Jealousy - 8/4/09

[12:23] Pirate Russell: Ok, please take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[12:23] Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! As most of y'all know, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor. I have been in SL for 3 1/2 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[12:23] Pirate Russell: Ok, please take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[12:23] Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! As most of y'all know, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor. I have been in SL for 3 1/2 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[12:23] Pirate Russell: For any that need to leave early, all transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[12:23] Pirate Russell: DISCLAIMER: I have no training or schooling in Psychology,Psychiatry, or Counseling of ANY kind! All of My observations are from My real life and what I've found on the web
[12:24] Pirate Russell: SORRY
[12:24] Pirate Russell: If you are having problems dealing with Jealousy, PLEASE PLEASE contact a competent professional!
[12:24] Pirate Russell: Jealousy typically refers to the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that occur when a person believes a valued relationship is being threatened by a rival.
[12:24] ***AH***: ***LN***
[12:24] ***LN***: Yes, Master?
[12:24] Pirate Russell: IM Please people, that's the crosstalk that distracts the class
[12:24] ***AH***: come kneel by me
[12:24] Pirate Russell: Dr. Jennifer James, author of "Women and the Blues: Passions That Hurt, Passions That Heal", wrote:
[12:25] Pirate Russell: "Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you.
[12:25] Pirate Russell: There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck.
[12:25] Pirate Russell: Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences."
[12:25] Pirate Russell: Jealousy is an emotion that can be very damaging to ANY relationship. It can also prevent you from growing emotionally.
[12:25] ***SB*** accepted your inventory offer.
[12:26] Pirate Russell: It is not the same thing as envy. Jealousy wants what someone else has. Envy is when you don't want someone else to have what you don't have.
[12:26] Pirate Russell: If a person is jealous, they already have what is desired but they are afraid of losing it.
[12:26] Pirate Russell: When you are feeling jealous, you are undergoing an emotional combination of anger, dependency, hurt, and self doubt. When you spend time focusing on what you are not, this is a result of insecurity.
[12:26] Pirate Russell: Sometimes when we are afraid of losing something, we actually cause it to happen because of our action
[12:27] Pirate Russell: Have a seat ***SB2***, we're under way
[12:27] Pirate Russell: All our thoughts and actions are centered around our fears and insecurities. This causes more fear and insecurity. These feelings cause other harmful feelings and may result in us indulging in self pity.
[12:27] Pirate Russell: What are some ways of dealing with jealousy?
[12:27] Pirate Russell: * Develop independence. We need to be sure we are not overly dependant on any one person. We need to focus on the good things we have and not on what we don't have.
[12:28] Pirate Russell: * Focus on developing more confidence and attractiveness. Sometimes something simple like getting our hair done or changing our style of clothing can help.
[12:28] Pirate Russell: Taking a course on self esteem or assertiveness is also beneficial.
[12:28] Pirate Russell: * Be honest with yourself. Sit down with paper and list things that are making you jealous. Look at it objectively. Are these things silly or trivial or are they really important?
[12:28] Pirate Russell: * Communicate with the person who is the object of your jealousy. Tell them your feelings. Is that person doing something that is causing you to be jealous? Letting them know can often help the problem.
[12:29] Pirate Russell: If this other person cares for you, they will work on changing the behavior that is adding to your jealousy. Being aware of your feelings can also help you cope better.
[12:29] Pirate Russell: Realize that jealousy shows your lack of self esteem and uncertainty of your own worth. Work on taking a really good self evaluation.
[12:29] Pirate Russell: This experience can be a wonderful learning opportunity for you. Work on communication with other people. Work on developing confidence.
[12:29] Pirate Russell: * Study your rival. Look closely at the person you are jealous about. What do you like and dislike about the person? Are his or her qualities beyond your abilities? Be sure you are not being unrealistic about that person. Are you seeing things as they
[12:30] Pirate Russell: Take control of your feelings. Terminate the relationship if nothing else seems to work. Take the time to concentrate on your own growth. Work at trying to understand and improve your relationship.
