House of V's College of Kink

Exhibiionism & Voyeurism - 11/4/09

2009-11-05T11:25:00.001-08:00

[2009/11/04 12:09] Pirate Russell: Ok, please take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[2009/11/04 12:09] Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! As most of y'all know, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor.
[2009/11/04 12:09] Pirate Russell: I have been in SL for 4 years and I've been a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[2009/11/04 12:09] ***LL*** wonders where the goat is that is getting raped
[2009/11/04 12:09] Pirate Russell: Today's subject is Exhibitionism and Voyeurism
[2009/11/04 12:09] Pirate Russell: EXHIBITIONISM
[2009/11/04 12:09] Pirate Russell: The classical definition of Exhibitionism, known variously as flashing, apodysophilia and Lady Godiva syndrome, is the psychological need and pattern of behavior
[2009/11/04 12:09] Pirate Russell: involving the exposure of parts of the body to another person with a tendency toward an extravagant, usually at least partially sexually inspired behavior
[2009/11/04 12:10] Pirate Russell: to attract the attention of another in an open display of bare "private parts" — i.e., parts of the human body which would otherwise be left covered under clothing in nearly all other cultural circumstances
[2009/11/04 12:10] Pirate Russell: such as ***AT***, here
[2009/11/04 12:10] Pirate Russell: Although neither a valid nor a reliable study, one research team asked a sample of 185 exhibitionists,
[2009/11/04 12:11] Pirate Russell: “How would you have preferred a person to react if you were to expose your privates to him or her?”
[2009/11/04 12:11] ***LL*** would like a copy of that list
[2009/11/04 12:11] Pirate Russell: The most common response was “Would want to have sexual intercourse” (35.1%)
[2009/11/04 12:11] Pirate Russell: "No reaction necessary at all” (19.5%)
[2009/11/04 12:11] Pirate Russell: “To show their privates also” (15.1%)
[2009/11/04 12:11] Pirate Russell: “Admiration” (14.1%)
[2009/11/04 12:11] Pirate Russell: “Any reaction” (11.9%)
[2009/11/04 12:11] Pirate Russell: “Anger and disgust” (3.8%)
[2009/11/04 12:11] Pirate Russell: “Fear” (0.5)
[2009/11/04 12:11] Pirate Russell: Various types of behavior is classified as exhibitionistic. These include:
[2009/11/04 12:12] Pirate Russell: * Flashing is the display by a woman of bare breasts with an up-and-down lifting of the shirt and/or bra, or the display by a man of his bare penis.
[2009/11/04 12:12] Pirate Russell: * Mooning is the display of one's bare buttocks — both in a sexual, exhibitionistic context (almost always by females) and also when done (usually by men) for shock value. In Australia and New Zealand this is sometimes known as a browneye.
[2009/11/04 12:12] ***LL***: omg
[2009/11/04 12:12] Pirate Russell: * Anasyrma is lifting up of one's skirt to expose bare genitals, for varied reasons, but most often to please the exhibitionist.
[2009/11/04 12:13] Pirate Russell: Classically, the part(s) of the body exposed when referring to "flashing" are bare female breasts and/or buttocks. In reality, however, flashing and exhibitionism more often involve the genitalia or buttocks of either gender.
[2009/11/04 12:13] Pirate Russell: Again, as demonstrated by ***AT***... he he
[2009/11/04 12:14] Pirate Russell: A "male flasher" stands in stark comparison to this definition as the latter usually refers to a male indecently exposing his penis to an unwilling observer.
[2009/11/04 12:14] ***TC***: ㋡
[2009/11/04 12:14] Pirate Russell: Women typically do not suffer such societal sanctions and are usually encouraged, even heavily paid, to engage in such behavior.
[2009/11/04 12:14] ***LL***: that's fair :)
[2009/11/04 12:14] Pirate Russell: Again, the classical and rigid concept paints with a broad brush and states, "Flashing is done as a momentary "thrill" to inflate the ego of the flasher while having the 'added bonus' of increasing the sexual arousal of the recipient(s)."
[2009/11/04 12:14] Pirate Russell: These stereotypical thought patterns include unproved beliefs that exhibitionists who view exhibitionism as a lifestyle as opposed to a rare thrill,
[2009/11/04 12:15] Pirate Russell: however, more carefully select their target audience and make the exposure brief, inconspicuous and apparently unintentional.
[2009/11/04 12:15] Pirate Russell: Some researchers invalidly postulate that all exhibitionism is, whether on the end of the giver or the receiver, ultimately a sexual fetish, many practitioners see it as an art form.
[2009/11/04 12:15] Pirate Russell: Far less criticized are night clubs and goth bars that encourage mild exhibitionism to enhance the venue's atmosphere. This all contrasts with non-sexualized social nudity, in which the exposure is not connected with sexual expression,
[2009/11/04 12:16] Pirate Russell: such as sunbathing or swimming at nude beaches or other participation in public nudity events where nudity is the norm. In short, the classical view of exhibitionism misses the mark by a wider margin than erroneous scientific claims about homosexuality.
[2009/11/04 12:16] Pirate Russell: Accordingly, points must be made that define the differences between rational and irrational exhibitionism.
[2009/11/04 12:16] Pirate Russell: *Rational exhibitionists display themselves sexually to other people, singly or in groups, in appropriate settings. This can be done consensually as part of swinging or group sex.
[2009/11/04 12:17] Pirate Russell: When not done threateningly, the intent is usually to please and sexually arouse the viewer, giving the recipient an erotic rush.
[2009/11/04 12:17] Pirate Russell: *Irrational exhibitionists like to expose themselves in front of large crowds, typically at sporting events, streaking, or even teaching a class.
[2009/11/04 12:17] Pirate Russell pats ***AT*** on the head
[2009/11/04 12:17] ***LL*** zooms in on ***AT***'s Anasyrma
[2009/11/04 12:17] Pirate Russell: A similar irrational phenomenon is when, at the conclusion of a sporting event, a woman may flash her breasts while sitting atop someone's shoulders in a dense crowd of people.
[2009/11/04 12:18] Pirate Russell: Rational and irrational exhibitionists like to use the internet to distribute their stories and pictures on websites, sometimes using webcam feeds and other amateur methods.
[2009/11/04 12:18] Pirate Russell: ::lushes and has done both.....
[2009/11/04 12:18] Pirate Russell: Blushes
[2009/11/04 12:18] Pirate Russell: As a major distinction, irrational exhibitionists attempt to sexually arouse the recipient by giving the impression that the exposure is "first time" and/or "innocent."
[2009/11/04 12:19] Pirate Russell: Rational exhibitionists, instead, require an invitation from the recipient.
[2009/11/04 12:19] ***TC*** giggles
[2009/11/04 12:19] ***LL*** is irrational ...sigh...
[2009/11/04 12:19] Pirate Russell: Irrational exhibitionists typically lack this type of self control.
[2009/11/04 12:19] ***AJ***: :-)
[2009/11/04 12:20] Pirate Russell: Feel free to be 'as irrational' as ***AT***, here! ;-)
[2009/11/04 12:20] Pirate Russell: Exhibitionistic behavior does not necessarily imply alterations of the psychiatric condition of the average, everyday individual, unless the individual does such actions compulsively
[2009/11/04 12:20] ***LL***: oh, i am too innocent for that Miss :D
[2009/11/04 12:20] ***TC***: im not
[2009/11/04 12:20] Pirate Russell rolls Her eyes, and continues
[2009/11/04 12:20] Pirate Russell: in an effort to grab the attention s/he feels entitled to yet does not get in other aspects of life
[2009/11/04 12:20] ***LL*** bites her cheek
[2009/11/04 12:20] Pirate Russell: In psychiatry, exhibitionism is only considered a paraphilia once the practice begins to interfere with the quality of life or normal functioning capacity of the individual.
[2009/11/04 12:20] ***TC*** flashes Miss Pirate her furry breasts
[2009/11/04 12:21] Pirate Russell: yay, for cheetah breasts!
[2009/11/04 12:21] Pirate Russell: However, if the exposing individual shows an aggressive or criminal behavior, that is indecent exposure and is a separate phenomenon from exhibitionism and flashing.
[2009/11/04 12:21] Pirate Russell: VOYEURISM
[2009/11/04 12:21] Pirate Russell: Voyeurism is the sexual interest in spying on people engaged in intimate behaviors, such as undressing, sexual activity, or urinating.
[2009/11/04 12:21] Pirate Russell: In some cultures, voyeurism is considered to be deviant and even a sex crime. In the United Kingdom, non-consensual voyeurism became a criminal offense.
[2009/11/04 12:22] Pirate Russell: However, some societies tolerate it depending upon the circumstances (e.g., adolescent "Peeping Toms" and the UK dogging craze). The stereotypical voyeur is male, although many women also enjoy being voyeurs.
[2009/11/04 12:22] ***TC*** whispers: like Miss Pirate was doing to me yesterday giggles
[2009/11/04 12:23] Pirate Russell: Exactly
[2009/11/04 12:23] ***AJ***: Dogging craze?
[2009/11/04 12:23] Pirate Russell: In the United States, video voyeurism is criminalized in nine states. The original case responsible for the criminalization has been made into a television movie called Video Voyeur and documents the criminalization of secret photography.
[2009/11/04 12:23] Pirate Russell: Criminal voyeurism statutes are related to invasion of privacy laws but are specific to unlawful surreptitious surveillance without consent and unlawful recordings
[2009/11/04 12:23] MystiTool HUD 1.3.1: Entering chat range: Darby Bradley (19m)
[2009/11/04 12:24] Pirate Russell: including the broadcast, dissemination, publication, or selling of recordings involving places and times when a person has a reasonable expectation of privacy and a reasonable supposition that he or she is not being photographed
[2009/11/04 12:24] Pirate Russell: or filmed by "any mechanical, digital or electronic viewing device, camera or any other instrument capable of recording, storing or transmitting visual images that can be utilized to observe a person."
[2009/11/04 12:24] Pirate Russell: While some think Voyeurism is a crime, or a perversion, some of us think it's just fun!
[2009/11/04 12:24] MystiTool HUD 1.3.1: Entering chat range: Manxmanin Blindside (19m)
[2009/11/04 12:25] Pirate Russell: Quesitons, Comments?
[2009/11/04 12:25] ***TC***: none yet Miss
[2009/11/04 12:25] Pirate Russell: Trancripts are again going to the blog at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2009/11/04 12:25] Pirate Russell: College of Kink classes Monday, Tuesday & Thursday @ 7a, and Friday 1p.
[2009/11/04 12:25] Pirate Russell: WRONG
[2009/11/04 12:25] Pirate Russell: Wed/Thur at noon
[2009/11/04 12:25] Pirate Russell: Y/you would always check the Search/Events and look for the word College
[2009/11/04 12:25] Pirate Russell: [ you have reached the end of the current notecard - resetting to first line... ]
[2009/11/04 12:26] ***TC***: giggles at Miss Pirate argueing with herself
[2009/11/04 12:27] ***LL***: lrelease
[2009/11/04 12:27] ***LL***: pardon...i have to help a client
[2009/11/04 12:27] ***TC***: not really Miss
[2009/11/04 12:28] ***TC***: *GIGGLES* :)~~~~
[2009/11/04 12:28] Pirate Russell: So, no questions??
[2009/11/04 12:28] Pirate Russell: No comments?!
[2009/11/04 12:28] ***KM***: Thank you very much for your presentation
[2009/11/04 12:29] BarbaraAnn Stromfield: Yes, thank you
[2009/11/04 12:29] ***TT***: Thank you Pirate and ***AT*** for the information
[2009/11/04 12:29] ***AJ***: ty
[2009/11/04 12:29] Pirate Russell: No more exhibitionists, that I can Voyeur?
[2009/11/04 12:29] Ele Andretti: Thank you
[2009/11/04 12:30] Pirate Russell: Well, Class dismissed, then!
[2009/11/04 12:30] ***TC***: ok
[2009/11/04 12:30] Pirate Russell: Thanks y'all for coming!
[2009/11/04 12:30] ***KM***: Your girl was quite an excellent display
[2009/11/04 12:30] ***TT***: you're welcome
[2009/11/04 12:30] ***TC***: i didnt cum yet Miss * ★ * LoOoL * ★ *
[2009/11/04 12:30] Pirate Russell: Sadly, she's not Mine, but yes, she is a cumly one!
[2009/11/04 12:31] Pirate Russell: ***AT***, I'll see you for office hours!
[2009/11/04 12:31] ***AJ***: (groan)
[2009/11/04 12:31] ***AT*** blushes

Exhibiionism & Voyeurism - 10/29/09

2009-11-03T08:36:00.000-08:00

[2009/10/29 12:05] Pirate Russell: Ok, please take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[2009/10/29 12:05] Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! As most of y'all know, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor.
[2009/10/29 12:05] Pirate Russell: I have been in SL for 4 years and I've been a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[2009/10/29 12:06] Pirate Russell: Today's subject is Exhibitionism and Voyeurism
[2009/10/29 12:06] Pirate Russell: EXHIBITIONISM
[2009/10/29 12:06] Pirate Russell: The classical definition of Exhibitionism, known variously as flashing, apodysophilia and Lady Godiva syndrome, is the psychological need and pattern of behavior
[2009/10/29 12:06] Pirate Russell: involving the exposure of parts of the body to another person with a tendency toward an extravagant, usually at least partially sexually inspired behavior
[2009/10/29 12:06] Pirate Russell: to attract the attention of another in an open display of bare "private parts" — i.e., parts of the human body which would otherwise be left covered under clothing in nearly all other cultural circumstances
[2009/10/29 12:07] Pirate Russell: Although neither a valid nor a reliable study, one research team asked a sample of 185 exhibitionists,
[2009/10/29 12:07] Pirate Russell: "How would you have preferred a person to react if you were to expose your privates to him or her?"
[2009/10/29 12:07] Pirate Russell: The most common response was "Would want to have sexual intercourse" (35.1%)
[2009/10/29 12:07] Pirate Russell: "No reaction necessary at all" (19.5%)
[2009/10/29 12:08] Pirate Russell: "To show their privates also" (15.1%)
[2009/10/29 12:08] Pirate Russell: "Admiration" (14.1%)
[2009/10/29 12:08] Pirate Russell: "Any reaction" (11.9%)
[2009/10/29 12:08] Pirate Russell: "Anger and disgust" (3.8%)
[2009/10/29 12:08] Pirate Russell: "Fear" (0.5)
[2009/10/29 12:08] Pirate Russell: Various types of behavior is classified as exhibitionistic. These include:
[2009/10/29 12:08] Pirate Russell: * Flashing is the display by a woman of bare breasts with an up-and-down lifting of the shirt and/or bra, or the display by a man of his bare penis.
[2009/10/29 12:08] Pirate Russell: * Mooning is the display of one's bare buttocks — both in a sexual, exhibitionistic context (almost always by females) and also when done (usually by men) for shock value. In Australia and New Zealand this is sometimes known as a browneye.
[2009/10/29 12:09] Pirate Russell: * Anasyrma is lifting up of one's skirt to expose bare genitals, for varied reasons, but most often to please the exhibitionist.
[2009/10/29 12:09] Pirate Russell: Classically, the part(s) of the body exposed when referring to "flashing" are bare female breasts and/or buttocks. In reality, however, flashing and exhibitionism more often involve the genitalia or buttocks of either gender.
[2009/10/29 12:10] Pirate Russell: A "male flasher" stands in stark comparison to this definition as the latter usually refers to a male indecently exposing his penis to an unwilling observer.
[2009/10/29 12:10] Pirate Russell: Women typically do not suffer such societal sanctions and are usually encouraged, even heavily paid, to engage in such behavior.
[2009/10/29 12:10] Pirate Russell: Again, the classical and rigid concept paints with a broad brush and states, "Flashing is done as a momentary "thrill" to inflate the ego of the flasher while having the 'added bonus' of increasing the sexual arousal of the recipient(s)."
[2009/10/29 12:10] Pirate Russell: These stereotypical thought patterns include unproved beliefs that exhibitionists who view exhibitionism as a lifestyle as opposed to a rare thrill,
[2009/10/29 12:11] Pirate Russell: however, more carefully select their target audience and make the exposure brief, inconspicuous and apparently unintentional.
[2009/10/29 12:11] Pirate Russell: Some researchers invalidly postulate that all exhibitionism is, whether on the end of the giver or the receiver, ultimately a sexual fetish, many practitioners see it as an art form.
[2009/10/29 12:11] Pirate Russell: Far less criticized are night clubs and goth bars that encourage mild exhibitionism to enhance the venue's atmosphere. This all contrasts with non-sexualized social nudity, in which the exposure is not connected with sexual expression,
[2009/10/29 12:12] Pirate Russell: such as sunbathing or swimming at nude beaches or other participation in public nudity events where nudity is the norm. In short, the classical view of exhibitionism misses the mark by a wider margin than erroneous scientific claims about homosexuality.
[2009/10/29 12:12] Pirate Russell: Accordingly, points must be made that define the differences between rational and irrational exhibitionism.
[2009/10/29 12:12] Pirate Russell: *Rational exhibitionists display themselves sexually to other people, singly or in groups, in appropriate settings. This can be done consensually as part of swinging or group sex.
[2009/10/29 12:12] Pirate Russell: When not done threateningly, the intent is usually to please and sexually arouse the viewer, giving the recipient an erotic rush.
[2009/10/29 12:13] Pirate Russell: *Irrational exhibitionists like to expose themselves in front of large crowds, typically at sporting events, streaking, or even teaching a class.
[2009/10/29 12:13] Pirate Russell: A similar irrational phenomenon is when, at the conclusion of a sporting event, a woman may flash her breasts while sitting atop someone's shoulders in a dense crowd of people.
[2009/10/29 12:13] Pirate Russell: Rational and irrational exhibitionists like to use the internet to distribute their stories and pictures on websites, sometimes using webcam feeds and other amateur methods.
[2009/10/29 12:13] Pirate Russell: As a major distinction, irrational exhibitionists attempt to sexually arouse the recipient by giving the impression that the exposure is "first time" and/or "innocent."
[2009/10/29 12:14] Pirate Russell: Rational exhibitionists, instead, require an invitation from the recipient.
[2009/10/29 12:14] Pirate Russell: Irrational exhibitionists typically lack this type of self control.
[2009/10/29 12:14] Pirate Russell: Exhibitionistic behavior does not necessarily imply alterations of the psychiatric condition of the average, everyday individual, unless the individual does such actions compulsively
[2009/10/29 12:14] Pirate Russell: in an effort to grab the attention s/he feels entitled to yet does not get in other aspects of life
[2009/10/29 12:15] Pirate Russell: In psychiatry, exhibitionism is only considered a paraphilia once the practice begins to interfere with the quality of life or normal functioning capacity of the individual.
[2009/10/29 12:15] Pirate Russell: However, if the exposing individual shows an aggressive or criminal behavior, that is indecent exposure and is a separate phenomenon from exhibitionism and flashing.
[2009/10/29 12:15] Pirate Russell: VOYEURISM
[2009/10/29 12:15] Pirate Russell: Voyeurism is the sexual interest in spying on people engaged in intimate behaviors, such as undressing, sexual activity, or urinating.
[2009/10/29 12:16] Pirate Russell: In some cultures, voyeurism is considered to be deviant and even a sex crime. In the United Kingdom, non-consensual voyeurism became a criminal offense.
[2009/10/29 12:16] Pirate Russell: However, some societies tolerate it depending upon the circumstances (e.g., adolescent "Peeping Toms" and the UK dogging craze). The stereotypical voyeur is male, although many women also enjoy being voyeurs.
[2009/10/29 12:16] Pirate Russell: In the United States, video voyeurism is criminalized in nine states. The original case responsible for the criminalization has been made into a television movie called Video Voyeur and documents the criminalization of secret photography.
[2009/10/29 12:16] Pirate Russell: Criminal voyeurism statutes are related to invasion of privacy laws but are specific to unlawful surreptitious surveillance without consent and unlawful recordings
[2009/10/29 12:16] Pirate Russell: including the broadcast, dissemination, publication, or selling of recordings involving places and times when a person has a reasonable expectation of privacy and a reasonable supposition that he or she is not being photographed
[2009/10/29 12:17] Pirate Russell: or filmed by "any mechanical, digital or electronic viewing device, camera or any other instrument capable of recording, storing or transmitting visual images that can be utilized to observe a person."
[2009/10/29 12:17] Pirate Russell: While some think Voyeurism is a crime, or a perversion, some of us think it's just fun!
[2009/10/29 12:17] Pirate Russell: Quesitons, Comments?
[2009/10/29 12:18] ***BS***: I can't think of any
[2009/10/29 12:18] ***BS***: Do some people like both?
[2009/10/29 12:18] ***BS***: Engage in both that is?
[2009/10/29 12:18] Pirate Russell raises Her hand
[2009/10/29 12:19] Pirate Russell: I was just about to ask if there were any other exhibitionists out there, so Icould Voyeur them.. he he
[2009/10/29 12:20] ***BS***: I think I must be a bit of an exhibitionist. I like for people to look up my skirt when I cross my legs
[2009/10/29 12:20] Pirate Russell: RL, or SL?
[2009/10/29 12:20] ***BS***: haha both actually
[2009/10/29 12:20] Pirate Russell: With or without panties?
[2009/10/29 12:21] ***BS***: And for people to look down my blouse
[2009/10/29 12:21] ***BS***: Usually with panties
[2009/10/29 12:21] Pirate Russell likes to.. engenieer those situations, too, I do like to make it look like an accident, though
[2009/10/29 12:21] Pirate Russell: like at the mall, standing close to an upstairs railing
[2009/10/29 12:21] ***BS***: Yes, of course
[2009/10/29 12:22] ***zA***: sorry i have to go now
[2009/10/29 12:22] Pirate Russell is surprised she's not worn out her keys by dropping them so many times
[2009/10/29 12:22] Pirate Russell: Bye, ***zA***, thanks for coming by!
[2009/10/29 12:22] ***BS*** laughs
[2009/10/29 12:22] ***BS***: bye ***zA***
[2009/10/29 12:23] ***TC***: sorry for being late Miss
[2009/10/29 12:23] ***BS***: I have to go too. Back to RL. Thanks for the lecture. I really enjoyed it!
[2009/10/29 12:23] Pirate Russell: Ok, have a good one ***BS***
[2009/10/29 12:23] ***BS***: Thank you
[2009/10/29 12:24] Pirate Russell: He he
[2009/10/29 12:24] ***BS***: Bye now
[2009/10/29 12:24] ***BS***: Bye ***TC***
[2009/10/29 12:24] Pirate Russell: Well, for girl's punishment, she must join Me, naked!
[2009/10/29 12:24] ***TC***: bye
[2009/10/29 12:24] ***TC***: yes Miss
[2009/10/29 12:26] Pirate Russell: Well, I guess that's it for today, class dismissed!

Why Don't they Log on Anymore - 10/28/09

2009-11-03T08:33:00.000-08:00

[2009/10/28 11:09] Pirate Russell: Please take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[2009/10/28 11:09] Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! As most of y'all know, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor. I have been in SL for 4 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[2009/10/28 11:09] Pirate Russell: If any need to leave early, the transcript for this, and all other classes can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com.
[2009/10/28 11:10] Pirate Russell: Our topic today, "Alone: Why don't they log on anymore?".
[2009/10/28 11:10] Pirate Russell: alone by ~Hoeg on deviantART ( http://bdsmforbeginners.blogspot.com/search/label/Cyber%20Kink%20Issues )
[2009/10/28 11:10] Pirate Russell: "She's been my Mistress for 9 months.Now our blog's gone and She's not responding to email"
[2009/10/28 11:10] Pirate Russell: "We were about to collar her and she vanished without a word"
[2009/10/28 11:10] Pirate Russell: "I don't think I'm going to get to see Her again for a long while...if ever.
[2009/10/28 11:10] Pirate Russell: *She's deleted Her yahoo account. "
[2009/10/28 11:10] Pirate Russell: "How long do I wait? I can't seem to move forward"
[2009/10/28 11:11] Pirate Russell: One day you are happy, playing with your online BDSM play partner, chatting about inconsequential things and planning your next time together.
[2009/10/28 11:11] Pirate Russell: The next day, without warning, your world falls apart. Your partner fails to turn up online. They don't respond to your attempts to contact them. Their email address bounces.
[2009/10/28 11:11] Pirate Russell: Yep
[2009/10/28 11:11] Pirate Russell: Their profile vanishes from the sites you both belong to. No one in your online community has heard from them. You panic: are they ill? Hurt? Dead in a car crash? How will you ever know?
[2009/10/28 11:12] Pirate Russell: You suddenly realize you have no way to find them. You search through every IM conversation record for facts about their real life - anything that might lead you to them...
[2009/10/28 11:12] Pirate Russell: Days pass. Weeks. You go from feeling concern to blaming yourself: you must have been a bad sub or Dom/me. You drove them away. Its all your fault. You must have said something wrong (but what??).
[2009/10/28 11:12] Pirate Russell: Then your mood switches to frustration and anger: how dare they do this? How could they? They said they cared. You were friends. More than friends. They knew you better than anyone. Then you feel despair: you feel betrayed.
[2009/10/28 11:13] Pirate Russell: How long must you wait? WHERE ARE THEY???? Then you just feel numb.
[2009/10/28 11:13] Pirate Russell: Sometimes they never come back. Sometimes they do. That can be worse.
[2009/10/28 11:13] Pirate Russell: Welcome to the world of online loss.
[2009/10/28 11:14] Pirate Russell: It's a remarkably common experience - most of us with online play partners (whether for online sex, dating, BDSM or even on games like Second Life) will unfortunately encounter it in some form.
[2009/10/28 11:14] Pirate Russell: Equally unfortunately there's very little written about it, but it's an experience you don't want to go through alone.
[2009/10/28 11:14] Pirate Russell: This BDSM For Beginners post will hopefully provide you with some ways to understand it, cope with it and hopefully in future avoid it.
[2009/10/28 11:14] Pirate Russell: I. WHY DO PEOPLE DISAPPEAR ONLINE?
[2009/10/28 11:15] Pirate Russell: It's impossible to speak for individuals, but we can draw some general observations about why / when people disappear:
[2009/10/28 11:15] Pirate Russell: Disappearing at the end of a relationship:
[2009/10/28 11:15] Pirate Russell: In this case your partner vanishes after an argument, or things go wrong. They may cut off all contact and make public statements like deleting their blogs or profiles.
[2009/10/28 11:15] Pirate Russell: In these cases you have some warning that things are going wrong, so while the whole experience is upsetting (as is the end of any relationship, whether kinky or vanilla, or real time or online) at least you have an understanding of why it occurred.
[2009/10/28 11:16] Pirate Russell: Many people are sincere in wanting to dismantle the online persona they utilized with you, at the end of a relationships.
[2009/10/28 11:16] Pirate Russell: However be aware that others use the threat of vanishing as a nasty means to control their partner, when an online relationship is in trouble.
[2009/10/28 11:16] Pirate Russell: In these cases they may not entirely delete their profile but might delete their friends list, etc and leave a statement claiming they no longer use the site (this always looks very silly when you can see elsewhere on their page that they are online).
[2009/10/28 11:17] Pirate Russell: If your partner turns out to be playing this sort of game, while there is certainly hope you might get back together (or else why would they still be around)
[2009/10/28 11:17] Pirate Russell: it might be time to have a good hard think about whether you really want to continue in a relationship with someone who plays around with your mind and heart in such a manner.
[2009/10/28 11:17] Pirate Russell: II.DISSAPPEARING BECAUSE OF REAL LIFE ISSUES:
[2009/10/28 11:17] Pirate Russell: In these circumstances, you may or may not get warning, depending how close you are to your online partner and how much they discuss their real life with you. If they do, then you will be aware of whatever crisis they are facing.
[2009/10/28 11:17] Pirate Russell: If not, they leave an email or IM message for you, saying that they have a problem and need some time offline. It may not provide all the information you want but at least such a message means you know where they are,
[2009/10/28 11:18] Pirate Russell: and that your online relationship will hopefully be able to resume when their situation is improved. They may of course also leave a message that says their problem is ongoing (such as trying to fix a marriage) and they won't be back.
[2009/10/28 11:18] Pirate Russell: Disappearing for a while due to online fatigue:
[2009/10/28 11:18] Pirate Russell: Sometimes people just need to take a break for a while. They may leave a message. Other times there is no warning, although looking back you will probably recognize your partner was under stress.
[2009/10/28 11:18] Pirate Russell: They don't delete anything online, they just don't seem to come online anymore and become impossible to contact.
[2009/10/28 11:19] Pirate Russell: I'm guilty of this myself. I call it Mistress Fatigue - a desperate need to have a break from your online persona for a while. I always come back. But I just need some space. If you seem to be encountering this kind of disappearance,
[2009/10/28 11:19] Pirate Russell: there is one magic word that solves the problem: patience. Trust your partner. They will be back, and they will appreciate the patience and consideration you have shown.
[2009/10/28 11:19] Pirate Russell: III. DISAPEARING WITHOUT WARNING:
[2009/10/28 11:19] Pirate Russell: This is the scenario I outlined at the beginning of this post. You get no warning at all: they are simply gone. The worst scenario going through your head - that they may have died - is unlikely
[2009/10/28 11:19] Pirate Russell: (although I know one sub who did lose a great friend and Mistress this way, when she died unexpectedly). They may be in hospital, or have close relatives in hospital, and be unable to get online.
[2009/10/28 11:20] Pirate Russell: Their computer may have broken down. They may have forgotten to pay their wireless bill. Or gone on an unexpected business trip.
[2009/10/28 11:20] Pirate Russell: All these reasons work well in the short term, but they don't work after a week or so. Nor do they offer comfort if your partner has deleted their online personas.
[2009/10/28 11:20] Pirate Russell: At some point you may just have to face up (as I once did) to the cold hard fact that someone you care about simply does not care enough about you to get in touch and explain their actions.
[2009/10/28 11:20] Pirate Russell: Although nothing has been specifically written about BDSM online relationship disappearances, you can find responses (such as B Z on datingdame.com) documenting reasons for vanishing during online dating:
[2009/10/28 11:21] Pirate Russell: "When I mysteriously disappear online, it usually means I am afraid of rejection.
[2009/10/28 11:21] Pirate Russell: I am afraid of the person saying, "Hurrumph, she said she was not fat". I am afraid of becoming all nervous and silly and making a fool of myself by saying the wrong things. And if I do manage to overcome these worries, I have the secondary fear of reject
[2009/10/28 11:21] Pirate Russell: If the person is, in real life, dull or bad-tempered, I don't want to have gotten all excited about a date only to have to turn down their request for another one."
[2009/10/28 11:22] Pirate Russell: But these reasons don't seem to apply to online only BDSM relationships, unless your partner vanished just before you arranged to meet.
[2009/10/28 11:22] Pirate Russell: You may find some hint in your relationship's history (I was told much later that my gone-without-warning sub did not want to tell me she was moving to a real time dominant).
[2009/10/28 11:22] Pirate Russell: But let's be honest, you may never hear why. Perhaps the only "why" we will ever know is one Dragon Lord touches on indirectly in The Views From The Dragon's Lair: Dealing With Running:
[2009/10/28 11:22] Pirate Russell: "Ever notice how many people are running everyday? Running here and there, running to their jobs, running to their homes, running to make money, running from debt, running from so many things: pain, love, commitment, the past, the future.
[2009/10/28 11:23] Pirate Russell: Sometimes I wonder if they really know what they are running from. In this life from a Dominant's perspective we see a lot of this running, we encounter it constantly ....
[2009/10/28 11:23] Pirate Russell: "[Some people even run] from their goals. Once they realized that you were not the other person, that you were true to your word, then they became scared of the commitment that will incur their desires coming true. .....
[2009/10/28 11:23] Pirate Russell: There are so many different reasons that people run: i.e. the fear of not being needed, the fear of disappointing, the fear of having disappointed, and the fear of rejection, of acceptance, of success and of failure".
[2009/10/28 11:23] Pirate Russell: IV. WHAT DO YOU FEEL WHEN THIS HAPPENS?
[2009/10/28 11:24] Pirate Russell: Well, obviously you feel like shit. I grieved for months. Another friend who is currently experiencing this recently wrote:
[2009/10/28 11:24] Pirate Russell: "I understand real life comes first. There have been times where I've walked away for one reason or another. I've hurt people in the past, never intentionally but it has happened and I still regret it ...
[2009/10/28 11:24] Pirate Russell: Understanding doesn't make it any easier though ... [I'm] feeling abandoned, confused, lost ... just wishing to have one last conversation to talk things over. There are no hard feelings, just things left unsaid and questions left unanswered ... ".
[2009/10/28 11:24] Pirate Russell: I felt exactly the same. He also faces the same terrible double bind - the uncertainty of whether to move on or to wait: "If She does come back soon, I don't want it to appear that I have been disloyal, or unfaithful.
[2009/10/28 11:25] Pirate Russell: But what if She doesn't come back?". People in other areas on online life face the same issues, such as Carly, who experienced the disappearance of her marriage partner on Second Life:
[2009/10/28 11:25] Pirate Russell: "I don't know what to do. I'm normally a pretty aggressive, take charge kind of woman, but right now I feel so pathetic. How long do I wait to move on? A month? Two? Three? I don't know how long I can stand to feel like this.
[2009/10/28 11:25] Pirate Russell: I went from having it all to having nothing but ashes. I don't want another girl, I want the one I had..."
[2009/10/28 11:26] Pirate Russell: But on the other hand, you have to start to think of your own needs, as my friend did:
[2009/10/28 11:26] Pirate Russell: "Will She be back? How long will it take? How long should I wait? That last [question] is kind of a big one for me. I use my time online to express myself, to satisfy that submissive itch that I have, that cannot be ignored.
[2009/10/28 11:26] Pirate Russell: If it goes too long without being scratched I find myself depressed, irritable, and just not myself".
[2009/10/28 11:26] Pirate Russell: This brings us to the next question: your survival.
[2009/10/28 11:27] Pirate Russell: V. HOW DO I COPE, IN PRACTICAL TERMS?
[2009/10/28 11:27] Pirate Russell: Firstly, and most importantly BY NOT BLAMING YOURSELF.
[2009/10/28 11:27] Pirate Russell: The fact your play partner has vanished IS NOT YOUR FAULT. You are not a bad sub or a bad Dom/me. You did not fail. You did not drive them away. Their disappearance is about their issues, not yours.
[2009/10/28 11:27] Pirate Russell: Secondly, treat yourself gently. You are in mourning and in shock: give yourself your normal post BDSM scene aftercare. Look after yourself.
[2009/10/28 11:28] Pirate Russell: Here are some issues you might have to deal with:
[2009/10/28 11:28] Pirate Russell: Trying to find them:
[2009/10/28 11:28] Pirate Russell: Okay so you are convinced they are out there, injured somewhere, or alone and hurt. What can you do? Well again this entirely depends on the information you exchanged during your online relationship.
[2009/10/28 11:29] Pirate Russell: If you have a real name and a city, you probably CAN track them down. But think this through; you don't want to be accused of stalking so use the info you have to make sure they are alive and well - and then let them be.
[2009/10/28 11:29] Pirate Russell: If you never exchanged real names its going to be tricky to find them. You might be able to do it on the basis of other information.
[2009/10/28 11:30] Pirate Russell: Its also important to talk to others in your online community - they may have more recent information (I heard one story where a Mistress left a message for her sub with other subs in a chatroom, when she had to leave the country in a hurry)
[2009/10/28 11:30] Pirate Russell: or be aware if your partner has done this in the past, before you came on the scene
[2009/10/28 11:30] Pirate Russell: Contacting them again:
[2009/10/28 11:31] Pirate Russell: Some people will tell you after any relationship finishes (vanilla or otherwise) to burn the photos, chuck out the momentos and never contact them again. So re contacting someone who has disappeared,
[2009/10/28 11:31] Pirate Russell: I guess it comes down to how badly you were hurt during your period of loss.
[2009/10/28 11:31] Pirate Russell: Sure, if it doesn't feel good, then leave them be. But if you still feel something for them, and you believe they are out there somewhere and still picking up their mail, then why not drop them the odd line?
[2009/10/28 11:31] Pirate Russell: Wish them Happy Birthday, Merry Xmas and Happy New Year. It lets them know you are thinking of them. There is also the chance they may respond.
[2009/10/28 11:32] Pirate Russell: In the online dating world, B Z advises that when she disappears online, what people should do in response is "DON'T go all stalkery on me, sending email after email imploring me to respond.
[2009/10/28 11:32] Pirate Russell: The best thing to do would be to continue to send the occasional email just to keep in touch. Perhaps ask for my help with something - you need to buy a present for a teenaged niece, or you need to translate something into a language I know.
[2009/10/28 11:33] Pirate Russell: You might invite me to a group event. If you are painting your house and inviting everyone you know over to help paint and then eat barbecue, I just might show up".
[2009/10/28 11:33] Pirate Russell: What to do if/when they turn up again:
[2009/10/28 11:33] Pirate Russell: This is the hardest part of all. You go through weeks, possibly months of grieving. You finally move on ... and then one day they reappear. Invariably this happens long after you have stopped dreaming of it happening!
[2009/10/28 11:33] Pirate Russell: In many cases, the person hardly gives any explanation but often seems to expect the relationship to pick up as if they had never been away.
[2009/10/28 11:33] Pirate Russell: Many Dom/mes have spoken to me about this. It's rare that the relationship is resumed, because trust has been so profoundly broken - would you ever believe their promise that it wouldn't happen again?
[2009/10/28 11:34] Pirate Russell: But why don't you at least try to preserve the friendship? However: do be prepared. They often disappear again.
[2009/10/28 11:34] Pirate Russell: VI. WHAT CAN I DO TO AVOIDIT HAPPENING (AGAIN)?
[2009/10/28 11:34] Pirate Russell: A lot of this has to do with personalities and individual relationships and it seems impossible to generalize, but there are a few things you can do:
[2009/10/28 11:34] Pirate Russell: * Exchange real names and contact details. I've made this a part of all online sub contracts since my own experience.
[2009/10/28 11:35] Pirate Russell settles for an email address
[2009/10/28 11:35] Pirate Russell: * Set up a contact scheme for emergencies: Some Dom/mes arrange for a third party to be involved, to contact their subs if the Dom/me has a family crisis, health emergency, etc. Discuss with each other what might work for you both.
[2009/10/28 11:35] Pirate Russell: * Talk about online disappearances. Make sure the topic comes up in conversation with your partner during good times. Ask them if they have ever done it, what their feelings are about it.
[2009/10/28 11:36] Pirate Russell looks down at Her ***BH***, and poofs...
[2009/10/28 11:36] Pirate Russell: JUST K***IW***NG!
[2009/10/28 11:36] Pirate Russell: It sounds trite and sure some people lie, but this remains a fairly successful way of finding out what they think. It also gives you an opportunity to get your own thoughts about it across.
[2009/10/28 11:36] ***LL***: :x
[2009/10/28 11:36] ***IM*** giggles
[2009/10/28 11:36] ***BH*** looks up frowning a bit
[2009/10/28 11:36] Pirate Russell: If your partner knows you'd be worried sick if they vanished, they may try more to keep you in the loop regarding their plans.
[2009/10/28 11:36] Pirate Russell: * Never take your online relationship for granted: the truth is you never know when someone might disappear - or other things might go wrong - so remember
[2009/10/28 11:37] Pirate Russell: every time you meet online to really appreciate your play partner and the wonderful BDSM times you are having. Your appreciation will be visible to them, and will make them appreciate you more as well.
[2009/10/28 11:37] Pirate Russell: And good luck!
[2009/10/28 11:37] Pirate Russell: Citation: http://bdsmforbeginners.blogspot.com/search/label/Cyber%20Kink%20Issues
[2009/10/28 11:37] Pirate Russell: The transcript for this, and all other classes can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2009/10/28 11:37] Pirate Russell: Questions?? Comments??
[2009/10/28 11:38] ***nS***: some wonderfull information passed in the Lecture Miss
[2009/10/28 11:38] Pirate Russell smiles, "Thanks, ***nS***"
[2009/10/28 11:38] ***DB***: Quite a good overview.
[2009/10/28 11:39] ***LL***: i think discussing it before it happens and making it clear you just need to know and won't pressure the other person is important
[2009/10/28 11:39] ***LL***: some people can't face hurting you
[2009/10/28 11:39] Pirate Russell: Well, as in any relationship, Vanilla or D/s, COMMUNICATION is the most important thing!
[2009/10/28 11:40] ***LL***: one of my best friends from 2006 disappearing leaving 5 sims to be reclaimed by Linden Lab
[2009/10/28 11:40] ***LL***: we all think she's dead or something
[2009/10/28 11:40] Pirate Russell hopes not, but you never know
[2009/10/28 11:40] ***IM***: It doesn't take long for the trust to be broken in vanilla or BDSM relatioonships. girl has a friend who pretended to die IRL and came back a day later. Now she's lost most of her friends.
[2009/10/28 11:41] ***LL***: wow
[2009/10/28 11:41] ***DB***: There is one reason for disappearence that should be mentioned; the fact that there may be conflict between SL and RL self-images. EG, you may be a victim of their success, in a perverse way.
[2009/10/28 11:41] ***nS***: ohh...
[2009/10/28 11:41] Pirate Russell: Yeah, that can be rough, trust is HARD to rebuild
[2009/10/28 11:41] ***IW***: think its important to make the partner understand that once trust is broken the road to fix it is.. yeh almost imposible
[2009/10/28 11:41] ***LL***: one thing Miss you said......that they don't care as much about you, as you do about them, i think is true
[2009/10/28 11:42] Pirate Russell: Sorry ***IW***, didn't mean to steal your thunder
[2009/10/28 11:42] ***IW*** smiles warmly at Miss Pirate "not hard taken"
[2009/10/28 11:42] Pirate Russell is pretty much SURE that nobody, not even ***BH*** or ***IM*** care as much about Me, as I do about each of them!
[2009/10/28 11:43] ***IM***: It feels that way, which is nearly the same thing, Miss Lexi.
[2009/10/28 11:43] ***IM*** smiles at Mistress
[2009/10/28 11:43] ***BH*** stays silent on that one
[2009/10/28 11:43] ***DB***: Communication, self-honesty and an awareness of your own limits is one way to avoid doing this to someone else. For truly, that's the key, we only control our own actions.
[2009/10/28 11:43] Pirate Russell strokes girl's hair, lovingly
[2009/10/28 11:43] ***nS***: i think one of the hardest things to do is beg release from your Dom
[2009/10/28 11:44] ***BH*** leans into the hand
[2009/10/28 11:44] Pirate Russell: There is something I'd forgotten, "Self-Honesty" is necessary before communication, or you end up lieing, even if only by accident
[2009/10/28 11:44] ***LL***: it makes it hard to have another sl relationship of the same level
[2009/10/28 11:44] ***DB*** smiles ruefully.
[2009/10/28 11:44] ***DB***: one has to be *aware* one is lying, as well.
[2009/10/28 11:45] ***TW*** listens intently
[2009/10/28 11:45] ***DB2***: I agree with that Mistress. Knowing what you want from your relationships online is the greatest piece of knowledge you can hold....and will save you a lot of heartache.
[2009/10/28 11:45] ***CC***: lots of dishonesty here
[2009/10/28 11:46] ***LL***: i've discovered that many come back with alts, and just leave you unaware
[2009/10/28 11:46] :: ***BH*** invited you to a couple animation, choose 'yes' to accept
[2009/10/28 11:46] ***CC***: indeed
[2009/10/28 11:46] ***LL***: they just can't face you and break things off
[2009/10/28 11:46] ***DB***: "What do you seek" is one of my first questions.
[2009/10/28 11:46] Pirate Russell: Pardon Me a moment, she's gotta go
[2009/10/28 11:46] ***BH*** hugs tight before leaving
[2009/10/28 11:46] ***CC***: won't accept responsibility for their actions or feelings
[2009/10/28 11:47] ***LL***: i bet most disappearances fall into the alt category
[2009/10/28 11:47] ***CC***: most of us do not KNOW what we seek til we find it
[2009/10/28 11:47] Pirate Russell: Most likely
[2009/10/28 11:47] ***CC***: thats a lame question
[2009/10/28 11:47] ***IW***: how.. can one give respect if not given the respect to themselfs in beeing honest?
[2009/10/28 11:48] Pirate Russell: ***CC***, please, no questions are lame
[2009/10/28 11:48] ***DB***: ***CC***, until I know where someone needs to be and where they are currently, I have no idea if their path and mine continue together.
[2009/10/28 11:48] ***ED***: And the fact that we grow too as we move through the relationship. Sometimes our partner doesn't.
[2009/10/28 11:49] ***CC***: yes
[2009/10/28 11:49] ***TW*** nods
[2009/10/28 11:49] ***CC***: explore
[2009/10/28 11:49] ***CC***: it works much better
[2009/10/28 11:49] Pirate Russell: One needs to know his own path first, then the path of the other, before you can see if they're going the same direction at the same time
[2009/10/28 11:50] ***IM***: How do make it so someone can say goodbye instead of just leave?
[2009/10/28 11:51] Pirate Russell: I allow al My girls, and friends the opportunity to talk to ME, not just Pirate
[2009/10/28 11:51] ***LL***: well, talking about this possibly happening before it does i think is smart. and leaving an opening for the other person to breakup w/o guilt
[2009/10/28 11:51] ***LL***: "if we grow apart, i'll accept it, but please tell me"
[2009/10/28 11:52] ***TW***: exit strategy? But isn't that like self fufilling prophecy?
[2009/10/28 11:52] Pirate Russell: And yes, I do try to be an adult when it happens.
[2009/10/28 11:52] ***LL***: then so would all pre-nups be
[2009/10/28 11:52] ***TW*** knows she probably wrote that wrong
[2009/10/28 11:52] ***IM***: Yeah, can one plan for it without expecting it?
[2009/10/28 11:52] ***LL***: refusing to write a will does not mean you will live forever
[2009/10/28 11:52] ***aC***: I might add that i left my girl for 2 months..i did send her an email that i was ok but not if or when i would get back. she waited for me the 2 months and we are better then ever now. had the "fatigue", think things over thing
[2009/10/28 11:53] Pirate Russell talks a good game, but is notoriously bad planner in Her personal life, RL and SL.
[2009/10/28 11:53] ***LL***: the time to discuss these things are when you are getting along great
[2009/10/28 11:53] ***IM***: girl supposes it would be like a marriage contract. girl can't imagine that either.
[2009/10/28 11:54] ***LL***: the reality is, you probably will break up, discussion or not
[2009/10/28 11:54] ***DB2***: I like what ***LL***said there. But I also think that kind of understanding of online interactions comes with time and a lot of people just aren't /there/ yet. I try to have that talk early on to see if they share my belief that online relationships can be long and beautiful, but are not really meant to sustain forever, so there will come a point when the journey will end.
[2009/10/28 11:54] ***TW***: I just think if you talk about the end you give it power... but I also agree that there should be understanding
[2009/10/28 11:54] Pirate Russell whispers: Well, 50% of Marriages in America end up in divorce, the other half in death, which is better??? LOL
[2009/10/28 11:54] Pirate Russell: Well, 50% of Marriages in America end up in divorce, the other half in death, which is better??? LOL
[2009/10/28 11:54] Pirate Russell: Didn't mean to whisper that the 1st time
[2009/10/28 11:54] ***TW***: depends on the marriage?
[2009/10/28 11:54] ***TW***: giggles
[2009/10/28 11:55] ***DB***: In particular, respect one's own hard limits and play within them.
[2009/10/28 11:55] Pirate Russell is on Her second, and this one will kill Me, one way or the other
[2009/10/28 11:55] ***IM*** giggles
[2009/10/28 11:55] ***TW*** winces
[2009/10/28 11:55] ***LL***: things move fast in sl, and people evolve and change quickly, leaving relationships in their wake
[2009/10/28 11:55] ***ED***: We've all been there Pirate
[2009/10/28 11:55] Pirate Russell: But seriously, if we are honest with ourselves and with our partners, things will work themselves out
[2009/10/28 11:55] ***LL***: many of us are curiousity sluts
[2009/10/28 11:56] Pirate Russell: That's true, I've heard SL years are like Dog years, but at a 10 to 1 ratio
[2009/10/28 11:56] ***IM*** nods
[2009/10/28 11:56] ***LL***: amen
[2009/10/28 11:56] ***NQ***: True honesty is rare, Pirate.
[2009/10/28 11:56] ***TW***: time is bent in SL for sure
[2009/10/28 11:57] ***DB***: Speaking of overdue commitments, I must go find a bank machine. :P Do please excuse my impending absence.
[2009/10/28 11:57] Pirate Russell: Oh, you can just give Me your money ***DB***, I'll put it to good use....
[2009/10/28 11:57] ***LL***: sure, abandon us ;)
[2009/10/28 11:57] Pirate Russell: Oh? A withdrawal??
[2009/10/28 11:57] ***IM***: You can write it off as a bad debt.... hehe.
[2009/10/28 11:58] ***DB***: alas, no. And I wish. They DO have my real life details. :P
[2009/10/28 11:58] ***LL***: well, now that we are all totally depressed.....
[2009/10/28 11:58] Pirate Russell: OOOHHH.. he he
[2009/10/28 11:58] Pirate Russell isn't depressed at all, because I know how I'll handle it if ***IM*** left me
[2009/10/28 11:58] ***IM***: Hunt girl down and kill her?
[2009/10/28 11:58] Pirate Russell: Id quit SL, and the internet! LOL
[2009/10/28 11:58] ***IW***: its just the fact of the Internet Lexi. its shame it is like that but it happends
[2009/10/28 11:58] ***LL***: hee
[2009/10/28 11:59] ***IM***: Awww.
[2009/10/28 11:59] ***TW***: Doesn't it come down to how you handle yourself though?
[2009/10/28 11:59] Pirate Russell: It has happened to me a MILLION times, but I remember the good times!
[2009/10/28 11:59] Pirate Russell grins at Tink, "Stay outta My head!" LOL
[2009/10/28 11:59] ***TW*** smiles
[2009/10/28 12:00] ***LL***: so no refreshments, huh?
[2009/10/28 12:00] ***DB2***: In a way, knowing how very /easy/ it is to lie and hide and abandon on the internet, that makes it so much more epic when you find someone that is honest, knowing they don't really have to be...
[2009/10/28 12:00] ***IW***: what would you like to have Lexi?
[2009/10/28 12:00] ***LL*** came for the junk food
[2009/10/28 12:00] ***TW***: So it's a matter of accountability?
[2009/10/28 12:01] ***DB2***: That's always the bottom line :)
[2009/10/28 12:01] ***CC***: and how serious you take your responsibilities
[2009/10/28 12:01] ***LL***: actually, i missed the last forum by minutes, and am really glad i made this one
[2009/10/28 12:01] ***IW*** sends over a Popcorn Box to Lexi
[2009/10/28 12:01] ***CC***: even if they are online
[2009/10/28 12:01] ***NQ***: Player reliability is the keyword.
[2009/10/28 12:01] ***LL*** is not falling for that popcorn box trick
[2009/10/28 12:01] ***NQ***: Excuse us please
[2009/10/28 12:02] ***IW***: trick?
[2009/10/28 12:02] ***nS***: giggles
[2009/10/28 12:02] ***LL***: where the guy puts the box in his lap and you reach in....
[2009/10/28 12:02] ***IM*** laughs
[2009/10/28 12:02] Pirate Russell: Ok, I'll end class today with this......
[2009/10/28 12:02] Pirate Russell: What do you do when a girl sits on your hand???
[2009/10/28 12:02] ***IW***: i'd never do such a thing i'm a nice girl
[2009/10/28 12:02] ***LL***: ty ***IW*** :)
[2009/10/28 12:02] ***DB2***: wave
[2009/10/28 12:02] Pirate Russell: GET HER OFF! Class dismissed!
[2009/10/28 12:02] ***TW***: giggles
[2009/10/28 12:02] ***aC***: hehehe
[2009/10/28 12:02] ***TW***: Thank you Pirate!
[2009/10/28 12:03] ***nS***: laughs
[2009/10/28 12:03] ***LL***: thank you Miss Pirate
[2009/10/28 12:03] ***LL***: lrelease
[2009/10/28 12:03] ***IW***: thank you Miss Pirate
[2009/10/28 12:03] Pirate Russell: Tomorrow, starting about NOW, "Exhibitionism and Voyeurism"
[2009/10/28 12:03] ***nS***: thank You for the Class Miss Pirate

LAZY Pirate

2009-11-03T08:30:00.000-08:00

I have been remiss in keeping this up. I will start again pick up with 10/29 & 10/30 of 2009. I may get the back issues posted at a later date, and maybe not.

