Sex, Lies and Role Playing: Truth and Fiction in Online D/s - 11/20/08

[0:37] Zealot Benmergui: Welcome A/all to the House of V’s College of Kink. My name is Zealot Benmergui, Baron BardHaven and I will be your host today. Some of you may know me from lecturing here at House of V and other locations around the grid, or from my role in the educational cartoon “Jesus says ‘Good Night’: Wet Dreams and YOU” in which I voiced the characters of Sperm #7 and “Daddy’s New Pal”.
[0:37] ***SA*** cheers at Z
[0:37] ***SM***: WOOHOO Z
[0:37] ***CI***: .....:::::::::::::::::::APPLAUSE::::::::::::::::::::.....
[0:37] ***CI***: .....:::::::::::::::::::APPLAUSE::::::::::::::::::::.....
[0:37] Zealot Benmergui: Hello Ling dear, hello Sean
[0:37] ***SM*** nodds to the crowd....."we love Z"
[0:37] ***MM***: lol
[0:38] ***MM***: behave
[0:38] Zealot Benmergui: Yes yes, now sit down
[0:38] ***SA***: yes mom
[0:38] Zealot Benmergui: The topic for today is "Sex, Lies and Role Playing: Truth and Fiction in Online D/s". We will be discussing the different approaches and mindsets that can be found in Online D/s and examine ways to balance them, or at least to find the approach that is best for you. Please note that for the purpose of clarity, I will tend to use “she” to refer to a submissive and “he” to refer to a Dominant, but either can be of any gender. Your humble lecturer WILL accept tips, but they must be paid to me directly, if you are so inclined, thank you.
[0:38] ***SA***: can i wait til i see people forst .. i dont want to sit in anyones lap
[0:38] Zealot Benmergui: Ling, you liar
[0:38] Zealot Benmergui: Before we get too far into today’s topic, I wish to examine the term “Role Playing” a little bit. It is one of the most misunderstood phrases one can find in SL D/s, surpassed only by “Exclusive” and “No, I don’t want to cyber with you, you spaz”. When in doubt about such things, it is always best to go to the experts. According to the Random House Dictionary, there are two definitions of role playing. The first they list is: “A method of instruction or psychotherapy aimed at changing attitudes and behavior, in which participants act out designated roles relevant to real-life situations”.
[0:39] Zealot Benmergui: Hmmm…that has some interesting possibilities, but let’s look at the second definition. “The modifying of a person's behavior to accord with a desired personal image, as to impress others or conform to a particular environment.” MUCH closer I think to the standard usage in SL, and has the added benefit of sounding so much more socially acceptable then “Likes to pretend he is a Pink Dark Jedi Werewolf with two cybernetic arms and a prick the size of a Mercedes”.
[0:39] ***MM***: rofl
[0:40] ***IM*** giggles
[0:40] ***mM***: hahaha
[0:40] Zealot Benmergui: The first definition, while accurate, goes into elements that are past the bounds of this lecture, but which we can examine at another time, mainly the thereputic aspects of online D/s and role playing in general...for now, we'll focus on the second definition.
[0:41] Zealot Benmergui: It's easier to talk smack about the second definition.
[0:41] Zealot Benmergui: So, role playing is modifying your behavior to fit a desired personal image, or a specific environment? Hell, we ALL role play then, in many if not all aspects of our RL. High School for most people, by that definition, is one long horrifyingly complex role play. So is work. So is almost every activity that involves us interacting with other people, not to mention some activities that involve dogs or horses, or just ourselves and the latest copy of High Heels Quarterly. Life itself could be seen as a series of role plays.
[0:42] Zealot Benmergui: Or a long, horrifying dream..touch to tell which some times.
[0:42] Zealot Benmergui: So why then do people become so concerned about Role Playing in online D/s? After all, consider the fact that most online couples are NOT in the same physical space while they are together in SL (though I have known some that DO log on from two computers, on opposite sides of the room, and then cyber…but they SCARE me). At least a certain amount of role play is required to have any sort of relationship at all. Do, not everyone likes to role play that they are Gorean Mugluck trainer out on a bender, or a giant turtle named Stuart, or the opposite gender…but we are all playing at least some small element of a character when we are in second life.
