Responsibilities of Dominance - 1/23/09

[07:12] Pirate Russell: Ok, T/those that will, please turn off any radars, MystiTools, etc.
[07:13] ***SS***: *chortles merrily*
[07:13] Pirate Russell: Please take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[07:13] Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! As most of y'all know, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor. I have been in SL over 3 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[07:13] Srilania Svoboda: With MINE for sure. Makes a Osterizer blender and Roto Rooter look like kid's toys
[07:13] Pirate Russell looks over her glasses @ sri
[07:13] Pirate Russell: For any that need to leave early, all transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[07:14] Pirate Russell: LOL
[07:14] Pirate Russell: O/our topic today: The Repsonsibility of Dominance
[07:14] Pirate Russell: And that should probably be "Dominants", too
[07:14] Pirate Russell: I would like to preface this with My usual, EVERY releationship is as different as those that are in it.
[07:14] Sara Dressler: Forgive me but I must leave. Thank you for everything.
[07:14] Pirate Russell: I used to say the two that are in it, but relationships now include more than two, but I won't go so far as to include the occasional farm animal, though.
[07:15] Pirate Russell: Dominants have responsibilities and, yes rules, too!
[07:15] Pirate Russell: The Highest Honour That A Dominant Could Ever Achieve Is The State Of Honour Itself. To Be Completely Respected And Trusted.
[07:15] Pirate Russell: There Are Some Definite Guidelines About Being A Dominant. With The Ever Growing Population Of "Chatrooms" There Appears To Be A Lot Of Confusion About The Dominants Role In The "Online" Lifestyle.
[07:15] Pirate Russell: The Foundation Of The Dominant Are Based On 3 Li'l Words:
[07:16] Pirate Russell: Trust
[07:16] Pirate Russell: Honour
[07:16] Pirate Russell: Respect
[07:16] Pirate Russell: Each Dominant Should Be Able To Display Chararistics Of These Words, Both "Online" As Well As Offline.
[07:16] Pirate Russell: The Power Exchange Is About Trust Can You Trust Someone Who Dismisses Your Feelings Even In An "Online" Relationship.
[07:16] Pirate Russell: Playing In Other Chats Or Instant Messengers, Secretly Accepting Other "submissives" All The While He Is Claiming He Is "Trustworthy"?
[07:16] Pirate Russell: Is It Acceptable For A Dominant To Hide "Online" Things From His submissive?
[07:17] Pirate Russell: Especially If They Plan On A Real Time Meeting Or Relationship? If They Hiding Things Here, Wonders What They are going to Hide From You RL.
[07:17] Pirate Russell: One Of The Things A submissive Must Have Is The Confidence In Their Dominant Will Not Harm Them Nor Allow Harm To Come To Them.
[07:17] Pirate Russell: Trust Must Be Established. This Goes For The Mental Health As Well As The Physical Aspect Of The Relationship.
[07:18] Pirate Russell: Trust Will Grow As We Respect And Honour Each Other. Please Get To Know The Person You Are Considering To Be In A Relationship With.
[07:18] Pirate Russell: You Are Trusting Someone With The Most Precious Thing You Have...Your LIFE. You Can Quickly End Up In A Situation That Is Neither Safe, Sane, Nor Consensual.
[07:18] Pirate Russell: Can You Really Trust Your Life To Someone who Takes No Value Of The Words Trust, Honour & Respect?
[07:19] Pirate Russell: ***BTW, this is mostly from a RL point of view.....***
[07:19] Pirate Russell: According to Rules for Masters by Jack Rinella <>
[07:19] Pirate Russell: 1. Have some rules. Over time, of course, each one of us gains insight into what works and what doesn't. Some of this wisdom is codified into rules.
[07:19] Pirate Russell: Rules are protective, instructive, and helpful. Having rules means that you know yourself, know what you want and don't want, and understand that everyone, including yourself, has limits.
[07:20] Pirate Russell: I know some people think they have no limits. They are fooling themselves as we are all constrained by physical nature, economic considerations, legal issues, and moral and ethical realities.
[07:20] Pirate Russell: We are all limited by the rose colored glasses through which we see the world. Rules help us respect those limits and avoid the trouble that is encountered when we exceed them.
[07:21] Pirate Russell: 2. Make sure those rules are your rules. You can't (well you can if you want) just go out and find some rules and use them.
[07:21] Pirate Russell: Rules must take their life from who you are. Rules must reflect the authentic you. If they don't, they will be burdensome and unenforceable.
[07:21] Pirate Russell: Good rules, then, start from the first rule of life: "Know thyself." I guess I would then temper that with "Love, and then do whatever you will." That doesn't mean that you can't borrow or copy another's rules. By all means do so.
[07:22] Pirate Russell: There is no reason to reinvent the wheel. If Master so and so has a reason for doing something and you like it, then do it too. Just make sure the rules resonate with who you are and what you want.
[07:22] Pirate Russell: I can not be too strong in emphasizing the importance of the inner self in this arena of rule-making column.
[07:23] Pirate Russell: 3. Don't make brittle rules. Rules are helpful because they add clarity and facilitate decision making. Rules cut in stone become millstones and anchors.
[07:23] Pirate Russell: Now I have nothing against either of those things as we need to grind grain and anchor boats,
[07:23] Pirate Russell: but if you think you can run your dungeon, your slave, or your life by a set of rules that are set in concrete or carved in granite, then you are kidding yourself.
[07:24] Pirate Russell: Better than a long list of rules, one might have a list of principles, guidelines for action. Certainly they may lend themselves to codification, but the spirit of the principle is much more important than the letter of the law.
[07:24] Pirate Russell: The Sabbath, after all, was made for man, not man for the Sabbath. Besides, there are always going to be exceptions and no amount of rule writing is going to cover all the possibilities.
[07:24] Pirate Russell: 4. Communicate those rules. It's obvious that we need to communicate rules to slaves so that they obey them. The same goes for rules for ourselves.
[07:24] Pirate Russell: Over time, I tell my applicants my rules and explain why I have them. I won't, for instance, let a subissive write and talk endlessly.
[07:25] Pirate Russell: He has got to show up at my doorstep within 6-8 weeks of our initial meeting. Why? Because I'm not into cybersex.
[07:25] Pirate Russell: Are there exceptions? Sure. The date can be extended for lots of reasons, but the communication will be curtailed until the plane ticket is bought. It's simply a matter that if you're not ready, then please don't act like you are.
[07:26] Pirate Russell: Communicating your rules has some nice benefits.
[07:26] Pirate Russell: It shows you are in control, that you have an understanding of what you want and don't want, and that you've thought about being a Master.
[07:26] Pirate Russell: It also gives the submissive a sense of security to know that you have rules too, such as "I will not have un-safe sex." Now he knows he doesn't have to worry about one thing anyway.
[07:26] Pirate Russell: 5. Remember man, that thou art dust; or get real. These Doms who think the world revolves around them need to think again.
[07:27] Pirate Russell: Humility is a still a virtue, even in a person who wields great power. Being in control doesn't that mean that a person needs to be haughty, egotistical, or obnoxious.
[07:27] Pirate Russell: If you are truly a person born to rule, then you have no need to put on airs. Pretense smells. Honesty, sincerity, and generosity have quite a different odor about them.
[07:27] Pirate Russell: There's also a side of this rule that involves practicality. Your rules need to be pragmatic, workable, reasonable, measurable, and enforceable.
[07:28] Pirate Russell: If they aren't, they will be honored only in the breaking and you will be seen as living in a fantasy world. It's one thing, of course, to have a rule for a weekend scene, quite another to have a rule for living out the rest of your life.
[07:28] Pirate Russell: 6. Stay above it. Just because the world is going to hell in a hand basket is no reason for you to do the same. Have high standards and stick to them.
[07:28] Pirate Russell: 7. Set benchmarks and progress points. A person becomes a doctor through a long and arduous series of learning experiences and tests that prove the experiences have had their desired effect.
[07:29] Pirate Russell: Each passing grade through high school, college, and med school contributes to the eventual M.D. Each evaluation, and not any single one, grants a person his or her license to practice medicine.
[07:30] Pirate Russell: It is no different for plumbers, electricians, or anyone else who wishes to acquire skill and standing.
[07:31] Pirate Russell: As you evaluate prospective slaves, recognize that this is a process and note their success or failure at each step of the way.
[07:31] Pirate Russell: Too often we want to jump to a full-blown contract while what are required are small steps and a gradual process.
[07:32] Pirate Russell: Heat milk quickly and it scalds, heat it slowly and it comes out just right.
[07:32] Pirate Russell: Running evaluations are helpful to everyone. Rules, after all, are meant to be helpful, indicative of reality.
[07:32] Pirate Russell: 8. Don't talk it all to death. submissives, if you want no more than phone and cyber sex, then keep talking. If you want real leather, you have to get physical.
[07:32] Pirate Russell: We are, after all, trying to develop real relationships. If I'm never going to meet you, I'm never going to be your master. You can pretend all you want on the phone.
[07:32] Pirate Russell: It might even get you off. But one of my rules is that until you've shaken hands, you haven't met. Until I can look at you eye to eye, eat a meal with you, and hear your voice without the benefit of wires or radio waves, it's just a prelude and nothing mo
[07:32] Pirate Russell: re
[07:33] Pirate Russell: he he
[07:33] Pirate Russell: 9. Take responsibility. First and foremost you, top or bottom, are responsible for the consequences of your actions. Recognize that fact. Act responsibly. You are the one, after all, who wants to be in control.
[07:33] Pirate Russell: 10. When a person says one thing and does another, I always listen to what they do. That advice has stood me in good stead. I hope it does the same for you.
[07:33] Pirate Russell: I'd like to wind up today's talk with the Seven Pillars of Dominance:
[07:34] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant is a ruler, but never a tyrant. But to rule requires understanding, and understanding requires humility.
[07:34] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant has pride, but never arrogance. But pride requires dignity, and dignity requires humility.
[07:34] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant commands respect, but never fear. But respect requires serenity, and serenity requires humility.
[07:34] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant employs strength, but never force. But strength requires knowledge, and knowledge requires humility.
[07:35] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant criticizes, but never derides. But criticism requires insight, and insight requires humility.
[07:35] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant receives, but never takes. But receiving requires giving, and giving requires humility.
[07:35] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant completes, but never tries to alter. But to complete one must be able to see what is there, not what is missing, and this most of all requires humility.
[07:36] Pirate Russell: In short, to use an archaic phrase, noblesse oblige. The Dictionnaire de l’Académie française defines it thus:
[07:36] Pirate Russell: Whoever claims to be noble must conduct himself nobly
[07:36] Pirate Russell: If a Dominant is the centre of a submissive's universe, it is because she thinks so, not because he does.
[07:36] Pirate Russell: No one is respected, let alone obeyed, just because. The truth of the matter is that owning is at least as much work as being owned.
[07:36] Pirate Russell: All transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[07:36] Pirate Russell: College of Kink classes Monday, Tuesday, Thursday & Friday @ 7a, Tuesday & Thursday 12:30a.
[07:36] Pirate Russell: Y/you could always check the Search/Events and look for College
[07:37] Pirate Russell: Questions, Comments?!
[07:37] Pirate Russell: SpeakEasy HUD detaching...
[07:37] ***RR***: Just one comment,,, Great lesson, as usual
[07:37] ***SB*** nods
[07:38] Pirate Russell: Thanks, Rob, My goal in taking this job was to educate Doms and subs on what they're 'allowed' to do... their RIGHTS, and Responsibilities. the rest is FUN!
[07:38] ***SS***: do you think that miscommunication is one of the biggest problems in a D/s relationship?
[07:39] Pirate Russell: Yes, and no, ***SS***....
[07:39] Pirate Russell: Communication, and miscommunication, is the worst problem in EVERY relationship.
[07:39] Pirate Russell: Online, offline, D/s, Vanilla, even tipping the paperboy
[07:39] ***SS***: ah, so true...
[07:40] ***IM*** nods
[07:40] Srilania Svoboda: ***SS***, let me try to put it this way
[07:40] Srilania Svoboda: Look at a relationship as a tabletop
[07:40] Srilania Svoboda: With 3 legs under it
[07:41] Srilania Svoboda: Those legs are held up by the floor
[07:41] Srilania Svoboda: The legs are Love, Trust, and Understanding. Without ONE of those legs, the table will fall
[07:41] ***HZ***: nods
[07:41] ***SS***: absolutely fantastic visual... thank you for that!
[07:42] Srilania Svoboda: Without the ground of COMMUNICATION, NONE of those legs have a place to stand, and it all falls
[07:42] ***MK*** smiles
[07:42] ***SS***: if I were an artist that would be a faboo picture... :)
[07:42] Pirate Russell: Yeah, sri's pretty good, visually! he he
[07:43] Srilania Svoboda: That's what I get for spending as much as i do on my looks, i guess :P
[07:43] ***SS***: *chuckles*
[07:43] ***SB***: lol
[07:43] ***CD***: braces shining as she smiles...
[07:43] Pirate Russell: he he, yeah, sri, High Maintenance, he he
[07:44] ***HZ***: smiles nothing wrong with high maintenance
[07:44] Srilania Svoboda: No. I got my look going pretty well
[07:44] ***HZ***: laughs that is my other titler
[07:44] Pirate Russell: ANYway.... any other comments, questions, on Dominant's Responsibilities?
[07:45] ***IM***: About changing rules: What about changing rules based on the desires or needs of a particular sub? When or is that appropriate?