Sorry, but I am the epitome of laziness.

Ciao for now....

Pirate

Erotic Humiliation - 8/14/09

2009-08-18T17:10:00.001-07:00

[12:10] Pirate Russell: Anyway, let's get going here.....
[12:10] Pirate Russell: OK, those that will, please turn off any radars, MystiTools, etc., to help with the Horrendous lag
[12:10] Pirate Russell: Don't wory about that or this
[12:10] Pirate Russell: Please take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[12:10] Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! As most of y'all know, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor. I have been in SL for 3 1/2 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[12:11] Pirate Russell: For any that need to leave early, all transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[12:11] Pirate Russell: .
[12:11] Pirate Russell: Erotic humiliation: The consensual use of psychological humiliation in a sexual context, whereby, at least, one person gains arousal or erotic excitement from the powerful emotions of being humiliated and demeaned, or of humiliating another;
[12:11] Pirate Russell: often (but not always) in conjunction with sexual stimulation of one or both partners in the activity. The humiliation need not be sexual in itself, as with many other sexual activities it is the feelings derived from it which are sought,
[12:11] Pirate Russell: regardless of the nature of the actual activity.
[12:12] Pirate Russell: Consider that the desire to be beneath the other partner during intercourse,the idea of "getting caught" such as with having sex in the garden or woods, or mild rape fantasies (where the person imagines themselves to be forced in a way they would like,
[12:12] Pirate Russell: and which must be seen as completely different to any real form of rape), are mild emotional games that emphasise status, vulnerability and control.
[12:12] Pirate Russell: However, for most people such ideas remain a fantasy and they would have strong reservations about it being made public, or engaged in with a partner for real, however erotic the idea may be.
[12:12] Pirate Russell: If a person does reveal their fetish to their partners, this usually is a result of a huge amount of trust invested in them, due to the similarly huge psychological struggle they would have had to have gone through to tell them.
[12:13] Pirate Russell: Actually goes for anything this personal, not just a fetish or THIS fetish
[12:13] Pirate Russell: Many people have the worry of being ridiculed for their fetish, and such ridicule from their partners could be psychologically catastrophic.
[12:13] Pirate Russell: Therefore, many people use online humiliation (where the humiliator and others are involved via the internet using chat, websites, SL, etc.) as a compromise between exhibitionism and reality on the one hand, and safety and anonymity on the other.
[12:14] Pirate Russell: Humiliation can be verbal or physical, and can be relatively private or public.
[12:14] Pirate Russell: Often it can become ritualized, and unlike some sexual variations it can also be easily carried out over a long distance or online.
[12:14] Pirate Russell: The distinction between humiliation and dominance in an activity such as erotic spanking is that the sought-after effect is primarily the humiliation; the activity is just a means to that end.
[12:15] Pirate Russell: While mild or moderate humiliation is not an uncommon part of BDSM or other sexual roleplay, humiliation play can be taken to a point where it becomes emotionally or psychologically distressing to one or the other partner.
[12:15] Pirate Russell: Erotic humiliation can become extreme enough to be considered a form of edgeplay, that some consider may best be approached with advance negotiation and use of a safeword.
[12:15] Pirate Russell: This is a highly subjective issue, and depends greatly on the participants.
[12:15] Pirate Russell: .
[12:15] Pirate Russell: ~Humiliation is not the same as dominance, as the devotee is not necessarily seeking to be ordered about.
[12:16] Pirate Russell: Humiliation comes into its own as a sexual force when the devotee seeks the humiliation over and above the means; for example, when being spanked is primarily valued because of the belittlement involved.
[12:16] ***DS***: i'm paying attention, *smiles, just been hexed by this chair
[12:16] Pirate Russell: Actually the TP didn't clear the pose at the forum
[12:16] ***DS***: ahh, thanks
[12:17] Pirate Russell: As such, it encompasses a range of paraphilia (abnormal sexual activity), in particular foot fetish or shoe fetish, body worship, spanking, bondage and most BDSM styles.
[12:18] Pirate Russell: It can be as basic as the desire to kiss and massage feet as a precursor to sex, or it can be complex, involving roleplay or public displays of subservience.
[12:18] Pirate Russell: MMmmm.... Public Displays......
[12:18] MystiTool HUD 1.3.1: Entering chat range: ***BH*** (2m)
[12:18] ***KR***: there is something very erotic about it
[12:19] Pirate Russell: ***DS***, ***KR***, this is My ***BH***
[12:19] ***KR***: hello***BH***
[12:19] Pirate Russell: Come kneel @ My feet, girl
[12:19] ***DS***: ahh
[12:19] Pirate Russell: Speaking of public displays...
[12:19] Pirate Russell: It can be for a set period of time (a "scene") or as an ongoing facet of a relationship.
[12:19] Pirate Russell: The "humiliation" is not intrinsic to the act or the object. Rather, symbiotic, a relationship beneficial to each charged, by the shared attitude of the partners engaged in the act.
[12:20] Pirate Russell: It is they who invest specific acts, objects or body-parts with a humiliating aspect.
[12:20] ***BH***: hi Mistress
[12:20] Pirate Russell: .
[12:20] ***BH***: hello Miss ***KR***
[12:20] Pirate Russell: ~ Means of Humiliation
[12:20] Pirate Russell: Sexual humiliation is very open-ended. Broadly, it can be divided into verbal and physical aspects.
[12:20] Pirate Russell: *Verbal aspects of this might include:
[12:20] Pirate Russell: ** Mockery, derision and ridicule.
[12:20] Pirate Russell: ** Verbal belittlement, such as "slave", "boy", "girl", "missy", "pet".
[12:20] Pirate Russell: ** Insults and verbal abuse, such as "fat", "ugly", "stupid", "worthless".
[12:21] Pirate Russell: ** Degrading references, such as "slut", "tart", "bitch" and "whore".
[12:21] Pirate Russell: ** Slighting of body parts or behaviors, such as disparaging or cruel references to breasts, facial appearance, genitalia or genital size, bottom, and slighting of mannerisms such as walking, responsiveness, standard of self-care.
[12:21] Pirate Russell: ** Having to ask permission for everyday activities such as going to the toilet, spending money or eating.
[12:22] Pirate Russell: ** Small breasts humiliation, where scorn is addressed over the supposed inadequacy of the adult female's breasts, or her inability to please a man (and by implication her essential worthlessness as a woman), and her breasts become objects of fun.
[12:22] Pirate Russell: ** Small penis humiliation, where scorn is addressed over the supposed inadequacy of the adult male's genitals, or his inability to please a woman (and by implication his essential worthlessness as a man), and his penis becomes an object of fun.
[12:22] Pirate Russell: ** Forced repetition, such as being obliged to repeat back commands to confirm them.
[12:22] Pirate Russell: ** Forced flattery, such as agreeing that every decision that the dominant makes is wise, correct, and justifiable, while additionally praising the dominant's physical and personality traits.
[12:22] Pirate Russell: Isn't that right, ***BH***?
[12:23] Pirate Russell: ** Reduction to Human animal roleplay or human pet, referring to these individuals as pet, dog, girl, bitch, or making them eat and drink from pet food and water bowls.
[12:23] Pirate Russell: .
[12:23] Pirate Russell: *Physical Humiliation:
[12:23] Pirate Russell: Some sexual humiliation involves inflicting pain, but much of it is far more concerned with ridicule, mocking, degradation and embarrassment.
[12:23] Pirate Russell: Physical and tangible aspects might include:
[12:24] Pirate Russell: ** Wearing of external signs of "ownership", such as a collar.
[12:24] Pirate Russell reaches down and tugs on ***BH***'s collar
[12:24] Pirate Russell: ** Forced to wear a gag and/or restraints on the body.
[12:24] Pirate Russell: ** Prohibitions or restrictions on clothing, even in public. For females a common example is being mandated to only wear revealing bikinis or lingerie. For men, this may include feminizing or cross-dressing.
[12:24] Pirate Russell: Both sexes may be expected to go completely nude, with decorative objects such as collars, bands, tiaras, or cuffs being the only exceptions.
[12:24] ***BH***: yes Mistress
[12:25] Pirate Russell pulls ***BH***'s shirt off
[12:25] ***BH*** eases a little closer releive the tug
[12:25] ***KR***: yes
[12:25] Pirate Russell: ** Having friends, family or strangers aware of or witnessing one's treatment (i.e.: public humiliation).
[12:25] Pirate Russell: Like y'all watching her shorts come down
[12:26] ***BH*** blushes
[12:26] Pirate Russell: ** Use of chastity belts or other means of erotic sexual denial.
[12:26] ***KR***: ***BH*** is branded?
[12:26] Pirate Russell: no, that's Gorean, she's tattood
[12:26] Pirate Russell: sweetie show them your tatts!
[12:26] ***KR***: same thing
[12:26] Pirate Russell: No, it's not
[12:27] ***KR***: denoted ownship, does it not
[12:27] Pirate Russell: Yes, but branding is scarring, tattoos use ink
[12:27] ***KR***: understand
[12:27] Pirate Russell: ** Suppressed freedom of movement. This may include never being able to leave the room in which the dominant is present without permission, and may be forbidden to leave the house or 'dungeon' in general for the duration of slavery or servitude.
[12:27] ***KR***: cute
[12:27] ***BH*** spins with cheeks getting redder
[12:28] Pirate Russell: ** Frequent performance of passive-aggressive sexual services for the dominant, such as erotic massage, cunnilingus, analingus, or fellatio, without expectations of reciprocal acts or intercourse.
[12:28] ***DS***: admires ***BH***'s form from his chair
[12:28] Pirate Russell: ** Specific rituals and affectations to be adopted. This includes displays of subservience, such as, walking a pace behind the dominant, only speaking when spoken to, kneeling or prostrating in front of the dominant when expecting orders,
[12:28] Pirate Russell: eating only after others or on the floor, low status place to sleep, and a wide variety of body worship activities such as kissing and/or licking the dominant's feet, boots, buttocks, anus, vulva etc. to express acknowledgment, subservience, shame, or eve
[12:28] Pirate Russell: ** Spanking, whipping, restraint or other BDSM activities such as cock and ball torture (CBT).
[12:29] Pirate Russell: ** Performance of menial tasks or abusive workload, such as cleaning the floors with a toothbrush.
[12:29] Pirate Russell: ** Detailed punishments for a variety of 'infractions' or misbehavior, such as having to stand in a corner facing a wall for several hours, flogging or whipping, reduced rations, or forced exercise.
[12:29] Pirate Russell: ** Roleplaying "lower status" beings, such as animals (for example dog or horse) or babies (see human animal roleplay, pup-play and adult baby play).
[12:29] Pirate Russell: That would be an EVEN LOWER status!
[12:29] Pirate Russell: ** Ejaculating, farting, defecating, spitting, slapping or urinating on the bottom's body, especially the face.
[12:30] Pirate Russell: ** Erotic objectification, where the bottom is cast in the role of an object, such as a footstool.
[12:30] Pirate Russell: ** Cuckoldry, taking on a third party lover to humiliate the bottom as an expression of the relationship between the top and the bottom.
[12:30] Pirate Russell: ** Having to ask permission to orgasm during sex or masturbation.
[12:30] Pirate Russell: The list is virtually endless, it all depends on what the bottom DOESN'T LIKE!
[12:31] Pirate Russell: Sexual roleplaying may or may not involve humiliation. For example, one person might play the part of a dog because they enjoy being mock-forced into it, and the top will emphasize the lowness of the bottom's status as an animal.
[12:31] Pirate Russell: Whereas another person might play the role of the dog without any element of humiliation, simply as an expression of their inner animal or playful spirit.
[12:31] Pirate Russell: .
[12:31] Pirate Russell: ~ Psychology of Humiliation
[12:31] Pirate Russell: Humiliation in general touches strong emotional buttons, the more so when it becomes sexualized.
[12:31] Pirate Russell grabs ***BH***'s hair and turns her towards the students
[12:32] Pirate Russell: Because of this, consent and (paradoxically) a high degree of awareness and communication is needed to ensure that the result is desirable, rather than abusive.
[12:32] Pirate Russell: For example, a submissive may enjoy being insulted in some ways, but be genuinely crushed and devastated if humiliated or insulted in other ways.
[12:32] ***BH*** whimpers and follows the tug
[12:32] Pirate Russell: Humiliation play is also connected to sexual fetishism, in that non-sexual activities may become sexualized by association with arousal,
[12:32] Pirate Russell: and also may be associated with exhibitionism in the sense of wanting others to witness (or being aroused by others witnessing) one's sexual degradation.
[12:33] Pirate Russell: For some people, activities such as name-calling are a way of achieving ego reduction or getting over sexual inhibitions.
[12:33] Pirate Russell: isn't that right, slut?
[12:33] Pirate Russell giggles
[12:33] Pirate Russell: For example, between gay people, terms usually associated with homophobia may be used, such as "faggot" or "lesbo."
[12:33] Pirate Russell: As with all sexual activities, some people have sexual fantasies about humiliation, and others actually undertake it as a lifestyle or in a scene.
[12:33] Pirate Russell: Sexual fantasies relating to mild humiliation are not uncommon.
[12:34] ***BH*** blushes and nods
[12:34] Pirate Russell: Some humiliation roleplay (pup-play and age play in particular) is combined with loyalty and care-giving to the extent that these fetishes can be seen as exercises in trust rather than primarily a humiliation fetish.
[12:34] Pirate Russell: .
[12:34] Pirate Russell: ~ Online Humiliation - Why W/we're here!
[12:34] Pirate Russell: Online humiliation is the desire to be seen in a sexually embarrassing context via the internet. This practice allows the submissive to seek fetish partners from across the world.
[12:34] Pirate Russell: * Common methods of online humiliation include:
[12:34] Pirate Russell: ** Public pillory
[12:34] Pirate Russell: ** Embarrassing photographic or video assignments for submissives
[12:34] Pirate Russell: ** The requirement for submissives to keep online journals, detailing personal information such as masturbation frequency and details
[12:35] Pirate Russell: ** Verbal abuse
[12:35] Pirate Russell: ** Publicly bidding for items that reveal their fetishes
[12:35] Pirate Russell: ** Forcing them to go, or taking them to places where nudity isn't the norm
[12:35] ***KR***: this is all so true
[12:35] Pirate Russell: Is girl naked today, IRL?
[12:35] Pirate Russell: ** Forcing them to service others in public or private.
[12:35] Pirate Russell: ** Leaving them bound in public places, dressed or not.
[12:35] Pirate Russell: Again, the list is endless, it all depends upon what your submissive finds humiliating, embarassing, or degrading.
[12:36] Pirate Russell: All transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[12:36] Pirate Russell: College of Kink classes Monday 7a, Tuesday & Friday 12:00pm
[12:36] Pirate Russell: Y/you could always check the Search/Events and look for College
[12:36] Pirate Russell: Questions? Comments??
[12:36] ***KR***: Ican not beleive how you have hit upon so much, that seems so true
[12:37] ***DS***: it seems to me like you've covered it all, but i do have a couple questions:
[12:37] Pirate Russell: Knows good crap on the Internet, when I steal it
[12:37] Pirate Russell: go ahead ***DS***!
[12:37] ***DS***: 1 - i believe in trying to look as real as possible
[12:38] ***DS***: i know of slave chores on xstreet, but is there a good brutilizer
[12:38] ***DS***: ??
[12:38] Pirate Russell: Brutalizer?
[12:39] ***DS***: a good face slapper, or degradation HUD
[12:39] Pirate Russell: Ahh, that I don't know
[12:39] Pirate Russell: I have this chair
[12:39] ***DS***: ok, 2nd question
[12:39] MadScience Durance Captive Chair v1.0: CISS: This device needs to briefly test its animations: please grant permission for it to animate your avatar.
[12:39] ***BH*** whimpers'
[12:40] ***DS***: where in HOV is a good place for public humiliation?
[12:40] Pirate Russell: Dance floor.
[12:40] Pirate Russell: Front door
[12:40] ***DS***: thanks that what i figured
[12:40] Pirate Russell: ANYplace where there's lots of people. BUT....
[12:40] ***DS***: yes?
[12:40] Pirate Russell: Lots of people = Lots of LAG!
[12:41] ***DS***: yes of course
[12:41] Pirate Russell snaps some cuffs on ***BH***'s wrists
[12:42] Pirate Russell: Have a seat in the wood chair ***BH***
[12:42] ***BH***: yes Mistress
[12:43] ***DS*** takes note of madscience laboratories
[12:43] Pirate Russell locks thecuffs behind her
[12:43] ***BH***'s cuff (r forearm) whispers: ***BH***'s ***BH***'s cuff (r forearm) has been locked by Pirate Russell (Type Lock).
[12:43] ***BH***'s cuff(r lower leg) whispers: Pirate Russell has taken ***BH***'s keys from her ***BH***'s cuff(r lower leg).
[12:43] Pirate's property whispers: Pirate Russell has taken ***BH***'s keys from her Pirate's property.
[12:43] ***KR***: Thank you Mistress Russell
[12:44] Pirate Russell: There's stuff I can do to her in this chair that she won't like....
[12:44] Pirate Russell can slap girl's face
[12:45] ***BH***: OWWWW
[12:45] Pirate Russell: Or her tits....
[12:45] ***BH***: please stop Mistress
[12:46] Pirate Russell: or girl's ass!
[12:46] Pirate Russell: This is just one piece of furnature, there's rpolly Millions of them out there!
[12:46] Pirate Russell: furnIture and Prolly.. too
[12:47] ***DS*** thiinks to himself, "a good item for my collection" and smiles
[12:47] Pirate Russell reaches down and rubs girl's ass
[12:48] ***BH*** moans soft and buries her face in the chair
[12:49] Pirate Russell spreads girl's cheeks, and pushes her legs apart, "And this is good for humiliation, too.... "
[12:51] Pirate Russell thinks we went a place ***KR***din't wanna go
[12:51] ***DS***: ah, dang we lost ***KR***, hmmm, oh well
[12:51] Pirate Russell: Anyway, ***DS***, that's about it... he he
[12:52] ***DS***: thank you again, and thank you ***BH*** this has been an excellent lecture and i'm glad i attended
[12:53] ***BH*** blushes and stammers" Your welcome"
[12:53] ***DS***: just a small gesture to you both for your time and efforts
[12:53] Pirate Russell: NOT necessary, but appreciated
[12:53] ***BH***: thank You
[12:54] ***DS***: i'll be seeing you around and 'till next time, i'll see if i can better hone my skills, i know but it's a small token for this vast knowledge, thanx again
[12:54] ***DS***: toodle loo,
[12:55] ***DS*** similes and waves goodbye
[12:55] Pirate Russell: Okie doke
[12:55] Pirate Russell: ciao for now

Erotic Humiliation - 8/11/09

2009-08-11T13:35:00.000-07:00

[12:07] Pirate Russell: OK, those that will, please turn off any radars, MystiTools, etc., to help with the Horrendous lag
[12:08] Pirate Russell: Please take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[12:08] Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! As most of y'all know, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor. I have been in SL for 3 1/2 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[12:08] Pirate Russell: Hiya ***AL***, just geting started!
[12:08] Pirate Russell: For any that need to leave early, all transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[12:08] ***AL***: hello
[12:09] Pirate Russell: .
[12:09] Pirate Russell: Erotic humiliation: The consensual use of psychological humiliation in a sexual context, whereby, at least, one person gains arousal or erotic excitement from the powerful emotions of being humiliated and demeaned, or of humiliating another;
[12:09] Pirate Russell: often (but not always) in conjunction with sexual stimulation of one or both partners in the activity. The humiliation need not be sexual in itself, as with many other sexual activities it is the feelings derived from it which are sought,
[12:10] Pirate Russell: regardless of the nature of the actual activity.
[12:10] Pirate Russell: Consider that the desire to be beneath the other partner during intercourse,the idea of "getting caught" such as with having sex in the garden or woods, or mild rape fantasies (where the person imagines themselves to be forced in a way they would like,
[12:10] Pirate Russell: and which must be seen as completely different to any real form of rape), are mild emotional games that emphasise status, vulnerability and control.
[12:10] Pirate Russell: However, for most people such ideas remain a fantasy and they would have strong reservations about it being made public, or engaged in with a partner for real, however erotic the idea may be.
[12:11] Pirate Russell: If a person does reveal their fetish to their partners, this usually is a result of a huge amount of trust invested in them, due to the similarly huge psychological struggle they would have had to have gone through to tell them.
[12:11] Pirate Russell: Many people have the worry of being ridiculed for their fetish, and such ridicule from their partners could be psychologically catastrophic.
[12:11] Pirate Russell: Therefore, many people use online humiliation (where the humiliator and others are involved via the internet using chat, websites, SL, etc.) as a compromise between exhibitionism and reality on the one hand, and safety and anonymity on the other.
[12:12] Pirate Russell: Humiliation can be verbal or physical, and can be relatively private or public.
[12:12] Pirate Russell: For ***MS*** here, it's gonna be quite public!
[12:12] Pirate Russell: Often it can become ritualized, and unlike some sexual variations it can also be easily carried out over a long distance or online.
[12:12] Pirate Russell: The distinction between humiliation and dominance in an activity such as erotic spanking is that the sought-after effect is primarily the humiliation; the activity is just a means to that end.
[12:13] Pirate Russell: While mild or moderate humiliation is not an uncommon part of BDSM or other sexual roleplay, humiliation play can be taken to a point where it becomes emotionally or psychologically distressing to one or the other partner.
[12:13] Pirate Russell: Erotic humiliation can become extreme enough to be considered a form of edgeplay, that some consider may best be approached with advance negotiation and use of a safeword.
[12:13] Pirate Russell: This is a highly subjective issue, and depends greatly on the participants.
[12:14] Pirate Russell: .
[12:14] Pirate Russell: ~Humiliation is not the same as dominance, as the devotee is not necessarily seeking to be ordered about.
[12:14] Pirate Russell: Humiliation comes into its own as a sexual force when the devotee seeks the humiliation over and above the means; for example, when being spanked is primarily valued because of the belittlement involved.
[12:14] Pirate Russell reaches under ***MS***s dress and spanks her twice.
[12:15] Pirate Russell: As such, it encompasses a range of paraphilia (abnormal sexual activity), in particular foot fetish or shoe fetish, body worship, spanking, bondage and most BDSM styles.
[12:15] Pirate Russell: It can be as basic as the desire to kiss and massage feet as a precursor to sex, or it can be complex, involving roleplay or public displays of subservience.
[12:15] ***MS*** casts her eyes down, so as not to make eye contact with her friends and blushes profusely at the sudden spanking.
[12:15] Pirate Russell: It can be for a set period of time (a "scene") or as an ongoing facet of a relationship.
[12:16] Pirate Russell: The "humiliation" is not intrinsic to the act or the object. Rather, symbiotic, a relationship beneficial to each charged, by the shared attitude of the partners engaged in the act.
[12:16] Pirate Russell: It is they who invest specific acts, objects or body-parts with a humiliating aspect.
[12:16] Pirate Russell pulls up the front of ***MS***'s skirt, "Like this body part!", then lets the skirt fall back
[12:17] Pirate Russell: .
[12:17] Pirate Russell: ~ Means of Humiliation
[12:17] ***MS*** cries out at the sudden exposer, turning yet a deeper shade of red......
[12:17] Pirate Russell: Sexual humiliation is very open-ended. Broadly, it can be divided into verbal and physical aspects.
[12:17] Pirate Russell: *Verbal aspects of this might include:
[12:17] Pirate Russell: ** Mockery, derision and ridicule.
[12:18] Pirate Russell: ** Verbal belittlement, such as "slave", "boy", "girl", "missy", "pet".
[12:18] Pirate Russell looks over at girl
[12:18] Pirate Russell: ** Insults and verbal abuse, such as "fat", "ugly", "stupid", "worthless".
[12:18] Pirate Russell: ** Degrading references, such as "slut", "tart", "bitch" and "whore".
[12:19] Pirate Russell: ** Slighting of body parts or behaviors, such as disparaging or cruel references to breasts, facial appearance, genitalia or genital size, bottom, and slighting of mannerisms such as walking, responsiveness, standard of self-care.
[12:19] Pirate Russell: ** Having to ask permission for everyday activities such as going to the toilet, spending money or eating.
[12:19] Pirate Russell: ** Small breasts humiliation, where scorn is addressed over the supposed inadequacy of the adult female's breasts, or her inability to please a man (and by implication her essential worthlessness as a woman), and her breasts become objects of fun.
[12:20] Pirate Russell looks over at girl, "Nope, no small breast humiliation here! he he
[12:20] Pirate Russell: ** Small penis humiliation, where scorn is addressed over the supposed inadequacy of the adult male's genitals, or his inability to please a woman (and by implication his essential worthlessness as a man), and his penis becomes an object of fun.
[12:21] Pirate Russell pulls up the skirt again, "Nope, no small penis humiliation, either!"
[12:21] ***LT***: bad when get a birthday cake your old and have a small penis
[12:21] Pirate Russell: ** Forced repetition, such as being obliged to repeat back commands to confirm them.
[12:21] ***MS*** is glad she doesn't have a small penise she didn't know about.
[12:22] Pirate Russell lets the skirt back down again
[12:22] Pirate Russell: ** Forced flattery, such as agreeing that every decision that the dominant makes is wise, correct, and justifiable, while additionally praising the dominant's physical and personality traits.
[12:22] Pirate Russell: ** Reduction to Human animal roleplay or human pet, referring to these individuals as pet, dog, girl, bitch, or making them eat and drink from pet food and water bowls.
[12:22] Pirate Russell: or cows?!
[12:22] ***ES*** moos!
[12:22] ***LT***: ears perk up
[12:23] ***CT*** moos!
[12:23] Pirate Russell: .
[12:23] Pirate Russell: *Physical Humiliation:
[12:23] Pirate Russell: Some sexual humiliation involves inflicting pain, but much of it is far more concerned with ridicule, mocking, degradation and embarrassment.
[12:23] ***LT***: only when she is hooked to the milk machine
[12:23] ***AL***: ***ES*** your not a cow
[12:23] ***ES*** moos!
[12:23] Pirate Russell: ((Cross talk to IM, please!))
[12:23] Pirate Russell: Physical and tangible aspects might include:
[12:23] Pirate Russell: ** Wearing of external signs of "ownership", such as a collar.
[12:24] Pirate Russell: ** Forced to wear a gag and/or restraints on the body.
[12:24] Pirate Russell: ** Prohibitions or restrictions on clothing, even in public. For females a common example is being mandated to only wear revealing bikinis or lingerie. For men, this may include feminizing or cross-dressing.
[12:24] Pirate Russell pulls ***MS***s dress over her head dropping it to the floor
[12:24] Pirate Russell: Both sexes may be expected to go completely nude, with decorative objects such as collars, bands, tiaras, or cuffs being the only exceptions.
[12:25] Pirate Russell: ** Having friends, family or strangers aware of or witnessing one's treatment (i.e.: public humiliation).
[12:26] Pirate Russell looks at the friends that ***MS*** wouldn't look at earlier
[12:26] Pirate Russell: ** Use of chastity belts or other means of erotic sexual denial.
[12:26] Pirate Russell: ** Suppressed freedom of movement. This may include never being able to leave the room in which the dominant is present without permission, and may be forbidden to leave the house or 'dungeon' in general for the duration of slavery or servitude.
[12:26] ***SB***t: ^^ perks up at chastity belt
[12:26] Pirate Russell: ** Frequent performance of passive-aggressive sexual services for the dominant, such as erotic massage, cunnilingus, analingus, or fellatio, without expectations of reciprocal acts or intercourse.
[12:27] Pirate Russell: ** Specific rituals and affectations to be adopted. This includes displays of subservience, such as, walking a pace behind the dominant, only speaking when spoken to, kneeling or prostrating in front of the dominant when expecting orders,
[12:27] ***MS*** struggles to keep her hands at her side, feeling utterly exposed.
[12:28] Pirate Russell: eating only after others or on the floor, low status place to sleep, and a wide variety of body worship activities such as kissing and/or licking the dominant's feet, boots, buttocks, anus, vulva etc. to express acknowledgment, subservience, shame, or eve
[12:28] Pirate Russell: ** Spanking, whipping, restraint or other BDSM activities such as cock and ball torture (CBT).
[12:29] Pirate Russell: ** Performance of menial tasks or abusive workload, such as cleaning the floors with a toothbrush.
[12:29] Pirate Russell picks up the dress, keeping it from girl, "That will be all ***MS***."
[12:29] Pirate Russell: girl may sit
[12:29] ***MS*** sighs. Thank you.
[12:29] Pirate Russell: ** Detailed punishments for a variety of 'infractions' or misbehavior, such as having to stand in a corner facing a wall for several hours, flogging or whipping, reduced rations, or forced exercise.
[12:30] Pirate Russell: ** Roleplaying "lower status" beings, such as animals (for example dog or horse) or babies (see human animal roleplay, pup-play and adult baby play).
[12:30] Pirate Russell: Or Cow-play
[12:30] Pirate Russell: ** Ejaculating, farting, defecating, spitting, slapping or urinating on the bottom's body, especially the face.
[12:30] Pirate Russell: ** Erotic objectification, where the bottom is cast in the role of an object, such as a footstool.
[12:31] Pirate Russell: ** Cuckoldry, taking on a third party lover to humiliate the bottom as an expression of the relationship between the top and the bottom.
[12:31] Pirate Russell: ** Having to ask permission to orgasm during sex or masturbation.
[12:31] Pirate Russell: The list is virtually endless, it all depends on what the bottom DOESN'T LIKE!
[12:32] Pirate Russell: Sexual roleplaying may or may not involve humiliation. For example, one person might play the part of a dog because they enjoy being mock-forced into it, and the top will emphasize the lowness of the bottom's status as an animal.
[12:32] Pirate Russell: Whereas another person might play the role of the dog without any element of humiliation, simply as an expression of their inner animal or playful spirit.
[12:33] Pirate Russell: .
[12:33] Pirate Russell: ~ Psychology of Humiliation
[12:33] Pirate Russell: Humiliation in general touches strong emotional buttons, the more so when it becomes sexualized.
[12:33] Pirate Russell: Because of this, consent and (paradoxically) a high degree of awareness and communication is needed to ensure that the result is desirable, rather than abusive.
[12:33] Pirate Russell: For example, a submissive may enjoy being insulted in some ways, but be genuinely crushed and devastated if humiliated or insulted in other ways.
[12:34] Pirate Russell: Humiliation play is also connected to sexual fetishism, in that non-sexual activities may become sexualized by association with arousal,
[12:34] Pirate Russell: and also may be associated with exhibitionism in the sense of wanting others to witness (or being aroused by others witnessing) one's sexual degradation.
[12:34] Pirate Russell: For some people, activities such as name-calling are a way of achieving ego reduction or getting over sexual inhibitions.
[12:35] Pirate Russell: For example, between gay people, terms usually associated with homophobia may be used, such as "faggot" or "lesbo."
[12:35] Pirate Russell: As with all sexual activities, some people have sexual fantasies about humiliation, and others actually undertake it as a lifestyle or in a scene.
[12:35] Pirate Russell: Sexual fantasies relating to mild humiliation are not uncommon.
[12:36] Pirate Russell: Some humiliation roleplay (pup-play and age play in particular) is combined with loyalty and care-giving to the extent that these fetishes can be seen as exercises in trust rather than primarily a humiliation fetish.
[12:36] Pirate Russell: .
[12:36] Pirate Russell: ~ Online Humiliation - Why W/we're here!
[12:36] Pirate Russell: Online humiliation is the desire to be seen in a sexually embarrassing context via the internet. This practice allows the submissive to seek fetish partners from across the world.
[12:37] Pirate Russell: * Common methods of online humiliation include:
[12:37] Pirate Russell: ** Public pillory
[12:37] Pirate Russell: ** Embarrassing photographic or video assignments for submissives
[12:37] Pirate Russell: ** The requirement for submissives to keep online journals, detailing personal information such as masturbation frequency and details
[12:38] Pirate Russell: ** Verbal abuse
[12:38] Pirate Russell: ** Publicly bidding for items that reveal their fetishes
[12:38] Pirate Russell: ** Forcing them to go, or taking them to places where nudity isn't the norm
[12:38] Pirate Russell: ** Forcing them to service others in public or private.
[12:38] Pirate Russell: ** Leaving them bound in public places, dressed or not.
[12:38] Pirate Russell: Again, the list is endless, it all depends upon what your submissive finds humiliating, embarassing, or degrading.
[12:39] Pirate Russell: All transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[12:39] Pirate Russell: College of Kink classes Monday 7a, Tuesday & Friday 12:00pm
[12:39] Pirate Russell: Y/you could always check the Search/Events and look for College
[12:39] Pirate Russell: Questions? Comments??
[12:39] Pirate Russell: SpeakEasy HUD detaching...
[12:40] Pirate Russell: Nothing, huh?
[12:42] Pirate Russell: Going once.......
[12:42] Pirate Russell: .............................Going twice............
[12:42] Pirate Russell: .........................................................Gone!
[12:42] Pirate Russell: Class dismissed
[12:43] ***SB***t: thanks Pirate
[12:43] ***ES*** moos!
[12:43] ***MS***: Thank you.
[12:43] Pirate Russell: NOW ya got comments! :sighs
[12:43] ***SB***t claps hands together and looks around for some mischief to get into
[12:43] Pirate Russell: ***AL***, stay behind please
[12:43] Pirate Russell tosses the dress to ***MS***
[12:43] ***MS***: Thank you for my dress.
[12:43] ***SB***t: Uh oh ***AL*** is in Ttttttttrouble.
[12:43] Pirate Russell: Sure
[12:44] ***LT***: interesting subject thanks for class pirate
[12:44] ***AL***: hehe
[12:44] ***AL***: i am so not
[12:44] ***ES***: ***AL*** is trouble.
[12:44] ***AL***: hush ***ES***
[12:44] ***AL***: i am only a good girl always
[12:44] ***AL***: mostly
[12:44] Pirate Russell: Not interesting enough for any discussion, though.
[12:44] ***SB***t snaps gum and thinks, I wonder what Principal Pirates office looks like
[12:45] ***ES*** is the only innocent one in the whole bunch.
[12:45] Pirate Russell: Oh, well. Guess that's My fault