[0:44] Zealot Benmergui: We have to take as a given that what we describe in words, or act out on a pose ball, is going to be seen and interpreted by the person we are with no different then if they were watching a film...the difference is of course that what they are seeing here is interactive...still role playing, but with ties to reality that aren't foundin most D & D sessions.
[0:45] Zealot Benmergui: It is easy to forget that however when one is immersed in an intense emotional connection in Second Life. It seems just perfectly natural that the object of your undying affection is a furry snake that walks on two legs and wears a Def Leppard t-shirt. That kind of thing is accepted as a given. The problem comes in when emotions get involved. Many people have trouble understanding HOW the emotions you feel about your bipedal angora snake can be at all real. After all, it is a ROLE PLAYING GAME. Isn’t attaching emotions of love and lust to such a think sort of insane. How is this different then the freaks who change their legal name to Obi-Wan Aragorn Shwartzman?
[0:45] ***CI***: lol
[0:46] ***CI***: @def leopard t shirt
[0:46] Zealot Benmergui: Of course, there will always be those who take advantage of the virtual nature of online worlds. Pretending to be someone in RL that they aren’t, or using the concept of role playing and avatars to excuse acting like an ass, but then, people tend to do that in the real world all the time as well, with no excuse that they are playing the role of Mistress Silkythighs Mancrusher, Free Woman of Gor. Human interaction on any level is about presenting a certain face or aspect of your personality…in SL, we just do that more obviously..and with more talkative genitals.
[0:47] ***MM***: mmm genitals
[0:47] ***CI*** drouls like Homer Simpson
[0:47] ***MM*** hands ***CI*** a bib
[0:47] ***IM***: You mean they don't really talk!?!
[0:48] ***CI*** ties the bib to her thigh
[0:48] Zealot Benmergui: How then does one deal with this conflict...the fact that online D/s tends to be real emotions in a fictional reality? Can it be done? Many people say we can;t, and are deluding ourselves to think this is anything more then a game...like jerking off during a game of Clue. Sick and sad, no matter how freakin Hot Miss Scarlett looks.
[0:48] ***CI***: lmao
[0:49] ***CI***: she is pretty hot though
[0:49] Zealot Benmergui: Mine does Miss ***IM***, but only to me..and usually tells me to KILL.
[0:50] Zealot Benmergui: I have found that there is usually no way to convince people who don;t get it about the power or relevency to emotions you feel here. It is like teaching a dog to wear a hat. You can, but they don;t like it..and will eventually just slobber on it anyway
[0:51] Zealot Benmergui: Best to focus on how you yourself can navigate the fine line between role playing and emotional reality in Online D/s.
[0:51] Zealot Benmergui: First and foremost, it is important to keep in mind that there IS a line.
[0:52] Zealot Benmergui: Many relationships in SL ARE just about the role play...Someone just has a thing for being told what to do by a man with 4 ***CF***t horns wearing a sailor suit.
[0:53] ***CI***: lol
[0:53] Zealot Benmergui: That is great, and wonderful, and perfectly viable...never talk down the value of such things just for the fun of it...noone HAS to fill their online relationships with emotion and angst and whatnot....there is a place in SL for sheer wanking material.
[0:53] ***AK*** looks around for someone with horns
[0:54] Zealot Benmergui: TO say such things don;t matter or are wrong is just as dangerous to assume that ALL the people you meet are just as emotionally connected to this as you are.
[0:54] ***SS***R raises hand
[0:54] ***CI*** starts a bitch fight
[0:55] ***CI*** laughs
[0:55] Zealot Benmergui: Which is the next essential rule to keep in mind..once you have FOUND the fine line between RP and RL...be sure that you and the person you are with cross it together...to many relationships end up with one person in love and the other just playing a game.
[0:55] ***SM***: mmm bitch fight
[0:55] Zealot Benmergui: Yes Miss ***SS***?
