[12:13] Pirate Russell: Please take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[12:14] Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! As most of y'all know, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor. I have been in SL over 3 1/2 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[12:14] Pirate Russell: For any that need to leave early, all transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[12:14] Pirate Russell: And I know that ***KN*** won't belive it, but I'm totally caught up! he he
[12:15] Pirate Russell: hiya, ***PH*** and ***TR***, JUST starting
[12:15] ***PH***: good
[12:15] ***TR***: Hello :)
[12:15] ***PH***: hi
[12:15] ***KN***: mmhmm
[12:15] Pirate Russell: O/our topic today: The Repsonsibility of Dominance
[12:15] ***PH***: still all rezzing
[12:15] Pirate Russell: I would like to preface this with My usual, EVERY releationship is as different as those that are in it.
[12:15] ***EC***: Hi all newcomers
[12:15] Pirate Russell: I used to say the two that are in it, but relationships now include more than two, but I won't go so far as to include the occasional farm animal, though.
[12:15] Pirate Russell: Please take all cross talk to IM
[12:15] Pirate Russell: Dominants have responsibilities and, yes rules, too!
[12:16] Pirate Russell: The Highest Honour That A Dominant Could Ever Achieve Is The State Of Honour Itself. To Be Completely Respected And Trusted.
[12:16] Pirate Russell: There Are Some Definite Guidelines About Being A Dominant. With The Ever Growing Population Of "Chatrooms" There Appears To Be A Lot Of Confusion About The Dominants Role In The "Online" Lifestyle.
[12:16] Pirate Russell: The Foundation Of The Dominant Are Based On 3 Li'l Words:
[12:16] Pirate Russell: Trust
[12:16] Pirate Russell: Honour
[12:16] Pirate Russell: Respect
[12:16] Pirate Russell: Each Dominant Should Be Able To Display Chararistics Of These Words, Both "Online" As Well As Offline.
[12:16] Pirate Russell: The Power Exchange Is About Trust Can You Trust Someone Who Dismisses Your Feelings Even In An "Online" Relationship.
[12:17] Pirate Russell: Playing In Other Chats Or Instant Messengers, Secretly Accepting Other "submissives" All The While He Is Claiming He Is "Trustworthy"?
[12:17] Pirate Russell: Is It Acceptable For A Dominant To Hide "Online" Things From His submissive?
[12:17] ***PH***: players?
[12:17] Pirate Russell: Especially If They Plan On A Real Time Meeting Or Relationship? If They Hiding Things Here, Wonders What They are going to Hide From You RL.
[12:17] Strider Wisent: no
[12:18] ***PH***: players will be players :)
[12:18] Pirate Russell: One Of The Things A submissive Must Have Is The Confidence In Their Dominant Will Not Harm Them Nor Allow Harm To Come To Them.
[12:18] Pirate Russell: Trust Must Be Established. This Goes For The Mental Health As Well As The Physical Aspect Of The Relationship.
[12:18] Pirate Russell: Trust Will Grow As We Respect And Honour Each Other. Please Get To Know The Person You Are Considering To Be In A Relationship With.
[12:19] Pirate Russell: You Are Trusting Someone With The Most Precious Thing You Have...Your LIFE. You Can Quickly End Up In A Situation That Is Neither Safe, Sane, Nor Consensual.
[12:19] Pirate Russell: Can You Really Trust Your Life To Someone who Takes No Value Of The Words Trust, Honour & Respect?
[12:20] ***PH***: easy one - no
[12:20] Pirate Russell: you can if that's your kink, but not the most logical choice
[12:20] Pirate Russell: According to Rules for Masters by Jack Rinella <
[12:20] Pirate Russell: 1. Have some rules. Over time, of course, each one of us gains insight into what works and what doesn't. Some of this wisdom is codified into rules.
[12:20] Pirate Russell: Rules are protective, instructive, and helpful. Having rules means that you know yourself, know what you want and don't want, and understand that everyone, including yourself, has limits.
[12:20] Pirate Russell: I know some people think they have no limits. They are fooling themselves as we are all constrained by physical nature, economic considerations, legal issues, and moral and ethical realities.
[12:21] Pirate Russell: We are all limited by the rose colored glasses through which we see the world. Rules help us respect those limits and avoid the trouble that is encountered when we exceed them.
[12:21] Pirate Russell: 2. Make sure those rules are your rules. You can't (well you can if you want) just go out and find some rules and use them.
[12:21] Pirate Russell: Rules must take their life from who you are. Rules must reflect the authentic you. If they don't, they will be burdensome and unenforceable.
[12:21] Pirate Russell: Good rules, then, start from the first rule of life: "Know thyself." I guess I would then temper that with "Love, and then do whatever you will." That doesn't mean that you can't borrow or copy another's rules. By all means do so.
[12:21] Pirate Russell: There is no reason to reinvent the wheel. If Master so and so has a reason for doing something and you like it, then do it too. Just make sure the rules resonate with who you are and what you want.
[12:22] Pirate Russell: I can not be too strong in emphasizing the importance of the inner self in this arena of rule-making column.
[12:22] Pirate Russell: 3. Don't make brittle rules. Rules are helpful because they add clarity and facilitate decision making. Rules cut in stone become millstones and anchors.