The Collar: History and Symbolism 8/10/09

2009-08-10T16:38:00.001-07:00

[07:02] Zealot Benmergui: OK, we will give latecomers a few minutes, then after that, we go up and pillage their villages and steal their women
[07:02] ***SW***: Remember it's pillage THEN burn
[07:02] ***vP***: lol
[07:03] Zealot Benmergui writes that on a post it note
[07:04] ***MS*** giggles. So we shoot now, ask ***pQ***ons later?
[07:05] Zealot Benmergui: Absolutely
[07:06] Zealot Benmergui: OK, if everyone could find seats, or the closest equivilant, we can get started in a moment
[07:08] Zealot Benmergui: OK, lets go ahead and get started...lots to cover, ann then we have group sex afterwards
[07:08] Zealot Benmergui: Welcome A/all to the House of V’s College of Kink. My name is Zealot Benmergui, Baron BardHaven and I will be your host today. Some of you may know me from lecturing here at House of V and other locations around the grid. Others of you may know me from my recent book tour, autographing copies of my most recent autobiography, “The DaVinci Cock – The harrowing almost-true life story of an undercover transvestite metrosexual sodomite in Vatican City and the Pope who loved him.”
[07:10] Zealot Benmergui: The topic for today is The Collar: History and Symbolism and we will be looking a little bit at the tradition of collaring, what it means and what it doesn’t mean in a D/s relationship. Please note that for the purpose of clarity, I will tend to use “she” to refer to a submissive and “he” to refer to a Dominant, but either can be of any gender. Your humble lecturer WILL accept tips, but they must be paid to me directly, if you are so inclined, thank you.
[07:11] Zealot Benmergui: Historically, collars have been used to denote slavery in its myriad forms since before the age of Rome, and in fact many museums from around the world have excellent examples of them on display…unscripted of course, and few if any have things like Lord MongrelCock’s Naughty Little Taxbreak inscribed on them. The term Collar was originally Latin, Collare, which became ***CF***r in Middle English in the 14th Century.
[07:11] Zealot Benmergui: A later related term, Coffle, was coined in the 1700s for a series of Collars connected in a chain. Not to be confused of course with a Quaffle Coffle, which is a series of six Hogwort’s students being fucking on broomsticks.
[07:12] Zealot Benmergui: Or fucked BY broomsticks, Rowling was never clear and anyway, she was distracted trying to find her panties
[07:12] ***pQ*** giggles at the sudden visual
[07:13] Zealot Benmergui: In reality Coffles and the Collars we have discussed thus far were all used by the formal slave trade, which usually involved brutal labor and rapid death…and not many sets of silks or orgasms. However, there IS a historical precedence for the collar as a symbol of a person being owned sexually or controlled by another, just as there is historical precedence for certain subs being Slut Toys.
[07:13] Zealot Benmergui: The collar, in the context most of you likely see it in, as a neckpiece of leather, metal or both designed to be used both as a restraint and a symbol of slavery or submission, actually comes down to us mainly from literature and entertainment, especially the large metal forms covered in D rings.
[07:14] Zealot Benmergui: or other spikey bits
[07:14] Zealot Benmergui: For one thing, in historic practice large metal collars tended to be unworkable for daily use (except in transport) for most real slaves as they tended to get in the way and cause potentially fatal neck ulcerations, despite what we may see in old Steve Reeves movies. Same with all that baby oil. Just didn’t happen much on the road from Kush to Ninevah. If you expect the collar to flat out kill your sub, you are one tough assed Dominant indeed.
[07:15] Zealot Benmergui: The first solid source of modern collar imagery comes from what I feel is the Ur-text of modern D/s (ignore the awful movie version), Histoire d'O or The Story of O, written by Dominique Aury
[07:15] Zealot Benmergui: aka Pauline Réage
[07:16] Zealot Benmergui: aka Anne Desclos.
[07:16] Zealot Benmergui: Apparently to write smut in the 50s, you needed LOTS of names. It was published in French in 1955, and the author was brought up on obscenity charges, which were eventually dismissed. It was critically acclaimed in France, much like Jerry Lewis, but not published in English until 1965.
[07:17] ***SS***: Z, I brought a friend, ***CF***
[07:17] Zealot Benmergui: Fortunetly however, it was availkable int he french version in England, so school boys were able to improve there french verbs while jerking off.
[07:17] ***CF*** chuckles
[07:18] ***SS***: Wow, I missed a lot
[07:18] Zealot Benmergui: Welcome...have a seat...we just got to the schoolboys jerking off point....so you're in luck
[07:18] ***CF***: lol
[07:18] ***vP***: loool
[07:18] ***SS***: woopsie
[07:18] Zealot Benmergui: I won’t go into the plot here, and if you haven’t read it you should or watch the cartoon version every Saturday morning on ABC this season…but it brought the concept of sexual domination into the modern consciousness. That book made the collar, and BDSM in general, an established “kink”, both in porn and popular understanding. It was now something bad girls did. Classy, arty bad girls. The best kind.
[07:19] Zealot Benmergui: In no small part we owe modern BDSM and D/s to The Story of O...both the best and most beautiful parts and the somewhat brutal silly parts as well.
[07:19] ***XF***: i have read that good book
[07:19] Zealot Benmergui: Beyond The Story of O, modern collars also owe major debts to Norman’s Gor books, begun in the 1960s, and the gay leather movement of the 70s which was looking for a dramatic, visceral symbol of the master/slave dynamic. Both were major parts of promoting collars as a modern day sex toy and also made them infamous in mainstream culture, porn and in junior high school bathrooms worldwide.
[07:20] Zealot Benmergui: Sources like that connected to what both we in the lifestyle and the mainstream envision when we discuss a BDSM collar, but not really to what they mean in modern D/s relationships. D/s as a lifestyle is far more diverse now then was ever imagined in Gor or Roissey and encompasses lots of different personalities, goals and fetishes. Of course, there are people who are involved in Gorean relationships or strict power exchange as was part of Story of O, but the majority of people are involved in Chinese Menu style D/s…one from Column A, two from Column B. Therefore, the meaning and significance of collars can vary.
[07:21] Zealot Benmergui: Not to mention LOTS of Fortune Cookies
[07:22] ***SS***: but in O, it was her will to please Rene, and then Stephen more than it was her choice to give herself to one, or many in her case
[07:22] Zealot Benmergui: To people who are just involved in BDSM as a sexual kink, likely amongst many kinks they enjoy, a collar is just a toy used to hold someone in place. To someone involved in Domination and submission, a collar is a symbol of commitment or a statement of being part of the D/s lifestyle, to a Mistress and slave, it is ownership…for some, it is all three or any combination thereof...or like, just a really bitchin’ choker.
[07:22] Zealot Benmergui: Nods...things have developed since O...but the basic language that we use tends to derive from O
[07:22] ***PM*** chuckles at the analogy
[07:23] ***SS***: and it was a ring for her once the "initiation was completed, and of course the brand"
[07:23] Zealot Benmergui: nods....both of which have been mainly lost....some people do use rings in rl, a few even brands
[07:24] ***SS***: isn't that what a wedding band is?
[07:24] ***SS*** giggles
[07:24] Zealot Benmergui: but the Collar has become the cominant symbol..mainly because it is more unusal and sexy...and doesn;t involve burning flesh
[07:24] ***CF***: lol
[07:24] Zealot Benmergui: *domiant
[07:24] Zealot Benmergui: *dominant
[07:24] ***pQ*** is all for avoiding burning flesh
[07:24] Zealot Benmergui: there, damn it
[07:24] ***XF***: no thats the tird ring of marriage - suffering lmao
[07:24] ***vP***: lol
[07:24] ***PM*** rubs Phe's thigh and grins
[07:24] Zealot Benmergui: and we will get to weeding rings in a minute, darling ***SS***
[07:24] ***SS***: they also use the alternative of Tattooing now
[07:25] ***vP***: ouch
[07:25] ***pQ*** considers needles and thinks maybe burning won't be so bad
[07:25] Zealot Benmergui: wedding..sorry folds, these are loaner hands, my own were hacked off by rabid weasals last night at a basketball game
[07:25] ***CF***: lol
[07:26] ***CF***: When will the government do something about the rabid weasel menace?
[07:26] Zealot Benmergui: Tattoos are also tricky, since what do you do if the relationship goes bad, or you marry someone later on who doesn;t nessacerily want your thigh to say LordNoxious' Fucktoy
[07:26] ***SS*** giggles
[07:26] Zealot Benmergui: or what if you become a nun?
[07:26] ***XF*** whispers: long pants???
[07:26] ***vP***: ahahahaa
[07:26] ***pQ***: whiteout?
[07:26] Zealot Benmergui: most convents actually require sisters to be in the nude once the doors are closed
[07:26] ***SS***: then you are enslaved to god, and the house of religion all the priests that aren't gay
[07:27] ***SS***: did I say that out loud?
[07:27] ***XF***: what????
[07:27] Zealot Benmergui: so you change the tattoo to read Jesus' Fucktoy?
[07:27] ***XF***: lmfaoi
[07:27] ***SS***: ooo mhmm
[07:27] ***vP***: is a catholic believes what Popes says...
[07:27] Zealot Benmergui: last thing I heard a Pope say was "No teeth, just lips, ya punta"
[07:28] ***vP***: right:P
[07:28] ***SS*** chuckles
[07:28] Zealot Benmergui: anyway, now that I have valiated my ticket to hell again, going on
[07:28] ***vP***: i ll use lips next time i promise:P
[07:28] ***XF***: omg
[07:28] ***XF***: lmfao roflmfao
[07:28] ***SS***: if I may Z
[07:28] Zealot Benmergui: please Seera dear
[07:28] Zealot Benmergui holds out his ticket
[07:29] ***SS***: the symbolisim, of a D/s relationship, is what the two put into it, what they believe it to be, some insist on a collar, ring, or brand... tattoo...
[07:29] ***XF***: well atleast it was just a ticket
[07:29] Zealot Benmergui: nods....exactly, which we will be coming to
[07:29] ***vP***: give her your ticket:P
[07:30] Zealot Benmergui: In Second Life and through the online BDSM community the Collar tends to take on even greater significance. With the lack of direct physical contact, and often limited time, symbols such as collars can become a vital lifeline and connection between Dominant and submissive. They can become a reminder of an often tenuous and hard to define relationship. In addition, certain collars may have certain roles.
[07:30] ***XF***: ticket for the spot he is in i think he was trying to be polite
[07:31] ***SS***: others it's the inner devotion of what they believe, most of the realism of the commitment is with the women, and how they feel... personally, I believe in devotion, honor, and dedication towards him....no ring, brand, collar, or anything else will bring that to anyone
[07:31] ***vP***: raises her hand...
[07:31] Zealot Benmergui: Polite, since when...I thought she could validate it for me...kerPUNCH
[07:31] Zealot Benmergui: Yes ***vP***dear
[07:31] ***vP***: about collars... isnt it a way to tell to other... stay away this one belongs to me?
[07:31] Zealot Benmergui: Some use it that way, certainly
[07:32] ***vP***: this is what i saw from most of Masters in here
[07:32] ***SS***: do collars always look, like they do here?
[07:32] ***XF***: no there a tad more realistic i rl
[07:32] ***SS***: some subs, slaves are not "retricted" not even in real
[07:32] Zealot Benmergui: Some women also wear dummy collars to dissuade trolls, Doms who climb into their IM box with "KNEEL SLUT FOR I AM MORGOTH THE UNSHRIVEN AND I WANT SOME POONTANG
[07:32] ***SS***: See that is another thing
[07:32] ***vP***: ouch
[07:33] ***CF***: I think it's more effective to have the sub's heart tell the others to stay away. ;)
[07:33] ***vP***: so fuckin right
[07:33] ***SS***: I had someone speak to me, wnating something
[07:33] ***SS***: it is my right, and will, to say yes or no
[07:33] ***XF***: omfg
[07:33] ***SS***: so I said no
[07:33] ***SS***: cause I can
[07:33] ***SS***: so many think, a collar means weakness
[07:34] ***CF***: Takes a lot of inner strength to kneel, it should be respected.
[07:34] ***SS***: it means a woman is "allowing" herself to be what she wants to be, the level of comfort, she desires"
[07:34] ***PM***: If it is a true Master with a true connection the sub will want to kneel and obey, otherwise it is only words
[07:34] ***vP***: agrees
[07:34] ***XF***: so wh ya collar???
[07:34] ***SS***: Pakur... does that also mean you are always called Master?
[07:34] Zealot Benmergui: smiles
[07:35] ***PM***: when I rp in Gor yes
[07:35] ***SS***: or Sir from every slave?
[07:35] ***SS***: Gor, "spits"
[07:35] ***PM***: otherwise it depends
[07:35] ***PM***: you don't have to agree with me my dear
[07:35] ***vP***: someone yeled on me cause i didnt call him Sir at HoV...
[07:35] ***SS***: I don't
[07:35] ***SS*** smiles
[07:35] ***PM***: but you are being rather rude
[07:35] Zealot Benmergui: OK, lets slow down for a second..all of this is excellent, but lets get through some more points first
[07:35] Zealot Benmergui: especially before we all start spitting
[07:35] ***vP***: lol
[07:35] ***SS***: I did already, sorry Z
[07:36] Zealot Benmergui: s'ok...you looked good doing it
[07:36] Zealot Benmergui: going on...
[07:36] Zealot Benmergui: There are such things as Collars of Consideration which some people use when thinking if a relationship suits both parties, or a Collar of Training for a learning situation. There is also a Collar of Protection, which some subs use mainly to hold off other Dominants offering them collars, or banging them on the head with virtual clubs and forcing them on them if they are in a bad Gorean RP. Finally, a Formal Collar is usually considered to be a permanent expression of submission or slavery.
[07:36] Zealot Benmergui: As ***SS*** rightly noted, Collars are not required equipment. Many D/s relations do not involve a public collar at all, depending on mutual agreement and acceptance of the Dom/sub relationship without requiring such public statements. Each relationship varies, but the Collar is almost always a major symbol, for better or worse.
[07:37] Zealot Benmergui: To all who wear one, or give one, a collar is a potent and powerful symbol of possession, or commitment, or pleasure…or even of personal preference or style. In the end, that symbol can be anything, not just a neck piece. Collars tend to be easiest however since they are more or less accepted as the de facto BDSM relationship symbol, like a kinky wedding ring. Some people opt also to use a real world counterpart for the Sl collar, be it an actual collar or another piece of jewelry.
[07:38] Zealot Benmergui: Therefore, the nature of a collar is highly individual, changing depending on the people involved, and the nature of their relationship. There is no RIGHT or WRONG collar. What works for one person may be anathema to another and what turns one girl on may turn another off, and cause yet a third to contact the FBI. However, I have a few thoughts on what characteristics make for a successful collaring, and which to avoid.
[07:40] Zealot Benmergui: First of all, a Collar (or the agreement behind one) should be a serious step in a relationship, whatever the relationship. It should be given only after a great deal of contemplation and thought and much discussion. ..and never until things are quite certain and well understood. When a formal collar is offered and accepted, there should be no surprises or secrets if possible…it is the end of one phase of a relationship and the beginning of a new one. We have all seen the chaos caused by collars given too casually, and then removed too easily. Such behavior undermines the entire structure of D/s in that it cheapens something which many hold to be sacred. The term Velcro Collar is now generally accepted, and hated in D/s like Brussels sprouts at the day care center. Think of such a collar as getting married three times, in a week.
[07:40] Zealot Benmergui: To the same person.
[07:41] Zealot Benmergui: Secondly, a collar should not be given quickly. I know we are all brought up on the concept of whirlwind courtships and getting swept off our feet…but in practical terms getting swept off your feet means you are about to fall down the stairs. Falling hard for someone is a great excuse to spend the weekend lashed to the couch getting your brains fucked out…not a good reason to accept a collar.
[07:42] Zealot Benmergui: Again, think of a collar like a wedding ring, and remember what we are taught by television about accepting sudden proposals in a wave of excitement. You will soon either be an alibi, or a plot device after asking “Honey, what is this big blood soaked mailbag doing in the back of your boat?” or “Why no, I have never thought about bearing Satan’s child, why?”
[07:42] Zealot Benmergui: Lastly, both parties should be sure what it means to them, and what it means to the other person involved. I have seen too many couples torn apart because one expected a collar to mean something the other wouldn’t have even thought of. Symbols are great, as long as they mean the same to all involved…otherwise what is supposed to give unity and security will just sow confusion and pain, and not the GOOD kinds of confusion and pain
[07:43] Zealot Benmergui: Collars are often spoken of by submissives as their starry eyed goal, the way some people in real-life crave a white picket fence or Megan Fox covered in cocoa powder. One should never lose sight of the fact that a collar should be an expression of a mature, full relationship between a Dom and a sub, not as a replacement for the same.
[07:43] Zealot Benmergui: Now then, lets go back to some of the points that were being raised...
[07:44] Zealot Benmergui: mainly of the fact that a Collar is something that SYMBOLIZES a relationship...some people use them, some don;t
[07:44] Zealot Benmergui: I have given two collars in SL over 4 years....
[07:44] ***vP***: speachless for the first time...
[07:44] Zealot Benmergui: but have been Dominant in many relationship that had no need for such formal symbols
[07:45] Zealot Benmergui: Collars are often seen as a way to mark someone, perhaps make clear that no one else is to be with them or play with them...
[07:46] Zealot Benmergui: so Collars are more often found in Exclusive or semi-exclusive relationships...it doesn;t mean the emotions involved in other relationships are less valid, just less in need of a physical symbol
[07:46] Zealot Benmergui: And of course, collars take on different meanings depending on the community
[07:47] Zealot Benmergui: in Gor, a colar means something different then they do here at House of V, for example
[07:47] Zealot Benmergui: How many of you have actually worn a collar online?
[07:47] Zealot Benmergui: or given one
[07:48] ***pQ***: has worn three, and one of consideration, in two years
[07:48] Zealot Benmergui: What did they mean to you?
[07:49] ***CF***: It was an outward expression of an inward reality. It's a symbol - not to mention, the easiest way to get the animations in one place.
[07:49] ***pQ***: a commitment beyond the level of casual relationship ... i have worn them in and out of Gor... the meaning changes with the relationship. love, commitment, ownership, obedience... many things
[07:50] Zealot Benmergui: nods..would you say each one was different?
[07:50] ***pQ***: as individual as the people involved in the relationship
[07:50] ***pQ***: and as unique as their relationship
[07:51] ***CF*** smiles
[07:51] Zealot Benmergui: nods..exactly...Collars can mean vastly different things depoending on what we wish them to
[07:51] ***vP***: worn someones collar only for 3 days and now i have my own for personal reasons
[07:51] Zealot Benmergui: People tend to ASSUME a collar has one or two meanings..depending on their views on BDSM
[07:51] Zealot Benmergui: nods...you have one to wear when you feel that NOT being collared will make you stand ou, or put you under pressure?
[07:52] ***vP***: its more for protection and rp
[07:52] Zealot Benmergui: nods
[07:52] ***vP***: i always have it but invisible
[07:52] Zealot Benmergui: the same sort of concept...and such dummy collars are actually quite common
[07:52] ***pQ***: being an uncollared sub is very stressful... in Gor impossible, but even out of it, hard
[07:53] ***vP***: exactly
[07:53] Zealot Benmergui: Well, it opens you to the normal concept..So if you are submissive, you will fuck any body who calls you names right?
[07:53] ***vP***: i have more than 5 offers per day to be collared by someone i dont even know
[07:53] ***vP***: of course not
[07:54] ***pQ***: chuckles thinking of the last time someone took that approach
[07:54] Zealot Benmergui: People, even in the lifestyle, often assume an uncollared sub is an AVAILABLE sub
[07:54] ***vP***: nods
[07:54] Zealot Benmergui: or that they spend their nights praying for some guy in a bad hair style and chaps to come along, collar them, and then ignore them while they play WoW
[07:54] ***vP***: but as i can see... wearing a collar doesnt work at the end
[07:55] ***CF*** chuckles
[07:55] Zealot Benmergui: how so, vita?
[07:56] ***zA***: no it do not ***vP***i know some would take it off and put there on in gor
[07:56] ***vP***: theyuse to read profiles you have to wear collar write there that you have a master
[07:56] ***vP***: or they touches my collar to see who is my master
[07:56] Zealot Benmergui: you need to make a line in your minds between D/s and Gor
[07:57] ***vP***: most of the times i have to be rude or bratt or... bitch to avoid them
[07:57] Zealot Benmergui: Gor is a seperate animal and deserves it;s own attention
[07:57] Zealot Benmergui: smiles at vita...Yes, planty of people who come to D/s sims are complete asshats and very rude
[07:57] ***SW*** raising a hand to ask a ***pQ***on, showing my ignorance proudly
[07:57] Zealot Benmergui: and no collar will stop them
[07:58] ***vP***: smiles shilly
[07:58] Zealot Benmergui: not even putting in your profile that you are exclusive protpery of yoru Master who is a former professional wrestler currently working on training Bolivian hit squads to be tougher
[07:58] ***DM***: and to me those arent true doms...they have no honor or repsect
[07:59] ***vP***: laughts
[07:59] ***pQ***: predators
[07:59] Zealot Benmergui: end story
[07:59] Zealot Benmergui: they want to get laid....
[07:59] ***DM***: lol
[07:59] ***vP***: so i ll be bitch and bratt for life time
[07:59] Zealot Benmergui: and at this point, BDSM is mainstream sexuality in SL
[07:59] ***DM***: sad but true
[07:59] ***vP***: waits for Sean's ***pQ***on...
[08:00] Zealot Benmergui: No, you will have to stand up for your rights and self whther you are sub or Dom, gay or straight, partnered or free....that;s life, vita
[08:00] ***XF***: yes witing
[08:00] ***CF***: No doubt you'll be called a bitch by many a moron whose only dominant stroke is the word "Master" over his name.
[08:00] ***DM*** agrees with Sir ***CF***
[08:00] ***SW***: In SL, are collars not more ... I hesitate to use the word "dangerous", but open to abuse? Or does the wearer have SOME degree of control over them?
[08:00] Zealot Benmergui: often several masters above their name
[08:00] ***vP***: i can live with it Sir ***CF***:)
[08:00] ***DM***: or be made to ***pQ***on Your submissiveness
[08:01] Zealot Benmergui: Master Dominant Masterly Masterguy
[08:01] ***pQ***: laughs
[08:01] ***DM***: superdupermaster
[08:01] ***CF***: lmao
[08:01] ***SW***: Master of Masters
[08:01] ***XF***: where is peoples capital for the M
[08:01] ***XF***: lmao
[08:01] ***vP***: thegreatfuckermaster
[08:01] ***DM*** is a superdupersub lol
[08:01] ***CF***: Fantastic ***pQ***on, Sean
[08:02] ***vP***: and i am wonderwoman Di ahahahaha
[08:02] ***DM***: lol
[08:02] Zealot Benmergui: I have enough trouble remember to capitilize my own name, I don;t worry about any one elses
[08:02] ***DM***: :P
[08:02] ***XF***: giggles
[08:02] Zealot Benmergui: OK, this is unique to Sl Sean
[08:02] Zealot Benmergui: the concept of scripts
[08:02] ***DM*** waits for the answer to Sir Seans ***pQ***on
[08:02] Zealot Benmergui: most collars have a whole bunch of scripts running that do all sorts of things
[08:02] ***XF***: yes very intrigued??
[08:02] ***pQ***: rlv
[08:03] Zealot Benmergui: can anyone just claim control? No, not if you set it right
[08:03] Zealot Benmergui: but most collars also come with features that some people use..I find them distasteful
[08:03] ***XF***: what ?? do you mean set it right?
[08:03] ***vP***: offers a collar to Sir Sean:D
[08:03] ***DM***: pointless thing that rlv....to me anyway
[08:03] Zealot Benmergui: such as logging your subs activities or IMs or being able to know where they are at all times
[08:03] ***pQ***: very easy to be abused, using it, in the wrong hands
[08:04] Zealot Benmergui: if I need that kind of information from a spy script, then why am I with the woman to begin with?
[08:04] ***DM***: submission shouldnt have to be monitored...its a gift given freely
[08:04] ***vP***: right
[08:04] ***CF***: Spot on, Z
[08:04] ***DM*** agrees
[08:04] ***SW***: So a person wearing a collar isn't saying "Come and get me" to all around him/her?
[08:04] ***vP***: i just collared Sr Sean looool
[08:04] Zealot Benmergui: By set it right, all collars can be set to either respond to no one but the wearer, to people on a list of Woners, or to anyone who clicks it
[08:04] ***DM***: no Sir Sean
[08:04] ***MS***: /raises her hand to make a comment.
[08:04] ***vP***: nope Sir
[08:04] Zealot Benmergui: yess Miss***MS***
[08:05] ***SW***: Thank you vita
[08:05] ***vP***: a girl wears collar says dont touch me you gonna lose a hand
[08:05] ***CF***: Usually quite the opposite, Sean.
[08:05] ***MS***: Well, I know some subs like to be controlled in that way. My friend who is collared likes to feel that they are controlled. RLV helps to show that for her.
[08:05] Zealot Benmergui: though Sean, some people SEE a collar as a statement of submission, meaning they must like it when you IM them with "Give me a blowjob!"
[08:06] ***MS***: Whether it be blocking her ims, not letting her TP or what have you. It's a thrilling thing for her.
[08:06] Zealot Benmergui: nods...very true Miss***MS***...RLV stands for Restrained Life Viewer...and it is usually not about a collar
[08:06] Zealot Benmergui: but a Mars ring
[08:06] ***vP***: its up to her i guess...
[08:06] ***DM***: true ***MS***, and thats different..im not saying for everyone..im saying for some...like me...
[08:06] Zealot Benmergui: and yes, some women find that level of filtering very comforting
[08:06] ***pQ***: i like the forcesit and forcestrip features of it, because then i don't know what is coming, i can be pushed against the wall without ((get on the pink ball)) or stripped unexpectedly
[08:07] ***CF***: But notice... that's a submissive's preference, she likes to be controlled in such a way. To have that thrust on you when it's not your cup of tea would be... stressful.
[08:07] Zealot Benmergui: remember, to a great degree all of D/s is about gaining more control over your life...as odd as that sounds
[08:07] Zealot Benmergui: a normal person can;t control who tells them what to do, life does that...
[08:07] Zealot Benmergui: a sub can GIVE that ability to one person
[08:07] Zealot Benmergui: or several people...but they are not just a pawn of fate
[08:08] Zealot Benmergui: they are CHOOSING who they submit to
[08:08] ***DM*** smiles
[08:08] ***vP***: nods
[08:08] Zealot Benmergui: since face it, in life, we all submit to someone
[08:08] ***CF*** nods
[08:08] Zealot Benmergui: all that matters is who is the fucker and who is the fuckee
[08:08] ***DM***: i submit to SL and the lindens all the time lol
[08:08] ***vP***: omg Di lol
[08:08] Zealot Benmergui: don;t we all
[08:08] ***CF*** chuckles
[08:09] Zealot Benmergui: and they have yet to even tell me they love me
[08:09] ***DM***: mean arent they? lol
[08:09] Zealot Benmergui wipes a little Linden cum off his chin
[08:09] ***DM***: lmao
[08:09] ***vP***: lol
[08:09] ***pQ***: waits for the lightning bolt
[08:09] ***CF***: Aww, rolling restarts in the middle of my 1500 prim build... Give it to me, big daddy linden. :)
[08:10] ***vP***: 1500 prim?
[08:10] ***CF*** chuckles
[08:10] ***vP***: Sir ***CF*** i do accept:P
[08:10] ***CF***: At one point, yes. ;)
[08:10] Zealot Benmergui: It is essential to remember that each person's collar means something to them, something unique..and their lack of one may ALSO mean something...or it just may mean they can;t edit the fucker
[08:10] ***SW*** laughs
[08:10] ***DM***: OMG lmao
[08:10] ***DM***: yea taht it..i cant edit the fucker...yea yea thats the ticket
[08:11] ***SS***: mhmm
[08:11] ***DM*** winks at ***SS***
[08:11] ***vP***: omg its 6 o clock...
[08:11] Zealot Benmergui: My Master owns it, y'know, and he is like, gone fishing in Nebraska, so like, I can;t edit it....but yeah, I'm owned and shit...wanna fuck?"
[08:12] ***DM***: o.O
[08:12] ***vP***: i m sorry i have to go....
[08:12] ***DM***: i guess if your unrestricted
[08:12] ***SS***: lol
[08:12] ***DM***: bye vita
[08:12] Zealot Benmergui: be well ***vP***dear
[08:12] ***CF*** wipes a tear at the touching display of devotion
[08:12] ***SS***: See ya Vita
[08:12] ***CF***: Take care, Vita. :)
[08:12] ***SW***: Goodbye vita
[08:12] ***vP***: thank you all for the lovely moments i wish i could stay more
[08:12] ***SS***: The devotion goes both ways
[08:12] Zealot Benmergui: Exclusivity is also a touchy point...I have never had a woman collared to me who was exclusive
[08:12] ***CF***: Does indeed
[08:13] ***SS***: it should never bne one sided
[08:13] ***SS***: be*
[08:13] Zealot Benmergui: to me it is silly to be so in SL...it is a world designed for exploration and learning about yourself..and I am going to tie the poor woman to my hip?
[08:13] ***DM***: i personally wouldnt want to be unrestricted in that sense
[08:13] ***SS***: that destroys it
[08:13] ***SS***: unrestricted doesn't mean you have to accept everyones offer
[08:13] ***CF*** nods
[08:13] ***DM***: what i give to HIm is to Him only though
[08:13] ***AD***: eh .. anything is gonna happen here ?
[08:14] Zealot Benmergui: well remember, when most Doms say Exclusive relationship...they mean she can fuck only him, and he can fuck who he likes, he is after all, the master
[08:14] ***SS***: yes!
[08:14] ***SS***: Exactly
[08:14] ***DM***: yea thats another thing lol
[08:14] ***CF***: I don't restrict my girls, but I am so picky, I end up effectively restricting myself.
[08:14] ***SS***: lol
[08:14] ***SS***: as it should be ***CF***, just cause it is there
[08:14] ***DM*** sighs...oh well..i will remain single and thats that! lol
[08:14] ***SS***: doesn't mean you have to fuck it
[08:14] ***SS***: excuse the language
[08:14] Zealot Benmergui: not a bad thing to be, Not Miss ***DM***
[08:14] ***CF*** grins
[08:15] ***DM***: nope..its actually fun Sir!
[08:15] ***SW*** slips ***DM***my phone number...
[08:15] ***DM*** laughs
[08:15] Zealot Benmergui looks at ***SS***, blinks..andputs the raggedy Ann doll down
[08:15] ***vP***: smacks him
[08:15] ***CF***: lmao
[08:15] ***SS***: a doll?
[08:15] ***SS***: I dun want a doll
[08:15] ***SS*** winks licking her lips
[08:15] ***pQ***: spent a year and a half in a restricted collar... a year and a half of stress and suspicion, more damage than good to the relationship
[08:15] ***vP***: waves bye bye and blows kisses to all
[08:15] Zealot Benmergui kicks the somewhat cum stained ragdoll under the bleachers...
[08:16] Zealot Benmergui: doll, what doll?
[08:16] ***XF***: HKW SSWW&U vita
[08:16] ***DM***: O.O
[08:16] ***CF***: Restricted should be a two way street... and if there is no trust in the relationship, it's going to be emotionally abusive anyway.
[08:16] ***DM***: i agree Sir ***CF***
[08:16] Zealot Benmergui: nods to Miss ***pQ***....I find that usually rigid monogomy in Sl just leads to cheating, lying, and alting...by all sides
[08:16] Zealot Benmergui: collar or no collar
[08:16] ***RM***: ***pQ***...that sounds more like jealousy...how can a Master be jealous? cuz jealousy is nothing but insecurity
[08:16] ***SS***: yes, exactly ***CF***
[08:17] ***CF***: Again... "restricted" means a different thing in Gor... but when you go to Gor, you know you're in for a different world.
[08:17] Zealot Benmergui: nods..GOR is something else completely
[08:17] ***pQ***: it was... stressful, at the very least. but yes, He was very jealous
[08:17] ***SS***: there is no restriction in Gor
[08:17] ***SS***: not in the books I have read
[08:17] Zealot Benmergui: remember, trying to directly equate Gor and D/s is like trying to compare 14th century France and D& D
[08:17] ***DM***: its not impossible to find the monogamus relationhsip..some Masters i think want that *shrugs
[08:17] Zealot Benmergui: sort of similar...but not really
[08:18] ***CF*** chuckles
[08:18] ***XF***: then the Master isnt wanting to be aMaster
[08:18] ***DM***: what?
[08:18] Zealot Benmergui: Some do...but it is few and far between...and remember, look up at the club above us
[08:18] ***DM***: yes i know Sir Zealot
[08:18] Zealot Benmergui: that is House of V, likely the most successful BDSM club in SL currently, and has been for a couple years
[08:19] ***SS***: it is
[08:19] ***SS***: and with good reason
[08:19] Zealot Benmergui: it is filled with subs..whose main sport is taking the men publically claimed by OTHER subs
[08:19] ***DM*** scrunches he rnose
[08:19] Zealot Benmergui: it is the same throughout BDSM online
[08:19] Zealot Benmergui: because BDSM online is a SOCIAL creation
[08:19] Zealot Benmergui: BDSM in rl is far more about couples
[08:19] Zealot Benmergui: here, it is the club scene almost completely
[08:20] ***DM***: hmmm
[08:20] Zealot Benmergui: so there is massive poaching, and constant, massive temptation
[08:20] ***RM***: and that's not necessarily a good thing, especially for ppl who are just learning
[08:20] ***SS***: I am tempted every single day...
[08:20] Zealot Benmergui: I get 10 IMs a day from various clubs I wander through from women
[08:20] ***SW***: Are you saying then there's almost an exhibitionist aspect to clooaring - "look at this little hottie, and she's all mine not yours"?
[08:20] Zealot Benmergui: just checking to see if I am interested
[08:21] ***DM***: well if you ask me...and i know no one did, but not as a sub but as a woman alone they shouldnt be that way
[08:21] Zealot Benmergui: Absolutely
[08:21] ***SW***: *collaring* - apologies for the typo
[08:21] ***DM***: its a relfection of your charector
[08:21] ***DM***: grr i cant spell today
[08:21] Zealot Benmergui: true...but it is also assumed to be the way the social enviornment works
[08:22] Zealot Benmergui: on Facebook you freind a stranger to get to know them...here, you suck their cock...
[08:22] ***SS***: lol
[08:22] ***DM***: its like rl married men..why do women go after em? its sad
[08:22] ***SW***: I'd rather just chat
[08:22] ***DM***: LOL
[08:22] Zealot Benmergui shrugs...C'est la guerre
[08:22] ***SS***: To each thier own
[08:22] ***SS***: ya wanna suck cock, so be it
[08:22] ***DM***: lol
[08:22] ***DM***: i wanna suck cock...but not one that is taken lmaoj
[08:22] ***SS***: ya wanna take 50 collars in three months, so be it
[08:22] Zealot Benmergui: Collars are one element of the social scene, as they are one element of a D/s relationship
[08:23] ***SS***: it is all your choice
[08:23] Zealot Benmergui: exactly...there is that word again..CHOICE
[08:23] Zealot Benmergui: I can't stress that enough, every lecture, every topic..D/s is about CHOICE and CONSENT
[08:24] Zealot Benmergui: a colar is a CHOICE
[08:24] Zealot Benmergui: a lack of one is also a CHOICE
[08:24] ***SS***: I choose to enjoy, myself, others may choose something else
[08:24] Zealot Benmergui: and you consent to what it means
[08:24] Zealot Benmergui: it can;tbe imposed or forced on you...
[08:24] ***DM***: i choose lack of one for now! lol
[08:24] Zealot Benmergui: and yes, people say WELL WHAT ABOUT GOR, YOU QUEER IN A PURPLE SUIT
[08:24] ***CF***: It's important to understand what the expectations are before giving or taking a collar... then it's informed choice, rather than blind choice.
[08:25] Zealot Benmergui: in Gor it is not imposed..you CONSENT to the RP when you go to the Sim
[08:25] Zealot Benmergui: there are billiosn of signs and notecards
[08:25] Zealot Benmergui: it is still CONSENSUAL
[08:25] ***RM***: well, the biggest problem i see is not knowing the difference between D/s and rp
[08:25] Zealot Benmergui: which is always the problem
[08:25] ***SS***: in this place, Gor has lost it' beauty
[08:25] ***DM*** nods
[08:25] ***SS***: completely
[08:25] Zealot Benmergui: she is seeking love..he is seeking something to do while WoW is down
[08:25] ***DM***: lol
[08:25] ***pQ***: i never honor forced collars ooc, unless the forced aspect is previously agreed on for rp
[08:26] ***SS***: yes!
[08:26] ***RM***: lmao exactly!!
[08:26] ***CF*** chuckles
[08:26] ***SS***: don't even get me started on "forced collars"
[08:26] Zealot Benmergui: which is why I said the collar has to mean the same thing to each of you
[08:26] ***CF*** chuckles
[08:26] ***DM***: thats a new subject to me completely!
[08:27] Zealot Benmergui: forced collars are an RP convention....
[08:27] ***DM***: oh..no wonder ok
[08:27] ***SS***: it is BS
[08:27] ***SS***: in any sense of it
[08:27] Zealot Benmergui: but they aren;t forced..it's like puttingyour name in a sweepstakes...you want to be chosen, but don;t know if you will or no
[08:27] ***CF***: Well, again, if you're submissive and standing in a sim where forced collars are allowed... you need to understand that you're prey.
[08:27] ***DM***: hmmm
[08:27] ***SS***: if it is stated, so be it
[08:27] ***SS***: rules are rules
[08:27] Zealot Benmergui: people will TREAT them as real...because most people, are sadly, idiots
[08:27] ***CF*** nods
[08:28] ***CF***: lmao
[08:28] Zealot Benmergui: most decent Gor sims will state that the Collar does not apply out of the Sim
[08:28] ***DM***: i wonder why im scared to venture away from HOV lol
[08:28] ***SS***: yeah right lmao
[08:28] ***XF***: i am an idiot
[08:28] ***XF***: yep
[08:28] ***CF***: Right... It should be real for no more than your current logged on session.
[08:28] ***SS***: exactly
[08:28] Zealot Benmergui: I mean, how can the collar be a symbol of an intelligent lifestyle choice when it is understood if the Master is silent for 20 minutes, the colalr is gone and you have "escaped"
[08:29] ***DM***: dang
[08:29] Zealot Benmergui: how many marriages would survive "If your husband is silent for 20 minutes, you are divorced"
[08:29] ***pQ***: most people i know in Gor have a 3 day cap/force collar limit
[08:29] ***XF***: thats why i aint married .. sheesh .. thanks
[08:29] ***CF*** chuckles... A poaching restriction?
[08:29] ***SW***: PLaying Devil's advocate, how many wives CAN stay silent for 20 minutes... *laughing*
[08:29] Zealot Benmergui: Sean, you are a courageous man
[08:30] Zealot Benmergui: Good bye
[08:30] ***SW***: I'll get my coat
[08:30] ***MS*** snickers.
[08:30] ***CF*** chuckles
[08:30] Zealot Benmergui: run while you can
[08:30] ***CF***: Leave the coat, the claws are already out
[08:30] ***XF***: hey is that why i aint married..
[08:30] ***XF***: lmao
[08:30] ***CF***: Save yourself
[08:30] ***CF***: ;)
[08:30] Zealot Benmergui: Gorean forced collars are not relationship collars, but rp props...
[08:30] ***MS*** didn't know she had her claws out. Opps.
[08:31] ***SS***: usualy
[08:31] Zealot Benmergui: however, I have known some that BECAME relationships
[08:31] ***SS***: usually*
[08:31] Zealot Benmergui: and again, each one is different
[08:31] ***pQ***: yes, usually. some expect it to be honored the same as a willing collar.
[08:31] ***DM***: kind of like a claim here then
[08:31] Zealot Benmergui: some women go to RP sims like that to have the choice totally removed as to WHO collars them
[08:31] Zealot Benmergui: they just want someone to claim them...
[08:31] ***CF***: Right, sometimes the prop becomes real, and that's an individual case basis. Trouble comes when people don't know the difference between the prop and the real thing.
[08:32] ***SS***: bottom line is, you are in control... until you release that control
[08:32] Zealot Benmergui: exactly
[08:32] ***DM***: hit the x button?
[08:32] Zealot Benmergui: Submission is CONSENSUAL
[08:32] Zealot Benmergui: so is accepting a collar
[08:32] ***CT*** sits listerning wondering what the topic was.
[08:32] Zealot Benmergui: never forget the best safe word is always "Get away you fucking freak MUTE EXIT
[08:33] ***DM***: lmao
[08:33] ***SS***: yeah
[08:33] ***RM***: lmao Sir
[08:33] ***SS***: well there are others too
[08:33] ***DM***: dont cry and ask him why he thinks he deserves repsect? lol
[08:33] Zealot Benmergui: MY BOYFRIEND IS A LAWYER is good
[08:33] ***SS***: but always remember that you can say NO
[08:34] Zealot Benmergui: the best safe word, truly, is discussing what you like and dislike, want and don;t want before things go physical at all
[08:34] Zealot Benmergui: but that is often not possible for most on SL
[08:35] Zealot Benmergui: and that is also the best way to accept a collar...after much discussion of what it means and doesn;t mean
[08:35] ***pQ***: people lie so much here... lie like a bad toupe. lots of time is key, time will reveal lies
[08:35] ***CT***: To many take the collar to soon, before realising what it entails, and as such the term velcro collar was born- More so in gor- and please excuse me if i took it off topic.. missed most of the lesson
[08:36] Zealot Benmergui: no, thatis quite fair
[08:36] ***CF***: You're right on topic. ;)
[08:36] Zealot Benmergui: also, people tend to view Collars like sex in the 1950s
[08:36] ***CT*** has experience in both Furry ( as you can see ) and Gor - but i find most do not understand he true meaning of submission
[08:36] Zealot Benmergui: OH gee, I let him have his way with me, now we will marry and be together forever
[08:37] Zealot Benmergui: collars are learning experiences...you will likely wear several in your time online as a sub
[08:38] Zealot Benmergui: part of it is, Miss Trieliss, that each persons submission is their own, and may be true to them
[08:39] Zealot Benmergui: the trick is making sure that the submissive and the Dominant AGREE on what it means, as well as what the collar means
[08:39] Zealot Benmergui: my normal view of submission is a bit less, well..bovine, then yours.,..doesn't make yours any less valid
[08:39] ***CT***: it is also a learning path, for there is no right or wrong to submission and domination, one Dom/me expects one thing.. another somehing else.
[08:39] ***pQ***: so not just consent is important, but *informed* consent, on both parts
[08:40] Zealot Benmergui: absolutely
[08:40] Zealot Benmergui: consent in this context implies informed, intelligent consideration
[08:40] Zealot Benmergui: not SO HORNY FINE FUCK ME AND I WILL WEAR THE STUPID COLLAR THING
[08:40] ***RM***: lmao
[08:41] ***CT*** chuckles.
[08:41] ***SW*** laughs
[08:41] ***pQ***: chuckles
[08:42] ***MS*** grins.
[08:42] Zealot Benmergui: though a lot of women have logged in to find that when they tossed their panties over the Jim Beam bottle last night, they also somehow ended up collared
[08:42] ***CT***: the collar itself is not the submission, for it as useful as a top I wear, .. as submission is form the heart, a sub doesnt have to wear a collar to know whom s/he is. Nor does s/he has to be fucked ( hough that is very nice indeed sometimes )
[08:42] Zealot Benmergui: funny how that works
[08:42] Zealot Benmergui: Absolutely Miss Trieliss, a collar is a symbol, which may or may not be needed, and means something different to each person
[08:43] Zealot Benmergui: let me get a little buiness out of the way quickly...
[08:43] ***CT***: same can be said for guys too Sir can it not? after all "some" guys can be lead by their...................... XD
[08:43] ***RM***: definitely ***CT***
[08:43] Zealot Benmergui: Is there any other way a man is led, Miss Trieliss?
[08:43] ***CT***: Yes.
[08:43] Zealot Benmergui: it sticks a few inches ahead of us for a REASON
[08:43] ***CT***: again its not about the physican sex that can bring either D or s
[08:44] Zealot Benmergui: smiles...quite correct.
[08:44] ***pQ***: mmhmm, love it when a guy offers me a collar 5 minutes after meeting me, and i can tell it's just because he likes my av and wants to fuck me whenever he chooses... NOT
[08:44] ***CT*** grins wickedly " but its a darn good way to lead.. hmm prince alberts "
[08:44] Zealot Benmergui: I hate to break it to you dear, but whenever he chooses will likely mean once, then on to the next
[08:44] ***RM***: yeah what is it about ppl being really turned on by cartoons?
[08:44] ***pQ***: laughs, You don't meet the Men i do, Sir
[08:45] ***SS***: For me
[08:45] ***pQ***: i wish they would move on that easily
[08:45] Zealot Benmergui: then my congratulations to your skill
[08:45] ***SS***: it's the person, behind the computer, the words, the commonalities.. the attraction
[08:45] ***SS***: and that takes time
[08:45] ***RM*** nods at ***SS***
[08:45] Zealot Benmergui: there is a reason why they say the largest sex organ is the brain
[08:46] ***pQ***: any girl who has a decent av and can string a sentence together well, isn't going to get rid of most of them that easily.. no skill needed, i'm not that conceited
[08:46] ***SS***: the initial attraction is there, we are a very visual culture
[08:46] Zealot Benmergui: ok business....please remember to tip your humble lecturer by paying me directly if you so choose..Heroin just keeps getting more expensive
[08:46] ***SS***: yes it is
[08:46] ***CT***: to many though are inpatient, they orefer the click click loving, rather hen the words, the description the emotions and the intesity that good writing can do
[08:46] Zealot Benmergui: remember next week, same day and time here at House of V
[08:47] Zealot Benmergui: and Thursdays, 9 AM SLT at Velvet Thorn, a femdom sim

Jealousy - 8/7/09

2009-08-10T07:22:00.000-07:00

[12:13] Pirate Russell: Ok, please take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[12:13] ***VS***: yes, sorry
[12:13] ***AD***: yes, smiles
[12:13] Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! As most of y'all know, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor. I have been in SL for 3 1/2 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[12:13] ***AL***: well than need to get practicing more.. you in Nordhaven?
[12:13] Pirate Russell: IM Please, that's the cross talk to which I illude
[12:14] Pirate Russell: For any that need to leave early, all transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[12:14] Pirate Russell: DISCLAIMER: I have no training or schooling in Psychology,Psychiatry, or Counseling of ANY kind! All of My observations are from My real life and what I've found on the web
[12:14] Pirate Russell: If you are having problems dealing with Jealousy, PLEASE PLEASE contact a competent professional!
[12:14] Pirate Russell: Jealousy typically refers to the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that occur when a person believes a valued relationship is being threatened by a rival.
[12:14] Pirate Russell: Dr. Jennifer James, author of "Women and the Blues: Passions That Hurt, Passions That Heal", wrote:
[12:14] Pirate Russell: "Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you.
[12:15] Pirate Russell: I'd add that you don't have value to the person that's causing you the pain, not value in general
[12:15] Pirate Russell: There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck.
[12:15] Pirate Russell: Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences."
[12:16] Pirate Russell: Jealousy is an emotion that can be very damaging to ANY relationship. It can also prevent you from growing emotionally.
[12:16] Pirate Russell: It is not the same thing as envy. Jealousy wants what someone else has. Envy is when you don't want someone else to have what you don't have.
[12:16] Pirate Russell: If a person is jealous, they already have what is desired but they are afraid of losing it.
[12:16] Pirate Russell: When you are feeling jealous, you are undergoing an emotional combination of anger, dependency, hurt, and self doubt. When you spend time focusing on what you are not, this is a result of insecurity.
[12:16] Pirate Russell: Sometimes when we are afraid of losing something, we actually cause it to happen because of our actions and behaviors.
[12:16] Pirate Russell: All our thoughts and actions are centered around our fears and insecurities. This causes more fear and insecurity. These feelings cause other harmful feelings and may result in us indulging in self pity.
[12:17] Pirate Russell: What are some ways of dealing with jealousy?
[12:17] Pirate Russell: * Develop independence. We need to be sure we are not overly dependant on any one person. We need to focus on the good things we have and not on what we don't have.
[12:17] Pirate Russell: * Focus on developing more confidence and attractiveness. Sometimes something simple like getting our hair done or changing our style of clothing can help.
[12:17] ***RJ***: i try and focus on positive things instead of falling into a downward spiral
[12:18] Pirate Russell: Yepper, Raiina, that's the idea!
[12:18] Pirate Russell: Taking a course on self esteem or assertiveness is also beneficial.
[12:18] Pirate Russell: * Be honest with yourself. Sit down with paper and list things that are making you jealous. Look at it objectively. Are these things silly or trivial or are they really important?
[12:18] Pirate Russell: * Communicate with the person who is the object of your jealousy. Tell them your feelings. Is that person doing something that is causing you to be jealous? Letting them know can often help the problem.
[12:18] Pirate Russell: If this other person cares for you, they will work on changing the behavior that is adding to your jealousy. Being aware of your feelings can also help you cope better.
[12:19] Pirate Russell: Realize that jealousy shows your lack of self esteem and uncertainty of your own worth. Work on taking a really good self evaluation.
[12:19] Pirate Russell: This experience can be a wonderful learning opportunity for you. Work on communication with other people. Work on developing confidence.
[12:19] Pirate Russell: * Study your rival. Look closely at the person you are jealous about. What do you like and dislike about the person? Are his or her qualities beyond your abilities? Be sure you are not being unrealistic about that person. Are you seeing things as they
[12:20] Pirate Russell: Take control of your feelings. Terminate the relationship if nothing else seems to work. Take the time to concentrate on your own growth. Work at trying to understand and improve your relationship.
[12:20] Pirate Russell: * Do not overreact. Remember, most incidents are temporary so don't magnify what happened.
[12:20] Pirate Russell: Serious jealousy stems from a fear of loss, reputation, control of ourselves, our spouses, or relationships. Losing control of our emotions and feelings will only make things worse.
[12:20] Pirate Russell: Bad reactions to Jealousy can even cause legal problems. I spent almoust 7 years as a Public Safety Telecommunications Officer (Big words for 911 Dispatcher).
[12:21] Pirate Russell: Not one shift went by where I didn't deal with a seriuos domestic problem. Most, I'd wager, stemmed from jealousy. How many of us have read this in or local or national news media, "If I can't have him/her, then nobody can!" I've know that many people
[12:21] Pirate Russell: I, for one, don't want to be someplace I'm not wanted. That's not fun for Me!
[12:21] Pirate Russell: Yipe random trunkation
[12:21] ***VS*** smiles
[12:21] ***LF*** nods
[12:22] Pirate Russell: I know many people have been arrested from jealousy realated issues, when they wouldn't have been arrested otherwise.
[12:22] Pirate Russell: Likewise, I dont' force anyone, particularly My submissives to be with Me if they're not having fun.
[12:22] Pirate Russell: This is part of My Primary rule, that real life comes first, if you're not having fun, let's go do something that is, together or apart!
[12:23] Pirate Russell: I do get jealous sometimes. My girls have significant others with whom they spend time. I INSIST that they do! One has a fiancee, one a girl friend, and another a girl of her own.
[12:23] Pirate Russell: I miss them when they're not around, I am envious of the time they spend away, but I want them to have fun.
[12:23] Pirate Russell: Knowing they're having fun makes it all ok for Me. I want My girls, My friends, My acquaintences, and even most of My enemies to have fun.
[12:23] Pirate Russell: By having other friends, they've places to go have fun when I'm alone with one of the other girls. Even when I'm alone with one, I envy the time that the others spend away.
[12:24] Pirate Russell: I'm going to close today with one of My very favorite quotes on the subject, by Robert A Heinlein,
[12:24] Pirate Russell: "Love" is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
[12:24] Pirate Russell: Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy."
[12:25] Pirate Russell: Citations:
[12:25] Pirate Russell: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jealousy
[12:25] Pirate Russell: http://www.allaboutlifechallenges.org/dealing-with-jealousy-faq.htm
[12:25] Pirate Russell: http://www.todays-woman.net/quoteid-2304.html
[12:25] Pirate Russell: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/r/robert_a_heinlein.html
[12:25] Pirate Russell: Questions???? Comments?
[12:25] ***AL*** looking at Pirate. "No all makes sense"
[12:26] ***LF*** agrees with***AL***
[12:26] ***AD***: nods good things to think about when those feeling happen
[12:26] Pirate Russell: Awww... the discussion is My favorite part! LOL
[12:26] ***VS*** smiles
[12:26] ***LF*** chuckles
[12:27] ***AD***: laughs
[12:27] ***VS***: it is all great advice, indeed
[12:27] Pirate Russell knows good crap when I hear it! LOL
[12:27] ***VS***: but, I mean how does our SL environment affect this?
[12:27] Pirate Russell: er steal it!
[12:27] ***VS***: People do in fact just completely deisappear here
[12:27] ***VS***: they can turn in to other people
[12:27] ***RJ*** nods
[12:27] Pirate Russell: Well, yes, they do, and hat was last week's class, actually.
[12:27] ***AD***: lol
[12:27] ***DM***: well, just as in RL.
[12:27] Pirate Russell: Easier than in RL, can yo udo this in RL?
[12:27] ***VS***: ooh, sorry
[12:28] ***AL***: its the perfect approach, engage, avoid syndrom lol
[12:28] Pirate Russell: he he
[12:28] ***LF***: they just make new avtars when they feel like the pressure is too much
[12:28] ***VS***: Right
[12:28] ***AL***: or they screwed the person over enough
[12:28] Pirate Russell: Or make changes that drive others away!
[12:28] ***VS***: yeah
[12:28] ***DM***: Yeah - it's much easier to get emotinaly involved - you can project much more of your ideal world on people and relations here.
[12:29] ***VS***: last year I met someone who said in his profile, he wanted to make tfewer mistakes and be a better person
[12:29] ***VS***: I took that as like, great this person is going to be careful --
[12:29] ***VS***: nope!
[12:29] Pirate Russell: Yes, and you can talk about embarrassing things and not run into the people later in the Market
[12:29] ***VS***: yes, to ***DM***'s point
[12:29] ***VS***: and that makes it so much harder to contemplate losing that person
[12:29] ***DM*** nods.
[12:30] Pirate Russell: for Instance, I'm NOwhere, as attractive physically as Pirate, but she IS Me!
[12:30] ***DM*** snickers.
[12:30] ***DM***: Me neither.
[12:30] Pirate Russell: emotionally, mentally
[12:31] Pirate Russell: But that's a tad off topic...
[12:31] Pirate Russell: which I have NO Problem with, but let's wrap up jealousy first.. he he
[12:31] ***VS***: yes, I understand
[12:32] Pirate Russell: Anyone else have anything on jealousy?
[12:32] ***VS***: but I guess because people touch us here on those sensitive places,
[12:32] ***DM***: But I'm still thinking about yiour main argument - simply put you said that jealousy is a symptom of low self esteem?
[12:32] ***VS***: and we get close so fast, maybe there is more jealousy, I don;t know
[12:32] Pirate Russell: Yes, I know that many people don't realize the RL impact of playing "this Game".
[12:33] ***DM*** nods.
[12:33] ***AD***: I tend to back away when I get jealous and try to disconnect
[12:33] Pirate Russell: Well, with Jealousy, ***DM***, you already have the relationshiop
[12:33] Pirate Russell: er relationship
[12:34] Pirate Russell: you're afraid that Love will like Me better, and she'll leave you for Me
[12:34] Pirate Russell: If you are self confident, and KNOW her well, you know that even though she'd tied up in My dungeon, she's coming home to you.
[12:34] Pirate Russell: ((NO BULLETS, RANDOM EXAMPLE))
[12:34] ***RJ***: im in a relationship that started here in sl and has crossed over to RL . and i suck at jealousy its a posion
[12:35] ***DM*** nods "Yes - or I could even accept that she may not come back."
[12:35] Pirate Russell: Yes, it will cause you so much doubt in other areas.
[12:35] ***VS***: it is very hard
[12:35] Pirate Russell: yes, it is hard, waiting on someone else to make a decision, even small ones, that affect us directly is the hardest there is, I think!
[12:36] ***DM*** nods.
[12:36] ***LF***: i think you both honest it works better , lying kills it
[12:36] ***VS***: I agree there
[12:36] ***VS***: relationships take a lot of talking
[12:36] ***AD***: yes they do
[12:36] Pirate Russell: Yes, trust will get you thru things that will kill other relationships, lying will ruin an otherwise GREAT relationship
[12:36] ***DM***: ah - that's difficult - if you're really RPing here, it's all a fiction.
[12:37] ***LF***: RPing is diffrent
[12:37] Pirate Russell: Not all, because I draw on experiences, and take some RP stuff to RL, and My hubby's pretty happy 'bout that! he he
[12:37] ***DM***: Yea - but some people UsT play a role.
[12:37] ***AD***: laughs
[12:37] ***DM***: *JUST
[12:37] ***RJ***: ummsometimes the truth is just as painful
[12:38] ***VS***: Yes,
[12:38] ***LF***: Yes
[12:38] Pirate Russell: Is that possible, or do our FL Selves get into that role?
[12:38] ***RJ***: although i respect Him more for being truthful
[12:38] ***VS***: I mean sometimes you *are* going to be left for another person, but -- it is better to know it than have it be behind your back
[12:38] ***VS***: then you are hurt and also, feel like a fool and it ruins your trust in people going forward
[12:39] Pirate Russell: Everyone but 3 people have eventually left Me in RL.... hubby and kids are the ones I count on!
[12:39] ***VS***: it's a reality we have to live with,
[12:39] ***DM***: well, but loss causes pain - that's natural and halthy.
[12:39] ***VS***: the exchange of love that comes before it is worth it
[12:39] ***VS***: but I guess what I want to know is --
[12:39] ***DM***: *healthy
[12:39] Pirate Russell: Yes, I agree, I'm a happy, healthy, person!
[12:39] ***VS***: how not to let the endings get so horrible they sour what came before
[12:40] ***VS***: all things change, eventually
[12:40] Pirate Russell: Absolutely, as the Country song goes.. "You gotta be strong enouth to bend"
[12:40] ***DM***: I think it's a way to deal with it - you think it was all bad to make the loss look smaller.
[12:41] ***VS***: that's true
[12:41] ***VS***: that makes the loss, in reality, so much worse
[12:41] Pirate Russell: Yes, when you're looking back, it's hard to go forward!
[12:42] ***LF***: well you say its a game , but sometimes it hurts more than RL , as you do things here you would never do in RL
[12:42] ***DM*** nods at Vee "Of course it does - because it makes you a fool - having belierved in something that actually was bad. "
[12:42] Pirate Russell: No, I put that in quotes. Some thing it is, 'till they get here and make friends, have relationships, etc.
[12:43] Pirate Russell: er some THINK it is
[12:44] ***VS***: but if in fact you gave and recieved love then, that is healing and good, to look back and say that was false, now that is a worse loss
[12:44] ***VS***: but it is often jealousy that does that, so, it takes two things
[12:44] ***DM***: yes, I agree, ***VS***.
[12:45] Pirate Russell: Well, I strive to give love like I "lend" Money. If Keesha wanted 1000Lindens, I'd give it to her, and if I get it back, great, if not, it's a gift, and I don't need to track her down
[12:45] ***VS***: what can help there, Pirate,
[12:45] ***VS***: cognitively,
[12:45] ***VS***: after it is over, to look back with -
[12:45] ***VS***: fondness?
[12:45] ***VS***: yes
[12:45] Pirate Russell: same with love, I love people cuz I love them, not cuz they love Me!
[12:45] ***VS***: absolutely
[12:46] ***DM***: happiness to have had the liuck to experience the love of a great person - asnd pain to have lost it, I think.
[12:46] ***SF***: What about being with someone that over time, subtly exploits your weaknesses and insecurities....all before you have time to realize that has happened. How does a person recover from that?
[12:46] Pirate Russell: Well, when relationships end, you go the same grieving process as when someone dies.
[12:46] ***DM*** nods at Pirate.
[12:46] ***VS*** smiles
[12:47] ***VS***: yes
[12:47] ***KN***: it's a defensive emotion, when you break up you feel sad, in order to defend yourself and return to content or happy you get angry, often times jealousy will stem from the anger as an attempt to protect oneself even more, they're primal responses like fight or flight, survival of the fittest
[12:47] Pirate Russell: recoginzing that you're gonna be pissed, in denial, etc makes it easier to deal with each one, then get on to remembering the good times
[12:48] Pirate Russell: Might take an hour or a lifetime, though.
[12:48] ***DM***: {sorry - invitee ar CARP}
[12:48] ***KN***: the jealousy feeds off the anger in an attempt to make ones self bigger in a sense hoing to win the lost one back, thusly re-establishing yourself as the 'fittest'
[12:48] ***KN***: hoping*
[12:48] Pirate Russell: yes, ***KN***, if you let it!
[12:49] ***KN***: it's a downward spiral, the trick is recognising the spiral and getting out of it, what seperates man from ape
[12:49] Pirate Russell: And an enemy seen is MUCH more defeatable!
[12:49] ***VS***: very true
[12:50] ***VS***: specially if they can't see you!
[12:50] ***VS***: sun tzu says
[12:50] ***AD***: smiles--love the teachings of sun tzu
[12:50] ***VS***: Pirate, how do you manage jealousy between your subs,
[12:50] ***VS***: when they get jealous of the others spending time with you?
[12:50] Pirate Russell's favorite audiobook is Sun Tzu and the art of war!
[12:51] ***VS***: they are words to live by
[12:51] Pirate Russell: Well, ***VS***, I'm VERY lucky!
[12:51] ***VS***: whoops
[12:51] ***VS***: Hello Master
[12:51] ***AL***: also has an version done for executives to apply to business Krause adapted it
[12:51] Pirate Russell: 2 of My 3 girls that I see regularly, are not the jealous type.
[12:51] ***VS***: Pirate, this is my Master, ***AS***
[12:51] Pirate Russell: Welcome ***AS***
[12:51] ***VS***: /
[12:52] ***AS*** bows......"Hello Pirate......Please excuse my dropping out of the sky like that."
[12:52] Pirate Russell: No worries, you missed My toe! he he
[12:52] Pirate Russell: The 3rd woudn't be happy if she was grafted to My hip 24X7
[12:52] Pirate Russell: It woudn't be enough
[12:52] ***AS***: Mind if I sit?
[12:52] Pirate Russell: I insist!
[12:52] ***AD***: how do you deal with that
[12:53] Pirate Russell: Basically tough love.
[12:53] ***AD***: nods
[12:53] Pirate Russell: I tell her that tonight, I'm going with one of her sisters, or a friend, or whatever.
[12:53] Pirate Russell: It's hard for her, but she's got to deal wit hthat, I can't do that for her
[12:54] Pirate Russell: WB, Love
[12:54] ***AS*** smiles and waves to Love
[12:54] ***VS***: and she does not create problems with the others,
[12:54] ***VS***: or, you knbow, how to describe it,
[12:54] ***VS***: pout and such?
[12:54] ***LF***: ***AS***!, hugs
[12:54] ***AS*** hugs Love
[12:54] ***AS***: Hey there sweetie
[12:54] ***AD***: smiles at them
[12:54] Pirate Russell: No, she tries to guilt Me sometimes, but the others, if she's taking it to them, haven't told Me about it, and at least one of them would, and the 2nd one BETTER! LOL
[12:55] ***AS*** grins.....It's usually polite to ask before you sit on my face love...
[12:55] ***AS*** chuckles
[12:55] Pirate Russell: LOL
[12:55] ***LF***: laughs, "Shuuhhhh"
[12:55] ***VS***: well, that is good
[12:55] ***LF*** will be right back.
[12:55] ***AD***: laughs
[12:55] Pirate Russell: ::pushes Her hair out of Her face & calls 2nds
[12:55] ***VS***: in the past, have yo uhad bad situations with that, that you had to learn how to deal wsith?
[12:56] Pirate Russell: Yes, and it turned out to be THEIR rpoblem, and they've left the family. I have a monogamous relationship in RL, don't want that in SL
[12:56] ***AS*** laughs and wiggles his tongue at Pirate....."Sorry Vee's got first dibs."
[12:56] Pirate Russell: But we talk about it ALL the time
[12:56] ***VS***: Exasctly
[12:57] ***VS***: that issue specifically
[12:58] ***VS***: a lot of people don;t want to accept that, even though at first they say they do
[12:58] Pirate Russell: Yes, and that helps her, and she's not on a lot, so when she is I try to make time for her.
[13:00] ***LF***: I think talking is the main one , then you can both work on it together
[13:00] ***SF***: What is a girl to do when her Master will not discuss the issue? How does a girl work through it then?
[13:00] Pirate Russell: Even if you don't/can't solve the issue, showing that it's not something you're ignoring helps a lot, too.
[13:01] ***LF***: then is he the right Master, if you want to talk about it and he doesn t
[13:01] Pirate Russell: If a girl woudn't discuss things, I'd release her
[13:01] ***KN***: you get rid of that SLaster
[13:02] Pirate Russell: Remember D/s IS a relationship, RL or SL. If you're not in the right relationship, maybe it's time to move on.
[13:02] ***LF***: i think it takes time to find the right person, some think it happens right away , i think it doesn t
[13:02] ***SF***: Already have, just needed to understand things better......know that i wasn't being unreasonable.
[13:03] ***AL***: Excuse us. We don't have much more SL time together today so ***AD*** and I are going to head out. Pirate we enjoy this and would love to attend more sessions.
[13:03] ***AD***: Thank you very much pirate--smiles at her
[13:03] Pirate Russell: ***SF***, sweetie, we're all in SL to have fun. If you're not having fun, go do something, in or out, of SL to have fun!
[13:03] ***LF***: Pirate is was very intresting Thank You
[13:04] Pirate Russell: coming here for pain and crying, unlesss that's your kink, is NOT why I buy Lindens!
[13:04] ***AS*** nods in agreement
[13:04] ***AL***: Good to meet you all and ***VS***; practice!
[13:04] ***VS*** grins
[13:04] ***VS***: I shall
[13:05] Pirate Russell: Thanks for coming!
[13:05] ***AD***: His favorite words *laughs
[13:05] ***SF***: You are very right, and i am slowly mending and getting back to having fun.....i just didn't know much then....
[13:05] ***SF***: Thank You, this was most informative.
[13:05] ***LF***: it takes time , after 2 years i think i have finally lerned to control it well
[13:05] ***VS***: ***SF***, it can really sneak up on you if you are not talking all the time I think
[13:05] ***AD***: be well to all of you:))
[13:06] Pirate Russell: Thatks to y'all, I learn more from y'all, and about Me from the discussions, than I do the research for the talk!
[13:06] ***SF*** smiles, "yes ***VS***, you are so very right."
[13:06] ***AS*** chuckles
[13:07] ***AS***: Yeah......Course Vee says I talk too much...
[13:07] ***AS*** grins at Vee and winks
[13:07] ***VS*** smiles,
[13:07] ***LF*** chuckles to herself
[13:07] ***VS***: I never say that, Master
[13:07] ***VS***: I never would
[13:08] ***VS*** smiles
[13:08] ***AS*** smiles
[13:08] ***AS***: I know
[13:08] ***VS***: well,
[13:08] ***AS***: Vee and I talk a whole lot ***SF***....
[13:08] ***LF*** runs back to CARP "Thank you!, it was very good"
[13:08] ***AS***: And anybody who isn't willing or able to talk.....I probably gonna be difficult to be with in the long run
[13:08] Pirate Russell: Welcome, and thanks, Love
[13:08] ***AS***: Bye love
[13:09] ***SF*** smiles
[13:09] ***VS***: and even with talking a lot we have our moments but it's the talking that gets us past them
[13:09] Pirate Russell: Hell, ***VS***, with TEACHING it I have My moments!
[13:10] ***VS*** laughs
[13:10] ***AS*** chuckles
[13:10] ***AS***: Well, when you make your SL sub cry in RL.....You've probably done something wrong.
[13:10] Pirate Russell: yes, and no, ***AS***.
[13:10] ***VS***: Crying happens, Master
[13:11] Pirate Russell: I've had the most powerful scene with My ibrew, and we both cried
[13:11] ***VS***: it is not always because of an infracxtion of some kind
[13:11] ***AS***: Well
[13:11] ***AS***: I was going to follow with
[13:11] ***AS***: But you're not gonna make it better if you can't talk about it
[13:11] Pirate Russell: all it was was... I have a ruler that spanks several places, and was making her tell Me where to hit her next
[13:11] Pirate Russell: I've got goose bumps now, thinking about it!
[13:12] ***VS*** nods
[13:12] ***SF*** smiles
[13:12] ***VS***: that could be intense
[13:12] ***AS*** nods
[13:12] Pirate Russell: It was, she hit subspace, before either of us knew what it was, I found Domspaice for the first time
[13:12] Pirate Russell: and last time...
[13:12] ***KN***: haha, I was just about to ask if you did
[13:13] ***VS***: Pirate,
[13:13] Pirate Russell: Hubby saw Me crying, and He almost had Me leave SL, until I explained that it was a good thing, like a GOOD book, or Old Yeller.
[13:13] Pirate Russell: yes?
[13:13] ***VS***: ooh, old Yeller, ouch
[13:13] ***VS***: well I was going to ask about those expressions,
[13:13] Pirate Russell: But it was really a 'recreational cry!"
[13:13] ***VS***: I am noew to this life, and I haven;t herard them before, subspace and Dopmspace
[13:14] Pirate Russell: That's a whole other class, but I've heard subspace described as going to a 'place' where a submissive can't look out for themselves, almost a trance
[13:14] Pirate Russell: fueled by endorphins in the brain
[13:15] ***KN***: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Subspace_(BDSM)
[13:15] Pirate Russell: Thanks ***KN***
[13:16] ***KN***: I teach a class on it to ponygirls, who are especialy susceptible to it
[13:16] ***VS***: thank you, ***KN***
[13:16] ***VS***: Really
[13:17] ***VS***: I;ve been trying to catch that ponby class for a long time, it has not worked
[13:17] ***VS***: but I p0lan to
[13:18] ***KN***: subspace in RL can be an addiction, subspace in SL can be extremely dangerous, since SL connections are so unreliable and the care and support required to bring one out of subspace
[13:20] ***VS***: well,
[13:21] ***VS***: I mean I certainly know people who seek that experience, and aren;t to careful about who they are getting it from --
[13:21] ***VS***: that leads to problems for sure,
[13:21] ***VS***: jealousy but lots of others too
[13:21] Pirate Russell: Well, as a radio guy says, dont' believe what you hear, unless its consitant with whatyou already know!
[13:22] ***VS*** smiles
[13:23] ***VS***: well,
[13:24] ***VS***: Pirate I'd like to thank you for the class
[13:24] Pirate Russell: it is TRULY My pleasure!
[13:24] ***VS*** smiles
[13:24] ***VS***: it's good to take the time to think aobut these things with other people who are dealing with them

