Exhibiionism & Voyeurism - 11/4/09

[2009/11/04 12:09] Pirate Russell: Ok, please take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[2009/11/04 12:09] Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! As most of y'all know, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor.
[2009/11/04 12:09] Pirate Russell: I have been in SL for 4 years and I've been a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[2009/11/04 12:09] ***LL*** wonders where the goat is that is getting raped
[2009/11/04 12:09] Pirate Russell: Today's subject is Exhibitionism and Voyeurism
[2009/11/04 12:09] Pirate Russell: EXHIBITIONISM
[2009/11/04 12:09] Pirate Russell: The classical definition of Exhibitionism, known variously as flashing, apodysophilia and Lady Godiva syndrome, is the psychological need and pattern of behavior
[2009/11/04 12:09] Pirate Russell: involving the exposure of parts of the body to another person with a tendency toward an extravagant, usually at least partially sexually inspired behavior
[2009/11/04 12:10] Pirate Russell: to attract the attention of another in an open display of bare "private parts" — i.e., parts of the human body which would otherwise be left covered under clothing in nearly all other cultural circumstances
[2009/11/04 12:10] Pirate Russell: such as ***AT***, here
[2009/11/04 12:10] Pirate Russell: Although neither a valid nor a reliable study, one research team asked a sample of 185 exhibitionists,
[2009/11/04 12:11] Pirate Russell: “How would you have preferred a person to react if you were to expose your privates to him or her?”
[2009/11/04 12:11] ***LL*** would like a copy of that list
[2009/11/04 12:11] Pirate Russell: The most common response was “Would want to have sexual intercourse” (35.1%)
[2009/11/04 12:11] Pirate Russell: "No reaction necessary at all” (19.5%)
[2009/11/04 12:11] Pirate Russell: “To show their privates also” (15.1%)
[2009/11/04 12:11] Pirate Russell: “Admiration” (14.1%)
[2009/11/04 12:11] Pirate Russell: “Any reaction” (11.9%)
[2009/11/04 12:11] Pirate Russell: “Anger and disgust” (3.8%)
[2009/11/04 12:11] Pirate Russell: “Fear” (0.5)
[2009/11/04 12:11] Pirate Russell: Various types of behavior is classified as exhibitionistic. These include:
[2009/11/04 12:12] Pirate Russell: * Flashing is the display by a woman of bare breasts with an up-and-down lifting of the shirt and/or bra, or the display by a man of his bare penis.
[2009/11/04 12:12] Pirate Russell: * Mooning is the display of one's bare buttocks — both in a sexual, exhibitionistic context (almost always by females) and also when done (usually by men) for shock value. In Australia and New Zealand this is sometimes known as a browneye.
[2009/11/04 12:12] ***LL***: omg
[2009/11/04 12:12] Pirate Russell: * Anasyrma is lifting up of one's skirt to expose bare genitals, for varied reasons, but most often to please the exhibitionist.
[2009/11/04 12:13] Pirate Russell: Classically, the part(s) of the body exposed when referring to "flashing" are bare female breasts and/or buttocks. In reality, however, flashing and exhibitionism more often involve the genitalia or buttocks of either gender.
[2009/11/04 12:13] Pirate Russell: Again, as demonstrated by ***AT***... he he
[2009/11/04 12:14] Pirate Russell: A "male flasher" stands in stark comparison to this definition as the latter usually refers to a male indecently exposing his penis to an unwilling observer.
[2009/11/04 12:14] ***TC***: ㋡
[2009/11/04 12:14] Pirate Russell: Women typically do not suffer such societal sanctions and are usually encouraged, even heavily paid, to engage in such behavior.
[2009/11/04 12:14] ***LL***: that's fair :)
[2009/11/04 12:14] Pirate Russell: Again, the classical and rigid concept paints with a broad brush and states, "Flashing is done as a momentary "thrill" to inflate the ego of the flasher while having the 'added bonus' of increasing the sexual arousal of the recipient(s)."
[2009/11/04 12:14] Pirate Russell: These stereotypical thought patterns include unproved beliefs that exhibitionists who view exhibitionism as a lifestyle as opposed to a rare thrill,
[2009/11/04 12:15] Pirate Russell: however, more carefully select their target audience and make the exposure brief, inconspicuous and apparently unintentional.
[2009/11/04 12:15] Pirate Russell: Some researchers invalidly postulate that all exhibitionism is, whether on the end of the giver or the receiver, ultimately a sexual fetish, many practitioners see it as an art form.
[2009/11/04 12:15] Pirate Russell: Far less criticized are night clubs and goth bars that encourage mild exhibitionism to enhance the venue's atmosphere. This all contrasts with non-sexualized social nudity, in which the exposure is not connected with sexual expression,
[2009/11/04 12:16] Pirate Russell: such as sunbathing or swimming at nude beaches or other participation in public nudity events where nudity is the norm. In short, the classical view of exhibitionism misses the mark by a wider margin than erroneous scientific claims about homosexuality.
[2009/11/04 12:16] Pirate Russell: Accordingly, points must be made that define the differences between rational and irrational exhibitionism.
[2009/11/04 12:16] Pirate Russell: *Rational exhibitionists display themselves sexually to other people, singly or in groups, in appropriate settings. This can be done consensually as part of swinging or group sex.
[2009/11/04 12:17] Pirate Russell: When not done threateningly, the intent is usually to please and sexually arouse the viewer, giving the recipient an erotic rush.
[2009/11/04 12:17] Pirate Russell: *Irrational exhibitionists like to expose themselves in front of large crowds, typically at sporting events, streaking, or even teaching a class.
[2009/11/04 12:17] Pirate Russell pats ***AT*** on the head
[2009/11/04 12:17] ***LL*** zooms in on ***AT***'s Anasyrma
[2009/11/04 12:17] Pirate Russell: A similar irrational phenomenon is when, at the conclusion of a sporting event, a woman may flash her breasts while sitting atop someone's shoulders in a dense crowd of people.
[2009/11/04 12:18] Pirate Russell: Rational and irrational exhibitionists like to use the internet to distribute their stories and pictures on websites, sometimes using webcam feeds and other amateur methods.
[2009/11/04 12:18] Pirate Russell: ::lushes and has done both.....
[2009/11/04 12:18] Pirate Russell: Blushes
[2009/11/04 12:18] Pirate Russell: As a major distinction, irrational exhibitionists attempt to sexually arouse the recipient by giving the impression that the exposure is "first time" and/or "innocent."
[2009/11/04 12:19] Pirate Russell: Rational exhibitionists, instead, require an invitation from the recipient.
[2009/11/04 12:19] ***TC*** giggles
[2009/11/04 12:19] ***LL*** is irrational ...sigh...
[2009/11/04 12:19] Pirate Russell: Irrational exhibitionists typically lack this type of self control.
[2009/11/04 12:19] ***AJ***: :-)
[2009/11/04 12:20] Pirate Russell: Feel free to be 'as irrational' as ***AT***, here! ;-)
[2009/11/04 12:20] Pirate Russell: Exhibitionistic behavior does not necessarily imply alterations of the psychiatric condition of the average, everyday individual, unless the individual does such actions compulsively
[2009/11/04 12:20] ***LL***: oh, i am too innocent for that Miss :D
[2009/11/04 12:20] ***TC***: im not
[2009/11/04 12:20] Pirate Russell rolls Her eyes, and continues
[2009/11/04 12:20] Pirate Russell: in an effort to grab the attention s/he feels entitled to yet does not get in other aspects of life
[2009/11/04 12:20] ***LL*** bites her cheek
[2009/11/04 12:20] Pirate Russell: In psychiatry, exhibitionism is only considered a paraphilia once the practice begins to interfere with the quality of life or normal functioning capacity of the individual.
[2009/11/04 12:20] ***TC*** flashes Miss Pirate her furry breasts
[2009/11/04 12:21] Pirate Russell: yay, for cheetah breasts!
[2009/11/04 12:21] Pirate Russell: However, if the exposing individual shows an aggressive or criminal behavior, that is indecent exposure and is a separate phenomenon from exhibitionism and flashing.
[2009/11/04 12:21] Pirate Russell: VOYEURISM
[2009/11/04 12:21] Pirate Russell: Voyeurism is the sexual interest in spying on people engaged in intimate behaviors, such as undressing, sexual activity, or urinating.
[2009/11/04 12:21] Pirate Russell: In some cultures, voyeurism is considered to be deviant and even a sex crime. In the United Kingdom, non-consensual voyeurism became a criminal offense.
[2009/11/04 12:22] Pirate Russell: However, some societies tolerate it depending upon the circumstances (e.g., adolescent "Peeping Toms" and the UK dogging craze). The stereotypical voyeur is male, although many women also enjoy being voyeurs.
[2009/11/04 12:22] ***TC*** whispers: like Miss Pirate was doing to me yesterday giggles
[2009/11/04 12:23] Pirate Russell: Exactly
[2009/11/04 12:23] ***AJ***: Dogging craze?
[2009/11/04 12:23] Pirate Russell: In the United States, video voyeurism is criminalized in nine states. The original case responsible for the criminalization has been made into a television movie called Video Voyeur and documents the criminalization of secret photography.
[2009/11/04 12:23] Pirate Russell: Criminal voyeurism statutes are related to invasion of privacy laws but are specific to unlawful surreptitious surveillance without consent and unlawful recordings
[2009/11/04 12:23] MystiTool HUD 1.3.1: Entering chat range: Darby Bradley (19m)
[2009/11/04 12:24] Pirate Russell: including the broadcast, dissemination, publication, or selling of recordings involving places and times when a person has a reasonable expectation of privacy and a reasonable supposition that he or she is not being photographed
[2009/11/04 12:24] Pirate Russell: or filmed by "any mechanical, digital or electronic viewing device, camera or any other instrument capable of recording, storing or transmitting visual images that can be utilized to observe a person."
[2009/11/04 12:24] Pirate Russell: While some think Voyeurism is a crime, or a perversion, some of us think it's just fun!
[2009/11/04 12:24] MystiTool HUD 1.3.1: Entering chat range: Manxmanin Blindside (19m)
[2009/11/04 12:25] Pirate Russell: Quesitons, Comments?
[2009/11/04 12:25] ***TC***: none yet Miss
[2009/11/04 12:25] Pirate Russell: Trancripts are again going to the blog at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2009/11/04 12:25] Pirate Russell: College of Kink classes Monday, Tuesday & Thursday @ 7a, and Friday 1p.
[2009/11/04 12:25] Pirate Russell: WRONG
[2009/11/04 12:25] Pirate Russell: Wed/Thur at noon
[2009/11/04 12:25] Pirate Russell: Y/you would always check the Search/Events and look for the word College
[2009/11/04 12:25] Pirate Russell: [ you have reached the end of the current notecard - resetting to first line... ]
[2009/11/04 12:26] ***TC***: giggles at Miss Pirate argueing with herself
[2009/11/04 12:27] ***LL***: lrelease
[2009/11/04 12:27] ***LL***: pardon...i have to help a client
[2009/11/04 12:27] ***TC***: not really Miss
[2009/11/04 12:28] ***TC***: *GIGGLES* :)~~~~
[2009/11/04 12:28] Pirate Russell: So, no questions??
[2009/11/04 12:28] Pirate Russell: No comments?!
[2009/11/04 12:28] ***KM***: Thank you very much for your presentation
[2009/11/04 12:29] BarbaraAnn Stromfield: Yes, thank you
[2009/11/04 12:29] ***TT***: Thank you Pirate and ***AT*** for the information
[2009/11/04 12:29] ***AJ***: ty
[2009/11/04 12:29] Pirate Russell: No more exhibitionists, that I can Voyeur?
[2009/11/04 12:29] Ele Andretti: Thank you
[2009/11/04 12:30] Pirate Russell: Well, Class dismissed, then!
[2009/11/04 12:30] ***TC***: ok
[2009/11/04 12:30] Pirate Russell: Thanks y'all for coming!
[2009/11/04 12:30] ***KM***: Your girl was quite an excellent display
[2009/11/04 12:30] ***TT***: you're welcome
[2009/11/04 12:30] ***TC***: i didnt cum yet Miss * ★ * LoOoL * ★ *
[2009/11/04 12:30] Pirate Russell: Sadly, she's not Mine, but yes, she is a cumly one!
[2009/11/04 12:31] Pirate Russell: ***AT***, I'll see you for office hours!
[2009/11/04 12:31] ***AJ***: (groan)
[2009/11/04 12:31] ***AT*** blushes