[0:55] ***SS***: But, some forget they are not playing with a computer, but that the avatar they are with IS in fact another human being on the other end.
[0:55] ***IM*** nods
[0:55] Zealot Benmergui: EXACTLY Miss ***SS***
[0:56] Zealot Benmergui: That is the problem that comes upo when one is playing a game, while the other is taking everything here verty seriously...They are both right, for themselves...but they are not in Sync.
[0:57] ***CI***: the same happens in rl
[0:57] Zealot Benmergui: It is essential that before you allow yourself to give yourself over to emotion, you make sure that the target of your ardor isn;t just here because their WoW server is down.
[0:57] ***MM*** laughs
[0:57] ***CI***: lol...good point
[0:57] Zealot Benmergui: Of course Miss ***CI***, but it is easier to miss here, and far less likely to be discoivered until it is too late, and someone gets hurt.
[0:57] ***AK***: You are right ***CI***, its just harder to find someone with 4 ***CF***t horns
[0:58] Zealot Benmergui scribbles a number on a card and hands it to ***AK***...
[0:58] ***CI***: lol
[0:58] Zealot Benmergui: Call this, after 2 Am, ask for Omar.
[0:58] ***CI***: LMFAO
[0:58] ***AK***: WOOOOT :)
[0:59] ***AP***: Yes, a real person with real emotions
[0:59] Zealot Benmergui: Once you have defined the limnits of the role play, and are reasonably certain that the other person is also connected to the emotion, and not just the game....this is where the real caution needs to begin.
[0:59] Zealot Benmergui: It is also where the role play can become tremendously useful
[1:00] Zealot Benmergui: Commedians will use smoking as a way to time their jokes...gag, smoke during laughter, another gag...
[1:01] Zealot Benmergui: Porn stars will use the dialog about wanting to become a supermodel along with their 4 sorority sisters to break up the fucking...
[1:01] ***MM***: mmm porn
[1:01] ***AP***: What do you used Sir?
[1:01] ***CI***: i usually fast forward that part
[1:01] Zealot Benmergui: Role playing can be used to slow down and focus online relationshiops, which can very easily run wild due to the immediacy of the medium
[1:01] Zealot Benmergui: Mainly I use Mali saying Mmmm Cock
[1:02] ***MM***: ROFL
[1:02] ***AP***: *use (It's early!) lol thanks
[1:02] ***CI*** grins...could we get a sample of that?
[1:02] ***MM***: mmm cock
[1:02] ***AK***: As part beast everyone needs to wait for the cycle of the 2nd full moon after sulstice before i can Masterbate :)
[1:02] Zealot Benmergui: We all know how fast things move online, and how you can go from meeting someone to being their soulmate in about 10 minutes
[1:03] ***CI***: yeah
[1:03] Zealot Benmergui: less if you aren;t wearing to many prims
[1:03] ***AK***: Thanks god for his prims
[1:03] Zealot Benmergui: Role playing can be used to impose a certain amount of leisure..caution..it gives you something to do...
[1:03] Zealot Benmergui: It can give you a way to get to know the other person in a more convnetional way then the normal brainsucking that happens in SL
[1:04] ***SS***: And some of us lust roleplay
[1:04] Zealot Benmergui: Exactly...which is the last rule which I wished to discuss
[1:04] Zealot Benmergui: Embrace the role play..enjoy it, take it for what it is worth...
[1:05] Zealot Benmergui: How many other times will you have a chance to have a wild passionate affair with a 2 ***CF***t tall Marmoset named stanley?
[1:05] ***SS***: In SL, several
[1:05] ***AK***: WHo told you Z, i demand to know. !!!!
[1:05] Zealot Benmergui: when you actually like the person playing the maromoset, maybe even love them..that just makes the fur between your teeth worthwhile
[1:05] ***AP***: giggles
[1:06] Zealot Benmergui: To sum things up a little bit....
[1:06] ***CI*** spits out some left over fur
[1:06] Zealot Benmergui: Role playing is an essxential part of all human interaction, but especially in SL.