Expectations and Myth - 8/3/09

2009-08-10T07:19:00.000-07:00

[2009/08/03 7:12] Zealot Benmergui: Welcome A/all to the House of V’s College of Kink. My name is Zealot Benmergui, Baron BardHaven and I will be your host today. Some of you may know me from lecturing here at House of V and other locations around the grid. Others of you may know me as Little Walter the Sheik in the made for cable movie “Lavern and Shirley Return: Brewery Slags” or as the voice of Juan the Bolivian Stableboy in “My Little Pony V: Back Paddock Peccadillos”, released direct to DVD last fall.
[2009/08/03 7:12] ***SA***: hahahahhahahaha
[2009/08/03 7:12] ***MS***: lol
[2009/08/03 7:13] Zealot Benmergui: The topic for today is " Expectations and Myth”…Or perhaps the subtitle is more relevant…”Real Life Mistakes that Compound in Second Life”. This week we will tackle “Expectation” while next week we will deal more with “Myth” but the two are two dies of one cannonball. Please note that for the purpose of clarity, I will tend to use “she” to refer to a submissive and “he” to refer to a Dominant, but either can be of any gender. Your humble lecturer WILL accept tips, but they must be paid to me directly, if you are so inclined, thank you.
[2009/08/03 7:15] Zealot Benmergui: It has been a long time since I have lectured here at House of V, as in several months which is like a decade and a half in SL time, so perhaps I should briefly introduce to myself and explain my recent sabbatical, without pictures or anything.
[2009/08/03 7:15] ***SS***: no pictures?
[2009/08/03 7:15] ***SS*** awe shucks
[2009/08/03 7:15] Zealot Benmergui: OK, maybe a few Jpegs for extra tips
[2009/08/03 7:16] ***SS***: he he
[2009/08/03 7:16] ***SS***: ok!
[2009/08/03 7:16] ***WY*** smiles
[2009/08/03 7:16] Zealot Benmergui: So who am I exactly and what the hell do I think I am doing here? Well, beyond being a Dominant for nearly all of my sexual life, which according to some family legends began prenatally, I have more than 5 years experience online (and something like two decades in real life) as a lecturer, consultant and moderator on topics pertaining to D/s, BDSM, Online Relationships and Deviance of all flavours. I have lectured in numerous venues around SL on a regular basis until a few months ago I decided to stop completely, cold turkey. Why, you may ask.
[2009/08/03 7:16] Zealot Benmergui notes the tip and arranges the webcam
[2009/08/03 7:16] ***SS***: he he
[2009/08/03 7:16] Zealot Benmergui: Go ahead, someone ask “Why?”
[2009/08/03 7:17] Zealot Benmergui: I'll wait
[2009/08/03 7:17] ***SS***: Why?
[2009/08/03 7:17] Zealot Benmergui: thank you
[2009/08/03 7:17] ***SS***: welcome
[2009/08/03 7:17] Zealot Benmergui: Well, due to several situations I came to the stunning and quite shattering realization that I really didn’t know shit all of what I had been talking about, and decided it would be best for everyone if I just shut the fuck up. So I did.
[2009/08/03 7:17] ***IJ***: Why?
[2009/08/03 7:17] ***SS***: so why are you back?
[2009/08/03 7:17] ***SS***: You learned more about teaching and said, fuck it I am back?
[2009/08/03 7:18] ***SS*** winks
[2009/08/03 7:18] Zealot Benmergui: Close..and you are just rushing ahead, next you'll tell me my sled was named rosebud
[2009/08/03 7:18] Zealot Benmergui: About three weeks ago, I decided it was time to start working my way back to lecturing.
[2009/08/03 7:18] ***SS***: Thor, but that is my story, not yours
[2009/08/03 7:19] Zealot Benmergui waits for another why
[2009/08/03 7:19] ***SS***: why?!
[2009/08/03 7:19] ***MS***: y
[2009/08/03 7:19] ***KR***: why?
[2009/08/03 7:19] ***SA***: why not?
[2009/08/03 7:19] ***SS***: that happens
[2009/08/03 7:19] Zealot Benmergui: Well, first of all I got bored.
[2009/08/03 7:19] ***SS***: the other?
[2009/08/03 7:19] Zealot Benmergui: But second of all I came to a realization almost as shattering as the first…that NOBODY knows shit all. None of us…anyone who TELLS you they have all the answers is trying to fuck you or sell you something. In the end, all any of us really do is make the best choices that we can, or as, pardon a moment of geeking, Denathor says to Pippin in Return of the King, “Go now and die in what way seems best to you”.
[2009/08/03 7:19] Zealot Benmergui: None of us really knows much more then the next guy, or gal for that matter. The stupid leading the blind.
[2009/08/03 7:20] Zealot Benmergui: So then, by my logic there is really no difference between "right" and "wrong" since we all tend to make the same mistakes in the same way and crash and burn eventually nearly identically, landing as twisted husks side by side, like some enormous half naked Sargasso Sea of Perviness. All we need are seagulls pecking at our genitals. All we have in the end then is experience...it isn't right or wrong...just cause and effect, that's what we can share.
[2009/08/03 7:20] ***SS***: no one has all the answers, only the experiances they have had
[2009/08/03 7:20] Zealot Benmergui: Exactly
[2009/08/03 7:20] ***DM***: thanks for the taxi ***SS***
[2009/08/03 7:20] Zealot Benmergui: And good lord but I have plenty of experience. 15 years online, and nearly four of those in SL, will age a guy...how that aging turned out really doesn't matter...in fact the more agony riddled they are the better. More causes, more effects, more blood, more fun. More experience.
[2009/08/03 7:21] ***SS***: and what they can work towards, or desires they have, to come to learn more of what they want
[2009/08/03 7:21] ***SS***: sure thing sexy ***DM***
[2009/08/03 7:21] Zealot Benmergui nods..Or at least to qualfy for Triple Jeopardy
[2009/08/03 7:21] ***SS***: on line there are a lot of fools
[2009/08/03 7:21] Zealot Benmergui: Just online?
[2009/08/03 7:21] Zealot Benmergui: You are MUCh too kind
[2009/08/03 7:21] ***SS***: so called subs, masters, domme, slaves..
[2009/08/03 7:21] ***SS***: no
[2009/08/03 7:21] ***SS***: all over
[2009/08/03 7:22] ***SS***: just here it seems to be harder for some to pick out
[2009/08/03 7:22] ***SS***: me, I don't talk to many
[2009/08/03 7:22] Zealot Benmergui: nods...and what makes the difference between fools and bigger fools? Experience
[2009/08/03 7:22] ***SS***: so I am a "Miss"
[2009/08/03 7:22] Zealot Benmergui: But are my experiences of any use here? Does blood ALWAYS tell? After all, I have never been a a submissive, so how can I advise submissives? Am I in the wrong place? Has my begine failed to begin? And before you say "How do you KNOW you aren't a sub if you have never tried it?"...I have also never used a pneumatic nail gun to fasten my cock to a coffee table before, but I know it wouldn't float my boat. Just one of those things.
[2009/08/03 7:23] ***MS***: y
[2009/08/03 7:23] ***SB***: hehe
[2009/08/03 7:23] Zealot Benmergui: Somethign about the intense pain followed by the slow descent into shock and death
[2009/08/03 7:24] Zealot Benmergui: Even I have some areas of kink I will not enter
[2009/08/03 7:24] Zealot Benmergui: I have found that in most cases, our experience is weighed against our expectations…the way we have known things to go as opposed to the way we think or hope they will go. Expectations some could argue are the bane of almost all relationships. That horrible land of misunderstandings and broken dreams and dead puppies and beets and broccoli milk shakes. How are they formed, well first of all they tend to be formed based on such relatively static principals as gender. After all, a man is a man and a woman is a woman, aren’t they. Can’t we expect them to act relatively consistent with their gender stereotypes?
[2009/08/03 7:25] Zealot Benmergui: I am not so sure. Cornell West, my favorite social philosopher at Harvard, has theorized that in a few more generations society will reach a "Post Racial" age. We will all be so intermingled that race will no longer be a useful way of dividing the population, replaced completely by economic status and educational level. I would take that idea further, and say we are also moving into a Post Gender age, and nowhere is gender more posted then in Second Life.
[2009/08/03 7:25] ***SS***: some think treating a woman like shit is the way to be a dom
[2009/08/03 7:25] Zealot Benmergui: Nods...among other foolishness
[2009/08/03 7:25] ***SS***: some think calling them anything but thier name is wrong...
[2009/08/03 7:25] ***SS***: what they don't get is, we have a gift, and ladies it is a gift, that should not be given lightly
[2009/08/03 7:25] ***SS***: and to anyone
[2009/08/03 7:26] ***SS***: mhmm
[2009/08/03 7:26] Zealot Benmergui: And much of that is based on expectations...what people think should or will be.
[2009/08/03 7:26] Zealot Benmergui: and as for the importance of care when submitting, that is several lectures all it's own
[2009/08/03 7:26] ***KR***: tell that to a gorean
[2009/08/03 7:26] ***SS***: I am gorean
[2009/08/03 7:26] ***SS***: and I do say that
[2009/08/03 7:26] ***DM***: but expectations can be a good thing too right?
[2009/08/03 7:26] ***SS***: the ones here are young guns
[2009/08/03 7:27] ***SS***: and please leave gor out of this conversation.... please..
[2009/08/03 7:27] ***DM***: lol ***SS***
[2009/08/03 7:27] Zealot Benmergui: Gor can be extreme, and there are more crappy role players in Gor then anywhere else except maybe DragonCon...but at core it is is still consensual D/s
[2009/08/03 7:27] Zealot Benmergui: just with more props
[2009/08/03 7:27] Zealot Benmergui: and when it is done right, it can actually be very beautiful
[2009/08/03 7:27] ***SS*** feels her blood boil...
[2009/08/03 7:27] ***SS***: yes
[2009/08/03 7:27] Zealot Benmergui: sadly, most people online do it incorrectly
[2009/08/03 7:28] ***SS***: the beauty of a woman in service to a Master is beautiful
[2009/08/03 7:28] Zealot Benmergui: Gor attracts far more then it's share of the fools we mentioned earlier
[2009/08/03 7:28] ***SS***: sensual, loving
[2009/08/03 7:28] EscorTools HUD shouts: pingCore
[2009/08/03 7:28] ***SS***: yes it does...
[2009/08/03 7:28] Zealot Benmergui: usually because it has a certain reputation, and it is easy to find
[2009/08/03 7:28] Zealot Benmergui: just follow the dude in the fur skirt
[2009/08/03 7:28] ***MS***: lol
[2009/08/03 7:28] ***SS***: its painful for learners to get involved in a gorean role here
[2009/08/03 7:28] ***DM*** sighs..i ws in a relationship...and being new, thought things were supposed to be acertain way in that relationship....but the more i spoke and learned i realized every relationship is different
[2009/08/03 7:29] ***SS***: it is not one way, it's waht you both want, experiance, desire
[2009/08/03 7:29] ***SS***: learning from both
[2009/08/03 7:29] ***DM***: so i patiently waited for something...and realized my expectation was just different ..not wrong
[2009/08/03 7:29] Zealot Benmergui: exactly Miss***DM***...the difficulty of trying to hold onto expectations, even once we see they are totally off base
[2009/08/03 7:29] ***SS***: want me to join you up there Sealot?
[2009/08/03 7:29] ***KR***: mutal respect and trust...
[2009/08/03 7:29] ***SS***: Zealot*
[2009/08/03 7:29] ***SS***: he he
[2009/08/03 7:30] Zealot Benmergui: smiles...tempting....but discussion works just fine
[2009/08/03 7:30] ***DM***: lol
[2009/08/03 7:30] ***SS***: May I call you Z?
[2009/08/03 7:30] ***SS***: please?
[2009/08/03 7:30] Zealot Benmergui: Certainly
[2009/08/03 7:30] ***DM***: i do expect things though....sooo
[2009/08/03 7:30] ***SS***: thank you! :)
[2009/08/03 7:30] ***DM***: lol
[2009/08/03 7:30] ***SS***: and you should ***DM***
[2009/08/03 7:30] Zealot Benmergui: Lets consider the most basiuc form of expectations in a relations...gender role...
[2009/08/03 7:30] ***SS***: a sub is not a mat
[2009/08/03 7:31] ***DM***: ok
[2009/08/03 7:31] Zealot Benmergui: The world has become a gender free for all that the law is struggling to catch up with, all over the world. Same sex marriage? How last decade. These days worry about Same Parent Marriage. Mixed species marriages. Do they have to still be alive? Can you marry someone who isn't TECHNICALLY an animate object?
[2009/08/03 7:31] ***SS***: no
[2009/08/03 7:31] Zealot Benmergui: IN California, it depends on the judge
[2009/08/03 7:31] ***SS***: lol
[2009/08/03 7:31] Zealot Benmergui: Gender may mean less to us as sexual creatures then we ever realized. Meredith Chivers at Queen’s University in Ontario has been researching what REALLY arouses us, and she has concluded the main thing that turns us on is arousal, pure and simple. Seeing someone else in the grips of pleasure stimulates our own desires. With men, that usually still runs on gender lines, our strongest reactions are to watching women orgasm (or men if we are gay)…that is not at all true with women.
[2009/08/03 7:31] ***SB***: lol
[2009/08/03 7:31] ***DM***: not with me lmao
[2009/08/03 7:32] Zealot Benmergui: Chivers has found that women are turned on by watching ANYONE enjoy sex, the gender is immaterial. If they are enjoying it, then it immediately causes a physical response in most women. In fact, in some cases even the SPECIES is immaterial. She found a certain level of arousal in women just in watching apes fucking. Now THAT is dangerous stuff. Must be all the screeching.
[2009/08/03 7:32] ***SS***: I am I admit it
[2009/08/03 7:32] ***DM***: o.O
[2009/08/03 7:32] Zealot Benmergui: Good lord, we thought the plain old, “Fuck who you want, we’ll make more” Sexual Revolution in the Sixties was a big deal, they obviously never watched a baboon cumming, or had group sex in a petting zoo under 500watt grolamps. If the real world is becoming less and less hung up on pre determined sex roles, more understanding that this stuff is very very individual, why then is SL lagging behind in some ways?
[2009/08/03 7:32] Zealot Benmergui: Why is SL still such a seething pool of relationship expectations?
[2009/08/03 7:33] ***SS***: I dunno
[2009/08/03 7:33] ***SS***: why?
[2009/08/03 7:33] Zealot Benmergui: Maybe it isn't....for example...Well, why am I a man in SL? Beyond a certain lack of creativity of course?
[2009/08/03 7:33] Zealot Benmergui: I am a man in SL because I CHOOSE to be...but I know lots of men playing female avatars, some openly and some not. Hell I have fucked a few. I know several women playing men, both gay and straight. I know a few transgendered people playing whichever sex they damn well please, thank you very much. I even know some furries who are actually human beings in real life.
[2009/08/03 7:33] ***SS***: cause that is what you are?
[2009/08/03 7:33] Zealot Benmergui: just because I am male in rl doesn;t mean I have to be in SL...in SL we can CHOOSE such things...
[2009/08/03 7:34] Zealot Benmergui: for serious reasons or just shits and giggles
[2009/08/03 7:34] ***DM*** sighs
[2009/08/03 7:34] Zealot Benmergui: Why do we rush to bring real life limitations and rules to a virtual world, where ANYTHING is possible as long as you don't let the Lindens know? Why do we rush to make gender mean something when so many of us change sex as often as they change soulmates...some do it weekly for fuck sake. We tend to try to force our real world expectations of love and commitment to function in Second Life, and with very few exceptions, they just won’t. Not no way, not no how.
[2009/08/03 7:34] Zealot Benmergui: And we end up getting our hearts handed to us in the process
[2009/08/03 7:35] ***SS***: I play a woman and a sub, cause that is what I am... doesn't mean I am going to call anyone Master, or Sir.... just cause...
[2009/08/03 7:35] Zealot Benmergui: Yes, but would you call them Grand Poobah?
[2009/08/03 7:35] Zealot Benmergui: What if they had the big hat?
[2009/08/03 7:35] ***SS***: newp
[2009/08/03 7:35] ***SS***: asshole maybe
[2009/08/03 7:35] ***DM***: lol
[2009/08/03 7:35] ***SS***: but hey that is me
[2009/08/03 7:35] Zealot Benmergui: for some, that will do
[2009/08/03 7:35] ***SS***: yes
[2009/08/03 7:35] Zealot Benmergui: It seems more and more what REALLY matters is the ROLE we choose for ourselves, not the gender we hold in meatspace…submissive, Dominant, top, bottom, male, female, human, something squishy….they are all really just roles. The same goes for such relationship as partner, husband, wife. They have no intrinsic meaning here, no societal understanding forcing us to view them a certain way…but we still expect them to. Some involve more fantasy then others, while some are more or less digitized versions of our real life selves…but they are all chosen in SL, as are what they mean to each of us. A woman trapped in a man’s body in real life can just choose a woman’s body in Sl, no muss no fuss. A partnership in Sl may have no real equivalency to real life marriage, or it may be all about buying life insurance and choosing ugly curtains.
[2009/08/03 7:36] Zealot Benmergui: All that gender and other real life vestiges really bring to SL are expectations. Baggage we don’t need and shouldn’t carry. We use things like gender the way we do clothing in SL, as a sort of shorthand for stereotypes. A male avatar wearing leather chaps and a bad mullet, we KNOW what he is into. We still at times EXPECT a man to behave a certain way, a woman to behave another. D/s is the mainstream in SL and the mainstream is comfortable with Master TesteHammer Slutplucker and his sub kittymeowmeow Thistlehoney. Complete with all accessories, silly clothing and kung fu grip.
[2009/08/03 7:37] Zealot Benmergui: Of course, you occasionally run into MISTRESS TesteHammer Slutplucker, but then the name carries a COMPLETELY different connotation.
[2009/08/03 7:37] ***DM***: what about those that dont "play" a different role and are just being..just me
[2009/08/03 7:37] ***SS***: good question!
[2009/08/03 7:37] Zealot Benmergui: That is the beauty of working without expectation....all approaches are valid
[2009/08/03 7:37] ***DM***: a woman and a sub....can i not expect things?
[2009/08/03 7:38] ***DM***: as me?
[2009/08/03 7:38] ***SS*** waits for the answer
[2009/08/03 7:38] Zealot Benmergui: we judge each on their own merits, on what they show us, not what we assume them to be or what we want them to be
[2009/08/03 7:38] ***SS***: I had talked to someone, they said they were forced
[2009/08/03 7:38] ***SS***: to take a collar
[2009/08/03 7:38] ***DM***: some have tried to force that on me
[2009/08/03 7:38] ***SS***: please explain there is no forcing
[2009/08/03 7:39] ***SS***: some girls don't know that
[2009/08/03 7:39] Zealot Benmergui: Are there things you desire in a relationship? Of course, and you can seek those one on one..nod assume they are there and then get crushed when they aren't
[2009/08/03 7:39] ***DM***: as me i say no i expect mroe lmao
[2009/08/03 7:39] ***DM***: more*
[2009/08/03 7:39] ***SS***: exactly...
[2009/08/03 7:39] Zealot Benmergui: first, last always
[2009/08/03 7:39] Zealot Benmergui: Understand...ALL D/s...and yes, ALL D/s...is consensual
[2009/08/03 7:39] ***DM***: that i think is achance we take on here or rl...*sighs
[2009/08/03 7:40] ***SS***: mhmm... so many think it can be forced, there is nothing given with you wanting to do so
[2009/08/03 7:40] Zealot Benmergui: D/s does not exist unless a submissive CONSENTS to submit in that specific situation
[2009/08/03 7:40] Zealot Benmergui: people who expect a submissive to kneel and fellate anyone with a bad haircut and a spelling problem are just wrong..but often convince newcomers they are right

Jealousy - 8/4/09

2009-08-05T12:26:00.000-07:00

[12:23] Pirate Russell: Ok, please take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[12:23] Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! As most of y'all know, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor. I have been in SL for 3 1/2 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[12:23] Pirate Russell: Ok, please take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[12:23] Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! As most of y'all know, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor. I have been in SL for 3 1/2 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[12:23] Pirate Russell: For any that need to leave early, all transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[12:23] Pirate Russell: DISCLAIMER: I have no training or schooling in Psychology,Psychiatry, or Counseling of ANY kind! All of My observations are from My real life and what I've found on the web
[12:24] Pirate Russell: SORRY
[12:24] Pirate Russell: If you are having problems dealing with Jealousy, PLEASE PLEASE contact a competent professional!
[12:24] Pirate Russell: Jealousy typically refers to the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that occur when a person believes a valued relationship is being threatened by a rival.
[12:24] ***AH***: ***LN***
[12:24] ***LN***: Yes, Master?
[12:24] Pirate Russell: IM Please people, that's the crosstalk that distracts the class
[12:24] ***AH***: come kneel by me
[12:24] Pirate Russell: Dr. Jennifer James, author of "Women and the Blues: Passions That Hurt, Passions That Heal", wrote:
[12:25] Pirate Russell: "Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you.
[12:25] Pirate Russell: There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck.
[12:25] Pirate Russell: Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences."
[12:25] Pirate Russell: Jealousy is an emotion that can be very damaging to ANY relationship. It can also prevent you from growing emotionally.
[12:25] ***SB*** accepted your inventory offer.
[12:26] Pirate Russell: It is not the same thing as envy. Jealousy wants what someone else has. Envy is when you don't want someone else to have what you don't have.
[12:26] Pirate Russell: If a person is jealous, they already have what is desired but they are afraid of losing it.
[12:26] Pirate Russell: When you are feeling jealous, you are undergoing an emotional combination of anger, dependency, hurt, and self doubt. When you spend time focusing on what you are not, this is a result of insecurity.
[12:26] Pirate Russell: Sometimes when we are afraid of losing something, we actually cause it to happen because of our action
[12:27] Pirate Russell: Have a seat ***SB2***, we're under way
[12:27] Pirate Russell: All our thoughts and actions are centered around our fears and insecurities. This causes more fear and insecurity. These feelings cause other harmful feelings and may result in us indulging in self pity.
[12:27] Pirate Russell: What are some ways of dealing with jealousy?
[12:27] Pirate Russell: * Develop independence. We need to be sure we are not overly dependant on any one person. We need to focus on the good things we have and not on what we don't have.
[12:28] Pirate Russell: * Focus on developing more confidence and attractiveness. Sometimes something simple like getting our hair done or changing our style of clothing can help.
[12:28] Pirate Russell: Taking a course on self esteem or assertiveness is also beneficial.
[12:28] Pirate Russell: * Be honest with yourself. Sit down with paper and list things that are making you jealous. Look at it objectively. Are these things silly or trivial or are they really important?
[12:28] Pirate Russell: * Communicate with the person who is the object of your jealousy. Tell them your feelings. Is that person doing something that is causing you to be jealous? Letting them know can often help the problem.
[12:29] Pirate Russell: If this other person cares for you, they will work on changing the behavior that is adding to your jealousy. Being aware of your feelings can also help you cope better.
[12:29] Pirate Russell: Realize that jealousy shows your lack of self esteem and uncertainty of your own worth. Work on taking a really good self evaluation.
[12:29] Pirate Russell: This experience can be a wonderful learning opportunity for you. Work on communication with other people. Work on developing confidence.
[12:29] Pirate Russell: * Study your rival. Look closely at the person you are jealous about. What do you like and dislike about the person? Are his or her qualities beyond your abilities? Be sure you are not being unrealistic about that person. Are you seeing things as they
[12:30] Pirate Russell: Take control of your feelings. Terminate the relationship if nothing else seems to work. Take the time to concentrate on your own growth. Work at trying to understand and improve your relationship.
[12:30] Pirate Russell: * Do not overreact. Remember, most incidents are temporary so don't magnify what happened.
[12:30] Pirate Russell: Serious jealousy stems from a fear of loss, reputation, control of ourselves, our spouses, or relationships. Losing control of our emotions and feelings will only make things worse.
[12:30] Pirate Russell: Bad reactions to Jealousy can even cause legal problems. I spent almoust 7 years as a Public Safety Telecommunications Officer (Big words for 911 Dispatcher).
[12:31] Pirate Russell: Not one shift went by where I didn't deal with a seriuos domestic problem. Most, I'd wager, stemmed from jealousy. How many of us have read this in or local or national news media, "If I can't have him/her, then nobody can!" I've know that many people
[12:31] Pirate Russell: I, for one, don't want to be someplace I'm not wanted. That's not fun for Me!
[12:31] Pirate Russell: Likewise, I dont' force anyone, particularly My submissives to be with Me if they're not having fun.
[12:31] Pirate Russell: This is part of My Primary rule, that real life comes first, if you're not having fun, let's go do something that is, together or apart!
[12:31] Pirate Russell: I do get jealous sometimes. My girls have ***SB2***nificant others with whom they spend time. I INSIST that they do! One has a fiancee, one a girl friend, and another a girl of her own.
[12:32] Pirate Russell: I miss them when they're not around, I am envious of the time they spend away, but I want them to have fun.
[12:32] Pirate Russell: Knowing they're having fun makes it all ok for Me. I want My girls, My friends, My acquaintences, and even most of My enemies to have fun.
[12:32] Pirate Russell: By having other friends, they've places to go have fun when I'm alone with one of the other girls. Even when I'm alone with one, I envy the time that the others spend away.
[12:32] Pirate Russell: I'm going to close today with one of My very favorite quotes on the subject, by Robert A Heinlein,
[12:33] Pirate Russell: "Love" is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
[12:33] Pirate Russell: Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy."
[12:33] Pirate Russell: Citations:
[12:33] Pirate Russell: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jealousy
[12:33] Pirate Russell: http://www.allaboutlifechallenges.org/dealing-with-jealousy-faq.htm
[12:33] Pirate Russell: http://www.todays-woman.net/quoteid-2304.html
[12:33] Pirate Russell: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/r/robert_a_heinlein.html
[12:33] Pirate Russell: Questions???? Comments?
[12:34] ***AH***: very well thougth out and presented talk
[12:34] Pirate Russell: Thanks, I know good crap when I steal it! ;-)
[12:34] ***SB***: <<<~~~~~ does spit take on monitor bahahaha
[12:35] ***AH***: i would add that jeaulousy makes one weak
[12:35] ***AH***: and it is weakness that makes one unhappy
[12:35] ***AH***: so one way to combat jealousy is to be strong
[12:35] ***AH***: make strong choices
[12:35] ***AH***: decide to be strong
[12:35] Pirate Russell: True, and the strongest people I know are submissives, and even they have to push thru this
[12:36] ***AH***: no doubt about that--submissive doesn't mean weak
[12:36] ***SB***: Pirate, well said however there is a huge difference between "bedroom subbies" and rl subs
[12:36] Pirate Russell: Yes, or RL subs and SL subs, too
[12:36] ***AH***: now you have strayed from areas i have thought about
[12:36] Pirate Russell: most of My girls are RL sub
[12:37] Pirate Russell: One moment, ***AH***.
[12:37] Pirate Russell: Anyone have any other questions or comments about jealousy before we do the pantented "Pirate Stray"?
[12:37] ***LN***: Mistress?
[12:38] ***SB***: does this mean we wear eye patches and wooden legs?
[12:38] ***SB2***: cough, cough
[12:38] Pirate Russell: Miss is fine, Lilibet. And go ahead with your question
[12:38] ***LN***: Thank you, Miss
[12:38] Pirate Russell: no, but I am rated ARRRRRR
[12:38] ***DT***r: omfg
[12:38] ***SB***: rl giggles
[12:38] ***DT***r: lol
[12:38] ***LN***: I like that you talked about the difference between Envy and Jealousy
[12:38] ***SB2***: bettter R than X rated
[12:38] ***LN***: I will have to give that some thought
[12:39] Pirate Russell: Ok... there is a difference. WHen you're jealous, you already HAVE it! and are worried about losing it
[12:40] ***SB***: <<<~~~~~ watches the hamster wheel in Lilibets mind spin
[12:40] ***LN***: it goes round and round
[12:40] Pirate Russell: POOOR hamster, he's gonna wear his li'l legs off
[12:40] ***SB2***: (wondering if I had a gf named ***SB*** if I'd have to spell it every day?)
[12:41] Pirate Russell: Basically, if you're jealous, you're worried about losing it. Envy is not wanting someone to have what you don't.
[12:41] ***SB***: No But you might want to cut and paste when You Scream My Name LOL
[12:41] Pirate Russell would set up a gesture!
[12:41] ***LN***: Yes, Miss, thank you
[12:42] Pirate Russell: Ok, ***AH***, thanks, let's "Stray"!
[12:42] ***DT***r: Envy"...resentful longing aroused by anothers better fortune." from Oxford Dict
[12:42] ***AH***: fraid i'm not sure what you mean
[12:44] Pirate Russell: Yes, that's not the definition the writer used but it works. Basically you want what someone else has.
[12:44] ***SB2***: getting sleepy with the elevator music in the background
[12:45] Pirate Russell: So turn it off, and stream your own.
[12:45] ***SB2***: oops reads the land owner info.
[12:45] Pirate Russell grins
[12:46] ***DT***r: the wanting is better defined i think by coveting....but nop need to be pedantic, I think we understand the difference between envy and jaelousy
[12:46] ***ES***: I can be envious of another's toy but jealous if they want to take my toy.
[12:46] Pirate Russell: ***AH***?
[12:46] ***AH***: ummm
[12:47] Pirate Russell: Are we still confused?
[12:47] ***SB***: (shakes head, nope)
[12:47] ***LN***: No, Miss
[12:47] ***AH***: was i confused?
[12:47] Pirate Russell: Dunno, for sure, maybe it's just Me!
[12:47] ***AH***: jealousy will do that to a person
[12:48] ***ES***: Somebody can provoke jealousy in another. I have seen and experienced it.
[12:48] Pirate Russell: he he, okies... any more Jealousy questions?
[12:48] ***SB2***: very good Pirate
[12:49] Pirate Russell: Any other BDSM questions... he he
[12:49] Pirate Russell: Or maybe American Football? he he
[12:49] ***SB2***: by the way envy is considered a deadly sin like lust but jealousy is one one of them
[12:49] ***SB2***: oh those Catholics
[12:50] Pirate Russell: Yep, and so is "Lust", but that's why I'm in SL! he he
[12:50] ***DT***r: Wonders if Boldin will get his money?
[12:50] ***ES*** grins.
[12:50] ***AH***: i didn;t know there were deadly sins in sl
[12:50] Pirate Russell: Go to the Vatican City sim...
[12:51] ***SB2***: goes to show you how things change
[12:51] Pirate Russell: And I don't know if it's there, I was just kidding!
[12:51] ***SB2***: gluttony was one, if it was now , half of American would be damned.
[12:51] Pirate Russell is in that half
[12:52] ***AH***: got a feeling you're in three or four halfs
[12:52] ***AH***: ;;chuckles::
[12:52] Pirate Russell: Isn't Lust really just Sexual Gluttony?
[12:52] ***ES***: (BRB: walks self)
[12:52] ***SB2***: good point
[12:52] Pirate Russell: Anyway.....
[12:53] ***SB2***: going to make you walk a steel grate in those stilettos ***SB***, for tying my shoelace together under the table.
[12:54] ***DT***r: Lustis a desire for the Gluttony
[12:54] ***SB***: ......you'll have to catch me first, ***SB2***...............
[12:55] ***AH***: no-gluttony is a street carnamed desire
[12:55] Pirate Russell: He he
[12:55] Pirate Russell: Well, from the banter, it's seeming that class is over......

