Edgeplay - 5/26/09

[12:00] Dominic Rahja: ok , class is gonna start now
[12:01] Dominic Rahja: Im coming a little closer
[12:01] ***ES***: Hello ***eP***.
[12:01] Dominic Rahja: else its such a distance
[12:01] Dominic Rahja: greets ***eP***
[12:01] Dominic Rahja: welcome all at the college of kink
[12:01] ***eP***: ty Sir
[12:02] Dominic Rahja: lemme explain a bit about how class is managed
[12:02] Dominic Rahja: I usually do a short introduction of the topic
[12:02] Dominic Rahja: then I got some copy and paste work
[12:02] Dominic Rahja: after that, there room for open discussion
[12:02] Dominic Rahja: if you got any questions or remarkd
[12:02] Dominic Rahja: remarks
[12:03] Dominic Rahja: type an @
[12:03] Dominic Rahja: and I stop to let you speak
[12:03] Dominic Rahja: class is all done in text chat
[12:03] Dominic Rahja: I wont react to voicing
[12:03] Dominic Rahja: hello ***DM***
[12:04] ***DM***: hi
[12:04] Dominic Rahja: the topic for todays class is called Edge play
[12:04] Dominic Rahja: I think many of you heard of this word
[12:04] Dominic Rahja: certainly those who are into a D/s life style
[12:04] ***NZ***: Master explain pls
[12:04] Dominic Rahja: I will baby
[12:04] ***NZ***: just in case
[12:05] ***NZ***: ha yes sorry Master
[12:05] Dominic Rahja: the reason for this topic is..
[12:05] Dominic Rahja: here on sl, you see a lot of edge play going on
[12:05] Dominic Rahja: and I wonder in waht way it all is D/s
[12:05] Dominic Rahja: D/s stands for Dominance/submission
[12:05] Dominic Rahja: ok
[12:06] Dominic Rahja: I'll explain what edge play is now
[12:06] Dominic Rahja: Today’s class handles about a section of BDSM which we call “Edge play”.
[12:06] Dominic Rahja: In fact you can split BD and SM. Edgeplay belongs to the Sadistic Masochist side of it.
[12:06] Dominic Rahja: The word edge play refers to playing near the edge.
[12:07] Dominic Rahja: There where Safe, Sane and Consensual come in question.
[12:07] Dominic Rahja: In other words: more or less the Extreme fetishes in a BDSM play.
[12:07] Dominic Rahja: greets Greenleaf
[12:07] Dominic Rahja: In usual D/s relationships, edgeplay is discussed, but never carried out in practice.
[12:07] Dominic Rahja: This because of it’s extreme nature.
[12:07] Dominic Rahja: In SL however, it’s a very common thing.
[12:08] Dominic Rahja: Most BDSM SIMs in SL actually show edgeplay, but then of course in a virtual way.
[12:08] Dominic Rahja: hey hey ***TY***
[12:08] Dominic Rahja: welcome
[12:08] Dominic Rahja: What does edgeplay contain?
[12:08] ***TY***: hi Dom
[12:08] ***TY***: hey Nef
[12:08] Dominic Rahja: Well I can make a summary of it, but there are probably a lot more scenes you could add to it.
[12:08] Dominic Rahja: For instance: burning, cutting, rape, hanging, breath play, blood, toilet play, extreme public humiliation, pony play, bestiality, deformation, etc.
[12:09] Dominic Rahja: Many new to BDSM and only know about it from SL, could get the idea, that BDSM in general is about extreme domination, or SadoMasochism.
[12:09] Dominic Rahja: Of course that isn’t the right image.
[12:09] Dominic Rahja: Edgeplay in SL is of course easier to carry out than it is in RL, but still can shock people.
[12:09] Dominic Rahja: a note:
[12:10] Dominic Rahja: the reason why you see so much extreme torture in SL, is mainly because it does attract people
[12:10] Dominic Rahja: people are curious by nature
[12:10] Dominic Rahja: hey Slip
[12:10] ***SF***: hello Sir
[12:10] ***SF***: Hello Miss Nef
[12:10] Dominic Rahja: For most of us in BDSM SL, it became quite a common sight, to see subs being punished and tortured in that way.
[12:11] ***NZ***: hello ***SF***
[12:11] Dominic Rahja: SL is about having fun, and edgeplay can add to that.
[12:11] Dominic Rahja: But the risk is that people might think BDSM lifestylers are a bunch of freaks, sadists who get off by the look of someone in pain or agony.
[12:11] Dominic Rahja: I must also add that SL does provide a practice area for the “sick minded”.
[12:11] Dominic Rahja: If you look at some peoples profiles, I’m sometimes stunned of what they wrote in it
[12:12] Dominic Rahja: Also the way of some people approaching another, the language used, and that most times in IM, makes me wonder if we are not dealing with a real perv.
[12:12] Dominic Rahja: in other words:
[12:12] Dominic Rahja: this has nothing to do with BDSM anymore
[12:12] Dominic Rahja: but just gaming
[12:12] ***DS***: ill follow you
[12:12] Dominic Rahja: greets ***HC***
[12:12] Dominic Rahja: and ***DS***
[12:13] Dominic Rahja: welcome to college of kink
[12:13] ***DS***: hiiii
[12:13] ***HC***: hello dominic
[12:13] Dominic Rahja: BDSM unlike virtually any other lifestyle offers the potential to extend the experiences of the individual into new realms and areas that they have never had the opportunity to explore before
[12:13] Dominic Rahja: In the beginning everything is a challenge.
[12:13] ***HC***: is this text or audio?
[12:13] Dominic Rahja: text
[12:14] Dominic Rahja: if I go to fast, then just tell me
[12:14] Dominic Rahja: From the action of merely speaking an honorific title such as Mistress/Master to learning the basic responses, positions and commands that you desire for them to utilize when with you.
[12:14] Dominic Rahja: These basic foundations are crucial to building the type of relationship that grows, evolves and flourishes.
[12:14] Dominic Rahja: But, at some point your submissive gets it!
[12:15] Dominic Rahja: They conquer that phase of the learning process and your exchange together in 'scene' may be reaching a plateau.
[12:15] Dominic Rahja: You have spent considerable time in conversation with your submissive about 'their perceived limits!'
[12:15] Dominic Rahja: I say it this way on purpose.
[12:15] Dominic Rahja: In any relationship limits are guessed at.
[12:16] Dominic Rahja: many I mean
[12:16] Dominic Rahja: In a new sub they are to some extent completely unknown.
[12:16] Dominic Rahja: A person cannot know what they like or dislike if they have never had any occasion to experience them.
[12:16] ***NZ***: nods
[12:16] Dominic Rahja: There are some absolutes - these (in general may be children and animals - scat is also Very often a firm taboo!)
[12:17] Dominic Rahja: Beyond these absolute limits there is a huge playing field.
[12:17] Dominic Rahja: EDGE PLAY is the action of offering new challenges to the Edges of play you and your submissive are already familiar with.
[12:17] Dominic Rahja: Every physical challenge is equally mentally challenging as it is asking your submissive to reach beyond where they think they can . . . for you . . . for them!
[12:18] Dominic Rahja: It may be as simple as progressing from one set of clamps to another . . . from spanking to the introduction of the crop.
[12:18] ***SF*** smiels
[12:18] Dominic Rahja: It may be as complex as sensory deprivation and trust play.
[12:18] Dominic Rahja: When is it time?
[12:18] Dominic Rahja: First it is crucial that you have a strong established trust!
[12:19] Dominic Rahja: Second, you must have a pretty good working knowledge as to your sub's mindset, their attitude, moods, desires.
[12:19] Dominic Rahja: Explore things conversationally at first.
[12:19] Dominic Rahja: Express thoughts about say (a photo you have seen and shared), a scene you saw in a movie or read about . . . see what makes your sub nervously excited.
[12:19] Dominic Rahja: This is called 'planting a seed'.
[12:20] Dominic Rahja: It forewarns your sub of where you are thinking.
[12:20] Dominic Rahja: It allows them to talk to you in advance and prepare mentally and fantasize!
[12:20] Dominic Rahja: This is important when your relationship is fairly young.
[12:20] Dominic Rahja: It is fragile.
[12:21] Dominic Rahja: Trust is so very important that you cannot thrust something on them 'in scene' that they might consider a violation of their limits.
[12:21] Dominic Rahja: Out of scene later such a transgression may destroy your relationship and all of your hopes and dreams . . .
[12:21] Dominic Rahja: To me, the peak of EDGE PLAY is within the mind itself.
[12:21] Dominic Rahja: It is to take the submissive further, to trust deeper, fly higher than they have ever believed possible.
[12:22] Dominic Rahja: For each submissive the tools used to assist them are different, it is a truth that every one is different and unique.
[12:22] Dominic Rahja: Discovering their personal triggers and using them is perhaps the greatest challenge and joy a dominant can experience!
[12:22] Dominic Rahja: ok
[12:22] Dominic Rahja: so far the pasting
[12:23] Dominic Rahja: if you listened well, you might have noticed a controverse
[12:23] Dominic Rahja: when I started the introduction I was mentioning the risks of SL
[12:23] Dominic Rahja: about edge play places here that might trigger the wrong idea
[12:24] Dominic Rahja: but then further up I more and more started to talk about challenges
[12:24] Dominic Rahja: and putting your relationship uopon a higher level
[12:25] Dominic Rahja: it is a fact that exploration of whats possible between the limits of your fantasy , makes D/s more adventurous
[12:25] Dominic Rahja: as long!
[12:25] Dominic Rahja: the 3 keywords are valued
[12:25] Dominic Rahja: safe
[12:25] Dominic Rahja: sane
[12:25] Dominic Rahja: consensual
[12:26] Dominic Rahja: whatever kink or fetish one may have
[12:26] Dominic Rahja: always discuss it first
[12:26] Dominic Rahja: and probably you will see you both are like wise thinking
[12:26] Dominic Rahja: but now after discussing it, your sure about it
[12:27] Dominic Rahja: when exploring, take it step by step
[12:27] Dominic Rahja: I mean it would be wierd as soon you found a nice sub girl at HoV....
[12:27] Dominic Rahja: and the next you put her on a bbq
[12:28] Dominic Rahja: god knows she likes it laffs
[12:28] Dominic Rahja: but big chance she doesnt
[12:28] ***OT***: but she always taste like chicken to Me
[12:28] Dominic Rahja: hehe
[12:28] ***TY***: and then you have to find a new sub
[12:28] Dominic Rahja: so far
[12:28] ***TY***: ::sighs::
[12:28] Dominic Rahja: any questions?
[12:28] ***HC***: why is this forum mandatory?
[12:29] Dominic Rahja: thats probably how HoV staff like to call it
[12:29] Dominic Rahja: I simpy teach
[12:29] ***OT***: so these limits you speak of......is that in relation to both sub and slave?
[12:29] Dominic Rahja: so I dont know why its mandatory
[12:30] ***HC***: its good to have these discussions... i go to them at d/s academy
[12:30] Dominic Rahja: first ***OT***s question
[12:30] ***HC***: can we stretch the topic of discussion?
[12:31] Dominic Rahja: limits are usually set during a talk about D/s between Dominant and sub
[12:31] Dominic Rahja: you got your limits
[12:31] Dominic Rahja: and your sub got limits
[12:31] Dominic Rahja: some are hard limits
[12:31] Dominic Rahja: things ud never cross
[12:31] ***OT***: so you are saying this does not apply to a Master and slave?
[12:31] Dominic Rahja: some are softer limits
[12:32] Dominic Rahja: sure it does
[12:32] Dominic Rahja: how you call the submissive, pet, slave or whatever..
[12:32] Dominic Rahja: limits always apply
[12:32] ***OT***: hmm funny, had thought a slave gave all, not just conditional as a sub does
[12:32] ***OT***: but ok
[12:32] Dominic Rahja: some even set up a contract in which limits are written down
[12:33] Dominic Rahja: that answer covers your question ***OT***?
