Jealousy - 11/14/08

[2008/11/14 13:07] Pirate Russell: Ok, please take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[2008/11/14 13:08] Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! As most of y'all know, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor. I have been in SL for 3 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[2008/11/14 13:08] ***PM***: Mistress you did not answer my question
[2008/11/14 13:08] Pirate Russell: For any that need to leave early, all transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2008/11/14 13:08] Pirate Russell: We can talk after class ***PM***
[2008/11/14 13:08] ***PM***: ty i look forward to it.
[2008/11/14 13:08] Pirate Russell: DISCLAIMER: I have no training or schooling in Psychology, Psichiatry, or Counseling of ANY kind! All of My observations are from My real life and what I've found on the web
[2008/11/14 13:09] Pirate Russell: If you are having problems dealing with Jealousy, PLEASE PLEASE contact a competent professional!
[2008/11/14 13:09] Pirate Russell: Jealousy typically refers to the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that occur when a person believes a valued relationship is being threatened by a rival.
[2008/11/14 13:09] Pirate Russell: Dr. Jennifer James, author of "Women and the Blues: Passions That Hurt, Passions That Heal", wrote:
[2008/11/14 13:09] Pirate Russell: "Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you.
[2008/11/14 13:10] Pirate Russell: There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck.
[2008/11/14 13:10] Pirate Russell: Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences."
[2008/11/14 13:10] Pirate Russell: Jealousy is an emotion that can be very damaging to ANY relationship. It can also prevent you from growing emotionally.
[2008/11/14 13:11] Pirate Russell: It is not the same thing as envy. Jealousy wants what someone else has. Envy is when you don't want someone else to have what you don't have.
[2008/11/14 13:11] Pirate Russell: If a person is jealous, they already have what is desired but they are afraid of losing it.
[2008/11/14 13:11] Pirate Russell: When you are feeling jealous, you are undergoing an emotional combination of anger, dependency, hurt, and self doubt. When you spend time focusing on what you are not, this is a result of insecurity.
[2008/11/14 13:12] Pirate Russell: Sometimes when we are afraid of losing something, we actually cause it to happen because of our actions and behaviors.
[2008/11/14 13:12] Pirate Russell: All our thoughts and actions are centered around our fears and insecurities. This causes more fear and insecurity. These feelings cause other harmful feelings and may result in us indulging in self pity.
[2008/11/14 13:12] Pirate Russell: What are some ways of dealing with jealousy?
[2008/11/14 13:12] Pirate Russell: * Develop independence. We need to be sure we are not overly dependant on any one person. We need to focus on the good things we have and not on what we don't have.
[2008/11/14 13:13] Pirate Russell: * Focus on developing more confidence and attractiveness. Sometimes something simple like getting our hair done or changing our style of clothing can help.
[2008/11/14 13:13] Pirate Russell: Taking a course on self esteem or assertiveness is also beneficial.
[2008/11/14 13:14] Pirate Russell: * Be honest with yourself. Sit down with paper and list things that are making you jealous. Look at it objectively. Are these things silly or trivial or are they really important?
[2008/11/14 13:14] Pirate Russell: * Communicate with the person who is the object of your jealousy. Tell them your feelings. Is that person doing something that is causing you to be jealous? Letting them know can often help the problem.
[2008/11/14 13:14] Pirate Russell: If this other person cares for you, they will work on changing the behavior that is adding to your jealousy. Being aware of your feelings can also help you cope better.
[2008/11/14 13:15] Pirate Russell: Realize that jealousy shows your lack of self esteem and uncertainty of your own worth. Work on taking a really good self evaluation.
[2008/11/14 13:15] Pirate Russell: This experience can be a wonderful learning opportunity for you. Work on communication with other people. Work on developing confidence.
[2008/11/14 13:15] Pirate Russell: * Study your rival. Look closely at the person you are jealous about. What do you like and dislike about the person? Are his or her qualities beyond your abilities? Be sure you are not being unrealistic about that person. Are you seeing things as they
[2008/11/14 13:15] Pirate Russell: Take control of your feelings. Terminate the relationship if nothing else seems to work. Take the time to concentrate on your own growth. Work at trying to understand and improve your relationship.
[2008/11/14 13:16] Pirate Russell: * Do not overreact. Remember, most incidents are temporary so don't magnify what happened.
[2008/11/14 13:16] Pirate Russell: Serious jealousy stems from a fear of loss, reputation, control of ourselves, our spouses, or relationships. Losing control of our emotions and feelings will only make things worse.