Alone: Why don't they log on anymore? - 7/31/09

2009-08-02T18:51:00.000-07:00

[12:08] Pirate Russell: Ok, please take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[12:08] Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! As most of y'all know, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor. I have been in SL for 3 1/2 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[12:08] Pirate Russell: If any need to leave early the transcript for this, and all other classes can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[12:08] Pirate Russell: Our topic today, "Alone: Why don't they log on anymore?"".
[12:09] Pirate Russell: alone by ~Hoeg on deviantART ( http://bdsmforbeginners.blogspot.com/search/label/Cyber%20Kink%20Issues )
[12:09] Pirate Russell: "She's been my Mistress for 9 months.Now our blog's gone and She's not responding to email"
[12:09] Pirate Russell: "We were about to collar her and she vanished without a word"
[12:09] Pirate Russell: "I don't think I'm going to get to see Her again for a long while...if ever.
[12:09] Pirate Russell: She's deleted Her yahoo account. "
[12:10] Pirate Russell: "How long do I wait? I can't seem to move forward"
[12:10] Pirate Russell: One day you are happy, playing with your online BDSM play partner, chatting about inconsequential things and planning your next time together.
[12:10] Pirate Russell: The next day, without warning, your world falls apart. Your partner fails to turn up online. They don't respond to your attempts to contact them. Their email address bounces.
[12:10] Pirate Russell: Their profile vanishes from the sites you both belong to. No one in your online community has heard from them. You panic: are they ill? Hurt? Dead in a car crash? How will you ever know?
[12:11] Pirate Russell: You suddenly realize you have no way to find them. You search through every IM conversation record for facts about their real life - anything that might lead you to them...
[12:11] Pirate Russell: Days pass. Weeks. You go from feeling concern to blaming yourself: you must have been a bad sub or Dom/me. You drove them away. Its all your fault. You must have said something wrong (but what??).
[12:11] Pirate Russell: Then your mood switches to frustration and anger: how dare they do this? How could they? They said they cared. You were friends. More than friends. They knew you better than anyone. Then you feel despair: you feel betrayed.
[12:11] Pirate Russell: How long must you wait? WHERE ARE THEY???? Then you just feel numb.
[12:11] Pirate Russell: Sometimes they never come back. Sometimes they do. That can be worse.
[12:12] Pirate Russell: Welcome to the world of online loss.
[12:12] Pirate Russell: It's a remarkably common experience - most of us with online play partners (whether for online sex, dating, BDSM or even on games like Second Life) will unfortunately encounter it in some form.
[12:12] Pirate Russell: Equally unfortunately there's very little written about it, but it's an experience you don't want to go through alone.
[12:13] Pirate Russell: This BDSM For Beginners post will hopefully provide you with some ways to understand it, cope with it and hopefully in future avoid it.
[12:13] Pirate Russell: I. WHY DO PEOPLE DISAPPEAR ONLINE?
[12:13] Pirate Russell: It's impossible to speak for individuals, but we can draw some general observations about why / when people disappear:
[12:13] Pirate Russell: Disappearing at the end of a relationship:
[12:13] Pirate Russell: In this case your partner vanishes after an argument, or things go wrong. They may cut off all contact and make public statements like deleting their blogs or profiles.
[12:14] Pirate Russell: In these cases you have some warning that things are going wrong, so while the whole experience is upsetting (as is the end of any relationship, whether kinky or vanilla, or real time or online) at least you have an understanding of why it occurred.
[12:14] Pirate Russell: Many people are sincere in wanting to dismantle the online persona they utilized with you, at the end of a relationships.
[12:14] Pirate Russell: However be aware that others use the threat of vanishing as a nasty means to control their partner, when an online relationship is in trouble.
[12:14] Pirate Russell: In these cases they may not entirely delete their profile but might delete their friends list, etc and leave a statement claiming they no longer use the site (this always looks very silly when you can see elsewhere on their page that they are online).
[12:15] Pirate Russell: If your partner turns out to be playing this sort of game, while there is certainly hope you might get back together (or else why would they still be around)
[12:15] Pirate Russell: it might be time to have a good hard think about whether you really want to continue in a relationship with someone who plays around with your mind and heart in such a manner.
[12:15] Pirate Russell: II.DISSAPPEARING BECAUSE OF REAL LIFE ISSUES:
[12:15] Pirate Russell: A. In these circumstances, you may or may not get warning, depending how close you are to your online partner and how much they discuss their real life with you. If they do, then you will be aware of whatever crisis they are facing.
[12:16] Pirate Russell: If not, they leave an email or IM message for you, saying that they have a problem and need some time offline. It may not provide all the information you want but at least such a message means you know where they are,
[12:16] Pirate Russell: and that your online relationship will hopefully be able to resume when their situation is improved. They may of course also leave a message that says their problem is ongoing (such as trying to fix a marriage) and they won't be back.
[12:17] Pirate Russell: B. Disappearing for a while due to online fatigue:
[12:17] Pirate Russell: Sometimes people just need to take a break for a while. They may leave a message. Other times there is no warning, although looking back you will probably recognize your partner was under stress.
[12:17] Pirate Russell: They don't delete anything online, they just don't seem to come online anymore and become impossible to contact.
[12:18] Pirate Russell: C. I'm guilty of this myself. I call it Mistress Fatigue - a desperate need to have a break from your online persona for a while. I always come back. But I just need some space. If you seem to be encountering this kind of disappearance,
[12:18] Pirate Russell: there is one magic word that solves the problem: patience. Trust your partner. They will be back, and they will appreciate the patience and consideration you have shown.
[12:19] Pirate Russell: III. DISAPEARING WITHOUT WARNING:
[12:19] Pirate Russell: This is the scenario I outlined at the beginning of this post. You get no warning at all: they are simply gone. The worst scenario going through your head - that they may have died - is unlikely
[12:19] Pirate Russell: (although I know one sub who did lose a great friend and Mistress this way, when she died unexpectedly). They may be in hospital, or have close relatives in hospital, and be unable to get online.
[12:19] Pirate Russell: Their computer may have broken down. They may have forgotten to pay their wireless bill. Or gone on an unexpected business trip.
[12:20] Pirate Russell: All these reasons work well in the short term, but they don't work after a week or so. Nor do they offer comfort if your partner has deleted their online personas.
[12:20] Pirate Russell: At some point you may just have to face up (as I once did) to the cold hard fact that someone you care about simply does not care enough about you to get in touch and explain their actions.
[12:20] Pirate Russell: Although nothing has been specifically written about BDSM online relationship disappearances, you can find responses (such as B Z on datingdame.com) documenting reasons for vanishing during online dating:
[12:21] Pirate Russell: "When I mysteriously disappear online, it usually means I am afraid of rejection.
[12:21] Pirate Russell: I am afraid of the person saying, "Hurrumph, she said she was not fat". I am afraid of becoming all nervous and silly and making a fool of myself by saying the wrong things. And if I do manage to overcome these worries, I have the secondary fear of reject
[12:22] Pirate Russell: If the person is, in real life, dull or bad-tempered, I don't want to have gotten all excited about a date only to have to turn down their request for another one."
[12:22] Pirate Russell: But these reasons don't seem to apply to online only BDSM relationships, unless your partner vanished just before you arranged to meet.
[12:22] Pirate Russell: You may find some hint in your relationship's history (I was told much later that my gone-without-warning sub did not want to tell me she was moving to a real time dominant).
[12:23] Pirate Russell: But let's be honest, you may never hear why. Perhaps the only "why" we will ever know is one Dragon Lord touches on indirectly in The Views From The Dragon's Lair: Dealing With Running:
[12:23] Pirate Russell: "Ever notice how many people are running everyday? Running here and there, running to their jobs, running to their homes, running to make money, running from debt, running from so many things: pain, love, commitment, the past, the future.
[12:24] Pirate Russell: Sometimes I wonder if they really know what they are running from. In this life from a Dominant's perspective we see a lot of this running, we encounter it constantly ....
[12:24] Pirate Russell: "[Some people even run] from their goals. Once they realized that you were not the other person, that you were true to your word, then they became scared of the commitment that will incur their desires coming true. .....
[12:24] Pirate Russell: There are so many different reasons that people run: i.e. the fear of not being needed, the fear of disappointing, the fear of having disappointed, and the fear of rejection, of acceptance, of success and of failure".
[12:25] Pirate Russell: IV. WHAT DO YOU FEEL WHEN THIS HAPPENS?
[12:25] Pirate Russell: Well, obviously you feel like shit. I grieved for months. Another friend who is currently experiencing this recently wrote:
[12:26] Pirate Russell: "I understand real life comes first. There have been times where I've walked away for one reason or another. I've hurt people in the past, never intentionally but it has happened and I still regret it ...
[12:26] Pirate Russell: Understanding doesn't make it any easier though ... [I'm] feeling abandoned, confused, lost ... just wishing to have one last conversation to talk things over. There are no hard feelings, just things left unsaid and questions left unanswered ... ".
[12:26] Pirate Russell: I felt exactly the same. He also faces the same terrible double bind - the uncertainty of whether to move on or to wait: "If She does come back soon, I don't want it to appear that I have been disloyal, or unfaithful.
[12:27] Pirate Russell: But what if She doesn't come back?". People in other areas on online life face the same issues, such as Carly, who experienced the disappearance of her marriage partner on Second Life:
[12:27] Pirate Russell: "I don't know what to do. I'm normally a pretty aggressive, take charge kind of woman, but right now I feel so pathetic. How long do I wait to move on? A month? Two? Three? I don't know how long I can stand to feel like this.
[12:27] Pirate Russell: I went from having it all to having nothing but ashes. I don't want another girl, I want the one I had..."
[12:27] Pirate Russell: But on the other hand, you have to start to think of your own needs, as my friend did:
[12:28] Pirate Russell: "Will She be back? How long will it take? How long should I wait? That last [question] is kind of a big one for me. I use my time online to express myself, to satisfy that submissive itch that I have, that cannot be ignored.
[12:28] Pirate Russell: If it goes too long without being scratched I find myself depressed, irritable, and just not myself".
[12:28] Pirate Russell: This brings us to the next question: your survival.
[12:29] Pirate Russell: V. HOW DO I COPE, IN PRACTICAL TERMS?
[12:29] Pirate Russell: Firstly, and most importantly BY NOT BLAMING YOURSELF.
[12:29] Pirate Russell: The fact your play partner has vanished IS NOT YOUR FAULT. You are not a bad sub or a bad Dom/me. You did not fail. You did not drive them away. Their disappearance is about their issues, not yours.
[12:30] Pirate Russell: Secondly, treat yourself gently. You are in mourning and in shock: give yourself your normal post BDSM scene aftercare. Look after yourself.
[12:30] Pirate Russell: Haagen Daz works for Me! ;-)
[12:30] ***DT***: lol
[12:30] ***VP***: LOL
[12:30] Pirate Russell: Here are some issues you might have to deal with:
[12:30] ***ES*** wants ice cream now.
[12:31] Pirate Russell: Trying to find them:
[12:31] Pirate Russell: Okay so you are convinced they are out there, injured somewhere, or alone and hurt. What can you do? Well again this entirely depends on the information you exchanged during your online relationship.
[12:31] Pirate Russell: If you have a real name and a city, you probably CAN track them down. But think this through; you don't want to be accused of stalking so use the info you have to make sure they are alive and well - and then let them be.
[12:32] Pirate Russell: If you never exchanged real names its going to be tricky to find them. You might be able to do it on the basis of other information.
[12:32] Pirate Russell: Its also important to talk to others in your online community - they may have more recent information (I heard one story where a Mistress left a message for her sub with other subs in a chatroom, when she had to leave the country in a hurry)
[12:33] Pirate Russell: or be aware if your partner has done this in the past, before you came on the scene
[12:33] Pirate Russell: Contacting them again:
[12:33] Pirate Russell: Some people will tell you after any relationship finishes (vanilla or otherwise) to burn the photos, chuck out the momentos and never contact them again. So re contacting someone who has disappeared,
[12:34] Pirate Russell: I guess it comes down to how badly you were hurt during your period of loss.
[12:34] Pirate Russell: Sure, if it doesn't feel good, then leave them be. But if you still feel something for them, and you believe they are out there somewhere and still picking up their mail, then why not drop them the odd line?
[12:35] Pirate Russell: Wish them Happy Birthday, Merry Xmas and Happy New Year. It lets them know you are thinking of them. There is also the chance they may respond.
[12:35] Pirate Russell: In the online dating world, B Z advises that when she disappears online, what people should do in response is "DON'T go all stalkery on me, sending email after email imploring me to respond.
[12:35] Pirate Russell: The best thing to do would be to continue to send the occasional email just to keep in touch. Perhaps ask for my help with something - you need to buy a present for a teenaged niece, or you need to translate something into a language I know.
[12:36] Pirate Russell: You might invite me to a group event. If you are painting your house and inviting everyone you know over to help paint and then eat barbecue, I just might show up".
[12:36] Pirate Russell: What to do if/when they turn up again:
[12:36] Pirate Russell: This is the hardest part of all. You go through weeks, possibly months of grieving. You finally move on ... and then one day they reappear. Invariably this happens long after you have stopped dreaming of it happening!
[12:37] Pirate Russell: In many cases, the person hardly gives any explanation but often seems to expect the relationship to pick up as if they had never been away.
[12:37] Pirate Russell: Many Dom/mes have spoken to me about this. It's rare that the relationship is resumed, because trust has been so profoundly broken - would you ever believe their promise that it wouldn't happen again?
[12:37] ***LG***: nope!
[12:37] Pirate Russell: But why don't you at least try to preserve the friendship? However: do be prepared. They often disappear again.
[12:38] Pirate Russell: VI. WHAT CAN I DO TO AVOIDIT HAPPENING (AGAIN)?
[12:38] Pirate Russell: A lot of this has to do with personalities and individual relationships and it seems impossible to generalize, but there are a few things you can do:
[12:38] Pirate Russell: * Exchange real names and contact details. I've made this a part of all online sub contracts since my own experience.
[12:38] Pirate Russell: * Set up a contact scheme for emergencies: Some Dom/mes arrange for a third party to be involved, to contact their subs if the Dom/me has a family crisis, health emergency, etc. Discuss with each other what might work for you both.
[12:39] Pirate Russell: * Talk about online disappearances. Make sure the topic comes up in conversation with your partner during good times. Ask them if they have ever done it, what their feelings are about it.
[12:39] Pirate Russell: It sounds trite and sure some people lie, but this remains a fairly successful way of finding out what they think. It also gives you an opportunity to get your own thoughts about it across.
[12:40] Pirate Russell: Of course if they're lying about this.... what else?
[12:40] Pirate Russell: If your partner knows you'd be worried sick if they vanished, they may try more to keep you in the loop regarding their plans.
[12:41] Pirate Russell: * Never take your online relationship for granted: the truth is you never know when someone might disappear - or other things might go wrong - so remember
[12:41] Pirate Russell: every time you meet online to really appreciate your play partner and the wonderful BDSM times you are having. Your appreciation will be visible to them, and will make them appreciate you more as well.
[12:41] Pirate Russell: And good luck!
[12:41] Pirate Russell: The transcript for this, and all other classes can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[12:41] Pirate Russell: [ you have reached the end of the current notecard - resetting to first line... ]
[12:41] Pirate Russell: Comments? Questions??
[12:42] ***DT***: Well said Pirate :-)
[12:43] ***LT***: I agree with what You said
[12:43] Pirate Russell: Thanks, I know a good talk when I steal one!
[12:43] ***DT***: hehehe
[12:43] ***LT***: I have had the Master fatique My self
[12:43] Pirate Russell would courtsey, but this short is AWFUL SHORT! LOL
[12:43] Pirate Russell: As have I, but I haven't disappeared from it
[12:44] Pirate Russell: Well, Mistress Fatigue.... he he
[12:44] ***DT***: That is perfectly understandable, that need for a break...
[12:45] ***LG***: what if your Master says that he's going to be selfish and lay low and asks you not to IM him first. You think he means lay low from SL but as it turns out, he means just from being your master?
[12:45] ***LG***: and you know he's having personal RL/SL issues
[12:46] Pirate Russell: Well, anyone I'm in a relationship with, D/s IS a relationship, would get My cooperation, and some of those... laying low, got permenant
[12:47] ***LG***: nods. Would you agree to cooperate but then let Him know that if it is too long you may have to ask to be released if he can't give you attention?
[12:47] ***AW***: or they use hide mode and you catch him hiding and cuddling with someone else but not even a boo to you
[12:48] ***LR***: I would think that was reasonable ***LG***.. long as its all out front in the beginning
[12:48] Pirate Russell: Well, I'd be on the Dominant side, so it's easier, but yeah, you ALWAYS have the RIGHT to enjoy SL, and if you're not having fun with the one you're wit, there's LOTS of other's online!
[12:48] ***VP***: I think the one thing we need to be clear about....is that there are real people behind the avatars. And the way we behave does have a real life effect. More powerful than most realise. I love it when someone call this a "game." Simply "roleplay." We need to realise...it really isn't either.
[12:49] ***DT***: nods
[12:49] Pirate Russell: That doesn't mean it will be clean and easy, but we're all here to have Fun, if you're not having it, you need to tell the ones that care about you
[12:49] ***LR***: mhmm
[12:49] ***VP***: Of course....
[12:49] ***VP***: ...say OUCH if it hurts!
[12:49] Pirate Russell: Oh, yes, this is not a 'Strategic Simulation", there's a loose nut behind this keyboard!
[12:50] ***LG***: yes...it's hard to know thought that he's talking with others and not with us.
[12:50] ***AW***: exactly and my pet peeves is when i find they have created a new avi to hid from you
[12:50] Pirate Russell: and, She LOVES all of Her girls, and friends every bet as much as Her RL friends and family!
[12:50] Pirate Russell: Well, that IS their parogative, but yeah, that's not terribly fair
[12:51] ***VP***: ALTS are really instruments of deceptions as far as I am concerned.
[12:51] Pirate Russell: Well, yes and no.
[12:51] ***AW***: i agree with you ***VP***
[12:51] ***ES***: Alts are only deception if used that way.
[12:52] Pirate Russell: What if one's a switch, and lets their Dominant know that they're gonna go out Dominating?
[12:52] ***LG***: right ***ES***
[12:52] ***AW***: and most of the time they are used that way
[12:52] ***LG***: not necessarily ***AW***
[12:52] Pirate Russell: Well, we can agree to disagree, we each have our own experiences from which to draw.
[12:52] ***AW***: in y experience yes
[12:53] Pirate Russell: and we have the right to like or dislike deception.
[12:53] ***VP***: Yes...most of the time they ARE used that way!
[12:53] ***DT***: the only occurrance i know of a person using an Alt with a legitimate reason is that of a builder who needs to have another Av to set animations
[12:53] ***LG***: no...and teachers
[12:53] ***LG***: many teachers who use SL with their students have a professional alt and a play alt
[12:54] Pirate Russell: Well, long story short, a LOT of folks play roles here, and have an alt for some other roles.
[12:54] ***LG***: which makes sense. I know several who don't have genitalia!! lol
[12:54] ***AW***: yes i am in the modeling world and have known of designers making alts or they would never get a y work done
[12:54] Pirate Russell: Dom/sub..... Male/Female....
[12:54] ***DT***: Pirate with all due respect unless theperson is making all their friends aware of that it means out of necessity that there is deception going on
[12:55] ***LG***: anyway....being abandoned is not fun. Worse so if you don't understand why.
[12:55] Pirate Russell: I am not one to say that you can't do what you want here.
[12:55] ***AW***: but no when it come to previous Master is used to be deseptful
[12:55] ***VP***: I totally agree ***DT***.
[12:55] Pirate Russell: I think SL's about freedom and the opportunity to try something that you can't do in RL... :looks at ***ES***"
[12:56] ***ES*** looks innocent and paws her muzzle cutely.
[12:56] Pirate Russell: And if you wanna have a doggie alt, and a kitty alt, and a subby alt, and a whatever alt, that's up to you.
[12:56] ***DT***: there is nothing wrong with developing Alt characters to explore different aspects of SL but if you dont tell others about it...use the Alt to be free of certain responsibilities or persons then you are deceiving
[12:56] ***LT***: Pirate is it wrong for men to be in womens av and name and not tell there role player frinds they are not r/l female
[12:56] ***AW***: omg i would never experience d/s in rl my husband would shit....hehe
[12:56] ***ES***: (well said!)
[12:57] Pirate Russell: I disagree. I say do what you want, just don't intentionally hurt anyone.
[12:57] ***DT***: I prefer to see in someones profuile they are using an Alt whether it is male using female or vice versa....honesty in beginning any rp or other form of relationship is essential
[12:57] Pirate Russell: I own My girls in SL, but in RL they're not necessarily collar-wearing-subbies. If they wanna go play at being a cow, ROCK ON!
[12:58] ***DT***: by keeping the secret you are intentionally hurting someone....
[12:58] ***AW***: i think men in sl are just like men in rl.......the newnes is gone so they feel they need to find something new or someone i mean
[12:58] Pirate Russell: And I agree ***DT***, I don't play with known males, no matter the avi.
[12:59] Pirate Russell: But I don't send 'Alt-Busters" after everyone.. hell, or ANYone!
[13:00] Pirate Russell: My girls, and friends, have the right to be who or what they want to be in SL. In RL, I am not a Lesbian, I am Not a Domme, and I'm about twice the size of Pirate....
[13:00] ***DT***: that isnt exclusive to males ***AW***
[13:01] Pirate Russell: But VERY few of us buy the avi's that only fit in a canvas tent. Isn't that just as deceptive?
[13:02] ***VP***: Pirate, that may be stretching the definition a bit.
[13:02] Pirate Russell: Yes, I'm just making a point, that we all, to some extent, others to a larger extent, are NOT what we see in SL
[13:02] ***ES***: (It makes you think.)
[13:03] ***VP***: What I am saying...is when a person creates an ALT with the express purpose to deceive another he or she is involved with...then that is the precise definition of deception I am referring to.
[13:03] ***DT***: (i am much better looking in rl :P)
[13:03] ***DT***: lol
[13:03] ***VP***: lol
[13:03] Pirate Russell: Ok, I get it, now ***VP***, I got caught up in the "all alts are evil" mindset.
[13:04] ***VP*** nods
[13:04] ***VP***: I understand.
[13:04] Pirate Russell: Anyway..... any more questions about Abandonment, by alt, or otherwise>?
[13:04] ***LT***: computers are Evil
[13:04] ***VP***: I mean...I am not a 7'6" giant.
[13:04] ***VP***: Really.
[13:04] ***DT***: agrees...it is the intent, the motivation of the person using the Alt of course
[13:04] ***VP***: Just a tad smaller.
[13:05] ***LG***: laughs
[13:05] ***VP***: lol
[13:05] Pirate Russell: NO, ***LT***, Computers, like handguns, are not evil, how they're used can be.... just like alts... he he
[13:05] ***LT***: mmm Glock
[13:06] ***LR***: ooo that was a good one.
[13:06] ***DT***: Well for me ...in my personal experience and Pirate touched on this, the abandonment is very real and akin to grief...the same stages one goes through
[13:06] Pirate Russell: Mmmmm Ruger....
[13:06] Pirate Russell: and glock and ruger can cause abandonment.... ok, ok, SORRY!
[13:06] ***VP***: Excuse me.
[13:06] Pirate Russell: yes, you morn the loss of a friend AND a relationship
[13:06] ***LG***: and it's easy to say don't blame yourself but if you lack self-esteem at all, it HURTS if you've had a good relaitonshup
[13:07] ***DT***: and despite my best efforts , also outlined by Pirate, there was no way i could foresee or avoid being abandoned
[13:07] ***VP***: Pirate...friends.
[13:07] Pirate Russell: Yes, that's true, I have been thru this a ZILLION times, look at My picks.....
[13:07] ***VP***: I must leave.
[13:07] ***LG***: and then apparently you are not good enough
[13:07] ***LG***: laughs
[13:07] Pirate Russell: Ciao for now, ***VP***, thanks for coming
[13:07] ***LG***: me too. :)
[13:07] ***DT***: bye ***VP***
[13:07] ***LG***: bye ***VP***
[13:07] ***LR*** waves bye to ***VP***
[13:08] Pirate Russell: SpeakEasy HUD detaching...
[13:08] ***AW***: yes i need to run as well was a very interesting discussion...thank you
[13:08] Pirate Russell: Let's call class dismissed then
[13:08] Pirate Russell: and....
[13:08] ***DT***: very enjoyable :-)
[13:08] ***DT***: ty Pirate
[13:08] Pirate Russell: watch the events for College of Kink announcements, Zealot is coming back next week!
[13:09] ***LT***: how do I find out when more classes are schedualed
[13:09] ***LG***: Thanks Pirate.
[13:09] ***LG***: Bye to everyone. :)
[13:09] Pirate Russell points up
[13:09] Pirate Russell: he he
[13:09] ***DT***: Bye ***LG***
[13:09] ***LT***: I enjoyed the class thanks
[13:09] ***LR***: take care ***LG***
[13:09] Pirate Russell: go to Search/Events
[13:09] Pirate Russell: Type in College
[13:09] ***LR***: thanks for the class Pirate!!
[13:09] Pirate Russell: they're usually there at least a week ahead, but with Zealot coming back next week, Monday's up in the air.. he he
[13:10] ***LT***: weldone class
[13:10] Pirate Russell: Thanks, ***LT***

The Repsonsibility of Dominance - 7/17/09

2009-07-18T11:59:00.000-07:00

[2009/07/17 12:21] Pirate Russell: Let's get this train wreck going!
[2009/07/17 12:21] Pirate Russell: Ok, T/those that will, please turn off any radars, MystiTools, etc.
[2009/07/17 12:22] Pirate Russell: Please take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[2009/07/17 12:22] Pirate Russell: And if you need to leave, please just TP quietly, don't disrupt class
[2009/07/17 12:22] Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! As most of y'all know, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor. I have been in SL over 3 1/2 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[2009/07/17 12:22] Pirate Russell: For any that need to leave early, all transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2009/07/17 12:23] Pirate Russell: O/our topic today: The Repsonsibility of Dominance
[2009/07/17 12:23] Pirate Russell: I would like to preface this with My usual, EVERY releationship is as different as those that are in it.
[2009/07/17 12:23] Pirate Russell: I used to say the two that are in it, but relationships now include more than two, but I won't go so far as to include the occasional farm animal, though.
[2009/07/17 12:23] ***SS*** giggles
[2009/07/17 12:23] Pirate Russell: Dominants have responsibilities and, yes rules, too!
[2009/07/17 12:24] Pirate Russell: The Highest Honour That A Dominant Could Ever Achieve Is The State Of Honour Itself. To Be Completely Respected And Trusted.
[2009/07/17 12:24] Pirate Russell: There Are Some Definite Guidelines About Being A Dominant. With The Ever Growing Population Of "Chatrooms" There Appears To Be A Lot Of Confusion About The Dominants Role In The "Online" Lifestyle.
[2009/07/17 12:24] Pirate Russell: The Foundation Of The Dominant Are Based On 3 Li'l Words:
[2009/07/17 12:24] Pirate Russell: Trust
[2009/07/17 12:24] Pirate Russell: Honour
[2009/07/17 12:25] Pirate Russell: Respect
[2009/07/17 12:25] Pirate Russell: Each Dominant Should Be Able To Display Chararistics Of These Words, Both "Online" As Well As Offline.
[2009/07/17 12:25] Pirate Russell: The Power Exchange Is About Trust Can You Trust Someone Who Dismisses Your Feelings Even In An "Online" Relationship.
[2009/07/17 12:25] Pirate Russell: Playing In Other Chats Or Instant Messengers, Secretly Accepting Other "submissives" All The While He Is Claiming He Is "Trustworthy"?
[2009/07/17 12:25] Pirate Russell: Is It Acceptable For A Dominant To Hide "Online" Things From His submissive?
[2009/07/17 12:25] Pirate Russell: Especially If They Plan On A Real Time Meeting Or Relationship? If They Hiding Things Here, Wonders What They are going to Hide From You RL.
[2009/07/17 12:26] Pirate Russell: One Of The Things A submissive Must Have Is The Confidence In Their Dominant Will Not Harm Them Nor Allow Harm To Come To Them.
[2009/07/17 12:26] Pirate Russell: Trust Must Be Established. This Goes For The Mental Health As Well As The Physical Aspect Of The Relationship.
[2009/07/17 12:26] Pirate Russell: Trust Will Grow As We Respect And Honour Each Other. Please Get To Know The Person You Are Considering To Be In A Relationship With.
[2009/07/17 12:27] Pirate Russell: You Are Trusting Someone With The Most Precious Thing You Have...Your LIFE. You Can Quickly End Up In A Situation That Is Neither Safe, Sane, Nor Consensual.
[2009/07/17 12:27] Pirate Russell: Can You Really Trust Your Life To Someone who Takes No Value Of The Words Trust, Honour & Respect?
[2009/07/17 12:27] Pirate Russell: According to Rules for Masters by Jack Rinella <>
[2009/07/17 12:27] Pirate Russell: 1. Have some rules. Over time, of course, each one of us gains insight into what works and what doesn't. Some of this wisdom is codified into rules.
[2009/07/17 12:27] Pirate Russell: Rules are protective, instructive, and helpful. Having rules means that you know yourself, know what you want and don't want, and understand that everyone, including yourself, has limits.
[2009/07/17 12:28] Pirate Russell: I know some people think they have no limits. They are fooling themselves as we are all constrained by physical nature, economic considerations, legal issues, and moral and ethical realities.
[2009/07/17 12:28] Pirate Russell: We are all limited by the rose colored glasses through which we see the world. Rules help us respect those limits and avoid the trouble that is encountered when we exceed them.
[2009/07/17 12:28] Pirate Russell: 2. Make sure those rules are your rules. You can't (well you can if you want) just go out and find some rules and use them.
[2009/07/17 12:28] Pirate Russell: Rules must take their life from who you are. Rules must reflect the authentic you. If they don't, they will be burdensome and unenforceable.
[2009/07/17 12:28] Pirate Russell: Good rules, then, start from the first rule of life: "Know thyself." I guess I would then temper that with "Love, and then do whatever you will." That doesn't mean that you can't borrow or copy another's rules. By all means do so.
[2009/07/17 12:29] Pirate Russell: There is no reason to reinvent the wheel. If Master so and so has a reason for doing something and you like it, then do it too. Just make sure the rules resonate with who you are and what you want.
[2009/07/17 12:29] Pirate Russell: I can not be too strong in emphasizing the importance of the inner self in this arena of rule-making column.
[2009/07/17 12:29] Pirate Russell: 3. Don't make brittle rules. Rules are helpful because they add clarity and facilitate decision making. Rules cut in stone become millstones and anchors.
[2009/07/17 12:29] Pirate Russell: Now I have nothing against either of those things as we need to grind grain and anchor boats,
[2009/07/17 12:30] Pirate Russell: but if you think you can run your dungeon, your slave, or your life by a set of rules that are set in concrete or carved in granite, then you are kidding yourself.
[2009/07/17 12:30] Pirate Russell: Better than a long list of rules, one might have a list of principles, guidelines for action. Certainly they may lend themselves to codification, but the spirit of the principle is much more important than the letter of the law.
[2009/07/17 12:30] Pirate Russell: The Sabbath, after all, was made for man, not man for the Sabbath. Besides, there are always going to be exceptions and no amount of rule writing is going to cover all the possibilities.
[2009/07/17 12:31] Pirate Russell: Unless you're the US Congress... h ehe
[2009/07/17 12:31] Pirate Russell: 4. Communicate those rules. It's obvious that we need to communicate rules to slaves so that they obey them. The same goes for rules for ourselves.
[2009/07/17 12:31] Pirate Russell: Over time, I tell my applicants my rules and explain why I have them. I won't, for instance, let a subissive write and talk endlessly.
[2009/07/17 12:31] Pirate Russell: He has got to show up at my doorstep within 6-8 weeks of our initial meeting. Why? Because I'm not into cybersex.
[2009/07/17 12:31] Pirate Russell: ((Remember this is a RL Dom, not Me... he he))
[2009/07/17 12:31] Pirate Russell: Are there exceptions? Sure. The date can be extended for lots of reasons, but the communication will be curtailed until the plane ticket is bought. It's simply a matter that if you're not ready, then please don't act like you are.
[2009/07/17 12:32] Pirate Russell: Communicating your rules has some nice benefits.
[2009/07/17 12:32] Pirate Russell: It shows you are in control, that you have an understanding of what you want and don't want, and that you've thought about being a Master.
[2009/07/17 12:32] Pirate Russell: It also gives the submissive a sense of security to know that you have rules too, such as "I will not have un-safe sex." Now he knows he doesn't have to worry about one thing anyway.
[2009/07/17 12:32] Pirate Russell: 5. Remember man, that thou art dust; or get real. These Doms who think the world revolves around them need to think again.
[2009/07/17 12:32] Pirate Russell: One more thing on communication.
[2009/07/17 12:33] Pirate Russell: If you don't ask for what you want (ie. by putting stuff in the rules), how will a subby, especially in SL, know what you want or expect?
[2009/07/17 12:33] Pirate Russell: Humility is a still a virtue, even in a person who wields great power. Being in control doesn't that mean that a person needs to be haughty, egotistical, or obnoxious.
[2009/07/17 12:34] Pirate Russell: If you are truly a person born to rule, then you have no need to put on airs. Pretense smells. Honesty, sincerity, and generosity have quite a different odor about them.
[2009/07/17 12:34] Pirate Russell: There's also a side of this rule that involves practicality. Your rules need to be pragmatic, workable, reasonable, measurable, and enforceable.
[2009/07/17 12:34] Pirate Russell: If they aren't, they will be honored only in the breaking and you will be seen as living in a fantasy world. It's one thing, of course, to have a rule for a weekend scene, quite another to have a rule for living out the rest of your life.
[2009/07/17 12:34] Pirate Russell: 6. Stay above it. Just because the world is going to hell in a hand basket is no reason for you to do the same. Have high standards and stick to them.
[2009/07/17 12:35] Pirate Russell: 7. Set benchmarks and progress points. A person becomes a doctor through a long and arduous series of learning experiences and tests that prove the experiences have had their desired effect.
[2009/07/17 12:35] Pirate Russell: Each passing grade through high school, college, and med school contributes to the eventual M.D. Each evaluation, and not any single one, grants a person his or her license to practice medicine.
[2009/07/17 12:35] Pirate Russell: It is no different for plumbers, electricians, or anyone else who wishes to acquire skill and standing.
[2009/07/17 12:35] Pirate Russell: As you evaluate prospective slaves, recognize that this is a process and note their success or failure at each step of the way.
[2009/07/17 12:36] Pirate Russell: Too often we want to jump to a full-blown contract while what are required are small steps and a gradual process.
[2009/07/17 12:36] Pirate Russell: Heat milk quickly and it scalds, heat it slowly and it comes out just right.
[2009/07/17 12:36] Pirate Russell: Running evaluations are helpful to everyone. Rules, after all, are meant to be helpful, indicative of reality.
[2009/07/17 12:37] Pirate Russell: 8. Don't talk it all to death. submissives, if you want no more than phone and cyber sex, then keep talking. If you want real leather, you have to get physical.
[2009/07/17 12:37] Pirate Russell: We are, after all, trying to develop real relationships. If I'm never going to meet you, I'm never going to be your master. You can pretend all you want on the phone.
[2009/07/17 12:37] Pirate Russell: It might even get you off. But one of my rules is that until you've shaken hands, you haven't met. Until I can look at you eye to eye, eat a meal with you, and hear your voice without the benefit of wires or radio waves, it's just a prelude and nothing mo
[2009/07/17 12:37] Pirate Russell: 9. Take responsibility. First and foremost you, top or bottom, are responsible for the consequences of your actions. Recognize that fact. Act responsibly. You are the one, after all, who wants to be in control.
[2009/07/17 12:38] Pirate Russell: 10. When a person says one thing and does another, I always listen to what they do. That advice has stood me in good stead. I hope it does the same for you.
[2009/07/17 12:38] Pirate Russell: I'd like to wind up today's talk with the Seven Pillars of Dominance:
[2009/07/17 12:38] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant is a ruler, but never a tyrant. But to rule requires understanding, and understanding requires humility.
[2009/07/17 12:38] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant has pride, but never arrogance. But pride requires dignity, and dignity requires humility.
[2009/07/17 12:39] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant commands respect, but never fear. But respect requires serenity, and serenity requires humility.
[2009/07/17 12:39] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant employs strength, but never force. But strength requires knowledge, and knowledge requires humility.
[2009/07/17 12:39] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant criticizes, but never derides. But criticism requires insight, and insight requires humility.
[2009/07/17 12:39] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant receives, but never takes. But receiving requires giving, and giving requires humility.
[2009/07/17 12:39] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant completes, but never tries to alter. But to complete one must be able to see what is there, not what is missing, and this most of all requires humility.
[2009/07/17 12:40] Pirate Russell: In short, to use an archaic phrase, noblesse oblige.
[2009/07/17 12:40] Pirate Russell: The Dictionnaire de l’Académie française defines it thus: "Whoever claims to be noble must conduct himself nobly."
[2009/07/17 12:41] Pirate Russell: And the most important consideration. If a Dominant is the centre of a submissive's universe, it is because she thinks so, not because He does.
[2009/07/17 12:41] Pirate Russell: No one is respected, let alone obeyed, just because. The truth of the matter is that owning is at least as much work as being owned.
[2009/07/17 12:41] Pirate Russell: All transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2009/07/17 12:41] Pirate Russell: College of Kink classes Monday, Tuesday & Friday @ 12:00pm.
[2009/07/17 12:42] Pirate Russell: Y/you could always check the Search/Events and look for College.
[2009/07/17 12:42] ***SS*** applauds
[2009/07/17 12:42] ***SS***: thank you Miss
[2009/07/17 12:42] Pirate Russell: Questions, Comments??
[2009/07/17 12:42] ***LC***: I have one if you don't mind
[2009/07/17 12:43] Pirate Russell: Absolutely!
[2009/07/17 12:43] Pirate Russell: This is My fave part of the class, I get to learn from y'all!
[2009/07/17 12:43] ***LC***: last night my sub out of no where say to me he LOVE ME what do i do with that?
[2009/07/17 12:44] Pirate Russell: Well, that's a toughie, cuz I'm IN Love with My girls.....
[2009/07/17 12:44] ***SS***: with respect, I would consider it a gift
[2009/07/17 12:44] ***SS***: a slave/sub should love her/his Master/Mistress
[2009/07/17 12:44] ***LC***: :)
[2009/07/17 12:44] Pirate Russell: at the very least, he likes what you do to him!
[2009/07/17 12:44] ***LC***: ty
[2009/07/17 12:45] Pirate Russell: Remember, you want submissives to do what you want them to, because *THEY WANT TO DO IT*!
[2009/07/17 12:45] Pirate Russell: If they love you, you got that battle won!
[2009/07/17 12:46] ***LC***: ty
[2009/07/17 12:47] Pirate Russell: Like I said, "You're the centre of his universe, cuz he thinks so, not because YOU do!"
[2009/07/17 12:47] ***SS*** nods
[2009/07/17 12:48] Pirate Russell: Ok, who's next, anyone else?
[2009/07/17 12:49] Pirate Russell: Going once?
[2009/07/17 12:49] ***JN***: i am curous will you be doing a class on the ethics and morality of the Dom / Domme some time soon
[2009/07/17 12:49] Pirate Russell: yes...
[2009/07/17 12:49] Pirate Russell: Hmmm...
[2009/07/17 12:50] Pirate Russell: Good one!
[2009/07/17 12:50] Pirate Russell: This sounds bad, but.... I'll have to do some research on that, I'm away next fri and Monday, so it'll be august at the earliest
[2009/07/17 12:51] ***JN***: aint no rush like i said i was curious seems many skip those points
[2009/07/17 12:51] Pirate Russell: Next Monday, I'm doing exhibitionism and voyeurism, then we'll have a Tuesday class at noon, then nothing 'till the following Tues
[2009/07/17 12:51] Pirate Russell: Something I've missed, actually, I will look into it, for ya
[2009/07/17 12:51] ***SS***: rats, wish I didn't have to work on Monday
[2009/07/17 12:52] ***SS***: those are two of my primary kinks
[2009/07/17 12:52] ***SS***: lol
[2009/07/17 12:52] ***JN***: thank you
[2009/07/17 12:52] Pirate Russell: Now, sweet, it gets worse....... I use visual aids!
[2009/07/17 12:52] ***SS***: ohh
[2009/07/17 12:52] ***SS***: yummy
[2009/07/17 12:52] ***SS***: feel free to use the piccie I gave ya
[2009/07/17 12:52] ***SS*** giggles
[2009/07/17 12:52] Pirate Russell: he he
[2009/07/17 12:52] ***DT***: <--has lots of mirrors ...i guess i am both
[2009/07/17 12:53] ***SS*** grins at Derek
[2009/07/17 12:53] Pirate Russell: Only if you walk around naked! LOL
[2009/07/17 12:53] ***JN***: i am neither lol
[2009/07/17 12:53] Pirate Russell: I'm gonna close class with My favorite BDSM joke!
[2009/07/17 12:53] ***DT***: not always lookin like this Pirate...at home it de rigeur
[2009/07/17 12:53] ***SS***: naked is good
[2009/07/17 12:53] Pirate Russell: he he
[2009/07/17 12:53] ***SS***: hehe same here
[2009/07/17 12:53] Pirate Russell: A masochist walked up to a sadist and said, "Hurt me".
[2009/07/17 12:54] Pirate Russell: The Sadist said, "No!" and walked away
[2009/07/17 12:54] ***SS***: lol
[2009/07/17 12:54] ***SS***: agg I'd die
[2009/07/17 12:54] ***JN***: lol
[2009/07/17 12:54] ***DT***: lol
[2009/07/17 12:54] ***LC***: lo.l
[2009/07/17 12:54] Pirate Russell: Class dismissed, for all the missed the start, it'll be up at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2009/07/17 12:55] ***SS***: thank you!
[2009/07/17 12:55] Pirate Russell: eep... all that missed the start
[2009/07/17 12:55] ***DT***: bows head hiding
[2009/07/17 12:55] ***LC***: thank you

A Female's Guide To Male Dominance - 7/14/09

2009-07-14T16:40:00.000-07:00

[12:09] Dominic Rahja: welcome all to the college of kink
[12:10] Dominic Rahja: as usual I start with some copied text
[12:10] Dominic Rahja: this is to start a discussion
[12:11] Dominic Rahja: a few simple and basic rules first
[12:11] Dominic Rahja: if you gota question or remark..do type an @
[12:11] Dominic Rahja: that way I know you wanta turn
[12:11] Dominic Rahja: and I wait for you
[12:11] Dominic Rahja: I call your name
[12:12] Dominic Rahja: its handy to type a # soon u stopped typing
[12:12] ***LC*** feels these rules weird...
[12:12] Dominic Rahja: allright
[12:12] ***NZ***: lol
[12:12] ***JZ***: but effective
[12:12] ***NZ***: nods
[12:13] Dominic Rahja: topic today got a lot to do with female subs looking for a guy to be their master
[12:13] Dominic Rahja: but..
[12:13] Dominic Rahja: it aint that easy
[12:13] ***JZ***: no kidding
[12:13] Dominic Rahja: surely u can drop on your knees to the first who tells you hes a master
[12:14] Dominic Rahja: but I dont think thats very wise
[12:14] Dominic Rahja: btw, not only I am slow, so is the chat lag
[12:15] Dominic Rahja: when my sentences dont come out in the right order, call the lindens
[12:16] Dominic Rahja: one of the issues lots of female subs went through is the huge amount of fake masters
[12:16] Dominic Rahja: and after a while you might even get tired seeking one
[12:17] Dominic Rahja: therws hope..there are mistresses too
[12:17] Dominic Rahja: laffs
[12:17] ***MS***: lol
[12:17] Dominic Rahja: what I am going to present you, is the so called acid test
[12:17] Dominic Rahja: I copy text to you which is not written by Me
[12:18] Dominic Rahja: its written by a female sub
[12:18] Dominic Rahja: and it surely is good text
[12:18] Dominic Rahja: but mainly, its food for discussion
[12:18] Dominic Rahja: ok, here it comes
[12:18] Dominic Rahja: The term 'Acid Test' is an old prospecting term.
[12:19] Dominic Rahja: A powerful acid can dissolve most base metals in a matter of minutes.
[12:19] Dominic Rahja: Gold however, will stand up to most acids.
[12:19] Dominic Rahja: The 'Acid Test' was an easy way for people to make sure they had a real nugget of gold and not a lump of the 'fool's' variety.
[12:19] Dominic Rahja: In the same way, these tests are meant to be quick ways to identify fake Doms.
[12:19] Dominic Rahja: Passing all these tests is no guarantee either.
[12:20] Dominic Rahja: There is no replacement for getting to know your prospective partner as well as possible BEFORE YOU EVEN MEET IN PERSON.
[12:20] Dominic Rahja: Most of these tests are designed for a submissive female trying to sort through men claiming to be Doms online.
[12:21] Dominic Rahja: Thse tests are best for ferreting out male fakes.
[12:21] Dominic Rahja: Vanilla males are usually after 'easy sex' and this motive makes them easier to identify than a lot of the fake Doms out there.
[12:21] Pirate Russell: @
[12:22] Dominic Rahja: ok..here comes the acid test itself
[12:22] Dominic Rahja: yes Pirate
[12:22] Pirate Russell: The "easy sex" test helps find Dommes being run by Males, too!
[12:22] Dominic Rahja: haa
[12:22] Dominic Rahja: yes it does
[12:22] ***LC*** smiles
[12:22] Dominic Rahja: doesnt matter what avie they got, a male is a male
[12:23] Pirate Russell: Ain't that the trufff...
[12:23] Dominic Rahja: for sure its a fact that many males use a female mistress avie form for what reason
[12:23] Dominic Rahja: but thats another subject
[12:23] Dominic Rahja: ok
[12:24] Dominic Rahja: the test
[12:24] Dominic Rahja: Step One: Do the Math
[12:24] Dominic Rahja: Various estimates and surveys have placed the ratio of true (i.e., natural) male sexual Dominants to female sexual submissives at about one to ten.
[12:24] Dominic Rahja: However, a quick count in any given D/s oriented chat room would lead you to believe that male Doms outnumber the subs at about two to one.
[12:25] Dominic Rahja: btw this about all chat rooms in general
[12:25] Dominic Rahja: in sl the numbers are a little different
[12:25] Dominic Rahja: Now if there is actually only one male Dom for every ten female subs, that means that 19 out of the 20 "Doms" you see online HAVE TO BE FAKES.
[12:26] Dominic Rahja: Keep this in mind. there is a 95% chance that any man you talk to online claiming to be a Dom is no such thing.
[12:26] Dominic Rahja: This leads us to our first rule, a rule that all statisticians and scientists already know by heart: "When in doubt, throw it out!"
[12:26] Dominic Rahja: Your search for a suitable Dominant partner (especially if you are seeking a serious long term relationship as well) could easily take years.
[12:27] Dominic Rahja: That's hardly surprising, most people spend years looking for that special lover, be they 'vanilla' or otherwise.
[12:27] Dominic Rahja: Don't be disheartened by all these drastic ratios.
[12:27] Dominic Rahja: BUT DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME either.
[12:28] Dominic Rahja: If any of the prospects you are chatting with online makes you feel uncomfortable for any reason, drop him. Don't give him 'three strikes' or 'extra chances to win.'
[12:28] Dominic Rahja: Block out his screen-name and move on.
[12:28] Dominic Rahja: There was only a one in twenty chance he was legitimate anyway.
[12:28] Dominic Rahja: Trust your instincts!
[12:28] Dominic Rahja: btw...
[12:29] Dominic Rahja: like I said, the text is not written by Me, but good for discussion
[12:29] Dominic Rahja: Step Two: Know Your Enemy
[12:29] Dominic Rahja: We call them Snerts.
[12:29] Dominic Rahja: We call them HNG's (Horny Net Geeks).
[12:29] Dominic Rahja: We call them Wannabes.
[12:30] Dominic Rahja: We call them Control Freaks.
[12:30] Dominic Rahja: Sometimes, tragically, we even find some that can only be called rapists and predators.
[12:30] Dominic Rahja: They are all your ENEMY.
[12:30] Dominic Rahja: Don't bother thinking they are anything less.
[12:30] Dominic Rahja: Even a more or less well meaning Snert can land you in a hospital.
[12:31] Dominic Rahja: Sexual Dominance and submission is not for dilettantes or amateurs: Not, now, and never!
[12:31] Dominic Rahja: Even if he turns out to be a more or less nice guy, if he's not a Dom, he's not going to give you what you really need.
[12:31] Dominic Rahja: He will likely give you many things you don't (like medical bills and other assorted headaches).
[12:31] Dominic Rahja: hehe
[12:31] Dominic Rahja: Snerts
[12:31] Dominic Rahja: Snerts are basically looking for easy sex.
[12:32] Dominic Rahja: They are counting on the (highly inaccurate) assumption that sexual submissives are simply 'easy lays.'
[12:32] Dominic Rahja: Nothing could be farther from the truth, but that doesn't deter them at all.
[12:32] Dominic Rahja: They are typically middle aged to somewhat older men.
[12:32] Dominic Rahja: They are often married.
[12:33] Dominic Rahja: They are usually trying to bolster their flagging vanilla sex lives with some casual screwing around.
[12:33] Dominic Rahja: They target submissives because they think that they won't make demands on there sexual prowess (another bad assumption).
[12:33] Dominic Rahja: They can be easily spotted because they almost always demand or at least emphasize sexual intercourse being a part of their 'scenes.'
[12:33] Dominic Rahja: btw..
[12:33] Dominic Rahja: ask their time zones
[12:34] Dominic Rahja: when they always come online after midnight, their wives gone to bed
[12:34] Dominic Rahja: laffs
[12:34] Dominic Rahja: The HNG (Horny Net Geek)
[12:34] Dominic Rahja: HNG's are usually the most harmless (and yet often the most annoying) of the enemy types.
[12:35] Dominic Rahja: Most are teenagers and young men looking for some quick cyber-sex or even phone-sex.
[12:35] Dominic Rahja: They are usually pretty sophisticated about there D/s jargon and the 'scenes' they describe to you can be pretty elaborate.
[12:36] Dominic Rahja: Geeks do their homework.
[12:36] Dominic Rahja: They scour the porno sites for ideas, and hang out in D/s chats for hours on end learning the 'lingo.'
[12:36] Dominic Rahja: The are most easily spotted because they want to move on to cyber-sex and phone sex very quickly.
[12:36] ***LC***: @
[12:37] Dominic Rahja: yes ***LC***
[12:37] ***LC***: I'm wondering if good Doms couldn't have started being HNG's ?#
[12:37] Dominic Rahja: that might be possible of course
[12:38] Dominic Rahja: but usually these guys are not interested in taking responsibilities
[12:38] Dominic Rahja: in a minute I tell you a true story
[12:38] Dominic Rahja: They like to offer online collars, and spend hours on end in chat rooms 'playing' with their 'subbies.' Don't waste your time with them.
[12:39] Dominic Rahja: ok...between the lines
[12:39] Dominic Rahja: years ago in another chat room I had this friend
[12:39] Dominic Rahja: she was an over 30 single woman in the usa
[12:39] Dominic Rahja: and online she found this master
[12:40] Dominic Rahja: he was good at it
[12:40] Dominic Rahja: and she fell in love with him
[12:40] Dominic Rahja: they played online with 3d avatars like here in sl
[12:40] Dominic Rahja: but they never voiced
[12:40] Dominic Rahja: or called
[12:40] Dominic Rahja: she was about to visit him in England
[12:41] Dominic Rahja: untill
[12:41] Dominic Rahja: she suddenly got a phone call from a boarding school
[12:41] ***MS***: oh my, this couldn't have ended well.
[12:41] Dominic Rahja: his teachers found out he was cybering
[12:41] Dominic Rahja: he was a 12 yo boy
[12:42] Dominic Rahja: she was devestated u can imagine
[12:42] ***LC***: omg ! such a precoce lil Dom !
[12:42] Dominic Rahja: but keep in mind that kids are good players
[12:42] Dominic Rahja: always check as much as you can
[12:42] Dominic Rahja: ok
[12:43] Dominic Rahja: on with the acid test
[12:43] Dominic Rahja: Control Freaks
[12:43] Dominic Rahja: The second most dangerous type of enemy is the Control Freak.
[12:43] Dominic Rahja: Control freaks are what most psychologists and therapists call 'controlling personalities.'
[12:43] Dominic Rahja: They are the type of person that wants to be in control of everything around them.
[12:44] Dominic Rahja: They want all their family and friends to behave exactly as they say.
[12:44] Dominic Rahja: They are extremely manipulative people.
[12:44] Dominic Rahja: These men can be dangerous because many really have convinced themselves that they are Dominants as a justify their dysfunctional lives.
[12:44] Dominic Rahja: Many inexperienced submissives may find themselves 'naturally' attracted to these men because outwardly they seem so 'in command' of things all the time.
[12:45] Dominic Rahja: The truly ironic (and sad) thing is, a controlling personality is actually the closest thing to the OPPOSITE of a sexual Dominant.
[12:45] Dominic Rahja: Controls Freaks can be spotted because they often talk about 'taking care of you' and also 'knowing what's best for you'.
[12:45] Dominic Rahja: They almost always try to play on your emotions; especially guilt.
[12:46] Dominic Rahja: They also usually criticize and even resent the advice you get from other people.
[12:46] Dominic Rahja: They often talk about 24/7 D/s relationships without going into any details about what kind of actual scenes they play
[12:46] Dominic Rahja: They are fond of telling you that they prefer the 'mental aspect' of Domination and submission.
[12:46] Dominic Rahja: They tend to be both demanding and argumentative.
[12:47] Dominic Rahja: Nothing you do will ever be 'quite right.'
[12:47] Dominic Rahja: While all this may seem very repulsive and easy to avoid, be on your guard, the average control freak often seems very charming initially.
[12:47] Dominic Rahja: Once they have their 'hooks' into you its very hard to get untangled.
[12:47] Dominic Rahja: ok
[12:47] Dominic Rahja: now a real bad group
[12:48] Dominic Rahja: prolly a small minority, but an exsisting one
[12:48] Dominic Rahja: Rapists and Predators
[12:48] Dominic Rahja: The last and most dangerous type of enemy is the rapist or predator.
[12:48] Dominic Rahja: These are the men most likely to damage or even end your life.
[12:49] Dominic Rahja: The truly frightening thing about these evil men it that there is NO easy way to spot them.
[12:49] Dominic Rahja: Rapists can be anything from bums to bank mangers, and anyone from family members to total strangers.
[12:49] Dominic Rahja: One in four women has suffered an attack from this vile creature, and one in seven men as well!
[12:49] Dominic Rahja: There motive is violence.
[12:49] Dominic Rahja: The best defence is never make yourself too vulnerable.
[12:50] Dominic Rahja: To defend yourself from predators, learn all the in's and out's of setting up a good Safety Net.
[12:50] Dominic Rahja: Follow these procedures religiously.
[12:50] Dominic Rahja: Most important of all TAKE YOUR TIME getting to know your prospective play partners
[12:50] Dominic Rahja: This is good advice in any case. If you know your partner well, you're more likely to have a good time with him (because you will feel more comfortable during that first Scene).
[12:51] Dominic Rahja: Predators are more likely to move on in search of easy prey, they do tend to be impulsive.
[12:51] Dominic Rahja: If a 'Dom' you have been talking too suddenly seems to loose interest in you after a period of time, you may have just saved your own life.
[12:51] Dominic Rahja: Don't go chasing after anybody. A true Dom doesn't need to play 'hard to get.'
[12:52] Dominic Rahja: this was a list of: enemies
[12:52] Dominic Rahja: ok
[12:52] Dominic Rahja: maybe u ask yourself: where are the good guys in this?
[12:52] Dominic Rahja: but this is about the risks involved when your not careful ennuf
[12:53] Dominic Rahja: surely there are a lot of good Doms
[12:53] Dominic Rahja: but nevertheless a lot of freaks
[12:53] Dominic Rahja: Step 3: Know your goal!
[12:53] Dominic Rahja: Take the time to figure out what you want.
[12:53] Dominic Rahja: It's often hard for newbie subs to do this because sometimes they lack knowledge of what choices are available to them.
[12:54] Dominic Rahja: . ARM YOURSELF WITH KNOWLEDGE!!!
[12:54] Dominic Rahja: here are many fine publications, books, and internet websites that cater to sexual submissives, so start reading!
[12:54] Dominic Rahja: Learn about the different types of play and how they should be conducted.
[12:54] Dominic Rahja: Learn everything you can about how to set up a Safety Net.
[12:55] Dominic Rahja: Learn all the do's and don'ts of meeting others and playing safely.
[12:55] Dominic Rahja: Decide what your limits are and set them down on paper.
[12:55] Dominic Rahja: This may seem like a lot of homework to do in the name of fun, but also keep in mind that that it's your ASS that's (literally) on the line here.
[12:55] Dominic Rahja: Know what a real Dom acts like. Remember, you are probably a sexual submissive because you ARE in control the rest of the time.
[12:55] Dominic Rahja: You are strong! Likely even ambitious as well.
[12:56] Dominic Rahja: You have a career, or goals, or a lifestyle that demands this high level of energy and control.
[12:56] Dominic Rahja: Giving away your control can be a beautiful respite from everyday life.
[12:56] Dominic Rahja: Your power and energy is something you only want to give to someone you trust, and in intimate situations at that.
[12:56] Dominic Rahja: It's a very personal thing to you!
[12:57] Dominic Rahja: Well guess what, sexual Dominants are usually the compliment of this.
[12:57] Dominic Rahja: Doms are strong people too, we do tend to be intelligent.
[12:57] Dominic Rahja: Doms are often highly trained professionals or skilled craftsmen.
[12:57] Dominic Rahja: However, we tend to avoid lifestyles and careers that demand they be in control all the time.
[12:57] Dominic Rahja: Doms tend to be easygoing. I have never in my life met, or even heard of, an uptight sexual Dominant.
[12:58] Dominic Rahja: We like being in control in INTIMATE situations.
[12:58] Dominic Rahja: any questions class?
[12:58] Dominic Rahja: I know its a bunch of text
[12:59] Dominic Rahja: but what it comes to is the fact that you bring your own personality in this
[12:59] Dominic Rahja: giving away your soul, isnt something you should do with the devil
[13:00] Dominic Rahja: but to one you can trust
[13:00] Dominic Rahja: I select some part of the text what I got left
[13:00] Dominic Rahja: and I'll hand you the full text after
[13:01] Dominic Rahja: Step 4: Memorize the Acid Tests!
[13:01] Dominic Rahja: When in doubt, throw it out! Don't waste your time with people that make you feel uncomfortable.
[13:01] Dominic Rahja: Even if the guy was a real Dom, if his personality makes you feel uncomfortable ,he's not going to be fun to play with.
[13:01] Dominic Rahja: "You'd better call me Sir!" is the mating call of a HNG or control freak.
[13:01] Dominic Rahja: Real Doms don't have to ask for titles, we EARN them. Most real Doms will say things like "please, call me Mike..."
[13:02] Dominic Rahja: btw
[13:02] Dominic Rahja: My opinion
[13:02] Dominic Rahja: I do believe a title does show respect
[13:02] ***NZ***: yes Master
[13:02] Dominic Rahja: just a small addition
[13:02] Dominic Rahja: but one that makes a Dom feel proud
[13:03] ***NZ***: yes Sir
[13:03] Dominic Rahja: but surely, it is not the most important thing in life
[13:03] Dominic Rahja: "I want you to take my collar before you play with me."
[13:03] Dominic Rahja: This is another common demand of fakes, most often made by control freaks.
[13:03] Dominic Rahja: They have to isolate you from other people and their advice, and sometimes a little ole "cyber-collar" is just the thing!
[13:04] Dominic Rahja: Cyber-collars are worth less other than the leather required to make one.
[13:04] Dominic Rahja: If you get an Instant Message that says something like "On your knees you [slave, slut, bitch,whore, etc.]"
[13:04] Dominic Rahja: This is the mating call of the HNG.
[13:04] Dominic Rahja: Use some common sense here.
[13:05] Dominic Rahja: Why waste your time with somebody that's not even polite?
[13:05] ***OE***: @ comment only
[13:05] Dominic Rahja: There's a time and a place for these endearing terms, and it isn't online!
[13:05] Dominic Rahja: yes ***OE***
[13:05] ***OE***: trust me when i say TRUST*GUT INSTINCT* i will tell you why, as one who has been in this situration, if that little voice within is ignored, you've just lead yourself into a situration of what i will call *CRITICAL MASS* that was me.
[13:05] Dominic Rahja: you know
[13:06] Dominic Rahja: all these things can be played in a scene
[13:06] Dominic Rahja: but that doesnt mean that Dom is like that
[13:06] Dominic Rahja: sometimes ( for some) it can be fun to be called names
[13:07] Dominic Rahja: but there s a difference bewteen being called slut or slut
[13:07] Dominic Rahja: if you know what I mean lol
[13:07] Dominic Rahja: "I don't have to answer that question!" or "It's not proper etiquette for you to ask a Master that." are examples of some the dangerous LIES that control freaks and snerts use.
[13:08] Dominic Rahja: This is the Acid test I personally think is the most important
[13:08] Dominic Rahja: A Dom had better be ready to at least TRY and answer every question you have, and HONESTLY at that!
[13:08] ***NZ***: welcome witch
[13:08] Dominic Rahja: Its literally your ass that's on the line! Never forget this!
[13:08] ***LF***: helllo
[13:09] Alexxa Xue: @
[13:09] Dominic Rahja: Alexxa?
[13:09] ***mZ***: @
[13:09] Alexxa Xue: WhatsYour opinion of a dom married in rl who wants to have a dom/sub relationship in sl?
[13:09] Dominic Rahja: thats very well possible
[13:10] ***LF***: why Not
[13:10] Dominic Rahja: for one: when someone is honest about that
[13:10] ***LF***: I have
[13:10] Dominic Rahja: when one hides his rl relationship, thats always wrong
[13:11] ***LF*** aggree
[13:11] Dominic Rahja: and of course, when things are brought into intimacy in any way
[13:11] Dominic Rahja: it would be nice if all involved agree to that
[13:11] Dominic Rahja: consensual is the big word
[13:12] Dominic Rahja: I mean: they can tell you, hey Im married but I hate her
[13:12] Dominic Rahja: thats not an excuse
[13:12] ***MS***: @ would like to make a comment.
[13:12] Dominic Rahja: sure ***MS***
[13:13] ***MS***: Thanks. I am new to the whole Dom/sub thing, and am married in RL.
[13:13] ***NZ***: @ Master may i say about Us
[13:14] ***MS***: My husband knows what I do on here and knows everything that I am looking for on here. I think some people go through here, because, as is with me, I cannot get certain things from him, because he *hubby* is not like that.
[13:14] Dominic Rahja: yes after ***MS*** sweets
[13:14] Dominic Rahja: nods
[13:14] ***MS***: So, I think it goes both ways. And if everyone, including your sig in rl is okay with it, why not. #
[13:14] ***LF***: @ would like to make a comment to
[13:14] ***OE***: @
[13:15] Dominic Rahja: here on sl there are many married ppl exploring the D/s side
[13:15] Dominic Rahja: can only enrich your married life I should say
[13:15] Dominic Rahja: ***NZ***, and then ***OE***
[13:15] ***JZ*** nods
[13:15] ***NZ***: imy husband what i do in SL knows my Master knows what tasks i do for my Owner an was alright an informed of my RL Meeting with my Master
[13:15] Dominic Rahja: and ***LF***
[13:15] ***NZ***: Knows
[13:16] ***LC*** whispers: sorry Sir gotta leave *waves & poofs*
[13:16] Dominic Rahja: dont forget that por case is very exceptional baby
[13:16] ***NZ***: all is consentual with all parties involved
[13:16] ***JZ***: @
[13:16] ***LF***: I a happy married in Rl with my sub... He is online to, and have a Sl Mister,, I have a Master... So we both get some somehink we dont get in Rl... and both our Sl partner know about....
[13:16] Dominic Rahja: I mean, how many husbands or wives would approve a rl meet
[13:17] Dominic Rahja: not many
[13:17] Dominic Rahja: yes ***LF***
[13:17] ***OE***: my partner in rl view this lifestlye as abuse. only due to the fact he's seen only the worst. in rl and esp. online
[13:17] Dominic Rahja: nods
[13:17] ***LF***: we have been hunest about it
[13:17] Dominic Rahja: point is: if one doesnt understand, then it can become a problem
[13:18] ***OE***: yes. reason i show by example
[13:18] Dominic Rahja: theres a whole bunch there who look upon D/s as a freak show
[13:18] ***LF***: Yes... My Old Master want me to get a divorve.... so we have to stop
[13:18] Dominic Rahja: and that view is supported by law
[13:19] Dominic Rahja: and the bible not to forget
[13:19] ***JZ***: @
[13:19] Dominic Rahja: and of course laws have to be there
[13:19] Dominic Rahja: ***JZ***?
[13:19] ***OE***: i know of a rl situration where the Sadist knew the laws of what state to meet. contractional up held.
[13:19] ***JZ***: Sir do you hand out transcripts of this class after you are finished?..... I lost my notes when i crashed. :(
[13:20] Dominic Rahja: yes I and out this text and the whole class notes will be put on Pirates blog
[13:20] Dominic Rahja: oh yes ***OE***..they study well
[13:21] Dominic Rahja: I can give you an example of how easy your rl is to track
[13:21] Dominic Rahja: suppose you meet a guy
[13:21] Dominic Rahja: and he asks you a lot of questions
[13:21] Dominic Rahja: btw most do soon they know you are submissive
[13:22] Dominic Rahja: you tell him you got a job
[13:22] Dominic Rahja: at Wal Mart
[13:22] Dominic Rahja: the next day u tell him you gotta go to work at 8.30
[13:23] Dominic Rahja: and every day u come back online when home at 6pm
[13:23] Dominic Rahja: then after a while u tell you are in Colorado
[13:23] Dominic Rahja: and you describe the landscape
[13:23] Dominic Rahja: or you tell him you been shopping in a near by city
[13:24] Dominic Rahja: athen, u tell him your first rl name
[13:24] ***NZ***: soo trusting
[13:24] Dominic Rahja: well the puzzle is almost unfold
[13:24] ***LF***: and someday there is nothink in your home.. there have been a hopefully a thief
[13:24] Dominic Rahja: how many wal marts are there in colorado with one working there named Mary and close to that city she shopped
[13:25] Dominic Rahja: and that without giving him your ID right away lol
[13:25] ***OE***: cuts down at least the 5% mark
[13:25] Dominic Rahja: in any way
[13:26] Dominic Rahja: its hard to know what your getting in at first impression
[13:26] Dominic Rahja: you gotta know eachother better
[13:26] Dominic Rahja: and that takes time
[13:26] Dominic Rahja: the fakers usually dont have time
[13:26] Dominic Rahja: they want sex here and now
[13:27] Dominic Rahja: if they dont get it right away they find abother
[13:27] Dominic Rahja: another
[13:27] ***OE***: @ comment
[13:27] Dominic Rahja: Im looking at the time
[13:27] Dominic Rahja: yes ***OE***
[13:27] ***JZ***: need to go..... enjoyed this class....very informative...bye all
[13:28] ***OE***: true of the submissive too
[13:28] ***NZ***: bye
[13:28] ***OE***: both side of the fence
[13:30] ***mZ***: yes i'm new to sl and still new on the rl also and learning much
[13:30] Dominic Rahja: yes
[13:30] ***mZ***: but i find to offer my collatr a very impotant decision as i will care for my sub
[13:31] Dominic Rahja: yes it is
[13:31] Dominic Rahja: its a symbol
[13:31] Dominic Rahja: I do find an online collar important too
[13:31] ***mZ***: literally untiil which time she is ready to leave so as far as someone offering a collar to soon watch out
[13:31] Dominic Rahja: but not everyone handles it with the same intentions
[13:32] Dominic Rahja: thank you all for attending class
[13:32] ***mZ***: ty
[13:32] Dominic Rahja: hope it was interesting
[13:32] Dominic Rahja: and safe paths to all
[13:32] ***LF***: Mm i dont find the collar important.... the collar isin your heart
[13:32] ***OE***: i've enjoyed highly, thank You
[13:32] Dominic Rahja: no, but it symbolizes a D/s relationship
[13:32] ***SF***: well put ***LF***
[13:33] Dominic Rahja: yw ***OE***
[13:33] Dominic Rahja: and thx for your input
[13:33] ***OE***: You're most welcomed smiles
[13:33] Dominic Rahja: what I always suggest for new D/s stylers in sl:
[13:34] Dominic Rahja: is to observe a lot
[13:34] Dominic Rahja: surely talk about it
[13:34] Dominic Rahja: and attend classes like this
[13:34] Dominic Rahja: but mostly observe
[13:34] ***NZ***: anyone have actual class notes ...
[13:34] Dominic Rahja: Pirate does that baby
[13:35] ***NZ***: shes not here
[13:35] ***OE***: yes, thank you, ***NZ***.