[12:34] Dominic Rahja: ***HC***? Your question was?
[12:34] ***NZ*** spanks ***SA***'s ass
[12:34] Dominic Rahja: smiles
[12:34] ***SA***: hey
[12:34] ***SA***: :)
[12:34] ***NZ***: ooops
[12:34] ***OT***: she needs another
[12:35] ***NZ***: haa
[12:35] ***OT*** grins
[12:35] ***SA***: hee hee
[12:35] ***SA***: is this exercise class?
[12:35] ***SA***: :P~
[12:35] Dominic Rahja: in any way, I saw mention other schools and teaching places
[12:35] ***OT***: prenatal
[12:35] Dominic Rahja: all have their own ways
[12:35] ***SA***: you look pregnant
[12:35] ***HC***: to me the d/s relationship works best between two people, for me man and woman, i have been frustrated when there are mutiple subs with a dom/master.... do you have thoughts about multiple slaves/subs?
[12:35] ***SA***: :P~
[12:36] Dominic Rahja: I do have thoughts about that yes
[12:36] Dominic Rahja: but it prolly takes a full lecture to explain My thoughts about that
[12:36] Dominic Rahja: in general..
[12:36] ***SF*** grins
[12:36] Dominic Rahja: but please, this is MY opinion..
[12:37] Dominic Rahja: a D/s relationship invloving more than 1 sub or slave, is much more complicated
[12:37] Dominic Rahja: and takes a lot more time investment
[12:37] Dominic Rahja: if everyone in the "family" are well known to eachother
[12:38] Dominic Rahja: and jealousy doesnt play a role, it can work
[12:38] Dominic Rahja: but maybe someone here would like to react to that
[12:39] Dominic Rahja: btw, this has nothing to do with "esge play"
[12:39] Dominic Rahja: edge
[12:39] ***OT***: @
[12:39] ***TY***: @
[12:39] Dominic Rahja: maybe ***HC***, you got an opinion about multiple subs in a family?
[12:39] Dominic Rahja: ***OT***?
[12:40] Dominic Rahja: and after ***OT***, ***TY***
[12:40] ***HC***: your definition of edging is diferent than the one i commonly think about... i consider edging the sexual feelings just before release of an orgasm
[12:40] ***OT***: do you not think that if you know a slave well enough for edgeplay then the factor of trust without question would be more exciting than the limits placed?
[12:41] Dominic Rahja: ok ***HC***, in this sense, edgeplay is about extreme D's dominantion, like torture etc
[12:41] Dominic Rahja: surely ***OT***
[12:41] ***OT*** nods
[12:41] Dominic Rahja: when a relationship is well established
[12:41] Dominic Rahja: you know the sub/slave very well
[12:42] ***HC***: my feelings are that there are so many areas to explore with one person, that a domina having multiple subs takes away from the widest range of mental, emotional, and physical growth thata can be experinced
[12:42] Dominic Rahja: but probably all kinds of talks already passed
[12:42] Dominic Rahja: yes thats the risk of it ***HC***
[12:43] Dominic Rahja: Ive seen a lot of Dominants loosing their way because there was so mucht o think of
[12:43] Dominic Rahja: all subs need attention
[12:43] Dominic Rahja: and the more you got, the busier it gets
[12:43] Dominic Rahja: its a choice one makes
[12:44] Dominic Rahja: I got one sub here sitting at My feet
[12:44] Dominic Rahja: thats good enough for Me
[12:44] Dominic Rahja: we together explore
[12:44] Dominic Rahja: and I give her full attention
[12:44] Dominic Rahja: but like I said before: thats My choice
[12:44] Dominic Rahja: sometimes...
[12:45] Dominic Rahja: a certain roleplay in SL requires having more subs
[12:45] Dominic Rahja: this for instance can happen in Gorean places
[12:45] Dominic Rahja: but if uou like, I can do a class about this topic soon
[12:45] ***aC***: @Dominic, is there ever a hierarchy between the subs? and does one ever delegate responsiblities over other subs?
[12:46] ***TY***: @
[12:46] ***HC***: how often are these classes?
[12:46] Dominic Rahja: ***TY*** first, then I answer your question ***aC***
[12:46] ***TY***: well I just wanted to add... that I've been in multi sub family both rl and sl
[12:46] Dominic Rahja: she was waitinga while already
[12:46] Dominic Rahja: yes
[12:46] ***TY***: I've had an alpha sub above me...
[12:47] ***TY***: that family worked well... the alpha was Master's wife
[12:47] ***TY***: so no jealousy issues were ever a problem
[12:47] Dominic Rahja: yes it can work well for sure
[12:47] Dominic Rahja: and this is the answer to ***aC***'s question as well
[12:47] ***TY***: on sl.. I was the alpha... and again... no jealousy issues.. because I assisted in bringing in the other subs
[12:48] Dominic Rahja: nods
[12:48] ***TY***: making sure they fit with each other
[12:48] ***TY***: and for the Master's needs
[12:48] Dominic Rahja: in most multi sub families there is a hierarchy
[12:48] ***TY***: in both cases females did not begin as bi
[12:48] Dominic Rahja: the one closest to the Dominant, is in charge of a couple of tasks
[12:48] ***TY***: though at the end. some were
[12:48] ***TY***: ::smiles::
[12:49] ***TY***: as Sir Dom said... limits being explored
[12:49] Dominic Rahja: nods
[12:49] Dominic Rahja: people just have to fit together, thats the major issue
[12:49] Dominic Rahja: I mean
[12:49] ***TY***: and yes... as the alpha... I was closest to him... and had to keep the small daily bickering away from him
[12:49] Dominic Rahja: suppose you gota well established family
[12:49] ***TY***: the kind most families deal with
[12:50] Eilish Flanagan is Offline
[12:50] Dominic Rahja: and suddenly a sub comes in the family who doesnt really fit in
[12:50] ***OT***: we call it 1st girl
[12:50] Dominic Rahja: that can break them all
[12:51] Dominic Rahja: 1 st girl is more or less a Gorean title
[12:51] Dominic Rahja: but is used in BDSM as well
[12:51] ***OT***: yes
[12:51] Dominic Rahja: sometimes..
[12:51] Dominic Rahja: it can happen that relativly experienced sub likes to be the bottom
[12:51] Dominic Rahja: fine
[12:51] Dominic Rahja: if thats what she enjoys
[12:51] Dominic Rahja: btw
[12:52] Dominic Rahja: when I type she, I mean he as well
[12:52] Dominic Rahja: we're talking about male and female subs in this manner
[12:53] Dominic Rahja: any more questions or remarks?
[12:53] Dominic Rahja: you know what can be tricky?
[12:54] Dominic Rahja: when you as a Dominant meet up with a sub
[12:54] Dominic Rahja: and both like eachother
[12:54] Dominic Rahja: but!
[12:54] Dominic Rahja: she asks you: Sir
[12:54] Dominic Rahja: I like dolcett and doll play and I want humiliation and gangbanged
[12:54] Dominic Rahja: laffs
[12:55] ***aC***: smiles
[12:55] Dominic Rahja: be careful not to say: but of course girl, that we'll do
[12:55] Dominic Rahja: hehe
[12:55] ***TY***: mumbleswecanreferhermumbles
[12:55] ***TY***: lol
[12:55] Dominic Rahja: of course you can exp[lore that one day
[12:55] Dominic Rahja: but not withing a few days I should say
[12:56] Dominic Rahja: also
[12:56] Dominic Rahja: a sub saying that gives me the first impression of a topping bottom
[12:56] Dominic Rahja: first u gotta know eachother
[12:56] Dominic Rahja: and!
[12:56] Dominic Rahja: a Dominant got limits as well
[12:57] Dominic Rahja: ok
[12:57] Dominic Rahja: I heard someone asking when are classes held here
[12:57] Dominic Rahja: I dont know exactly
[12:57] ***HC***: yes
[12:57] Dominic Rahja: I do class here on tuesdays
[12:57] Dominic Rahja: cept next week, cuz Im on a holiday
[12:58] Dominic Rahja: but if you got a House of V tag, you get the group messages
[12:58] ***cP***: raises eye brows at Dom
[12:58] ***TY***: smiles at Nef
[12:58] Dominic Rahja: alse, you can ask Pirate Rusell, she manages classes here
[12:59] Dominic Rahja: you look good with raised eyebrows cogbnac
[12:59] Dominic Rahja: hehe
[12:59] Dominic Rahja: ok
[12:59] Dominic Rahja: I thank you all for listening in

The Responsibilities of Dominance - 5/22/09

[2009/05/22 12:13] Pirate Russell: Ok, T/those that will, please turn off any radars, MystiTools, etc.
[2009/05/22 12:14] Pirate Russell: Never mind on that, it's not that big a deal here
[2009/05/22 12:14] Pirate Russell: Please take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[2009/05/22 12:14] Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! As most of y'all know, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor. I have been in SL over 3 1/2 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[2009/05/22 12:14] Pirate Russell: For any that need to leave early, all transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2009/05/22 12:15] Pirate Russell: O/our topic today: The Repsonsibility of Dominance
[2009/05/22 12:15] Pirate Russell: I would like to preface this with My usual, EVERY releationship is as different as those that are in it.
[2009/05/22 12:15] Pirate Russell: I used to say the two that are in it, but relationships now include more than two, but I won't go so far as to include the occasional farm animal, though.
[2009/05/22 12:16] Pirate Russell: Dominants have responsibilities and, yes rules, too!
[2009/05/22 12:16] Pirate Russell: The Highest Honour That A Dominant Could Ever Achieve Is The State Of Honour Itself. To Be Completely Respected And Trusted.
[2009/05/22 12:16] Pirate Russell: There Are Some Definite Guidelines About Being A Dominant. With The Ever Growing Population Of "Chatrooms" There Appears To Be A Lot Of Confusion About The Dominants Role In The "Online" Lifestyle.
[2009/05/22 12:16] Pirate Russell: The Foundation Of The Dominant Are Based On 3 Li'l Words:
[2009/05/22 12:16] Pirate Russell: Trust
[2009/05/22 12:16] Pirate Russell: Honour
[2009/05/22 12:16] Pirate Russell: Respect
[2009/05/22 12:17] Pirate Russell: Each Dominant Should Be Able To Display Chararistics Of These Words, Both "Online" As Well As Offline.
[2009/05/22 12:17] Pirate Russell: The Power Exchange Is About Trust Can You Trust Someone Who Dismisses Your Feelings Even In An "Online" Relationship.
[2009/05/22 12:17] Pirate Russell: Playing In Other Chats Or Instant Messengers, Secretly Accepting Other "submissives" All The While He Is Claiming He Is "Trustworthy"?
[2009/05/22 12:18] Pirate Russell: BTW, for clarity, I use "He" for Dominants and "she" for submissives, though I am walking proof that a "She" can be a Dominant.. etc
[2009/05/22 12:18] Pirate Russell: Is It Acceptable For A Dominant To Hide "Online" Things From His submissive?
[2009/05/22 12:18] Pirate Russell: Especially If They Plan On A Real Time Meeting Or Relationship? If They Hiding Things Here, Wonders What They are going to Hide From You RL.
[2009/05/22 12:19] Pirate Russell: One Of The Things A submissive Must Have Is The Confidence In Their Dominant Will Not Harm Them Nor Allow Harm To Come To Them.
[2009/05/22 12:19] Pirate Russell: Trust Must Be Established. This Goes For The Mental Health As Well As The Physical Aspect Of The Relationship.
[2009/05/22 12:19] Pirate Russell: Trust Will Grow As We Respect And Honour Each Other. Please Get To Know The Person You Are Considering To Be In A Relationship With.
[2009/05/22 12:19] Pirate Russell: You Are Trusting Someone With The Most Precious Thing You Have...Your LIFE. You Can Quickly End Up In A Situation That Is Neither Safe, Sane, Nor Consensual.