[2008/11/14 13:16] Pirate Russell: Bad reactions to Jealousy can even cause legal problems. I spent almoust 7 years as a Public Safety Telecommunications Officer (Big words for 911 Dispatcher).
[2008/11/14 13:17] Pirate Russell: Not one shift went by where I didn't deal with a seriuos domestic problem. Most, I'd wager, stemmed from jealousy. How many of us have read this in or local or national news media, "If I can't have him/her, then nobody can!" I've know that many people
[2008/11/14 13:17] Pirate Russell: I, for one, don't want to be someplace I'm not wanted. That's not fun for Me!
[2008/11/14 13:18] Pirate Russell: Likewise, I dont' force anyone, particularly My submissives to be with Me if they're not having fun.
[2008/11/14 13:20] Pirate Russell: ***Ok, I'm going to copy and paste, seems the lag has pretty much stopped My SpeakEasy DEAD***
[2008/11/14 13:20] Pirate Russell: This is part of My Primary rule, that real life comes first, if you're not having fun, let's go do something that is, together or apart!
[2008/11/14 13:20] Pirate Russell: I do get jealous sometimes. My girls have significant others with whom they spend time. I INSIST that they do! One has a boyfriend, one a girl friend, and another a girl of her own.
[2008/11/14 13:20] Pirate Russell: I miss them when they're not around, I am envious of the time they spend away, but I want them to have fun.
[2008/11/14 13:20] ***PM***: what is Mistress into
[2008/11/14 13:21] Pirate Russell: Knowing they're having fun makes it all ok for Me. I want My girls, My friends, My acquaintences, and even most of My enemies to have fun.
[2008/11/14 13:21] Pirate Russell: ***PM***, I'm into teaching this class now
[2008/11/14 13:21] Pirate Russell: By having other friends, they've places to go have fun when I'm alone with one of the other girls. Even when I'm alone with one, I envy the time that the others spend away.
[2008/11/14 13:21] ***PM***: oh sorry though it was comming to an end
[2008/11/14 13:22] Pirate Russell: Class will end around 2 or a little after, please respect the others that are here to learn
[2008/11/14 13:22] Pirate Russell: I'm going to close today with one of My very favorite quotes on the subject, by Robert A Heinlein,
[2008/11/14 13:22] ***KM***: sure shut up plz or leave
[2008/11/14 13:22] Pirate Russell: "Love" is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own... Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy."
[2008/11/14 13:22] Pirate Russell: Citations:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jealousy
http://www.allaboutlifechallenges.org/dealing-with-jealousy-faq.htm
http://www.todays-woman.net/quoteid-2304.html
http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/r/robert_a_heinlein.html
[2008/11/14 13:23] Pirate Russell: Questions???? Comments?
[2008/11/14 13:23] Pirate Russell: SpeakEasy HUD detaching...
[2008/11/14 13:23] ***PM***: yes is this over
[2008/11/14 13:24] ***ML*** moves away so she gets a good shot at him
[2008/11/14 13:25] Pirate Russell: Not to worry ***ML***, I'm not a violent person when I'm working! he he
[2008/11/14 13:25] ***IM***: It seems that no matter how much one loves, there is still a jealousy, are the two exclusive?
[2008/11/14 13:25] ***ML***: (( giggles ))
[2008/11/14 13:26] Pirate Russell: I see the two as almost a double edged sword, love on onside almost needs a little jealousy, and without at least some love there can be no jealousy
[2008/11/14 13:26] ***IM***: So it's more a mis-directed love?
[2008/11/14 13:27] ***PM***: i would love to have you tied and gagged to teast and play with
[2008/11/14 13:27] Pirate Russell: ***PM***, I'm going to ask you one more time to confine your comments to the class or ask you to leave
[2008/11/14 13:28] Pirate Russell: Well, as I quoted earlier, it's a feeling that you're not worth the relationshiop you have
[2008/11/14 13:29] Pirate Russell: Dr. Jennifer James, wrote:
"Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you.
[2008/11/14 13:29] Pirate Russell: However if you don't have the relationship already, you cannot be Jealous
[2008/11/14 13:29] ***AG***: wonders if the bat works here
[2008/11/14 13:30] ***AG***: just tell me when
[2008/11/14 13:30] Pirate Russell: ***AG***, please no weapons at HoV
[2008/11/14 13:30] ***AG***: smiles
[2008/11/14 13:31] Pirate Russell: Any other questions, comments on the subject at hand?