Responsibilities of Dominance - 7/13/09

2009-07-13T13:28:00.000-07:00

[12:13] Pirate Russell: Ok, T/those that will, please turn off any radars, MystiTools, etc.
[12:13] Pirate Russell: Please take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[12:14] Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! As most of y'all know, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor. I have been in SL over 3 1/2 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[12:14] Pirate Russell: For any that need to leave early, all transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[12:14] Pirate Russell: And I know that ***KN*** won't belive it, but I'm totally caught up! he he
[12:15] Pirate Russell: hiya, ***PH*** and ***TR***, JUST starting
[12:15] ***PH***: good
[12:15] ***TR***: Hello :)
[12:15] ***PH***: hi
[12:15] ***KN***: mmhmm
[12:15] Pirate Russell: O/our topic today: The Repsonsibility of Dominance
[12:15] ***PH***: still all rezzing
[12:15] Pirate Russell: I would like to preface this with My usual, EVERY releationship is as different as those that are in it.
[12:15] ***EC***: Hi all newcomers
[12:15] Pirate Russell: I used to say the two that are in it, but relationships now include more than two, but I won't go so far as to include the occasional farm animal, though.
[12:15] Pirate Russell: Please take all cross talk to IM
[12:15] Pirate Russell: Dominants have responsibilities and, yes rules, too!
[12:16] Pirate Russell: The Highest Honour That A Dominant Could Ever Achieve Is The State Of Honour Itself. To Be Completely Respected And Trusted.
[12:16] Pirate Russell: There Are Some Definite Guidelines About Being A Dominant. With The Ever Growing Population Of "Chatrooms" There Appears To Be A Lot Of Confusion About The Dominants Role In The "Online" Lifestyle.
[12:16] Pirate Russell: The Foundation Of The Dominant Are Based On 3 Li'l Words:
[12:16] Pirate Russell: Trust
[12:16] Pirate Russell: Honour
[12:16] Pirate Russell: Respect
[12:16] Pirate Russell: Each Dominant Should Be Able To Display Chararistics Of These Words, Both "Online" As Well As Offline.
[12:16] Pirate Russell: The Power Exchange Is About Trust Can You Trust Someone Who Dismisses Your Feelings Even In An "Online" Relationship.
[12:17] Pirate Russell: Playing In Other Chats Or Instant Messengers, Secretly Accepting Other "submissives" All The While He Is Claiming He Is "Trustworthy"?
[12:17] Pirate Russell: Is It Acceptable For A Dominant To Hide "Online" Things From His submissive?
[12:17] ***PH***: players?
[12:17] Pirate Russell: Especially If They Plan On A Real Time Meeting Or Relationship? If They Hiding Things Here, Wonders What They are going to Hide From You RL.
[12:17] Strider Wisent: no
[12:18] ***PH***: players will be players :)
[12:18] Pirate Russell: One Of The Things A submissive Must Have Is The Confidence In Their Dominant Will Not Harm Them Nor Allow Harm To Come To Them.
[12:18] Pirate Russell: Trust Must Be Established. This Goes For The Mental Health As Well As The Physical Aspect Of The Relationship.
[12:18] Pirate Russell: Trust Will Grow As We Respect And Honour Each Other. Please Get To Know The Person You Are Considering To Be In A Relationship With.
[12:19] Pirate Russell: You Are Trusting Someone With The Most Precious Thing You Have...Your LIFE. You Can Quickly End Up In A Situation That Is Neither Safe, Sane, Nor Consensual.
[12:19] Pirate Russell: Can You Really Trust Your Life To Someone who Takes No Value Of The Words Trust, Honour & Respect?
[12:20] ***PH***: easy one - no
[12:20] Pirate Russell: you can if that's your kink, but not the most logical choice
[12:20] Pirate Russell: According to Rules for Masters by Jack Rinella <>
[12:20] Pirate Russell: 1. Have some rules. Over time, of course, each one of us gains insight into what works and what doesn't. Some of this wisdom is codified into rules.
[12:20] Pirate Russell: Rules are protective, instructive, and helpful. Having rules means that you know yourself, know what you want and don't want, and understand that everyone, including yourself, has limits.
[12:20] Pirate Russell: I know some people think they have no limits. They are fooling themselves as we are all constrained by physical nature, economic considerations, legal issues, and moral and ethical realities.
[12:21] Pirate Russell: We are all limited by the rose colored glasses through which we see the world. Rules help us respect those limits and avoid the trouble that is encountered when we exceed them.
[12:21] Pirate Russell: 2. Make sure those rules are your rules. You can't (well you can if you want) just go out and find some rules and use them.
[12:21] Pirate Russell: Rules must take their life from who you are. Rules must reflect the authentic you. If they don't, they will be burdensome and unenforceable.
[12:21] Pirate Russell: Good rules, then, start from the first rule of life: "Know thyself." I guess I would then temper that with "Love, and then do whatever you will." That doesn't mean that you can't borrow or copy another's rules. By all means do so.
[12:21] Pirate Russell: There is no reason to reinvent the wheel. If Master so and so has a reason for doing something and you like it, then do it too. Just make sure the rules resonate with who you are and what you want.
[12:22] Pirate Russell: I can not be too strong in emphasizing the importance of the inner self in this arena of rule-making column.
[12:22] Pirate Russell: 3. Don't make brittle rules. Rules are helpful because they add clarity and facilitate decision making. Rules cut in stone become millstones and anchors.
[12:23] Pirate Russell: Now I have nothing against either of those things as we need to grind grain and anchor boats,
[12:23] Pirate Russell: but if you think you can run your dungeon, your slave, or your life by a set of rules that are set in concrete or carved in granite, then you are kidding yourself.
[12:23] Pirate Russell: Better than a long list of rules, one might have a list of principles, guidelines for action. Certainly they may lend themselves to codification, but the spirit of the principle is much more important than the letter of the law.
[12:24] Pirate Russell: The Sabbath, after all, was made for man, not man for the Sabbath. Besides, there are always going to be exceptions and no amount of rule writing is going to cover all the possibilities.
[12:24] Pirate Russell: 4. Communicate those rules. It's obvious that we need to communicate rules to slaves so that they obey them. The same goes for rules for ourselves.
[12:25] Pirate Russell: Over time, I tell my applicants my rules and explain why I have them. I won't, for instance, let a subissive write and talk endlessly.
[12:25] Pirate Russell: He has got to show up at my doorstep within 6-8 weeks of our initial meeting. Why? Because I'm not into cybersex.
[12:25] Pirate Russell: Are there exceptions? Sure. The date can be extended for lots of reasons, but the communication will be curtailed until the plane ticket is bought. It's simply a matter that if you're not ready, then please don't act like you are.
[12:26] Pirate Russell: Communicating your rules has some nice benefits.
[12:26] Pirate Russell: It shows you are in control, that you have an understanding of what you want and don't want, and that you've thought about being a Master.
[12:26] Pirate Russell: It also gives the submissive a sense of security to know that you have rules too, such as "I will not have un-safe sex." Now he knows he doesn't have to worry about one thing anyway.
[12:27] Pirate Russell: 5. Remember man, that thou art dust; or get real. These Doms who think the world revolves around them need to think again.
[12:27] Pirate Russell: Humility is a still a virtue, even in a person who wields great power. Being in control doesn't that mean that a person needs to be haughty, egotistical, or obnoxious.
[12:27] Pirate Russell: If you are truly a person born to rule, then you have no need to put on airs. Pretense smells. Honesty, sincerity, and generosity have quite a different odor about them.
[12:27] Pirate Russell: There's also a side of this rule that involves practicality. Your rules need to be pragmatic, workable, reasonable, measurable, and enforceable.
[12:28] Pirate Russell: If they aren't, they will be honored only in the breaking and you will be seen as living in a fantasy world. It's one thing, of course, to have a rule for a weekend scene, quite another to have a rule for living out the rest of your life.
[12:28] Pirate Russell: 6. Stay above it. Just because the world is going to hell in a hand basket is no reason for you to do the same. Have high standards and stick to them.
[12:28] Pirate Russell: 7. Set benchmarks and progress points. A person becomes a doctor through a long and arduous series of learning experiences and tests that prove the experiences have had their desired effect.
[12:28] Pirate Russell: Each passing grade through high school, college, and med school contributes to the eventual M.D. Each evaluation, and not any single one, grants a person his or her license to practice medicine.
[12:29] Pirate Russell: It is no different for plumbers, electricians, or anyone else who wishes to acquire skill and standing.
[12:29] Pirate Russell: As you evaluate prospective slaves, recognize that this is a process and note their success or failure at each step of the way.
[12:29] Pirate Russell: Too often we want to jump to a full-blown contract while what are required are small steps and a gradual process.
[12:30] Pirate Russell: Heat milk quickly and it scalds, heat it slowly and it comes out just right.
[12:30] Pirate Russell: Running evaluations are helpful to everyone. Rules, after all, are meant to be helpful, indicative of reality.
[12:30] Pirate Russell: 8. Don't talk it all to death. submissives, if you want no more than phone and cyber sex, then keep talking. If you want real leather, you have to get physical.
[12:31] Pirate Russell: We are, after all, trying to develop real relationships. If I'm never going to meet you, I'm never going to be your master. You can pretend all you want on the phone.
[12:31] Pirate Russell: It might even get you off. But one of my rules is that until you've shaken hands, you haven't met. Until I can look at you eye to eye, eat a meal with you, and hear your voice without the benefit of wires or radio waves, it's just a prelude and nothing mo
[12:31] Pirate Russell: re,
[12:31] Pirate Russell: 9. Take responsibility. First and foremost you, top or bottom, are responsible for the consequences of your actions. Recognize that fact. Act responsibly. You are the one, after all, who wants to be in control.
[12:32] Pirate Russell: 10. When a person says one thing and does another, I always listen to what they do. That advice has stood me in good stead. I hope it does the same for you.
[12:32] Pirate Russell: I'd like to wind up today's talk with the Seven Pillars of Dominance:
[12:32] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant is a ruler, but never a tyrant. But to rule requires understanding, and understanding requires humility.
[12:32] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant has pride, but never arrogance. But pride requires dignity, and dignity requires humility.
[12:33] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant commands respect, but never fear. But respect requires serenity, and serenity requires humility.
[12:33] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant employs strength, but never force. But strength requires knowledge, and knowledge requires humility.
[12:33] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant criticizes, but never derides. But criticism requires insight, and insight requires humility.
[12:33] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant receives, but never takes. But receiving requires giving, and giving requires humility.
[12:34] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant completes, but never tries to alter. But to complete one must be able to see what is there, not what is missing, and this most of all requires humility.
[12:34] Pirate Russell: In short, to use an archaic phrase, noblesse oblige.
[12:34] Pirate Russell: The Dictionnaire de l’Académie française defines it thus: "Whoever claims to be noble must conduct himself nobly."
[12:34] Pirate Russell: And the most important consideration. If a Dominant is the centre of a submissive's universe, it is because she thinks so, not because He does.
[12:35] Pirate Russell: No one is respected, let alone obeyed, just because. The truth of the matter is that owning is at least as much work as being owned.
[12:35] Pirate Russell: All transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[12:35] Pirate Russell: College of Kink classes Monday, Tuesday & Friday @ 12:00pm.
[12:35] Pirate Russell: Y/you could always check the Search/Events and look for College.
[12:35] Pirate Russell: Questions, Comments??
[12:36] Pirate Russell listens to the crickets.....
[12:36] ***TW***: lol
[12:37] ***TW***: i'm awake! I promise :)
[12:37] ***PH***: my 1st question out of all of it would be simple and nice one- and btw Pirate awsome stuff - i agree on most. WHY the frink doms have to SHOW their dominance to others- as their slaves/pets/subs needing to show themself as being lesser - to kneel to be nakid why is that so overflowing SL?
[12:37] ***PH***: here you go :)
[12:37] ***PH***: sub-dom is intimate
[12:37] ***PH***: well can be
[12:38] Pirate Russell: Because they are not true Dominants. They are Dom-a-be's!
[12:38] ***PH***: and why the those slaves are going elswhere - when masters are not awareare not aware -
[12:38] ***PH***: i love you!
[12:38] ***PH***: :)
[12:38] ***TR***: :)
[12:38] ***PH***: well like :)
[12:38] ***PH***: no but really
[12:38] ***PH***: ghawd
[12:38] Pirate Russell: They think they can slap a collar on you and fuck you, easier than finding a girl the 'right way'
[12:39] ***EC***: I kneel to show respect for my Master and because I want to, I like being at his feet
[12:39] ***TR***: only exception to that would be subs that like the public humiliation?
[12:39] ***KN***: or they're just guys, who want to see a naked body
[12:39] ***PH***: im not talking about you - you have dress on :)
[12:39] ***PH***: im talking about what u see going on in SL
[12:39] ***EC***: Bermuda shorts actually {wink}
[12:40] Pirate Russell: I agree, mostly it's males, but I've seen bad dommes, too
[12:40] ***PH***: bitches are worse
[12:40] Pirate Russell likes naked bodies, too!
[12:40] ***PH***: its not being a dom is being mostly offensive and abusive cause they cant do it 'at home'
[12:40] ***TW***: I think that SL is a safe place for people to learn and play. Some get mixed up with a bad dom/me.
[12:41] ***PH***: LEARN :) all for it
[12:41] ***PH***: play TOO
[12:41] ***TW***: They go off of what vanilla people see as the stereo type for a d/s relationship
[12:41] Pirate Russell: Bad Dom's are why I took this job.
[12:41] ***PH***: utopist
[12:41] ***TR***: :D
[12:41] ***PH***: :)
[12:41] Pirate Russell: I'd spend HOURS each week, doing interventions.
[12:41] ***PH***: we all are good already
[12:41] ***TW***: and they think that they are supposed to do whatever he/she says
[12:41] ***TW***: and just follow blindly
[12:41] Pirate Russell: The fact that y'all are here, shows me that you're doing it the right way
[12:41] ***TR***: isn't the interventions needed where the true nature doesn't live anyway?
[12:41] ***PH***: good sub has their own mind
[12:41] ***PH***: and challenges dom
[12:42] ***PH***: so its up to a sub too
[12:42] ***EC***: a good sub is the one that is often in control
[12:42] Pirate Russell: the first thing I teach subs is to say... "I'm a submissive, but not YOUR submissive!"
[12:42] ***TW***: yes - i agree - anyone that doesn't recognize the power that a sub holds - isn't really ready for a d/s relationship
[12:42] Pirate Russell: Last week's class, which is up on the blog, was submissive rights
[12:42] ***PH***: im a submissive because i like it so it is my free will - more like it
[12:43] Pirate Russell: Especially in SL, if***TW*** was mine, and I pissed her off, she could take off My collar, mute me, ban Me from her lands, and not a damn thing I could do about it!
[12:43] ***TR***: Maybe it's just me and I'm strange (yes) but for me, being Dom is about "taking care"... and caring
[12:43] Pirate Russell: And file abuse reports every time I was in the same sim!
[12:43] ***PH***: yeah but subs still need to listen and obey :( sumtimes
[12:44] ***TW***: lol - true Pirate
[12:44] ***TW***: and - yes - I like your kind of strange then ***TR***
[12:44] ***PH***: agrees
[12:44] Pirate Russell: Oh, yes, ***TR***, My girls are pets first, and some are pain slut's too, others are whores, some just like to stay and be cuddled!
[12:44] ***EC***: I love to feel safe and secure with my Master, He looks after me
[12:44] ***EC***: my emotional wellbeing
[12:44] ***TW***: I have heard it said more than once - and i believe it to be true
[12:45] Pirate Russell: Those rules and boundries that he talked about in the talk I shamelessly stole
[12:45] ***TW***: that truly good doms - were first truly good subs
[12:45] ***PH***: what about reverse - being curious @Teague
[12:45] Pirate Russell: Most, not all,***TW***... I've never been a sub
[12:45] ***TR***: it's not so strange in a world where we are forcibly controlled and have to be strong and in our own control - to be glad to leave the control to someone you trust, and almost... give the responsability away
[12:45] Pirate Russell: And I have compliments up the ying yang, from 'one dungeon stands'
[12:46] ***TW***: there are wonderful exceptions to every rule, Mistress :)
[12:46] Pirate Russell: The strongest people I know are submissives, they CAN give the gift of themselves, I cannot!
[12:46] ***PH***: u didnt find nice dom orr you dont want to :)
[12:46] Pirate Russell will keep***TW*** after class!! ;-)
[12:46] ***TW***: hehe - promises, promises, Mistress....
[12:47] ***EC***: I have met a lot of Dom/mes in SL, but I have only connected with two
[12:47] Pirate Russell:***TW***, SEE ME IN MY OFFICE, AFTER CLASS! he he
[12:47] ***TW***: *smiles* Yes, Mistress
[12:47] ***TW***: lol
[12:48] ***TW***: Seriously - though - I am very new to d/s and this lifestyle
[12:48] ***TW***: I have gone to many classes
[12:48] Pirate Russell: all kidding aside, thre is NOTHING so true, as that line, "If you're the center of her universe, it's cuz she thinks so, not because you do"
[12:48] ***PH***: sub / dom is the most intimate you can get with yourself
[12:48] ***PH***: you probably found that that ticks you- and you want to explore
[12:48] Pirate Russell: yes, you give YOURSELF to him.
[12:48] Pirate Russell: er Him
[12:49] ***TR***: :D
[12:49] Pirate Russell: what greater gift is there?
[12:49] ***EC***: if he doesn't feel like the centre of my universe the connection isn't right, time for me to get my coat!
[12:49] ***PH***: and that is great - because u opened yourself to possibilities
[12:49] Pirate Russell: Other than a child....
[12:49] ***PH***: the worst thing that you could do is loose your mind/logic in it
[12:49] Pirate Russell: Or to make sure he IS that center, and that you show him.
[12:49] ***PH***: or yourself
[12:49] ***TW***: and what i seem to see over and over - is that a truly healthy relationship is one in which the dom completely puts the needs of the sub first.... and the sub puts the needs of the dom first.
[12:49] ***PH***: be you
[12:50] ***PH***: that is every relationship***TW*** :)
[12:50] ***PH***: every healthy one!
[12:50] ***TR***: that's beautifully said
[12:50] Pirate Russell:***TW***, that isn't just in D/s relationships... Every Marriage SHOULD be like that
[12:50] ***PH***: marriage ? :)
[12:50] ***PH***: relationship :)
[12:50] ***TW***: i agree that it SHOULD
[12:50] ***PH***: ow partnership
[12:50] ***TW***: just isn't always
[12:50] ***TW***: brb
[12:51] ***PH***: well you still are the dom of your pixels and your flesh and your life
[12:51] Pirate Russell: One of the BEST quotes in the world...
[12:51] Pirate Russell: "Love" is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own... Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy.
Robert A. Heinlein
[12:51] ***PH***: hawg for that
[12:51] ***PH***: +h
[12:52] Pirate Russell: "The happines of another is esential to your own..."!
[12:52] ***PH***: that could be portrayed as a need expecially with 'vagina ppl'
[12:52] ***PH***: love is unconditional
[12:52] ***TR***: I feel that way in Love, strongly
[12:52] ***PH***: that means u have trust and respect :)
[12:53] ***PH***: and all
[12:53] ***PH***: but once more we are different :)
[12:53] Pirate Russell: And Honour (British spelling for ***EC***)
[12:53] ***PH***: :)
[12:53] ***EC***: LOL thank you Miss
[12:53] ***PH***: honour comes from that 2
[12:54] Pirate Russell: One of my girls is from Birmingham
[12:54] Pirate Russell: not Michigan or Alabama, either!
[12:54] ***EC***: north of me Miss
[12:54] Pirate Russell: Anyway......
[12:54] ***BB***: {smiles} As for me, I was reluctant.. I didn't accept the labels at first. I only know that I feel honored by what she offers me, sometimes humbled.. and I have no care for whether or not I'm considered a good dom, or a wanna-be or even a dom at all. I am a compilation of my actions.. and it is she that makes me worthy or not.
[12:55] ***PH***: mhm
[12:55] ***PH*** agrees
[12:55] ***TR***: wow ***BB***
[12:55] ***EC*** blushes
[12:55] ***TR***: good one
[12:55] Pirate Russell: We all are, how do you think I got to be The Preeminent Polyamorous Lesbian Alpha Bitch Domme of SL ™?
[12:55] ***EC***: see why I love this man???? sigh
[12:55] Pirate Russell: Do you think I just made that up?
[12:55] ***PH***: you can be
[12:55] Pirate Russell: Ok, I did... he he
[12:56] ***BB***: sheer numbers?? chuckles
[12:56] ***PH***: nah prolly someone called you that:)
[12:56] ***TR***: We bow to your title, oh great One :)
[12:56] Pirate Russell: LOL, anyway, we're all defined by our actions and words. RL, SL, and Third Life!
[12:56] ***PH***: thoughts and emotions to ourselves
[12:56] ***BB***: You sound like a Texan to me..
[12:57] Pirate Russell has lived there courtesy of a rich uncle..... Uncle Sam, USAF stationed in Abliene
[12:57] ***PH***: u for my sake can define what you want our of me (having you as an example Miss) but that doesnt define me :)
[12:57] ***BB***: {grins} I thought as much
[12:57] ***PH***: what i feel with that and how i feel it defines me
[12:58] Pirate Russell: Well, looking at the same behaviour, I have some respect Me, and others deride Me for being a Mistress and into D/s
[12:58] ***PH***: so what then?
[12:58] ***PH***: :)
[12:58] ***PH***: what do you feel about yourself?
[12:58] Pirate Russell: So just cuz you do good, doesn't mean that you are perceived as good.
[12:59] Pirate Russell: I KNOW I'm good, and as long as I convince those I Love, and those that Love Me..... BINGO!
[12:59] ***PH***: exactly
[12:59] ***PH***: how you percieve yourself (and we are talking you knowing yourself and know exactly what is good/bad)
[12:59] Pirate Russell: And to a lesser extent, y'all, I at least have respect, cuz you've sat here for an hour listening to Me rant!
[13:00] ***PH***: that makes you good dom/sub
[13:00] Pirate Russell: and that takes... humility!
[13:00] Pirate Russell: LOL
[13:00] ***EC***: Thank you for a very informative talk Miss
[13:00] Pirate Russell: Ahh, I guess you're leaving ,then?
[13:00] ***BB***: {bows to mistress} I very much appreciate your expertise mistress} I will consider your words more in quiet
[13:01] Pirate Russell: Guess I should dismiss class then, since y'all are jumping up and running?
[13:01] Strider Wisent: you've given me things to think about too - thanks
[13:01] ***TW***: back
[13:01] ***TW***: did i miss all the good stuff?
[13:01] Pirate Russell: umm.. ok, I USED to be in charge, but....
[13:01] ***PH***: welcome back (you can read it)
[13:01] ***PH***: :D
[13:01] ***BB***: Good day all.
[13:02] ***EC***: hope to see you all again soon, bye
[13:03] ***TR***: bbye
[13:03] ***PH***: i need to have a bath or shower &eat
[13:03] ***PH***: not at the same time
[13:03] ***PH***: although
[13:03] ***PH***: jeeez
[13:03] ***PH***: :)
[13:03] ***TR***: hehe
[13:03] Pirate Russell: Next time you leave in mid class, please just go, don't make an interruption, ok, ***PH***?
[13:03] ***PH***: did i ?
[13:04] ***PH***: of course its okay
[13:04] ***TW***: just read everything
[13:04] ***TW***: ***BB*** is a friend of mine - and very well-spoken
[13:04] ***TW***: i think highly of him
[13:04] Pirate Russell: yes, he is, as do I!
[13:07] Pirate Russell: Class dismissed

The Gift of submission - 7/10/09

2009-07-10T13:18:00.000-07:00

[12:11] Pirate Russell: Ok, those that will, please turn off any radars, MystiTools, etc.
[12:11] Pirate Russell: Please take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[12:12] Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! As most of y'all know, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor. I have been in SL for 3 1/2 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[12:12] Pirate Russell: For any that need to leave early, all transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[12:13] Pirate Russell: What Is Submission?
[12:13] Pirate Russell: Author: Raven Shadowborne © 1997
[12:13] Pirate Russell: Submission: (by definition) the act of granting power to another
[12:13] Pirate Russell: A rather frightening prospect for most people. To give control of yourself to someone else. The act of submitting is part of the power exchange inherent within a D/s relationship.
[12:13] Pirate Russell: It is the giving of yourself to another within preset limits, arranged before hand.
[12:14] Pirate Russell: It is an informed choice and therefor consensual. A person shouldn't just decide to submit to the first dominant they meet.
[12:14] Pirate Russell: A submissive should take the time to get to know the dominant outside the roles of dominant and submissive, as the person he/she is.
[12:14] Pirate Russell: With the information gathered during that initial learning of each other process, the submissive can then make an informed decision of whether or not to submit to that dominant.
[12:15] Pirate Russell: This process should include discussions of expectations, wants, needs and desires.
[12:15] Pirate Russell: Each submissive must decide for themselves how far they are willing to go and still stay within the guidelines of safe sane and consensual, thereby not crossing into the realm of abuse.
[12:15] Pirate Russell: The three tenets of D/s must always apply for the submission to be true submission and not abuse.
[12:16] Pirate Russell: Why a person is submissive varies extensively from person to person. Some are submissive just for a little extra zing in their intimate lives. Others may have a deep psychological need that prevents them from being any other way.
[12:16] Pirate Russell: There are three main types of submissives There are more concise groupings than these three broad ones, as evidenced by the 9 levels of submission that are widely used and referred to in many books and discussions of D/s.
[12:16] Pirate Russell: ~A: Sexual Submissive (AKA bottom, sensual submissive)
[12:17] Pirate Russell: A sexual sub is in D/s for their own sexual gratification. Once their sexual needs are met they are satisfied. They feel no real need to submit any personal control to another.
[12:17] Pirate Russell: ~B: Psychological Submissive
[12:17] Pirate Russell: This broad category tends to include those who are in it for the pain and humiliation a D/s relationship can give them.
[12:18] Pirate Russell: This category tends to include most masochists. Those who have suffered real abuse and are stuck in victim mode, tend to end up in this category.
[12:18] Pirate Russell: ~C: Natural Submissive (AKA True Submissive)
[12:18] Pirate Russell: she/he is born with a submissive nature. A need to please others. This need and submissive tendency goes beyond sexual gratification.
[12:18] Pirate Russell: It is in their nature to please others, and they will readily give up their control to another with very little or no urging from their dominant.
[12:18] Pirate Russell: Who's to say which category is best?
[12:19] Pirate Russell: Being submissive is unique and you are an individual. Being submissive comes from the heart. It can not be believably faked, acted or role played.
[12:19] Pirate Russell: True submission is a gift of high value. It is my opinion that those in the lifestyle should not judge any one else within the lifestyle for their choices.
[12:20] Pirate Russell: Who are we to say that a sexual sub is not submissive on a different level? Or that there can only be one type of submissive? Remember, life is full of small variances and innuendoes, so is D/s.
[12:20] Pirate Russell: I'm going to finish up with the submissive Bill of Rights. Remember that submissives are not doormats they are people, strong enough to give themselves to another person, let someone else tell them, make them, watch them do what they're told!
[12:20] Pirate Russell: submissive Bill of Rights:
[12:20] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to be treated with courtesy.
[12:20] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to be treated with respect.
[12:21] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to express feelings, whether good or bad.
[12:21] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to disagree and express disagreement.
[12:21] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to stand up for your beliefs, values and morals.
[12:21] Pirate Russell: ~you have a right to retain your self respect and self worth.
[12:21] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to say No.
[12:22] Pirate Russell: HOW to say "no", is a whole other class....
[12:22] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to walk away from an unhealthy situation.
[12:22] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to be treated as an intelligent, thinking person, entitled to your feelings.
[12:22] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to make mistakes and ask those mistakes to be forgiven.
[12:22] Pirate Russell: All transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[12:22] Pirate Russell: College of Kink classes Monday, Tuesday & Friday @ Noon (12:00pm).
[12:22] Pirate Russell: Y/you could always check the Search/Events and look for College or Join House of V Friends, or House of V groups, for notices immediately before the classes.
[12:23] Pirate Russell: Questions, Comments???
[12:23] Pirate Russell: SpeakEasy HUD detaching...
[12:24] Pirate Russell: No questions or comments? This is gonna be a SHORT class then!
[12:25] ***WA***: prefers sensuality to force
[12:25] Pirate Russell likes each one, at different times, usually
[12:25] ***WA***: tho I see the attraction
[12:26] ***LB*** doesn't think they're mututally exclusive. :)
[12:26] ***WA***: agrees it can be stimulating
[12:26] Pirate Russell: No, there is an overlap, I'll just force girl to have an orgasm! he he
[12:26] ***LB*** laughs.
[12:27] ***WA***: having done both sides of the coin it can be an iluminating experience
[12:28] Pirate Russell: So I'm told! he he
[12:29] ***WA*** winks
[12:29] ***LB*** grins.
[12:29] ***WA***: well abuse can get repitious too
[12:29] ***WA***: repititious
[12:29] Pirate Russell: Difference between punnishment and abuse
[12:29] ***LB***: I think though, even with force, there still has to be some....sensuality? I mean otherwise...why bother?
[12:30] Pirate Russell: and between pain and injury
[12:30] ***WA***: totally agrees
[12:30] ***WA***: tho some like pain to the that point of injury
[12:31] ***NL***: yes, some do...
[12:31] Pirate Russell: There are some painsluts out there, in RL and SL. Some that actually can orgasm from being beaten. Not a lot, but some do!
[12:31] ***NL***: and some only like the senuality once they have been injured
[12:31] ***NL***: ~smiles~ I know two!
[12:31] Pirate Russell: Yep, IF then!
[12:32] Pirate Russell: he he, oh? Anyone kneeling in this class?
[12:32] ***WA***: smiles
[12:32] ***LB***: Right, the point being that the sub has to be getting something out of it. :)
[12:32] Pirate Russell: Yes, each of us comes here, SL, to have fun!
[12:32] ***WA***: yes verry boring kneeling for hours
[12:33] ***LB*** smiles.
[12:33] Pirate Russell: that's pretty much the litmus test of a D/s relationship in SL, anyway, is it fun?
[12:33] ***LB***: I guess that depends on what you're doing while you're kneeling. :p
[12:33] Pirate Russell: Maybe not all the time, but does the fun outweigh the just kneeling
[12:33] ***SL***: Let's Go boys
[12:33] ***SL***: Thank you Pirate
[12:33] ***WA***: the thin line twixt pleasure and pain
[12:33] ***NL***: yes Sir
[12:33] Pirate Russell: ***LB***, what's the difference between cunnilingus and a peanut butter sandwich?
[12:33] ***NL***: Thank You Pirate
[12:33] Pirate Russell: My pleasure, Hope to see y'all again
[12:34] ***WA***: pussy doesn't stick to the roof of your mouth??
[12:34] Pirate Russell: Nope....
[12:34] Pirate Russell: Whatcha doin' for lunch?
[12:34] ***SL*** nodding. "Alway a pleasure, I'm sure you will."
[12:34] ***WA***: lol
[12:34] ***LB*** wouldn't have the foggiest idea. ;)
[12:34] Pirate Russell: Whatcha doin' for lunch?
[12:35] ***LB*** grins.
[12:35] Pirate Russell: Anyway, back to the topic....
[12:35] ***WA*** grins - smooth pirate!!
[12:35] ***LB*** chuckles.
[12:35] Pirate Russell: Yes, with some dominants (small "d" intentional) they're all about the kneel.
[12:35] Pirate Russell: that's it.
[12:35] ***LB*** rolls her eyes.
[12:36] Pirate Russell: I pick My girls for their personalities. For their skills, for their desire to serve, not to play a role
[12:36] ***LB***: Though kneeling certainly has its uses.
[12:37] ***LB***: Well, thanks for the chat. :)
[12:37] Pirate Russell: granted, but if that's it, I say "***LB***, kneel"... then go AFK..... surf porn...... IM, or chat with others, and just leave girl there.... NOT fun
[12:37] Pirate Russell: Oh, I guess class is dismissed then?
[12:37] ***DT***: lol
[12:38] ***DT***: thank You Pirate
[12:38] Pirate Russell sighs, remembering when Dommes, and Instructors, were in charge...
[12:38] Pirate Russell: Sure!
[12:38] ***DT***: hehehe
[12:38] ***DT***: erosion of the essential mores
[12:38] ***DT***: lack of respect
[12:38] ***DT***: lol
[12:39] Pirate Russell: This is your first class?
[12:39] ***DT***: no Pirate i have attended others in different sims
[12:40] Pirate Russell: This is your first class, of Mine?
[12:40] ***DT***: ***VV*** suggested i take in one of Your talks
[12:40] ***DT***: yes
[12:40] Pirate Russell: I must appologize, I have NEVER had the class just walk out like that. I am truly embarrassed!
[12:40] ***DT***: dont be
[12:40] Pirate Russell: RL wise, not SL blushing
[12:40] ***DT***: and no apologies nevcessary
[12:41] Pirate Russell: Next week is "Dominant Responsibility"
[12:41] ***DT***: Friday?
[12:41] ***DT***: or the early class
[12:41] ***DT***: early in the week i mean
[12:41] Pirate Russell: Monday/Friday are Me, I do the same one all week, Tuesday is Dominic Rahja
[12:41] ***DT***: ahhh ok
[12:42] ***DT***: Welll i will be taking it in on one those days then
[12:42] Pirate Russell: Hiya, Rock, you prolly got run over by the flood to get outta here.
[12:43] Pirate Russell: Well, ***DT***, have a good one, I'm gonna join the trend!
[12:43] ***DT***: yes ok Pirate lol
[12:43] ***DT***: have a nice day

The Gift of submission - 7/6/09

2009-07-10T13:17:00.000-07:00

[2009/07/06 12:12] Pirate Russell: Ok, those that will, please turn off any radars, MystiTools, etc.
[2009/07/06 12:13] Pirate Russell: Please take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[2009/07/06 12:13] Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! As most of y'all know, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor. I have been in SL for 3 1/2 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[2009/07/06 12:13] Pirate Russell: For any that need to leave early, all transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2009/07/06 12:13] Pirate Russell: What Is Submission?
[2009/07/06 12:14] Pirate Russell: Author: Raven Shadowborne © 1997
[2009/07/06 12:14] Pirate Russell: Submission: (by definition) the act of granting power to another
[2009/07/06 12:14] Pirate Russell: A rather frightening prospect for most people. To give control of yourself to someone else. The act of submitting is part of the power exchange inherent within a D/s relationship.
[2009/07/06 12:14] Pirate Russell: It is the giving of yourself to another within preset limits, arranged before hand.
[2009/07/06 12:14] Pirate Russell: It is an informed choice and therefor consensual. A person shouldn't just decide to submit to the first dominant they meet.
[2009/07/06 12:15] Pirate Russell: A submissive should take the time to get to know the dominant outside the roles of dominant and submissive, as the person he/she is.
[2009/07/06 12:15] Pirate Russell STOMPS Her foot! Underlines, and says that again!
[2009/07/06 12:15] Pirate Russell: A submissive should take the time to get to know the dominant outside the roles of dominant and submissive, as the person he/she is.
[2009/07/06 12:15] Pirate Russell: With the information gathered during that initial learning of each other process, the submissive can then make an informed decision of whether or not to submit to that dominant.
[2009/07/06 12:16] Pirate Russell: This process should include discussions of expectations, wants, needs and desires.
[2009/07/06 12:16] Pirate Russell: Each submissive must decide for themselves how far they are willing to go and still stay within the guidelines of safe sane and consensual, thereby not crossing into the realm of abuse.
[2009/07/06 12:16] Pirate Russell: Plus Limits, hard and soft.
[2009/07/06 12:16] Pirate Russell: The three tenets of D/s must always apply for the submission to be true submission and not abuse.
[2009/07/06 12:16] Pirate Russell: Why a person is submissive varies extensively from person to person. Some are submissive just for a little extra zing in their intimate lives. Others may have a deep psychological need that prevents them from being any other way.
[2009/07/06 12:17] Pirate Russell: There are three main types of submissives There are more concise groupings than these three broad ones, as evidenced by the 9 levels of submission that are widely used and referred to in many books and discussions of D/s.
[2009/07/06 12:17] Pirate Russell: ~A: Sexual Submissive (AKA bottom, sensual submissive)
[2009/07/06 12:17] Pirate Russell: A sexual sub is in D/s for their own sexual gratification. Once their sexual needs are met they are satisfied. They feel no real need to submit any personal control to another.
[2009/07/06 12:18] Pirate Russell: ~B: Psychological Submissive
[2009/07/06 12:18] Pirate Russell: This broad category tends to include those who are in it for the pain and humiliation a D/s relationship can give them.
[2009/07/06 12:18] Pirate Russell: This category tends to include most masochists. Those who have suffered real abuse and are stuck in victim mode, tend to end up in this category.
[2009/07/06 12:19] Pirate Russell: ~C: Natural Submissive (AKA True Submissive)
[2009/07/06 12:19] Pirate Russell: she/he is born with a submissive nature. A need to please others. This need and submissive tendency goes beyond sexual gratification.
[2009/07/06 12:19] Pirate Russell: It is in their nature to please others, and they will readily give up their control to another with very little or no urging from their dominant.
[2009/07/06 12:20] Pirate Russell: Who's to say which category is best?
[2009/07/06 12:20] Pirate Russell: Being submissive is unique and you are an individual. Being submissive comes from the heart. It can not be believably faked, acted or role played.
[2009/07/06 12:20] Pirate Russell: True submission is a gift of high value. It is my opinion that those in the lifestyle should not judge any one else within the lifestyle for their choices.
[2009/07/06 12:20] Pirate Russell: Who are we to say that a sexual sub is not submissive on a different level? Or that there can only be one type of submissive? Remember, life is full of small variances and innuendoes, so is D/s.
[2009/07/06 12:20] Pirate Russell: I'm going to finish up with the submissive Bill of Rights. Remember that submissives are not doormats they are people, strong enough to give themselves to another person, let someone else tell them, make them, watch them do what they're told!
[2009/07/06 12:21] Pirate Russell: submissive Bill of Rights:
[2009/07/06 12:21] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to be treated with courtesy.
[2009/07/06 12:21] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to be treated with respect.
[2009/07/06 12:21] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to express feelings, whether good or bad.
[2009/07/06 12:21] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to disagree and express disagreement.
[2009/07/06 12:21] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to stand up for your beliefs, values and morals.
[2009/07/06 12:22] Pirate Russell: ~you have a right to retain your self respect and self worth.
[2009/07/06 12:22] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to say No.
[2009/07/06 12:22] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to walk away from an unhealthy situation.
[2009/07/06 12:22] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to be treated as an intelligent, thinking person, entitled to your feelings.
[2009/07/06 12:22] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to make mistakes and ask those mistakes to be forgiven.
[2009/07/06 12:23] Pirate Russell: All transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2009/07/06 12:23] Pirate Russell: Also, one that's not in there.....
[2009/07/06 12:23] Pirate Russell: ~you have the right to say, "yes, this one is a submissive, but not Your submissive"
[2009/07/06 12:24] Pirate Russell: College of Kink classes Monday, Tuesday & Friday @ Noon (12:00pm).
[2009/07/06 12:24] Pirate Russell: Y/you could always check the Search/Events and look for College or Join House of V Friends, or House of V groups, for notices immediately before the classes.
[2009/07/06 12:24] Pirate Russell: Questions, Comments???
[2009/07/06 12:24] ***PH***: nope just greetings
[2009/07/06 12:24] Pirate Russell: [ you have reached the end of the current notecard - resetting to first line... ]
[2009/07/06 12:24] Pirate Russell: SpeakEasy HUD detaching...
[2009/07/06 12:24] Pirate Russell: Hello ***PH***!
[2009/07/06 12:25] ***PH***: hello Pirate and others
[2009/07/06 12:25] ***JR***: hello ***PH***
[2009/07/06 12:26] Pirate Russell: Well, with no discussion or questions this is gonna be a SHORT class!
[2009/07/06 12:26] Pirate Russell: and ***PH***, no spankin for girl today, she's LATE!
[2009/07/06 12:26] ***PH***: cant discuss i was late :(
[2009/07/06 12:26] ***PH***: shit
[2009/07/06 12:27] ***OE***: Q....
[2009/07/06 12:27] ***JR***: well I think the last one You added is an important one as some Dominants start with get down on Your knee girls even when they don't know You
[2009/07/06 12:27] Pirate Russell: yes, ***OE***?
[2009/07/06 12:27] ***OE***: I understand the classes being of the submissive side
[2009/07/06 12:27] ***ES*** agrees.
[2009/07/06 12:27] ***OE***: What about giving a Domiant view and side?
[2009/07/06 12:28] Pirate Russell: That's next week, "The Responsibilities of Dominance"
[2009/07/06 12:28] ***TO***: Well I can offer some insight I had about submission. I actually tried the other side of the fence and tried to be submissive, I couldn't do it. I could go through the motions, but I could not get any joy from it. Made me realize that submissive do something that I never could.
[2009/07/06 12:28] ***OE***: Wonderful
[2009/07/06 12:29] Pirate Russell smiles at ***OE***, "Please do, ***TO***"
[2009/07/06 12:29] ***PH***: u can be sub when you trust and respect your dom
[2009/07/06 12:29] ***PH***: expecially when u are a strong dom
[2009/07/06 12:29] ***PH***: i switch
[2009/07/06 12:29] ***ES*** smiles and listens to Sir
[2009/07/06 12:30] ***OE***: How many switch, due, to loss of a Domiant?
[2009/07/06 12:31] ***PH***: you have to understand that some of us are strongly bipolar
[2009/07/06 12:31] ***OE***: As in death
[2009/07/06 12:31] ***PH***: none
[2009/07/06 12:31] ***OE***: lag lol.
[2009/07/06 12:31] ***PH***: chat lag
[2009/07/06 12:31] ***PH***: mhm :)
[2009/07/06 12:31] Pirate Russell: I don't know, I don't switch, and dont' really discuss that with those that do, ***OE***
[2009/07/06 12:31] ***PH***: so i have to find my balance in sl and rl
[2009/07/06 12:32] ***OE***: I found that no other Dominant could take the place of the One I lost real life..
[2009/07/06 12:32] ***PH***: so i can sub to a dom that i find he/she is able to actually sub another dom :) if you understand it .
[2009/07/06 12:33] Pirate Russell: First, ***OE***, My heart felt condolences....
[2009/07/06 12:33] Pirate Russell: Second, it doesn't even take death, jsut the break up of a relationship, I know someone that's leaving the lifestyle, because of a bad split with her Domme.
[2009/07/06 12:34] ***OE***: Many will sit back
[2009/07/06 12:34] ***OE***: I did
[2009/07/06 12:34] ***ES*** has known some who switch or change due to loss of relationship.
[2009/07/06 12:35] ***LB***: i think it's good to take breaks from the lifestyle when something like that happens it let's you reflect and see what you were meant to learn from that experience
[2009/07/06 12:35] ***MS***: Well, I am not all that familiar with Dom/sub relationships, having never been in one, but I really truly think everyone is like that in any relationship. If someone is taken away from us, for whatever reason, we try to find ways to cope, however that may be. In some, it could be leaving the lifestyle, others, to try other things.
[2009/07/06 12:35] Pirate Russell: I do know somone that was first girl, in RL and ended up running a fairly large House, because it was left to her, however.
[2009/07/06 12:36] Pirate Russell: Yes, ***MS***, I do agree,
[2009/07/06 12:36] ***OE***: Thats is being only submissive to one and Domiant to others
[2009/07/06 12:36] Pirate Russell: D/s is a relationship, and as such, it's as different as the people, and farm animals, that are in it.
[2009/07/06 12:37] Pirate Russell: IT goes back to that getting to know eachother... the negoiation stage, or maybe call it the 'courting stage'.
[2009/07/06 12:37] ***MS***: ***OE***, if that is what you are doing, there isn't anything wrong with it. If you aren't a cookie cutter sub, and don't feel like it/want to be, then don't. You do what you need to do to stay sane and happy.
[2009/07/06 12:37] Pirate Russell: hello again, Tonio, please take a seat
[2009/07/06 12:37] Tonio Roffo: I will when it shows
[2009/07/06 12:37] Tonio Roffo: :)
[2009/07/06 12:38] ***OE***: I do agree on the courting stage term
[2009/07/06 12:38] ***OE***: I have be Priate
[2009/07/06 12:38] Pirate Russell sees Her collars akin to wedding rings... I don't just toss them out cuz I want to have someone get nakey and bend over for My strapon!
[2009/07/06 12:39] ***OE***: I find my knowlege goes a long ways
[2009/07/06 12:39] Pirate Russell: And I ALWAYS value your input, ***OE***!
[2009/07/06 12:39] ***OE***: I don't seek the sexual
[2009/07/06 12:39] ***OE***: Thank you, Priate
[2009/07/06 12:42] Pirate Russell: Any other questions, comments or girls that wanna strip?
[2009/07/06 12:42] ***MS***: ***KB*** does!
[2009/07/06 12:42] ***CF***: Too late. I'm naked.
[2009/07/06 12:42] ***OE***: lol.
[2009/07/06 12:42] ***KB***: pfft
[2009/07/06 12:43] ***ES*** woofs to ***CF***
[2009/07/06 12:43] Pirate Russell: But then aint ya always, ***CF***?
[2009/07/06 12:43] ***CF***: mew, as the kids say.
[2009/07/06 12:43] ***CF***: Sure am!
[2009/07/06 12:44] Pirate Russell: I played "***CF***" for a week last week, and didn't dress at all!
[2009/07/06 12:45] Pirate Russell: Mean while, over here, on topic.... last call for questions, comments or dirty jokes!
[2009/07/06 12:45] ***ES*** loves ***CF***
[2009/07/06 12:45] Pirate Russell: Going once......
[2009/07/06 12:45] ***ES***: She is purr-fect.
[2009/07/06 12:45] Pirate Russell: .......................................twice.....
[2009/07/06 12:45] Pirate Russell: .............................................................................. Three times a ***LB***......
[2009/07/06 12:45] ***ES*** pounces Pirate
[2009/07/06 12:46] Pirate Russell: Class Dismissed!