[1:06] ***MM*** starts handing out lamb pictures
[1:06] Zealot Benmergui: This should not be denied or fought against, but accepted and used.
[1:06] ***AK***: Sheep pics for Sean, he likes em mature
[1:06] ***SM***: mmm sheep
[1:06] ***CI***: lol
[1:07] Zealot Benmergui: I like to use four rules or guidelines when discussing the juxtaposition of role playing with real emotions...
[1:07] Zealot Benmergui: 1) Make sure you have a clear idea where the role play stops and yourheart begins...
[1:07] Zealot Benmergui: 2) Make sure that the other person is viewing thinsg the same way as you are
[1:08] Zealot Benmergui: 3) Use the role play as an element of your relationship, using it to get to know one another better and explore things you normally couldn;t in rl
[1:09] Zealot Benmergui: and 4) Embrace the role play for itself, don;t view it as a negative, but an increidly positive in a relationship online.,.,.a thing that can be and should be very very empowering, removing limits we normally face
[1:09] ***CI***: amen to that
[1:09] ***AK***: hmmm im horny now.
[1:09] ***AP***: agrees
[1:10] Zealot Benmergui: Remember that role play is a wonderful thing, as long as everyone KNOW what is role play, and what is real...as long as that is kept clear, and you are careful with who you love and when...then you will have a great time...and likely get some Vampire Jedi tail at the same time.
[1:10] Zealot Benmergui: Now then, I will as always open the floor to questions, discussions, and belly dancing.
[1:10] ***CI***: lol
[1:11] ***AP***: That i would like to see, Sir
[1:11] ***mM***: :)
[1:11] ***SA***: mm yea Z .... shake it for us!
[1:11] ***MM***: LOL
[1:11] ***AP***: giggles
[1:11] Zealot Benmergui: I suppose I shouldn;t mention belly dancing and that the lecturer accepts tips directly in the same sentence
[1:11] ***SA*** flicks a 20 at Z
[1:11] Zealot Benmergui: but shit, I just did
[1:11] ***SM*** nodds..." we love Z"
[1:11] ***mM***: no perhaps you shouldn't,, lol
[1:12] Zealot Benmergui: How many of you have been in virtual worlds OTHER then Sl?
[1:12] ***SS***: I have
[1:12] ***mM***: not me
[1:12] ***CF*** raise hand
[1:12] Torakoun Sands: I have
[1:12] Zealot Benmergui: Which, if I may ask?
[1:12] ***CI***: i have not
[1:12] ***SS***: WoW, AoC
[1:12] ***SA***: ive played RL occasionally
[1:12] Zealot Benmergui: And did you find the nature of role play there to be different then here?
[1:12] ***SM***: I live in a make believe world
[1:12] ***CI***: i thougght it was like "The Sims"...that's how it was advertised to me
[1:12] ***SS***: Aye
[1:12] ***SM***: called RL
[1:12] Torakoun Sands: FF11
[1:12] ***CF***: Active Worlds, Cyber Worlds, Plastic Planet, There.com, VZones, Worlds Inc... I suppose VOS counts.
[1:13] Zealot Benmergui: Sean, you ARE a make believe world, we are just your delusions
[1:13] ZHAO2 (BASE): Touched.
[1:13] ***CF***: Pretty much anything that existed since 1995 and had some flair of 3D to it. Though I tried 2D.
[1:13] ***IM***: IRC?
[1:13] ***SM***: mmm delusions
[1:13] ***AK***: Anyone here been on Sociolotron?
[1:13] ***MM*** slaps ***AK***
[1:13] ***SS***: There, nothing is taken seriously. Here, as you aren't busy slaying critters to get your spending cash, you actually have time to be social
[1:13] ***CF***: IRC is a chat, not a world. :x
[1:13] ***AD***: thank you Zealot, I have learnt much today, but I need to go now
[1:13] ***SA*** notices how Z took her money and still hasnt danced ......
[1:14] ***SM*** starts chant "dance, dance,dance,dance"
[1:14] ***AP***: Whispers to ***SA***: you need to tuck the money in his cleavage!