Exhibiionism & Voyeurism - 10/29/09

[2009/10/29 12:05] Pirate Russell: Ok, please take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[2009/10/29 12:05] Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! As most of y'all know, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor.
[2009/10/29 12:05] Pirate Russell: I have been in SL for 4 years and I've been a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[2009/10/29 12:06] Pirate Russell: Today's subject is Exhibitionism and Voyeurism
[2009/10/29 12:06] Pirate Russell: EXHIBITIONISM
[2009/10/29 12:06] Pirate Russell: The classical definition of Exhibitionism, known variously as flashing, apodysophilia and Lady Godiva syndrome, is the psychological need and pattern of behavior
[2009/10/29 12:06] Pirate Russell: involving the exposure of parts of the body to another person with a tendency toward an extravagant, usually at least partially sexually inspired behavior
[2009/10/29 12:06] Pirate Russell: to attract the attention of another in an open display of bare "private parts" — i.e., parts of the human body which would otherwise be left covered under clothing in nearly all other cultural circumstances
[2009/10/29 12:07] Pirate Russell: Although neither a valid nor a reliable study, one research team asked a sample of 185 exhibitionists,
[2009/10/29 12:07] Pirate Russell: "How would you have preferred a person to react if you were to expose your privates to him or her?"
[2009/10/29 12:07] Pirate Russell: The most common response was "Would want to have sexual intercourse" (35.1%)
[2009/10/29 12:07] Pirate Russell: "No reaction necessary at all" (19.5%)
[2009/10/29 12:08] Pirate Russell: "To show their privates also" (15.1%)
[2009/10/29 12:08] Pirate Russell: "Admiration" (14.1%)
[2009/10/29 12:08] Pirate Russell: "Any reaction" (11.9%)
[2009/10/29 12:08] Pirate Russell: "Anger and disgust" (3.8%)
[2009/10/29 12:08] Pirate Russell: "Fear" (0.5)
[2009/10/29 12:08] Pirate Russell: Various types of behavior is classified as exhibitionistic. These include:
[2009/10/29 12:08] Pirate Russell: * Flashing is the display by a woman of bare breasts with an up-and-down lifting of the shirt and/or bra, or the display by a man of his bare penis.
[2009/10/29 12:08] Pirate Russell: * Mooning is the display of one's bare buttocks — both in a sexual, exhibitionistic context (almost always by females) and also when done (usually by men) for shock value. In Australia and New Zealand this is sometimes known as a browneye.
[2009/10/29 12:09] Pirate Russell: * Anasyrma is lifting up of one's skirt to expose bare genitals, for varied reasons, but most often to please the exhibitionist.
[2009/10/29 12:09] Pirate Russell: Classically, the part(s) of the body exposed when referring to "flashing" are bare female breasts and/or buttocks. In reality, however, flashing and exhibitionism more often involve the genitalia or buttocks of either gender.
[2009/10/29 12:10] Pirate Russell: A "male flasher" stands in stark comparison to this definition as the latter usually refers to a male indecently exposing his penis to an unwilling observer.
[2009/10/29 12:10] Pirate Russell: Women typically do not suffer such societal sanctions and are usually encouraged, even heavily paid, to engage in such behavior.
[2009/10/29 12:10] Pirate Russell: Again, the classical and rigid concept paints with a broad brush and states, "Flashing is done as a momentary "thrill" to inflate the ego of the flasher while having the 'added bonus' of increasing the sexual arousal of the recipient(s)."
[2009/10/29 12:10] Pirate Russell: These stereotypical thought patterns include unproved beliefs that exhibitionists who view exhibitionism as a lifestyle as opposed to a rare thrill,
[2009/10/29 12:11] Pirate Russell: however, more carefully select their target audience and make the exposure brief, inconspicuous and apparently unintentional.
[2009/10/29 12:11] Pirate Russell: Some researchers invalidly postulate that all exhibitionism is, whether on the end of the giver or the receiver, ultimately a sexual fetish, many practitioners see it as an art form.
[2009/10/29 12:11] Pirate Russell: Far less criticized are night clubs and goth bars that encourage mild exhibitionism to enhance the venue's atmosphere. This all contrasts with non-sexualized social nudity, in which the exposure is not connected with sexual expression,
[2009/10/29 12:12] Pirate Russell: such as sunbathing or swimming at nude beaches or other participation in public nudity events where nudity is the norm. In short, the classical view of exhibitionism misses the mark by a wider margin than erroneous scientific claims about homosexuality.
[2009/10/29 12:12] Pirate Russell: Accordingly, points must be made that define the differences between rational and irrational exhibitionism.
[2009/10/29 12:12] Pirate Russell: *Rational exhibitionists display themselves sexually to other people, singly or in groups, in appropriate settings. This can be done consensually as part of swinging or group sex.
[2009/10/29 12:12] Pirate Russell: When not done threateningly, the intent is usually to please and sexually arouse the viewer, giving the recipient an erotic rush.
[2009/10/29 12:13] Pirate Russell: *Irrational exhibitionists like to expose themselves in front of large crowds, typically at sporting events, streaking, or even teaching a class.
[2009/10/29 12:13] Pirate Russell: A similar irrational phenomenon is when, at the conclusion of a sporting event, a woman may flash her breasts while sitting atop someone's shoulders in a dense crowd of people.
[2009/10/29 12:13] Pirate Russell: Rational and irrational exhibitionists like to use the internet to distribute their stories and pictures on websites, sometimes using webcam feeds and other amateur methods.
[2009/10/29 12:13] Pirate Russell: As a major distinction, irrational exhibitionists attempt to sexually arouse the recipient by giving the impression that the exposure is "first time" and/or "innocent."
[2009/10/29 12:14] Pirate Russell: Rational exhibitionists, instead, require an invitation from the recipient.
[2009/10/29 12:14] Pirate Russell: Irrational exhibitionists typically lack this type of self control.
[2009/10/29 12:14] Pirate Russell: Exhibitionistic behavior does not necessarily imply alterations of the psychiatric condition of the average, everyday individual, unless the individual does such actions compulsively
[2009/10/29 12:14] Pirate Russell: in an effort to grab the attention s/he feels entitled to yet does not get in other aspects of life
[2009/10/29 12:15] Pirate Russell: In psychiatry, exhibitionism is only considered a paraphilia once the practice begins to interfere with the quality of life or normal functioning capacity of the individual.
[2009/10/29 12:15] Pirate Russell: However, if the exposing individual shows an aggressive or criminal behavior, that is indecent exposure and is a separate phenomenon from exhibitionism and flashing.
[2009/10/29 12:15] Pirate Russell: VOYEURISM
[2009/10/29 12:15] Pirate Russell: Voyeurism is the sexual interest in spying on people engaged in intimate behaviors, such as undressing, sexual activity, or urinating.
[2009/10/29 12:16] Pirate Russell: In some cultures, voyeurism is considered to be deviant and even a sex crime. In the United Kingdom, non-consensual voyeurism became a criminal offense.
[2009/10/29 12:16] Pirate Russell: However, some societies tolerate it depending upon the circumstances (e.g., adolescent "Peeping Toms" and the UK dogging craze). The stereotypical voyeur is male, although many women also enjoy being voyeurs.
[2009/10/29 12:16] Pirate Russell: In the United States, video voyeurism is criminalized in nine states. The original case responsible for the criminalization has been made into a television movie called Video Voyeur and documents the criminalization of secret photography.
[2009/10/29 12:16] Pirate Russell: Criminal voyeurism statutes are related to invasion of privacy laws but are specific to unlawful surreptitious surveillance without consent and unlawful recordings
[2009/10/29 12:16] Pirate Russell: including the broadcast, dissemination, publication, or selling of recordings involving places and times when a person has a reasonable expectation of privacy and a reasonable supposition that he or she is not being photographed
[2009/10/29 12:17] Pirate Russell: or filmed by "any mechanical, digital or electronic viewing device, camera or any other instrument capable of recording, storing or transmitting visual images that can be utilized to observe a person."
[2009/10/29 12:17] Pirate Russell: While some think Voyeurism is a crime, or a perversion, some of us think it's just fun!
[2009/10/29 12:17] Pirate Russell: Quesitons, Comments?
[2009/10/29 12:18] ***BS***: I can't think of any
[2009/10/29 12:18] ***BS***: Do some people like both?
[2009/10/29 12:18] ***BS***: Engage in both that is?
[2009/10/29 12:18] Pirate Russell raises Her hand
[2009/10/29 12:19] Pirate Russell: I was just about to ask if there were any other exhibitionists out there, so Icould Voyeur them.. he he
[2009/10/29 12:20] ***BS***: I think I must be a bit of an exhibitionist. I like for people to look up my skirt when I cross my legs
[2009/10/29 12:20] Pirate Russell: RL, or SL?
[2009/10/29 12:20] ***BS***: haha both actually
[2009/10/29 12:20] Pirate Russell: With or without panties?
[2009/10/29 12:21] ***BS***: And for people to look down my blouse
[2009/10/29 12:21] ***BS***: Usually with panties
[2009/10/29 12:21] Pirate Russell likes to.. engenieer those situations, too, I do like to make it look like an accident, though
[2009/10/29 12:21] Pirate Russell: like at the mall, standing close to an upstairs railing
[2009/10/29 12:21] ***BS***: Yes, of course
[2009/10/29 12:22] ***zA***: sorry i have to go now
[2009/10/29 12:22] Pirate Russell is surprised she's not worn out her keys by dropping them so many times
[2009/10/29 12:22] Pirate Russell: Bye, ***zA***, thanks for coming by!
[2009/10/29 12:22] ***BS*** laughs
[2009/10/29 12:22] ***BS***: bye ***zA***
[2009/10/29 12:23] ***TC***: sorry for being late Miss
[2009/10/29 12:23] ***BS***: I have to go too. Back to RL. Thanks for the lecture. I really enjoyed it!
[2009/10/29 12:23] Pirate Russell: Ok, have a good one ***BS***
[2009/10/29 12:23] ***BS***: Thank you
[2009/10/29 12:24] Pirate Russell: He he
[2009/10/29 12:24] ***BS***: Bye now
[2009/10/29 12:24] ***BS***: Bye ***TC***
[2009/10/29 12:24] Pirate Russell: Well, for girl's punishment, she must join Me, naked!
[2009/10/29 12:24] ***TC***: bye
[2009/10/29 12:24] ***TC***: yes Miss
[2009/10/29 12:26] Pirate Russell: Well, I guess that's it for today, class dismissed!