[2009/05/22 12:20] Pirate Russell: Can You Really Trust Your Life To Someone who Takes No Value Of The Words Trust, Honour & Respect?
[2009/05/22 12:20] Pirate Russell: Welcome, Lexi
[2009/05/22 12:20] Pirate Russell: According to Rules for Masters by Jack Rinella <>
[2009/05/22 12:20] Vincent Panthar whispers: Be seated pet...
[2009/05/22 12:21] Pirate Russell: Make that, "Welcome lexi..." he he
[2009/05/22 12:21] Pirate Russell: 1. Have some rules. Over time, of course, each one of us gains insight into what works and what doesn't. Some of this wisdom is codified into rules.
[2009/05/22 12:21] Lexi Leiner: ~warmly smiles~
[2009/05/22 12:21] JasonG Trafalgar: hello lexi
[2009/05/22 12:21] Pirate Russell: Rules are protective, instructive, and helpful. Having rules means that you know yourself, know what you want and don't want, and understand that everyone, including yourself, has limits.
[2009/05/22 12:21] Hekate Solo: heya lexi
[2009/05/22 12:21] Lexi Leiner: lltower
[2009/05/22 12:21] Pirate Russell: I know some people think they have no limits. They are fooling themselves as we are all constrained by physical nature, economic considerations, legal issues, and moral and ethical realities.
[2009/05/22 12:21] Lexi Leiner: ~ waves silently~
[2009/05/22 12:21] Pirate Russell: We are all limited by the rose colored glasses through which we see the world. Rules help us respect those limits and avoid the trouble that is encountered when we exceed them.
[2009/05/22 12:22] Pirate Russell: 2. Make sure those rules are your rules. You can't (well you can if you want) just go out and find some rules and use them.
[2009/05/22 12:22] Pirate Russell: Rules must take their life from who you are. Rules must reflect the authentic you. If they don't, they will be burdensome and unenforceable.
[2009/05/22 12:22] Pirate Russell: Good rules, then, start from the first rule of life: "Know thyself." I guess I would then temper that with "Love, and then do whatever you will." That doesn't mean that you can't borrow or copy another's rules. By all means do so.
[2009/05/22 12:23] Pirate Russell: There is no reason to reinvent the wheel. If Master so and so has a reason for doing something and you like it, then do it too. Just make sure the rules resonate with who you are and what you want.
[2009/05/22 12:23] Pirate Russell: I can not be too strong in emphasizing the importance of the inner self in this arena of rule-making column.
[2009/05/22 12:24] Pirate Russell: 3. Don't make brittle rules. Rules are helpful because they add clarity and facilitate decision making. Rules cut in stone become millstones and anchors.
[2009/05/22 12:24] Pirate Russell: Now I have nothing against either of those things as we need to grind grain and anchor boats,
[2009/05/22 12:24] Pirate Russell: but if you think you can run your dungeon, your slave, or your life by a set of rules that are set in concrete or carved in granite, then you are kidding yourself.
[2009/05/22 12:24] Pirate Russell: Better than a long list of rules, one might have a list of principles, guidelines for action. Certainly they may lend themselves to codification, but the spirit of the principle is much more important than the letter of the law.
[2009/05/22 12:25] Pirate Russell: The Sabbath, after all, was made for man, not man for the Sabbath. Besides, there are always going to be exceptions and no amount of rule writing is going to cover all the possibilities.
[2009/05/22 12:25] Pirate Russell: 4. Communicate those rules. It's obvious that we need to communicate rules to slaves so that they obey them. The same goes for rules for ourselves.
[2009/05/22 12:26] Pirate Russell: Over time, I tell my applicants my rules and explain why I have them. I won't, for instance, let a subissive write and talk endlessly.
[2009/05/22 12:26] Pirate Russell: This is written by RL Dom, Obviously in SL some of the following will not apply
[2009/05/22 12:26] Pirate Russell: He has got to show up at my doorstep within 6-8 weeks of our initial meeting. Why? Because I'm not into cybersex.
[2009/05/22 12:26] Pirate Russell: Are there exceptions? Sure. The date can be extended for lots of reasons, but the communication will be curtailed until the plane ticket is bought. It's simply a matter that if you're not ready, then please don't act like you are.
[2009/05/22 12:26] Pirate Russell: Communicating your rules has some nice benefits.
[2009/05/22 12:27] Pirate Russell: It shows you are in control, that you have an understanding of what you want and don't want, and that you've thought about being a Master.
[2009/05/22 12:27] Pirate Russell: It also gives the submissive a sense of security to know that you have rules too, such as "I will not have un-safe sex." Now he knows he doesn't have to worry about one thing anyway.
[2009/05/22 12:27] Pirate Russell: 5. Remember man, that thou art dust; or get real. These Doms who think the world revolves around them need to think again.
[2009/05/22 12:27] Pirate Russell: Humility is a still a virtue, even in a person who wields great power. Being in control doesn't that mean that a person needs to be haughty, egotistical, or obnoxious.
[2009/05/22 12:28] Pirate Russell: If you are truly a person born to rule, then you have no need to put on airs. Pretense smells. Honesty, sincerity, and generosity have quite a different odor about them.
[2009/05/22 12:28] Pirate Russell: There's also a side of this rule that involves practicality. Your rules need to be pragmatic, workable, reasonable, measurable, and enforceable.
[2009/05/22 12:29] Pirate Russell: If they aren't, they will be honored only in the breaking and you will be seen as living in a fantasy world. It's one thing, of course, to have a rule for a weekend scene, quite another to have a rule for living out the rest of your life.
[2009/05/22 12:29] Pirate Russell: 6. Stay above it. Just because the world is going to hell in a hand basket is no reason for you to do the same. Have high standards and stick to them.
[2009/05/22 12:29] Pirate Russell: Where are we going and why are we in this handbasket???
[2009/05/22 12:29] Pirate Russell: he he
[2009/05/22 12:29] Pirate Russell: 7. Set benchmarks and progress points. A person becomes a doctor through a long and arduous series of learning experiences and tests that prove the experiences have had their desired effect.
[2009/05/22 12:30] Pirate Russell: Each passing grade through high school, college, and med school contributes to the eventual M.D. Each evaluation, and not any single one, grants a person his or her license to practice medicine.
[2009/05/22 12:30] Pirate Russell: It is no different for plumbers, electricians, or anyone else who wishes to acquire skill and standing.
[2009/05/22 12:30] Pirate Russell: As you evaluate prospective slaves, recognize that this is a process and note their success or failure at each step of the way.
[2009/05/22 12:31] Pirate Russell: Too often we want to jump to a full-blown contract while what are required are small steps and a gradual process.
[2009/05/22 12:31] Pirate Russell: Heat milk quickly and it scalds, heat it slowly and it comes out just right.
[2009/05/22 12:31] Pirate Russell: Running evaluations are helpful to everyone. Rules, after all, are meant to be helpful, indicative of reality.
[2009/05/22 12:31] Pirate Russell: 8. Don't talk it all to death. submissives, if you want no more than phone and cyber sex, then keep talking. If you want real leather, you have to get physical.
[2009/05/22 12:32] Pirate Russell: We are, after all, trying to develop real relationships. If I'm never going to meet you, I'm never going to be your master. You can pretend all you want on the phone.
[2009/05/22 12:32] Pirate Russell: It might even get you off. But one of my rules is that until you've shaken hands, you haven't met. Until I can look at you eye to eye, eat a meal with you, and hear your voice without the benefit of wires or radio waves, it's just a prelude and nothing mo
[2009/05/22 12:32] Pirate Russell: 9. Take responsibility. First and foremost you, top or bottom, are responsible for the consequences of your actions. Recognize that fact. Act responsibly. You are the one, after all, who wants to be in control.
[2009/05/22 12:32] Pirate Russell: eep, that line should be, "... nothing more"
[2009/05/22 12:32] Pirate Russell: 10. When a person says one thing and does another, I always listen to what they do. That advice has stood me in good stead. I hope it does the same for you.
[2009/05/22 12:33] Pirate Russell: I'd like to wind up today's talk with the Seven Pillars of Dominance:
[2009/05/22 12:33] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant is a ruler, but never a tyrant. But to rule requires understanding, and understanding requires humility.
[2009/05/22 12:33] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant has pride, but never arrogance. But pride requires dignity, and dignity requires humility.
[2009/05/22 12:34] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant commands respect, but never fear. But respect requires serenity, and serenity requires humility.
[2009/05/22 12:34] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant employs strength, but never force. But strength requires knowledge, and knowledge requires humility.
[2009/05/22 12:34] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant criticizes, but never derides. But criticism requires insight, and insight requires humility.
[2009/05/22 12:34] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant receives, but never takes. But receiving requires giving, and giving requires humility.
[2009/05/22 12:35] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant completes, but never tries to alter. But to complete one must be able to see what is there, not what is missing, and this most of all requires humility.
[2009/05/22 12:35] Pirate Russell: In short, to use an archaic phrase, noblesse oblige. The Dictionnaire de l’Académie française defines it thus:
[2009/05/22 12:35] Pirate Russell: Whoever claims to be noble must conduct himself nobly
[2009/05/22 12:35] Pirate Russell: If a Dominant is the centre of a submissive's universe, it is because she thinks so, not because he does.
[2009/05/22 12:35] Vincent Panthar: Here here!
[2009/05/22 12:35] Pirate Russell: No one is respected, let alone obeyed, just because. The truth of the matter is that owning is at least as much work as being owned.
[2009/05/22 12:35] Pirate Russell: All transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2009/05/22 12:36] Pirate Russell: College of Kink classes can be found by going to the Search box, Events tab and look for College
[2009/05/22 12:36] Pirate Russell: [ you have reached the end of the current notecard - resetting to first line... ]
[2009/05/22 12:36] Pirate Russell: Questions, comments?!
[2009/05/22 12:36] Vincent Panthar: Very good class.
[2009/05/22 12:36] Pirate Russell: Thanks, Vincent
[2009/05/22 12:36] Vincent Panthar: Thank you Pirate for putting it on.
[2009/05/22 12:36] Pirate Russell: This is the crux of why I took this job
[2009/05/22 12:37] Lexi Leiner nods in respect to Miss Pirate
[2009/05/22 12:37] Vincent Panthar: Too bad, there aren't a LOT more here.
[2009/05/22 12:37] Pirate Russell: Too many bad dominants out there, chasing naieve submissives out of the 'lifestyle' and some out of SL!
[2009/05/22 12:37] Vincent Panthar: There are MANY here that need it.
[2009/05/22 12:38] zocern Ampan: mIss Pirate i'm going sorry for going now
[2009/05/22 12:38] Pirate Russell: But, frankly, they wouldn't come, and wouldn't listen if they did
[2009/05/22 12:38] Vincent Panthar: Very true.
[2009/05/22 12:38] Pirate Russell: Fair enough, zocern, be wel
[2009/05/22 12:38] Vincent Panthar: Bye Zocern.
[2009/05/22 12:38] Pirate Russell: The companion class to this is "submissive rights"
[2009/05/22 12:38] Vincent Panthar: Interesting.
[2009/05/22 12:38] Pirate Russell: subbies, particularly unowned ones remember this.....
[2009/05/22 12:39] Pirate Russell: You're a submissive, not *their* submissive
[2009/05/22 12:39] Lexi Leiner: ~soft smiles~
[2009/05/22 12:39] Vincent Panthar: Sounds as though a few "Masters" could use it as well.
[2009/05/22 12:39] Pirate Russell: A few of them could use a good whipping... he he
[2009/05/22 12:39] Vincent Panthar: lol
[2009/05/22 12:40] Lei Setsuko smiles
[2009/05/22 12:40] Lexi Leiner: ~small giggle~
[2009/05/22 12:40] Vincent Panthar: Well, I will take My leave now...Again, Thank you Pirate.