[07:46] Pirate Russell: I have done that, and it usually doesn't work.
[07:46] Pirate Russell: The subs that 'require' that treatment, are usually looking for reasons to leave, at least in My experience
[07:47] Pirate Russell: now, as girl knows, I do make allowances for other relationships and SL Employment, too.
[07:47] Pirate Russell: But, I only do it after some good...... COMMUNICATION! He he
[07:47] Srilania Svoboda: I would dare to say it would really depend on the situation, and the judgement of those involved
[07:47] ***MK*** nods
[07:48] Pirate Russell: D/s IS a relationship.... and a GOOD Dominant will step out of character to discuss problems, and sometimes, a rule change is necessary
[07:49] Pirate Russell: Every time I pass My rules on to a subby, I find little changes, because when I'm having that talk, the submissive WILL give me feedback on My rules, or W/we're not moving forward very far!
[07:51] Pirate Russell is probably jinxing it, but it looks like W/we'll duck the Rolling-Restart-Monster
[07:52] ***SS***: that would be nice... last night I got turfed three times from the club. Annoying....
[07:52] Pirate Russell: SUCKS, seems like everything else 2 min is less, too!
[07:52] Pirate Russell: he he
[07:53] Pirate Russell: Anyway....Last call for questions and comments on the topic......
[07:54] ***DH***: Thank you
[07:54] Pirate Russell: Next week, Tues & Fri mornings @ 7, I'll be doing the companion piece to this.... "The Gift of Submission"
[07:54] ***SS2***: cheers Pirate *smiles*
[07:54] ***SS***: thank you for a great course!
[07:55] ***SB***: thanks Pirate
[07:55] Pirate Russell: My pleasure, ***SS***, Shu, this is one topic that is Near and Dear to My heart, the reason I took this job, WAY too much abuse going on in SL D/s
[07:56] ***SB*** nods
[07:56] ***SS***: true...the virtual world, unfortunately, has many pitfualls...
[07:56] ***SS***: pitfalls... yep, I'm a writer. :P
[07:56] ***SB***: lol
[07:57] Pirate Russell: As does' the so called "Real World". Here we don't bleed from them! he he
[07:57] Srilania Svoboda: Unfortunately, the REAL WORLD also has just as many problems, and no teleport or mute button works there
[07:57] Pirate Russell: Well, on that optimistic note...... Class dismissed!
[07:57] ***SS***: so true....
[07:57] ***IM***: hehe
[07:57] ***SB***: thanks a lot again
[07:57] ***IM***: Thank You, Mistress.
[07:57] Pirate Russell tries to use the remote on Her hubby, all the time, never workds!
[07:57] Pirate Russell: or works
[07:57] ***SS2***: bye and thankyou Pirate
[07:57] ***SS***: lmao - ain't that the truth! :D
[07:58] ***IM***: He lets you have the remote, wow. girl is impressed.
[07:58] ***IM***: er You.
[07:58] Pirate Russell looks down at girl.... "LETS?!"
[07:58] ***SS***: bwahh-haa!
[07:58] Pirate Russell walks softly and carries a BIG handgun!
[07:59] ***SB***: bye bye everyone
[07:59] Pirate Russell: Anyway, see y'all next week!
[07:59] ***SB***: have good fun *smiles*

Alternate Alternate Lifestyles: Furry Goreans in Luv - 1/22/09

[0:43] Zealot Benmergui: Welcome A/all to the House of V’s College of Kink. My name is Zealot Benmergui, Baron BardHaven and I will be your host today. Some of you may know me from lecturing here at House of V and other locations around the grid. Others of you may know me from appearances as the presenter in such infomercials as “Multiracialism for Fun and Profit” and “Underwear…WHY?”.
[0:43] Zealot Benmergui: The topic for today is "Alternate Alternate Lifestyles: Furry Goreans in Luv”. Please note that for the purpose of clarity, I will tend to use “she” to refer to a submissive and “he” to refer to a Dominant, but either can be of any gender. Your humble lecturer WILL accept tips, but they must be paid to me directly, if you are so inclined, thank you.
[0:45] Zealot Benmergui: As I have noted in several lectures thus far, BDSM is at something of a crossroads at this point. BDSM and D/s used to be considered a deviant sort of thing, well beyond the mainstream....something that people only read about in naughty books imported from barbaric european places.
[0:45] Zealot Benmergui: That has been slowly changing until we find ourselves now at the point where in real life, elements of BDSM are found in almost all sexual relationships. We are no longer a hated and feared minority.
[0:46] Zealot Benmergui: OK, SOME of us are still a hated and feared minority...but that usually is due to the mullet and big stupid boots
[0:46] ***SM***: mmm mullet
[0:47] Zealot Benmergui: As for the rest of us, we are not exactly the majority, but we are certainly not a deviant minority any more....that place has been taken by other even more misunderstood sexual persuasions, which we will talk about a bit today
[0:48] Zealot Benmergui: During my lectures, I tend to make fun of Gor a great deal, but most of it affectionate ribbing. However Gor tends to stand for everything that people don;t like about BDSM role play
[0:48] Zealot Benmergui: Burtal, mysoginistic, crude, a little bit strange and awfully awfully geeky
[0:49] Zealot Benmergui: D & D gone horribly wrong
[0:49] Zealot Benmergui: First of all, let's try and define what Gorean role play actually is, or should be ideally
[0:50] Zealot Benmergui: On the most basic level, this is how Wikipedia defines Gor...
[0:50] Zealot Benmergui: Gor, the Counter-Earth, is the alternate-world setting for John Norman's Chronicles of Gor, a series of twenty seven novels that combine philosophy, erotica and science fiction.

The customs, terminology and imagery depicted in these books has inspired a related subculture. On- and off-line followers of this lifestyle are called Goreans.
[0:52] Zealot Benmergui: Gorean role play tends to revole around the BDSM elements found in the books, many of which were plotted by Noirman but written by others, or actually created by ghostwriters completely
[0:53] Zealot Benmergui: These are extremely controversial, as they focus on a fantasy world where the mainstream practices extreme BDSM< with most women being enslaved to men with shaved chests and large shoulders
[0:53] Zealot Benmergui: or so it would seem from the book covers
[0:54] Zealot Benmergui: This has translated into a fantasy based online BDSM community mainly made up of a core of very very dedicated adherants, some part times who like to visit Gor or keep Gorean alts, and lots and lots of tourists
[0:55] Zealot Benmergui: Gor in SL has actually become so high profile as to cause LL to briefly considering banning it
[0:56] ***AR***: nadu
[0:56] Zealot Benmergui: Some people will attempt to state that they are involved in Gorean rl in rl...even to the point of living it 24/7
[0:56] ***SS***: They would not. Gorean sims pay a LOT of money into LL coffers
[0:56] Zealot Benmergui: While I know that Gorean parties and role play events exist in rl, I have never met anyone doing it rl 24/7....and they would scare me
[0:57] ***MM*** laughs
[0:57] Zealot Benmergui: much like people who change their legal name to Frodo, or Jaidu Skywalker
[0:57] ***SM***: thats cool
[0:57] Zealot Benmergui: the worry Sri was not so much money, but threats from some eurpean countries over lawsuits or criminal charges
[0:58] Zealot Benmergui: a year and a half ago it looked very likely courts in Holland may actually seek to label Sl pornography based on age players and Gorean Sims
[0:59] Zealot Benmergui: they have moved onto new tv friendly "scandals", but it made things very very tense for a time, with reporters wandering Sl trying to get screen captures of "criminal sexual activity"
[1:00] Zealot Benmergui: this led to the effective banning of ageplay amd nearly caused the doll, Gorean and Furry communities to be banned.
[1:00] Zealot Benmergui: case in point, the recent 6 year Sl anniversary celebrations, in which Sl stated directly that child avatars, furrys and Goreans were not welcome to particiapte, just to come watch
[1:01] Zealot Benmergui: which brings us to the other minority I wanted to discuss today..the Furry community
[1:01] Zealot Benmergui: Furries are very very well known in SL, and it is the virtual world where the community is most accepted and has really taken off
[1:02] Zealot Benmergui: Furries in rl are usually roundly mocked and hated by the mainstream...who can;t get past the idea of two people in pluto costumes fucking.
[1:03] Zealot Benmergui: in Sl, there are infinate varieties of furry avatars, and several different communities.
[1:03] Zealot Benmergui: As recently as two years ago, many BDSM clubs had active anti-furry policies and would ban them from their Sims.
[1:03] Zealot Benmergui: manyclubs still have polocies against "non-human avatars" dancing or escorting
[1:04] Zealot Benmergui: remember that the Neko community is no longer considered really furry
[1:04] Zealot Benmergui: and are MUCH more generally accepted
[1:05] Zealot Benmergui: How doe the Gorean and Furry communities fit into online BDSM?
[1:06] Zealot Benmergui: First and foremost I have seen a great deal more tolerence shown to such groups over the last year....
[1:06] Zealot Benmergui: There is more and more mixing..you will see Goreans in non-Gorean clubs, as well as Furry...but both still tend to keep their own communities close, with specialized sims and areas
[1:07] Zealot Benmergui: likewise, more people involved in standard BDSM will venture into Gor, or wear a furry avatar now and again
[1:07] Zealot Benmergui: I think this kind of thing is a very positive movement, but some rules for interation need to be kept in mind.
[1:08] Zealot Benmergui: First, when visiting a Gorean or Furry area remember it is THEIR space and you should be respectuful as much as possible.
[1:08] Zealot Benmergui: Both tend to provide extensive lists of rules and customes for you to look over and agree to when you visit the sims
[1:09] Zealot Benmergui: Gorean Sims also often offer OOC or Observer titles for visitors, to avoid most of the more extreme customs, such as forced collarings or captures
[1:10] Zealot Benmergui: that is not really a measure for safety, since if you really don;t like the idea, you can port out, but it protects the role play going on and helps to avoid misunderstandings and flame wars
[1:10] Zealot Benmergui: More and more Gorean sims however no longer allow observer status, to cut down on griefing and tourists
[1:10] Zealot Benmergui: make sure you understand the rules and customs of any sim you visit.
[1:10] ***SS***: Please note there are a few that ignore these tags. If they do, or state they do not allow observers in their rules, don't go or TP out right away. If they allow Observers and someone tries forcing you, contact the SIM administrators right away
[1:11] ***MM***: actually forced sexual contact in SL is a violation of the eula
[1:11] Zealot Benmergui: Nods..exactly...or go into one of those Sims prepared for whatever happens, or taking precautions
[1:11] ***MM***: while they may say that....they are usually pretty careful about it
[1:12] ***SA***: hello Ahole
[1:12] ***AK***: Hey Ling
[1:12] Zealot Benmergui: nods...but most Sims have a noecard saying just being there is consent..and I don;t think anyone has tried to use the EULA against Gorean capture sims yet
[1:12] ***AK***: Hey All Sorry im late
[1:12] Zealot Benmergui: Hiya A
[1:12] ***SS***: I speak from going into Gorean sims as an observer, and someone trying to force me in. I simply TPed out and talked to the admins about it
[1:12] ***AK***: Hey Z long time.
[1:13] Zealot Benmergui: Nods..that was the right thing to do, certainly, if you didn;t want to go that route..and most Sims that allow observers urge you to report any violations...these are usually the ones who depend on outsiders to support their vendors
[1:14] Zealot Benmergui: Furry Sims are a bit different in that if you are an observer, it is pretty obvious..and many of them discourage outsiders or non furries coming into their areas
[1:14] Zealot Benmergui: bad experiences with Zoos and things I imagine
[1:14] ***MM*** laughs
[1:15] ***SS***: I've not had much probs out of furry sims. Most i have visited are welcoming and friendly.
[1:15] Zealot Benmergui: In those situations, be polite, repsect their areas, and if you want to look around, ask a Furry friend to show you around
[1:15] Zealot Benmergui: nods..they are growing more open...but they have gotten badly badly griefed in the past
[1:15] ***MM***: I think it's more they are griefed so much they assume trouble is about to happen then it is them being unfriendly
[1:15] Zealot Benmergui: the destruction of Luskwood is still remembered by a number of people
[1:16] Zealot Benmergui: both Gorean and Furry roleplay have a place in online BDSM, and we need to remember that we must extend respect and tolerence to everyone in the lifestyle, not just the ones who do things we understand or agree with
[1:17] Zealot Benmergui: BDSM communities have fought long andf hard for tolerence and mainstream acceptence, it is ironic that often we are the first to deny it to other groups
[1:18] ***MM***: well tolerance is something that is often stated, but we aren't even all that tolerant within our own community on some things
[1:18] ***SS***: Aye. Though it should be noted that acceptance and tolerance are different things. You don't have to like it. You can hate it with a passion. Tolerate means put up with it
[1:18] Zealot Benmergui: Now, as always, I open the floor to discussions, whining and jello wresting
[1:19] ***SS***: It can still piss you off
[1:19] ***MM*** whines
[1:19] ***SM***: cake?
[1:19] Zealot Benmergui: Sure,..but then I accept a lot of things that piss me off...
[1:19] Zealot Benmergui: smiles at Mali
[1:20] Zealot Benmergui: no Cake today Wolverine
[1:20] ***SA***: buttseks?
[1:20] ***MM*** whines louder for "cake"
[1:20] Zealot Benmergui: have any of you run into intolerence towards Furries or Goreans
[1:20] ***SA*** throws a muffine at mali
[1:20] ***SA***: -e
[1:20] ***SM***: yeh Mali.....we all want cake!!!