Why Don't they Log on Anymore - 10/28/09

[2009/10/28 11:09] Pirate Russell: Please take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[2009/10/28 11:09] Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! As most of y'all know, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor. I have been in SL for 4 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[2009/10/28 11:09] Pirate Russell: If any need to leave early, the transcript for this, and all other classes can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com.
[2009/10/28 11:10] Pirate Russell: Our topic today, "Alone: Why don't they log on anymore?".
[2009/10/28 11:10] Pirate Russell: alone by ~Hoeg on deviantART ( http://bdsmforbeginners.blogspot.com/search/label/Cyber%20Kink%20Issues )
[2009/10/28 11:10] Pirate Russell: "She's been my Mistress for 9 months.Now our blog's gone and She's not responding to email"
[2009/10/28 11:10] Pirate Russell: "We were about to collar her and she vanished without a word"
[2009/10/28 11:10] Pirate Russell: "I don't think I'm going to get to see Her again for a long while...if ever.
[2009/10/28 11:10] Pirate Russell: *She's deleted Her yahoo account. "
[2009/10/28 11:10] Pirate Russell: "How long do I wait? I can't seem to move forward"
[2009/10/28 11:11] Pirate Russell: One day you are happy, playing with your online BDSM play partner, chatting about inconsequential things and planning your next time together.
[2009/10/28 11:11] Pirate Russell: The next day, without warning, your world falls apart. Your partner fails to turn up online. They don't respond to your attempts to contact them. Their email address bounces.
[2009/10/28 11:11] Pirate Russell: Yep
[2009/10/28 11:11] Pirate Russell: Their profile vanishes from the sites you both belong to. No one in your online community has heard from them. You panic: are they ill? Hurt? Dead in a car crash? How will you ever know?
[2009/10/28 11:12] Pirate Russell: You suddenly realize you have no way to find them. You search through every IM conversation record for facts about their real life - anything that might lead you to them...
[2009/10/28 11:12] Pirate Russell: Days pass. Weeks. You go from feeling concern to blaming yourself: you must have been a bad sub or Dom/me. You drove them away. Its all your fault. You must have said something wrong (but what??).
[2009/10/28 11:12] Pirate Russell: Then your mood switches to frustration and anger: how dare they do this? How could they? They said they cared. You were friends. More than friends. They knew you better than anyone. Then you feel despair: you feel betrayed.
[2009/10/28 11:13] Pirate Russell: How long must you wait? WHERE ARE THEY???? Then you just feel numb.
[2009/10/28 11:13] Pirate Russell: Sometimes they never come back. Sometimes they do. That can be worse.
[2009/10/28 11:13] Pirate Russell: Welcome to the world of online loss.
[2009/10/28 11:14] Pirate Russell: It's a remarkably common experience - most of us with online play partners (whether for online sex, dating, BDSM or even on games like Second Life) will unfortunately encounter it in some form.
[2009/10/28 11:14] Pirate Russell: Equally unfortunately there's very little written about it, but it's an experience you don't want to go through alone.
[2009/10/28 11:14] Pirate Russell: This BDSM For Beginners post will hopefully provide you with some ways to understand it, cope with it and hopefully in future avoid it.
[2009/10/28 11:14] Pirate Russell: I. WHY DO PEOPLE DISAPPEAR ONLINE?
[2009/10/28 11:15] Pirate Russell: It's impossible to speak for individuals, but we can draw some general observations about why / when people disappear:
[2009/10/28 11:15] Pirate Russell: Disappearing at the end of a relationship:
[2009/10/28 11:15] Pirate Russell: In this case your partner vanishes after an argument, or things go wrong. They may cut off all contact and make public statements like deleting their blogs or profiles.
[2009/10/28 11:15] Pirate Russell: In these cases you have some warning that things are going wrong, so while the whole experience is upsetting (as is the end of any relationship, whether kinky or vanilla, or real time or online) at least you have an understanding of why it occurred.
[2009/10/28 11:16] Pirate Russell: Many people are sincere in wanting to dismantle the online persona they utilized with you, at the end of a relationships.
[2009/10/28 11:16] Pirate Russell: However be aware that others use the threat of vanishing as a nasty means to control their partner, when an online relationship is in trouble.
[2009/10/28 11:16] Pirate Russell: In these cases they may not entirely delete their profile but might delete their friends list, etc and leave a statement claiming they no longer use the site (this always looks very silly when you can see elsewhere on their page that they are online).
[2009/10/28 11:17] Pirate Russell: If your partner turns out to be playing this sort of game, while there is certainly hope you might get back together (or else why would they still be around)
[2009/10/28 11:17] Pirate Russell: it might be time to have a good hard think about whether you really want to continue in a relationship with someone who plays around with your mind and heart in such a manner.
[2009/10/28 11:17] Pirate Russell: II.DISSAPPEARING BECAUSE OF REAL LIFE ISSUES:
[2009/10/28 11:17] Pirate Russell: In these circumstances, you may or may not get warning, depending how close you are to your online partner and how much they discuss their real life with you. If they do, then you will be aware of whatever crisis they are facing.
[2009/10/28 11:17] Pirate Russell: If not, they leave an email or IM message for you, saying that they have a problem and need some time offline. It may not provide all the information you want but at least such a message means you know where they are,
[2009/10/28 11:18] Pirate Russell: and that your online relationship will hopefully be able to resume when their situation is improved. They may of course also leave a message that says their problem is ongoing (such as trying to fix a marriage) and they won't be back.
[2009/10/28 11:18] Pirate Russell: Disappearing for a while due to online fatigue:
[2009/10/28 11:18] Pirate Russell: Sometimes people just need to take a break for a while. They may leave a message. Other times there is no warning, although looking back you will probably recognize your partner was under stress.
[2009/10/28 11:18] Pirate Russell: They don't delete anything online, they just don't seem to come online anymore and become impossible to contact.
[2009/10/28 11:19] Pirate Russell: I'm guilty of this myself. I call it Mistress Fatigue - a desperate need to have a break from your online persona for a while. I always come back. But I just need some space. If you seem to be encountering this kind of disappearance,
[2009/10/28 11:19] Pirate Russell: there is one magic word that solves the problem: patience. Trust your partner. They will be back, and they will appreciate the patience and consideration you have shown.
[2009/10/28 11:19] Pirate Russell: III. DISAPEARING WITHOUT WARNING:
[2009/10/28 11:19] Pirate Russell: This is the scenario I outlined at the beginning of this post. You get no warning at all: they are simply gone. The worst scenario going through your head - that they may have died - is unlikely
[2009/10/28 11:19] Pirate Russell: (although I know one sub who did lose a great friend and Mistress this way, when she died unexpectedly). They may be in hospital, or have close relatives in hospital, and be unable to get online.
[2009/10/28 11:20] Pirate Russell: Their computer may have broken down. They may have forgotten to pay their wireless bill. Or gone on an unexpected business trip.
[2009/10/28 11:20] Pirate Russell: All these reasons work well in the short term, but they don't work after a week or so. Nor do they offer comfort if your partner has deleted their online personas.
[2009/10/28 11:20] Pirate Russell: At some point you may just have to face up (as I once did) to the cold hard fact that someone you care about simply does not care enough about you to get in touch and explain their actions.
[2009/10/28 11:20] Pirate Russell: Although nothing has been specifically written about BDSM online relationship disappearances, you can find responses (such as B Z on datingdame.com) documenting reasons for vanishing during online dating:
[2009/10/28 11:21] Pirate Russell: "When I mysteriously disappear online, it usually means I am afraid of rejection.
[2009/10/28 11:21] Pirate Russell: I am afraid of the person saying, "Hurrumph, she said she was not fat". I am afraid of becoming all nervous and silly and making a fool of myself by saying the wrong things. And if I do manage to overcome these worries, I have the secondary fear of reject
[2009/10/28 11:21] Pirate Russell: If the person is, in real life, dull or bad-tempered, I don't want to have gotten all excited about a date only to have to turn down their request for another one."
[2009/10/28 11:22] Pirate Russell: But these reasons don't seem to apply to online only BDSM relationships, unless your partner vanished just before you arranged to meet.
[2009/10/28 11:22] Pirate Russell: You may find some hint in your relationship's history (I was told much later that my gone-without-warning sub did not want to tell me she was moving to a real time dominant).
[2009/10/28 11:22] Pirate Russell: But let's be honest, you may never hear why. Perhaps the only "why" we will ever know is one Dragon Lord touches on indirectly in The Views From The Dragon's Lair: Dealing With Running:
[2009/10/28 11:22] Pirate Russell: "Ever notice how many people are running everyday? Running here and there, running to their jobs, running to their homes, running to make money, running from debt, running from so many things: pain, love, commitment, the past, the future.
[2009/10/28 11:23] Pirate Russell: Sometimes I wonder if they really know what they are running from. In this life from a Dominant's perspective we see a lot of this running, we encounter it constantly ....
[2009/10/28 11:23] Pirate Russell: "[Some people even run] from their goals. Once they realized that you were not the other person, that you were true to your word, then they became scared of the commitment that will incur their desires coming true. .....
[2009/10/28 11:23] Pirate Russell: There are so many different reasons that people run: i.e. the fear of not being needed, the fear of disappointing, the fear of having disappointed, and the fear of rejection, of acceptance, of success and of failure".
[2009/10/28 11:23] Pirate Russell: IV. WHAT DO YOU FEEL WHEN THIS HAPPENS?
[2009/10/28 11:24] Pirate Russell: Well, obviously you feel like shit. I grieved for months. Another friend who is currently experiencing this recently wrote:
[2009/10/28 11:24] Pirate Russell: "I understand real life comes first. There have been times where I've walked away for one reason or another. I've hurt people in the past, never intentionally but it has happened and I still regret it ...
[2009/10/28 11:24] Pirate Russell: Understanding doesn't make it any easier though ... [I'm] feeling abandoned, confused, lost ... just wishing to have one last conversation to talk things over. There are no hard feelings, just things left unsaid and questions left unanswered ... ".
[2009/10/28 11:24] Pirate Russell: I felt exactly the same. He also faces the same terrible double bind - the uncertainty of whether to move on or to wait: "If She does come back soon, I don't want it to appear that I have been disloyal, or unfaithful.
[2009/10/28 11:25] Pirate Russell: But what if She doesn't come back?". People in other areas on online life face the same issues, such as Carly, who experienced the disappearance of her marriage partner on Second Life:
[2009/10/28 11:25] Pirate Russell: "I don't know what to do. I'm normally a pretty aggressive, take charge kind of woman, but right now I feel so pathetic. How long do I wait to move on? A month? Two? Three? I don't know how long I can stand to feel like this.
[2009/10/28 11:25] Pirate Russell: I went from having it all to having nothing but ashes. I don't want another girl, I want the one I had..."
[2009/10/28 11:26] Pirate Russell: But on the other hand, you have to start to think of your own needs, as my friend did:
[2009/10/28 11:26] Pirate Russell: "Will She be back? How long will it take? How long should I wait? That last [question] is kind of a big one for me. I use my time online to express myself, to satisfy that submissive itch that I have, that cannot be ignored.
[2009/10/28 11:26] Pirate Russell: If it goes too long without being scratched I find myself depressed, irritable, and just not myself".
[2009/10/28 11:26] Pirate Russell: This brings us to the next question: your survival.
[2009/10/28 11:27] Pirate Russell: V. HOW DO I COPE, IN PRACTICAL TERMS?
[2009/10/28 11:27] Pirate Russell: Firstly, and most importantly BY NOT BLAMING YOURSELF.
[2009/10/28 11:27] Pirate Russell: The fact your play partner has vanished IS NOT YOUR FAULT. You are not a bad sub or a bad Dom/me. You did not fail. You did not drive them away. Their disappearance is about their issues, not yours.
[2009/10/28 11:27] Pirate Russell: Secondly, treat yourself gently. You are in mourning and in shock: give yourself your normal post BDSM scene aftercare. Look after yourself.
[2009/10/28 11:28] Pirate Russell: Here are some issues you might have to deal with:
[2009/10/28 11:28] Pirate Russell: Trying to find them:
[2009/10/28 11:28] Pirate Russell: Okay so you are convinced they are out there, injured somewhere, or alone and hurt. What can you do? Well again this entirely depends on the information you exchanged during your online relationship.
[2009/10/28 11:29] Pirate Russell: If you have a real name and a city, you probably CAN track them down. But think this through; you don't want to be accused of stalking so use the info you have to make sure they are alive and well - and then let them be.
[2009/10/28 11:29] Pirate Russell: If you never exchanged real names its going to be tricky to find them. You might be able to do it on the basis of other information.
[2009/10/28 11:30] Pirate Russell: Its also important to talk to others in your online community - they may have more recent information (I heard one story where a Mistress left a message for her sub with other subs in a chatroom, when she had to leave the country in a hurry)
[2009/10/28 11:30] Pirate Russell: or be aware if your partner has done this in the past, before you came on the scene
[2009/10/28 11:30] Pirate Russell: Contacting them again:
[2009/10/28 11:31] Pirate Russell: Some people will tell you after any relationship finishes (vanilla or otherwise) to burn the photos, chuck out the momentos and never contact them again. So re contacting someone who has disappeared,
[2009/10/28 11:31] Pirate Russell: I guess it comes down to how badly you were hurt during your period of loss.
[2009/10/28 11:31] Pirate Russell: Sure, if it doesn't feel good, then leave them be. But if you still feel something for them, and you believe they are out there somewhere and still picking up their mail, then why not drop them the odd line?
[2009/10/28 11:31] Pirate Russell: Wish them Happy Birthday, Merry Xmas and Happy New Year. It lets them know you are thinking of them. There is also the chance they may respond.
[2009/10/28 11:32] Pirate Russell: In the online dating world, B Z advises that when she disappears online, what people should do in response is "DON'T go all stalkery on me, sending email after email imploring me to respond.