[2009/05/22 12:40] Hekate Solo stands, brushes the sand from Her ass and leaves ... RL rearing it's ugly head. Pirate, great class. All, bye bye!
[2009/05/22 12:40] Pirate Russell: My pleasure, to you all, thanks for coming!
[2009/05/22 12:40] Vincent Panthar: Bye HeKate.
[2009/05/22 12:40] Hekate Solo: bye Vincent
[2009/05/22 12:40] Lexi Leiner: Thank You, Miss Pirate
[2009/05/22 12:41] Lei Setsuko: it was a very good class Mistress
[2009/05/22 12:41] Pirate Russell: My plesure
[2009/05/22 12:41] Pirate Russell: Thanks, lei
[2009/05/22 12:41] Lei Setsuko: thank you
[2009/05/22 12:41] Kali Moisant: thank You

The Gift of Submission - 5/15/09

[2009/5/15 12:15] Pirate Russell: Since it's just U/us, is there any topic girl's interested in, I have several talks I do
[2009/05/15 12:17] ***WW***: well.not really , I came with a clear mind, readt to suck up all info that was shared to be a better sub for Master and other Dominants.
[2009/05/15 12:17] ***WW***: ready*
[2009/05/15 12:17] Pirate Russell: Then My planned topic, "The gift of submission is the ticket
[2009/05/15 12:17] Pirate Russell: But I have to ask... How did you get the upside down type in your profile, is it a font?
[2009/05/15 12:18] ***WW*** thinks that it sounds wonderfull and is willing to learn
[2009/05/15 12:18] ***WW***: lol, I cpyed it from a GF some time ago, she told me it was ok
[2009/05/15 12:18] ***WW***: copyed*
[2009/05/15 12:19] Pirate Russell: COOL! Well, girl gets a DEAL today, I do private tutoring, at 1500L an hr, but this is class so it's FREE!
[2009/05/15 12:19] ***WW*** cheers otloud :))
[2009/05/15 12:19] Pirate Russell:
[2009/05/15 12:20] Pirate Russell: Gonna use My public speaker, obviously the first stuff isn't geared towrds a small crowd
[2009/05/15 12:20] Pirate Russell: Ok, those that will, please turn off any radars, MystiTools, etc.
[2009/05/15 12:20] Pirate Russell: Please take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[2009/05/15 12:20] Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! As most of y'all know, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor. I have been in SL for 3 1/2 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[2009/05/15 12:20] Pirate Russell: here W/we go
[2009/05/15 12:20] Pirate Russell: For any that need to leave early, all transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2009/05/15 12:20] Pirate Russell: What Is Submission?
[2009/05/15 12:20] Pirate Russell: Author: Raven Shadowborne © 1997
[2009/05/15 12:20] ***WW*** perk sher small ears
[2009/05/15 12:20] Pirate Russell: Submission: (by definition) the act of granting power to another
[2009/05/15 12:20] Pirate Russell: A rather frightening prospect for most people. To give control of yourself to someone else. The act of submitting is part of the power exchange inherent within a D/s relationship.
[2009/05/15 12:21] Pirate Russell: It is the giving of yourself to another within preset limits, arranged before hand.
[2009/05/15 12:21] Pirate Russell: It is an informed choice and therefor consensual. A person shouldn't just decide to submit to the first dominant they meet.
[2009/05/15 12:21] Pirate Russell: A submissive should take the time to get to know the dominant outside the roles of dominant and submissive, as the person he/she is.
[2009/05/15 12:22] Pirate Russell: With the information gathered during that initial learning of each other process, the submissive can then make an informed decision of whether or not to submit to that dominant.
[2009/05/15 12:22] Pirate Russell: This process should include discussions of expectations, wants, needs and desires.
[2009/05/15 12:22] Pirate Russell: For both the Dominant and the submissive!
[2009/05/15 12:22] Pirate Russell: Each submissive must decide for themselves how far they are willing to go and still stay within the guidelines of safe sane and consensual, thereby not crossing into the realm of abuse.
[2009/05/15 12:22] ***WW*** nods her head
[2009/05/15 12:22] Pirate Russell: The three tenets of D/s must always apply for the submission to be true submission and not abuse.
[2009/05/15 12:23] Pirate Russell: Why a person is submissive varies extensively from person to person. Some are submissive just for a little extra zing in their intimate lives. Others may have a deep psychological need that prevents them from being any other way.
[2009/05/15 12:23] Pirate Russell: There are three main types of submissives There are more concise groupings than these three broad ones, as evidenced by the 9 levels of submission that are widely used and referred to in many books and discussions of D/s.
[2009/05/15 12:23] Pirate Russell: ~A: Sexual Submissive (AKA bottom, sensual submissive)
[2009/05/15 12:23] Pirate Russell: A sexual sub is in D/s for their own sexual gratification. Once their sexual needs are met they are satisfied. They feel no real need to submit any personal control to another.
[2009/05/15 12:24] Pirate Russell: ~B: Psychological Submissive
[2009/05/15 12:24] Pirate Russell: This broad category tends to include those who are in it for the pain and humiliation a D/s relationship can give them.
[2009/05/15 12:24] Pirate Russell: This category tends to include most masochists. Those who have suffered real abuse and are stuck in victim mode, tend to end up in this category.
[2009/05/15 12:24] Pirate Russell: ~C: Natural Submissive (AKA True Submissive)
[2009/05/15 12:24] ***WW*** thinks thats who and what she is
[2009/05/15 12:25] Pirate Russell: The natural sub?
[2009/05/15 12:25] ***WW***: yes Mistress
[2009/05/15 12:25] Pirate Russell: Or the Psyco, or psychological sub? he he
[2009/05/15 12:25] Pirate Russell: she/he is born with a submissive nature. A need to please others. This need and submissive tendency goes beyond sexual gratification.
[2009/05/15 12:25] ***WW***: yes
[2009/05/15 12:25] ***WW***: thats ME
[2009/05/15 12:25] Pirate Russell: It is in their nature to please others, and they will readily give up their control to another with very little or no urging from their dominant.
[2009/05/15 12:26] ***WW***: I love to please and serve A/all
[2009/05/15 12:26] Pirate Russell: he he
[2009/05/15 12:26] Pirate Russell: So does My treasure here, actually
[2009/05/15 12:26] ***WW***: evenin RL Mistress
[2009/05/15 12:26] ***WW***: aw she is adorable
[2009/05/15 12:26] Pirate Russell: Who's to say which category is best?
[2009/05/15 12:26] Pirate Russell: Being submissive is unique and you are an individual. Being submissive comes from the heart. It can not be believably faked, acted or role played.
[2009/05/15 12:26] ***IM*** smiles
[2009/05/15 12:27] ***WW*** does everything for her Master, even when is crosses my own limits
[2009/05/15 12:27] Pirate Russell: If girl likes her now, she should see her naked. he he
[2009/05/15 12:27] ***IM*** groans
[2009/05/15 12:27] Pirate Russell: True submission is a gift of high value. It is my opinion that those in the lifestyle should not judge any one else within the lifestyle for their choices.
[2009/05/15 12:27] ***WW*** and her Master allways talk and try to find out why I do ore dondt like somethings and feeling and situations
[2009/05/15 12:27] Pirate Russell: Who are we to say that a sexual sub is not submissive on a different level? Or that there can only be one type of submissive? Remember, life is full of small variances and innuendoes, so is D/s.
[2009/05/15 12:28] Pirate Russell: I'm going to finish up with the submissive Bill of Rights. Remember that submissives are not doormats they are people, strong enough to give themselves to another person, let someone else tell them, make them, watch them do what they're told!
[2009/05/15 12:28] Pirate Russell: submissive Bill of Rights:
[2009/05/15 12:28] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to be treated with courtesy.
[2009/05/15 12:28] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to be treated with respect.
[2009/05/15 12:29] Pirate Russell: Aways wanna change this to, ~you have the right to be treated with respect, BITCH!
[2009/05/15 12:29] Pirate Russell: LOL
[2009/05/15 12:29] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to express feelings, whether good or bad.
[2009/05/15 12:29] ***WW*** smiles and smirks behind her hands
[2009/05/15 12:29] ***IM*** giggles
[2009/05/15 12:29] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to disagree and express disagreement.
[2009/05/15 12:29] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to stand up for your beliefs, values and morals.
[2009/05/15 12:30] Pirate Russell: ie. limits
[2009/05/15 12:30] Pirate Russell: ~you have a right to retain your self respect and self worth.
[2009/05/15 12:30] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to say No.
[2009/05/15 12:30] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to walk away from an unhealthy situation.
[2009/05/15 12:30] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to be treated as an intelligent, thinking person, entitled to your feelings.
[2009/05/15 12:31] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to make mistakes and ask those mistakes to be forgiven.
[2009/05/15 12:31] Pirate Russell: All transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2009/05/15 12:31] Pirate Russell: For future classes check the Search/Events and look for College or Join House of V Friends, or House of V groups, for notices immediately before the classes.
[2009/05/15 12:31] Pirate Russell: Blah, blah blah... he he
[2009/05/15 12:31] Pirate Russell: Ok, given all that, what would girl like to discuss?
[2009/05/15 12:31] ***WW*** smiles up to Mistress.
[2009/05/15 12:35] ***IM***: girl suspects that there are different types of doms justlike different subs. Some my get their fulfillment in humiliation, some in being served.
[2009/05/15 12:36] Pirate Russell kicks the table out ofthe way, giving girl room to kneel properly
[2009/05/15 12:36] ***WW*** is thankfull
[2009/05/15 12:36] Pirate Russell: Oh, it's totally selfish, girl is rather comely
[2009/05/15 12:37] ***WW*** has a TP waiting from her Master. she should join him soon.
[2009/05/15 12:37] ***IM***: Some people seem to just be into BDSM to get some thrills, then go on with their life. Others take as a part of their life instead of a vacation from it.
[2009/05/15 12:37] ***WW***: thats the kind of people I dont like
[2009/05/15 12:37] Pirate Russell: girl may go to Him, W/we can talk again another time
[2009/05/15 12:38] ***IM***: So girl would expect doms to be as different in their needs as subs are.
[2009/05/15 12:38] Pirate Russell: Is girl permitted friend requests?
[2009/05/15 12:38] ***WW*** gets used and abused and than kicked to the curbe............
[2009/05/15 12:38] ***WW*** is Mistress
[2009/05/15 12:38] Pirate Russell: And some submissives LIKE That
[2009/05/15 12:38] ***IM*** nods
[2009/05/15 12:38] ***WW*** smiles and is thankfull for this wonderfull opportunity to discuss issues regarding BDSM
[2009/05/15 12:38] ***IM***: The people who go to places like Hard Alley.
[2009/05/15 12:39] Pirate Russell: Hey, I take My girls there!
[2009/05/15 12:39] Pirate Russell: he he
[2009/05/15 12:39] ***IM*** giggles
[2009/05/15 12:39] ***IM***: But You don't leave *all* of us there.
[2009/05/15 12:39] Pirate Russell: he he
[2009/05/15 12:39] Pirate Russell: No, one's escaped that fate....
[2009/05/15 12:40] Pirate Russell: ....... so far!
[2009/05/15 12:40] ***IM***: girl's sister likes that sort of thing. this one, like you, just wants to serve any way possible.
[2009/05/15 12:40] ***WW*** indeed like's to be readed like that sometimes or in acompany by her Master, so we can talk about stuff and have comfort from Him.
[2009/05/15 12:40] ***WW*** really needs to join Master now
[2009/05/15 12:41] ***WW***: so sorry to leave early
[2009/05/15 12:41] Pirate Russell: girl is released
[2009/05/15 12:41] Pirate Russell: No worries, hun, He comes first!
[2009/05/15 12:41] ***IM***: Nice to meet you, ***WW***.