[1:20] ***AK***: If these ppl dont want griefers should they not maybe think about keeping there roleplay to there sims and not bringing it here to "Earth"
[1:20] ***SA***: muffine is french for muffin .. in case you didnt know
[1:21] ***SM***: Snikt!
[1:21] ***SS***: Heh. I've run into it for both, and also intolerance to my breed as well
[1:21] Zealot Benmergui: Most Goreans don;t try to rp Gorean style outside of their Sims...
[1:21] ***MM*** laughs at the voice of intolerance
[1:21] Zealot Benmergui: they just wear funny hats
[1:21] ***MM***: there is no "them" and "us"
[1:22] Zealot Benmergui: SL is odd sometimes in that people are encouraged to be whatever they can dream of...and then people who have white male avatars in jeans and tshirts can make fun of them
[1:22] ***AK***: Well
[1:22] ***AK***: we arent aloud to go there and be us
[1:22] ***AK***: why should they come here and be them
[1:22] ***AK***: Double standard because they RP?
[1:22] ***SS***: White male avatars in cheap looking freebies
[1:23] ***SM***: yeah...they suck
[1:23] ***MM***: mmm suck
[1:23] ***MM***: cake?
[1:23] Zealot Benmergui: by and large A they don;t want to RP in non Gorean Sims..they just come here for lunch
[1:23] ***SM***: mmm choclate with frosting
[1:23] Zealot Benmergui: if a Gorean tried to force collar or capture someone in a Sim like House of V...well, the derision would be intense...
[1:23] ***MM***: you want cake Sean?
[1:23] Zealot Benmergui: I have never seen any of them try it
[1:24] ***SM***: always mali.....
[1:24] Zealot Benmergui: usually they will keep to Gorean customs between each other, but then pretend they don;t understand non Goreans when they speak...soprt of like the French
[1:24] ***AK***: I have Z, it was friking ww3
[1:25] Zealot Benmergui: Kamikaze Goreans
[1:25] ***SS***: There are some that claim to be Gorean, but are just Twatwaffles
[1:25] Zealot Benmergui: mmmm twatwaffles
[1:25] ***MM***: that statement is true of anything though
[1:26] Zealot Benmergui: Those are just griefers who pretend to be Gorean to start things...not unlike any griefers
[1:27] Zealot Benmergui: usually Goreans will rp between Master and slaves in non groean sims, but not try to involve outsiders
[1:28] ***MM***: the line is confusing though, there are many new "Dom/mes" that espouse theories that are very gorean without knowing they are gorean ideals
[1:28] Zealot Benmergui: well, Gor tends to be the style of BDSM that people are exposed to first..or at least fits their stereotype
[1:28] ***MM*** nods
[1:29] Zealot Benmergui: the whole, Women can be collared by maaster, must server any Dominant, have no rights, are submissive to anyone. yadda yadda
[1:29] ***AK***: THE WAY it should be "Cough"
[1:29] ***MM***: yes, but my point is that's not a Gorean acting badly, it's just someone that's undereducated
[1:29] ***SM*** ducks
[1:29] Zealot Benmergui: lots of newcomers will come into clubs like House of V and talk and act like Goreans until someone slaps them down or sets them straight...or migrate to a Gorean Sim
[1:30] Zealot Benmergui: Goreans Behaving Badly...can I get that on a tshirt?
[1:30] ***MM*** laughs
[1:30] ***AK***: So Z, are you saying gor is for the narrow minded?
[1:30] ***SS***: Aye, I've slapped the stupid out of a few "I'm a Master and you do whatever i say" idiots
[1:31] ***AK***: Or a starting place for wannabe Masters
[1:31] Zealot Benmergui: Nope...Gor is a specfic taste and style
[1:31] Zealot Benmergui: is a Chinese restaurant for the narrow minded?
[1:31] ***SM***: ooo......can i get extra prawn chips?
[1:32] Zealot Benmergui: most Goreans would likely say they don;t want wannabee's. but experience Doms and subs who understand the style and culture...
[1:32] Zealot Benmergui: Kneel and Suck the Prawn Chip, bitchboy
[1:32] ***SA***: no but you can eat my pussy like shrimp fried rice
[1:32] ***SS***: Goreans and mainline BDSMers have been at odds for some time, and there is still debate on if Gor is BDSM, or a seperate and similar culture
[1:32] ***SM*** gets the soy
[1:32] ***MM***: well in the rl community GOR says they are not bdsm and doesn't want to be
[1:32] Zealot Benmergui: nods...things have been quieter of late...but yes, is is still a discussion
[1:32] ***MM***: but that's a whole other subject
[1:33] Zealot Benmergui: personally I feel Gor is a role play environment with BDSM elements
[1:33] Zealot Benmergui: to Goreans BDSM in RL implies it is a bedroom activity...while they say Gor is a lifestyle
[1:34] Zealot Benmergui: Jewish, Hindu, Episcopalian, Gorean....
[1:34] ***SM***: LMAO
[1:34] Zealot Benmergui: as with most such things..to those on the inside, it is a lifestyle choice, to those on the outside it is fucking nuts but sort of hot

Safewords - 1/22/09

[7:11] Srilania Svoboda: Ok, please take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[7:11] Srilania Svoboda: Please also turn off or remove any radar, scanners, or sleep Mystitools so lag is reduced.
[7:12] Srilania Svoboda: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! I'm the Newd Teacher, Srilania Svoboda, and your instructor for this lesson.
[7:12] Srilania Svoboda: While I have only been in Second life for about six months, I have been about in the real world for many years, as well as out in other realms of the internet, as a submissive, then became a Domme, which I have done for about 5 years.
[7:12] Srilania Svoboda: For any that need to leave early, all transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[7:12] Srilania Svoboda: Today's lesson is on Safeword
[7:12] Srilania Svoboda: or
[7:12] Srilania Svoboda: HOW THE HELL DO I STOP THIS RIDE????
[7:13] Srilania Svoboda: First off, what is a safeword?
[7:13] Srilania Svoboda: A safeword is a word, phrase, or action for the submissive to let the Dominant in a scene know when things are going badly for them.
[7:13] Srilania Svoboda: This can and does include physical boundaries, emotional limits, or psychological issues.
[7:13] Srilania Svoboda: But why is a safeword neccessary, you might be asking?
[7:14] Srilania Svoboda: Yes, there is an idea that safewords aren't neccessary for submissives, pets, or slaves, or that these people have no limits and therefore don't deserve one.
[7:14] Srilania Svoboda: Safewords can be more than an all stop. They can be a signal that things are too intense, or even a willingness to go harder.
[7:14] Srilania Svoboda: Safewords are words that are chosen before play starts, and discussed so both Dominant and submissive know what words are in use.
[7:15] Srilania Svoboda: these are brought into play, so a submissive can feel free to relax and holler "No" "Stop" and "Don't", feeding a roleplay scene, or just letting the submissive feel more helpless.
[7:16] Srilania Svoboda: And before anyone starts to dismiss the idea of a roleplay scene needing a safeword, how many here actually do some form of roleplay?
[7:16] *MK* lifts hand
[7:16] *SL* Pirate night
[7:16] *YU* lifts hand
[7:17] Srilania Svoboda: Unfortunately, this was a trick question. ALL play on Second Life is a form of roleplay
[7:18] Srilania Svoboda: These words are usually not every day words, so they are distinctive enough so the partner knows they are used.
[7:18] Srilania Svoboda: Fuck me harder is NOT a good safeword
[7:18] *IM* giggles
[7:18] Srilania Svoboda: Yes, I have heard this used as a safeword
[7:18] Srilania Svoboda: Please don't beat me is not a good safeword.
[7:19] Srilania Svoboda: There are many common safewords in common usage, and usually follow a traffic light system.
[7:19] Srilania Svoboda: A red safeword is one where all play is stopped immediately, and IMMEDITE aftercare applied.
[7:19] Srilania Svoboda: When a sub calls the red safeword, something has happened.They will be in a bad place mentally, or even requiring medical attention.
[7:20] Srilania Svoboda: Medical attention CAN AND DOES happen sometimes from Second Life play. Some do choose to enact upon themselves what is being done to them in the digital world
[7:20] Srilania Svoboda: Yellow safewords are words used to tell the partner that limits are getting edged to, or just that the play is going too fast and hard.
[7:21] Srilania Svoboda: A green safeword is usually one that tells the parner things are just fine and dandy, or even a "Come on already, are you gonna tickle me or beat me?"
[7:21] Srilania Svoboda: Some places take this in a literal sense, using Red, Yellow and Green for safewords.
[7:21] Srilania Svoboda: From my personal experience, the only one in that list that is unsafe is the most important one, Red.
[7:22] Srilania Svoboda: In the text of chat, Red is easy to understand.
[7:22] Srilania Svoboda: But, as many try learning RL BDSM from SL, one should look at the verbal portion.
[7:23] Srilania Svoboda: And yes, there are newer people to BDSM that try to learn it in the relative safety of the digital world, THEN bring that knowledge to the real world
[7:23] Srilania Svoboda: Red can be mistaken for rub in a noisy place. A gagged sub cannot make themselves heard well.
[7:24] Srilania Svoboda: Everyone, in real life, put your hand over your mouths, tightly so you cannot talk, and try to say red.
[7:24] Srilania Svoboda: Please do so now
[7:24] *IM* heh. Woo doesn't sound like red.
[7:24] Srilania Svoboda: Sounds like a grunt almost, doesn't it?
[7:25] Srilania Svoboda: I have found myself that the word MAYDAY works far better, as it is a word that can be understood without changing how one speeks it.
[7:25] Srilania Svoboda: Please try it again, this time trying to say MAYDAY instead of red
[7:26] Srilania Svoboda: Sounds muffled, but pretty understandable, doesn't it?
[7:26] *IM* nods
[7:27] Srilania Svoboda: Go ahead, try it.
[7:27] Srilania Svoboda: While there are a lot of clubs that use green, yellow, and red, it can be shown just how dangerous the word red is.
[7:27] *MK* nods
[7:28] Srilania Svoboda: And yes, a lot of Real life Play dungeons, play clubs, and gatherings use red as an all stop safeword, I have found it's not a safe one to use
[7:28] Srilania Svoboda: Safewords can be used either by the submissive calling them out when needed, or the Dominant asking their condition.
[7:28] Srilania Svoboda: Sometimes, either because of noise, restraints, or the submissive drops too deep into subspace, a non verbal safeword is needed.
[7:29] Srilania Svoboda: This can be anything from a tapping, to grunting in a rhythmic fashion.
[7:29] Srilania Svoboda: A way for Dominants to do a checkin on a sub that has gone unresponsive IRL is to stick their finger in the sub's hand, and have the sub squeeze it.
[7:29] Srilania Svoboda: For Second Life, it is harder for these forms of non verbal safewords.
[7:30] Srilania Svoboda: Having them repeat one letter over and over, or have them hit any key and enter to do a checkin for safety can work.
[7:30] Srilania Svoboda: Safewords are not just for the submissive, but for the Dominant, or even an observer.
[7:30] Srilania Svoboda: For instance, a safeword could be called by an observer if the scene has gotten too intense for their comfort, and need a moment to be able to leave the vicinity of the scene.
[7:31] Srilania Svoboda: Or a Dominant might use one to indicate thatthe submissive is getting too carried away in a scene.
[7:31] Srilania Svoboda: This usually happens when the submissive carries on in order to get punished harder.
[7:31] Srilania Svoboda: An officer in a play space or dungeon could also use one to point out to participats if there is something wrong that neither Dominant or submissive is aware of.
[7:32] Srilania Svoboda: Such things as your Hitatchi magic Wand coming partly unplugged from the extension cord, causing an electrocution hazzard
[7:33] Srilania Svoboda: Many times, a submissive feels using their safeword is bad.
[7:33] Srilania Svoboda: The most common reason is they fear using their safeword will dissappoint their Dominant.
[7:33] Srilania Svoboda: Also, some have gotten the horrible notion that safewords are topping from the bottom.
[7:33] Srilania Svoboda: These attitudes and ideas can and do cause a scene to keep going LONG after it should have been stopped.
[7:34] Srilania Svoboda: This is a major cause of breakups in the BDSM community, as the sub feels afterwards that they cannot trust their Dominant anymore.
[7:34] Srilania Svoboda: And without the pillar of Trust, a relationship cannot stand.
[7:35] Srilania Svoboda: It is of vital importance that you use your safewords when they are needed.
[7:35] Srilania Svoboda: These are a form of Communication with your play partner, and discouraging the use of them runs the risk of future scenes becoming trust breaking.
[7:35] Srilania Svoboda: Now, some relationships become so secure, where all parties know things and run like a well oiled machine.
[7:35] Srilania Svoboda: Even in these, it is important to keep the safewords as a backup, in case something unexpected happens.
[7:37] Srilania Svoboda: Real Life example, I watched a scene where 2 people were playing in second life. The submissive tied her legs and one hand behind her back, and used the free hand to type and whip herself. She jerked wrong, and popped her shoulder out of socket
[7:37] Srilania Svoboda: INSTEAD of calling her safeword, she did the rest of the scene, which was 2 hours
[7:38] Srilania Svoboda: In intense agony BECAUSE she was afraid to use her safeword
[7:38] ***SL*** eyebrow rising.
[7:39] Srilania Svoboda: Some allow and demand that Stop, Don't, and No be used to stop play.
[7:39] Srilania Svoboda: While in a full and secure relationship, this could be done, it can stop a scene as it begins or be ignored as roleplaying.
