate Russell: .......................................twice.....
[2009/07/06 12:45] Pirate Russell: .............................................................................. Three times a ***LB***......
[2009/07/06 12:45] ***ES*** pounces Pirate
[2009/07/06 12:46] Pirate Russell: Class Dismissed!