[2009/05/15 12:41] Pirate Russell: Yes, girl, it is a pleasure
[2009/05/15 12:41] ***WW*** thanks Mistress, gets up from the floor,walks away silently and leave's Mistress and Her girly alone to spend a wonderfull evening together :))
[2009/05/15 12:42] ***WW***: it was nice meeting Y/you 2
[2009/05/15 12:42] Pirate Russell: W/we have spent FEW bad ones in the 13+ months she's been Mine
[2009/05/15 12:43] Pirate Russell: THAT will be a quick transcript
[2009/05/15 12:43] Pirate Russell puts in the 'class dismissed'.

The Gift of Submission - 5/12/09

[2009/05/12 12:10] Pirate Russell: Well, let's get this train wreck started.....
[2009/05/12 12:10] Pirate Russell: Ok, those that will, please turn off any radars, MystiTools, etc.
[2009/05/12 12:10] ***SK***: YAY!
[2009/05/12 12:10] Pirate Russell: Please take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[2009/05/12 12:10] ***BC***: back
[2009/05/12 12:10] Top Friends v1.12: Cyndi Ohara (Friends) is online
[2009/05/12 12:10] Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! As most of y'all know, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor. I have been in SL for 3 1/2 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[2009/05/12 12:10] ***HS***: wb
[2009/05/12 12:11] Pirate Russell: Good timing! he he
[2009/05/12 12:11] Pirate Russell: For any that need to leave early, all transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2009/05/12 12:11] Pirate Russell: What Is Submission?
[2009/05/12 12:11] Pirate Russell: Author: Raven Shadowborne © 1997
[2009/05/12 12:11] Pirate Russell: Submission: (by definition) the act of granting power to another
[2009/05/12 12:11] Pirate Russell: A rather frightening prospect for most people. To give control of yourself to someone else. The act of submitting is part of the power exchange inherent within a D/s relationship.
[2009/05/12 12:12] Pirate Russell: It is the giving of yourself to another within preset limits, arranged before hand.
[2009/05/12 12:12] Pirate Russell: It is an informed choice and therefor consensual. A person shouldn't just decide to submit to the first dominant they meet.
[2009/05/12 12:12] ***SK***: question
[2009/05/12 12:12] Pirate Russell: A submissive should take the time to get to know the dominant outside the roles of dominant and submissive, as the person he/she is.
[2009/05/12 12:13] Pirate Russell: ***SK***can it wait about 10 Min, or is is something that needs asking now?
[2009/05/12 12:13] ***SK***: it can wait, you just answered it miss :)
[2009/05/12 12:13] Pirate Russell smiles
[2009/05/12 12:13] Pirate Russell: With the information gathered during that initial learning of each other process, the submissive can then make an informed decision of whether or not to submit to that dominant.
[2009/05/12 12:13] Pirate Russell: This process should include discussions of expectations, wants, needs and desires.
[2009/05/12 12:14] Pirate Russell: This is so important, I'll say it again!
[2009/05/12 12:14] Pirate Russell: This process should include discussions of expectations, wants, needs and desires.
[2009/05/12 12:14] Pirate Russell: And this is for all members of the D/s Relationship, not just the Dominant
[2009/05/12 12:14] Pirate Russell: Each submissive must decide for themselves how far they are willing to go and still stay within the guidelines of safe sane and consensual, thereby not crossing into the realm of abuse.
[2009/05/12 12:15] Pirate Russell: The three tenets of D/s must always apply for the submission to be true submission and not abuse.
[2009/05/12 12:15] Pirate Russell: Why a person is submissive varies extensively from person to person. Some are submissive just for a little extra zing in their intimate lives. Others may have a deep psychological need that prevents them from being any other way.
[2009/05/12 12:17] Pirate Russell: There are three main types of submissives There are more concise groupings than these three broad ones, as evidenced by the 9 levels of submission that are widely used and referred to in many books and discussions of D/s.
[2009/05/12 12:17] Pirate Russell: ~A: Sexual Submissive (AKA bottom, sensual submissive)
[2009/05/12 12:17] Pirate Russell: A sexual sub is in D/s for their own sexual gratification. Once their sexual needs are met they are satisfied. They feel no real need to submit any personal control to another.
[2009/05/12 12:17] Pirate Russell: ~B: Psychological Submissive
[2009/05/12 12:17] Pirate Russell: This broad category tends to include those who are in it for the pain and humiliation a D/s relationship can give them.
[2009/05/12 12:18] Pirate Russell: This category tends to include most masochists. Those who have suffered real abuse and are stuck in victim mode, tend to end up in this category.
[2009/05/12 12:18] Pirate Russell: ~C: Natural Submissive (AKA True Submissive)
[2009/05/12 12:18] Pirate Russell: she/he is born with a submissive nature. A need to please others. This need and submissive tendency goes beyond sexual gratification.
[2009/05/12 12:18] Pirate Russell: It is in their nature to please others, and they will readily give up their control to another with very little or no urging from their dominant.
[2009/05/12 12:19] Pirate Russell: Who's to say which category is best?
[2009/05/12 12:19] Pirate Russell: Being submissive is unique and you are an individual. Being submissive comes from the heart. It can not be believably faked, acted or role played.
[2009/05/12 12:19] Pirate Russell: True submission is a gift of high value. It is my opinion that those in the lifestyle should not judge any one else within the lifestyle for their choices.
[2009/05/12 12:20] Pirate Russell: Who are we to say that a sexual sub is not submissive on a different level? Or that there can only be one type of submissive? Remember, life is full of small variances and innuendoes, so is D/s.
[2009/05/12 12:20] Pirate Russell: I'm going to finish up with the submissive Bill of Rights. Remember that submissives are not doormats they are people, strong enough to give themselves to another person, let someone else tell them, make them, watch them do what they're told!
[2009/05/12 12:21] Pirate Russell: submissive Bill of Rights:
[2009/05/12 12:21] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to be treated with courtesy.
[2009/05/12 12:21] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to be treated with respect.
[2009/05/12 12:21] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to express feelings, whether good or bad.
[2009/05/12 12:22] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to disagree and express disagreement.
[2009/05/12 12:22] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to stand up for your beliefs, values and morals.
[2009/05/12 12:22] Pirate Russell: ~you have a right to retain your self respect and self worth.
[2009/05/12 12:22] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to say No.
[2009/05/12 12:23] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to walk away from an unhealthy situation.
[2009/05/12 12:23] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to be treated as an intelligent, thinking person, entitled to your feelings.
[2009/05/12 12:23] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to make mistakes and ask those mistakes to be forgiven.
[2009/05/12 12:24] Pirate Russell: All transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2009/05/12 12:24] Pirate Russell: For future classes check the Search/Events and look for College or Join House of V Friends, or House of V groups, for notices immediately before the classes.
[2009/05/12 12:24] Pirate Russell: Questions, Comments???.
[2009/05/12 12:24] ***BC***: i have something to ask about SSC
[2009/05/12 12:25] ***SK***: What is SSC Please :)
[2009/05/12 12:25] ***BC***: i am a rl switch in a poly household we do not practice SSC we practice RACK
[2009/05/12 12:25] ***BC***: since W/we are all into extreme edge play
[2009/05/12 12:25] Pirate Russell: SSC is Safe, Sane and Consensual
[2009/05/12 12:25] ***BC***: yes
[2009/05/12 12:25] ***BC***: and RACK is rish awear consensual kink
[2009/05/12 12:26] Pirate Russell: Chieck
[2009/05/12 12:26] Pirate Russell: Er check
[2009/05/12 12:26] ***BC***: sorry i meant risk awear
[2009/05/12 12:26] Pirate Russell: and each of us has our own Safe, Sane consunsual, and risk wawareness
[2009/05/12 12:26] ***BC***: most edge players feel that thier activitys they are involved with are not safe
[2009/05/12 12:27] ***BC***: but as long as the sub consents to it it is fine
[2009/05/12 12:27] Pirate Russell: Ultimately, none of us wants to die, we all have limits
[2009/05/12 12:27] ***SK***: Are we still talkign withign the confines of SL
[2009/05/12 12:27] ***BC***: yes i understand that but many who are into lets say breathplay
[2009/05/12 12:27] ***BC***: breathplay is not safe
[2009/05/12 12:27] ***BC***: so many classify that under RACK and not SSC
[2009/05/12 12:28] Pirate Russell: Depends on the competence of the Dom, and the trust
[2009/05/12 12:29] ***BC***: i am speaking from rl experience when i say my rl master is very much into breath play VERY much he is much older 44 25plus years experience he has taken me to passing out a few times with out meaning to
[2009/05/12 12:29] ***BC***: with breath play you can not ever be sure
[2009/05/12 12:29] Pirate Russell: Ok, gotcha
[2009/05/12 12:29] ***SK***: oh, I though this was about SL only
[2009/05/12 12:30] ***BC***: im sorry if it is
[2009/05/12 12:30] Pirate Russell: I only know about SL, though, I draw from RL experiences of others, and writings, ALL the time!
[2009/05/12 12:30] ***BC***: i just am also into it rl
[2009/05/12 12:30] ***SK***: There would be huge differentce betweetn SL adn RL
[2009/05/12 12:30] ***SK***: SL is physically safe
[2009/05/12 12:30] ***BC***: yes
[2009/05/12 12:31] Pirate Russell: Well, yes and no. I have had subbies that do things in RL, at My urging, one was arrested. So the lines blur
[2009/05/12 12:32] ***SK***: yes, if you take SL into RL the line can blur as SL becomes just a communication mechanism
[2009/05/12 12:32] Pirate Russell: (She flashed the wong guy, he was an under cover cop)
[2009/05/12 12:32] ***HS***: LOL
[2009/05/12 12:32] ***SK*** giggles :)
[2009/05/12 12:32] Pirate Russell: that's what it has always been for Me, ***SK***. I RL LOVE My girls
[2009/05/12 12:33] ***SK***: yes, i have real feeling to :)
[2009/05/12 12:34] ***SK***: that would be part of the expectations, wants, needs and desires.
[2009/05/12 12:34] ***SK***: If you are willing to take RL direction
[2009/05/12 12:35] ***SK***: I have just come u pon that, my Master wants me to take enhancement pills, but I am leary about allowing RL directions
[2009/05/12 12:35] Pirate Russell: And part of that pre-submission discussion, or negiotiation
[2009/05/12 12:36] Pirate Russell: Well, as I said in the Submissive Bill of Rights, you have the RIGHT to walk away from an unsafe or abusive situation
[2009/05/12 12:36] ***JM***: ooh if dont feel comfortable with it ***SK***, DONT
[2009/05/12 12:37] ***SK***: yes, those thing smay be dangerous :)
[2009/05/12 12:37] ***SK***: Miss Pirate, may I ask how you felt when you heard she got arrested
[2009/05/12 12:38] ***SK***: I am wondering if it will affect how you would direct someone in RL again
[2009/05/12 12:39] Pirate Russell: I felt like shit! My first rule for My girls is "RL comes first, if you're not having fun, then let's talk"
[2009/05/12 12:39] Pirate Russell: And if you're not comfy in RL or SL, let's find something that W/we like.
[2009/05/12 12:39] ***SK***: yes, I agree, it must be fun, and you must put yoru RL first
[2009/05/12 12:39] Pirate Russell: I don't know anyone that's not in SL to have fun
[2009/05/12 12:40] ***SK***: neither do i, but I have meet many who seem to not want to :)
[2009/05/12 12:40] Pirate Russell: yeah, Me too! LOL
[2009/05/12 12:40] ***SK***: haha
[2009/05/12 12:40] Pirate Russell: But I don't hang with them, though
[2009/05/12 12:41] ***SK***: I think a submissive who is willing to take directions in RL has to have much clarity of though so she understands what it is she is exactly doing
[2009/05/12 12:41] ***SK***: I am well versed in the art of ignoring :)
[2009/05/12 12:41] ***KM***: ok, I gotta say this, she got arrested for flashing an undercover cop? he blew his cover over a flashing? she must have one hell of a rack because, that's bragging rights
[2009/05/12 12:41] ***HS***: hehehe
[2009/05/12 12:42] Pirate Russell: I'm sorry, he was off duty, not under cover.