[7:40] Srilania Svoboda: Because I do know a lot of people have that interrogation fantasy, rape fantasy, or other types of fantasies, No, Stop, and Don't in a scene can be a bad stopping word
[7:41] Srilania Svoboda: it is important to avoid doing this unless in a relationship with a huge ammount of trust, and it be negotiated before the scene.
[7:41] Srilania Svoboda: For instance. Subbies? Any of you play on member's day, or sometimes allow a Dominant to play with you?
[7:42] *IM* shakes her head.
[7:42] Srilania Svoboda: You wouldn't trust them right off the bat with a phone number and address you live at, would you?
[7:42] *MK* no
[7:43] *YU* nope
[7:43] Srilania Svoboda: Play WITHOUT safewords is THAT level of trust
[7:44] Srilania Svoboda: Remember, safewords are not meant for topping from the bottom, not meant to bash someone over the head with.
[7:44] Srilania Svoboda: They are an emergency stop, just in case something goes wrong on the carnival ride you're on.
[7:44] Srilania Svoboda: Questions, opinions, feelings?
[7:44] Srilania Svoboda: Please feel free to feed the Teacher. I eat Linden Dollars as well as most types of blood, and the occasional stray victim!
[7:44] Srilania Svoboda: All transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[7:44] Srilania Svoboda: For Class times and topics, Y/you would always check the Search/Events and look for College
[7:45] Srilania Svoboda: Any comments or questions?
[7:45] *SL* nodding "Thank you for the thoughts, always good to review reality of things."
[7:45] *MK* alot of my questions were answered in the first class Aijin.
[7:46] Srilania Svoboda: Aye, but except for you and koneko, noone here was at the last class
[7:46] *MK* nods "ok"
[7:46] *YU* i have no questions ask
[7:47] *MK* what of qsafewords that you've alreddy agreed apon, but directly effect a certain scene?
[7:47] *IM* Are safewords necessary in SL when it's trivial to have OOC communications by puting what you say in (( ))?
[7:47] *IM*.
[7:47] Srilania Svoboda: Ok. Geisha, that one is vital to stop play, then renegotiate a new safeword
[7:48] Srilania Svoboda: IM, the concept of a safeword is an alert word. the harder one makes it to do, the less likely the person calling it can or will use it
[7:49] *MK* lifts hand
[7:49] Srilania Svoboda: Aye?
[7:49] *MK* what about when you have to stop with a safeword due to an emergancy? in RL or from SL play. such as the shoulder dislocation?
[7:50] *MK* what do you tell the Emergancy room?
[7:50] *MK* if you have other marks like welts, bruses and such
[7:50] *VS* Actually ER staff are used to that
[7:50] Srilania Svoboda: You do be open and honest with the doctor. You also point out Doctor/patient confidentiality
[7:51] *MK* hai, this question i asked on tuesday heh. but it's good to ask them again for those who did not hear them before
[7:51] Srilania Svoboda: Well, Veena, in parts of the Midwest, they kind of frown on it.
[7:52] *IM* Getting medical help is a lot more important than a avoiding a little embarrasment, too. ER's deal with much worse than that.
[7:52] *VS* Frown they may but, they have seen it --
[7:52] *MK* yes, but there are those who feel it's anot safe.
[7:52] *VS* under US law they are required to report gunshot wounds -- unles it is a child or the person asks for shelter or help
[7:52] *VS* i mean *only* required to report gunshot wounds
[7:52] Srilania Svoboda: Aye
[7:53] *IM* Or child abuse.
[7:53] *VS* yes
[7:53] *IM* Some states require reporting adult abuse as well.
[7:53] Srilania Svoboda: But, some doctors can be busybodies, and reminding them about the Doctor/patient confidentiality can usually stop that mess
[7:53] Veena Schism: Yes
[7:55] *YU* got something ask would safeword be use if sub was feeling to sleepy go on with rp
[7:56] Srilania Svoboda: IRL, you would use a yellow or cautionary safeword. SL, use your IM channel with your partner, and let them know
[7:56] Ibrew Meads: How safe is it to act out an online scene in RL? How would you get help if you got hurt?
[7:57] Srilania Svoboda: it can be quite safe, provided you have some things prepared.
[7:57] Srilania Svoboda: Geisha, wasn't that to be next week's topic?
[7:58] *IM* Oh, cool.
[7:58] *MK* yes Aijin
[7:58] Srilania Svoboda: Aye. That is what I will cover next week
[7:59] *IM* girl has a problem with her nose plugging up, sometimes within seconds. If this one were gagged girl could suffocate, and not be able to make a sound for a safeword. Any sugestions for how to deal with that?
[7:59] Srilania Svoboda: For real life play, you mean?
[7:59] Ibrew Meads: Yes.
[8:00] Srilania Svoboda: Well, one option is to use an O Ring gag. It forces your mouth open instead of sealed shut
[8:00] Srilania Svoboda: Otherwise, quick releases, and having a non verbal safeword system
[8:01] Srilania Svoboda: Or just make the kinds of gags that make this an issue a HARD LIMIT
[8:01] *IM* nods.
[8:01] *MK* there's a gag that can protect your teeth, as well as allow for breathing. as well. im not sure what ti is. but it provides a ball gag for those who feel unfase with them
[8:02] *MK* unsafe*
[8:02] *IM* girl saw a ball gag made from a practice golf ball, the ones with lots of holes in them.
[8:02] *MK* i've seen those.
[8:02] Srilania Svoboda: it's not that she feels unsafe geisha. It's that she has a medical issue that can cause a genuine safety issue
[8:02] *MK* this one was rubber, and was slit in sections.
[8:03] *MK* oh no, i know.
[8:03] *MK* i was speaking in general
[8:04] *IM* Thank You, Miss Sri.
[8:04] *IM* And everyone else too.
[8:05] Srilania Svoboda: If there are no further questions, I'll see you all next week, unless Linden Labs has a mentdown with 1.25
[8:06] *IM* Hehe.

Safewords - 1/20/09

[0:37] Srilania Svoboda: Ok, please take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[0:37] Srilania Svoboda: Please also turn off or remove any radar, scanners, or sleep Mystitools so lag is reduced.
[0:37] Srilania Svoboda allows a moment so it can be done, as she turns hers off too
[0:38] Srilania Svoboda: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! I'm the Newd Teacher, Srilania Svoboda, and your instructor for this lesson.
[0:38] Srilania Svoboda: While I have only been in Second life for about six months, I have been about in the real world for many years, as well as out in other realms of the internet, as a submissive, then became a Domme, which I have done for about 5 years.
[0:38] Srilania Svoboda: For any that need to leave early, all transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[0:39] Srilania Svoboda: Today's lesson is on Safeword
[0:39] Srilania Svoboda: or
[0:39] Srilania Svoboda: HOW THE HELL DO I STOP THIS RIDE????
[0:39] Srilania Svoboda: And please, do feel free to ask a question during the lecture
[0:40] Srilania Svoboda: Better to ask right away and get the answer, than to wait and forget, and never know it
[0:40] Srilania Svoboda: First off, what is a safeword?
[0:41] ***SJ***: stop
[0:41] Srilania Svoboda: A safeword is a word, phrase, or action for the submissive to let the Dominant in a scene know when things are going badly for them.
[0:41] Srilania Svoboda: Yes ***SJ***?
[0:41] ***SJ***: Oh, I said that was a "safe" word
[0:42] ***SJ***: sorry to interrupt
[0:42] Srilania Svoboda: Oh. Ok
[0:42] Srilania Svoboda: This can and does include physical boundaries, emotional limits, or psychological issues.
[0:43] Srilania Svoboda: But why is a safeword neccessary, you might be asking?
[0:43] Srilania Svoboda: Yes, there is an idea that safewords aren't neccessary for submissives, pets, or slaves, or that these people have no limits and therefore don't deserve one.
[0:43] Srilania Svoboda: Safewords can be more than an all stop. They can be a signal that things are too intense, or even a willingness to go harder.
[0:43] Srilania Svoboda: Safewords are words that are chosen before play starts, and discussed so both Dominant and submissive know what words are in use.
[0:44] Srilania Svoboda: these are brought into play, so a submissive can feel free to relax and holler "No" "Stop" and "Don't", feeding a roleplay scene, or just letting the submissive feel more helpless.
[0:44] Srilania Svoboda: These words are usually not every day words, so they are distinctive enough so the partner knows they are used.
[0:44] Srilania Svoboda: Fuck me harder is NOT a good safeword
[0:44] Srilania Svoboda: Please don't beat me is not a good safeword.
[0:44] Srilania Svoboda: There are many common safewords in common usage, and usually follow a traffic light system.
[0:44] Srilania Svoboda: A red safeword is one where all play is stopped immediately, and IMMEDITE aftercare applied.
[0:45] Srilania Svoboda: When a sub calls the red safeword, something has happened.They will be in a bad place mentally, or even requiring medical attention.
[0:46] Srilania Svoboda: Yellow safewords are words used to tell the partner that limits are getting edged to, or just that the play is going too fast and hard.
[0:46] Srilania Svoboda: A green safeword is usually one that tells the parner things are just fine and dandy, or even a "Come on already, are you gonna tickle me or beat me?"
[0:47] Srilania Svoboda: Some places take this in a literal sense, using Red, Yellow and Green for safewords.
[0:47] Srilania Svoboda: From my personal experience, the only one in that list that is unsafe is the most important one, Red.
[0:47] Srilania Svoboda: In the text of chat, Red is easy to understand.
[0:47] Srilania Svoboda: But, as many try learning RL BDSM from SL, one should look at the verbal portion.
[0:47] Srilania Svoboda: Red can be mistaken for rub in a noisy place. A gagged sub cannot make themselves heard well.
[0:48] Srilania Svoboda: Everyone, in real life, put your hand over your mouths, tightly so you cannot talk, and try to say red.
[0:48] Srilania Svoboda: Go ahead
[0:48] ***PS***: mmdmm
[0:49] Srilania Svoboda: Sounds like a grunt almost, doesn't it?
[0:49] ***MK***: hai, or wead
[0:49] ***DA*** nods
[0:50] Srilania Svoboda: But the point is in a crisis situation, which calling an all stop, or red safeword, one does not want to rely on a word that can't be made out in some situations
[0:50] Srilania Svoboda: it's like having a carnival ride with an emergency stop button that simetimes won't work
[0:51] Srilania Svoboda: I have found myself that the word MAYDAY works far better, as it is a word that can be understood without changing how one speeks it.
[0:51] Srilania Svoboda: Yes, someone will have to remind me to fire my spell checker
[0:52] ***PS*** smiles
[0:52] Srilania Svoboda: Go ahead, try it.
[0:52] ***DA*** nods
[0:52] Srilania Svoboda: Notice a distinctive difference? Still muddled, but clear enough you can tell what the word is
[0:53] ***MK*** nods hai
[0:53] Srilania Svoboda: While there are a lot of clubs that use green, yellow, and red, it can be shown just how dangerous the word red is.
[0:53] Srilania Svoboda: Mind you, I do mean RL BDSM clubs and play dungeons
[0:53] Srilania Svoboda: Safewords can be used either by the submissive calling them out when needed, or the Dominant asking their condition.
[0:54] Srilania Svoboda: Sometimes, either because of noise, restraints, or the submissive drops too deep into subspace, a non verbal safeword is needed.
[0:54] Srilania Svoboda: This can be anything from a tapping, to grunting in a rhythmic fashion.
[0:54] Srilania Svoboda: A way for Dominants to do a checkin on a sub that has gone unresponsive IRL is to stick their finger in the sub's hand, and have the sub squeeze it.
[0:55] Srilania Svoboda: For Second Life, it is harder for these forms of non verbal safewords.
[0:55] ***DA***: dakneel
[0:55] Srilania Svoboda: Having them repeat one letter over and over, or have them hit any key and enter to do a checkin for safety can work.
[0:55] Srilania Svoboda: And yes, a submissive can and does go into subspaces from Second Life scening
[0:56] ***MK*** smiles wide nodding
[0:56] Srilania Svoboda: Safewords are not just for the submissive, but for the Dominant, or even an observer.
[0:56] Srilania Svoboda: For instance, a safeword could be called by an observer if the scene has gotten too intense for their comfort, and need a moment to be able to leave the vicinity of the scene.
[0:57] Srilania Svoboda: This is important in public places like House of V
[0:57] Srilania Svoboda: Or a Dominant might use one to indicate thatthe submissive is getting too carried away in a scene.
[0:57] Srilania Svoboda: This usually happens when the submissive carries on in order to get punished harder.
[0:57] Srilania Svoboda: An officer in a play space or dungeon could also use one to point out to participats if there is something wrong that neither Dominant or submissive is aware of.
[0:58] ***PS***: Hi Dracco
[0:58] Srilania Svoboda: For instance, someone's Hitatchi Magic Wand has come partly unplugged from the extension cord, and constitutes a shock hazzard
[0:59] Srilania Svoboda: Many times, a submissive feels using their safeword is bad.
[0:59] Srilania Svoboda: The most common reason is they fear using their safeword will dissappoint their Dominant.
[0:59] Srilania Svoboda: Also, some have gotten the horrible notion that safewords are topping from the bottom.
[0:59] Srilania Svoboda: These attitudes and ideas can and do cause a scene to keep going LONG after it should have been stopped.
[1:00] Srilania Svoboda: This is a major cause of breakups in the BDSM community, as the sub feels afterwards that they cannot trust their Dominant anymore.