[2009/10/28 11:32] Pirate Russell: The best thing to do would be to continue to send the occasional email just to keep in touch. Perhaps ask for my help with something - you need to buy a present for a teenaged niece, or you need to translate something into a language I know.
[2009/10/28 11:33] Pirate Russell: You might invite me to a group event. If you are painting your house and inviting everyone you know over to help paint and then eat barbecue, I just might show up".
[2009/10/28 11:33] Pirate Russell: What to do if/when they turn up again:
[2009/10/28 11:33] Pirate Russell: This is the hardest part of all. You go through weeks, possibly months of grieving. You finally move on ... and then one day they reappear. Invariably this happens long after you have stopped dreaming of it happening!
[2009/10/28 11:33] Pirate Russell: In many cases, the person hardly gives any explanation but often seems to expect the relationship to pick up as if they had never been away.
[2009/10/28 11:33] Pirate Russell: Many Dom/mes have spoken to me about this. It's rare that the relationship is resumed, because trust has been so profoundly broken - would you ever believe their promise that it wouldn't happen again?
[2009/10/28 11:34] Pirate Russell: But why don't you at least try to preserve the friendship? However: do be prepared. They often disappear again.
[2009/10/28 11:34] Pirate Russell: VI. WHAT CAN I DO TO AVOIDIT HAPPENING (AGAIN)?
[2009/10/28 11:34] Pirate Russell: A lot of this has to do with personalities and individual relationships and it seems impossible to generalize, but there are a few things you can do:
[2009/10/28 11:34] Pirate Russell: * Exchange real names and contact details. I've made this a part of all online sub contracts since my own experience.
[2009/10/28 11:35] Pirate Russell settles for an email address
[2009/10/28 11:35] Pirate Russell: * Set up a contact scheme for emergencies: Some Dom/mes arrange for a third party to be involved, to contact their subs if the Dom/me has a family crisis, health emergency, etc. Discuss with each other what might work for you both.
[2009/10/28 11:35] Pirate Russell: * Talk about online disappearances. Make sure the topic comes up in conversation with your partner during good times. Ask them if they have ever done it, what their feelings are about it.
[2009/10/28 11:36] Pirate Russell looks down at Her ***BH***, and poofs...
[2009/10/28 11:36] Pirate Russell: JUST K***IW***NG!
[2009/10/28 11:36] Pirate Russell: It sounds trite and sure some people lie, but this remains a fairly successful way of finding out what they think. It also gives you an opportunity to get your own thoughts about it across.
[2009/10/28 11:36] ***LL***: :x
[2009/10/28 11:36] ***IM*** giggles
[2009/10/28 11:36] ***BH*** looks up frowning a bit
[2009/10/28 11:36] Pirate Russell: If your partner knows you'd be worried sick if they vanished, they may try more to keep you in the loop regarding their plans.
[2009/10/28 11:36] Pirate Russell: * Never take your online relationship for granted: the truth is you never know when someone might disappear - or other things might go wrong - so remember
[2009/10/28 11:37] Pirate Russell: every time you meet online to really appreciate your play partner and the wonderful BDSM times you are having. Your appreciation will be visible to them, and will make them appreciate you more as well.
[2009/10/28 11:37] Pirate Russell: And good luck!
[2009/10/28 11:37] Pirate Russell: Citation: http://bdsmforbeginners.blogspot.com/search/label/Cyber%20Kink%20Issues
[2009/10/28 11:37] Pirate Russell: The transcript for this, and all other classes can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2009/10/28 11:37] Pirate Russell: Questions?? Comments??
[2009/10/28 11:38] ***nS***: some wonderfull information passed in the Lecture Miss
[2009/10/28 11:38] Pirate Russell smiles, "Thanks, ***nS***"
[2009/10/28 11:38] ***DB***: Quite a good overview.
[2009/10/28 11:39] ***LL***: i think discussing it before it happens and making it clear you just need to know and won't pressure the other person is important
[2009/10/28 11:39] ***LL***: some people can't face hurting you
[2009/10/28 11:39] Pirate Russell: Well, as in any relationship, Vanilla or D/s, COMMUNICATION is the most important thing!
[2009/10/28 11:40] ***LL***: one of my best friends from 2006 disappearing leaving 5 sims to be reclaimed by Linden Lab
[2009/10/28 11:40] ***LL***: we all think she's dead or something
[2009/10/28 11:40] Pirate Russell hopes not, but you never know
[2009/10/28 11:40] ***IM***: It doesn't take long for the trust to be broken in vanilla or BDSM relatioonships. girl has a friend who pretended to die IRL and came back a day later. Now she's lost most of her friends.
[2009/10/28 11:41] ***LL***: wow
[2009/10/28 11:41] ***DB***: There is one reason for disappearence that should be mentioned; the fact that there may be conflict between SL and RL self-images. EG, you may be a victim of their success, in a perverse way.
[2009/10/28 11:41] ***nS***: ohh...
[2009/10/28 11:41] Pirate Russell: Yeah, that can be rough, trust is HARD to rebuild
[2009/10/28 11:41] ***IW***: think its important to make the partner understand that once trust is broken the road to fix it is.. yeh almost imposible
[2009/10/28 11:41] ***LL***: one thing Miss you said......that they don't care as much about you, as you do about them, i think is true
[2009/10/28 11:42] Pirate Russell: Sorry ***IW***, didn't mean to steal your thunder
[2009/10/28 11:42] ***IW*** smiles warmly at Miss Pirate "not hard taken"
[2009/10/28 11:42] Pirate Russell is pretty much SURE that nobody, not even ***BH*** or ***IM*** care as much about Me, as I do about each of them!
[2009/10/28 11:43] ***IM***: It feels that way, which is nearly the same thing, Miss Lexi.
[2009/10/28 11:43] ***IM*** smiles at Mistress
[2009/10/28 11:43] ***BH*** stays silent on that one
[2009/10/28 11:43] ***DB***: Communication, self-honesty and an awareness of your own limits is one way to avoid doing this to someone else. For truly, that's the key, we only control our own actions.
[2009/10/28 11:43] Pirate Russell strokes girl's hair, lovingly
[2009/10/28 11:43] ***nS***: i think one of the hardest things to do is beg release from your Dom
[2009/10/28 11:44] ***BH*** leans into the hand
[2009/10/28 11:44] Pirate Russell: There is something I'd forgotten, "Self-Honesty" is necessary before communication, or you end up lieing, even if only by accident
[2009/10/28 11:44] ***LL***: it makes it hard to have another sl relationship of the same level
[2009/10/28 11:44] ***DB*** smiles ruefully.
[2009/10/28 11:44] ***DB***: one has to be *aware* one is lying, as well.
[2009/10/28 11:45] ***TW*** listens intently
[2009/10/28 11:45] ***DB2***: I agree with that Mistress. Knowing what you want from your relationships online is the greatest piece of knowledge you can hold....and will save you a lot of heartache.
[2009/10/28 11:45] ***CC***: lots of dishonesty here
[2009/10/28 11:46] ***LL***: i've discovered that many come back with alts, and just leave you unaware
[2009/10/28 11:46] :: ***BH*** invited you to a couple animation, choose 'yes' to accept
[2009/10/28 11:46] ***CC***: indeed
[2009/10/28 11:46] ***LL***: they just can't face you and break things off
[2009/10/28 11:46] ***DB***: "What do you seek" is one of my first questions.
[2009/10/28 11:46] Pirate Russell: Pardon Me a moment, she's gotta go
[2009/10/28 11:46] ***BH*** hugs tight before leaving
[2009/10/28 11:46] ***CC***: won't accept responsibility for their actions or feelings
[2009/10/28 11:47] ***LL***: i bet most disappearances fall into the alt category
[2009/10/28 11:47] ***CC***: most of us do not KNOW what we seek til we find it
[2009/10/28 11:47] Pirate Russell: Most likely
[2009/10/28 11:47] ***CC***: thats a lame question
[2009/10/28 11:47] ***IW***: how.. can one give respect if not given the respect to themselfs in beeing honest?
[2009/10/28 11:48] Pirate Russell: ***CC***, please, no questions are lame
[2009/10/28 11:48] ***DB***: ***CC***, until I know where someone needs to be and where they are currently, I have no idea if their path and mine continue together.
[2009/10/28 11:48] ***ED***: And the fact that we grow too as we move through the relationship. Sometimes our partner doesn't.
[2009/10/28 11:49] ***CC***: yes
[2009/10/28 11:49] ***TW*** nods
[2009/10/28 11:49] ***CC***: explore
[2009/10/28 11:49] ***CC***: it works much better
[2009/10/28 11:49] Pirate Russell: One needs to know his own path first, then the path of the other, before you can see if they're going the same direction at the same time
[2009/10/28 11:50] ***IM***: How do make it so someone can say goodbye instead of just leave?
[2009/10/28 11:51] Pirate Russell: I allow al My girls, and friends the opportunity to talk to ME, not just Pirate
[2009/10/28 11:51] ***LL***: well, talking about this possibly happening before it does i think is smart. and leaving an opening for the other person to breakup w/o guilt
[2009/10/28 11:51] ***LL***: "if we grow apart, i'll accept it, but please tell me"
[2009/10/28 11:52] ***TW***: exit strategy? But isn't that like self fufilling prophecy?
[2009/10/28 11:52] Pirate Russell: And yes, I do try to be an adult when it happens.
[2009/10/28 11:52] ***LL***: then so would all pre-nups be
[2009/10/28 11:52] ***TW*** knows she probably wrote that wrong
[2009/10/28 11:52] ***IM***: Yeah, can one plan for it without expecting it?
[2009/10/28 11:52] ***LL***: refusing to write a will does not mean you will live forever
[2009/10/28 11:52] ***aC***: I might add that i left my girl for 2 months..i did send her an email that i was ok but not if or when i would get back. she waited for me the 2 months and we are better then ever now. had the "fatigue", think things over thing
[2009/10/28 11:53] Pirate Russell talks a good game, but is notoriously bad planner in Her personal life, RL and SL.
[2009/10/28 11:53] ***LL***: the time to discuss these things are when you are getting along great
[2009/10/28 11:53] ***IM***: girl supposes it would be like a marriage contract. girl can't imagine that either.
[2009/10/28 11:54] ***LL***: the reality is, you probably will break up, discussion or not
[2009/10/28 11:54] ***DB2***: I like what ***LL***said there. But I also think that kind of understanding of online interactions comes with time and a lot of people just aren't /there/ yet. I try to have that talk early on to see if they share my belief that online relationships can be long and beautiful, but are not really meant to sustain forever, so there will come a point when the journey will end.
[2009/10/28 11:54] ***TW***: I just think if you talk about the end you give it power... but I also agree that there should be understanding
[2009/10/28 11:54] Pirate Russell whispers: Well, 50% of Marriages in America end up in divorce, the other half in death, which is better??? LOL
[2009/10/28 11:54] Pirate Russell: Well, 50% of Marriages in America end up in divorce, the other half in death, which is better??? LOL
[2009/10/28 11:54] Pirate Russell: Didn't mean to whisper that the 1st time
[2009/10/28 11:54] ***TW***: depends on the marriage?
[2009/10/28 11:54] ***TW***: giggles
[2009/10/28 11:55] ***DB***: In particular, respect one's own hard limits and play within them.
[2009/10/28 11:55] Pirate Russell is on Her second, and this one will kill Me, one way or the other
[2009/10/28 11:55] ***IM*** giggles
[2009/10/28 11:55] ***TW*** winces
[2009/10/28 11:55] ***LL***: things move fast in sl, and people evolve and change quickly, leaving relationships in their wake
[2009/10/28 11:55] ***ED***: We've all been there Pirate
[2009/10/28 11:55] Pirate Russell: But seriously, if we are honest with ourselves and with our partners, things will work themselves out
[2009/10/28 11:55] ***LL***: many of us are curiousity sluts
[2009/10/28 11:56] Pirate Russell: That's true, I've heard SL years are like Dog years, but at a 10 to 1 ratio
[2009/10/28 11:56] ***IM*** nods
[2009/10/28 11:56] ***LL***: amen
[2009/10/28 11:56] ***NQ***: True honesty is rare, Pirate.
[2009/10/28 11:56] ***TW***: time is bent in SL for sure
[2009/10/28 11:57] ***DB***: Speaking of overdue commitments, I must go find a bank machine. :P Do please excuse my impending absence.
[2009/10/28 11:57] Pirate Russell: Oh, you can just give Me your money ***DB***, I'll put it to good use....
[2009/10/28 11:57] ***LL***: sure, abandon us ;)
[2009/10/28 11:57] Pirate Russell: Oh? A withdrawal??
[2009/10/28 11:57] ***IM***: You can write it off as a bad debt.... hehe.
[2009/10/28 11:58] ***DB***: alas, no. And I wish. They DO have my real life details. :P
[2009/10/28 11:58] ***LL***: well, now that we are all totally depressed.....
[2009/10/28 11:58] Pirate Russell: OOOHHH.. he he
[2009/10/28 11:58] Pirate Russell isn't depressed at all, because I know how I'll handle it if ***IM*** left me
[2009/10/28 11:58] ***IM***: Hunt girl down and kill her?
[2009/10/28 11:58] Pirate Russell: Id quit SL, and the internet! LOL
[2009/10/28 11:58] ***IW***: its just the fact of the Internet Lexi. its shame it is like that but it happends
[2009/10/28 11:58] ***LL***: hee
[2009/10/28 11:59] ***IM***: Awww.
[2009/10/28 11:59] ***TW***: Doesn't it come down to how you handle yourself though?
[2009/10/28 11:59] Pirate Russell: It has happened to me a MILLION times, but I remember the good times!
[2009/10/28 11:59] Pirate Russell grins at Tink, "Stay outta My head!" LOL
[2009/10/28 11:59] ***TW*** smiles
[2009/10/28 12:00] ***LL***: so no refreshments, huh?
[2009/10/28 12:00] ***DB2***: In a way, knowing how very /easy/ it is to lie and hide and abandon on the internet, that makes it so much more epic when you find someone that is honest, knowing they don't really have to be...
[2009/10/28 12:00] ***IW***: what would you like to have Lexi?
[2009/10/28 12:00] ***LL*** came for the junk food
[2009/10/28 12:00] ***TW***: So it's a matter of accountability?
[2009/10/28 12:01] ***DB2***: That's always the bottom line :)
[2009/10/28 12:01] ***CC***: and how serious you take your responsibilities
[2009/10/28 12:01] ***LL***: actually, i missed the last forum by minutes, and am really glad i made this one
[2009/10/28 12:01] ***IW*** sends over a Popcorn Box to Lexi
[2009/10/28 12:01] ***CC***: even if they are online
[2009/10/28 12:01] ***NQ***: Player reliability is the keyword.
[2009/10/28 12:01] ***LL*** is not falling for that popcorn box trick
[2009/10/28 12:01] ***NQ***: Excuse us please
[2009/10/28 12:02] ***IW***: trick?
[2009/10/28 12:02] ***nS***: giggles
[2009/10/28 12:02] ***LL***: where the guy puts the box in his lap and you reach in....
[2009/10/28 12:02] ***IM*** laughs
[2009/10/28 12:02] Pirate Russell: Ok, I'll end class today with this......
[2009/10/28 12:02] Pirate Russell: What do you do when a girl sits on your hand???
[2009/10/28 12:02] ***IW***: i'd never do such a thing i'm a nice girl
[2009/10/28 12:02] ***LL***: ty ***IW*** :)
[2009/10/28 12:02] ***DB2***: wave
[2009/10/28 12:02] Pirate Russell: GET HER OFF! Class dismissed!
[2009/10/28 12:02] ***TW***: giggles
[2009/10/28 12:02] ***aC***: hehehe
[2009/10/28 12:02] ***TW***: Thank you Pirate!
[2009/10/28 12:03] ***nS***: laughs
[2009/10/28 12:03] ***LL***: thank you Miss Pirate
[2009/10/28 12:03] ***LL***: lrelease
[2009/10/28 12:03] ***IW***: thank you Miss Pirate
[2009/10/28 12:03] Pirate Russell: Tomorrow, starting about NOW, "Exhibitionism and Voyeurism"
[2009/10/28 12:03] ***nS***: thank You for the Class Miss Pirate