[2009/05/12 12:42] Pirate Russell: and yes, she does have 'one helluva rack'! He he
[2009/05/12 12:42] ***KM***: omg, of all the people it just had to be an odo, that's STILL bragging rights *laughs*
[2009/05/12 12:42] ***SK***: well it will be embarrssing but hopefully not affect her to much in her future
[2009/05/12 12:43] Pirate Russell: Nope, first offender, stuff, she's good
[2009/05/12 12:43] ***SK***: we all make mistakes :)
[2009/05/12 12:43] ***SK***: I make them all the time, I just dont get caught much :)
[2009/05/12 12:44] Pirate Russell: Even Me, I'm on My 2nd Hubby, I was wrong at least once!
[2009/05/12 12:44] ***SK***: haha, well for now at least once :)
[2009/05/12 12:44] ***SK***: hahah
[2009/05/12 12:46] Pirate Russell: Any other qustions?
[2009/05/12 12:46] ***SK***: Thank you Miss Pirate, this information is very valuable :)
[2009/05/12 12:46] ***HS***: Frack!!! Got to run! Pirate, see you later. Everybody, bye!
[2009/05/12 12:46] Pirate Russell watches ***HS***'s ass as she runs
[2009/05/12 12:47] Pirate Russell: Well, thanks for coming , it was a great class.... Class dismissed!
[2009/05/12 12:47] Jacques Klees: let me worry about that
[2009/05/12 12:48] ***SK***: I will try to get some of the new girls to come to y our next class :)

Cyberstalking - 5/5/09

[12:09] Pirate Russell: OK, those that will, please turn off any radars, MystiTools, etc., to help with the Horrendous lag
[12:10] Pirate Russell: Please take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[12:10] Pirate Russell: Annndddd I'll wait a second... he he
[12:10] Pirate Russell: WB, Mis T, and welcome Alexxa!
[12:10] ***IM***: Hi ***MM***
[12:11] Pirate Russell: Just getting started
[12:11] ***MM***: :)
[12:11] Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! As most of y'all know, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor. I have been in SL for 3 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[12:11] Pirate Russell: For any that need to leave early, all transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[12:11] Pirate Russell: And believe it or not, I'm caught up!
[12:11] ***IM*** claps
[12:11] Pirate Russell: HHiya Kalie, pull up a poseball
[12:12] Pirate Russell: .
[12:12] Pirate Russell: Cyberstalking is the use of the Internet or other electronic means to stalk someone.
[12:13] Pirate Russell: It has been defined as the use of information and communications technology, particularly the Internet, by an individual or group of individuals, to harass another individual, group of individuals, or organization.
[12:13] Pirate Russell: The behavior includes false accusations, monitoring, the transmission of threats, identity theft, damage to data or equipment, the solicitation of minors for sexual purposes, and gathering information for harassment purposes.
[12:13] Pirate Russell: The harassment must be such that a reasonable person, in possession of the same information, would regard it as sufficient to cause another reasonable person distress.
[12:14] Pirate Russell: .
[12:14] Pirate Russell: Stalking is a continuous process, consisting of a series of actions, each of which may be entirely legal in itself. Lambèr Royakkers writes that:
[12:14] Pirate Russell: "Stalking is a form of mental assault, in which the perpetrator repeatedly, unwantedly, and disruptively breaks into the life-world of the victim, with whom he has no relationship (or no longer has),
[12:15] Pirate Russell: with motives that are directly or indirectly traceable to the affective sphere. Moreover, the separated acts that make up the intrusion cannot by themselves cause the mental abuse, but do taken together (cumulative effect)."
[12:15] Pirate Russell: .
[12:15] Pirate Russell: CyberAngels (an arm of Curtis Sliwa's Guardian Angels) has written about how to identify Cyberstalking:
[12:15] Pirate Russell: "When identifying cyberstalking 'in the field,' and particularly when considering whether to report it to any kind of legal authority, the following features or combination of features can be considered to characterize a true stalking situation:
[12:16] Pirate Russell: malice, premeditation, repetition, distress, obsession, vendetta, no legitimate purpose, personally directed, disregarded warnings to stop, harassment, and threats."
[12:16] Pirate Russell: .
[12:17] Pirate Russell: A number of key factors have been identified:
[12:17] Pirate Russell: * False accusations.
[12:17] Pirate Russell: Many cyberstalkers try to damage the reputation of their victim and turn other people against them. They post false information about them on websites. They may set up their own websites, blogs or user pages for this purpose.
[12:18] Pirate Russell: * Attempts to gather information about the victim.
[12:18] Pirate Russell: Cyberstalkers may approach their victim's friends, family and work colleagues to obtain personal information.
[12:18] Pirate Russell: They may advertise for information on the Internet, or hire a private detective. They often will monitor the victim's online activities and attempt to trace their IP address in an effort to gather more information about their victims.
[12:19] Pirate Russell: * Encouraging others to harass the victim.
[12:19] Pirate Russell: Many cyberstalkers try to involve third parties in the harassment. They may claim the victim has harmed the stalker or his/her family in some way, or may post the victim's name and telephone number in order to encourage others to join the pursuit.
[12:19] Pirate Russell: * False victimization.
[12:20] Pirate Russell: The cyberstalker will claim that the victim is harassing him/her. Bocij writes that this phenomenon has been noted in a number of well-known cases.
[12:20] Pirate Russell: * Attacks on data and equipment.
[12:20] Pirate Russell: They may try to damage the victim's computer by sending viruses.
[12:21] Pirate Russell: * Ordering goods and services.
[12:21] Pirate Russell: They order items or subscribe to magazines in the victim's name. These often involve subscriptions to pornography or ordering sex toys then having them delivered to the victim's workplace.
[12:21] Pirate Russell: * Arranging to meet.
[12:21] Pirate Russell: Young people face a particularly high risk of having cyberstalkers try to set up meetings between them.
[12:21] Pirate Russell: .
[12:21] Pirate Russell: Behaviors:
[12:21] Pirate Russell: Cyberstalkers meet or target their victims by using search engines, online forums, bulletin and discussion boards, chat rooms, and more recently, through online communities such as
[12:22] Pirate Russell: MySpace, Facebook, Friendster and Indymedia, a media outlet known for self-publishing.
[12:22] Pirate Russell: They may engage in live chat harassment or flaming or they may send electronic viruses and unsolicited e-mails.
[12:22] Pirate Russell: Victims of cyberstalking may not even know that they are being stalked.
[12:23] Pirate Russell: ***IM*** has no clue she's being cyberstalked
[12:23] Pirate Russell: He he
[12:23] Pirate Russell: Cyberstalkers may research individuals to feed their obsessions and curiosity. Conversely, the acts of cyberstalkers may become more intense, such as repeatedly instant messaging their targets.
[12:23] Pirate Russell: More commonly they will post defamatory or derogatory statements about their stalking target on web pages, message boards and in guest books designed to get a reaction or response from their victim, thereby initiating contact. In some cases, they have be
[12:23] Pirate Russell: .
[12:24] Pirate Russell: When prosecuted, many stalkers have unsuccessfully attempted to justify their behavior ba***ST***on their use of public forums, as oppo***ST***to direct contact.
[12:24] Pirate Russell: Once they get a reaction from the victim, they will typically attempt to track or follow the victim's Internet activity.
[12:24] Pirate Russell: Classic cyberstalking behavior includes the tracing of the victim's IP address in an attempt to verify their home or place of employment.
[12:24] Pirate Russell: .
[12:25] Pirate Russell: Some cyberstalking situations do evolve into physical stalking, and a victim may experience abusive and excessive phone calls, vandalism, threatening or obscene mail, trespassing, and physical assault.
[12:25] Pirate Russell: Moreover, many physical stalkers will use cyberstalking as another method of harassing their victims.
[12:26] Pirate Russell: A 2007 study, led by Paige Padgett from the University of Texas Health Science Center, found that there was a false degree of safety assumed by women looking for love online.
[12:26] Pirate Russell: .
[12:27] Pirate Russell: Potential Effects of Cyberstalking
[12:27] Pirate Russell: Just because cyberstalking does not include physical contact with the perpetrator does not mean it is not as threatening or frightening as any other type of crime.
[12:27] Pirate Russell: Victims of cyberstalking often experience psychological trauma, as well as physical and emotional reactions as a result of their victimization. Some of these effects may include:
[12:27] Pirate Russell: * changes in sleeping and eating patterns
[12:27] Pirate Russell: * nightmares
[12:27] Pirate Russell: * hypervigilance
[12:27] Pirate Russell: * anxiety
[12:28] Pirate Russell: * helplessness
[12:28] Pirate Russell: * fear for safety
[12:28] Pirate Russell: * shock and disbelief
[12:28] Pirate Russell: Victims experiencing these reactions and many others might consider seeking out support from friends, family and victim service professionals in order to cope with the trauma resulting from cyberstalking.
[12:28] Pirate Russell: .
[12:28] Pirate Russell: If you are a Victim of Cyberstalking
[12:28] Pirate Russell: * Victims who are under the age of 18 should tell their parents or another adult they trust about any harassments and/or threats.
[12:28] Pirate Russell: * Experts suggest that in cases where the offender is known, victims should send the stalker a clear written warning.
[12:29] Pirate Russell: Specifically, victims should communicate that the contact is unwanted, and ask the perpetrator to cease sending communications of any kind. Victims should do this only once.
[12:29] Pirate Russell: Then, no matter the response, victims should under no circumstances ever communicate with the stalker again. Victims should save copies of this communication in both electronic and hard copy form.
[12:29] Pirate Russell: * If the harassment continues, the victim may wish to file a complaint with the stalker's Internet service provider, as well as with their own service provider.
[12:29] Pirate Russell: Many Internet service providers offer tools that filter or block communications from specific individuals.
[12:30] Pirate Russell: * As soon as individuals suspect they are victims of online harassment or cyberstalking, they should start collecting all evidence and document all contact made by the stalker.
[12:30] Pirate Russell: Save all e-mail, postings, or other communications in both electronic and hard-copy form. If possible, save all of the header information from e-mails and newsgroup postings. Record the dates and times of any contact with the stalker.
[12:30] Pirate Russell: * Victims may also want to start a log of each communication explaining the situation in more detail. Victims may want to document how the harassment is affecting their lives and what steps they have taken to stop the harassment.
[12:31] Pirate Russell: * Victims may want to file a report with local law enforcement or contact their local prosecutor's office to see what charges, if any, can be pursued.
[12:31] Pirate Russell: Victims should save copies of police reports and record all contact with law enforcement officials and the prosecutor's office.
[12:31] Pirate Russell: * Victims who are being continually haras***ST***may want to consider changing their e-mail address, Internet service provider, a home phone number, and should examine the possibility of using encryption software or privacy protection programs.
[12:31] Pirate Russell: Any local computer store can offer a variety of protective software, options and suggestions. Victims may also want to learn how to use the filtering capabilities of email programs to block e-mails from certain addresses.
[12:32] Pirate Russell: * Furthermore, victims should contact online directory listings such as www.four11.com, www.switchboard.com, and www.whowhere.com to request removal from their directory.
[12:32] ***KA*** grows excited with the thought of being stalked,slender fingers trace over her belly feeling a growing heat start to develope
[12:32] Pirate Russell: OK, those that will, please turn off any radars, MystiTools, etc., to help with the Horrendous lag
[12:32] Pirate Russell: OOPS
[12:33] Pirate Russell: * Finally, under no circumstances should victims agree to meet with the perpetrator face to face to "work it out," or "talk." No contact should ever be made with the stalker. Meeting a stalker in person can be very dangerous
[12:33] Pirate Russell: Cyberstalking legislation in the United States
[12:33] ***KA*** blushes
[12:33] Pirate Russell: The current US Federal Anti-Cyber-Stalking law is found at 47 USC sec. 223.