[1:00] Srilania Svoboda: And without the pillar of Trust, a relationship cannot stand.
[1:00] Srilania Svoboda: It is of vital importance that you use your safewords when they are needed.
[1:00] Srilania Svoboda: These are a form of Communication with your play partner, and discouraging the use of them runs the risk of future scenes becoming trust breaking.
[1:00] Srilania Svoboda: Now, some relationships become so secure, where all parties know things and run like a well oiled machine.
[1:00] Srilania Svoboda: Even in these, it is important to keep the safewords as a backup, in case something unexpected happens.
[1:01] Srilania Svoboda: True story I witnessed. I was at another play area, and watched a 3 hour scene.
[1:02] Srilania Svoboda: towards the end of the first hour, the submissive, who was doing to herself what her Domme was doing to her in Second Life, accidentally dislocated her shoulder
[1:02] Srilania Svoboda: Instead of calling her safeword, and seeking medical attention, she fought through 2 hours of intense pain
[1:03] ***PS***: acks
[1:03] Srilania Svoboda: And she did not use any safeword because she felt it would dissappoint their Domme
[1:04] ***PS***: mmm
[1:04] Srilania Svoboda: She would up having some permanent damage from it, apparantly, and has since quit Second Life for fear it would happen to her again
[1:04] ***PS***: wow
[1:04] Srilania Svoboda: wound not would
[1:05] Srilania Svoboda: Some allow and demand that Stop, Don't, and No be used to stop play.
[1:05] Srilania Svoboda: While in a full and secure relationship, this could be done, it can stop a scene as it begins or be ignored as roleplaying.
[1:05] Srilania Svoboda: Which what ***SJ*** here was saying at the beginning.
[1:06] Srilania Svoboda: How many here do some form of roleplay in a BDSM scene?
[1:06] Srilania Svoboda raises her hand
[1:06] ***XK***: me too
[1:06] ***SJ***: yes
[1:06] ***MK*** raises her hand
[1:06] ***DA*** raises his hand
[1:06] ***PS*** raises her hand
[1:07] Srilania Svoboda: i bet a couple people are in IM or quietly slipped AFK, as it is a silly question for me to ask.
[1:07] ***YU*** raises her hand
[1:08] ***PS*** extends her arm fully, and orinintates it to a vertical manner
[1:09] Srilania Svoboda: Now, while you are in a secure relationship, you can probably handle Stop as a safeword, if you just assume yout play partner knows stop means stop, you CAN run the risk of that safeword getting ignored, thinking it's just part of your responses
[1:09] ***SJ***: Im not sure how she could have dislocated her shoulder though? or would she be using voice?
[1:09] ***SJ***: instead of the keyboard
[1:09] Srilania Svoboda: She kept one hand free to type, while she shackled her other hand and her ankles together
[1:10] ***SJ***: ouch
[1:10] ***MK***: if you have a priviously dislocated shoulder, it's possible to pop it out of socket, or some people have medical issue that can allow for that to happend.
[1:10] ***PS***: slipped out of her chair?
[1:10] Srilania Svoboda: She jerked wrong when she brought the flogger down on her back, and pop went the shoulder
[1:10] ***PS*** thinks that would've bene a very unpleasant pop
[1:11] ***MK***: a very simple motion like raising up form a crouched postion with a bad back and straining it, can pop your shoulder out of joint
[1:11] ***PS***: now I'm scared
[1:11] Srilania Svoboda: Joints can be fickle
[1:11] ***MK***: not that raiseing out of a crouched postioned can do that, but it's a similarity
[1:11] Srilania Svoboda: BUT I don't share that story to frighten anyone away from play
[1:12] ***PS*** nods
[1:12] Srilania Svoboda: Just to show WHY a safeword, even if you have a "No limits" relationship, is something one should try to keep with
[1:12] Srilania Svoboda: Some also insist that the Dominant be the one to monitor and keep tight control of the scene, and not allow a safeword of any kind.
[1:13] Srilania Svoboda: it is important to avoid doing this unless in a relationship with a huge ammount of trust, and it be negotiated before the scene.
[1:13] Srilania Svoboda: Also, the Dominant needs to be quite anal about safety
[1:13] Srilania Svoboda: Remember, safewords are not meant for topping from the bottom, not meant to bash someone over the head with.
[1:13] Srilania Svoboda: They are an emergency stop, just in case something goes wrong on the carnival ride you're on.
[1:14] Srilania Svoboda: Questions, opinions, feelings?
[1:14] ***MK*** raises her hand
[1:14] Srilania Svoboda: yes?
[1:14] ***MK***: what do you do about a Dom/me that doesn't give you a safeword? or is upset that you did use one? even punishing you further for it?
[1:14] ***PS***: A good slap?
[1:16] ***SJ***: thanks Srilania, i must go
[1:16] ***SJ***: sorry
[1:16] ***MK***: be well ***SJ***-san
[1:16] Srilania Svoboda: Well, it can depend on your trust and comfort level. Most times, if they refuse to allow you a safeword, you should actually consider not playing with them. Ones that discourage or even punish you more for using it are basicly stating they do not witsh communication with you, and therefore don't want a relationship. Without a foundation of communication, there cannot be Love, Trust, or Understanding
[1:16] ***SJ***: yw
[1:16] Srilania Svoboda: Please feel free to feed the Teacher. I eat Linden Dollars as well as most types of blood, and the occasional stray victim!
[1:17] ***MK***: i've actually got 3 more questions Aijin.
[1:17] Srilania Svoboda: Thank you ***DA***
[1:17] ***DA*** nods
[1:17] Srilania Svoboda: of course
[1:17] ***MK***: what if you have a certain kind of play? like food play, where bananna is yellow, apple is red, and lime is green, if these are your privious safewords, and you enter in to such a play, should you always have a back up set? or discuss it before?
[1:18] ***XK***: great question
[1:18] ***PS***: Discuss it before starting the scene
[1:18] Srilania Svoboda: one should discuss it beforehand. BUT, considering Red is not a really safe word to rely on, it's better to have oddball words
[1:18] ***MK***: domo arigato.
[1:18] ***MK***: well i ment that apple is the red safty word
[1:19] ***MK***: since so many use fruits and food as a safeword i've seen
[1:19] Srilania Svoboda: One girl I knew had Aardvark, Palomino, and Mayday for her words
[1:20] ***MK***: what if your in an interrogation play? and your role would typically use the word Mayday?
[1:21] Srilania Svoboda: if you find that your role is going to require a word you normally use as a safeword, you should again neotiate beforehand, and make sure either another word is used for the role, or another safeword is chosen
[1:21] ***DA***: Miss Srilania?
[1:21] ***MK*** nods
[1:21] Srilania Svoboda: Yes ***DA***?
[1:22] ***DA***: I wanted to say that I have made the mistake of thinking that using my safe word was a failure on my part
[1:22] ***DA***: That ultimalty the result was much worse as you point out
[1:22] Srilania Svoboda: It's a common thing ***DA***, to feel calling a safeword is a failure. It's not
[1:23] ***DA***: I understand that now, it took a very hard lesson for me to learn
[1:24] Srilania Svoboda: Sometimes, it's just something that needs an adjustment. One RL partner I had called her safeword. Turned out the knot on her wrists had shifted some, and had cut off blood flow to her hands. Within 2 seconds she was freed
[1:24] Svetlana Qinan: oop, I've gotta go. Thx Sri! :)
[1:24] Srilania Svoboda: But within 5 minutes, she asked if we could continue the scene
[1:25] Srilania Svoboda: Sometimes, it's just a "Hey, there is a problem here I need play stop to fix"
[1:25] ***MK***: be well svetlana-san.
[1:25] Svetlana Qinan: thx :)
[1:25] Svetlana Qinan: night!
[1:26] ***MK***: what about those who claim there are no limits? would you think it be insistant that there always be a safeword involed from the Dom/me or sub/slave? how would a Sub/Slave insist on this? with often feeling pressure to follow the command of a Dom/me?
[1:26] Srilania Svoboda: Well, personally, one that has abolutely no limits is probably new, inexperienced, or lying
[1:26] ***MK*** ndos
[1:27] Srilania Svoboda: Thank you Xenos
[1:27] Srilania Svoboda: EVERYONE has some kind of limit
[1:27] ***MK***: i saved my most important question for last.
[1:27] Srilania Svoboda: But, it's pretty easy. if you insist on a safeword and your partner refuses, just refuse to play with them
[1:27] ***MK*** nods
[1:28] ***MK***: like with the shoulder dislocation, how should things like aftercare be handled through SL? and what do you recomend telling a doctor of the possible marks you may have recieved if you need medical care?
[1:28] Srilania Svoboda: Aftercare in SL is much like RL, and will be a future class I will be doing, probably next week
[1:28] ***MK*** nods
[1:29] Srilania Svoboda: And usually, most doctors understand these things. besides, a dislocated shoulder is pretty common
[1:30] ***MK***: hai, the intial reason your there i can see being easy to hide, but if you have flogger marks, and or into needle play and such.
[1:30] Srilania Svoboda: Fortunately, such incidents where RL medical attention from SL play is rare
[1:30] ***MK***: it could become a serious issue.
[1:30] ***MK***: well this is also for RL plays as well as SL plays that i ask this question
[1:31] ***MK***: any reason you may need to go to the hospital form BDSM related injurys actually
[1:31] Srilania Svoboda: Aye. It can be rough, as it CAN be fussed over in the Bible belt of the US
[1:31] ***PS***: Be truthful
[1:31] Srilania Svoboda: If a Doctor starts fussing about whipmarks, be honest, but also not blatant.
[1:32] ***DA*** thinks you must always trust your Doctor, you have no choice, your life depends on it.
[1:32] Srilania Svoboda: Just say you were into some kinky sex and had an accident. Most times, that is all that is needed
[1:32] ***MK*** ndos
[1:32] ***MK***: nods*
[1:33] ***PS***: if you are able to speak, you are one the better diagnostic tools a physician has
[1:33] Srilania Svoboda: Mind you, some Doctors try thinking BDSM is abuse and starts making calls.
[1:33] Srilania Svoboda: If he starts, you inform him or her that they are violating Doctor/Patient Confidentiality, and CAN lose their license to practice medicine
[1:34] ***MK***: so you can say that and that would be true?
[1:34] ***PS***: Yes.
[1:35] Srilania Svoboda: It's Federal law in most countries that what is said between a doctor and their patient is confidential
[1:35] ***PS***: dependant in which state your are in.
[1:35] ***MK***: domo arigato Aijin.
[1:35] ***MK***: and ***DA***, and Peanut-chan
[1:35] Srilania Svoboda: Any further questions?
[1:35] ***MK***: none from me.
[1:36] ***DA***: There maybe an execption if teh Doctor is sure your life is at risk or that you dont have the facality to make your own decesions about your health. its a big risk for the doctor though
[1:36] Srilania Svoboda: There is that exception, but most MD's are loathe to make that call, as they know JUST what is on the line if they are wrong
[1:36] ***PS***: Aijin, how would you change a safeword during play?
[1:37] Srilania Svoboda: You do not
[1:37] ***PS*** nods
[1:37] Srilania Svoboda: You either stick to the agreed upon safeword, OR you stop play and renegotiate the safeword
[1:38] ***PS***: Aye Aijin
[1:38] Srilania Svoboda: That IS a valid question, by the way
[1:38] ***PS*** smiles
[1:38] ***MK***: I have another question actually. just came to me.
[1:39] Srilania Svoboda: You might be in the middle of play and find that the safeword you agreed upon isn't working.
[1:39] Srilania Svoboda: Question?
[1:40] ***MK***: yes, what if you've been through a play where your safeword was not heard, or misunderstood? how do you deal with that? also what if it was flat out ignored, besides leaveing the dom/me, how do you deal with the broken trust?
[1:41] Srilania Svoboda: Well, if they ignored the safeword, COMMUNICATE. There is the possibility that the word was not heard. However, in the context of BDSM in SL, there is almost no excuse other than Linden Labs jigging the lag button again, and one SHOULD consider stopping play or realing that person entirely.
[1:42] Srilania Svoboda: But, also, to make sure nothing like that happens, just repeat your safeword over and over till heard
[1:42] Srilania Svoboda: like this
[1:42] Srilania Svoboda: MAYDAY
[1:42] Srilania Svoboda: MAYDAY
[1:42] Srilania Svoboda: MAYDAY
[1:42] ***MK***: and if nothing happends?
[1:43] Srilania Svoboda: If they keep on going?
[1:43] ***MK***: yes
[1:43] ***MK***: i figure leaveing the scene, or loggin gout. and leaveing them.
[1:43] ***MK***: but, i wonder about the aftermath you'd be scared to do it again
[1:43] Srilania Svoboda: Well, if they keep ignoring it after about 12-20 times of saying it, get away from them as they are not going to ever listen
[1:43] Srilania Svoboda: And yes, best bet is to leave them if they do it that bad.
[1:44] ***MK***: and i mean do it again, with anyone, not just that one person
[1:45] Srilania Svoboda: In that case, your best bet is to let others know about this as well. Places like House of V have staff that can help deal with these situations
[1:46] Srilania Svoboda: Any other questions?
[1:46] ***MK***: i have no more questions Aijin.