LAZY Pirate

I have been remiss in keeping this up. I will start again pick up with 10/29 & 10/30 of 2009. I may get the back issues posted at a later date, and maybe not.

Sorry, but I am the epitome of laziness.

Ciao for now....


Pirate

Erotic Humiliation - 8/14/09

[12:10] Pirate Russell: Anyway, let's get going here.....
[12:10] Pirate Russell: OK, those that will, please turn off any radars, MystiTools, etc., to help with the Horrendous lag
[12:10] Pirate Russell: Don't wory about that or this
[12:10] Pirate Russell: Please take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[12:10] Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! As most of y'all know, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor. I have been in SL for 3 1/2 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[12:11] Pirate Russell: For any that need to leave early, all transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[12:11] Pirate Russell: .
[12:11] Pirate Russell: Erotic humiliation: The consensual use of psychological humiliation in a sexual context, whereby, at least, one person gains arousal or erotic excitement from the powerful emotions of being humiliated and demeaned, or of humiliating another;
[12:11] Pirate Russell: often (but not always) in conjunction with sexual stimulation of one or both partners in the activity. The humiliation need not be sexual in itself, as with many other sexual activities it is the feelings derived from it which are sought,
[12:11] Pirate Russell: regardless of the nature of the actual activity.
[12:12] Pirate Russell: Consider that the desire to be beneath the other partner during intercourse,the idea of "getting caught" such as with having sex in the garden or woods, or mild rape fantasies (where the person imagines themselves to be forced in a way they would like,
[12:12] Pirate Russell: and which must be seen as completely different to any real form of rape), are mild emotional games that emphasise status, vulnerability and control.
[12:12] Pirate Russell: However, for most people such ideas remain a fantasy and they would have strong reservations about it being made public, or engaged in with a partner for real, however erotic the idea may be.
[12:12] Pirate Russell: If a person does reveal their fetish to their partners, this usually is a result of a huge amount of trust invested in them, due to the similarly huge psychological struggle they would have had to have gone through to tell them.
[12:13] Pirate Russell: Actually goes for anything this personal, not just a fetish or THIS fetish
[12:13] Pirate Russell: Many people have the worry of being ridiculed for their fetish, and such ridicule from their partners could be psychologically catastrophic.
[12:13] Pirate Russell: Therefore, many people use online humiliation (where the humiliator and others are involved via the internet using chat, websites, SL, etc.) as a compromise between exhibitionism and reality on the one hand, and safety and anonymity on the other.
[12:14] Pirate Russell: Humiliation can be verbal or physical, and can be relatively private or public.
[12:14] Pirate Russell: Often it can become ritualized, and unlike some sexual variations it can also be easily carried out over a long distance or online.
[12:14] Pirate Russell: The distinction between humiliation and dominance in an activity such as erotic spanking is that the sought-after effect is primarily the humiliation; the activity is just a means to that end.
[12:15] Pirate Russell: While mild or moderate humiliation is not an uncommon part of BDSM or other sexual roleplay, humiliation play can be taken to a point where it becomes emotionally or psychologically distressing to one or the other partner.
[12:15] Pirate Russell: Erotic humiliation can become extreme enough to be considered a form of edgeplay, that some consider may best be approached with advance negotiation and use of a safeword.
[12:15] Pirate Russell: This is a highly subjective issue, and depends greatly on the participants.
[12:15] Pirate Russell: .
[12:15] Pirate Russell: ~Humiliation is not the same as dominance, as the devotee is not necessarily seeking to be ordered about.
[12:16] Pirate Russell: Humiliation comes into its own as a sexual force when the devotee seeks the humiliation over and above the means; for example, when being spanked is primarily valued because of the belittlement involved.
[12:16] ***DS***: i'm paying attention, *smiles, just been hexed by this chair
[12:16] Pirate Russell: Actually the TP didn't clear the pose at the forum
[12:16] ***DS***: ahh, thanks
[12:17] Pirate Russell: As such, it encompasses a range of paraphilia (abnormal sexual activity), in particular foot fetish or shoe fetish, body worship, spanking, bondage and most BDSM styles.
[12:18] Pirate Russell: It can be as basic as the desire to kiss and massage feet as a precursor to sex, or it can be complex, involving roleplay or public displays of subservience.
[12:18] Pirate Russell: MMmmm.... Public Displays......
[12:18] MystiTool HUD 1.3.1: Entering chat range: ***BH*** (2m)
[12:18] ***KR***: there is something very erotic about it
[12:19] Pirate Russell: ***DS***, ***KR***, this is My ***BH***
[12:19] ***KR***: hello***BH***
[12:19] Pirate Russell: Come kneel @ My feet, girl
[12:19] ***DS***: ahh
[12:19] Pirate Russell: Speaking of public displays...
[12:19] Pirate Russell: It can be for a set period of time (a "scene") or as an ongoing facet of a relationship.
[12:19] Pirate Russell: The "humiliation" is not intrinsic to the act or the object. Rather, symbiotic, a relationship beneficial to each charged, by the shared attitude of the partners engaged in the act.
[12:20] Pirate Russell: It is they who invest specific acts, objects or body-parts with a humiliating aspect.
[12:20] ***BH***: hi Mistress
[12:20] Pirate Russell: .
[12:20] ***BH***: hello Miss ***KR***
[12:20] Pirate Russell: ~ Means of Humiliation
[12:20] Pirate Russell: Sexual humiliation is very open-ended. Broadly, it can be divided into verbal and physical aspects.
[12:20] Pirate Russell: *Verbal aspects of this might include:
[12:20] Pirate Russell: ** Mockery, derision and ridicule.
[12:20] Pirate Russell: ** Verbal belittlement, such as "slave", "boy", "girl", "missy", "pet".
[12:20] Pirate Russell: ** Insults and verbal abuse, such as "fat", "ugly", "stupid", "worthless".
[12:21] Pirate Russell: ** Degrading references, such as "slut", "tart", "bitch" and "whore".
[12:21] Pirate Russell: ** Slighting of body parts or behaviors, such as disparaging or cruel references to breasts, facial appearance, genitalia or genital size, bottom, and slighting of mannerisms such as walking, responsiveness, standard of self-care.
[12:21] Pirate Russell: ** Having to ask permission for everyday activities such as going to the toilet, spending money or eating.
[12:22] Pirate Russell: ** Small breasts humiliation, where scorn is addressed over the supposed inadequacy of the adult female's breasts, or her inability to please a man (and by implication her essential worthlessness as a woman), and her breasts become objects of fun.
[12:22] Pirate Russell: ** Small penis humiliation, where scorn is addressed over the supposed inadequacy of the adult male's genitals, or his inability to please a woman (and by implication his essential worthlessness as a man), and his penis becomes an object of fun.
[12:22] Pirate Russell: ** Forced repetition, such as being obliged to repeat back commands to confirm them.
[12:22] Pirate Russell: ** Forced flattery, such as agreeing that every decision that the dominant makes is wise, correct, and justifiable, while additionally praising the dominant's physical and personality traits.
[12:22] Pirate Russell: Isn't that right, ***BH***?
[12:23] Pirate Russell: ** Reduction to Human animal roleplay or human pet, referring to these individuals as pet, dog, girl, bitch, or making them eat and drink from pet food and water bowls.
[12:23] Pirate Russell: .
[12:23] Pirate Russell: *Physical Humiliation:
[12:23] Pirate Russell: Some sexual humiliation involves inflicting pain, but much of it is far more concerned with ridicule, mocking, degradation and embarrassment.
[12:23] Pirate Russell: Physical and tangible aspects might include:
[12:24] Pirate Russell: ** Wearing of external signs of "ownership", such as a collar.
[12:24] Pirate Russell reaches down and tugs on ***BH***'s collar
[12:24] Pirate Russell: ** Forced to wear a gag and/or restraints on the body.
[12:24] Pirate Russell: ** Prohibitions or restrictions on clothing, even in public. For females a common example is being mandated to only wear revealing bikinis or lingerie. For men, this may include feminizing or cross-dressing.
[12:24] Pirate Russell: Both sexes may be expected to go completely nude, with decorative objects such as collars, bands, tiaras, or cuffs being the only exceptions.
[12:24] ***BH***: yes Mistress
[12:25] Pirate Russell pulls ***BH***'s shirt off
[12:25] ***BH*** eases a little closer releive the tug
[12:25] ***KR***: yes
[12:25] Pirate Russell: ** Having friends, family or strangers aware of or witnessing one's treatment (i.e.: public humiliation).
[12:25] Pirate Russell: Like y'all watching her shorts come down
[12:26] ***BH*** blushes
[12:26] Pirate Russell: ** Use of chastity belts or other means of erotic sexual denial.
[12:26] ***KR***: ***BH*** is branded?
[12:26] Pirate Russell: no, that's Gorean, she's tattood
[12:26] Pirate Russell: sweetie show them your tatts!
[12:26] ***KR***: same thing
[12:26] Pirate Russell: No, it's not
[12:27] ***KR***: denoted ownship, does it not
[12:27] Pirate Russell: Yes, but branding is scarring, tattoos use ink
[12:27] ***KR***: understand
[12:27] Pirate Russell: ** Suppressed freedom of movement. This may include never being able to leave the room in which the dominant is present without permission, and may be forbidden to leave the house or 'dungeon' in general for the duration of slavery or servitude.
[12:27] ***KR***: cute
[12:27] ***BH*** spins with cheeks getting redder
[12:28] Pirate Russell: ** Frequent performance of passive-aggressive sexual services for the dominant, such as erotic massage, cunnilingus, analingus, or fellatio, without expectations of reciprocal acts or intercourse.
[12:28] ***DS***: admires ***BH***'s form from his chair
[12:28] Pirate Russell: ** Specific rituals and affectations to be adopted. This includes displays of subservience, such as, walking a pace behind the dominant, only speaking when spoken to, kneeling or prostrating in front of the dominant when expecting orders,
[12:28] Pirate Russell: eating only after others or on the floor, low status place to sleep, and a wide variety of body worship activities such as kissing and/or licking the dominant's feet, boots, buttocks, anus, vulva etc. to express acknowledgment, subservience, shame, or eve
[12:28] Pirate Russell: ** Spanking, whipping, restraint or other BDSM activities such as cock and ball torture (CBT).
[12:29] Pirate Russell: ** Performance of menial tasks or abusive workload, such as cleaning the floors with a toothbrush.
[12:29] Pirate Russell: ** Detailed punishments for a variety of 'infractions' or misbehavior, such as having to stand in a corner facing a wall for several hours, flogging or whipping, reduced rations, or forced exercise.
[12:29] Pirate Russell: ** Roleplaying "lower status" beings, such as animals (for example dog or horse) or babies (see human animal roleplay, pup-play and adult baby play).
[12:29] Pirate Russell: That would be an EVEN LOWER status!
[12:29] Pirate Russell: ** Ejaculating, farting, defecating, spitting, slapping or urinating on the bottom's body, especially the face.
[12:30] Pirate Russell: ** Erotic objectification, where the bottom is cast in the role of an object, such as a footstool.
[12:30] Pirate Russell: ** Cuckoldry, taking on a third party lover to humiliate the bottom as an expression of the relationship between the top and the bottom.
[12:30] Pirate Russell: ** Having to ask permission to orgasm during sex or masturbation.
[12:30] Pirate Russell: The list is virtually endless, it all depends on what the bottom DOESN'T LIKE!
[12:31] Pirate Russell: Sexual roleplaying may or may not involve humiliation. For example, one person might play the part of a dog because they enjoy being mock-forced into it, and the top will emphasize the lowness of the bottom's status as an animal.
[12:31] Pirate Russell: Whereas another person might play the role of the dog without any element of humiliation, simply as an expression of their inner animal or playful spirit.
[12:31] Pirate Russell: .
[12:31] Pirate Russell: ~ Psychology of Humiliation
[12:31] Pirate Russell: Humiliation in general touches strong emotional buttons, the more so when it becomes sexualized.
[12:31] Pirate Russell grabs ***BH***'s hair and turns her towards the students
[12:32] Pirate Russell: Because of this, consent and (paradoxically) a high degree of awareness and communication is needed to ensure that the result is desirable, rather than abusive.
[12:32] Pirate Russell: For example, a submissive may enjoy being insulted in some ways, but be genuinely crushed and devastated if humiliated or insulted in other ways.
[12:32] ***BH*** whimpers and follows the tug
[12:32] Pirate Russell: Humiliation play is also connected to sexual fetishism, in that non-sexual activities may become sexualized by association with arousal,
[12:32] Pirate Russell: and also may be associated with exhibitionism in the sense of wanting others to witness (or being aroused by others witnessing) one's sexual degradation.
[12:33] Pirate Russell: For some people, activities such as name-calling are a way of achieving ego reduction or getting over sexual inhibitions.
[12:33] Pirate Russell: isn't that right, slut?
[12:33] Pirate Russell giggles
[12:33] Pirate Russell: For example, between gay people, terms usually associated with homophobia may be used, such as "faggot" or "lesbo."
[12:33] Pirate Russell: As with all sexual activities, some people have sexual fantasies about humiliation, and others actually undertake it as a lifestyle or in a scene.
[12:33] Pirate Russell: Sexual fantasies relating to mild humiliation are not uncommon.
[12:34] ***BH*** blushes and nods
[12:34] Pirate Russell: Some humiliation roleplay (pup-play and age play in particular) is combined with loyalty and care-giving to the extent that these fetishes can be seen as exercises in trust rather than primarily a humiliation fetish.
[12:34] Pirate Russell: .
[12:34] Pirate Russell: ~ Online Humiliation - Why W/we're here!
[12:34] Pirate Russell: Online humiliation is the desire to be seen in a sexually embarrassing context via the internet. This practice allows the submissive to seek fetish partners from across the world.
[12:34] Pirate Russell: * Common methods of online humiliation include:
[12:34] Pirate Russell: ** Public pillory
[12:34] Pirate Russell: ** Embarrassing photographic or video assignments for submissives
[12:34] Pirate Russell: ** The requirement for submissives to keep online journals, detailing personal information such as masturbation frequency and details
[12:35] Pirate Russell: ** Verbal abuse
[12:35] Pirate Russell: ** Publicly bidding for items that reveal their fetishes
[12:35] Pirate Russell: ** Forcing them to go, or taking them to places where nudity isn't the norm
[12:35] ***KR***: this is all so true
[12:35] Pirate Russell: Is girl naked today, IRL?
[12:35] Pirate Russell: ** Forcing them to service others in public or private.
[12:35] Pirate Russell: ** Leaving them bound in public places, dressed or not.
[12:35] Pirate Russell: Again, the list is endless, it all depends upon what your submissive finds humiliating, embarassing, or degrading.
[12:36] Pirate Russell: All transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[12:36] Pirate Russell: College of Kink classes Monday 7a, Tuesday & Friday 12:00pm
[12:36] Pirate Russell: Y/you could always check the Search/Events and look for College
[12:36] Pirate Russell: Questions? Comments??
[12:36] ***KR***: Ican not beleive how you have hit upon so much, that seems so true
[12:37] ***DS***: it seems to me like you've covered it all, but i do have a couple questions:
[12:37] Pirate Russell: Knows good crap on the Internet, when I steal it
[12:37] Pirate Russell: go ahead ***DS***!
[12:37] ***DS***: 1 - i believe in trying to look as real as possible
[12:38] ***DS***: i know of slave chores on xstreet, but is there a good brutilizer
[12:38] ***DS***: ??
[12:38] Pirate Russell: Brutalizer?
[12:39] ***DS***: a good face slapper, or degradation HUD
[12:39] Pirate Russell: Ahh, that I don't know
[12:39] Pirate Russell: I have this chair
[12:39] ***DS***: ok, 2nd question
[12:39] MadScience Durance Captive Chair v1.0: CISS: This device needs to briefly test its animations: please grant permission for it to animate your avatar.
[12:39] ***BH*** whimpers'
[12:40] ***DS***: where in HOV is a good place for public humiliation?
[12:40] Pirate Russell: Dance floor.
[12:40] Pirate Russell: Front door
[12:40] ***DS***: thanks that what i figured
[12:40] Pirate Russell: ANYplace where there's lots of people. BUT....
[12:40] ***DS***: yes?
[12:40] Pirate Russell: Lots of people = Lots of LAG!
[12:41] ***DS***: yes of course
[12:41] Pirate Russell snaps some cuffs on ***BH***'s wrists
[12:42] Pirate Russell: Have a seat in the wood chair ***BH***
[12:42] ***BH***: yes Mistress
[12:43] ***DS*** takes note of madscience laboratories
[12:43] Pirate Russell locks thecuffs behind her
[12:43] ***BH***'s cuff (r forearm) whispers: ***BH***'s ***BH***'s cuff (r forearm) has been locked by Pirate Russell (Type Lock).
[12:43] ***BH***'s cuff(r lower leg) whispers: Pirate Russell has taken ***BH***'s keys from her ***BH***'s cuff(r lower leg).
[12:43] Pirate's property whispers: Pirate Russell has taken ***BH***'s keys from her Pirate's property.
[12:43] ***KR***: Thank you Mistress Russell
[12:44] Pirate Russell: There's stuff I can do to her in this chair that she won't like....
[12:44] Pirate Russell can slap girl's face
[12:45] ***BH***: OWWWW
[12:45] Pirate Russell: Or her tits....
[12:45] ***BH***: please stop Mistress
[12:46] Pirate Russell: or girl's ass!
[12:46] Pirate Russell: This is just one piece of furnature, there's rpolly Millions of them out there!
[12:46] Pirate Russell: furnIture and Prolly.. too
[12:47] ***DS*** thiinks to himself, "a good item for my collection" and smiles
[12:47] Pirate Russell reaches down and rubs girl's ass
[12:48] ***BH*** moans soft and buries her face in the chair
[12:49] Pirate Russell spreads girl's cheeks, and pushes her legs apart, "And this is good for humiliation, too.... "
[12:51] Pirate Russell thinks we went a place ***KR***din't wanna go
[12:51] ***DS***: ah, dang we lost ***KR***, hmmm, oh well
[12:51] Pirate Russell: Anyway, ***DS***, that's about it... he he
[12:52] ***DS***: thank you again, and thank you ***BH*** this has been an excellent lecture and i'm glad i attended
[12:53] ***BH*** blushes and stammers" Your welcome"
[12:53] ***DS***: just a small gesture to you both for your time and efforts
[12:53] Pirate Russell: NOT necessary, but appreciated
[12:53] ***BH***: thank You
[12:54] ***DS***: i'll be seeing you around and 'till next time, i'll see if i can better hone my skills, i know but it's a small token for this vast knowledge, thanx again
[12:54] ***DS***: toodle loo,
[12:55] ***DS*** similes and waves goodbye
[12:55] Pirate Russell: Okie doke
[12:55] Pirate Russell: ciao for now