[2008/11/14 13:32] ***PM***: for somereason class is getting smaller
[2008/11/14 13:32] ***PM***: your not holding their interest
[2008/11/14 13:32] ***ML***: I found that in a relationship .. If the other was jealous .. It was nothing you can do ...they have to find Value in them self .. It will only make the relationship better . Speaking of real life that is
[2008/11/14 13:33] Pirate Russell: thank you for your concern ***PM***
[2008/11/14 13:33] ***SF***: I have a sub who is very jealous, she allways looks bad at other girls, but I don't want her to feel bad. Somehow, it's fun to play with that jealusy, tease her, but she gets dramatic soon. Any advice for her to stand other girls?
[2008/11/14 13:33] ***PM***: maybe we can give a bondage deinstration you as subject
[2008/11/14 13:33] Pirate Russell: That's true ***ML***, if you're not the jealous one, you can bend over backwards, some, but hen the relationship is compromised
[2008/11/14 13:33] Pirate Russell: Good bye, ***PM***
[2008/11/14 13:34] ***XD***: I had a Master once that would constantly create situations of jealousy
[2008/11/14 13:34] Pirate Russell: yes, but then they get whiney and clingy, ***SF***, and that really is not a fun person t obe around
[2008/11/14 13:34] ***ML***: Thank you Pirate ... he had to go
[2008/11/14 13:37] Pirate Russell: Next comment, question.... dirty joke?
[2008/11/14 13:38] ***CV***: lol
[2008/11/14 13:39] ***IM***: Does envy come from the same sort of lack of self-esteem?
[2008/11/14 13:39] Pirate Russell: Yes, envy is not wanting someone else to have what you DON'T have. they are VERY similiar, but Envy for Me is tougher, cuz I don't have what I don't have
[2008/11/14 13:41] Pirate Russell: er dont' have what I want!
[2008/11/14 13:41] Pirate Russell: For instance, I'm jealous when hubby takes My truck, when I see a new hummer, I'm envious
[2008/11/14 13:42] Pirate Russell: WB, ***KC***
[2008/11/14 13:42] ***KC*** smiles
[2008/11/14 13:42] ***IM*** giggles
[2008/11/14 13:42] ***ML***: I design and when i walk around the malls see a Great out fit or design I go damnit why can't i get one made like that I do envy that they got it done .... It just make me get my back up and force me back to makeing it Shugs
[2008/11/14 13:42] Pirate Russell: If you don't wallow in them, pretty much EVERY emotion is useful.
[2008/11/14 13:42] ***IM***: so envy can be positive, as a motivator?
[2008/11/14 13:42] Pirate Russell: Hell, pain tells us to keep our finger off the hot stove! it's good for something
[2008/11/14 13:43] Hanni Arida: my apologies I have to fly bye
[2008/11/14 13:43] ***IM*** nods
[2008/11/14 13:43] Pirate Russell: Ok, hanni, don't forget the transcripts, http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2008/11/14 13:44] Pirate Russell: Drug addicts get, well, adicted to the euphoria of the drug, so constant euphoria isn't good either!
[2008/11/14 13:45] Pirate Russell: I guess the best we can hope for is a good ballance of pain and euphoria, though the amounts are different for everyone
[2008/11/14 13:45] ***ML*** Makes a self Note keep ass out of range of Mistress Lynn
[2008/11/14 13:45] ***LM*** looks at ***ML***
[2008/11/14 13:46] ***ML***: *laughs*
[2008/11/14 13:47] ***AG***: sure
[2008/11/14 13:47] ***CV***: Something that someone told me once that he tells his girls.
[2008/11/14 13:47] ***CV***: you are one of 5 ..but you are my only..(whatever her name was).
[2008/11/14 13:48] ***CV***: He felt that helped them, as did they.
[2008/11/14 13:48] ***IM*** smiles
[2008/11/14 13:48] Pirate Russell: I have 7 rules for My girls, My 7th addresses this, actually: Rule 7) Enjoy being SEXUALLY MOLESTED by Me, knowing that the girl is not My only pet, friend or plaything, and that she may be shared with her sisters, and My friends!
[2008/11/14 13:48] ***CV***: he reneforced that they are all unique to him.