[1:47] Srilania Svoboda: Well, if that's all, I'll see everyone next week, or thursday morn for the 7am repeat of this class
[1:48] ***PS*** smiles
[1:48] Srilania Svoboda: ***MK***, please notcard this class for the College of kink website
[1:48] ***DA***: Thank you Miss Srilania, I learned much from your class. Will try to attend again
[1:48] Srilania Svoboda: It's every tuesday at midnight thirty and thurdsday at 7am. I also do private lessons and councelling

Responsibilities of Dominance - 1/20/09

[2009/01/20 7:13] Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! As most of y'all know, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor. I have been in SL for 3 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[2009/01/20 7:13] MystiTool HUD 1.3.0: Entering chat range: Morganna Serpente (8m)
[2009/01/20 7:13] Pirate Russell: For any that need to leave early, all transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2009/01/20 7:13] Pirate Russell: O/our topic today: The Repsonsibility of Dominance
[2009/01/20 7:14] Pirate Russell: I would like to preface this with My usual, EVERY releationship is as different as those that are in it.
[2009/01/20 7:14] Pirate Russell: Dominants have responsibilities and, yes rules, too!
[2009/01/20 7:14] Pirate Russell: The Highest Honour That A Dominant Could Ever Achieve Is The State Of Honour Itself. To Be Completely Respected And Trusted.
[2009/01/20 7:14] Pirate Russell: There Are Some Definite Guidelines About Being A Dominant. With The Ever Growing Population Of "Chatrooms" There Appears To Be A Lot Of Confusion About The Dominants Role In The "Online" Lifestyle.
[2009/01/20 7:15] Pirate Russell: The Foundation Of The Dominant Are Based On 3 Lil Words:
[2009/01/20 7:15] Pirate Russell: Trust
[2009/01/20 7:15] Pirate Russell: Honour
[2009/01/20 7:15] Pirate Russell: Respect
[2009/01/20 7:15] Pirate Russell: Each Dominant Should Be Able To Display Chararistics Of These Words, Both "Online" As Well As Offline.
[2009/01/20 7:15] Pirate Russell: The Power Exchange Is About Trust Can You Trust Someone Who Dismisses Your Feelings Even In An "Online" Relationship.
[2009/01/20 7:16] Pirate Russell: Playing In Other Chats Or Instant Messengers, Secretly Accepting Other "submissives" All The While He Is Claiming He Is "Trustworthy"?
[2009/01/20 7:16] Pirate Russell: Is It Acceptable For A Dominant To Hide "Online" Things From His submissive?
[2009/01/20 7:16] Pirate Russell: Especially If They Plan On A Real Time Meeting Or Relationship? If They Hiding Things Here, Wonders What They are going to Hide From You RL.
[2009/01/20 7:16] Pirate Russell: One Of The Things A submissive Must Have Is The Confidence In Their Dominant Will Not Harm Them Nor Allow Harm To Come To Them.
[2009/01/20 7:17] Pirate Russell: Trust Must Be Established. This Goes For The Mental Health As Well As The Physical Aspect Of The Relationship.
[2009/01/20 7:17] Pirate Russell: Trust Will Grow As We Respect And Honour Each Other. Please Get To Know The Person You Are Considering To Be In A Relationship With.
[2009/01/20 7:17] Pirate Russell: You Are Trusting Someone With The Most Precious Thing You Have...Your LIFE. You Can Quickly End Up In A Situation That Is Neither Safe, Sane, Nor Consensual.
[2009/01/20 7:17] Pirate Russell: Can You Really Trust Your Life To Someone who Takes No Value Of The Words Trust, Honour & Respect?
[2009/01/20 7:18] Pirate Russell: According to Rules for Masters by Jack Rinella <>
[2009/01/20 7:18] Pirate Russell: 1. Have some rules. Over time, of course, each one of us gains insight into what works and what doesn't. Some of this wisdom is codified into rules.
[2009/01/20 7:18] Pirate Russell: Rules are protective, instructive, and helpful. Having rules means that you know yourself, know what you want and don't want, and understand that everyone, including yourself, has limits.
[2009/01/20 7:19] Pirate Russell: I know some people think they have no limits. They are fooling themselves as we are all constrained by physical nature, economic considerations, legal issues, and moral and ethical realities.
[2009/01/20 7:19] Pirate Russell: We are all limited by the rose colored glasses through which we see the world. Rules help us respect those limits and avoid the trouble that is encountered when we exceed them.
[2009/01/20 7:19] Pirate Russell: 2. Make sure those rules are your rules. You can't (well you can if you want) just go out and find some rules and use them.
[2009/01/20 7:19] Pirate Russell: Rules must take their life from who you are. Rules must reflect the authentic you. If they don't, they will be burdensome and unenforceable.
[2009/01/20 7:20] Pirate Russell: Good rules, then, start from the first rule of life: "Know thyself." I guess I would then temper that with "Love, and then do whatever you will." That doesn't mean that you can't borrow or copy another's rules. By all means do so.
[2009/01/20 7:20] Pirate Russell: There is no reason to reinvent the wheel. If Master so and so has a reason for doing something and you like it, then do it too. Just make sure the rules resonate with who you are and what you want.
[2009/01/20 7:20] Pirate Russell: I can not be too strong in emphasizing the importance of the inner self in this arena of rule-making column.
[2009/01/20 7:21] Pirate Russell: 3. Don't make brittle rules. Rules are helpful because they add clarity and facilitate decision making. Rules cut in stone become millstones and anchors.
[2009/01/20 7:21] Pirate Russell: Now I have nothing against either of those things as we need to grind grain and anchor boats,
[2009/01/20 7:21] Pirate Russell: but if you think you can run your dungeon, your slave, or your life by a set of rules that are set in concrete or carved in granite, then you are kidding yourself.
[2009/01/20 7:22] Pirate Russell: Better than a long list of rules, one might have a list of principles, guidelines for action. Certainly they may lend themselves to codification, but the spirit of the principle is much more important than the letter of the law.
[2009/01/20 7:22] Pirate Russell: The Sabbath, after all, was made for man, not man for the Sabbath. Besides, there are always going to be exceptions and no amount of rule writing is going to cover all the possibilities.
[2009/01/20 7:23] Pirate Russell: 4. Communicate those rules. It's obvious that we need to communicate rules to slaves so that they obey them. The same goes for rules for ourselves.
[2009/01/20 7:23] Pirate Russell: Over time, I tell my applicants my rules and explain why I have them. I won't, for instance, let a write and talk endlessly.
[2009/01/20 7:24] Pirate Russell: He has got to show up at my doorstep within 6-8 weeks of our initial meeting. Why? Because I'm not into cybersex.
[2009/01/20 7:24] Elegance RW 1.14.2 (r forearm): Bunny Hastings has detached her HUD cache !
[2009/01/20 7:24] Pirate Russell: Are there exceptions? Sure. The date can be extended for lots of reasons, but the communication will be curtailed until the plane ticket is bought. It's simply a matter that if you're not ready, then please don't act like you are.
[2009/01/20 7:25] Pirate Russell: Communicating your rules has some nice benefits.
[2009/01/20 7:25] Pirate Russell: It shows you are in control, that you have an understanding of what you want and don't want, and that you've thought about being a Master.
[2009/01/20 7:26] Pirate Russell: It also gives the a sense of security to know that you have rules too, such as "I will not have un-safe sex." Now he knows he doesn't have to worry about one thing anyway.
[2009/01/20 7:26] Pirate Russell: 5. Remember man, that thou art dust; or get real. These Doms who think the world revolves around them need to think again.
[2009/01/20 7:27] Pirate Russell: Humility is a still a virtue, even in a person who wields great power. Being in control doesn't that mean that a person needs to be haughty, egotistical, or obnoxious.
[2009/01/20 7:27] Pirate Russell: If you are truly a person born to rule, then you have no need to put on airs. Pretense smells. Honesty, sincerity, and generosity have quite a different odor about them.
[2009/01/20 7:27] Pirate Russell: There's also a side of this rule that inves practicality. Your rules need to be pragmatic, workable, reasonable, measurable, and enforceable.
[2009/01/20 7:28] Pirate Russell: If they aren't, they will be honored only in the breaking and you will be seen as living in a fantasy world. It's one thing, of course, to have a rule for a weekend scene, quite another to have a rule for living out the rest of your life.
[2009/01/20 7:28] Pirate Russell: 6. Stay above it. Just because the world is going to hell in a hand basket is no reason for you to do the same. Have high standards and stick to them.
[2009/01/20 7:28] Pirate Russell: 7. Set benchmarks and progress points. A person becomes a doctor through a long and arduous series of learning experiences and tests that prove the experiences have had their desired effect.
[2009/01/20 7:28] Pirate Russell: Each passing grade through high school, college, and med school contributes to the eventual M.D. Each evaluation, and not any single one, grants a person his or her license to practice medicine.
[2009/01/20 7:28] Pirate Russell: It is no different for plumbers, electricians, or anyone else who wishes to acquire skill and standing.
[2009/01/20 7:29] Pirate Russell: As you evaluate prospective slaves, recognize that this is a process and note their success or failure at each step of the way.
[2009/01/20 7:29] Pirate Russell: Too often we want to jump to a full-blown contract while what are required are small steps and a gradual process.
[2009/01/20 7:29] Pirate Russell: Heat milk quickly and it scalds, heat it slowly and it comes out just right.
[2009/01/20 7:29] Evil Titler v2: Brennan McMahon needs a new title! To set it, anyone may say the text on /13. Brennan is not able to change it.
[2009/01/20 7:30] ***IM***'s Arm Shackles: ***IM*** has detached her HUD cache !
[2009/01/20 7:30] Evil Titler v2: Pirate Russell has set a new title for Brennan McMahon! Brennan will have to live with this until the next chance for it to be changed.
[2009/01/20 7:30] Pirate Russell: Running evaluations are helpful to everyone. Rules, after all, are meant to be helpful, indicative of reality.
[2009/01/20 7:30] Pirate Russell: 8. Don't talk it all to death. , if you want no more than phone and cyber sex, then keep talking. If you want real leather, you have to get physical.
[2009/01/20 7:30] Pirate Russell: We are, after all, trying to develop real relationships. If I'm never going to meet you, I'm never going to be your master. You can pretend all you want on the phone.
[2009/01/20 7:31] Pirate Russell: It might even get you off. But one of my rules is that until you've shaken hands, you haven't met. Until I can lo at you eye to eye, eat a meal with you, and hear your voice without the benefit of wires or radio waves, it's just a prelude and nothin
[2009/01/20 7:31] Pirate Russell: 9. Take responsibility. First and foremost you, top or bottom, are responsible for the consequences of your actions. Recognize that fact. Act responsibly. You are the one, after all, who wants to be in control.
[2009/01/20 7:31] Pirate Russell: 10. When a person says one thing and does another, I always listen to what they do. That advice has stood me in good stead. I hope it does the same for you.
[2009/01/20 7:32] Pirate Russell: I'd like to wind up today's talk with the Seven Pillars of Dominance:
[2009/01/20 7:32] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant is a ruler, but never a tyrant. But to rule requires understanding, and understanding requires humility.
[2009/01/20 7:32] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant has pride, but never arrogance. But pride requires dignity, and dignity requires humility.
[2009/01/20 7:32] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant commands respect, but never fear. But respect requires serenity, and serenity requires humility.
[2009/01/20 7:33] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant employs strength, but never force. But strength requires knowledge, and knowledge requires humility.
[2009/01/20 7:33] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant criticizes, but never derides. But criticism requires insight, and insight requires humility.
[2009/01/20 7:33] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant receives, but never takes. But receiving requires giving, and giving requires humility.
[2009/01/20 7:33] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant completes, but never tries to alter. But to complete one must be able to see what is there, not what is missing, and this most of all requires humility.
[2009/01/20 7:34] Pirate Russell: In short, to use an archaic phrase, noblesse oblige. The Dictionnaire de l’Académie française defines it thus:
[2009/01/20 7:34] Pirate Russell: Whoever claims to be noble must conduct himself nobly
[2009/01/20 7:34] Pirate Russell: If a Dominant is the centre of a submissive's universe, it is because she thinks so, not because he does.
[2009/01/20 7:34] Pirate Russell: No one is respected, let alone obeyed, just because. The truth of the matter is that owning is at least as much work as being owned.
[2009/01/20 7:34] Pirate Russell: All transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2009/01/20 7:34] Pirate Russell: College of Kink classes Monday, Tuesday, Thursday& Friday @ 7a, Tuesday & Thursday 12:30a, and Friday 1p.
[2009/01/20 7:35] Pirate Russell: Cancel the Friday 1p class, that has been moved to Friday 7a
[2009/01/20 7:35] Pirate Russell: Y/you could always check the Search/Events and look for College
[2009/01/20 7:36] Pirate Russell: Questions, comments?
[2009/01/20 7:36] ***TV***: Smiles. Well done Pirate
[2009/01/20 7:36] ***TV***: I prefer to think of the "Rules" for my submissives as "mutual preferences" always subject to change or reformation as we mature in each other and grow. But our primary "rule" is that we must all very humbly be grateful for the immense gifts we are giving to each other and respect those gifts.
[2009/01/20 7:36] ***XD***: that was very informative, thanks, smiles
[2009/01/20 7:37] ***SS***: Dear Gods, please bless this bounty of orgasms for which we are about to recieve *giggles*
[2009/01/20 7:37] Pirate Russell: I am open to discussion from all of Mine, re: the rules. I have made consessions, and alterations, in the past
[2009/01/20 7:37] ***IM*** nods
[2009/01/20 7:38] Pirate Russell: Was just about to point to the Lady in Red.... ok girl in Red... he he
[2009/01/20 7:39] Pirate Russell: no other questions?