Erotic Humiliation - 8/11/09

[12:07] Pirate Russell: OK, those that will, please turn off any radars, MystiTools, etc., to help with the Horrendous lag
[12:08] Pirate Russell: Please take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[12:08] Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! As most of y'all know, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor. I have been in SL for 3 1/2 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[12:08] Pirate Russell: Hiya ***AL***, just geting started!
[12:08] Pirate Russell: For any that need to leave early, all transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[12:08] ***AL***: hello
[12:09] Pirate Russell: .
[12:09] Pirate Russell: Erotic humiliation: The consensual use of psychological humiliation in a sexual context, whereby, at least, one person gains arousal or erotic excitement from the powerful emotions of being humiliated and demeaned, or of humiliating another;
[12:09] Pirate Russell: often (but not always) in conjunction with sexual stimulation of one or both partners in the activity. The humiliation need not be sexual in itself, as with many other sexual activities it is the feelings derived from it which are sought,
[12:10] Pirate Russell: regardless of the nature of the actual activity.
[12:10] Pirate Russell: Consider that the desire to be beneath the other partner during intercourse,the idea of "getting caught" such as with having sex in the garden or woods, or mild rape fantasies (where the person imagines themselves to be forced in a way they would like,
[12:10] Pirate Russell: and which must be seen as completely different to any real form of rape), are mild emotional games that emphasise status, vulnerability and control.
[12:10] Pirate Russell: However, for most people such ideas remain a fantasy and they would have strong reservations about it being made public, or engaged in with a partner for real, however erotic the idea may be.
[12:11] Pirate Russell: If a person does reveal their fetish to their partners, this usually is a result of a huge amount of trust invested in them, due to the similarly huge psychological struggle they would have had to have gone through to tell them.
[12:11] Pirate Russell: Many people have the worry of being ridiculed for their fetish, and such ridicule from their partners could be psychologically catastrophic.
[12:11] Pirate Russell: Therefore, many people use online humiliation (where the humiliator and others are involved via the internet using chat, websites, SL, etc.) as a compromise between exhibitionism and reality on the one hand, and safety and anonymity on the other.
[12:12] Pirate Russell: Humiliation can be verbal or physical, and can be relatively private or public.
[12:12] Pirate Russell: For ***MS*** here, it's gonna be quite public!
[12:12] Pirate Russell: Often it can become ritualized, and unlike some sexual variations it can also be easily carried out over a long distance or online.
[12:12] Pirate Russell: The distinction between humiliation and dominance in an activity such as erotic spanking is that the sought-after effect is primarily the humiliation; the activity is just a means to that end.
[12:13] Pirate Russell: While mild or moderate humiliation is not an uncommon part of BDSM or other sexual roleplay, humiliation play can be taken to a point where it becomes emotionally or psychologically distressing to one or the other partner.
[12:13] Pirate Russell: Erotic humiliation can become extreme enough to be considered a form of edgeplay, that some consider may best be approached with advance negotiation and use of a safeword.
[12:13] Pirate Russell: This is a highly subjective issue, and depends greatly on the participants.
[12:14] Pirate Russell: .
[12:14] Pirate Russell: ~Humiliation is not the same as dominance, as the devotee is not necessarily seeking to be ordered about.
[12:14] Pirate Russell: Humiliation comes into its own as a sexual force when the devotee seeks the humiliation over and above the means; for example, when being spanked is primarily valued because of the belittlement involved.
[12:14] Pirate Russell reaches under ***MS***s dress and spanks her twice.
[12:15] Pirate Russell: As such, it encompasses a range of paraphilia (abnormal sexual activity), in particular foot fetish or shoe fetish, body worship, spanking, bondage and most BDSM styles.
[12:15] Pirate Russell: It can be as basic as the desire to kiss and massage feet as a precursor to sex, or it can be complex, involving roleplay or public displays of subservience.
[12:15] ***MS*** casts her eyes down, so as not to make eye contact with her friends and blushes profusely at the sudden spanking.
[12:15] Pirate Russell: It can be for a set period of time (a "scene") or as an ongoing facet of a relationship.
[12:16] Pirate Russell: The "humiliation" is not intrinsic to the act or the object. Rather, symbiotic, a relationship beneficial to each charged, by the shared attitude of the partners engaged in the act.
[12:16] Pirate Russell: It is they who invest specific acts, objects or body-parts with a humiliating aspect.
[12:16] Pirate Russell pulls up the front of ***MS***'s skirt, "Like this body part!", then lets the skirt fall back
[12:17] Pirate Russell: .
[12:17] Pirate Russell: ~ Means of Humiliation
[12:17] ***MS*** cries out at the sudden exposer, turning yet a deeper shade of red......
[12:17] Pirate Russell: Sexual humiliation is very open-ended. Broadly, it can be divided into verbal and physical aspects.
[12:17] Pirate Russell: *Verbal aspects of this might include:
[12:17] Pirate Russell: ** Mockery, derision and ridicule.
[12:18] Pirate Russell: ** Verbal belittlement, such as "slave", "boy", "girl", "missy", "pet".
[12:18] Pirate Russell looks over at girl
[12:18] Pirate Russell: ** Insults and verbal abuse, such as "fat", "ugly", "stupid", "worthless".
[12:18] Pirate Russell: ** Degrading references, such as "slut", "tart", "bitch" and "whore".
[12:19] Pirate Russell: ** Slighting of body parts or behaviors, such as disparaging or cruel references to breasts, facial appearance, genitalia or genital size, bottom, and slighting of mannerisms such as walking, responsiveness, standard of self-care.
[12:19] Pirate Russell: ** Having to ask permission for everyday activities such as going to the toilet, spending money or eating.
[12:19] Pirate Russell: ** Small breasts humiliation, where scorn is addressed over the supposed inadequacy of the adult female's breasts, or her inability to please a man (and by implication her essential worthlessness as a woman), and her breasts become objects of fun.
[12:20] Pirate Russell looks over at girl, "Nope, no small breast humiliation here! he he
[12:20] Pirate Russell: ** Small penis humiliation, where scorn is addressed over the supposed inadequacy of the adult male's genitals, or his inability to please a woman (and by implication his essential worthlessness as a man), and his penis becomes an object of fun.
[12:21] Pirate Russell pulls up the skirt again, "Nope, no small penis humiliation, either!"
[12:21] ***LT***: bad when get a birthday cake your old and have a small penis
[12:21] Pirate Russell: ** Forced repetition, such as being obliged to repeat back commands to confirm them.
[12:21] ***MS*** is glad she doesn't have a small penise she didn't know about.
[12:22] Pirate Russell lets the skirt back down again
[12:22] Pirate Russell: ** Forced flattery, such as agreeing that every decision that the dominant makes is wise, correct, and justifiable, while additionally praising the dominant's physical and personality traits.
[12:22] Pirate Russell: ** Reduction to Human animal roleplay or human pet, referring to these individuals as pet, dog, girl, bitch, or making them eat and drink from pet food and water bowls.
[12:22] Pirate Russell: or cows?!
[12:22] ***ES*** moos!
[12:22] ***LT***: ears perk up
[12:23] ***CT*** moos!
[12:23] Pirate Russell: .
[12:23] Pirate Russell: *Physical Humiliation:
[12:23] Pirate Russell: Some sexual humiliation involves inflicting pain, but much of it is far more concerned with ridicule, mocking, degradation and embarrassment.
[12:23] ***LT***: only when she is hooked to the milk machine
[12:23] ***AL***: ***ES*** your not a cow
[12:23] ***ES*** moos!
[12:23] Pirate Russell: ((Cross talk to IM, please!))
[12:23] Pirate Russell: Physical and tangible aspects might include:
[12:23] Pirate Russell: ** Wearing of external signs of "ownership", such as a collar.
[12:24] Pirate Russell: ** Forced to wear a gag and/or restraints on the body.
[12:24] Pirate Russell: ** Prohibitions or restrictions on clothing, even in public. For females a common example is being mandated to only wear revealing bikinis or lingerie. For men, this may include feminizing or cross-dressing.
[12:24] Pirate Russell pulls ***MS***s dress over her head dropping it to the floor
[12:24] Pirate Russell: Both sexes may be expected to go completely nude, with decorative objects such as collars, bands, tiaras, or cuffs being the only exceptions.
[12:25] Pirate Russell: ** Having friends, family or strangers aware of or witnessing one's treatment (i.e.: public humiliation).
[12:26] Pirate Russell looks at the friends that ***MS*** wouldn't look at earlier
[12:26] Pirate Russell: ** Use of chastity belts or other means of erotic sexual denial.
[12:26] Pirate Russell: ** Suppressed freedom of movement. This may include never being able to leave the room in which the dominant is present without permission, and may be forbidden to leave the house or 'dungeon' in general for the duration of slavery or servitude.
[12:26] ***SB***t: ^^ perks up at chastity belt
[12:26] Pirate Russell: ** Frequent performance of passive-aggressive sexual services for the dominant, such as erotic massage, cunnilingus, analingus, or fellatio, without expectations of reciprocal acts or intercourse.
[12:27] Pirate Russell: ** Specific rituals and affectations to be adopted. This includes displays of subservience, such as, walking a pace behind the dominant, only speaking when spoken to, kneeling or prostrating in front of the dominant when expecting orders,
[12:27] ***MS*** struggles to keep her hands at her side, feeling utterly exposed.
[12:28] Pirate Russell: eating only after others or on the floor, low status place to sleep, and a wide variety of body worship activities such as kissing and/or licking the dominant's feet, boots, buttocks, anus, vulva etc. to express acknowledgment, subservience, shame, or eve
[12:28] Pirate Russell: ** Spanking, whipping, restraint or other BDSM activities such as cock and ball torture (CBT).
[12:29] Pirate Russell: ** Performance of menial tasks or abusive workload, such as cleaning the floors with a toothbrush.
[12:29] Pirate Russell picks up the dress, keeping it from girl, "That will be all ***MS***."
[12:29] Pirate Russell: girl may sit
[12:29] ***MS*** sighs. Thank you.
[12:29] Pirate Russell: ** Detailed punishments for a variety of 'infractions' or misbehavior, such as having to stand in a corner facing a wall for several hours, flogging or whipping, reduced rations, or forced exercise.
[12:30] Pirate Russell: ** Roleplaying "lower status" beings, such as animals (for example dog or horse) or babies (see human animal roleplay, pup-play and adult baby play).
[12:30] Pirate Russell: Or Cow-play
[12:30] Pirate Russell: ** Ejaculating, farting, defecating, spitting, slapping or urinating on the bottom's body, especially the face.
[12:30] Pirate Russell: ** Erotic objectification, where the bottom is cast in the role of an object, such as a footstool.
[12:31] Pirate Russell: ** Cuckoldry, taking on a third party lover to humiliate the bottom as an expression of the relationship between the top and the bottom.
[12:31] Pirate Russell: ** Having to ask permission to orgasm during sex or masturbation.
[12:31] Pirate Russell: The list is virtually endless, it all depends on what the bottom DOESN'T LIKE!
[12:32] Pirate Russell: Sexual roleplaying may or may not involve humiliation. For example, one person might play the part of a dog because they enjoy being mock-forced into it, and the top will emphasize the lowness of the bottom's status as an animal.
[12:32] Pirate Russell: Whereas another person might play the role of the dog without any element of humiliation, simply as an expression of their inner animal or playful spirit.
[12:33] Pirate Russell: .
[12:33] Pirate Russell: ~ Psychology of Humiliation
[12:33] Pirate Russell: Humiliation in general touches strong emotional buttons, the more so when it becomes sexualized.
[12:33] Pirate Russell: Because of this, consent and (paradoxically) a high degree of awareness and communication is needed to ensure that the result is desirable, rather than abusive.
[12:33] Pirate Russell: For example, a submissive may enjoy being insulted in some ways, but be genuinely crushed and devastated if humiliated or insulted in other ways.
[12:34] Pirate Russell: Humiliation play is also connected to sexual fetishism, in that non-sexual activities may become sexualized by association with arousal,
[12:34] Pirate Russell: and also may be associated with exhibitionism in the sense of wanting others to witness (or being aroused by others witnessing) one's sexual degradation.
[12:34] Pirate Russell: For some people, activities such as name-calling are a way of achieving ego reduction or getting over sexual inhibitions.
[12:35] Pirate Russell: For example, between gay people, terms usually associated with homophobia may be used, such as "faggot" or "lesbo."
[12:35] Pirate Russell: As with all sexual activities, some people have sexual fantasies about humiliation, and others actually undertake it as a lifestyle or in a scene.
[12:35] Pirate Russell: Sexual fantasies relating to mild humiliation are not uncommon.
[12:36] Pirate Russell: Some humiliation roleplay (pup-play and age play in particular) is combined with loyalty and care-giving to the extent that these fetishes can be seen as exercises in trust rather than primarily a humiliation fetish.
[12:36] Pirate Russell: .
[12:36] Pirate Russell: ~ Online Humiliation - Why W/we're here!
[12:36] Pirate Russell: Online humiliation is the desire to be seen in a sexually embarrassing context via the internet. This practice allows the submissive to seek fetish partners from across the world.
[12:37] Pirate Russell: * Common methods of online humiliation include:
[12:37] Pirate Russell: ** Public pillory
[12:37] Pirate Russell: ** Embarrassing photographic or video assignments for submissives
[12:37] Pirate Russell: ** The requirement for submissives to keep online journals, detailing personal information such as masturbation frequency and details
[12:38] Pirate Russell: ** Verbal abuse
[12:38] Pirate Russell: ** Publicly bidding for items that reveal their fetishes
[12:38] Pirate Russell: ** Forcing them to go, or taking them to places where nudity isn't the norm
[12:38] Pirate Russell: ** Forcing them to service others in public or private.
[12:38] Pirate Russell: ** Leaving them bound in public places, dressed or not.
[12:38] Pirate Russell: Again, the list is endless, it all depends upon what your submissive finds humiliating, embarassing, or degrading.
[12:39] Pirate Russell: All transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[12:39] Pirate Russell: College of Kink classes Monday 7a, Tuesday & Friday 12:00pm
[12:39] Pirate Russell: Y/you could always check the Search/Events and look for College
[12:39] Pirate Russell: Questions? Comments??
[12:39] Pirate Russell: SpeakEasy HUD detaching...
[12:40] Pirate Russell: Nothing, huh?
[12:42] Pirate Russell: Going once.......
[12:42] Pirate Russell: .............................Going twice............
[12:42] Pirate Russell: .........................................................Gone!
[12:42] Pirate Russell: Class dismissed
[12:43] ***SB***t: thanks Pirate
[12:43] ***ES*** moos!
[12:43] ***MS***: Thank you.
[12:43] Pirate Russell: NOW ya got comments! :sighs
[12:43] ***SB***t claps hands together and looks around for some mischief to get into
[12:43] Pirate Russell: ***AL***, stay behind please
[12:43] Pirate Russell tosses the dress to ***MS***
[12:43] ***MS***: Thank you for my dress.
[12:43] ***SB***t: Uh oh ***AL*** is in Ttttttttrouble.
[12:43] Pirate Russell: Sure
[12:44] ***LT***: interesting subject thanks for class pirate
[12:44] ***AL***: hehe
[12:44] ***AL***: i am so not
[12:44] ***ES***: ***AL*** is trouble.
[12:44] ***AL***: hush ***ES***
[12:44] ***AL***: i am only a good girl always
[12:44] ***AL***: mostly
[12:44] Pirate Russell: Not interesting enough for any discussion, though.
[12:44] ***SB***t snaps gum and thinks, I wonder what Principal Pirates office looks like
[12:45] ***ES*** is the only innocent one in the whole bunch.
[12:45] Pirate Russell: Oh, well. Guess that's My fault