The first U.S. cyberstalking law went into effect in 1999 in California. Other states include prohibition against cyberstalking in their harassment or stalking legislation.
In Florida, HB 479 was introduced in 2003 to ban cyberstalking. This was signed into law on October 200
[12:34] Pirate Russell: er 2003
[12:34] Pirate Russell: More states in the U.S. have begun to address the issue of cyberstalking.
[12:34] Pirate Russell: Most stalking laws require that the perpetrator make a credible threat of violence against the victim; others include threats against the victim's immediate family;
and still others require the alleged stalker's course of conduct constitute an implied threat.
[12:35] Pirate Russell: While some conduct involving annoying or menacing behavior might fall short of illegal stalking, such behavior may be a prelude to stalking and violence and should be treated seriously.
[12:36] Pirate Russell: Citations: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyberstalking & http://www.ncvc.org/ncvc/main.aspx?dbName=DocumentViewer&DocumentID=32458
[12:36] Pirate Russell: All transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
All classes are posted in Search/Events and look for College.
[12:36] Pirate Russell: Comments?? Questions???
[12:36] Pirate Russell: SpeakEasy HUD detaching...
[12:36] ***CO***: thank you Pirate, very much
[12:37] ***CO***: One addition, please
[12:37] Pirate Russell: Please!
[12:37] ***CO***: In the single communication with the alleged stalker, never make a threat.
[12:38] ***CO***: "if you don't stop, I'll..........."
[12:38] ***CO***: Do it, but never threaten.
[12:38] Pirate Russell: Very good point. It should be to the point, and not threatening
[12:38] ***CO***: Thank you.
[12:38] ***IM*** nods.
[12:39] ***KA*** slowly raises her slender arm," Miss may i ask a question please?"
[12:39] Pirate Russell: Yes, ***KA***?
[12:41] ***KA*** smmiles, " Miss im fairly new and well i've had men wish to contact me right off the bat durning or first incounter what would you suggest would be a good time to take the next step if you found that there was something more between twp ppl and want to take the next step in meeting them in RL, i mean i know its sounds strange but if you find you like someone how can you know they are safe?
[12:42] ***KA***: it seems everyone tries to make themselves out to be so good here
[12:42] Pirate Russell: Well, knowing them a LOT longer than 'right off the bat'. And Communicaiotn.
[12:42] Pirate Russell: er communication
[12:42] ***KA***: just scared miss
[12:43] ***KA***: yes i totally understand, i will continue to come and listen if thats ok
[12:43] Pirate Russell: It's the same as any other online relationship. YOu need time, you need phone, before you meet. I met My RL Hubby on AOHell
[12:43] Pirate Russell: We knew eachother for about a year before we even thought about meeting IRL
[12:44] ***KA*** nods
[12:44] ***CO***: One can never 'know' for absolutely sure.
[12:44] Pirate Russell: A good rule-of-thumb is that if you're being rushed, something's wrong
[12:44] ***CO***: You need to develope trust.
[12:44] ***CO***: And that needs time
[12:44] ***KA***: yes Miss it made me feel very uncomfortable
[12:45] Pirate Russell: Then thell them #%^$ no, and if they can't handle that, move on!
[12:45] ***ST***: Nor can you be absolutely sure about somone you meet int he grocery store, gas station, dry cleaners or bar....you need to feel comfortable is the rule that applies no matter where you meet somone.
[12:46] Pirate Russell: True, Sed, but at least you can see if they brush their teeth, or whatever.
[12:47] ***KA***: lol very true sir
[12:47] ***ST***: that day..chuckles
[12:48] Pirate Russell: I know you're kidding, but that's true, too! But in dating, we're usually on our "best behavior".
[12:48] ***KA***: yes, be good and they think they will score *smiles*
[12:48] ***IM***: Just like in real dating, it may be best to "double date" a few times and have a friend who is aware of the situation.
[12:49] Pirate Russell: And with your friends, not his... ;-)
[12:49] ***IM***: Yikes.
[12:50] ***CO***: And, of course, the purse size bear spray.
[12:50] ***CO***: Never threaten
[12:50] ***CO***: Just use it
[12:50] ***CO***: Only if needed, of course.
[12:50] Pirate Russell: Or a tazer! LOL
[12:52] ***IM***: girl has several friends here in SL who have had to change avatars because of stalking. It seems to be a common problem. Why is it still tolerated at all? And is there anything W/we can do to get people to do something?
[12:52] ***IM***: And none of these people were in BDSM, they were all vanilla.
[12:52] ***CO***: What kind of something?
[12:52] Pirate Russell: Well, you can mute them, you can ban them from your lands
[12:53] ***ST***: isn't muting and removing from contasts list effective ? Ture they can create alts but you can must them as well. Othwise you end up spending a fortune on good skins.
[12:55] ***CO***: Well, you don't hear them, but everyone else does.
[12:55] Pirate Russell: True...
[12:55] ***IM***: Getting law enforcement involved, LL involved in prosecution, ISPs to stop giving access, that sort of stuff.
[12:57] Pirate Russell: It u***ST***to be that Law Enforcement ddint' see stalking as a crime, now they're much better about it
[12:57] Pirate Russell: With identity theft, and 'conventional' stalking, they're beeing dragged kicking and screaming into the 21st Centruy
[12:58] ***IM***: But there are so many different juristictions and local laws. girl has never seen a case resolved, just the victim having to run and hide.
[12:58] ***CO***: If the stalking is happening in SL, and the vicom wants to stay in SL, the choices become limited.
[12:58] ***IM*** nods
[12:58] Pirate Russell: Yes, My jurisdiction, ***IM***'s, the Feds cuz it's interstate, then if it's international...
[12:59] Pirate Russell: (Shhh remember she doesnt' know she's being stalked..... yet)
[12:59] ***CO***: Ah
[12:59] ***CO***: Nice we're having weather
[13:00] ***IM*** wonders about the strange clicks she keeps hearing on the phone, shrugs and continues dialing.
[13:01] Pirate Russell: And all the pinhole cameras you keep finding in the bathroom?
[13:02] ***IM*** shudders
[13:02] Pirate Russell: Anyway...... go to isee***IM***.com
[13:02] ***CO*** grabs for a pencil
[13:02] ***IM*** giggles
[13:02] Pirate Russell: All kidding aside, O/our time's about up, any last questions or comments?
[13:04] Pirate Russell: Ok, everyone that actually that typed in to their browser, has tostrip!
[13:04] Pirate Russell: and... class dismissed!
[13:04] ***HS***: Great class, thank you, Pirate ... got to run tho. Bye all !
[13:04] ***KA***: im assuming it is a fantasy for some to be stalked and or raped if for instance you where to have something happen to you along them lines what would you suggest being you have alot of experiance with many thing wouldbe the best way to deal with such an incounter
[13:04] ***IM***: Bye Miss Hekate
[13:05] ***KA***: en*
[13:05] ***CO***: So long
[13:05] Pirate Russell: Call the police.
[13:05] ***HS***: ㋡
[13:05] Pirate Russell: Dont' shower
[13:05] Pirate Russell: Byeeeee
[13:05] ***HS***: and ... poof!
[13:06] ***KA***: well im reffering to more if you are held at bay and cant , would you let them do what they wish in order to not get hurt or fight?
[13:06] ***KA***: dont shpower , hahah ,ok but then i itch alot
[13:06] ***CO***: ***KA***
[13:07] ***CO***: Can you fight?
[13:07] Pirate Russell: I wouldn't resist , unless I KNEW I could get to My handgun! but I'd get him later
[13:07] ***IM***: Don't shower after an attack so the police can collect evidence from your body.
[13:07] Pirate Russell: Shower after they examine you at the hospital. You can wash away LOTS of evidence
[13:08] ***KA***: well ofcourse i can fight Miss but men are strong ,i suppose if i knew the threat was coming i would arm myself
[13:08] ***IM***: It's probably best to go to a hospital after an attack and let the emergency room call the police.
[13:08] Pirate Russell: Or get to some place SAFE and call the police.
[13:09] ***IM*** nods
[13:09] ***KA***: yes i know all that , i thought maybe you had evidence as to whether the outcome was more favorable one way or the other
[13:09] Pirate Russell: The same as any violent crime
[13:09] Pirate Russell: No, sorry
[13:09] ***KA***: no body wants to be raped if they can prevent it ,geez
[13:10] Pirate Russell: True!
[13:10] ***CO***: What I meant, ***KA***, is to ask can you fight with a reasonable chance at sucess? Do you have experience in martial arts? Hand to hand combat? street fighting?
[13:10] ***CO***: If you do not, don't try to fight
[13:10] ***CO***: Your life is more important
[13:11] ***KA***: no miss, not at all , but ive beem toying with the option of getting handgiun trained, but that frightens me too, but ok class dismis***ST***ty all
[13:13] Pirate Russell: No worries, I have a little time
[13:13] ***CO***: ***KA***
[13:13] ***CO***: Think hard about that
[13:14] ***CO***: fighting must happen instantly
[13:14] ***CO***: Unless one is Doc Holiday, guns take time
[13:14] Pirate Russell: I disagree, ***CO***, if you get an 'opening' at ANYtime, and you think you can handle it, take it!
[13:15] ***CO***: That's exactly what I'm saying
[13:15] ***KA*** shivers feeling the cold breeze rush in through the areana her tender skin peppers with small bumps,nipples turn pebble hard as she brings her arms closer into her body" be well all and thank you Miss pirate" *smiles* *nods to there comments *
[13:15] ***CO***: If you can with a reasonable chance of success
[13:15] ***IM***: If there is a chance that help will come, yelling and screaming and kicking all help, according to what girl has heard.
[13:15] Pirate Russell: Ok, I thought you meant at the beginning of the "encounter" only
[13:16] ***IM***: It might just be enough to get someone to think it's not worth the trouble.
[13:16] Pirate Russell whispers: Oh, don't yell "Rape". Yell "Fire:, more people will come to your aid, believe it or not!
[13:16] Pirate Russell: Oh, don't yell "Rape". Yell "Fire:, more people will come to your aid, believe it or not!
[13:16] ***CO***: Yep
[13:16] ***ST***: police have thier own weapons turned against them them at times..sometimes providing the opertunity of leathal force means it could be u***ST***in unexpected ways.
[13:17] Pirate Russell: And I've heard some folks say to pee or poo on them!
[13:17] ***KA***: ewwwww
[13:17] Pirate Russell: EXACTLY the point, ***KA***. It could turn them off
[13:17] ***KA***: like a golden shower Miss?
[13:17] ***CO***: Well put, Sed
[13:18] ***ST***: My qouestion would be ...if you feel you have to pack a gun..why are you wanting to be alone with that person in the first place?
[13:18] Pirate Russell: That doesn't happen as often as the media leads you to think, though, sed. How many times do we see, in the same media, that an in truder was shot... but NEVER hear that the homeowner was shot with his own gun
[13:19] ***ST***: and if you carry one around all the time - thought metal detectors ....bep beep..strip search time!
[13:19] Pirate Russell has one in her purse most of the time, Sed, with hubby, with strangers, etc
[13:19] ***KA***: no thats not what i meant exactly sir , i meant more along the lines of being attacted by a stranger , ofcourse if i felt a threat to be with someone i wouldnt met them ,silly
[13:19] Pirate Russell: And I don't go a lot of places with dectors
[13:20] Pirate Russell: er detectors
[13:21] ***ST***: in many places there are conceelled hand gun laws to consider. licensing and training...is not a simple answer
[13:21] Pirate Russell: Of course if I am going on plane, or to the courthouse, I leave it home, but I go VERY few places where it would be noticed
[13:21] Pirate Russell is licen***ST***and a US Air Force Veteran
[13:23] ***ST***: that that works for You but not for the generial population across many ares of the world...thats all I am saying
[13:23] ***KA***: me cant help to think what Miss pirate is capable of doing with her knowledge gotta from the air force
[13:24] Pirate Russell is no commando, but knows how to use Her handgun, is all I'm saying
[13:24] ***KA***: and her cuffs im sure*grins*
[13:27] Pirate Russell: Well, I need to get My girl home, The only other class this week is Mine Friday at newn!