[2009/01/20 7:39] Pirate Russell: Y'all are gonna make it HARD on Me today... hehe
[2009/01/20 7:40] ***JH*** raises a hand
[2009/01/20 7:40] Pirate Russell: Yes, ***JH***
[2009/01/20 7:40] ***JH***: you're talk went into a lot of RL topics, do you have any additional advice to SL only relations?
[2009/01/20 7:41] ***TV***: One is not relieved of the resonsibility to show humility and respect merely because we are online I think.
[2009/01/20 7:41] Pirate Russell: Not really, because we're all "meat bags" sitting behind these screens.... real feelings behind the hot cartoonie avitars
[2009/01/20 7:42] ***TV***: grins at meat bag
[2009/01/20 7:42] ***XD***: lol
[2009/01/20 7:42] ***JH***: Thanks. (and good lecture BTW)
[2009/01/20 7:42] ***TV***: The AV may be fake but the emotions behind it are quite real
[2009/01/20 7:42] ***NS***: agrees it something that people seem to forget alot
[2009/01/20 7:42] Pirate Russell: And, I can also tell the submissives from the ones playing a role, too!
[2009/01/20 7:43] ***SS*** nods
[2009/01/20 7:44] ***IM***: What are some of Your rules, if girl may ask the Dom/mes here?
[2009/01/20 7:44] Pirate Russell: I have a companion lecture to this about submissive rights, and there are 3 types of subbies, those that are submissive to the process (bondage, humiliation, etc), those that... um... let Me grab My notes on the2nd, and the 3rd is the true submissive, those that actually put their Dominant first
[2009/01/20 7:44] Pirate Russell: My first and formost rule is what, ***IM***?
[2009/01/20 7:44] ***IM***: real life comes first.
[2009/01/20 7:45] ***JH***: Good rule.... I subscribe to that one
[2009/01/20 7:45] Pirate Russell: EXACTLY!
[2009/01/20 7:45] Pirate Russell: Not just for play, but ofr the relationship, too!
[2009/01/20 7:45] ***SS***: I keep looking online and i keep getting 404 file not found
[2009/01/20 7:45] Pirate Russell: Looking for what, ***SS***?
[2009/01/20 7:45] ***SS***: The Real Life store
[2009/01/20 7:45] Pirate Russell: Ahh, ok
[2009/01/20 7:46] ***IM*** giggles
[2009/01/20 7:46] Pirate Russell: Quoted from My Rules, "Rule 1 is RL comes first, no matter what, this rule is My one ABSOLUTE, and I've needed to break it up into 2 parts"
[2009/01/20 7:46] Pirate Russell: " Rule 1a) This is a "game". If you have Real Life issues they come first! If girl must leave My presence, simply say "Rule 1" and handle life, whether it be AFK, or logging. "
[2009/01/20 7:46] Pirate Russell: " Rule 1b) Since this is a "game", if you're not having fun, tell Me, we'll do something else, or we'll play separately for a while, or for good. But please TELL ME!"
[2009/01/20 7:46] Pirate Russell: That is the only rule that is not negotiable with Me
[2009/01/20 7:47] Pirate Russell: ~~~ and that other submissive is, "Sexual Submissive (AKA bottom, sensual submissive)
A sexual sub is in D/s for their own sexual gratification."
[2009/01/20 7:48] Pirate Russell: I will do the companion class next wek
[2009/01/20 7:48] ***IM***'s Arm Shackles: ***IM*** has detached her HUD cache !
[2009/01/20 7:48] Pirate Russell: er week
[2009/01/20 7:49] ***IM***: Any other rules You Dom/mes have?
[2009/01/20 7:49] Pirate Russell: it's called, "The Gift of submission"
[2009/01/20 7:49] ***TV***: Pirate. What abour rules of dress or how they must appear in your presence?
[2009/01/20 7:49] ***TV***: eg. no jeans
[2009/01/20 7:49] ***IM*** giggles and blushes
[2009/01/20 7:50] Pirate Russell has no real rules for that, but if ***IM*** will stand I will illustrate one of My STRONG preferences
[2009/01/20 7:50] ***SS***: Personally, I insist all my girls wear high heels, stillettos, or the like.
[2009/01/20 7:50] ***XD***: one strict one i have is respect me when i am working at a SL job online, don't embarrass me or show up as a puppy or tied up and gagged hopping around, that might get me fired... common sense rules like that, LOL
[2009/01/20 7:50] ***TV***: smiles. good preference
[2009/01/20 7:50] Pirate Russell HATES underwear and ESPECIALLY Glitch Pants!
[2009/01/20 7:50] ***IM*** whispers: Meep!
[2009/01/20 7:50] ***MK***looks to her heels
[2009/01/20 7:51] Pirate Russell: Come sit at My feet, little one
[2009/01/20 7:51] ***IM*** mutters "girl is going to stop asking questions."
[2009/01/20 7:52] ***IM*** smiles
[2009/01/20 7:52] ***SS***: heh. I TEACH classes with less on
[2009/01/20 7:52] Pirate Russell: He he
[2009/01/20 7:52] ***TV***: My strong preference in dress is for my subs to appear before me clad only in thigh high black hose and a silver belly chain.
[2009/01/20 7:52] ***IM*** grins
[2009/01/20 7:53] Pirate Russell: girl just might start attending them that way, as well!
[2009/01/20 7:53] Pirate Russell: Anything else?
[2009/01/20 7:53] ***SS***: Yes Miss pirate
[2009/01/20 7:54] Pirate Russell: er AnyONE else?
[2009/01/20 7:55] ***TV***: nods. good job
[2009/01/20 7:55] Pirate Russell: Well, in that case....
[2009/01/20 7:56] Pirate Russell: ....................................Class....
[2009/01/20 7:56] Pirate Russell: ....................................................................................DISMISSED!

Are you Experienced: Life and Style in D/s - 1/19/19

[7:08] Zealot Benmergui: The topic for today is "Are you Experienced: Life and Style in D/s”. Today we will look at the role that experience, both online and rl, plays in D/s relationships. Please note that for the purpose of clarity, I will tend to use “she” to refer to a submissive and “he” to refer to a Dominant, but either can be of any gender. Your humble lecturer WILL accept tips, but they must be paid to me directly, if you are so inclined, thank you.
[7:09] Zealot Benmergui: During a recent discussion, the concept of Experience was brought up and caused a small verbal fistfight which sadly did not result in nudity
[7:09] ***MM*** laughs
[7:09] Zealot Benmergui: However, it seemed like enough of an issue to merit a closer look.
[7:09] ***SL*** i can get nude
[7:09] ***MM*** shudders to think of some of those people nude
[7:09] Zealot Benmergui: In an essay I wrote a few years ago, I referred to the Online D/s scene (then in a text-based virtual world) as “a slutty single’s bar where no one is really all that slutty, no one is actually single and I can’t find the fucking bar…” That is still true today. Maybe even more true about D/s in Second Life. The very name of the world makes clear the essential conundrum. A Second Life implies that we all have First Lives, and some may even have Third or Fourth Lives.
[7:09] ***EA***: well...***SL***?
[7:10] ***SL*** Lollipop pinches Zeke
[7:10] ***EA*** turns to ***SL*** ..."SHHHHHH!!!!!!"
[7:10] ***EA***: THE SCARY MAN IS TALKING
[7:11] Zealot Benmergui thinks scary thoughts
[7:11] Zealot Benmergui: Of course the sane (or at least the saner) amongst us admit that what happens in our first lives have bearing on how we live our Second Lives. Relationships, families, jobs, health issues, restraining orders, end stage syphilis…all of these can and should have profound effects on the things that take place in this virtual asylum.
[7:11] ***SL*** Lollipop is terrified
[7:11] Zealot Benmergui: However, Second Life also must be somewhat distinct. If it isn’t, there is really not much point to it. For one thing, there are things we can do virtually that we can’t do in the real world. Fly for instance, or have anal sex with giant cockroaches wearing ball gowns and bigassed Dj headphones.
[7:11] ***SL*** mmm anal
[7:12] ***MS*** with giant cockroaches?
[7:12] ***MM*** passes on the cockroaches
[7:12] ***MS*** me too.
[7:12] Zealot Benmergui: nothing like a chick with a tight thorax
[7:12] ***AG***: lol
[7:12] ***LW***: no roaches here, please
[7:12] ***SL*** i prefer ponies
[7:12] ***MS*** lol
[7:12] ***SL*** or dogs. i heara dog
[7:12] ***UM***: damn, was just goinog to change into my cockroach alt
[7:12] Zealot Benmergui: Nice thing about fucking roaches...fuck one, count eight
[7:13] ***MS*** lmao
[7:13] ***SL*** ewww
[7:13] ***AG***: ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
[7:13] Zealot Benmergui: However, who we are and what we have done in our pasts, be they real or virtual, DOES have a very important impact on our relationships in Sl or really any world…the confusing and subjective beast called “Experience”. Experience can take on many forms, and it seems to be viewed as a highly desirable trait for both Masters and submissive in SL. Before we look at that and consider if it is all it’s cracked up to be, let’s think about the different sorts of experience that are relevant to a D/s relationship.
[7:14] Zealot Benmergui: There is experience in BDSM, experience as Dom or a sub, or Experience as in "served 5-9 consecutive in Joliet"
[7:14] ***MM***: which may be similar depending....
[7:14] Zealot Benmergui: totally depends on the cell block
[7:15] Zealot Benmergui: and how good you are at making knives out of your own feces and chalk dust
[7:15] ***LW***: eww
[7:15] ***XD***: lol
[7:15] ***AG***: double ewwwwwwwwwwwwww
[7:15] Zealot Benmergui: There was a time when it was rare to find anyone with rl experience in the online community due to the fact it was perceived as being less then serious. These days however there is less of a stigma, especially since many people in the lifestyle in RL have realized what a resource the online world is for locating potential playmates. Therefore more and more people you meet online may have experience in either RL D/s relationships or BDSM clubs and organizations in real life.
[7:16] ***SL*** Lollipop throws up a little bit in my mouth
[7:16] Zealot Benmergui: However, Experience must always be taken with a grain of salt when online. anyone can say in their Profile they have “RL Experience”…”I have been a RL Dominant for 57 years and have at various times collared such celebrities as Jodie Foster, Pope John Paul II and Wayne Newton. I sweat Dominance, eating psychological torment on my cornflakes every morning. I have perfecting orgasm denial to the point that everyone on my mother sends me SMSes from the nursing home for permission to cum. When I want to cross the street, traffic doesn’t stop, it kneels and begs to suck my manroot…”
[7:16] Zealot Benmergui: *and
[7:16] ***SL*** Lollipop laughs
[7:16] ***LW***: OMG
[7:17] ***MM***: that was oddly erotic....
[7:17] ***AG*** snickers
[7:17] Zealot Benmergui: Of course, as with most things on Profiles….go prove it. Sadly there is no International Standards Board for Doms. No American Union of Sodomists and Skullfuckers Local 215. You can’t get certified in Advanced Duct Tape, though Girl Scouting used to give a merit badge in Scoutmaster Teasing. Therefore accepting a stranger’s claim of being Experienced at face value takes a small leap of faith.
[7:17] Zealot Benmergui: Often time that is a small leap off a large cliff...
[7:18] Zealot Benmergui: Claims may be made, group affiliations listed, former sub/Doms named, notes from your mother and/or prison matron produced….none of it really matters. Ultimately, regarding experience, the proof is in the penis. It is quite easy to tell who actually has experience based on the way they act and speak and treat the people around them, be they Dom or sub, Vanilla or bent as raspberry omelet. In the words of Dr. Emilio Lizardo, Character is what we are in the dark.
[7:18] ***LW***: to some people, r10 years l expereince means they read the books when they were 25 and then reread them for 10 years.
[7:20] Zealot Benmergui: YOu can always tell people who learned to be subs from the Beauty books...they are always oiling each other
[7:20] ***LW***: rofl
[7:20] ***MM***: lol I like those books though
[7:20] Zealot Benmergui: Since EVEN IF someone has Experience up the yin yang..”Yes, I was the first person to cum while tied in a half nelson and dangled from the Brooklyn bridge in a high wind…I got jism all over half of the five boroughs that day”…that doesn’t mean they are any good. Experience IS NOT skill, and should not be confused with it. No one ever became celibate because they were a lousy lay. Sad, but true.
[7:20] ***UM***: and slippiing off of each other
[7:20] ***LW***: lo
[7:21] Zealot Benmergui: Reading them is great..assuming they are D/s bibles are more problematic
[7:21] ***MM*** nods
[7:21] ***SL*** haha nite
[7:22] Zealot Benmergui: As to the usefullness of experience, I would venture a radical concept...that as far as ONLINE D/s is concerned, rl experience is a little bit useless...in fact it can often be misleading.
[7:23] Zealot Benmergui: ONLINE experience is more relevant to Online relationships, since so many of the things we go through in the online community may be similar to RL, but by nessecity are unique...it has become it's own sort of experienmce.
[7:24] Zealot Benmergui: If you are seeking an ONline Master or sub with experience, I would say you are better off seeing one with years spent in online communities rather then just RL...but as always, a mix of the two is nice.
[7:24] Zealot Benmergui: And of course...all of this makes one massive assumotion. That experience is needed, or even always good, in a D/S partner or playmate online.
[7:25] Zealot Benmergui: I have know several successful couples who both learned about D/s together, neither having experience.