[12:30] Pirate Russell: * Do not overreact. Remember, most incidents are temporary so don't magnify what happened.
[12:30] Pirate Russell: Serious jealousy stems from a fear of loss, reputation, control of ourselves, our spouses, or relationships. Losing control of our emotions and feelings will only make things worse.
[12:30] Pirate Russell: Bad reactions to Jealousy can even cause legal problems. I spent almoust 7 years as a Public Safety Telecommunications Officer (Big words for 911 Dispatcher).
[12:31] Pirate Russell: Not one shift went by where I didn't deal with a seriuos domestic problem. Most, I'd wager, stemmed from jealousy. How many of us have read this in or local or national news media, "If I can't have him/her, then nobody can!" I've know that many people
[12:31] Pirate Russell: I, for one, don't want to be someplace I'm not wanted. That's not fun for Me!
[12:31] Pirate Russell: Likewise, I dont' force anyone, particularly My submissives to be with Me if they're not having fun.
[12:31] Pirate Russell: This is part of My Primary rule, that real life comes first, if you're not having fun, let's go do something that is, together or apart!
[12:31] Pirate Russell: I do get jealous sometimes. My girls have ***SB2***nificant others with whom they spend time. I INSIST that they do! One has a fiancee, one a girl friend, and another a girl of her own.
[12:32] Pirate Russell: I miss them when they're not around, I am envious of the time they spend away, but I want them to have fun.
[12:32] Pirate Russell: Knowing they're having fun makes it all ok for Me. I want My girls, My friends, My acquaintences, and even most of My enemies to have fun.
[12:32] Pirate Russell: By having other friends, they've places to go have fun when I'm alone with one of the other girls. Even when I'm alone with one, I envy the time that the others spend away.
[12:32] Pirate Russell: I'm going to close today with one of My very favorite quotes on the subject, by Robert A Heinlein,
[12:33] Pirate Russell: "Love" is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
[12:33] Pirate Russell: Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy."
[12:33] Pirate Russell: Citations:
[12:33] Pirate Russell: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jealousy
[12:33] Pirate Russell: http://www.allaboutlifechallenges.org/dealing-with-jealousy-faq.htm
[12:33] Pirate Russell: http://www.todays-woman.net/quoteid-2304.html
[12:33] Pirate Russell: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/r/robert_a_heinlein.html
[12:33] Pirate Russell: Questions???? Comments?
[12:34] ***AH***: very well thougth out and presented talk
[12:34] Pirate Russell: Thanks, I know good crap when I steal it! ;-)
[12:34] ***SB***: <<<~~~~~ does spit take on monitor bahahaha
[12:35] ***AH***: i would add that jeaulousy makes one weak
[12:35] ***AH***: and it is weakness that makes one unhappy
[12:35] ***AH***: so one way to combat jealousy is to be strong
[12:35] ***AH***: make strong choices
[12:35] ***AH***: decide to be strong
[12:35] Pirate Russell: True, and the strongest people I know are submissives, and even they have to push thru this
[12:36] ***AH***: no doubt about that--submissive doesn't mean weak
[12:36] ***SB***: Pirate, well said however there is a huge difference between "bedroom subbies" and rl subs
[12:36] Pirate Russell: Yes, or RL subs and SL subs, too
[12:36] ***AH***: now you have strayed from areas i have thought about
[12:36] Pirate Russell: most of My girls are RL sub
[12:37] Pirate Russell: One moment, ***AH***.
[12:37] Pirate Russell: Anyone have any other questions or comments about jealousy before we do the pantented "Pirate Stray"?
[12:37] ***LN***: Mistress?
[12:38] ***SB***: does this mean we wear eye patches and wooden legs?