The Collar: History and Symbolism 8/10/09

[07:02] Zealot Benmergui: OK, we will give latecomers a few minutes, then after that, we go up and pillage their villages and steal their women
[07:02] ***SW***: Remember it's pillage THEN burn
[07:02] ***vP***: lol
[07:03] Zealot Benmergui writes that on a post it note
[07:04] ***MS*** giggles. So we shoot now, ask ***pQ***ons later?
[07:05] Zealot Benmergui: Absolutely
[07:06] Zealot Benmergui: OK, if everyone could find seats, or the closest equivilant, we can get started in a moment
[07:08] Zealot Benmergui: OK, lets go ahead and get started...lots to cover, ann then we have group sex afterwards
[07:08] Zealot Benmergui: Welcome A/all to the House of V’s College of Kink. My name is Zealot Benmergui, Baron BardHaven and I will be your host today. Some of you may know me from lecturing here at House of V and other locations around the grid. Others of you may know me from my recent book tour, autographing copies of my most recent autobiography, “The DaVinci Cock – The harrowing almost-true life story of an undercover transvestite metrosexual sodomite in Vatican City and the Pope who loved him.”
[07:10] Zealot Benmergui: The topic for today is The Collar: History and Symbolism and we will be looking a little bit at the tradition of collaring, what it means and what it doesn’t mean in a D/s relationship. Please note that for the purpose of clarity, I will tend to use “she” to refer to a submissive and “he” to refer to a Dominant, but either can be of any gender. Your humble lecturer WILL accept tips, but they must be paid to me directly, if you are so inclined, thank you.
[07:11] Zealot Benmergui: Historically, collars have been used to denote slavery in its myriad forms since before the age of Rome, and in fact many museums from around the world have excellent examples of them on display…unscripted of course, and few if any have things like Lord MongrelCock’s Naughty Little Taxbreak inscribed on them. The term Collar was originally Latin, Collare, which became ***CF***r in Middle English in the 14th Century.
[07:11] Zealot Benmergui: A later related term, Coffle, was coined in the 1700s for a series of Collars connected in a chain. Not to be confused of course with a Quaffle Coffle, which is a series of six Hogwort’s students being fucking on broomsticks.
[07:12] Zealot Benmergui: Or fucked BY broomsticks, Rowling was never clear and anyway, she was distracted trying to find her panties
[07:12] ***pQ*** giggles at the sudden visual
[07:13] Zealot Benmergui: In reality Coffles and the Collars we have discussed thus far were all used by the formal slave trade, which usually involved brutal labor and rapid death…and not many sets of silks or orgasms. However, there IS a historical precedence for the collar as a symbol of a person being owned sexually or controlled by another, just as there is historical precedence for certain subs being Slut Toys.
[07:13] Zealot Benmergui: The collar, in the context most of you likely see it in, as a neckpiece of leather, metal or both designed to be used both as a restraint and a symbol of slavery or submission, actually comes down to us mainly from literature and entertainment, especially the large metal forms covered in D rings.
[07:14] Zealot Benmergui: or other spikey bits
[07:14] Zealot Benmergui: For one thing, in historic practice large metal collars tended to be unworkable for daily use (except in transport) for most real slaves as they tended to get in the way and cause potentially fatal neck ulcerations, despite what we may see in old Steve Reeves movies. Same with all that baby oil. Just didn’t happen much on the road from Kush to Ninevah. If you expect the collar to flat out kill your sub, you are one tough assed Dominant indeed.
[07:15] Zealot Benmergui: The first solid source of modern collar imagery comes from what I feel is the Ur-text of modern D/s (ignore the awful movie version), Histoire d'O or The Story of O, written by Dominique Aury
[07:15] Zealot Benmergui: aka Pauline Réage
[07:16] Zealot Benmergui: aka Anne Desclos.
[07:16] Zealot Benmergui: Apparently to write smut in the 50s, you needed LOTS of names. It was published in French in 1955, and the author was brought up on obscenity charges, which were eventually dismissed. It was critically acclaimed in France, much like Jerry Lewis, but not published in English until 1965.
[07:17] ***SS***: Z, I brought a friend, ***CF***
[07:17] Zealot Benmergui: Fortunetly however, it was availkable int he french version in England, so school boys were able to improve there french verbs while jerking off.
[07:17] ***CF*** chuckles
[07:18] ***SS***: Wow, I missed a lot
[07:18] Zealot Benmergui: Welcome...have a seat...we just got to the schoolboys jerking off point....so you're in luck
[07:18] ***CF***: lol
[07:18] ***vP***: loool
[07:18] ***SS***: woopsie
[07:18] Zealot Benmergui: I won’t go into the plot here, and if you haven’t read it you should or watch the cartoon version every Saturday morning on ABC this season…but it brought the concept of sexual domination into the modern consciousness. That book made the collar, and BDSM in general, an established “kink”, both in porn and popular understanding. It was now something bad girls did. Classy, arty bad girls. The best kind.
[07:19] Zealot Benmergui: In no small part we owe modern BDSM and D/s to The Story of O...both the best and most beautiful parts and the somewhat brutal silly parts as well.
[07:19] ***XF***: i have read that good book
[07:19] Zealot Benmergui: Beyond The Story of O, modern collars also owe major debts to Norman’s Gor books, begun in the 1960s, and the gay leather movement of the 70s which was looking for a dramatic, visceral symbol of the master/slave dynamic. Both were major parts of promoting collars as a modern day sex toy and also made them infamous in mainstream culture, porn and in junior high school bathrooms worldwide.
[07:20] Zealot Benmergui: Sources like that connected to what both we in the lifestyle and the mainstream envision when we discuss a BDSM collar, but not really to what they mean in modern D/s relationships. D/s as a lifestyle is far more diverse now then was ever imagined in Gor or Roissey and encompasses lots of different personalities, goals and fetishes. Of course, there are people who are involved in Gorean relationships or strict power exchange as was part of Story of O, but the majority of people are involved in Chinese Menu style D/s…one from Column A, two from Column B. Therefore, the meaning and significance of collars can vary.
[07:21] Zealot Benmergui: Not to mention LOTS of Fortune Cookies
[07:22] ***SS***: but in O, it was her will to please Rene, and then Stephen more than it was her choice to give herself to one, or many in her case
[07:22] Zealot Benmergui: To people who are just involved in BDSM as a sexual kink, likely amongst many kinks they enjoy, a collar is just a toy used to hold someone in place. To someone involved in Domination and submission, a collar is a symbol of commitment or a statement of being part of the D/s lifestyle, to a Mistress and slave, it is ownership…for some, it is all three or any combination thereof...or like, just a really bitchin’ choker.
[07:22] Zealot Benmergui: Nods...things have developed since O...but the basic language that we use tends to derive from O
[07:22] ***PM*** chuckles at the analogy
[07:23] ***SS***: and it was a ring for her once the "initiation was completed, and of course the brand"
[07:23] Zealot Benmergui: nods....both of which have been mainly lost....some people do use rings in rl, a few even brands
[07:24] ***SS***: isn't that what a wedding band is?
[07:24] ***SS*** giggles
[07:24] Zealot Benmergui: but the Collar has become the cominant symbol..mainly because it is more unusal and sexy...and doesn;t involve burning flesh
[07:24] ***CF***: lol
[07:24] Zealot Benmergui: *domiant
[07:24] Zealot Benmergui: *dominant
[07:24] ***pQ*** is all for avoiding burning flesh
[07:24] Zealot Benmergui: there, damn it
[07:24] ***XF***: no thats the tird ring of marriage - suffering lmao
[07:24] ***vP***: lol
[07:24] ***PM*** rubs Phe's thigh and grins
[07:24] Zealot Benmergui: and we will get to weeding rings in a minute, darling ***SS***
[07:24] ***SS***: they also use the alternative of Tattooing now
[07:25] ***vP***: ouch
[07:25] ***pQ*** considers needles and thinks maybe burning won't be so bad
[07:25] Zealot Benmergui: wedding..sorry folds, these are loaner hands, my own were hacked off by rabid weasals last night at a basketball game
[07:25] ***CF***: lol
[07:26] ***CF***: When will the government do something about the rabid weasel menace?
[07:26] Zealot Benmergui: Tattoos are also tricky, since what do you do if the relationship goes bad, or you marry someone later on who doesn;t nessacerily want your thigh to say LordNoxious' Fucktoy
[07:26] ***SS*** giggles
[07:26] Zealot Benmergui: or what if you become a nun?
[07:26] ***XF*** whispers: long pants???
[07:26] ***vP***: ahahahaa
[07:26] ***pQ***: whiteout?
[07:26] Zealot Benmergui: most convents actually require sisters to be in the nude once the doors are closed
[07:26] ***SS***: then you are enslaved to god, and the house of religion all the priests that aren't gay
[07:27] ***SS***: did I say that out loud?
[07:27] ***XF***: what????
[07:27] Zealot Benmergui: so you change the tattoo to read Jesus' Fucktoy?
[07:27] ***XF***: lmfaoi
[07:27] ***SS***: ooo mhmm
[07:27] ***vP***: is a catholic believes what Popes says...
[07:27] Zealot Benmergui: last thing I heard a Pope say was "No teeth, just lips, ya punta"
[07:28] ***vP***: right:P
[07:28] ***SS*** chuckles
[07:28] Zealot Benmergui: anyway, now that I have valiated my ticket to hell again, going on
[07:28] ***vP***: i ll use lips next time i promise:P
[07:28] ***XF***: omg
[07:28] ***XF***: lmfao roflmfao
[07:28] ***SS***: if I may Z
[07:28] Zealot Benmergui: please Seera dear
[07:28] Zealot Benmergui holds out his ticket
[07:29] ***SS***: the symbolisim, of a D/s relationship, is what the two put into it, what they believe it to be, some insist on a collar, ring, or brand... tattoo...
[07:29] ***XF***: well atleast it was just a ticket
[07:29] Zealot Benmergui: nods....exactly, which we will be coming to
[07:29] ***vP***: give her your ticket:P
[07:30] Zealot Benmergui: In Second Life and through the online BDSM community the Collar tends to take on even greater significance. With the lack of direct physical contact, and often limited time, symbols such as collars can become a vital lifeline and connection between Dominant and submissive. They can become a reminder of an often tenuous and hard to define relationship. In addition, certain collars may have certain roles.
[07:30] ***XF***: ticket for the spot he is in i think he was trying to be polite
[07:31] ***SS***: others it's the inner devotion of what they believe, most of the realism of the commitment is with the women, and how they feel... personally, I believe in devotion, honor, and dedication towards him....no ring, brand, collar, or anything else will bring that to anyone
[07:31] ***vP***: raises her hand...
[07:31] Zealot Benmergui: Polite, since when...I thought she could validate it for me...kerPUNCH
[07:31] Zealot Benmergui: Yes ***vP***dear
[07:31] ***vP***: about collars... isnt it a way to tell to other... stay away this one belongs to me?
[07:31] Zealot Benmergui: Some use it that way, certainly
[07:32] ***vP***: this is what i saw from most of Masters in here
[07:32] ***SS***: do collars always look, like they do here?
[07:32] ***XF***: no there a tad more realistic i rl
[07:32] ***SS***: some subs, slaves are not "retricted" not even in real
[07:32] Zealot Benmergui: Some women also wear dummy collars to dissuade trolls, Doms who climb into their IM box with "KNEEL SLUT FOR I AM MORGOTH THE UNSHRIVEN AND I WANT SOME POONTANG
[07:32] ***SS***: See that is another thing
[07:32] ***vP***: ouch
[07:33] ***CF***: I think it's more effective to have the sub's heart tell the others to stay away. ;)
[07:33] ***vP***: so fuckin right
[07:33] ***SS***: I had someone speak to me, wnating something
[07:33] ***SS***: it is my right, and will, to say yes or no
[07:33] ***XF***: omfg
[07:33] ***SS***: so I said no
[07:33] ***SS***: cause I can
[07:33] ***SS***: so many think, a collar means weakness
[07:34] ***CF***: Takes a lot of inner strength to kneel, it should be respected.
[07:34] ***SS***: it means a woman is "allowing" herself to be what she wants to be, the level of comfort, she desires"
[07:34] ***PM***: If it is a true Master with a true connection the sub will want to kneel and obey, otherwise it is only words
[07:34] ***vP***: agrees
[07:34] ***XF***: so wh ya collar???
[07:34] ***SS***: Pakur... does that also mean you are always called Master?
[07:34] Zealot Benmergui: smiles
[07:35] ***PM***: when I rp in Gor yes
[07:35] ***SS***: or Sir from every slave?
[07:35] ***SS***: Gor, "spits"
[07:35] ***PM***: otherwise it depends
[07:35] ***PM***: you don't have to agree with me my dear
[07:35] ***vP***: someone yeled on me cause i didnt call him Sir at HoV...
[07:35] ***SS***: I don't
[07:35] ***SS*** smiles
[07:35] ***PM***: but you are being rather rude
[07:35] Zealot Benmergui: OK, lets slow down for a second..all of this is excellent, but lets get through some more points first
[07:35] Zealot Benmergui: especially before we all start spitting
[07:35] ***vP***: lol
[07:35] ***SS***: I did already, sorry Z
[07:36] Zealot Benmergui: s'ok...you looked good doing it
[07:36] Zealot Benmergui: going on...
[07:36] Zealot Benmergui: There are such things as Collars of Consideration which some people use when thinking if a relationship suits both parties, or a Collar of Training for a learning situation. There is also a Collar of Protection, which some subs use mainly to hold off other Dominants offering them collars, or banging them on the head with virtual clubs and forcing them on them if they are in a bad Gorean RP. Finally, a Formal Collar is usually considered to be a permanent expression of submission or slavery.
[07:36] Zealot Benmergui: As ***SS*** rightly noted, Collars are not required equipment. Many D/s relations do not involve a public collar at all, depending on mutual agreement and acceptance of the Dom/sub relationship without requiring such public statements. Each relationship varies, but the Collar is almost always a major symbol, for better or worse.
[07:37] Zealot Benmergui: To all who wear one, or give one, a collar is a potent and powerful symbol of possession, or commitment, or pleasure…or even of personal preference or style. In the end, that symbol can be anything, not just a neck piece. Collars tend to be easiest however since they are more or less accepted as the de facto BDSM relationship symbol, like a kinky wedding ring. Some people opt also to use a real world counterpart for the Sl collar, be it an actual collar or another piece of jewelry.
[07:38] Zealot Benmergui: Therefore, the nature of a collar is highly individual, changing depending on the people involved, and the nature of their relationship. There is no RIGHT or WRONG collar. What works for one person may be anathema to another and what turns one girl on may turn another off, and cause yet a third to contact the FBI. However, I have a few thoughts on what characteristics make for a successful collaring, and which to avoid.
[07:40] Zealot Benmergui: First of all, a Collar (or the agreement behind one) should be a serious step in a relationship, whatever the relationship. It should be given only after a great deal of contemplation and thought and much discussion. ..and never until things are quite certain and well understood. When a formal collar is offered and accepted, there should be no surprises or secrets if possible…it is the end of one phase of a relationship and the beginning of a new one. We have all seen the chaos caused by collars given too casually, and then removed too easily. Such behavior undermines the entire structure of D/s in that it cheapens something which many hold to be sacred. The term Velcro Collar is now generally accepted, and hated in D/s like Brussels sprouts at the day care center. Think of such a collar as getting married three times, in a week.
[07:40] Zealot Benmergui: To the same person.
[07:41] Zealot Benmergui: Secondly, a collar should not be given quickly. I know we are all brought up on the concept of whirlwind courtships and getting swept off our feet…but in practical terms getting swept off your feet means you are about to fall down the stairs. Falling hard for someone is a great excuse to spend the weekend lashed to the couch getting your brains fucked out…not a good reason to accept a collar.
[07:42] Zealot Benmergui: Again, think of a collar like a wedding ring, and remember what we are taught by television about accepting sudden proposals in a wave of excitement. You will soon either be an alibi, or a plot device after asking “Honey, what is this big blood soaked mailbag doing in the back of your boat?” or “Why no, I have never thought about bearing Satan’s child, why?”
[07:42] Zealot Benmergui: Lastly, both parties should be sure what it means to them, and what it means to the other person involved. I have seen too many couples torn apart because one expected a collar to mean something the other wouldn’t have even thought of. Symbols are great, as long as they mean the same to all involved…otherwise what is supposed to give unity and security will just sow confusion and pain, and not the GOOD kinds of confusion and pain
[07:43] Zealot Benmergui: Collars are often spoken of by submissives as their starry eyed goal, the way some people in real-life crave a white picket fence or Megan Fox covered in cocoa powder. One should never lose sight of the fact that a collar should be an expression of a mature, full relationship between a Dom and a sub, not as a replacement for the same.
[07:43] Zealot Benmergui: Now then, lets go back to some of the points that were being raised...
[07:44] Zealot Benmergui: mainly of the fact that a Collar is something that SYMBOLIZES a relationship...some people use them, some don;t
[07:44] Zealot Benmergui: I have given two collars in SL over 4 years....
[07:44] ***vP***: speachless for the first time...
[07:44] Zealot Benmergui: but have been Dominant in many relationship that had no need for such formal symbols
[07:45] Zealot Benmergui: Collars are often seen as a way to mark someone, perhaps make clear that no one else is to be with them or play with them...
[07:46] Zealot Benmergui: so Collars are more often found in Exclusive or semi-exclusive relationships...it doesn;t mean the emotions involved in other relationships are less valid, just less in need of a physical symbol
[07:46] Zealot Benmergui: And of course, collars take on different meanings depending on the community
[07:47] Zealot Benmergui: in Gor, a colar means something different then they do here at House of V, for example
[07:47] Zealot Benmergui: How many of you have actually worn a collar online?
[07:47] Zealot Benmergui: or given one
[07:48] ***pQ***: has worn three, and one of consideration, in two years
[07:48] Zealot Benmergui: What did they mean to you?
[07:49] ***CF***: It was an outward expression of an inward reality. It's a symbol - not to mention, the easiest way to get the animations in one place.
[07:49] ***pQ***: a commitment beyond the level of casual relationship ... i have worn them in and out of Gor... the meaning changes with the relationship. love, commitment, ownership, obedience... many things
[07:50] Zealot Benmergui: nods..would you say each one was different?
[07:50] ***pQ***: as individual as the people involved in the relationship
[07:50] ***pQ***: and as unique as their relationship
[07:51] ***CF*** smiles
[07:51] Zealot Benmergui: nods..exactly...Collars can mean vastly different things depoending on what we wish them to
[07:51] ***vP***: worn someones collar only for 3 days and now i have my own for personal reasons
[07:51] Zealot Benmergui: People tend to ASSUME a collar has one or two meanings..depending on their views on BDSM
[07:51] Zealot Benmergui: nods...you have one to wear when you feel that NOT being collared will make you stand ou, or put you under pressure?
[07:52] ***vP***: its more for protection and rp
[07:52] Zealot Benmergui: nods
[07:52] ***vP***: i always have it but invisible
[07:52] Zealot Benmergui: the same sort of concept...and such dummy collars are actually quite common
[07:52] ***pQ***: being an uncollared sub is very stressful... in Gor impossible, but even out of it, hard
[07:53] ***vP***: exactly
[07:53] Zealot Benmergui: Well, it opens you to the normal concept..So if you are submissive, you will fuck any body who calls you names right?
[07:53] ***vP***: i have more than 5 offers per day to be collared by someone i dont even know
[07:53] ***vP***: of course not
[07:54] ***pQ***: chuckles thinking of the last time someone took that approach
[07:54] Zealot Benmergui: People, even in the lifestyle, often assume an uncollared sub is an AVAILABLE sub
[07:54] ***vP***: nods
[07:54] Zealot Benmergui: or that they spend their nights praying for some guy in a bad hair style and chaps to come along, collar them, and then ignore them while they play WoW
[07:54] ***vP***: but as i can see... wearing a collar doesnt work at the end
[07:55] ***CF*** chuckles
[07:55] Zealot Benmergui: how so, vita?
[07:56] ***zA***: no it do not ***vP***i know some would take it off and put there on in gor
[07:56] ***vP***: theyuse to read profiles you have to wear collar write there that you have a master
[07:56] ***vP***: or they touches my collar to see who is my master
[07:56] Zealot Benmergui: you need to make a line in your minds between D/s and Gor
[07:57] ***vP***: most of the times i have to be rude or bratt or... bitch to avoid them
[07:57] Zealot Benmergui: Gor is a seperate animal and deserves it;s own attention
[07:57] Zealot Benmergui: smiles at vita...Yes, planty of people who come to D/s sims are complete asshats and very rude
[07:57] ***SW*** raising a hand to ask a ***pQ***on, showing my ignorance proudly
[07:57] Zealot Benmergui: and no collar will stop them
[07:58] ***vP***: smiles shilly
[07:58] Zealot Benmergui: not even putting in your profile that you are exclusive protpery of yoru Master who is a former professional wrestler currently working on training Bolivian hit squads to be tougher
[07:58] ***DM***: and to me those arent true doms...they have no honor or repsect
[07:59] ***vP***: laughts
[07:59] ***pQ***: predators
[07:59] Zealot Benmergui: end story
[07:59] Zealot Benmergui: they want to get laid....
[07:59] ***DM***: lol
[07:59] ***vP***: so i ll be bitch and bratt for life time
[07:59] Zealot Benmergui: and at this point, BDSM is mainstream sexuality in SL
[07:59] ***DM***: sad but true
[07:59] ***vP***: waits for Sean's ***pQ***on...
[08:00] Zealot Benmergui: No, you will have to stand up for your rights and self whther you are sub or Dom, gay or straight, partnered or free....that;s life, vita
[08:00] ***XF***: yes witing
[08:00] ***CF***: No doubt you'll be called a bitch by many a moron whose only dominant stroke is the word "Master" over his name.