[1:14] ***CI***: dancre dance dance dance
[1:14] Zealot Benmergui: NO promises were made..now Sean, the grownups are talking
[1:14] ***SA***: oooooooOOOOOoooo
[1:14] ***SM***: mmm cleavage
[1:14] ***SA***: ouch Z
[1:14] ***SA***: ouch!
[1:14] ***IM***: actually some of the IRC is a world, like some of the Gor places, it's just a text interface.
[1:15] ***SM***: sorry Dad
[1:15] ***CF***: Well you can RP everywhere. That doesnt turn it into a world.
[1:15] Zealot Benmergui grumbles and shimmeys slightly
[1:15] ***MM*** moans
[1:15] ***AP***: lol
[1:15] ***CI*** giggles
[1:15] ***SA*** cheers!!!!!
[1:15] ***SM*** gigglefits
[1:15] ***CI***: .....:::::::::::::::::::APPLAUSE::::::::::::::::::::.....
[1:15] ***CI***: .....:::::::::::::::::::APPLAUSE::::::::::::::::::::.....
[1:15] ***CI***: .....:::::::::::::::::::APPLAUSE::::::::::::::::::::.....
[1:15] ***SA*** chants ... Take it off take it off!
[1:15] ***CI***: take it off!
[1:15] ***CI***: lol
[1:15] Zealot Benmergui: True...many people role play in rl, without ever knowing it
[1:16] ***SA***: yea
[1:16] ***IM***: everyone roleplays in RL.
[1:16] ***CF***: In that regard i'd treat every single corporate environment as a virtual world designed for RPing
[1:16] ***SA***: A roleplays a guy irl and doesnt know it
[1:16] Zealot Benmergui: Miss ***CF***, I know you as someone who has given a lot of thought to the nature of Virtual Worlds...do you find that the emotional elements in Sl are the same in most worlds, or does SL tend to be more relationship based?
[1:16] ***CF***: Except missions involve meetings and your quests are for meeting the deadline and not get fired
[1:17] Zealot Benmergui: nods
[1:17] ***CF***: People are people - there's always been a heavy relationship element. But I noticed that There.com and SecondLife have it more then most of the other creativity oriented virtual worlds
[1:17] ***CF***: Mostly because our avatars are now far more capable of expressing things then the older systems
[1:17] ***DB***: slips in quietly waves
[1:17] ***DB***: smiles
[1:17] ***CI***: who made that point before...about sl having no real objective as a game...
[1:17] Zealot Benmergui: Well, I know that coming to Sl from other worlds, the lack of a goal or unifying concept made it far more focused on personal interaction.
[1:17] ***CI***: it's a total social environment
[1:18] ***IM*** nods
[1:18] ***CF***: Active Worlds also lacked a goal and was very creativity oriented. But it had far less of a relationship thing going in there
[1:18] Zealot Benmergui: No missions to run, no way to win, or advance
[1:18] ***CF***: I think that the ability to express yourself better with your avatar made a diference - even if just psycologically
[1:18] Zealot Benmergui: What was lacking, or what did Sl have?
[1:18] Zealot Benmergui: Why do you think that was Miss ***CF***?
[1:18] ***SS***: I did. I came from goaloriented MMORPGs, and for the most part, they seemed to be much more about flings than real relationships
[1:19] ***CF***: In Active Worlds, you could not customize your avatar. Each place you entered had its own list of avatars the owner put up for you to choose from for that moment
[1:19] ***CF***: There.com and SL made a big difference in letting you make your own unique appearence
[1:19] ***SS***: That and it was not easy to trust letting loose in those, as WoW and SWG had a lot of underage players
[1:19] Zealot Benmergui: Nods...you could define who you were better....
[1:19] ***AP***: admires ***AK***' new horns!
[1:19] ***CF***: SecondLife is still the only world where I can recognize my friends from screenshots alone - without name titles
[1:19] ***AK*** thanks the fair human ***AP***.
[1:20] ***CI***: good point
[1:20] ***CF***: In most cases, face shots are enough. Since most of us managed to make unique faces, or heads atleast.