[7:26] Zealot Benmergui: There is a great deal to be said for a willingness to learn as opposed to Experience, since often times Experience simply means you are trying to unlearn past lessons and mistakes
[7:26] Zealot Benmergui: They say that generals are always fighting the last war...I would say that Doms can also have a tendency to always be fucking their last sub
[7:26] ***MS*** Experience brings a lot of jaded feelings with it sometimes
[7:27] ***NS***: plus each sub is different
[7:27] Zealot Benmergui: They are to a degree trapped by their experience, by their expectations and assumptions.
[7:27] Zealot Benmergui: *nods..Exactly.
[7:28] Zealot Benmergui: The other drawback to Experience is the classic Catch 22...if everyone wants a sub with Experience, how is a new submissive supposed to gain any? Sitting at home flogging themselves in front of the mirror?
[7:28] ***NA***: lol
[7:28] ***AG***: quite a picture, that
[7:29] Zealot Benmergui: Calling the next door neighbor Master..or their Rageddy Andy doll?
[7:29] Zealot Benmergui: Experience can be a good thing, but it can be hard to gain, and carry it's own pitfalls.
[7:30] Zealot Benmergui: In short, I think their are many traits that should be looked for before Experience. Openess, a willingless to learn and be fully involved, not to mention whatever things you each seek in a Master or sub, to suit your ownn tastes
[7:30] Zealot Benmergui: Experience can ALWAYS be gained
[7:32] Zealot Benmergui: All of this is a somewhat long winded response to a statement made in the last lecture, that verified experience is essential in a DOM. I feel that 1) Experince is NOT required, 2) That experience cannot be verified, and 3) fucking giant insects really CAN be hot depending on if it has a sexy voice or not.
[7:32] ***MM*** laughs
[7:32] ***XD***: lol
[7:32] ***UM***: goingi back to the closet for that cockroach alt now!!
[7:33] Zealot Benmergui: and with that, we now open the floor to questions, comments, arguments, and random grunting noises
[7:33] Zealot Benmergui: plus, if any of you care to mate then bite the male's head off, feel free, we'll make popcorn
[7:33] ***AG***: yikes
[7:33] ***UM***: btw - that last remark was made in a deep sexy voice
[7:33] ***SL*** Lollipop grunts
[7:33] ***MM***: lol
[7:34] ***AG***: mmmmmmmmmmm
[7:34] Zealot Benmergui: Firsst, how many of you feel you have rl experience?
[7:34] Zealot Benmergui: Raise your left front mandible if you do
[7:34] ***SL*** i was abducted by aliens once
[7:34] ***AG***: so where does one go to figure out how to use all of the, ummmm, "equipment" etc I see around SL??
[7:34] ***MM*** looks around for her mandible
[7:35] Zealot Benmergui: Once Seks?..you're too modest
[7:35] ***SL*** Lollipop blushes
[7:35] ***UM***: i agree, Zealot - openmindedness and a willingness to experiment are more critical than a set agenda
[7:35] ***MM***: I agree to an extent
[7:35] ***AG***: yeah, zero experience here
[7:35] ***UM***: and here too
[7:35] ***MS*** raises her left mandible
[7:35] Zealot Benmergui: The equipment in Sl is usually best learned by trial and error
[7:36] ***NS***: spider
[7:36] ***MM***: the equipment irl is NOT
[7:36] Zealot Benmergui: but when testing new gear in a club or the store..i advise you to wear clothing
[7:36] ***AG***: hehehehe
[7:36] ***MS*** haha
[7:36] ***UM***: good point!
[7:36] ***XD***: i don't have a lot of RL exp, but I do have some.. and its creaping its way into my current Rl relationship at the moment too
[7:36] Zealot Benmergui: no...RL is something else completely, and is a totally different lecture
[7:36] ***MM***: and that is where I disagree to an extent...online sure...experience isn't necessary although I can save you having to suffer through alot of posturing
[7:37] ***MM***: but irl I won't consider being with someone without experience again
[7:37] Zealot Benmergui: nods...I was referring strictly to Online Mali..RL is another animal
[7:37] ***MM*** smiles
[7:37] ***MM***: yes Master
[7:37] ***SL*** punish her!
[7:37] ***AG***: lol
[7:37] ***MM*** gags ***SL***
[7:37] ***SL*** Lollipop laughs
[7:37] ***SL*** mmphphmmph
[7:38] Zealot Benmergui: IN RL, takingon an inexperienced DOm, especially if your tastes are more to the extreme, can be like hiring a rookie chainsaw juggler...someone is going to lose a limb.
[7:38] Zealot Benmergui: ONline however, it is a different matter
[7:38] Zealot Benmergui: especially as many people come to the lifestyle online to explore or learn if it suits them
[7:38] ***MM***: yes
[7:38] ***MM***: but even online you have to unlearn all that crap they read on the net
[7:39] ***MM***: that says asshole = Dom
[7:39] ***XD***: so.. are we only talking about online exp ?
[7:39] ***AG***: those two reallllllllllly nicely equiped rooms here off the main dance floor, are they usable by anybody??
[7:39] ***MS*** no the inexperienced Dom was ONline. The experience was RL
[7:39] ***MS*** (i think)
[7:39] ***MM***: not unless you want to be claimed
[7:39] Zealot Benmergui: That gets fuzzy Miss ***XD***..rl experience CAN be helpful online..for one thing, you don;t sound like a total dork
[7:39] Zealot Benmergui: "Umm..which end of this riding crop is the crop part, and which is the riding?"
[7:40] ***MS*** haha
[7:40] ***XD*** has both online and offline exp
[7:40] ***LW***: back sorry
[7:40] ***MM***: wb
[7:40] Zealot Benmergui: You can try them out Miss ***AG***,. but yes, be prepared for just about anyone to jump onto the poseball, and into you.
[7:41] ***SL*** yeah esp if i'm around
[7:41] ***AG***: hhhhmmmmmmmmm
[7:41] Zealot Benmergui: or find a likely test subjectin the club anbd ask them to help you out
[7:41] ***AG***: or bring my own friend along
[7:41] Zealot Benmergui: That works well too
[7:41] Zealot Benmergui: or make a new friend that way
[7:41] ***MM***: the difference between someone with experience and without CAN be (not always, some people remain clueless) that they know THEMSELVES better and what they seek....other experience is only as good as the person you were last with imo
[7:42] Zealot Benmergui: "Oh dear.,.I am trapped on this poseball with my ankles around my ears and my tender parts exposed..OH HELP ME..HELP
[7:42] ***XD***: lol
[7:42] ***MS*** Elitism where D/s is concerned is scary shit
[7:42] ***MM*** laughs
[7:42] Zealot Benmergui: nods..Quite right Mali..experience rl can certainly help you know what you want online, and what to avoid
[7:43] ***MM***: well how this topic came up was a bold assertion that if you aren't openly in the l/s irl you aren't experienced or you have to PROVE rl experience
[7:43] Zealot Benmergui: Elitism always exists to one degree or another...simple word of mouth and gossip will tell you who is worth your time and lingerie, and who isn't
[7:44] ***AG*** would NOT want to waste good lingerie
[7:44] Zealot Benmergui: nods...it was implied that you needed to be in a BDSM club or group so as to have people vouch for your kinkiness
[7:44] ***LW***: I have close to 15 years experience in the lifestyle, but I was an online noob to BDSM. I have computer experience, but not BDSM experience. it is a totally different experience. in RL a thought or expression can be made with body language and a look of the eyes, with online, you better be able to communicate effectively or else your message is lost.
[7:44] ***MM***: obviously, giving out a list of former lovers outs them to people they don't know...so this sentiment of proving things is ridiculous
[7:45] Zealot Benmergui: "Oh yeah, Dan? Kinky as shit man...once I say him do this trick with a bowling ball, a nerf football and three cheerleaders..WOW
[7:45] Zealot Benmergui: Amazed he got that nerf back
[7:45] ***LW***:
[7:45] Zealot Benmergui: not to mention darling...former lovers LIE
[7:46] ***MM***: true
[7:46] ***LW*** giggles.
[7:46] ***XD***: nods
[7:46] ***MM***: and many of those "groups" are nothing but drama and dogma
[7:46] ***MM***: and THAT can be the big difference in experience...many new people believe a bunch of crap about d/s
[7:46] Zealot Benmergui: Show up, talk pretencious shit, eat cookies, look at Madge being felt up by her husband, leave
[7:47] ***MM***: and learn over time there are no rules other than consent and you really shouldn't call ever female around you "girl" or send IMs saying "on your knees bitch" to people you don't know
[7:47] ***LW***: the first thing a sub should learn is there is nocomplete RIGHT answer.. there is a right answer for YOU
[7:47] ***MM***: every*
[7:47] ***MM***: however, lol, I do enjoy those IMs
[7:48] Zealot Benmergui sighs, remembering the days when On Your Knees, BITCH was a freindly greeting
[7:48] ***LW***: heh
[7:48] ***SL*** on your knees bitchgirl.
[7:48] ***MM***: fell free to IM me that any time Master
[7:48] ***SL*** oops wrong window
[7:48] ***NS***: laughs but it comes back to the point that each sub is different
[7:48] ***MM***: of course and that may work for some
[7:48] ***MM***: but assuming that's appropriate is a seriously flawed assumption
[7:48] Zealot Benmergui: if I called you bitch, you would get on your knees, but you would be giggling too hard to do anything else
[7:48] ***UM***: why is everyone suddenly on ther knees, ***SL***?
[7:48] ***MM***: the whole subs are less line of newbie thinking
[7:49] ***SL*** i'm tough
[7:49] Zealot Benmergui: again, one of the best parts of experi3ence is you usually don;t feel the need to make every nice looking avatar with her ass showing submit to you
[7:50] Zealot Benmergui: note I said Usually
[7:50] ***XD***: lol
[7:50] ***SL*** Lollipop pulls down my skirt
[7:50] ***MM***: there are certainly dogmatic ridiculous people out there with rl and online experience though
[7:50] ***MS*** so many subtle nuances can attract. avatars mean nothing, just a pile of pixels.
[7:50] ***MM***: so it really comes down to the person
[7:50] ***MM***: and the relationship
[7:50] ***MS*** it is nice to look at a good one, though.
[7:51] Zealot Benmergui: nods..which brings us back to the point that it is ALL subjective..experience is nice, but not required..a hot AV is nice, but not required...
[7:52] Zealot Benmergui: it boilds down to relationship..either there is a connection or there is not
[7:52] ***MM***: which are not really d/s concepts at all...start with the basics.....relationship stuff
[7:52] Zealot Benmergui: that connection can be love, or lust, or just a desire not to masterbate alone that night...either way. it's all good..and all individual
[7:53] Zealot Benmergui: So don;t ignore experience, rl or online..but don;t assume you need it....explore, learn, and enjoy whatever you do
[7:53] Zealot Benmergui: and throw that RAID shit away
[7:54] ***MM*** laughs
[7:54] ***SL*** too late
[7:54] ***MM***: this may not be timely...but Master...I did tell you sex with bugs was a hard limit right?
[7:54] ***MM*** grins
[7:55] ***SL*** i know a hot grasshopper
[7:55] ***MS*** haha
[7:55] Zealot Benmergui: The discussion can continue, just want to get some business complete before I uncollar mali
[7:55] ***AG***: hahahahaa okay, whats a hard limit?? are there soft limits too??
[7:55] ***MM*** laughs
[7:55] Zealot Benmergui: Remember, your lecturer DOES accept tips and has no dignity
[7:56] Zealot Benmergui: Second, my next lecture at House of V will be Monday morning, 00:30 AM SLT, and be on Alternate Alternate Lifestyles: Furry Goreans in Love.
[7:56] ***SL*** thank you mali!
[7:56] Zealot Benmergui: Sorry, Thursday
[7:56] Zealot Benmergui: not Monday
[7:56] ***XD***: furry goreans. lol
[7:57] ***AG*** plans to bring her lint brush
[7:57] Zealot Benmergui: +5 Curry Comb of Looting
[7:58] ***SL*** woof
[7:58] Zealot Benmergui: has anyone had a truly horrible experience with an inexperienced Dom or sub?
[7:58] ***MM***: every Im I get here, yes
[7:58] ***MM*** laughs
[7:58] ***LW***: you know experience is important, but if you find your match and they do not have the experience...don't let that stop you fromexploring with them...I am glad I did not let it stop me!
[7:58] Zealot Benmergui: I agree completely
[7:59] ***RV***: lol - all my horrible experiences were with experienced people
[7:59] Zealot Benmergui: And what Mali, you aren;t turned on by "You Hot woman, me want make hard sex in UR cunt?
[7:59] ***LW***: many can 'talk the talk' but the most important thing is 'walking the walk' if it feels right, and both are agreeable, go for it!!!
[8:00] ***MM*** laughs
[8:00] ***MM***: yeah that used to be true...now it's pretty much anyone that isn't you wanting sex from me
[8:01] ***SL*** awww
[8:01] Zealot Benmergui: ok, you can have your collar back...but ixnay on the anti ugsbay
[8:02] ***MM***: unfortunately often times No isn't an answer they will hear until you wrap it around their heads with your foot
[8:02] Zealot Benmergui: some things are the same, be it rl or SL
[8:02] ***SL*** just like a part time librarian
[8:02] Zealot Benmergui: Hey. I'm a part time librarian too
[8:03] ***SL*** awesome!
[8:03] ***MM***: LOL
[8:04] ***LW***: also, no matter how vanilla someone appears, or looks, does not have anything to do with their level of kink, BTW. ;)
[8:04] Zealot Benmergui: And with that, I will bid you all farewell and good luck