How To Find A 'Good" Dominant - 6/30/09

2009-06-30T13:54:00.000-07:00

[2009/06/30 12:08] Pirate Russell: Please take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[2009/06/30 12:08] Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! As most of y'all know, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor. I have been in SL for 3 1/2 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[2009/06/30 12:08] Pirate Russell: For any that need to leave early, all transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2009/06/30 12:10] Pirate Russell: How does a new sub (male or female) ascertain the difference between a controlling and domineering person and a person who is a Dominant?
[2009/06/30 12:10] Pirate Russell: Are there tell-tale signs?
[2009/06/30 12:10] Pirate Russell: Is there a series of steps one can take to determine what type of person they are communicating with?
[2009/06/30 12:10] Pirate Russell: Is it trial and error or just a "gut" feeling?
[2009/06/30 12:10] Pirate Russell: And what about the "protective" Dominant who gains the confidences of new and inexperienced subs, only to want to eventually play with, or "train" them? Is this okay and are there telltale signs here, too?
[2009/06/30 12:10] Pirate Russell: These are excellent, thought-provoking questions of enormous importance to anyone searching for a partner.
[2009/06/30 12:10] Pirate Russell: Whether it's a life-partner or a play partner one seeks, even the most dedicated, masochistic or service-oriented submissive wants their needs to matter to their partner - for a play session or for a lifetime.
[2009/06/30 12:11] Pirate Russell: .
[2009/06/30 12:11] Pirate Russell: I think the biggest thing for new subs to remember is that it's even MORE important for a Dominant partner to
[2009/06/30 12:11] Pirate Russell: UNDERSTAND you and your needs and then to make decisions with that understanding in mind than it is in a vanilla partner.
[2009/06/30 12:11] Pirate Russell: Here's an example that just came up today with me and my husband. We are in the process of selling some property. Something came up in this transaction that increases our risk but also the potential pay-off.
[2009/06/30 12:12] Pirate Russell: This is 'stolen' from the Internet, so this is NOT My husband and I
[2009/06/30 12:12] Pirate Russell: I, conservative by nature, want to go with the sure but safe alternative; Master wants to take the risk.
[2009/06/30 12:12] Pirate Russell: Because in our relationship, Master has the power to make that decision no matter what I think or say, we had words about it.
[2009/06/30 12:13] Pirate Russell: One of the things Master said that I found reassuring was this:
[2009/06/30 12:13] Pirate Russell: "Don't you think that decisions like this weigh heavier on me precisely because I make them not only for myself, but for all of us?"
[2009/06/30 12:13] Pirate Russell: And that's what you look for in a Dominant.
[2009/06/30 12:13] Pirate Russell: Class Dismissed
[2009/06/30 12:13] Pirate Russell: JUST KIDDDING
[2009/06/30 12:13] ***MM***: *Giggles insanely*
[2009/06/30 12:13] Pirate Russell: Somebody who appreciates the weight of responsibility of what it means to make decisions FOR YOU as a submissive,
[2009/06/30 12:13] Pirate Russell: whether that be how many cane strokes you get or how long you stay in ropes, or what decision is made in a business transaction that will affect your financial wellbeing.
[2009/06/30 12:14] Pirate Russell: .
[2009/06/30 12:14] Pirate Russell: How do you know if S/He's got it?
[2009/06/30 12:14] Pirate Russell: S/he demonstrates it, over and over and over in things big and small.
[2009/06/30 12:14] Pirate Russell: YOUR NEEDS MATTER.
[2009/06/30 12:14] Pirate Russell: How you feel matters. What you think matters. Your wellbeing is as important to the Dominant as their own. It doesn't mean you as the sub run the relationship - far from it.
[2009/06/30 12:14] Pirate Russell: If I were running things, we'd for sure be taking the safer route in this transaction!
[2009/06/30 12:15] Pirate Russell: It just means that the Dominant never acts from his/her power base without considering the effect that action will have on their submissive.
[2009/06/30 12:15] Pirate Russell: I truly believe that my Master makes decisions will real thoughtfulness and consideration.
[2009/06/30 12:15] Pirate Russell: Even if his choice turns out not to have the better outcome, I know he made the decision thoughtfully.
[2009/06/30 12:15] Pirate Russell: I've already psychologically surrendered to his will in this matter. I trust Him. He's earned it.
[2009/06/30 12:15] Pirate Russell: .
[2009/06/30 12:15] Pirate Russell: How does a submissive discover this in a potential Master? TIME. It takes time. Lots of time. And in that time you spend together, you ask yourself these questions:
[2009/06/30 12:16] Pirate Russell: 1. Do I feel safe with this person? Safe physically, emotionally, spiritually?
[2009/06/30 12:16] Pirate Russell: 2. Do they do everything they say will they do? Do they follow through with promises? Are they dependable? Can you count on them?
[2009/06/30 12:16] Pirate Russell: 3. Are they interested in you? In your thoughts, emotions, fears, and desires? Can you be increasingly honest with them without fear of their anger or of their abandonment?
[2009/06/30 12:16] Pirate Russell: 4. Do they admit mistakes and take responsibility for them, try to fix them without blaming you for the problem or indulging in excessive self-recrimination?
[2009/06/30 12:17] Pirate Russell: 5. Can you laugh and be silly together or do you feel stiff and constrained in stereotypical roles?
[2009/06/30 12:17] Pirate Russell: 6. How a Dominant behaves during a Public Scene is no guarantee that s/he has the capacity to lead you in life - or even to the nearest exit of the public play space in the event of a fire!
[2009/06/30 12:17] Pirate Russell: If it's a good Scene, it means they know how to do a good Scene. No more, no less.
[2009/06/30 12:18] Pirate Russell: (This is a hard one for panting, starving newbies who are driven nearly mad with submissive frenzy to grasp - that not every hot-at-first-glance Dominant is a good Dominant.
[2009/06/30 12:18] Pirate Russell: I know something about submissive frenzies, having suffered a really bad case of it for nearly 3 years when I first came out. It makes you nearly blind with lust and need.)
[2009/06/30 12:18] ***KF*** looks around...
[2009/06/30 12:18] Pirate Russell: 7. Take your time.
[2009/06/30 12:19] Pirate Russell: 8. Beware the Dominant who wants to cut you off from your established ties and friendships.
[2009/06/30 12:19] Pirate Russell: 9. Take your time.
[2009/06/30 12:19] Pirate Russell: 10. If your Dominant makes you afraid sometimes, makes sure the fear is sex-tinged and more good than bad. You should never literally fear for your life, health, or sanity.
[2009/06/30 12:19] Pirate Russell: 11. Take your time.
[2009/06/30 12:20] Pirate Russell: 12. While it's wonderful to feel -truly feel - that you are another's property, you should always feel like VALUED property. You should never be made to feel truly worthless.
[2009/06/30 12:20] Pirate Russell: (Even intense humiliation scenes are not about really being worthless - they are about feeling humble, small, exposed, yes - but not truly worthless!)
[2009/06/30 12:21] Pirate Russell: 13. Take your time.
[2009/06/30 12:21] Pirate Russell: 14. Your Dominant should never make you feel that you have to "be careful" or he'll leave you or hurt.
[2009/06/30 12:21] Pirate Russell: .
[2009/06/30 12:21] Pirate Russell: These are some things that submissives, especially new submissives need to keep in mind, and use to select a competent and compassionate Dominant.
[2009/06/30 12:22] Pirate Russell: All transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2009/06/30 12:22] Pirate Russell: College of Kink classes Monday, Tuesday & Friday at 12:00pm (Noon) SLT
[2009/06/30 12:22] Pirate Russell: All classes are posted in Search/Events and look for College.
[2009/06/30 12:22] Pirate Russell: Questions? Comments??
[2009/06/30 12:22] ***JY***: Above all, a good Master/Mistress is always in control of Him/Herself.S/he does not rant or rave, and never punishes when angry.On the rare times that temper overwhelms Him/Her, S/he walks away until S/he regains balance.After all, how can a Dom/me control His/Her sub if S/he can't control Him/Herself?
[2009/06/30 12:23] ***VP*** nods
[2009/06/30 12:23] ***VP***: Too true
[2009/06/30 12:23] Pirate Russell: True, ***JY***! As for punishing, I correct, I don't punish
[2009/06/30 12:23] ***VP***: The first dictum for any Dominant is "KNow thyself."
[2009/06/30 12:24] ***VP***: And then,, be willing to admit you don't know all that much.
[2009/06/30 12:24] ***VP***: lol
[2009/06/30 12:24] ***VP***: Reevaluate...and correct your own behavious.
[2009/06/30 12:24] Pirate Russell: I think that's true for submissives, too, ***VP***, though that leads us WAY off topic
[2009/06/30 12:25] ***VP***: I think the one word that I would use to give any aspiring Dominant is "respect" and understand there is a soul in the submissive.
[2009/06/30 12:26] Pirate Russell: Yes, but Respect is earned, not demanded!
[2009/06/30 12:26] ***JY***: The best Master/Mistress knows S/he is human.S/he realizes S/he will make mistakes,and is quick to apologize when S/he doesS/he knows S/he won't be thought of as any less "Dommly" because of an apology. On the flip side, S/he realizes that others will make mistakes also, and even though S/he may punish for the mistake, S/he accepts an apology graciously and puts the event in the past.this is SO important
[2009/06/30 12:26] ***TR***: IN SL ppl tend to forget all that stuff yup
[2009/06/30 12:26] ***TR***: it's all a game to most here
[2009/06/30 12:27] ***VP***: Yes...unfortunately.
[2009/06/30 12:27] ***TR***: What I really don't like in SL
[2009/06/30 12:27] ***TR***: is ppl having to show
[2009/06/30 12:27] ***TR***: as much as they can
[2009/06/30 12:27] ***TR***: what they are about
[2009/06/30 12:27] ***TR***: while it should be
[2009/06/30 12:27] ***TR***: smth between a few ppl
[2009/06/30 12:27] ***TR***: or 2
[2009/06/30 12:27] ***TR***: :)
[2009/06/30 12:27] Pirate Russell: AND, ***JY***, factor in the SL slow/bug factor to increase frustration!
[2009/06/30 12:28] ***VP*** smiles
[2009/06/30 12:28] ***VP***: God, yes.
[2009/06/30 12:28] ***JY***: a good Dom/me is Compassionate. S/he cares about her sub(s), as well as their friends and family. S/he taks time to listen and respond to the needs of those S/he claims to care for. S/he isn't selfish, and doesn't have the illusion that the world revolves around Him or Her.
[2009/06/30 12:29] Pirate Russell: ***JY***, are you quoting My other Dominant clas?
[2009/06/30 12:29] ***JY***: No i am not
[2009/06/30 12:29] Pirate Russell: class
[2009/06/30 12:29] ***JY***: first class with you
[2009/06/30 12:29] Pirate Russell: he he, pretty close! LOL
[2009/06/30 12:29] ***JY***: I teach classes at another Place
[2009/06/30 12:29] ***PH***: is that a Dom or a partner ?
[2009/06/30 12:29] ***JY***: i have for about 15 years
[2009/06/30 12:29] ***TR***: <3
[2009/06/30 12:29] Pirate Russell: I have positively snapped at one of My girls, because I told her 33 seconds ago to take off her top. SL didn't cooperate, she did!
[2009/06/30 12:30] Pirate Russell: In a lot of cases, ***PH****, it's the same thing
[2009/06/30 12:30] ***PH***: nope agree to disagree on that one ?
[2009/06/30 12:30] Pirate Russell: Surely
[2009/06/30 12:31] ***PH***: sub/dom is not
[2009/06/30 12:31] ***PH***: partnership is about being equal in the definition :)
[2009/06/30 12:31] ***PH***: and bases on that
[2009/06/30 12:31] Pirate Russell disagrees
[2009/06/30 12:31] ***PH***: agree :)
[2009/06/30 12:31] Pirate Russell: There can be uneaual partnerships
[2009/06/30 12:31] Pirate Russell: er unequal
[2009/06/30 12:31] ***PH***: and they are sub/dom
[2009/06/30 12:31] Pirate Russell: Most Definately
[2009/06/30 12:32] ***PH***: as most of the partherships are in rl
[2009/06/30 12:32] ***PH***: not even by wanting
[2009/06/30 12:32] ***PH***: just are
[2009/06/30 12:32] ***PH***: in sub/dom that is defined and both or several partners are agreeing on playing a 'role'
[2009/06/30 12:32] Pirate Russell: But there are Majority and Minority partnerships all over the business world
[2009/06/30 12:32] ***PH***: yes
[2009/06/30 12:32] Pirate Russell: As much as My RL hubby and I try to be equal, it's not possible
[2009/06/30 12:32] ***PH***: and we all do :)
[2009/06/30 12:33] ***PH***: why not ?
[2009/06/30 12:33] ***TR***: you should strive to your balance
[2009/06/30 12:33] ***PH***: if you want to :)
[2009/06/30 12:33] Pirate Russell: Strive, yes, achieve, almost impossible
[2009/06/30 12:33] ***PH***: ALMOST :)
[2009/06/30 12:33] ***TR***: do you agree that
[2009/06/30 12:33] ***PH***: not on the same aspects but in all around
[2009/06/30 12:33] ***TR***: the balance of Dom/sub
[2009/06/30 12:33] Pirate Russell: But equal can't be the rule, if it's so close to impossible
[2009/06/30 12:33] ***TR***: in different aspects
[2009/06/30 12:33] ***TR***: or even different times in a relationship
[2009/06/30 12:33] ***TR***: can shift
[2009/06/30 12:34] Pirate Russell: That was My next point ***TR***, that it's all fluid, ever changing
[2009/06/30 12:34] ***TR***: can a guy that gets his a?* kicked in the kitchen by his wife coz he's a bad book
[2009/06/30 12:34] ***PH***: have too - for example he needs to wash dishes sometimes for me to let him dom me ^^
[2009/06/30 12:34] ***TR***: cook*
[2009/06/30 12:34] Pirate Russell: Personal relationships HAVE to do that.
[2009/06/30 12:34] ***TR***: not be ultimately dominant in bed 30 mins later
[2009/06/30 12:35] ***TR***: as always Pun puts it a little less eloquently than I did :p
[2009/06/30 12:35] ***JY***: If W/we are closed to change or to learning new things ( ie: thinking we know or understand all ) that is a dangerous point to be in
[2009/06/30 12:35] ***PH***: but sub/dom is the most personal thing you really can do to you (to admit where your balance focuses more) and to the other - that allows you o see who she/he really is
[2009/06/30 12:36] ***PH***: you cant get more intimate
[2009/06/30 12:36] ***PH***: no matter which role you play
[2009/06/30 12:36] ***PH***: 'role'
[2009/06/30 12:36] ***TR***: I would even go so far as to say
[2009/06/30 12:36] ***TR***: you need some balance to be good Dom/sub couple :)
[2009/06/30 12:36] Pirate Russell: you can always get more intimate, I've been with hubby 10 yrs, and there's still stuff I can share that he doesn't know.... some of those 'shifts'.. little though they may be. Adding to intimacy
[2009/06/30 12:36] ***PH***: (blimy my avi is sleepy on this poseball sorry for that)
[2009/06/30 12:37] Pirate Russell: ((I have begged and begged for new poses and steps, you see what I have after being her e over a year!))
[2009/06/30 12:37] ***PH***: :D
[2009/06/30 12:37] ***PH***: its not me its a poseball!
[2009/06/30 12:37] ***PH***: :D
[2009/06/30 12:37] Pirate Russell: Oh, it's ME!
[2009/06/30 12:37] ***JY***: Quote of the Year
[2009/06/30 12:37] ***PH***: of course Pirate but that is also new to you :)
[2009/06/30 12:38] ***PH***: not poseballs :D
[2009/06/30 12:38] ***TR***: yeah
[2009/06/30 12:38] ***TR***: if you would only show things after 10y something is not entirely right then :)
[2009/06/30 12:38] ***PH***: and sharing makes you2 equall
[2009/06/30 12:39] Pirate Russell: Not hiding, wating for it, just stuff that I'm reminded of by other things that happen
[2009/06/30 12:39] ***TR***: balance is not nescessarely quietness like a non moving lake
[2009/06/30 12:39] ***TR***: it can also be
[2009/06/30 12:39] ***TR***: waves crashing into the beach
[2009/06/30 12:39] ***TR***: binary stars :)
[2009/06/30 12:40] ***PH***: that is then a thin line in anykind of partnership SL/RL/equal/Dom/Sub
[2009/06/30 12:40] Pirate Russell: With D/s it's not a thin line, it's a wall, it's the power exchange that was agreed to .
[2009/06/30 12:40] ***VP***: Excuse me, Lady...I must go...thank you for you knowledge.
[2009/06/30 12:41] Pirate Russell: Yes, the wall get's breached, but it's not a thin line
[2009/06/30 12:41] Pirate Russell: Surely ***VP***
[2009/06/30 12:41] ***PH***: agreed
[2009/06/30 12:41] ***PH***: you hav that right
[2009/06/30 12:41] ***PH***: ahhh better ball
[2009/06/30 12:41] ***JY***: ( scrolls back up and reads distracted rl phone )
[2009/06/30 12:42] ***PH***: we all get dom-ed by rl :(
[2009/06/30 12:42] ***TR***: unfortunately
[2009/06/30 12:42] Pirate Russell: Ain't that the truffff!
[2009/06/30 12:42] ***PH***: such a unpleasant mistress
[2009/06/30 12:42] ***PH***: and its a she cause shes a bitch
[2009/06/30 12:43] Pirate Russell yanks this goatrope back into the right sim.... Respect. That is the Currency of Dominance
[2009/06/30 12:43] Pirate Russell smiles
[2009/06/30 12:44] Pirate Russell: And in the worst cases, a sub respects the position, not the person.
[2009/06/30 12:44] ***PH***: not really respect just enjoy to much :)
[2009/06/30 12:45] ***PH***: that happens here a lot
[2009/06/30 12:45] ***PH***: with males into female avis
[2009/06/30 12:45] Pirate Russell: Those are the game players
[2009/06/30 12:45] ***PH***: some of tham are really emerged but for the wrong reasons
[2009/06/30 12:45] ***PH***: them *
[2009/06/30 12:46] Pirate Russell: yes
[2009/06/30 12:46] ***JY***: I have a question of sorts Miss Russell and that is along the lines of being a Sl/RL Dominant .. what are your feelings on so called Fake Domiants ( Preadators / Posers ) in Second Life and if you notice it do you feel it's a responsibilty to try and show the submissive in this case what is wrong that you see personally ?
[2009/06/30 12:47] ***TR***: submissive should be smart enough to find it out him/herself really. being sub shouldn't be being dumb :) but yes we all get fooled sometimes
[2009/06/30 12:48] ***JY***: Well you see alot of " Submissives " in second life that think they goto a school you seem the kneeling every place just to kneel cause they think that is what they should do
[2009/06/30 12:48] Pirate Russell: The Fake Dominants, are why I took this job. I was spending too much time .... deprograming, or decompressing, abused submissives. I'm here with 2 basic messages... 1) Communication and 2) Do NOT rush relationshiops
[2009/06/30 12:48] ***JY***: see*
[2009/06/30 12:48] Pirate Russell: or relationships... he he
[2009/06/30 12:49] ***PH***: you have to know real sub is the one that practice or FEEL the same way being sub here means there is ' potential' in that person - and SL is a heaven for fakers - so be as smart as in rl
[2009/06/30 12:49] ***JY***: Nods
[2009/06/30 12:49] Pirate Russell: All of My submissives are RL submissive. Not necessarily in the lifestyle, but are really, honest to dog, submissivves
[2009/06/30 12:49] ***PH***: exactly
[2009/06/30 12:49] ***PH***: they maybe cant be in rl but they strive that freedom
[2009/06/30 12:50] Pirate Russell sees mostly males in that abusive role, but some females are doing it as well
[2009/06/30 12:50] ***JY***: Females here in second life correct
[2009/06/30 12:50] ***JY***: well most of them are male also so the first part is true ( all joking aside )
[2009/06/30 12:51] Pirate Russell: Now the other variable, is that female avi run by a male?
[2009/06/30 12:51] ***PH***: but here as u can change your alt you can change yi saw a lot of females doing that because they getdoes that matter?
[2009/06/30 12:51] ***PH***: in sl?
[2009/06/30 12:51] Pirate Russell knows a few that flat out say it in their profiles, but....
[2009/06/30 12:51] Pirate Russell: Not many!
[2009/06/30 12:51] ***PH***: gender shouldnt matter in sl rp
[2009/06/30 12:51] Pirate Russell: No, but, it can...
[2009/06/30 12:51] ***PH***: except if it matters to master
[2009/06/30 12:51] ***TR***: but then it's roleplay
[2009/06/30 12:52] ***JY***: well ***PH**** that is true but only if you treat all of SL as RP
[2009/06/30 12:52] ***PH***: but that is individual
[2009/06/30 12:52] ***PH***: exactly
[2009/06/30 12:52] Pirate Russell: it matters to Me. I don't play with boys, or girl avi's run by boys, if I know it.
[2009/06/30 12:52] ***TR***: respect/trust doesn't go well together with genderbending for me
[2009/06/30 12:52] ***JY***: I personally am not one that says Sl is sl and rl is rl cause it's falsehood
[2009/06/30 12:52] ***PH***: me neither
[2009/06/30 12:52] ***JY***: and D/s is not a RP for me .. it's a lifestyle
[2009/06/30 12:52] ***PH***: but we have to respect others SL too
[2009/06/30 12:52] Pirate Russell: The biggest misconception in these games
[2009/06/30 12:52] ***PH***: you just have to be really smart
[2009/06/30 12:52] ***PH***: :)
[2009/06/30 12:52] Pirate Russell: er Quote Unquote games
[2009/06/30 12:52] ***PH***: to find out whether u are played
[2009/06/30 12:53] Pirate Russell: If not smart, you have to be able to blow it off.
[2009/06/30 12:53] ***PH***: mhm
[2009/06/30 12:53] Pirate Russell: There are about 8 people in the million on SL that can break My heart.
[2009/06/30 12:53] ***TR***: some don't care I think - the "game", or the immersion, it's more important than the truhth
[2009/06/30 12:53] ***PH***: noooo
[2009/06/30 12:53] ***JY***: Actually Pirate that is untrue
[2009/06/30 12:53] ***PH***: :)
[2009/06/30 12:53] ***JY***: there is only 1 in sl that can break your heart and that is your self
[2009/06/30 12:53] ***PH***: ghawd exactly
[2009/06/30 12:54] Pirate Russell: Right, they are the ones I allow to affect Me in that way
[2009/06/30 12:54] Pirate Russell: The rest just get a mute, or delete from friends, whatever
[2009/06/30 12:54] ***PH***: but not letting other people close makes your experience and feelings poorer
[2009/06/30 12:54] Pirate Russell: I choose who gets under My skin, it's not an open door
[2009/06/30 12:54] ***PH***: you just have to have in mind that that can happen nd when it does you just say oh well
[2009/06/30 12:54] Pirate Russell: it's like that respect... it's earned
[2009/06/30 12:54] ***TR***: which is the whole point of SL really, it's safe to let someone close... or so most believe
[2009/06/30 12:55] ***PH***: we are all eall and emotions not actions are running at the same pace then in rl
[2009/06/30 12:55] ***PH***: or even slower
[2009/06/30 12:55] Pirate Russell: A little history... I met Hubby on AOHell... got to know him WELL before I ever saw him
[2009/06/30 12:55] ***TR***: that sounds familiar
[2009/06/30 12:55] ***PH***: same with PunTon story :)
[2009/06/30 12:55] Pirate Russell: so I understand well what's at stake in this bug-farm the Linden$ give us!
[2009/06/30 12:55] ***PH***: just that it started in this bloody place :)
[2009/06/30 12:56] ***PH***: but we both were honest
[2009/06/30 12:56] ***TR***: yes and both had our ahm... souls dipped in SL already
[2009/06/30 12:56] ***PH***: honest to know we dont have a clue what will happen when we meet :)
[2009/06/30 12:56] ***TR***: which made us pretty honest in the first place
[2009/06/30 12:56] Pirate Russell: Best of luck, obviously it worked for us! ;-)
[2009/06/30 12:56] ***PH***: and does for us
[2009/06/30 12:56] ***TR***: oh yes :)
[2009/06/30 12:56] Pirate Russell: I mean the RL part
[2009/06/30 12:57] ***PH***: jup
[2009/06/30 12:57] ***PH***: me too :)
[2009/06/30 12:57] ***PH***: im just not married yet (eyeballs ***TR***)
[2009/06/30 12:57] ***PH***: :D
[2009/06/30 12:57] ***TR***: that would be awesomely quick :p
[2009/06/30 12:57] Pirate Russell: I AM married, and I've been eyeballing all the girls! he he
[2009/06/30 12:58] Pirate Russell: in and out of SL!
[2009/06/30 12:58] ***JY***: Lawls
[2009/06/30 12:58] ***PH***: and the best thing about SL is that if you allow yourself to be you and find someone.. (:D)
[2009/06/30 12:58] ***JY***: ( excuse me for a second afk )
[2009/06/30 12:58] ***PH***: ... that is sticking to you - there is not much to go wrong :)
[2009/06/30 12:58] Pirate Russell: Yes, for you... for some they wanna be griefers whether they throw bombs, ro break hearts
[2009/06/30 12:58] ***TR***: a question into the RL, Pirate, if I may... where there distance issues to your going RL?
[2009/06/30 12:59] ***TR***: SL has more and more emotion-griefers yes
[2009/06/30 12:59] Pirate Russell: He was in Detroit, I was in Atlanta. Yes, some, but we had AIM, unlimited phone plans (We'd sit and watch "Who wants to be a Millionaire" on the phone and such
[2009/06/30 12:59] ***PH***: i prefere bombs
[2009/06/30 12:59] ***TR***: hehe all sounds alike yes
[2009/06/30 12:59] ***PH***: yeah your story is very familiar :)
[2009/06/30 13:00] Pirate Russell: Well, this is My 2nd Marriage, and I DEFINATELY traded up!
[2009/06/30 13:00] ***TR***: just change millionaire by american idol and phone plan to skype :p
[2009/06/30 13:00] Pirate Russell: There ya go!
[2009/06/30 13:00] ***PH***: \o/
[2009/06/30 13:00] ***TR***: \0/ even
[2009/06/30 13:00] Pirate Russell: But you brought up one more wrinkle...
[2009/06/30 13:00] ***TR***: yes?
[2009/06/30 13:01] Pirate Russell: I could answer that personal question, cuz no of y'all work with Me, go to My kids church, etc.
[2009/06/30 13:01] Pirate Russell: Anonymity eases embarrasment, a lot ofthe time
[2009/06/30 13:01] Pirate Russell: Though that question wasn't a bad one 'tall
[2009/06/30 13:02] ***PH***: yeah and provides pathway to manipulation so ... um i prefere not :)
[2009/06/30 13:02] Pirate Russell: Almost like going to an unfamiliar bar, and unburdening to a strange beertender!
[2009/06/30 13:02] ***PH***: it is totally the same
[2009/06/30 13:02] ***PH***: but is great if you have a 'partner in crime'
[2009/06/30 13:02] Pirate Russell winks at***PH***!
[2009/06/30 13:03] ***PH***: :)
[2009/06/30 13:03] Pirate Russell: 2 of My girls and My wife (also one of My girls) know more about Me, My marriage, My hubby, than ANYone within 500miles of Us
[2009/06/30 13:04] ***PH***: it is just great -i mean SL experience because you can actually do (virtually) what you wish for and feel probably better than you would in rl (it is still part of your fantasy and only you have the power to controll it)
[2009/06/30 13:04] Pirate Russell: And they're in CA, Wi, England, and I'm in ATL
[2009/06/30 13:04] ***PH***: :)
[2009/06/30 13:04] ***zA***: bye
[2009/06/30 13:04] Pirate Russell: Bye, ***zA***, thanks for moming
[2009/06/30 13:05] ***TR***: SL experience just helped me in finding out about myself
[2009/06/30 13:05] ***TR***: once there... I don't know it would bring any good feeling anymore really
[2009/06/30 13:05] Pirate Russell is not polyamorous, well is, cuz I LOVE My girls, but is Monosexual (with hubby), is not a lesbian, and is not a Domme, on this side of the keyboard
[2009/06/30 13:05] ***PH***: jup
[2009/06/30 13:06] ***PH***: you have the priviledge to experience more
[2009/06/30 13:06] ***PH***: well we all do
[2009/06/30 13:06] Pirate Russell: To be completed!
[2009/06/30 13:06] ***TR***: depends on how you are/feel
[2009/06/30 13:06] ***PH***: to find more about yourself
[2009/06/30 13:06] ***TR***: some intimacies are cheating to me
[2009/06/30 13:06] ***PH***: if you feel right of course
[2009/06/30 13:06] ***PH***: all of them ?
[2009/06/30 13:06] ***TR***: to myself that is
[2009/06/30 13:06] Pirate Russell: I know what I was missing, I was bi in college.... he he, but not since I got married the first time , YEARS ago
[2009/06/30 13:07] ***PH***: im bi he knows it im also sub/dom depends on the mood and he knows it and well its great to be me at last because of him
[2009/06/30 13:07] Pirate Russell: Hubby knows what I do here, he sits behind Me, OFTEN... and has only asked Me 3 things. No Voice (I can listen, but not talk, too much like a phone)
[2009/06/30 13:07] Pirate Russell: No face in any pictures I have out here.
[2009/06/30 13:08] Pirate Russell: and No RL meetings
[2009/06/30 13:08] ***PH***: allows you to be you
[2009/06/30 13:08] Pirate Russell: other than that, it's WFO! I choose not to play with known males, cuz it feels like cheating to Me!
[2009/06/30 13:08] ***PH***: jup
[2009/06/30 13:08] ***PH***: u have boundaries
[2009/06/30 13:08] ***PH***: we all do
[2009/06/30 13:08] ***PH***: but you are aware of them
[2009/06/30 13:09] ***TR***: and you have it right coz
[2009/06/30 13:09] ***TR***: cheating is not what your partner doesn't allow you
[2009/06/30 13:09] ***TR***: it's that PLUS what you yourself consider cheating
[2009/06/30 13:09] Pirate Russell: And we negotiated them, and I respect them
[2009/06/30 13:09] ***TR***: respect, exactly
[2009/06/30 13:10] ***PH***: cheating is not really about on which dick vagina sits ^^ to be myself - blunt
[2009/06/30 13:10] ***PH***: or where your mouth is
[2009/06/30 13:11] Pirate Russell: it's about your heart, and if you have to 'sneak'!
[2009/06/30 13:11] Pirate Russell: LIke I said, he sits here and watches ANYtime he wants! I'm in the livingroom!
[2009/06/30 13:11] ***PH***: and that is difficult place to sub/dom :)
[2009/06/30 13:11] Pirate Russell: Yes, it is
[2009/06/30 13:11] Pirate Russell: or would be
[2009/06/30 13:12] Pirate Russell: So, we've run over, I think I'm gonna call it a night
[2009/06/30 13:12] ***JY***: Pirate i have to comment off subject that i like your quote Quid quid Latine Dictum sit, altum videtur i had to google it only to find that what you put in ( ) under it is what it actually says gave me a smile thanks
[2009/06/30 13:12] ***TR***: being open like that is trust yes
[2009/06/30 13:12] Pirate Russell: He he
[2009/06/30 13:12] ***PH***: Thank you Pirate for a really nice talk
[2009/06/30 13:12] Pirate Russell: My pleasure
[2009/06/30 13:12] ***JY***: Thank you Miss Russell for your time do you have a tip jar
[2009/06/30 13:13] ***TR***: and even more trust is that you *have* to trust eachother coz of distance - it really shows yourself a thing or two
[2009/06/30 13:13] Pirate Russell: Yes and no.
[2009/06/30 13:13] ***PH***: :D
[2009/06/30 13:13] Pirate Russell: Any that care to tip, go to West of Ireland and donate to Project Children... or I can do it next week if I start wearing clothes again
[2009/06/30 13:13] ***JY***: something for your time was greatly appreciated
[2009/06/30 13:13] Pirate Russell: Thanks ***JY***, and thanks for your input
[2009/06/30 13:14] ***SV*** crashed and couldn't get back
[2009/06/30 13:14] ***JY***: and I shall go make a donation there also
[2009/06/30 13:15] Pirate Russell: Thanks, the sim is where My treasure works as an admin, so I call it her charity.. he he
[2009/06/30 13:15] ***JY***: yes ***SV*** they are doing server stuff according to the blog go figure
[2009/06/30 13:15] ***PH***: thank you once more and i rush :) thank you once more
[2009/06/30 13:15] ***PH***: thats 2 times
[2009/06/30 13:15] ***SV***: Thank you Miss Pirate
[2009/06/30 13:15] ***PH***: im really tired it seems
[2009/06/30 13:16] ***JY***: Well please take some rest and look foward to many more classes in the future
[2009/06/30 13:16] Pirate Russell: Thanks to y'all, I LOVE the discussion best
[2009/06/30 13:16] ***TR***: Thank you for a nice talk, will be back later
[2009/06/30 13:17] Pirate Russell: Ciao for now!