[1:20] Zealot Benmergui: Nods...you will very rarely find two avatars that look the same, unless they are playing a "character", like Popeye
[1:20] ***AK*** feels ***AP***'s loveing touch as she strokes his long hard horns.
[1:20] ***CF***: That makes everything feel much more alive
[1:20] ***IM*** has faceblindness.
[1:20] ***CI***: or they are naughty friends playing twins
[1:20] ***CI*** giggles
[1:20] Zealot Benmergui: Do you think that also encourages the emotional nature of life here...the always popular "drama"?
[1:21] ***MM***: no...that's present in the mmo's too
[1:21] ***CI***: i have a gripe about that
[1:21] ***AP*** was getting a coffee - but has caught up, ***AK*** lol
[1:21] ***MM***: you're just usually arguing about loot instead of sex
[1:21] ***CF***: Well, you may be able to express your identity better, btu like MMO's, in the end - SecondLife is on the internets. That lets people bring out the sides they usually supress.
[1:21] ***CI***: can we define "drama?"
[1:21] Zealot Benmergui: Loot..sex...there's a difference?
[1:22] ***SS***: Well, I find that there tends to be about the same as in MMO's. Difference being this world is large enough you can sidestep a good ammount of drama here, while other places you just can't
[1:22] ***AK***: Dont forget forced. YUMMY
[1:22] Zealot Benmergui: You can certainly do things here, and act in ways you would never do in RL.
[1:22] ***CF***: e.g. most people wouldnt appriciate seeing me sitting naked in the middle of a discussion event.
[1:22] ***CF***: But here its nothing different.
[1:22] ***IM***: true being able to silence someone by meerly walking away does add some realism.
[1:22] ***SM***: what are u saying...cant i wear a dress in RL
[1:22] ***AK***: ***SA*** wake up
[1:22] Zealot Benmergui: The social rules are different due to the virtual nature
[1:22] ***SM***: ohhh...shee s awake
[1:23] ***SS***: That depends ***CF***. There's clubs all over the US where one can take classes in the nude on BDSM. There's one in Seattle, for instance
[1:23] ***VS***: But its more than that
[1:23] Zealot Benmergui: That carries through I find into relationships..we take risks and push boundaries we never would in rl...or at least not as quickly
[1:23] ***CF***: ***SS*** - exactly my point: You have to go to special places. Here I'm just running around in the nude 90% of the time.
[1:23] ***CF***: Saves me money on cloths
[1:23] ***AP***: giggles and looks
[1:23] ***IM*** giggles
[1:23] ***SS***: But i LIKE having a thousand outfits
[1:23] Zealot Benmergui: Also here you can sit down to have a serious business discussion to a man in a Master Chief suit.
[1:24] ***AP***: oh yes, i love to shop here!
[1:24] Zealot Benmergui: it isn;t viewed as a big deal..
[1:24] ***CF***: Well then thats your thing. :x
[1:24] ***SS***: Well, I have to have something to rip of and throw on the floor before I grab sexy redheads and have my way with them
[1:24] ***SA*** throws a spitball at A
[1:24] Zealot Benmergui: Which is another good point Miss ***CF***..because of the oencouraged...you can find someone on the grid who is into almost anything.
[1:24] ***SM*** winks at A
[1:25] ***IM***: SL has gotten big enough that everyone can find his kith. there is everything somewhere here.
[1:25] ***SS***: Thogh for some, it's damn hard to find
[1:25] ***CF***: Except for casual non-sexual social places that dont try to sell you stuff ;D
[1:26] Zealot Benmergui: And that ledas to greater emotional connection....you are more likely to find someon that you feel "understands" you
[1:26] ***IM*** laughs out loud
[1:26] ***SS***: There's such a place?
[1:26] ***CF***: I'm still searching.
[1:26] Zealot Benmergui: There was one, it closed a year ago
[1:26] ***CI***: lol
[1:26] ***SS***: Lack of interest, i do believe :P
[1:26] ***AP***: not enough shops
[1:26] Zealot Benmergui: People just sat there silently while cybering in IM
[1:27] ***IM***: Hahaha
[1:27] ***CF***: I dont wanna dance or sex out, or shop. I just wanna go somewhere and have an intelligent conversation on random thingies. That puts me at a minority.