[12:38] ***SB2***: cough, cough
[12:38] Pirate Russell: Miss is fine, Lilibet. And go ahead with your question
[12:38] ***LN***: Thank you, Miss
[12:38] Pirate Russell: no, but I am rated ARRRRRR
[12:38] ***DT***r: omfg
[12:38] ***SB***: rl giggles
[12:38] ***DT***r: lol
[12:38] ***LN***: I like that you talked about the difference between Envy and Jealousy
[12:38] ***SB2***: bettter R than X rated
[12:38] ***LN***: I will have to give that some thought
[12:39] Pirate Russell: Ok... there is a difference. WHen you're jealous, you already HAVE it! and are worried about losing it
[12:40] ***SB***: <<<~~~~~ watches the hamster wheel in Lilibets mind spin
[12:40] ***LN***: it goes round and round
[12:40] Pirate Russell: POOOR hamster, he's gonna wear his li'l legs off
[12:40] ***SB2***: (wondering if I had a gf named ***SB*** if I'd have to spell it every day?)
[12:41] Pirate Russell: Basically, if you're jealous, you're worried about losing it. Envy is not wanting someone to have what you don't.
[12:41] ***SB***: No But you might want to cut and paste when You Scream My Name LOL
[12:41] Pirate Russell would set up a gesture!
[12:41] ***LN***: Yes, Miss, thank you
[12:42] Pirate Russell: Ok, ***AH***, thanks, let's "Stray"!
[12:42] ***DT***r: Envy"...resentful longing aroused by anothers better fortune." from Oxford Dict
[12:42] ***AH***: fraid i'm not sure what you mean
[12:44] Pirate Russell: Yes, that's not the definition the writer used but it works. Basically you want what someone else has.
[12:44] ***SB2***: getting sleepy with the elevator music in the background
[12:45] Pirate Russell: So turn it off, and stream your own.
[12:45] ***SB2***: oops reads the land owner info.
[12:45] Pirate Russell grins
[12:46] ***DT***r: the wanting is better defined i think by coveting....but nop need to be pedantic, I think we understand the difference between envy and jaelousy
[12:46] ***ES***: I can be envious of another's toy but jealous if they want to take my toy.
[12:46] Pirate Russell: ***AH***?
[12:46] ***AH***: ummm
[12:47] Pirate Russell: Are we still confused?
[12:47] ***SB***: (shakes head, nope)
[12:47] ***LN***: No, Miss
[12:47] ***AH***: was i confused?
[12:47] Pirate Russell: Dunno, for sure, maybe it's just Me!
[12:47] ***AH***: jealousy will do that to a person
[12:48] ***ES***: Somebody can provoke jealousy in another. I have seen and experienced it.
[12:48] Pirate Russell: he he, okies... any more Jealousy questions?
[12:48] ***SB2***: very good Pirate
[12:49] Pirate Russell: Any other BDSM questions... he he
[12:49] Pirate Russell: Or maybe American Football? he he
[12:49] ***SB2***: by the way envy is considered a deadly sin like lust but jealousy is one one of them
[12:49] ***SB2***: oh those Catholics
[12:50] Pirate Russell: Yep, and so is "Lust", but that's why I'm in SL! he he
[12:50] ***DT***r: Wonders if Boldin will get his money?
[12:50] ***ES*** grins.
[12:50] ***AH***: i didn;t know there were deadly sins in sl
[12:50] Pirate Russell: Go to the Vatican City sim...
[12:51] ***SB2***: goes to show you how things change
[12:51] Pirate Russell: And I don't know if it's there, I was just kidding!
[12:51] ***SB2***: gluttony was one, if it was now , half of American would be damned.
[12:51] Pirate Russell is in that half
[12:52] ***AH***: got a feeling you're in three or four halfs
[12:52] ***AH***: ;;chuckles::
[12:52] Pirate Russell: Isn't Lust really just Sexual Gluttony?
[12:52] ***ES***: (BRB: walks self)
[12:52] ***SB2***: good point
[12:52] Pirate Russell: Anyway.....
[12:53] ***SB2***: going to make you walk a steel grate in those stilettos ***SB***, for tying my shoelace together under the table.
[12:54] ***DT***r: Lustis a desire for the Gluttony
[12:54] ***SB***: ......you'll have to catch me first, ***SB2***...............
[12:55] ***AH***: no-gluttony is a street carnamed desire
[12:55] Pirate Russell: He he
[12:55] Pirate Russell: Well, from the banter, it's seeming that class is over......