[2008/11/14 13:48] ***SF***: the problem comes when you have two subs that by their own will are white tigers -_-
[2008/11/14 13:49] ***BH*** blushes
[2008/11/14 13:49] Pirate Russell: Yes, but willfullness can be handled MANY ways
[2008/11/14 13:49] ***CV***: i think it would help not to be restricted too as you do Pirate.
[2008/11/14 13:50] Pirate Russell: Yes, none of My girls are restricted, and if they are, it's a short term thing
[2008/11/14 13:50] ***CV*** smiles
[2008/11/14 13:51] ***KC***: being the only girl for a long time and that having to accept another has been very difficult for girl. any suggestions how to overcome that
[2008/11/14 13:51] Pirate Russell: In fact, My wife, in a previous avi ASKED to be restricted, and I caught her cheating. The only reason I restricted her is she asked for it.
[2008/11/14 13:51] ***CV***: I don't understand that.
[2008/11/14 13:52] ***SF***: neither I why would she cheat if asked you to restrict her?
[2008/11/14 13:52] Pirate Russell: I didn't either, I'd ALWAYS been open with her, I think she wanted to 'cheat' fro the thrill,
[2008/11/14 13:52] Pirate Russell: I wasn't mad she was with another, only that she violated the restriction
[2008/11/14 13:52] ***CV*** shakes her head and sighs
[2008/11/14 13:52] Pirate Russell: you see she wears My collar as well!
[2008/11/14 13:54] Pirate Russell: But we worked thru that LONG ago... just an illustration
[2008/11/14 13:54] ***CV*** smiles
[2008/11/14 13:54] Pirate Russell: That's a tough quesitno ***KC***,
[2008/11/14 13:55] Pirate Russell: we all get used to being an only, and it hurts to have to share. But with ***IM***, bunny and batla, I love them enough to want to see them happy.
[2008/11/14 13:56] Pirate Russell: They're My girls that I refered to wtih the boyfriend, er Fiancee, girl of her own, and girlfriend
[2008/11/14 13:58] ***KC***: at one point Mistress was considering another sub but girl got physically ill and She decided not to. girl wants Her to be happy but doens't know how to make that adjustment
[2008/11/14 13:58] Pirate Russell: And ***KC***, I do know girl's situation, and I dont' mean to make it sound easy.
[2008/11/14 13:58] ***ML***: we have to leave but thank you
[2008/11/14 13:58] ***ML***: by bye
[2008/11/14 13:58] Pirate Russell: Bye ***ML***
[2008/11/14 13:59] Pirate Russell: It's not, something I tend to do is just suck it up, hurt for a while, then basically get used to it!
[2008/11/14 14:00] Pirate Russell: Guess I try to concentrate on how I alredy have the relationship, and that they're out having fun
[2008/11/14 14:01] ***KC***: Miss does make it sound easy but girl knows it's not
[2008/11/14 14:02] ***KC***: at least not for this girl
[2008/11/14 14:02] Pirate Russell: It's not, I almost lost batla as a girl, and her girlfriend as a *close* friend over just this issue, so it's not just a subby thing, it's a human (and furry) thing
[2008/11/14 14:04] ***KC***: well the situation changed and girl is no longer faced with that situation but girl is happy about it. does that make girl a bad person
[2008/11/14 14:04] Pirate Russell: No, hun controling gilr's Mistress with the feelings.... emotional blackmail.... would make girl a bad person
[2008/11/14 14:05] Pirate Russell: at worst it points out a weakness
[2008/11/14 14:05] ***BH***: are you happy that you get more time or are you happy that your Miss didn't get another girl?
[2008/11/14 14:06] ***KC***: both girl thinks bunny
[2008/11/14 14:06] ***KC***: girl would hope that if Mistress was intent on another girl that girl would be able to suck it up so that Mistress would be happy
[2008/11/14 14:08] Pirate Russell haapens to know that girl's strong, or she'd not be a good submissive (that's ANOTHER class... he he) and wants nothing more than her Mistress' happiness
[2008/11/14 14:09] ***KC*** smiles at Miss
[2008/11/14 14:11] Pirate Russell: Well, if nobody has anything else, I'll dismiss class
[2008/11/14 14:11] ***KC***: thank You Miss for Your help
[2008/11/14 14:11] Pirate Russell: THAN you all for coming, remember transcripts will be up this weekend at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2008/11/14 14:11] ***SF***: very instructive class
[2008/11/14 14:11] ***AG***: ty Miss
[2008/11/14 14:11] ***KC***: excellent class Miss
[2008/11/14 14:11] ***AG***: bye A/all