[1:27] ***CF***: So for now I keep bouncing from one discussion event to another
[1:27] ***IM***: Well, it is hard when one is naked.
[1:27] ***CF***: You get used to it. :3
[1:27] ***AP***: oh i think we all want intelligent convo too - well maybe not all of us lol
[1:27] ***IM***: yeah, but the people one wants to talk to don't, hehe
[1:28] ***CF***: :<
[1:28] ***AP***: those noobs that walk around with their cocks out for one thing...dont care much for convo's
[1:28] ***MM***: thank god
[1:28] Zealot Benmergui: I totally agree Miss ***CF***...by and large it requires a lot of filering to find people you wish to talk to or spend time with..in RL, it can beassumed that in certain places, you will find such things..While in SL, there is nowhere where someone won;t say "Hey, you hott, we make sex now..OOOOO me see yer titties..RAWR"
[1:28] ***VS***: well, poor things
[1:28] ***VS***: they will get there
[1:28] ***IM*** giggles
[1:28] ***CF***: Fine. Ok. I get the hint.
[1:28] ***CF***: I'll make a Nerd Bar.
[1:28] ***SS***: I get that while at my modeling job
[1:29] Zealot Benmergui: OK, that sounds like it would be hot...
[1:30] Zealot Benmergui: That there is a lack at times of intelligent conversation in Sl can;t be denied...which also tends to make the role play element both more important in relationships,. but also more destructive.
[1:30] Zealot Benmergui: It can be way to easy to fall into "Character", even when the person you are with isn;t role playing in an emotional sense.
[1:31] Zealot Benmergui: Second Lifeencourages such things, right down to the way Linden markets the game
[1:31] Zealot Benmergui: while really, for all the upset, sex and relationships are what tends to drive new membership
[1:31] ***IM***: All the mentors were saying there was a huge influx of people after the story of the divorce because the guy was having sex with a virtual prostitute.
[1:31] Zealot Benmergui: consider the recent tale of the couple in Britain that are divorcing due to infidelity, so called, in SL
[1:32] ***IM***: hehe
[1:32] Zealot Benmergui: exactly...and there has been
[1:32] ***AP***: lol
[1:32] Zealot Benmergui: I first came to Sl for sex, silly to deny it..I even wrote about it for the recent Blogger Mix and Match
[1:32] ***CF***: Its true that every time there's a sex scandal about SL in the news, people flood in rather then out.
[1:32] ***IM*** nods
[1:32] ***VS***: Yes, but 90% of them never come back after 1 hour
[1:33] ***AP***: They do indeed, great adverting for SL
[1:33] ***CF***: When they realize they have to work to look good. :(
[1:33] Zealot Benmergui: I found a lot more here, obviously..or not so obviouslyu...but still...sex sells is a truism, no matter if you are online or in meat space
[1:33] ***MM***: well I don't think there's anything wrong with coming here just for sex, as long as you're honest about it
[1:33] ***VS***: why the others stay is interesting to consider
[1:33] ***AK***: So anyone up for some sex?
[1:33] ***CF***: I came here since i'm obsessed with virtual worlds. The ability to create in virtual spaces, share, communicate, etc'. Then after awhile I realized I can get naked and no one will be mad at me. So.
[1:34] ***VS*** laughs
[1:34] ***SM*** raises his hand
[1:34] Zealot Benmergui: I have found, and in this way it is relevant to the lecture, that people stay mainly due to the people they meet
[1:34] ***IM***: Oh, true
[1:34] ***SA***: and by raises his hand .. he means bends over
[1:34] ***AK***: grab my horns Sean Lets go.
[1:35] Zealot Benmergui: Well, I have always held there are four main types of people who remain in SL...