[08:00] ***DM*** agrees with Sir ***CF***
[08:00] ***SW***: In SL, are collars not more ... I hesitate to use the word "dangerous", but open to abuse? Or does the wearer have SOME degree of control over them?
[08:00] Zealot Benmergui: often several masters above their name
[08:00] ***vP***: i can live with it Sir ***CF***:)
[08:00] ***DM***: or be made to ***pQ***on Your submissiveness
[08:01] Zealot Benmergui: Master Dominant Masterly Masterguy
[08:01] ***pQ***: laughs
[08:01] ***DM***: superdupermaster
[08:01] ***CF***: lmao
[08:01] ***SW***: Master of Masters
[08:01] ***XF***: where is peoples capital for the M
[08:01] ***XF***: lmao
[08:01] ***vP***: thegreatfuckermaster
[08:01] ***DM*** is a superdupersub lol
[08:01] ***CF***: Fantastic ***pQ***on, Sean
[08:02] ***vP***: and i am wonderwoman Di ahahahaha
[08:02] ***DM***: lol
[08:02] Zealot Benmergui: I have enough trouble remember to capitilize my own name, I don;t worry about any one elses
[08:02] ***DM***: :P
[08:02] ***XF***: giggles
[08:02] Zealot Benmergui: OK, this is unique to Sl Sean
[08:02] Zealot Benmergui: the concept of scripts
[08:02] ***DM*** waits for the answer to Sir Seans ***pQ***on
[08:02] Zealot Benmergui: most collars have a whole bunch of scripts running that do all sorts of things
[08:02] ***XF***: yes very intrigued??
[08:02] ***pQ***: rlv
[08:03] Zealot Benmergui: can anyone just claim control? No, not if you set it right
[08:03] Zealot Benmergui: but most collars also come with features that some people use..I find them distasteful
[08:03] ***XF***: what ?? do you mean set it right?
[08:03] ***vP***: offers a collar to Sir Sean:D
[08:03] ***DM***: pointless thing that rlv....to me anyway
[08:03] Zealot Benmergui: such as logging your subs activities or IMs or being able to know where they are at all times
[08:03] ***pQ***: very easy to be abused, using it, in the wrong hands
[08:04] Zealot Benmergui: if I need that kind of information from a spy script, then why am I with the woman to begin with?
[08:04] ***DM***: submission shouldnt have to be monitored...its a gift given freely
[08:04] ***vP***: right
[08:04] ***CF***: Spot on, Z
[08:04] ***DM*** agrees
[08:04] ***SW***: So a person wearing a collar isn't saying "Come and get me" to all around him/her?
[08:04] ***vP***: i just collared Sr Sean looool
[08:04] Zealot Benmergui: By set it right, all collars can be set to either respond to no one but the wearer, to people on a list of Woners, or to anyone who clicks it
[08:04] ***DM***: no Sir Sean
[08:04] ***MS***: /raises her hand to make a comment.
[08:04] ***vP***: nope Sir
[08:04] Zealot Benmergui: yess Miss***MS***
[08:05] ***SW***: Thank you vita
[08:05] ***vP***: a girl wears collar says dont touch me you gonna lose a hand
[08:05] ***CF***: Usually quite the opposite, Sean.
[08:05] ***MS***: Well, I know some subs like to be controlled in that way. My friend who is collared likes to feel that they are controlled. RLV helps to show that for her.
[08:05] Zealot Benmergui: though Sean, some people SEE a collar as a statement of submission, meaning they must like it when you IM them with "Give me a blowjob!"
[08:06] ***MS***: Whether it be blocking her ims, not letting her TP or what have you. It's a thrilling thing for her.
[08:06] Zealot Benmergui: nods...very true Miss***MS***...RLV stands for Restrained Life Viewer...and it is usually not about a collar
[08:06] Zealot Benmergui: but a Mars ring
[08:06] ***vP***: its up to her i guess...
[08:06] ***DM***: true ***MS***, and thats different..im not saying for everyone..im saying for some...like me...
[08:06] Zealot Benmergui: and yes, some women find that level of filtering very comforting
[08:06] ***pQ***: i like the forcesit and forcestrip features of it, because then i don't know what is coming, i can be pushed against the wall without ((get on the pink ball)) or stripped unexpectedly
[08:07] ***CF***: But notice... that's a submissive's preference, she likes to be controlled in such a way. To have that thrust on you when it's not your cup of tea would be... stressful.
[08:07] Zealot Benmergui: remember, to a great degree all of D/s is about gaining more control over your life...as odd as that sounds
[08:07] Zealot Benmergui: a normal person can;t control who tells them what to do, life does that...
[08:07] Zealot Benmergui: a sub can GIVE that ability to one person
[08:07] Zealot Benmergui: or several people...but they are not just a pawn of fate
[08:08] Zealot Benmergui: they are CHOOSING who they submit to
[08:08] ***DM*** smiles
[08:08] ***vP***: nods
[08:08] Zealot Benmergui: since face it, in life, we all submit to someone
[08:08] ***CF*** nods
[08:08] Zealot Benmergui: all that matters is who is the fucker and who is the fuckee
[08:08] ***DM***: i submit to SL and the lindens all the time lol
[08:08] ***vP***: omg Di lol
[08:08] Zealot Benmergui: don;t we all
[08:08] ***CF*** chuckles
[08:09] Zealot Benmergui: and they have yet to even tell me they love me
[08:09] ***DM***: mean arent they? lol
[08:09] Zealot Benmergui wipes a little Linden cum off his chin
[08:09] ***DM***: lmao
[08:09] ***vP***: lol
[08:09] ***pQ***: waits for the lightning bolt
[08:09] ***CF***: Aww, rolling restarts in the middle of my 1500 prim build... Give it to me, big daddy linden. :)
[08:10] ***vP***: 1500 prim?
[08:10] ***CF*** chuckles
[08:10] ***vP***: Sir ***CF*** i do accept:P
[08:10] ***CF***: At one point, yes. ;)
[08:10] Zealot Benmergui: It is essential to remember that each person's collar means something to them, something unique..and their lack of one may ALSO mean something...or it just may mean they can;t edit the fucker
[08:10] ***SW*** laughs
[08:10] ***DM***: OMG lmao
[08:10] ***DM***: yea taht it..i cant edit the fucker...yea yea thats the ticket
[08:11] ***SS***: mhmm
[08:11] ***DM*** winks at ***SS***
[08:11] ***vP***: omg its 6 o clock...
[08:11] Zealot Benmergui: My Master owns it, y'know, and he is like, gone fishing in Nebraska, so like, I can;t edit it....but yeah, I'm owned and shit...wanna fuck?"
[08:12] ***DM***: o.O
[08:12] ***vP***: i m sorry i have to go....
[08:12] ***DM***: i guess if your unrestricted
[08:12] ***SS***: lol
[08:12] ***DM***: bye vita
[08:12] Zealot Benmergui: be well ***vP***dear
[08:12] ***CF*** wipes a tear at the touching display of devotion
[08:12] ***SS***: See ya Vita
[08:12] ***CF***: Take care, Vita. :)
[08:12] ***SW***: Goodbye vita
[08:12] ***vP***: thank you all for the lovely moments i wish i could stay more
[08:12] ***SS***: The devotion goes both ways
[08:12] Zealot Benmergui: Exclusivity is also a touchy point...I have never had a woman collared to me who was exclusive
[08:12] ***CF***: Does indeed
[08:13] ***SS***: it should never bne one sided
[08:13] ***SS***: be*
[08:13] Zealot Benmergui: to me it is silly to be so in SL...it is a world designed for exploration and learning about yourself..and I am going to tie the poor woman to my hip?
[08:13] ***DM***: i personally wouldnt want to be unrestricted in that sense
[08:13] ***SS***: that destroys it
[08:13] ***SS***: unrestricted doesn't mean you have to accept everyones offer
[08:13] ***CF*** nods
[08:13] ***DM***: what i give to HIm is to Him only though
[08:13] ***AD***: eh .. anything is gonna happen here ?
[08:14] Zealot Benmergui: well remember, when most Doms say Exclusive relationship...they mean she can fuck only him, and he can fuck who he likes, he is after all, the master
[08:14] ***SS***: yes!
[08:14] ***SS***: Exactly
[08:14] ***DM***: yea thats another thing lol
[08:14] ***CF***: I don't restrict my girls, but I am so picky, I end up effectively restricting myself.
[08:14] ***SS***: lol
[08:14] ***SS***: as it should be ***CF***, just cause it is there
[08:14] ***DM*** sighs...oh well..i will remain single and thats that! lol
[08:14] ***SS***: doesn't mean you have to fuck it
[08:14] ***SS***: excuse the language
[08:14] Zealot Benmergui: not a bad thing to be, Not Miss ***DM***
[08:14] ***CF*** grins
[08:15] ***DM***: nope..its actually fun Sir!
[08:15] ***SW*** slips ***DM***my phone number...
[08:15] ***DM*** laughs
[08:15] Zealot Benmergui looks at ***SS***, blinks..andputs the raggedy Ann doll down
[08:15] ***vP***: smacks him
[08:15] ***CF***: lmao
[08:15] ***SS***: a doll?
[08:15] ***SS***: I dun want a doll
[08:15] ***SS*** winks licking her lips
[08:15] ***pQ***: spent a year and a half in a restricted collar... a year and a half of stress and suspicion, more damage than good to the relationship
[08:15] ***vP***: waves bye bye and blows kisses to all
[08:15] Zealot Benmergui kicks the somewhat cum stained ragdoll under the bleachers...
[08:16] Zealot Benmergui: doll, what doll?
[08:16] ***XF***: HKW SSWW&U vita
[08:16] ***DM***: O.O
[08:16] ***CF***: Restricted should be a two way street... and if there is no trust in the relationship, it's going to be emotionally abusive anyway.
[08:16] ***DM***: i agree Sir ***CF***
[08:16] Zealot Benmergui: nods to Miss ***pQ***....I find that usually rigid monogomy in Sl just leads to cheating, lying, and alting...by all sides
[08:16] Zealot Benmergui: collar or no collar
[08:16] ***RM***: ***pQ***...that sounds more like jealousy...how can a Master be jealous? cuz jealousy is nothing but insecurity
[08:16] ***SS***: yes, exactly ***CF***
[08:17] ***CF***: Again... "restricted" means a different thing in Gor... but when you go to Gor, you know you're in for a different world.
[08:17] Zealot Benmergui: nods..GOR is something else completely
[08:17] ***pQ***: it was... stressful, at the very least. but yes, He was very jealous
[08:17] ***SS***: there is no restriction in Gor
[08:17] ***SS***: not in the books I have read
[08:17] Zealot Benmergui: remember, trying to directly equate Gor and D/s is like trying to compare 14th century France and D& D
[08:17] ***DM***: its not impossible to find the monogamus relationhsip..some Masters i think want that *shrugs
[08:17] Zealot Benmergui: sort of similar...but not really
[08:18] ***CF*** chuckles
[08:18] ***XF***: then the Master isnt wanting to be aMaster
[08:18] ***DM***: what?
[08:18] Zealot Benmergui: Some do...but it is few and far between...and remember, look up at the club above us
[08:18] ***DM***: yes i know Sir Zealot
[08:18] Zealot Benmergui: that is House of V, likely the most successful BDSM club in SL currently, and has been for a couple years
[08:19] ***SS***: it is
[08:19] ***SS***: and with good reason
[08:19] Zealot Benmergui: it is filled with subs..whose main sport is taking the men publically claimed by OTHER subs
[08:19] ***DM*** scrunches he rnose
[08:19] Zealot Benmergui: it is the same throughout BDSM online
[08:19] Zealot Benmergui: because BDSM online is a SOCIAL creation
[08:19] Zealot Benmergui: BDSM in rl is far more about couples
[08:19] Zealot Benmergui: here, it is the club scene almost completely
[08:20] ***DM***: hmmm
[08:20] Zealot Benmergui: so there is massive poaching, and constant, massive temptation
[08:20] ***RM***: and that's not necessarily a good thing, especially for ppl who are just learning
[08:20] ***SS***: I am tempted every single day...
[08:20] Zealot Benmergui: I get 10 IMs a day from various clubs I wander through from women
[08:20] ***SW***: Are you saying then there's almost an exhibitionist aspect to clooaring - "look at this little hottie, and she's all mine not yours"?
[08:20] Zealot Benmergui: just checking to see if I am interested
[08:21] ***DM***: well if you ask me...and i know no one did, but not as a sub but as a woman alone they shouldnt be that way
[08:21] Zealot Benmergui: Absolutely
[08:21] ***SW***: *collaring* - apologies for the typo
[08:21] ***DM***: its a relfection of your charector
[08:21] ***DM***: grr i cant spell today
[08:21] Zealot Benmergui: true...but it is also assumed to be the way the social enviornment works
[08:22] Zealot Benmergui: on Facebook you freind a stranger to get to know them...here, you suck their cock...
[08:22] ***SS***: lol
[08:22] ***DM***: its like rl married men..why do women go after em? its sad
[08:22] ***SW***: I'd rather just chat
[08:22] ***DM***: LOL
[08:22] Zealot Benmergui shrugs...C'est la guerre
[08:22] ***SS***: To each thier own
[08:22] ***SS***: ya wanna suck cock, so be it
[08:22] ***DM***: lol
[08:22] ***DM***: i wanna suck cock...but not one that is taken lmaoj
[08:22] ***SS***: ya wanna take 50 collars in three months, so be it
[08:22] Zealot Benmergui: Collars are one element of the social scene, as they are one element of a D/s relationship
[08:23] ***SS***: it is all your choice
[08:23] Zealot Benmergui: exactly...there is that word again..CHOICE
[08:23] Zealot Benmergui: I can't stress that enough, every lecture, every topic..D/s is about CHOICE and CONSENT
[08:24] Zealot Benmergui: a colar is a CHOICE
[08:24] Zealot Benmergui: a lack of one is also a CHOICE
[08:24] ***SS***: I choose to enjoy, myself, others may choose something else
[08:24] Zealot Benmergui: and you consent to what it means
[08:24] Zealot Benmergui: it can;tbe imposed or forced on you...
[08:24] ***DM***: i choose lack of one for now! lol
[08:24] Zealot Benmergui: and yes, people say WELL WHAT ABOUT GOR, YOU QUEER IN A PURPLE SUIT
[08:24] ***CF***: It's important to understand what the expectations are before giving or taking a collar... then it's informed choice, rather than blind choice.
[08:25] Zealot Benmergui: in Gor it is not imposed..you CONSENT to the RP when you go to the Sim
[08:25] Zealot Benmergui: there are billiosn of signs and notecards
[08:25] Zealot Benmergui: it is still CONSENSUAL
[08:25] ***RM***: well, the biggest problem i see is not knowing the difference between D/s and rp
[08:25] Zealot Benmergui: which is always the problem
[08:25] ***SS***: in this place, Gor has lost it' beauty
[08:25] ***DM*** nods
[08:25] ***SS***: completely
[08:25] Zealot Benmergui: she is seeking love..he is seeking something to do while WoW is down
[08:25] ***DM***: lol
[08:25] ***pQ***: i never honor forced collars ooc, unless the forced aspect is previously agreed on for rp
[08:26] ***SS***: yes!
[08:26] ***RM***: lmao exactly!!
[08:26] ***CF*** chuckles
[08:26] ***SS***: don't even get me started on "forced collars"
[08:26] Zealot Benmergui: which is why I said the collar has to mean the same thing to each of you
[08:26] ***CF*** chuckles
[08:26] ***DM***: thats a new subject to me completely!
[08:27] Zealot Benmergui: forced collars are an RP convention....
[08:27] ***DM***: oh..no wonder ok
[08:27] ***SS***: it is BS
[08:27] ***SS***: in any sense of it
[08:27] Zealot Benmergui: but they aren;t forced..it's like puttingyour name in a sweepstakes...you want to be chosen, but don;t know if you will or no
[08:27] ***CF***: Well, again, if you're submissive and standing in a sim where forced collars are allowed... you need to understand that you're prey.
[08:27] ***DM***: hmmm
[08:27] ***SS***: if it is stated, so be it
[08:27] ***SS***: rules are rules
[08:27] Zealot Benmergui: people will TREAT them as real...because most people, are sadly, idiots
[08:27] ***CF*** nods
[08:28] ***CF***: lmao
[08:28] Zealot Benmergui: most decent Gor sims will state that the Collar does not apply out of the Sim
[08:28] ***DM***: i wonder why im scared to venture away from HOV lol
[08:28] ***SS***: yeah right lmao
[08:28] ***XF***: i am an idiot
[08:28] ***XF***: yep
[08:28] ***CF***: Right... It should be real for no more than your current logged on session.
[08:28] ***SS***: exactly
[08:28] Zealot Benmergui: I mean, how can the collar be a symbol of an intelligent lifestyle choice when it is understood if the Master is silent for 20 minutes, the colalr is gone and you have "escaped"
[08:29] ***DM***: dang
[08:29] Zealot Benmergui: how many marriages would survive "If your husband is silent for 20 minutes, you are divorced"
[08:29] ***pQ***: most people i know in Gor have a 3 day cap/force collar limit
[08:29] ***XF***: thats why i aint married .. sheesh .. thanks
[08:29] ***CF*** chuckles... A poaching restriction?
[08:29] ***SW***: PLaying Devil's advocate, how many wives CAN stay silent for 20 minutes... *laughing*
[08:29] Zealot Benmergui: Sean, you are a courageous man
[08:30] Zealot Benmergui: Good bye
[08:30] ***SW***: I'll get my coat
[08:30] ***MS*** snickers.
[08:30] ***CF*** chuckles
[08:30] Zealot Benmergui: run while you can
[08:30] ***CF***: Leave the coat, the claws are already out
[08:30] ***XF***: hey is that why i aint married..
[08:30] ***XF***: lmao
[08:30] ***CF***: Save yourself
[08:30] ***CF***: ;)
[08:30] Zealot Benmergui: Gorean forced collars are not relationship collars, but rp props...
[08:30] ***MS*** didn't know she had her claws out. Opps.
[08:31] ***SS***: usualy
[08:31] Zealot Benmergui: however, I have known some that BECAME relationships
[08:31] ***SS***: usually*
[08:31] Zealot Benmergui: and again, each one is different
[08:31] ***pQ***: yes, usually. some expect it to be honored the same as a willing collar.
[08:31] ***DM***: kind of like a claim here then
[08:31] Zealot Benmergui: some women go to RP sims like that to have the choice totally removed as to WHO collars them
[08:31] Zealot Benmergui: they just want someone to claim them...
[08:31] ***CF***: Right, sometimes the prop becomes real, and that's an individual case basis. Trouble comes when people don't know the difference between the prop and the real thing.
[08:32] ***SS***: bottom line is, you are in control... until you release that control
[08:32] Zealot Benmergui: exactly
[08:32] ***DM***: hit the x button?
[08:32] Zealot Benmergui: Submission is CONSENSUAL
[08:32] Zealot Benmergui: so is accepting a collar
[08:32] ***CT*** sits listerning wondering what the topic was.
[08:32] Zealot Benmergui: never forget the best safe word is always "Get away you fucking freak MUTE EXIT
[08:33] ***DM***: lmao
[08:33] ***SS***: yeah
[08:33] ***RM***: lmao Sir
[08:33] ***SS***: well there are others too
[08:33] ***DM***: dont cry and ask him why he thinks he deserves repsect? lol
[08:33] Zealot Benmergui: MY BOYFRIEND IS A LAWYER is good
[08:33] ***SS***: but always remember that you can say NO
[08:34] Zealot Benmergui: the best safe word, truly, is discussing what you like and dislike, want and don;t want before things go physical at all
[08:34] Zealot Benmergui: but that is often not possible for most on SL
[08:35] Zealot Benmergui: and that is also the best way to accept a collar...after much discussion of what it means and doesn;t mean
[08:35] ***pQ***: people lie so much here... lie like a bad toupe. lots of time is key, time will reveal lies
[08:35] ***CT***: To many take the collar to soon, before realising what it entails, and as such the term velcro collar was born- More so in gor- and please excuse me if i took it off topic.. missed most of the lesson
[08:36] Zealot Benmergui: no, thatis quite fair
[08:36] ***CF***: You're right on topic. ;)
[08:36] Zealot Benmergui: also, people tend to view Collars like sex in the 1950s
[08:36] ***CT*** has experience in both Furry ( as you can see ) and Gor - but i find most do not understand he true meaning of submission
[08:36] Zealot Benmergui: OH gee, I let him have his way with me, now we will marry and be together forever
[08:37] Zealot Benmergui: collars are learning experiences...you will likely wear several in your time online as a sub
[08:38] Zealot Benmergui: part of it is, Miss Trieliss, that each persons submission is their own, and may be true to them
[08:39] Zealot Benmergui: the trick is making sure that the submissive and the Dominant AGREE on what it means, as well as what the collar means
[08:39] Zealot Benmergui: my normal view of submission is a bit less, well..bovine, then yours.,..doesn't make yours any less valid
[08:39] ***CT***: it is also a learning path, for there is no right or wrong to submission and domination, one Dom/me expects one thing.. another somehing else.
[08:39] ***pQ***: so not just consent is important, but *informed* consent, on both parts
[08:40] Zealot Benmergui: absolutely
[08:40] Zealot Benmergui: consent in this context implies informed, intelligent consideration
[08:40] Zealot Benmergui: not SO HORNY FINE FUCK ME AND I WILL WEAR THE STUPID COLLAR THING
[08:40] ***RM***: lmao
[08:41] ***CT*** chuckles.
[08:41] ***SW*** laughs
[08:41] ***pQ***: chuckles
[08:42] ***MS*** grins.
[08:42] Zealot Benmergui: though a lot of women have logged in to find that when they tossed their panties over the Jim Beam bottle last night, they also somehow ended up collared
[08:42] ***CT***: the collar itself is not the submission, for it as useful as a top I wear, .. as submission is form the heart, a sub doesnt have to wear a collar to know whom s/he is. Nor does s/he has to be fucked ( hough that is very nice indeed sometimes )
[08:42] Zealot Benmergui: funny how that works
[08:42] Zealot Benmergui: Absolutely Miss Trieliss, a collar is a symbol, which may or may not be needed, and means something different to each person
[08:43] Zealot Benmergui: let me get a little buiness out of the way quickly...
[08:43] ***CT***: same can be said for guys too Sir can it not? after all "some" guys can be lead by their...................... XD
[08:43] ***RM***: definitely ***CT***
[08:43] Zealot Benmergui: Is there any other way a man is led, Miss Trieliss?
[08:43] ***CT***: Yes.
[08:43] Zealot Benmergui: it sticks a few inches ahead of us for a REASON
[08:43] ***CT***: again its not about the physican sex that can bring either D or s
[08:44] Zealot Benmergui: smiles...quite correct.
[08:44] ***pQ***: mmhmm, love it when a guy offers me a collar 5 minutes after meeting me, and i can tell it's just because he likes my av and wants to fuck me whenever he chooses... NOT
[08:44] ***CT*** grins wickedly " but its a darn good way to lead.. hmm prince alberts "
[08:44] Zealot Benmergui: I hate to break it to you dear, but whenever he chooses will likely mean once, then on to the next
[08:44] ***RM***: yeah what is it about ppl being really turned on by cartoons?
[08:44] ***pQ***: laughs, You don't meet the Men i do, Sir
[08:45] ***SS***: For me
[08:45] ***pQ***: i wish they would move on that easily
[08:45] Zealot Benmergui: then my congratulations to your skill
[08:45] ***SS***: it's the person, behind the computer, the words, the commonalities.. the attraction
[08:45] ***SS***: and that takes time
[08:45] ***RM*** nods at ***SS***
[08:45] Zealot Benmergui: there is a reason why they say the largest sex organ is the brain
[08:46] ***pQ***: any girl who has a decent av and can string a sentence together well, isn't going to get rid of most of them that easily.. no skill needed, i'm not that conceited
[08:46] ***SS***: the initial attraction is there, we are a very visual culture
[08:46] Zealot Benmergui: ok business....please remember to tip your humble lecturer by paying me directly if you so choose..Heroin just keeps getting more expensive
[08:46] ***SS***: yes it is
[08:46] ***CT***: to many though are inpatient, they orefer the click click loving, rather hen the words, the description the emotions and the intesity that good writing can do
[08:46] Zealot Benmergui: remember next week, same day and time here at House of V
[08:47] Zealot Benmergui: and Thursdays, 9 AM SLT at Velvet Thorn, a femdom sim