Erotic Humiliation - 6/29/09

2009-06-29T13:25:00.001-07:00

[12:15] Pirate Russell: OK, those that will, please turn off any radars, MystiTools, etc., to help with the Horrendous lag
[12:15] Pirate Russell: The usual blah blah blah
[12:15] Pirate Russell: Please take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[12:15] Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! As most of y'all know, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor. I have been in SL for 3 1/2 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[12:15] Pirate Russell: For any that need to leave early, all transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[12:15] Pirate Russell: .
[12:15] ***SD*** claps politely
[12:16] Pirate Russell: Erotic humiliation: The consensual use of psychological humiliation in a sexual context, whereby, at least, one person gains arousal or erotic excitement from the powerful emotions of being humiliated and demeaned, or of humiliating another;
[12:16] Pirate Russell: often (but not always) in conjunction with sexual stimulation of one or both partners in the activity. The humiliation need not be sexual in itself, as with many other sexual activities it is the feelings derived from it which are sought, regardless of the
[12:16] Pirate Russell: Consider that the desire to be beneath the other partner during intercourse,the idea of "getting caught" such as with having sex in the garden or woods, or mild rape fantasies (where the person imagines themselves to be forced in a way they would like,
[12:16] Pirate Russell: and which must be seen as completely different to any real form of rape), are mild emotional games that emphasise status, vulnerability and control.
[12:17] Pirate Russell: However, for most people such ideas remain a fantasy and they would have strong reservations about it being made public, or engaged in with a partner for real, however erotic the idea may be.
[12:17] Pirate Russell: If a person does reveal their fetish to their partners, this usually is a result of a huge amount of trust invested in them, due to the similarly huge psychological struggle they would have had to have gone through to tell them.
[12:17] Pirate Russell: Many people have the worry of being ridiculed for their fetish, and such ridicule from their partners could be psychologically catastrophic.
[12:18] Pirate Russell: Therefore, many people use online humiliation (where the humiliator and others are involved via the internet using chat, websites, SL, etc.) as a compromise between exhibitionism and reality on the one hand, and safety and anonymity on the other.
[12:18] Pirate Russell: Humiliation can be verbal or physical, and can be relatively private or public.
[12:18] Pirate Russell: Often it can become ritualized, and unlike some sexual variations it can also be easily carried out over a long distance or online.
[12:18] Pirate Russell: The distinction between humiliation and dominance in an activity such as erotic spanking is that the sought-after effect is primarily the humiliation; the activity is just a means to that end.
[12:18] Pirate Russell: While mild or moderate humiliation is not an uncommon part of BDSM or other sexual roleplay, humiliation play can be taken to a point where it becomes emotionally or psychologically distressing to one or the other partner.
[12:19] Pirate Russell: Erotic humiliation can become extreme enough to be considered a form of edgeplay, that some consider may best be approached with advance negotiation and use of a safeword.
[12:19] Pirate Russell: This is a highly subjective issue, and depends greatly on the participants.
[12:19] Pirate Russell: .
[12:19] Pirate Russell: ~ Terminology and Overview
[12:20] Pirate Russell: The person being humiliated is often called a bottom, and the person who humiliates them is often called the top,
[12:20] Pirate Russell: (though these are standard terms used in general dominant/submissive role play and are not specific to humiliation interests) or if female, sometimes humiliatrix.
[12:20] Pirate Russell: Other common names are slave or sub/submissive for the bottom, and Master/Mistress or Dom/Domme for the top.
[12:20] Pirate Russell: ~Humiliation is not the same as dominance, as the devotee is not necessarily seeking to be ordered about.
[12:20] Pirate Russell: Humiliation comes into its own as a sexual force when the devotee seeks the humiliation over and above the means; for example, when being spanked is primarily valued because of the belittlement involved.
[12:20] Pirate Russell: As such, it encompasses a range of paraphilia (abnormal sexual activity), in particular foot fetish or shoe fetish, body worship, spanking, bondage and most BDSM styles.
[12:21] Pirate Russell: It can be as basic as the desire to kiss and massage feet as a precursor to sex, or it can be complex, involving roleplay or public displays of subservience.
[12:21] Pirate Russell: It can be for a set period of time (a "scene") or as an ongoing facet of a relationship.
[12:21] Pirate Russell: The "humiliation" is not intrinsic to the act or the object. Rather, symbiotic, a relationship beneficial to each charged, by the shared attitude of the partners engaged in the act.
[12:21] Pirate Russell: It is they who invest specific acts, objects or body-parts with a humiliating aspect.
[12:21] Pirate Russell: .
[12:22] Pirate Russell: ~ Means of Humiliation
[12:22] Pirate Russell: Sexual humiliation is very open-ended. Broadly, it can be divided into verbal and physical aspects.
[12:22] Pirate Russell: *Verbal aspects of this might include:
[12:23] Pirate Russell: ** Mockery, derision and ridicule.
[12:23] Pirate Russell: ** Verbal belittlement, such as "slave", "boy", "girl", "missy", "pet".
[12:23] Pirate Russell: ** Insults and verbal abuse, such as "fat", "ugly", "stupid", "worthless".
[12:23] Pirate Russell: ** Degrading references, such as "slut", "tart", "bitch" and "whore".
[12:23] Pirate Russell: ** Slighting of body parts or behaviors, such as disparaging or cruel references to breasts, facial appearance, genitalia or genital size, bottom, and slighting of mannerisms such as walking, responsiveness, standard of self-care.
[12:23] Pirate Russell: ** Having to ask permission for everyday activities such as going to the toilet, spending money or eating.
[12:24] Pirate Russell: hello, ***KF***, join us
[12:24] Pirate Russell: ** Small breasts humiliation, where scorn is addressed over the supposed inadequacy of the adult female's breasts, or her inability to please a man (and by implication her essential worthlessness as a woman), and her breasts become objects of fun.
[12:24] ***KF***: yep, rezzing stuff
[12:24] Pirate Russell: ** Small penis humiliation, where scorn is addressed over the supposed inadequacy of the adult male's genitals, or his inability to please a woman (and by implication his essential worthlessness as a man), and his penis becomes an object of fun.
[12:25] Pirate Russell: ** Forced repetition, such as being obliged to repeat back commands to confirm them.
[12:25] Pirate Russell: ** Forced flattery, such as agreeing that every decision that the dominant makes is wise, correct, and justifiable, while additionally praising the dominant's physical and personality traits.
[12:25] ***SD*** slaps her hands over her mouth
[12:25] Pirate Russell: ** Reduction to Human animal roleplay or human pet, referring to these individuals as pet, dog, girl, bitch, or making them eat and drink from pet food and water bowls.
[12:26] Pirate Russell: .
[12:26] Pirate Russell: *Physical Humiliation:
[12:26] Pirate Russell: Some sexual humiliation involves inflicting pain, but much of it is far more concerned with ridicule, mocking, degradation and embarrassment.
[12:26] Pirate Russell: Physical and tangible aspects might include:
[12:26] Pirate Russell: ** Wearing of external signs of "ownership", such as a collar.
[12:26] Pirate Russell: ** Forced to wear a gag and/or restraints on the body.
[12:26] Pirate Russell: ** Prohibitions or restrictions on clothing, even in public. For females a common example is being mandated to only wear revealing bikinis or lingerie. For men, this may include feminizing or cross-dressing.
[12:27] Pirate Russell: Both sexes may be expected to go completely nude, with decorative objects such as collars, bands, tiaras, or cuffs being the only exceptions.
[12:27] Pirate Russell: ** Having friends, family or strangers aware of or witnessing one's treatment (i.e.: public humiliation).
[12:27] Pirate Russell: ** Use of chastity belts or other means of erotic sexual denial.
[12:27] Pirate Russell: ** Suppressed freedom of movement. This may include never being able to leave the room in which the dominant is present without permission, and may be forbidden to leave the house or 'dungeon' in general for the duration of slavery or servitude.
[12:28] Pirate Russell: ** Frequent performance of passive-aggressive sexual services for the dominant, such as erotic massage, cunnilingus, analingus, or fellatio, without expectations of reciprocal acts or intercourse.
[12:28] Pirate Russell: ** Specific rituals and affectations to be adopted. This includes displays of subservience, such as, walking a pace behind the dominant, only speaking when spoken to, kneeling or prostrating in front of the dominant when expecting orders, eating only afte
[12:28] Pirate Russell: ** Spanking, whipping, restraint or other BDSM activities such as cock and ball torture (CBT).
[12:29] Pirate Russell: ** Performance of menial tasks or abusive workload, such as cleaning the floors with a toothbrush.
[12:29] Pirate Russell: ** Detailed punishments for a variety of 'infractions' or misbehavior, such as having to stand in a corner facing a wall for several hours, flogging or whipping, reduced rations, or forced exercise.
[12:29] Pirate Russell: ** Roleplaying "lower status" beings, such as animals (for example dog or horse) or babies (see human animal roleplay, pup-play and adult baby play).
[12:30] Pirate Russell: ** Ejaculating, farting, defecating, spitting, slapping or urinating on the bottom's body, especially the face.
[12:30] Pirate Russell: ** Erotic objectification, where the bottom is cast in the role of an object, such as a footstool.
[12:30] Pirate Russell: ** Cuckoldry, taking on a third party lover to humiliate the bottom as an expression of the relationship between the top and the bottom.
[12:31] Pirate Russell: ** Having to ask permission to orgasm during sex or masturbation.
[12:31] Pirate Russell: The list is virtually endless, it all depends on what the bottom DOESN'T LIKE!
[12:31] Pirate Russell: Sexual roleplaying may or may not involve humiliation. For example, one person might play the part of a dog because they enjoy being mock-forced into it, and the top will emphasize the lowness of the bottom's status as an animal.
[12:32] Pirate Russell: Whereas another person might play the role of the dog without any element of humiliation, simply as an expression of their inner animal or playful spirit.
[12:32] Pirate Russell: .
[12:32] Pirate Russell: ~ Psychology of Humiliation
[12:32] Pirate Russell: Humiliation in general touches strong emotional buttons, the more so when it becomes sexualized.
[12:32] Pirate Russell: Because of this, consent and (paradoxically) a high degree of awareness and communication is needed to ensure that the result is desirable, rather than abusive.
[12:33] Pirate Russell: For example, a submissive may enjoy being insulted in some ways, but be genuinely crushed and devastated if humiliated or insulted in other ways.
[12:33] ***SD*** raises her hand
[12:33] Pirate Russell: Yes, little girl?
[12:33] ***SD***: I apologize for being late and missing instructions, should we ask questions now, or save them for the end?
[12:34] Pirate Russell: You've been here since the begining, I don't really address that, but we are about done
[12:34] Pirate Russell: No, actually not, go ahead with the question
[12:35] ***SD***: referecing your posit that one must be highly aware when engaging in humiliation, are there resources to which one might respectfully direct her Sir to deepen his understanding of this process?
[12:36] Pirate Russell: Well, this transcript will be in the Blog at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[12:36] Pirate Russell: And I'll get you some resources in a little bit, ok?
[12:36] ***SD***: thank you *smiles*
[12:36] Pirate Russell: Humiliation play is also connected to sexual fetishism, in that non-sexual activities may become sexualized by association with arousal,
[12:37] Pirate Russell: and also may be associated with exhibitionism in the sense of wanting others to witness (or being aroused by others witnessing) one's sexual degradation.
[12:38] Pirate Russell: For some people, activities such as name-calling are a way of achieving ego reduction or getting over sexual inhibitions.
[12:38] MystiTool HUD 1.3.1: Entering chat range: demon Silvercloud (15m)
[12:38] Pirate Russell: For example, between gay people, terms usually associated with homophobia may be used, such as "faggot" or "lesbo."
[12:39] Pirate Russell: As with all sexual activities, some people have sexual fantasies about humiliation, and others actually undertake it as a lifestyle or in a scene.
[12:39] Pirate Russell: Sexual fantasies relating to mild humiliation are not uncommon.
[12:40] Pirate Russell: Some humiliation roleplay (pup-play and age play in particular) is combined with loyalty and care-giving to the extent that these fetishes can be seen as exercises in trust rather than primarily a humiliation fetish.
[12:40] Pirate Russell: .
[12:40] Pirate Russell: ~ Blackmail and Humiliation
[12:40] Pirate Russell: The use of blackmail as a means to exact leverage over a humiliated individual is widely considered to be an extreme aspect of erotic humiliation.
[12:40] Pirate Russell: In relationships where the humiliated discloses sensitive personal information to the humiliator, and the release of that information would be catastrophically devastating to life of the humiliated,
[12:41] Pirate Russell: the consensual pretext of the relationship comes into question.
[12:41] Pirate Russell: The humiliator could demand the humiliated to take embarrassing photos and later threaten to expose the photos to a spouse or family member unless they further submit or force them to comply to their monetary demands.
[12:41] Pirate Russell: The legal implications of such an arrangement have not yet been explored.
[12:42] Pirate Russell: As is true with most BDSM relationships
[12:42] Pirate Russell: .
[12:42] Pirate Russell: ~ Online Humiliation - Why W/we're here!
[12:42] Pirate Russell: Online humiliation is the desire to be seen in a sexually embarrassing context via the internet. This practice allows the submissive to seek fetish partners from across the world.
[12:42] Pirate Russell: * Common methods of online humiliation include:
[12:42] Pirate Russell: ** Public pillory
[12:42] Pirate Russell: ** Embarrassing photographic or video assignments for submissives
[12:43] Pirate Russell: ** The requirement for submissives to keep online journals, detailing personal information such as masturbation frequency and details
[12:43] Pirate Russell: ** Verbal abuse
[12:43] Pirate Russell: ** Publicly bidding for items that reveal their fetishes
[12:43] Pirate Russell: ** Forcing them to go, or taking them to places where nudity isn't the norm
[12:43] Pirate Russell: ** Forcing them to service others in public or private.
[12:44] Pirate Russell: ** Leaving them bound in public places, dressed or not.
[12:44] Pirate Russell: Again, the list is endless, it all depends upon what your submissive finds humiliating, embarassing, or degrading.
[12:44] Pirate Russell: All transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[12:44] Pirate Russell: College of Kink classes Monday 7a, Tuesday 12:30 & 9a, Thursday 12:30 & Friday 9a.
[12:44] Pirate Russell: EEEP< that's wrong, it's Monday, Tuesday and Friday at noon
[12:44] Pirate Russell: Y/you could always check the Search/Events and look for College
[12:45] Pirate Russell: Questions? Comments??
[12:45] Pirate Russell: SpeakEasy HUD detaching...
[12:46] ***SD*** raises her hand, but sees ***JM*** typing away and holds her tongue
[12:47] ***JM***: sorry this will veer of course a tiny bit with my question but you mentioned the legal side to BDSM humilation if a sub/bottom demands no holds barred to whatvyou can do should you comply or stay with what you decide can and can't be done (RL)
[12:48] Pirate Russell: There are contracts that can be drawn up, etc, but no piece of paper will let Me whip ***SD***'s back to ribbons. If she goes to the ER, a report can be filed, and I could be arrested for Assault and Battery
[12:48] ***JM***: Sorry *Should you stay within a boundry even if you know that you might possible be breaking the law (I'm from the uk) or comply
[12:49] Pirate Russell: No worries, ***JM***, I'm not that bad when it comes to questions, and in the UK, I don't know, I'm in the US
[12:50] ***JM***: (BDSM is in a grey are in the uk and I'm exploring the bdsm scene here)
[12:50] ***JM***: *grey area\
[12:51] Pirate Russell: Same in the US, hell, if I were in a poly relationship, I'd have no say in legal matters with a secondary partner, in a LOT of cases!
[12:51] ***SD***: May I comment, Miss Pirate?
[12:52] Pirate Russell: Absitively!
[12:52] Pirate Russell: Was just gonna ask for your querry
[12:52] ***SD***: my comment to ***JM***, is first, if the sub is demanding anything you'd best look deep into her background.
[12:52] Pirate Russell POKES ***KF***
[12:53] ***KF***: i' here, just listening
[12:53] ***KF***: am still early in the learning curve
[12:53] Pirate Russell: Ok... that is another whole class... but... Pre Scene or Pre Relationship negotiation is a MUST!
[12:53] ***SD***: Second would be that levels of trust must be firmly entrenched....especially prior to physical acts that may be in the "could be seen as assault' category.
[12:53] Pirate Russell: You need to know what you want, and what you're willing to give up to get it, and same with the other party
[12:54] Pirate Russell: and, of course, LIMITS!
[12:54] ***SD***: I think I'd go with 'better safe than sorry" and temper it with how well you know your partner.
[12:54] Pirate Russell: D/s is a Relationship, and every relationship is as different as the people, and farm animals, that are in it!
[12:54] ***SD***: SSC...*smiles*
[12:55] Pirate Russell: Next week, I wall start My 2 week series, "submissive Rights" followed by "Dominant Responsibilities"
[12:55] Pirate Russell: er I WILL
[12:55] ***JM***: I was introduced to the scene by a friend who is a dom (and in my preferences im dom aswell) but most bdsm relationships i've started i've found partners demanding anonymity but asking to go to lengths where thats transcends that limit and also the legal questions it brings in
[12:56] ***JM***: that was a explanation to what i was asking earlier
[12:56] Pirate Russell: Well, in SL, anonymity is the norm
[12:57] Pirate Russell: In RL, if you're gonna beat someone's arse, you get to at least see them! he he
[12:57] ***SD***: My mistake, ***JM***, I thought you were asking about RL sceneing?
[12:57] ***SD***: As far as SL, the only lawsuit I've haerd of is an attempted rape, though I don't believe it has gone to court yet.
[12:58] Pirate Russell: No matter what, even in marriage (US again), if I say, "no", he needs to stop or it is rape!
[12:59] Pirate Russell: No matter what has gone on before, what's going on now, how close anyone is to anything.... no means stop, or it's rape
[13:01] ***JM***: I've started here in SL BDSM scene but i found i need to be careful just as usual a few people i know in the UK scene have had the law running to their front middle class surburan lawns and giving warnings etc (Warnings in the uk causes major problesm but im dragging thjis topic to other fields sorry for anyone else with questions)
[13:02] ***SD***: No, ***JM***, this is verra interesting; I had no idea it could be like that in the UK.
[13:02] Pirate Russell: Even with the impending Independence Day Holiday, I will refrain from Nationalism... he he
[13:03] Pirate Russell: All kidding aside, in SL, wail away, if someone's not happy, they will tell you, or leave, etc.
[13:03] Pirate Russell: in RL, you need to take even more care than you would in a Vanilla romantic relationship
[13:03] ***SD***: *nodsnodsnnods*
[13:03] ***SD***: it goes to negotiation
[13:04] Pirate Russell: And agreement
[13:04] Pirate Russell: and most of all.....
[13:04] ***SD***: which ifind to be ebst done in a very neutral setting, not up agasint a wall with heavy breathing.
[13:04] Pirate Russell whispers: COMMUNICATION
[13:04] Pirate Russell: Yes! And subbies are allowed to tell the Dominant what they like, want, etc. Just because you're submissive, doesn't mean your Her submissive... yet anyway
[13:05] ***SD***: *nodsnods* best to get it out before the dynamic entrenches
[13:06] Pirate Russell: Bottom line, "It's all about the alignment of wills", as My wise treasure, ibrew Meads. once said!
[13:06] ***JM*** smiles
[13:06] ***SD***: afterwards, some things become harder to negotiate, leading to my question, when you're entrenched, and would like your top to be a little more agressive in the humiliation area - are there good ways to bring this up?
[13:06] Pirate Russell: If ***KF*** wants her arse beat, and I want to do it, ALLIGNED!
[13:07] Pirate Russell: if she doesn't and I do, NOTHING.... and Vice versa
[13:07] Pirate Russell: if neither of us does.... well... duh!
[13:07] ***KF***: hehe, ***KF*** could be aligned..she is learning communication
[13:07] ***JM***: thank you pirate for answering my questions I'm going to head off but ty for clearing some things up
[13:07] Pirate Russell: GOOD for ***KF***
[13:07] ***SD***: good luck, ***JM***
[13:07] Pirate Russell: Sure, ANYtime ***JM***, and the next 2 weeks, Mon and Fri, both will be subby Rights, next week
[13:08] Pirate Russell: and Dominant Responsiblities the week after
[13:08] Pirate Russell: I won't be teaching Friday, for the Saturday US Holiday
[13:08] ***JM***: I belong to a different BDSM group but is there one here which gives notices
[13:08] Pirate Russell: Notices?
[13:09] Pirate Russell: LIke...
[13:09] ***JM***: On events/talks
[13:09] Pirate Russell: the ones I give?
[13:09] ***JM***: Oh House of V group?
[13:09] ***SD***: Ah, pardon, all, I must run, need to prep for an event - sincere apologies - Miss Pirate, thank you so much - illuminating as always.
[13:09] Pirate Russell: or check Events for College amd attend the college of kink events! ;-)
[13:09] Pirate Russell: Yeah, HoV, HoV Friends, and HoV Gold
[13:09] ***JM***: A
[13:10] ***JM***: Ah okay ty for the talk pirate and see you soon also see you aswell ***SD***
[13:11] ***JM***: Cheers#

Erotic Humiliation - 6/26/09

2009-06-26T20:36:00.000-07:00

[2009/06/26 12:06] Pirate Russell: OK, those that will, please turn off any radars, MystiTools, etc., to help with the Horrendous lag
[2009/06/26 12:06] Pirate Russell: Please take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[2009/06/26 12:06] Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! As most of y'all know, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor. I have been in SL for 3 1/2 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[2009/06/26 12:07] Pirate Russell: For any that need to leave early, all transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2009/06/26 12:07] Pirate Russell: .
[2009/06/26 12:08] Pirate Russell whispers: WOW, this lag is KILLER
[2009/06/26 12:08] Pirate Russell: Erotic humiliation: The consensual use of psychological humiliation in a sexual context, whereby, at least, one person gains arousal or erotic excitement from the powerful emotions of being humiliated and demeaned, or of humiliating another;
[2009/06/26 12:08] Pirate Russell: often (but not always) in conjunction with sexual stimulation of one or both partners in the activity. The humiliation need not be sexual in itself, as with many other sexual activities it is the feelings derived from it which are sought, regardless of th
[2009/06/26 12:09] Pirate Russell: Consider that the desire to be beneath the other partner during intercourse,the idea of "getting caught" such as with having sex in the garden or woods, or mild rape fantasies (where the person imagines themselves to be forced in a way they would like,
[2009/06/26 12:09] Pirate Russell: and which must be seen as completely different to any real form of rape), are mild emotional games that emphasise status, vulnerability and control.
[2009/06/26 12:10] Pirate Russell: For instance, I found this vulnerable girl up at the club, and inspite of the suspending of Members' Day Rules, she will obey, she is controlled
[2009/06/26 12:10] Pirate Russell: However, for most people such ideas remain a fantasy and they would have strong reservations about it being made public, or engaged in with a partner for real, however erotic the idea may be.
[2009/06/26 12:11] Pirate Russell: If a person does reveal their fetish to their partners, this usually is a result of a huge amount of trust invested in them, due to the similarly huge psychological struggle they would have had to have gone through to tell them.
[2009/06/26 12:11] Pirate Russell: Many people have the worry of being ridiculed for their fetish, and such ridicule from their partners could be psychologically catastrophic.
[2009/06/26 12:12] Pirate Russell: Therefore, many people use online humiliation (where the humiliator and others are involved via the internet using chat, websites, SL, etc.) as a compromise between exhibitionism and reality on the one hand, and safety and anonymity on the other.
[2009/06/26 12:12] Pirate Russell: Humiliation can be verbal or physical, and can be relatively private or public.
[2009/06/26 12:12] Pirate Russell: Often it can become ritualized, and unlike some sexual variations it can also be easily carried out over a long distance or online.
[2009/06/26 12:13] Pirate Russell: For instance if I were to tell ***MR*** here, to take off her pants, she will in SL, and might in RL....
[2009/06/26 12:14] Pirate Russell: The distinction between humiliation and dominance in an activity such as erotic spanking is that the sought-after effect is primarily the humiliation; the activity is just a means to that end.
[2009/06/26 12:14] Pirate Russell: While mild or moderate humiliation is not an uncommon part of BDSM or other sexual roleplay, humiliation play can be taken to a point where it becomes emotionally or psychologically distressing to one or the other partner.
[2009/06/26 12:15] Pirate Russell: Erotic humiliation can become extreme enough to be considered a form of edgeplay, that some consider may best be approached with advance negotiation and use of a safeword.
[2009/06/26 12:15] Pirate Russell: This is a highly subjective issue, and depends greatly on the participants.
[2009/06/26 12:16] Pirate Russell: .
[2009/06/26 12:16] Pirate Russell: ~ Terminology and Overview
[2009/06/26 12:16] Pirate Russell: The person being humiliated is often called a bottom, and the person who humiliates them is often called the top,
[2009/06/26 12:16] Pirate Russell: (though these are standard terms used in general dominant/submissive role play and are not specific to humiliation interests) or if female, sometimes humiliatrix.
[2009/06/26 12:17] Pirate Russell: Other common names are slave or sub/submissive for the bottom, and Master/Mistress or Dom/Domme for the top.
[2009/06/26 12:17] Pirate Russell: ~Humiliation is not the same as dominance, as the devotee is not necessarily seeking to be ordered about.
[2009/06/26 12:17] Pirate Russell: Humiliation comes into its own as a sexual force when the devotee seeks the humiliation over and above the means; for example, when being spanked is primarily valued because of the belittlement involved.
[2009/06/26 12:18] Pirate Russell: As such, it encompasses a range of paraphilia (abnormal sexual activity), in particular foot fetish or shoe fetish, body worship, spanking, bondage and most BDSM styles.
[2009/06/26 12:18] Pirate Russell: It can be as basic as the desire to kiss and massage feet as a precursor to sex, or it can be complex, involving roleplay or public displays of subservience.
[2009/06/26 12:18] Pirate Russell: It can be for a set period of time (a "scene") or as an ongoing facet of a relationship.
[2009/06/26 12:19] Pirate Russell: The "humiliation" is not intrinsic to the act or the object. Rather, symbiotic, a relationship beneficial to each charged, by the shared attitude of the partners engaged in the act.
[2009/06/26 12:20] Pirate Russell: "***MR***, take off the chaps and stockings"
[2009/06/26 12:20] Pirate Russell: It is they who invest specific acts, objects or body-parts with a humiliating aspect.
[2009/06/26 12:20] Pirate Russell: .
[2009/06/26 12:20] Pirate Russell: ~ Means of Humiliation
[2009/06/26 12:21] Pirate Russell: Sexual humiliation is very open-ended. Broadly, it can be divided into verbal and physical aspects.
[2009/06/26 12:21] Pirate Russell: *Verbal aspects of this might include:
[2009/06/26 12:21] Pirate Russell: ** Mockery, derision and ridicule.
[2009/06/26 12:21] Pirate Russell: ** Verbal belittlement, such as "slave", "boy", "girl", "missy", "pet".
[2009/06/26 12:21] Pirate Russell: ** Insults and verbal abuse, such as "fat", "ugly", "stupid", "worthless".
[2009/06/26 12:22] Pirate Russell: ** Degrading references, such as "slut", "tart", "bitch" and "whore".
[2009/06/26 12:22] Pirate Russell: ** Slighting of body parts or behaviors, such as disparaging or cruel references to breasts, facial appearance, genitalia or genital size, bottom, and slighting of mannerisms such as walking, responsiveness, standard of self-care.
[2009/06/26 12:22] Pirate Russell: ** Having to ask permission for everyday activities such as going to the toilet, spending money or eating.
[2009/06/26 12:22] Pirate Russell: ** Small breasts humiliation, where scorn is addressed over the supposed inadequacy of the adult female's breasts, or her inability to please a man (and by implication her essential worthlessness as a woman), and her breasts become objects of fun.
[2009/06/26 12:23] Pirate Russell: ** Small penis humiliation, where scorn is addressed over the supposed inadequacy of the adult male's genitals, or his inability to please a woman (and by implication his essential worthlessness as a man), and his penis becomes an object of fun.
[2009/06/26 12:23] Pirate Russell: ** Forced repetition, such as being obliged to repeat back commands to confirm them.
[2009/06/26 12:23] Pirate Russell: ** Forced flattery, such as agreeing that every decision that the dominant makes is wise, correct, and justifiable, while additionally praising the dominant's physical and personality traits.
[2009/06/26 12:23] Pirate Russell: Well in MY case, that's not flattery, just the facts! he he
[2009/06/26 12:24] Pirate Russell: ** Reduction to Human animal roleplay or human pet, referring to these individuals as pet, dog, girl, bitch, or making them eat and drink from pet food and water bowls.
[2009/06/26 12:24] Pirate Russell: .
[2009/06/26 12:24] Pirate Russell: *Physical Humiliation:
[2009/06/26 12:24] Pirate Russell: Some sexual humiliation involves inflicting pain, but much of it is far more concerned with ridicule, mocking, degradation and embarrassment.
[2009/06/26 12:24] Pirate Russell: Physical and tangible aspects might include:
[2009/06/26 12:25] Pirate Russell: ** Wearing of external signs of "ownership", such as a collar.
[2009/06/26 12:25] Pirate Russell: ** Forced to wear a gag and/or restraints on the body.
[2009/06/26 12:25] Pirate Russell: ** Prohibitions or restrictions on clothing, even in public. For females a common example is being mandated to only wear revealing bikinis or lingerie. For men, this may include feminizing or cross-dressing.
[2009/06/26 12:25] Pirate Russell looks down at ***MR*** and giggles
[2009/06/26 12:26] Pirate Russell: Both sexes may be expected to go completely nude, with decorative objects such as collars, bands, tiaras, or cuffs being the only exceptions.
[2009/06/26 12:26] Pirate Russell: ** Having friends, family or strangers aware of or witnessing one's treatment (i.e.: public humiliation).
[2009/06/26 12:26] Pirate Russell: ** Use of chastity belts or other means of erotic sexual denial.
[2009/06/26 12:26] Pirate Russell: ** Suppressed freedom of movement. This may include never being able to leave the room in which the dominant is present without permission, and may be forbidden to leave the house or 'dungeon' in general for the duration of slavery or servitude.
[2009/06/26 12:27] Pirate Russell: ** Frequent performance of passive-aggressive sexual services for the dominant, such as erotic massage, cunnilingus, analingus, or fellatio, without expectations of reciprocal acts or intercourse.
[2009/06/26 12:27] Pirate Russell: ** Specific rituals and affectations to be adopted. This includes displays of subservience, such as, walking a pace behind the dominant, only speaking when spoken to, kneeling or prostrating in front of the dominant when expecting orders, eating only afte
[2009/06/26 12:27] Pirate Russell: ** Spanking, whipping, restraint or other BDSM activities such as cock and ball torture (CBT).
[2009/06/26 12:28] Pirate Russell: ** Performance of menial tasks or abusive workload, such as cleaning the floors with a toothbrush.
[2009/06/26 12:28] Pirate Russell: ** Detailed punishments for a variety of 'infractions' or misbehavior, such as having to stand in a corner facing a wall for several hours, flogging or whipping, reduced rations, or forced exercise.
[2009/06/26 12:28] Pirate Russell: ** Roleplaying "lower status" beings, such as animals (for example dog or horse) or babies (see human animal roleplay, pup-play and adult baby play).
[2009/06/26 12:28] Pirate Russell: ** Ejaculating, farting, defecating, spitting, slapping or urinating on the bottom's body, especially the face.
[2009/06/26 12:28] Pirate Russell: ** Erotic objectification, where the bottom is cast in the role of an object, such as a footstool.
[2009/06/26 12:29] Pirate Russell: ** Cuckoldry, taking on a third party lover to humiliate the bottom as an expression of the relationship between the top and the bottom.
[2009/06/26 12:29] Pirate Russell: ** Having to ask permission to orgasm during sex or masturbation.
[2009/06/26 12:29] Pirate Russell: The list is virtually endless, it all depends on what the bottom DOESN'T LIKE!
[2009/06/26 12:30] Pirate Russell: Sexual roleplaying may or may not involve humiliation. For example, one person might play the part of a dog because they enjoy being mock-forced into it, and the top will emphasize the lowness of the bottom's status as an animal.
[2009/06/26 12:30] Pirate Russell: Whereas another person might play the role of the dog without any element of humiliation, simply as an expression of their inner animal or playful spirit.
[2009/06/26 12:30] Pirate Russell: .
[2009/06/26 12:31] Pirate Russell: ~ Psychology of Humiliation
[2009/06/26 12:31] Pirate Russell: Humiliation in general touches strong emotional buttons, the more so when it becomes sexualized.
[2009/06/26 12:31] Pirate Russell: Because of this, consent and (paradoxically) a high degree of awareness and communication is needed to ensure that the result is desirable, rather than abusive.
[2009/06/26 12:31] Pirate Russell: For example, a submissive may enjoy being insulted in some ways, but be genuinely crushed and devastated if humiliated or insulted in other ways.
[2009/06/26 12:32] Pirate Russell: Humiliation play is also connected to sexual fetishism, in that non-sexual activities may become sexualized by association with arousal,
[2009/06/26 12:33] Pirate Russell: and also may be associated with exhibitionism in the sense of wanting others to witness (or being aroused by others witnessing) one's sexual degradation.
[2009/06/26 12:33] Pirate Russell: For some people, activities such as name-calling are a way of achieving ego reduction or getting over sexual inhibitions.
[2009/06/26 12:33] Pirate Russell: For example, between gay people, terms usually associated with homophobia may be used, such as "faggot" or "lesbo."
[2009/06/26 12:34] Pirate Russell: As with all sexual activities, some people have sexual fantasies about humiliation, and others actually undertake it as a lifestyle or in a scene.
[2009/06/26 12:34] Pirate Russell: Sexual fantasies relating to mild humiliation are not uncommon.
[2009/06/26 12:34] Pirate Russell: Some humiliation roleplay (pup-play and age play in particular) is combined with loyalty and care-giving to the extent that these fetishes can be seen as exercises in trust rather than primarily a humiliation fetish.
[2009/06/26 12:35] Pirate Russell: .
[2009/06/26 12:35] Pirate Russell: ~ Blackmail and Humiliation
[2009/06/26 12:36] Pirate Russell: The use of blackmail as a means to exact leverage over a humiliated individual is widely considered to be an extreme aspect of erotic humiliation.
[2009/06/26 12:36] Pirate Russell: In relationships where the humiliated discloses sensitive personal information to the humiliator, and the release of that information would be catastrophically devastating to life of the humiliated,
[2009/06/26 12:36] Pirate Russell: the consensual pretext of the relationship comes into question.
[2009/06/26 12:37] Pirate Russell: The humiliator could demand the humiliated to take embarrassing photos and later threaten to expose the photos to a spouse or family member unless they further submit or force them to comply to their monetary demands.
[2009/06/26 12:37] Pirate Russell: The legal implications of such an arrangement have not yet been explored.
[2009/06/26 12:38] Pirate Russell: .
[2009/06/26 12:38] Pirate Russell: ~ Online Humiliation - Why W/we're here!
[2009/06/26 12:38] Pirate Russell: Online humiliation is the desire to be seen in a sexually embarrassing context via the internet. This practice allows the submissive to seek fetish partners from across the world.
[2009/06/26 12:38] Pirate Russell: * Common methods of online humiliation include:
[2009/06/26 12:39] Pirate Russell: ** Public pillory
[2009/06/26 12:39] Pirate Russell: ** Embarrassing photographic or video assignments for submissives
[2009/06/26 12:39] Pirate Russell: ** The requirement for submissives to keep online journals, detailing personal information such as masturbation frequency and details
[2009/06/26 12:39] Pirate Russell: ** Verbal abuse
[2009/06/26 12:40] Pirate Russell: ** Publicly bidding for items that reveal their fetishes
[2009/06/26 12:40] Pirate Russell: ** Forcing them to go, or taking them to places where nudity isn't the norm
[2009/06/26 12:40] Pirate Russell: ** Forcing them to service others in public or private.
[2009/06/26 12:40] Pirate Russell: ** Leaving them bound in public places, dressed or not.
[2009/06/26 12:41] Pirate Russell: Again, the list is endless, it all depends upon what your submissive finds humiliating, embarassing, or degrading.
[2009/06/26 12:41] Pirate Russell: All transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2009/06/26 12:42] Pirate Russell: Questions, comments?
[2009/06/26 12:42] Pirate Russell: Classes are Mo, Tue, and Fri at noon, right now.
[2009/06/26 12:45] Pirate Russell: No questions at ALL?!
[2009/06/26 12:45] Pirate Russell listens to the crickets.....
[2009/06/26 12:45] ***zA***: no sorry miss pirate not by me
[2009/06/26 12:46] ***RR***: Most of it sounds like people I know,,, not ot mention any names
[2009/06/26 12:46] ***CA***: hehe
[2009/06/26 12:46] ***VI***: Communicaiton, then seems to be the best way to not find yourself in an overly humiliating situation
[2009/06/26 12:46] Pirate Russell: But her initials are ***CA***?
[2009/06/26 12:46] ***RR***: YUp
[2009/06/26 12:47] Pirate Russell: And yes, ***VU*** as with any 'kink', if I don't know ***MR*** likes it, how can I do it?
[2009/06/26 12:47] Pirate Russell: or doesn't like it, why would I??!!
[2009/06/26 12:47] ***CA***: I've noticed that subs into humiliation often have a theme. Activities inside that theme almost always excite, but going outside that theme requires a lot more communication because like you say, it can go the exact opposite of fun in a hurry
[2009/06/26 12:47] ***VI***: nods at ***CA***
[2009/06/26 12:47] Pirate Russell: Good Point, "***MR***, enjoying yourself?"
[2009/06/26 12:48] ***MR***: a bit embarassing.... so.. it is fun
[2009/06/26 12:48] Pirate Russell smiles
[2009/06/26 12:48] ***RR***: yup sounds familiar
[2009/06/26 12:49] Pirate Russell takes whole weeks and runs around SL naked, not humiliating, houwever, it's My choice
[2009/06/26 12:49] Pirate Russell: ((Note to self: Schedule naked week, SOON))
[2009/06/26 12:49] ***VI***: giggles
[2009/06/26 12:50] Pirate Russell would start now, but don't wanna steal ***MR***' thunder... he he
[2009/06/26 12:50] ***CA***: and that's another point worth mentioning. Something you find embarrassing will bore me to tears, and vice versa.
[2009/06/26 12:50] Pirate Russell: Kinda like D/s in general, it's a relationship, and each relationship is as different as those, and the farm animals, that are in it!
[2009/06/26 12:51] ***CA***: yah
[2009/06/26 12:51] ***VI***: What is the best way to handle a scene when the humiliation takes a wrong turn?
[2009/06/26 12:51] ***RR***: safeword
[2009/06/26 12:51] Pirate Russell: Online: Safeword, go OOC, or even log out
[2009/06/26 12:51] ***VI***: nods
[2009/06/26 12:51] Pirate Russell: but for dog's sake COMMUNICATE as soon as you can.
[2009/06/26 12:52] ***CA***: and that's a really tough one to handle in the first place, since humiliation most often involves damaging one's reputation in some way, at its core. By the time it's gone too far, you may have caused damage you can't fix
[2009/06/26 12:52] Pirate Russell: That's why there needs to be negotiation at the begining of EVERY D/s relationship.
[2009/06/26 12:53] ***CA*** nods
[2009/06/26 12:53] Pirate Russell: Though Members' Day helped speed things along today.. he he
[2009/06/26 12:53] ***LL***: except you RP is about no negociation ;)
[2009/06/26 12:53] Pirate Russell: Even if it's a scene long, or a RL Life long relationship. Don't sign on, until you KNOW what you want and what you're willing to give up t o get it
[2009/06/26 12:53] Pirate Russell: not true, ***LL***
[2009/06/26 12:54] Pirate Russell: If I walk up and spank you with no talk, how do I know if that's what you like, or if it's a hard limit?
[2009/06/26 12:54] ***LL***: well who knows ;) except me
[2009/06/26 12:55] Pirate Russell: There has to be some chat go on, so you know you can even play with someone, what they wanna do, what gets thiem off, and what makes them log off, what you wanna do, and what will make you log off.
[2009/06/26 12:55] ***LL***: i mean sometimes RP is also about risk .. if all is negociated before you do ;) well might be boring
[2009/06/26 12:55] ***CA***: as a personal example of what I mean... There's a femdom sim where I'm a domme in good standing, and respected. If a dominant were to take me there and humiliate me, it might be fun... but it would irreparably damage my credibility there in a way I would be unable to fix
[2009/06/26 12:56] Pirate Russell: Unless those watching were informed it was a RP
[2009/06/26 12:56] ***CA***: even so, many would never understand
[2009/06/26 12:56] Pirate Russell: Then yes, that would have to be a big decision for you. If you're not willing to do that, then that's a limit
[2009/06/26 12:57] ***MR***: a "single shot game" that could worth being played.... ***CA*** *giggle*
[2009/06/26 12:57] ***CA***: hehe
[2009/06/26 12:57] Pirate Russell: Or if you decided that you didn't wanna Domme, anymore, then that would be a fun way to make sure it's permenant
[2009/06/26 12:57] ***CA*** nods
[2009/06/26 12:59] ***RR***: Or just keep Dommeing there & showing up here in a pantiless maids outfit
[2009/06/26 13:00] ***CA*** laughs and blushes
[2009/06/26 13:00] Pirate Russell: Or domme your subby while wearing that outfit
[2009/06/26 13:00] ***CA***: I dommed once wearing a pink bunny costume
[2009/06/26 13:00] Pirate Russell: As you can see, I'm not a 'traditional Domme'. I'm an exhibitionist, and a smart a$$
[2009/06/26 13:00] ***RR***: Everyone needs a hobby
[2009/06/26 13:01] ***CA*** grins
[2009/06/26 13:01] Pirate Russell: There is that!
[2009/06/26 13:02] ***VI***: Thank you Mistress for an informative class, as always i enjoyed it.
[2009/06/26 13:02] Pirate Russell: My pleasure
[2009/06/26 13:02] Pirate Russell: Any that feel the need to tip, please go to the West of Ireland sim and put the money to good use by donating to the "Project Children" fund
[2009/06/26 13:02] ***CA***: yes, great class!
[2009/06/26 13:02] ***RR***: Ya done good, Pirate
[2009/06/26 13:02] Pirate Russell: This is one of My favorites, and ***MR*** likes it too!
[2009/06/26 13:02] ***MR*** giggles
[2009/06/26 13:03] Pirate Russell: Well, class dismissed!
[2009/06/26 13:04] Pirate Russell: Thanks for coming, I enjoyed the discussion!
[2009/06/26 13:04] ***zA***: thank you miss porate
[2009/06/26 13:04] Pirate Russell: You're welcome zo
[2009/06/26 13:04] ***MP*** pokes , doesn't run away.
[2009/06/26 13:05] ***VI***: "well Shin did you enjoy it?"

BDSM Online vs. RL - 6/24/09

2009-06-26T20:34:00.000-07:00

[12:05] Dominic Rahja: BDSM as it is online (SL) versus RL
[12:09] Dominic Rahja: as for an introduction I copied some text from a blog
[12:09] Dominic Rahja: dont worry about copy rights, they dont know Me rl
[12:09] Dominic Rahja: anyway
[12:09] Pirate Russell: Just cite the site, and you're clear! he he
[12:09] Dominic Rahja: what this pesron wrote was quite catching
[12:09] Dominic Rahja: its about bdsm online
[12:10] Dominic Rahja: here it cums
[12:10] Dominic Rahja: BDSM in a World without Pain
[12:10] Dominic Rahja: It’s hard to feel pain in virtual worlds; in fact, it’s downright impossible.
[12:10] Dominic Rahja: Simulate any other facet of life – love, childbirth, the perfect pair of shoes – but experiencing physical pain is out of bounds.
[12:10] Dominic Rahja: . No amount of roleplaying can recreate it. Real-life pain requires a real-life body, one thing virtual worlds just can’t provide.
[12:11] Dominic Rahja: (( note: this is not written by Me))
[12:11] Dominic Rahja: Not that anyone seems to be complaining.
[12:11] ***BM***: @
[12:11] Dominic Rahja: Virtual life has its advantages, and one of them is freedom from real-life restrictions like pain.
[12:11] Dominic Rahja: yes ***BM***?
[12:12] ***BM***: this may sound funny, but I know of subs who "mirror" in rl what is happening in sl, ie, hit themselves with a hairbrush or paddle for the pain factor
[12:12] Dominic Rahja: nods
[12:13] Dominic Rahja: we come back later to that
[12:13] ***BM***: I guess, I was disagreeing in a way. sorry
[12:13] Dominic Rahja: adding rl activities to online experiences is a topic
[12:13] Dominic Rahja: we'll talk about that after this intro
[12:13] ***BM***: I'll go back to my usual quiet self
[12:13] Dominic Rahja: ok, I go on
[12:14] Dominic Rahja: This freedom makes online environments ideal spaces for experimentation, both personal and sexual.
[12:14] Dominic Rahja: Needless to say, virtual worlds are rife with exploration of all kinds, much of it kinky.
[12:14] Dominic Rahja: But in worlds without pain, what happens to those very masters of kink, the men and women who know pain best, virtual sadomasochists?
[12:14] Dominic Rahja: Strangely enough, nothing.
[12:15] Dominic Rahja: There are plenty of online BDSM communities practicing today.
[12:15] Dominic Rahja: Just club-hop through Second Life and you’ll see that soon enough.
[12:15] Dominic Rahja: Sensual contraptions straight from a torture chamber line the walls of semi-private rooms.
[12:15] Dominic Rahja: Xcite! has begun selling floggers with realistically drooping tails.
[12:15] Dominic Rahja: . Half the women on the street are calling out with their enormous, kinky boots, “Come on, hurt me!”
[12:16] Dominic Rahja: laffs
[12:16] Dominic Rahja: But you can’t. In Second Life, I can’t even hurt myself.
[12:16] Dominic Rahja: On a slow Monday evening, I strap my avatar into a S/M device that sends an enormous spike through my vagina, over and over and over. Imagination and projection are important here,
[12:16] Dominic Rahja: ((not My vagina btw))
[12:16] Dominic Rahja: certainly, but even in the mood, I can’t feel a thing.
[12:17] Dominic Rahja: My avatar looks bored. The BDSM I’m used to, real-life BDSM, stings, burns, bleeds. This doesn’t even tickle.
[12:17] Dominic Rahja: If S/M depends on physical sensation, then what’s this?
[12:17] Dominic Rahja: Maybe that’s the problem: we expect to feel.
[12:17] Dominic Rahja: We wonder, how can something so often dependent on physical action transfer to an electronic environment?
[12:18] Dominic Rahja: But it doesn’t just transfer, it transforms.
[12:18] Dominic Rahja: BDSM in cyberspace becomes what it’s been at its root all along, a matter not of pain, but of control.
[12:18] Dominic Rahja: ok
[12:19] Dominic Rahja: this is what I believe is a rl lifes styler experiences in sl
[12:19] Dominic Rahja: she wants to feel
[12:19] Dominic Rahja: as like what ***BM*** added, of course there are ways to add some rl to it
[12:19] Dominic Rahja: but does that do the trick?
[12:20] Dominic Rahja: surely, sl provides us a way to explore
[12:20] ***BM*** smiles and waves to ***BH***
[12:20] Dominic Rahja: but its also a fact that it nearly comes close to rl
[12:20] Dominic Rahja: or am I wrong?
[12:20] Dominic Rahja: like in the last sentence of this intro:
[12:20] Dominic Rahja: is it the control that does the trick maybe
[12:21] Dominic Rahja: hello ***BH***
[12:21] Dominic Rahja: welcome to the college
[12:21] ***BH***: hello E/everyone
[12:21] Dominic Rahja: its a statistic fact that lots of people who never heard of something like bdsm, get in contact with it through sl
[12:22] Dominic Rahja: and many interested in it, look upon it as a cool kinky play
[12:22] Dominic Rahja: which it is of course and nothing wrong with that view
[12:22] Dominic Rahja: but for those who really wanna experience bdsm lifely
[12:23] Dominic Rahja: by touch
[12:23] Dominic Rahja: then sl is just a little too short
[12:23] Dominic Rahja: another problem that might occur..
[12:23] Dominic Rahja: is in what way is bdsm as it is offered in sl realistic
[12:24] Dominic Rahja: I mean:
[12:24] Dominic Rahja: if you do some search
[12:24] Dominic Rahja: you can type all kinds of kinky words
[12:24] Dominic Rahja: and it will give you an option
[12:24] Dominic Rahja: of places you can go to, to experience that
[12:25] ***TY***: @
[12:25] Dominic Rahja: (( if you got adult switched on hehe))
[12:25] Dominic Rahja: yes ***TY***
[12:25] ***TY***: I can only speak for myself... but I came to SL through a friend... who knew I was hurting due to the death of my rl Master... seeking the control and routine of bdsm while I worked through my grief and depression in rl... and that is what I found.... the control... the ability to have someone assist me with focusing on day to day activities
[12:25] Dominic Rahja: nods
[12:25] ***TY***: so from that standpoint
[12:25] Dominic Rahja: but in this manner you came to sl with knowing what you wanted
[12:26] Dominic Rahja: greets ***BW***
[12:26] ***TY***: it was for the most part a close proximity... but you are correct ... the physical component
[12:26] ***TY***: was lacking when comfort was needed and offered
[12:26] ***BW***: greetings Master Dominic
[12:26] Dominic Rahja: when i first joined sl, it was because people told me that I would find a good bdsm community here
[12:26] Dominic Rahja: which was true
[12:26] ***NZ***: waves to ***BW***
[12:27] Dominic Rahja: but 9 out of 10 got their first encounter with this life style here in sl
[12:27] Dominic Rahja: some turn their backs
[12:27] Dominic Rahja: and some wanna know more about it
[12:27] Dominic Rahja: for that last group we got the college here
[12:27] Dominic Rahja: and not to forget the school
[12:28] Dominic Rahja: but as I said:
[12:28] Dominic Rahja: we here talk about realism
[12:28] Dominic Rahja: but how realistic is sl
[12:28] Dominic Rahja: suppose
[12:28] Dominic Rahja: I hear about snuff
[12:29] Dominic Rahja: as something cruel
[12:29] Dominic Rahja: killing stuff
[12:29] Dominic Rahja: and just for the fun of it, I type it in
[12:29] Dominic Rahja: bingo
[12:29] Dominic Rahja: found places for it
[12:30] Dominic Rahja: but in the description of the place
[12:30] Dominic Rahja: is not only snuff mentioned
[12:30] Dominic Rahja: but also bdsm
[12:30] Dominic Rahja: is snuff the bdsm related?
[12:30] Dominic Rahja: probably because both words are put next to eachother
[12:31] Dominic Rahja: now you can say: hey, but sl snuff that aint rl
[12:31] Dominic Rahja: true
[12:31] Dominic Rahja: gladly u cant kill anybody
[12:31] Dominic Rahja: maybe shoot someone to the next sim lol
[12:32] Dominic Rahja: but he will survive that
[12:32] Dominic Rahja: but the point isd
[12:32] Dominic Rahja: that here on sl many places try to offer you the extremest kinky stuff ever
[12:32] Dominic Rahja: why is that?
[12:32] Dominic Rahja: traffic issue?
[12:33] Dominic Rahja: just fun?
[12:33] Dominic Rahja: sure
[12:33] Dominic Rahja: but is that bdsm?
[12:33] Dominic Rahja: dont think you'd like a Dom into snuff do you?
[12:33] Dominic Rahja: sl wise it doesnt matter maybe
[12:33] Dominic Rahja: but rl? hm
[12:34] Dominic Rahja: lately there has been some media hassle again about something linky in sl
[12:34] Dominic Rahja: about rape
[12:34] Dominic Rahja: suppose
[12:34] Dominic Rahja: you walk the streets of some urban place in sl
[12:34] Dominic Rahja: the place advertises: rape
[12:35] Dominic Rahja: and so it happens
[12:35] Dominic Rahja: at the corner of some dark alley, a guy humps ya
[12:35] Dominic Rahja: rp you'd say
[12:35] Dominic Rahja: yeah it is
[12:35] Dominic Rahja: but it can also happen you feel a bit scared with it
[12:35] Dominic Rahja: is it consensual?
[12:36] Dominic Rahja: hm
[12:36] Dominic Rahja: not really but
[12:36] Dominic Rahja: you knew what could happen
[12:36] Dominic Rahja: I show you some text about what happened
[12:37] Dominic Rahja: got this from another blog author
[12:37] Dominic Rahja: Just today, I read about Brussels police looking into a complaint of “virtual rape” within the game, Second Life.
[12:37] ***BM***: @
[12:37] Dominic Rahja: ***BM***?
[12:38] ***BM***: ok...it is consensual, sorry, but I can't see how it can be anything but....there are tp's, and in the worst case, how bout a power butten.
[12:38] Dominic Rahja: right
[12:38] ***BM***: a complaint of "virtual rape"..thats insane
[12:38] Dominic Rahja: the question is: can there be such a thing as rape in sl
[12:39] Dominic Rahja: rap roleplay wise is therefor something you agree to
[12:39] ***NZ***: someone could be so shocked its happening they dont think to TP out
[12:39] ***TY***: @
[12:39] Dominic Rahja: possibly baby
[12:39] Dominic Rahja: ***TY***?
[12:39] ***BM***: I don't think so...sorry...still have a power button, or walk away
[12:39] ***NZ***: and new to sl
[12:39] ***TY***: I would think if you are in a sim location that advertises rape
[12:39] ***TY***: you have given implied consent
[12:40] ***NZ***: happened to me when i wa new lolol
[12:40] ***TY***: now... if you are somewhere else....
[12:40] ***TY***: that's a different story
[12:40] Dominic Rahja: right
[12:40] Dominic Rahja: and thats what ***NZ*** means
[12:40] Dominic Rahja: I show you the rest of this blog text
[12:41] Dominic Rahja: it is a rl serious matter btw
[12:41] Dominic Rahja: Just today, I read about Brussels police looking into a complaint of “virtual rape” within the game, Second Life.
[12:41] Dominic Rahja: Wired even had a nice descriptive analysis on how virtual rape is traumatizing (and no doubt it is) when it is non-consensual.
[12:41] Dominic Rahja: But something just didn’t jive with all of this. Here’s my thoughts.
[12:41] ***BM***: @
[12:41] Dominic Rahja: First off, the younger players are filtered off on the Teen Grid while everyone else is on the main Grid.
[12:42] Dominic Rahja: after this article , you get your turn ***BM***
[12:42] Dominic Rahja: If a teen happens to lie and get a hold of adult qualifications or has an adult create the account,
[12:42] ***BM*** shakes her head...nvr mind
[12:42] Dominic Rahja: then they bypass the security measures in keeping them safe from any sexual activities that could happen on the main Grid.
[12:42] Dominic Rahja: Second, there is no possible way to force another avatar to do your bidding without that other player allowing control.
[12:43] Dominic Rahja: At least not to my limited knowledge.
[12:43] Dominic Rahja: I suppose you could be barraged by words over chat or IM, but there is this fancy schmancy thing called mute that can basically silence anyone from saying anything to you.
[12:43] Dominic Rahja: Believe me, I’ve done it many times when someone goes crazy in chat.
[12:43] Pirate Russell: @
[12:43] Dominic Rahja: I’m sure many people have hit the mute key on me too since I joke around all the time.
[12:43] Dominic Rahja: Holds ***BM*** and Pirate
[12:44] Dominic Rahja: You could potentially have stalkers (both in-game and real life), but as with any social environment, if you give too much information away, that’s just a potential risk.
[12:44] Dominic Rahja: So given the above, I’m not even sure how this would work.
[12:44] Dominic Rahja: Don’t get me wrong, virtual games come with some very real problems that could arise just as if you wandered around chat rooms except with these, it’s with avatars.
[12:44] Dominic Rahja: And I’m not belittling virtual rape, since that’s very wrong and no one should ever go through such things online.
[12:45] Dominic Rahja: I’m just trying to figure out the logistics behind how it can even possibly be done in Second Life due to the limitations of the game.
[12:45] Dominic Rahja: It almost doesn’t seem to be possible, at least in Second Life.
[12:45] Dominic Rahja: allright
[12:45] Dominic Rahja: ***BM***?
[12:46] ***BM***: please go on to pirate, I'm about to have a fit that someone would be able to waste our tax dollars on a courte case like this
[12:46] ***BM***: the girl had to choose right click sit
[12:46] ***BM***: and give permission to operate the ave
[12:46] Dominic Rahja: nods
[12:46] ***BM***: besides
[12:46] ***BH***: not really, with auto accepting relays and no control over them the only real option is to logout
[12:47] Dominic Rahja: surely media always try to create a hype over such things
[12:47] ***BM***: these sims advertise "rape role play" its not a suprise
[12:47] Dominic Rahja: no
[12:47] Dominic Rahja: you'll find it elsewhere on the net too
[12:47] Dominic Rahja: like today I found a forced fuck website lol
[12:48] Dominic Rahja: if I was shocked about it then I would hit the *leave* button wouldnt I
[12:48] Dominic Rahja: but I didnt hehe, but Im a perv
[12:48] ***TY***: lol
[12:48] Dominic Rahja: Pirate
[12:48] ***TY***: @
[12:48] Nane Pey is Online
[12:49] Dominic Rahja: ***TY*** on hold
[12:58] Dominic Rahja: ok
[12:59] Dominic Rahja: I started with the question: does sl bdsm offer the right bdsm
[12:59] Dominic Rahja: the girl in the introduction told us a definate NO
[13:00] Dominic Rahja: because she believes sl just lacks personal contact
[13:00] Dominic Rahja: which is true
[13:00] Dominic Rahja: on the other hand, there are many ways to add some real life to it
[13:01] Dominic Rahja: like the flogging you mentioned ***BM***
[13:01] Dominic Rahja: another point is..
[13:01] Dominic Rahja: the different aspects of bdsm in sl arent always realistic
[13:01] Dominic Rahja: they are sometimes too extreme
[13:02] Dominic Rahja: and are no part of bdsm in real
[13:02] Dominic Rahja: for instance rape isnt
[13:02] Dominic Rahja: rape as play in safe and consensual maybe
[13:02] Dominic Rahja: but not in a dark alley
[13:02] Dominic Rahja: surely, sl provides us kinky roleplay
[13:03] Dominic Rahja: and theres no harm in exploring it
[13:03] Dominic Rahja: as long you dont start believing you will encounter this all in rl
[13:03] Dominic Rahja: wehich in many cases is even impossible
[13:03] Dominic Rahja: think of dolcett in this way
[13:04] Dominic Rahja: nobody wants to be roast
[13:04] Dominic Rahja: in real
[13:04] Dominic Rahja: okay
[13:04] Dominic Rahja: any more questions, remarks
[13:05] Dominic Rahja: ok
[13:05] ***TY***: ty Sir Dom...
[13:05] Dominic Rahja: then I hereby end our session and I hope it was informative
[13:05] ***TW***: thank you Sir..
[13:05] Dominic Rahja: and sorry for the disruption
[13:05] ***AX***: thank you Sir Dominic
[13:05] Dominic Rahja: safe paths to you all
[13:06] Dominic Rahja: yw :)
[13:07] ***BM***: Thank you, Sir Dominic
[13:07] Dominic Rahja: yw ***BM***
[13:07] ***BM***: I hope I didn't make things difficult for you
[13:07] Dominic Rahja: not at all
[13:07] Dominic Rahja: I glad with your feed back
[13:08] ***BM***: Your classes have been informative thus far.
[13:08] Dominic Rahja: thanks