[13:27] ***CO***: Thank you Pirate
[13:27] ***CO***: I learned a lot
[13:27] ***KC***: thanks Miss Pirate for another stimulating discussion
[13:27] ***IM***: Thank You, Mistress.
[13:27] ***KA***: thank you Pirate it was a pleasure
[13:28] Pirate Russell: My pleasure, and any that care to tip, please go to the West of Ireland sim, and donate to Project Children
[13:28] ***CO***: Keep good care ***IM***
[13:28] ***CO***: And you Pirate
[13:29] ***KC***: goodbye Miss Pirate, sis
[13:29] Pirate Russell: You as well, Cidni and everyone else
[13:29] Pirate Russell: er ***CO***
[13:29] ***KC***: take care

Jealousy - 5/1/09

[12:16] Pirate Russell: Ok, please take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[12:16] Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! As most of y'all know, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor. I have been in SL for 31/2 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[12:16] Pirate Russell: For any that need to leave early, all transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[12:17] Pirate Russell: DISCLAIMER: I have no training or schooling in Psychology,Psychiatry, or Counseling of ANY kind! All of My observations are from My real life and what I've found on the web
[12:17] Pirate Russell: If you are having problems dealing with Jealousy, PLEASE PLEASE contact a competent professional!
[12:17] Pirate Russell: Jealousy typically refers to the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that occur when a person believes a valued relationship is being threatened by a rival.
[12:17] Pirate Russell: Dr. Jennifer James, author of "Women and the Blues: Passions That Hurt, Passions That Heal", wrote:
[12:17] Pirate Russell: "Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you.
[12:18] Pirate Russell: There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck.
[12:18] Pirate Russell: Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences."
[12:18] Pirate Russell: Jealousy is an emotion that can be very damaging to ANY relationship. It can also prevent you from growing emotionally.
[12:19] Pirate Russell: It is not the same thing as envy. Jealousy wants what someone else has. Envy is when you don't want someone else to have what you don't have.
[12:19] Pirate Russell: If a person is jealous, they already have what is desired but they are afraid of losing it.
[12:19] Pirate Russell: When you are feeling jealous, you are undergoing an emotional combination of anger, dependency, hurt, and self doubt. When you spend time focusing on what you are not, this is a result of insecurity.
[12:20] Pirate Russell: Sometimes when we are afraid of losing something, we actually cause it to happen because of our actions and behaviors.
[12:20] Pirate Russell: All our thoughts and actions are centered around our fears and insecurities. This causes more fear and insecurity. These feelings cause other harmful feelings and may result in us indulging in self pity.
[12:20] Pirate Russell: What are some ways of dealing with jealousy?
[12:20] Pirate Russell: * Develop independence. We need to be sure we are not overly dependant on any one person. We need to focus on the good things we have and not on what we don't have.
[12:21] Pirate Russell: * Focus on developing more confidence and attractiveness. Sometimes something simple like getting our hair done or changing our style of clothing can help.
[12:21] Pirate Russell: Taking a course on self esteem or assertiveness is also beneficial.
[12:21] Pirate Russell: * Be honest with yourself. Sit down with paper and list things that are making you jealous. Look at it objectively. Are these things silly or trivial or are they really important?
[12:21] Pirate Russell: * Communicate with the person who is the object of your jealousy. Tell them your feelings. Is that person doing something that is causing you to be jealous? Letting them know can often help the problem.
[12:22] Pirate Russell: If this other person cares for you, they will work on changing the behavior that is adding to your jealousy. Being aware of your feelings can also help you cope better.
[12:22] Pirate Russell: Realize that jealousy shows your lack of self esteem and uncertainty of your own worth. Work on taking a really good self evaluation.
[12:22] Pirate Russell: This experience can be a wonderful learning opportunity for you. Work on communication with other people. Work on developing confidence.
[12:23] Pirate Russell: * Study your rival. Look closely at the person you are jealous about. What do you like and dislike about the person? Are his or her qualities beyond your abilities? Be sure you are not being unrealistic about that person. Are you seeing things as they
[12:23] Pirate Russell: Take control of your feelings. Terminate the relationship if nothing else seems to work. Take the time to concentrate on your own growth. Work at trying to understand and improve your relationship.
[12:23] Pirate Russell: * Do not overreact. Remember, most incidents are temporary so don't magnify what happened.
[12:23] Pirate Russell: Serious jealousy stems from a fear of loss, reputation, control of ourselves, our spouses, or relationships. Losing control of our emotions and feelings will only make things worse.
[12:24] Pirate Russell: Bad reactions to Jealousy can even cause legal problems. I spent almoust 7 years as a Public Safety Telecommunications Officer (Big words for 911 Dispatcher).
[12:24] Pirate Russell: Not one shift went by where I didn't deal with a seriuos domestic problem. Most, I'd wager, stemmed from jealousy. How many of us have read this in or local or national news media, "If I can't have him/her, then nobody can!" I've know that many people
[12:25] Pirate Russell: I, for one, don't want to be someplace I'm not wanted. That's not fun for Me!
[12:25] Pirate Russell: EEP, it cut off "have." and the typo, too.. he he
[12:25] Pirate Russell: Likewise, I dont' force anyone, particularly My submissives to be with Me if they're not having fun.
[12:25] Pirate Russell: This is part of My Primary rule, that real life comes first, if you're not having fun, let's go do something that is, together or apart!
[12:26] Pirate Russell: I do get jealous sometimes. My girls have significant others with whom they spend time. I INSIST that they do! One has a fiancee, one a girl friend, and another a girl of her own.
[12:26] Pirate Russell: I miss them when they're not around, I am envious of the time they spend away, but I want them to have fun.
[12:27] Pirate Russell: Knowing they're having fun makes it all ok for Me. I want My girls, My friends, My acquaintences, and even most of My enemies to have fun.
[12:27] Pirate Russell: By having other friends, they've places to go have fun when I'm alone with one of the other girls. Even when I'm alone with one, I envy the time that the others spend away.
[12:27] Pirate Russell: I'm going to close today with one of My very favorite quotes on the subject, by Robert A Heinlein,
[12:27] Pirate Russell: "Love" is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
[12:28] Pirate Russell: Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy."
[12:28] Pirate Russell: Citations:
[12:28] Pirate Russell: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jealousy
[12:28] Pirate Russell: http://www.allaboutlifechallenges.org/dealing-with-jealousy-faq.htm
[12:28] Pirate Russell: http://www.todays-woman.net/quoteid-2304.html
[12:28] Pirate Russell: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/r/robert_a_heinlein.html
[12:29] Pirate Russell: Questions???? Comments?
[12:29] ***LP***: very true things, mistress
[12:29] ***LM***: that was really cool and insightful. thnx :)
[12:30] ***KC***: when girl first met her Mistress girl was jealouse of E/everyone and anyone but looks bck and thinks it was a result of being abandoned by another Miss. now however girl is secure in her relationship with that same Mistress and enjoys seeing Her have fun even if it is with someone else
[12:31] ***iG***: what would be the best way to start working on jelousy from other people. or how should one approach it when
[12:31] ***iG***: you ar the reason (real or presumed)
[12:31] ***KC***: the C word right Miss
[12:32] Pirate Russell: Communication.... let them know you don't value them any less. It's like kids, just because I had a son, it didn't mean that I didn't love My daughter any less.
[12:32] Pirate Russell beams at kiri!
[12:32] ***KC*** smiles
[12:32] Pirate Russell: But the bottom line, is that it's something they have to deal with.
[12:33] ***iG***: yes
[12:33] Pirate Russell: I can't make ***KC***stop being jealous when I spend time with ***HS***.
[12:33] ***KC*** giggles
[12:33] ***HS*** smiles
[12:33] Pirate Russell: ***KC***has to figure that out.
[12:33] ***iG***: but :) how can one help them
[12:33] ***KC*** nods
[12:34] ***LM***: thank u for the lecture miss. later all
[12:34] Pirate Russell: By letting them know that you don't love them any less
[12:34] ***TV***: How much of jealously do You think stems from the programming we get that there's One Only Now and Forever that we're supposed to be with?
[12:34] ***iG***: although to think after what youve said throws up answers
[12:35] ***DD***: this is deffinately a good class for me... now i have something to look forward to *smiles, thank you for the class Miss Pirate..
[12:35] Pirate Russell: Way too much, Three! Humans only got monagamous a few hundred years ago, a relatively short time. Thru religions
[12:36] ***iG***: as a method of social control?
[12:37] Pirate Russell: Well, Me vs. Religion is a talk for another day, but suffice to say, Religions are people control people in the name of a supreme being
[12:37] ***TV***: Amen!
[12:37] ***AD***: I find it strange that I stumbled across a class on jealousy at this moment.I'm having a hard time with it and really needed to read this.
[12:38] Pirate Russell: Well, I'm glad I could be of service, Allyssa, I truly am.
[12:38] Pirate Russell: This is one of My favorite classes, for all the typos.. he he
[12:38] ***AD*** smiles."my Master has 7 girls.So this was perfect."
[12:39] Pirate Russell has several, too. 3 girls I see pretty much daily, several I see less frequently, and My wife, too. So I have dealt with it from both ends
[12:39] ***AD*** nods.
[12:40] Gilles Kuhn: 7 poor guy... ;-)
[12:40] ***HS***: hehe
[12:40] ***AD*** chuckles."i suppose i am spoiled..he spends the most time with me..but when they do come up and he wants time with them i get a bit jealous."
[12:40] ***TV***: HeptaDom
[12:41] Pirate Russell: Hehe, Megga Dom?
[12:41] ***AD***: but really thank you so much
[12:42] Pirate Russell: Seriously, it's My pleasure, Allyssa
[12:42] ***iG***: you have my thanks also Miss Russell,
[12:43] ***TV***: Thank You so much, Miss Pirate
[12:43] Pirate Russell: Y/y'all are welcome
[12:43] ***KC*** smiles at Miss Pirate
[12:44] Pirate Russell: Any other comments before I close this up?
[12:44] Pirate Russell: Going Once.......
[12:44] Shu Benelli: thank you, Miss
[12:44] ***iG***: *g*
[12:44] Pirate Russell: .......................Twice...
[12:45] Pirate Russell: ...................................***TV***times a ladyyyyyy
[12:45] ***HS***: LOL
[12:45] Pirate Russell: Class dismissed!
[12:45] Pirate Russell: And since c lass is over, I claim ***HS***!
[12:45] Pirate Russell: he he
[12:45] ***AD*** skips around and goes in search of candy.
[12:45] Shu Benelli smiles "Thank you very much"
[12:45] ***iG***: agaiin thanks for your time..
[12:45] ***KC***: thank You very much Miss for another insightful class
[12:45] ***HS***: hehe, no can do Pirate, i have some things to get done
[12:45] ***HS***: sorry, raincheck?
[12:46] Pirate Russell: Just kidding, teasing... he he
[12:46] Pirate Russell: and OF COURSE!
[12:46] ***HS***: hehe, teasing gooood
[12:46] ***HS***: great class, ty
[12:46] ***HS***: already started that list
[12:47] Pirate gives ***HS*** a big hug.
[12:47] Pirate Russell: Mmmmmm
[12:47] ***HS***: hmmmmm, ty Pirate
[12:47] Pirate Russell: Be have!
[12:47] Pirate Russell: er Behave
[12:47] ***HS***: hehe, never
[12:47] Pirate Russell: I didn't say, "Well"!