[1:35] ***IM*** nods
[1:35] Zealot Benmergui: The Gamer, here to play
[1:35] Zealot Benmergui: The Early Adopter, here for the technical elements
[1:35] Zealot Benmergui: The Socialogist, here for Sl as a social experiment
[1:36] ***CI***: when i first came to sl...i thought this was a game described to me a lot like "The Sims." Probably much like most...i immeadiately got wrapped up in the hedonisic nature of this world. Also, coinidentally, i'm a pervert. But...i still had no idea about the emotional connections that you can form with another soul through role play. In the begining...i didn't even give out my real picture...i gave out my hotter rl sister's picture. I used it as an element to make myself appear more sexy in the context of sexual role play......and online BDSM has some pretty intense sexual roleplay.
[1:36] Zealot Benmergui: and the Alternatist, people who are seeking things, such as relationships, that they either can;t in the real world, or that they wish to enhance due to the virtual nature of SL
[1:36] ***AP***: What about the business man/woman?
[1:36] ***CI***: until i thought i fell in love
[1:37] Zealot Benmergui: Designers and crators tend to be a mix of different categories
[1:37] ***CI***: my fisrt "real" relationship
[1:37] ***CI***: in sl
[1:37] ***CI***: long time ago now lol
[1:37] Zealot Benmergui: nods to Miss ***CI***
[1:37] Zealot Benmergui: yes, many of us have a certain situation or person that causes our view of things here to change
[1:37] ***CI***: in sl years...what is the conversion on that, btw?
[1:37] Zealot Benmergui: after that, the genie can;t go back in the bottle
[1:37] ***IM***: Oh true, Sir.
[1:38] Zealot Benmergui: I tend to count each month here as 6 irl
[1:38] ***AP***: As hard as you try to push him back in
[1:38] ***CI***: yes...
[1:38] ***VS***: but... what does that mean, the genie --
[1:39] ***VS***: ?
[1:39] Zealot Benmergui: We each have our own genie to push, Miss ***VS***..how we push him is up to us
[1:39] ***AP***: thinks Sir looks like a genie...still a white puffy cloud to her
[1:39] ***IM***: girl pulls hers.
[1:39] Zealot Benmergui: Really?
[1:40] ***AP***: yes, Sir, if i hadnt of come in late, i would have told you
[1:40] ***AP***: but that's prob just my comp
[1:40] Zealot Benmergui: I hate being cloudy,...m,ake sme feel like I am not really fresh
[1:40] ***mM***: Thanks Z.. very interesting class... bye all
[1:40] ***AP***: well i cant smell you from here, so i think you're fine Sir
[1:41] Zealot Benmergui: Well, we not I think have a firmer idea of why Sl tends to be more relationship driven then some other virtual worlds...but what ways can we use that to our advantage...would someone like to discuss a positive Role play they had in Sl, sex does not need to be included
[1:42] Zealot Benmergui: Or perhaps that is another lecture completely
[1:42] ***AP***: Meeting friends and staying good friends - away from SL is positive, Sir
[1:42] ***AK***: Daddy, Daughter play has never failed or confused matters with me. Neither has forced or rape play.
[1:43] ***SA*** sticks a finger in one of A's pipes
[1:43] ***AK***: As for the RP sim I AM LEGEND that was fucking scary man, couldnt sleep for a week
[1:43] Zealot Benmergui: I will bring this to a close now...next lecture here at House of V for me will be Monday Morning 7 Am Slt time...called "The Morning AfterL After care in SL"
[1:43] ***AP***: LOL And then there is the Matrix!
[1:43] ***IM***: Getting back to roleplay, girl thinks there is a very close relation to theater, both in the fourth wall and suspending disbelief. Here we have places we simply don't look when we are in world. Also we accept the furries and snakes with legs as normal, suspending disbelief. That makes us much more succeptable to allowing our emotions to be in play.
[1:43] Zealot Benmergui: my lecture schedule is now up on my blog at http://bardhaven.wordpress.com
[1:44] ***SA***: hmmm .. dont you just toss them 10L and say Kthanxbai?
[1:44] Zealot Benmergui: not shutting down the discussion, just getting the business out of the way