[12:23] Pirate Russell: Now I have nothing against either of those things as we need to grind grain and anchor boats,
[12:23] Pirate Russell: but if you think you can run your dungeon, your slave, or your life by a set of rules that are set in concrete or carved in granite, then you are kidding yourself.
[12:23] Pirate Russell: Better than a long list of rules, one might have a list of principles, guidelines for action. Certainly they may lend themselves to codification, but the spirit of the principle is much more important than the letter of the law.
[12:24] Pirate Russell: The Sabbath, after all, was made for man, not man for the Sabbath. Besides, there are always going to be exceptions and no amount of rule writing is going to cover all the possibilities.
[12:24] Pirate Russell: 4. Communicate those rules. It's obvious that we need to communicate rules to slaves so that they obey them. The same goes for rules for ourselves.
[12:25] Pirate Russell: Over time, I tell my applicants my rules and explain why I have them. I won't, for instance, let a subissive write and talk endlessly.
[12:25] Pirate Russell: He has got to show up at my doorstep within 6-8 weeks of our initial meeting. Why? Because I'm not into cybersex.
[12:25] Pirate Russell: Are there exceptions? Sure. The date can be extended for lots of reasons, but the communication will be curtailed until the plane ticket is bought. It's simply a matter that if you're not ready, then please don't act like you are.
[12:26] Pirate Russell: Communicating your rules has some nice benefits.
[12:26] Pirate Russell: It shows you are in control, that you have an understanding of what you want and don't want, and that you've thought about being a Master.
[12:26] Pirate Russell: It also gives the submissive a sense of security to know that you have rules too, such as "I will not have un-safe sex." Now he knows he doesn't have to worry about one thing anyway.
[12:27] Pirate Russell: 5. Remember man, that thou art dust; or get real. These Doms who think the world revolves around them need to think again.
[12:27] Pirate Russell: Humility is a still a virtue, even in a person who wields great power. Being in control doesn't that mean that a person needs to be haughty, egotistical, or obnoxious.
[12:27] Pirate Russell: If you are truly a person born to rule, then you have no need to put on airs. Pretense smells. Honesty, sincerity, and generosity have quite a different odor about them.
[12:27] Pirate Russell: There's also a side of this rule that involves practicality. Your rules need to be pragmatic, workable, reasonable, measurable, and enforceable.
[12:28] Pirate Russell: If they aren't, they will be honored only in the breaking and you will be seen as living in a fantasy world. It's one thing, of course, to have a rule for a weekend scene, quite another to have a rule for living out the rest of your life.
[12:28] Pirate Russell: 6. Stay above it. Just because the world is going to hell in a hand basket is no reason for you to do the same. Have high standards and stick to them.
[12:28] Pirate Russell: 7. Set benchmarks and progress points. A person becomes a doctor through a long and arduous series of learning experiences and tests that prove the experiences have had their desired effect.
[12:28] Pirate Russell: Each passing grade through high school, college, and med school contributes to the eventual M.D. Each evaluation, and not any single one, grants a person his or her license to practice medicine.
[12:29] Pirate Russell: It is no different for plumbers, electricians, or anyone else who wishes to acquire skill and standing.
[12:29] Pirate Russell: As you evaluate prospective slaves, recognize that this is a process and note their success or failure at each step of the way.
[12:29] Pirate Russell: Too often we want to jump to a full-blown contract while what are required are small steps and a gradual process.
[12:30] Pirate Russell: Heat milk quickly and it scalds, heat it slowly and it comes out just right.
[12:30] Pirate Russell: Running evaluations are helpful to everyone. Rules, after all, are meant to be helpful, indicative of reality.
[12:30] Pirate Russell: 8. Don't talk it all to death. submissives, if you want no more than phone and cyber sex, then keep talking. If you want real leather, you have to get physical.
[12:31] Pirate Russell: We are, after all, trying to develop real relationships. If I'm never going to meet you, I'm never going to be your master. You can pretend all you want on the phone.
[12:31] Pirate Russell: It might even get you off. But one of my rules is that until you've shaken hands, you haven't met. Until I can look at you eye to eye, eat a meal with you, and hear your voice without the benefit of wires or radio waves, it's just a prelude and nothing mo
[12:31] Pirate Russell: re,
[12:31] Pirate Russell: 9. Take responsibility. First and foremost you, top or bottom, are responsible for the consequences of your actions. Recognize that fact. Act responsibly. You are the one, after all, who wants to be in control.
[12:32] Pirate Russell: 10. When a person says one thing and does another, I always listen to what they do. That advice has stood me in good stead. I hope it does the same for you.
[12:32] Pirate Russell: I'd like to wind up today's talk with the Seven Pillars of Dominance:
[12:32] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant is a ruler, but never a tyrant. But to rule requires understanding, and understanding requires humility.
[12:32] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant has pride, but never arrogance. But pride requires dignity, and dignity requires humility.
[12:33] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant commands respect, but never fear. But respect requires serenity, and serenity requires humility.
[12:33] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant employs strength, but never force. But strength requires knowledge, and knowledge requires humility.
[12:33] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant criticizes, but never derides. But criticism requires insight, and insight requires humility.
[12:33] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant receives, but never takes. But receiving requires giving, and giving requires humility.
[12:34] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant completes, but never tries to alter. But to complete one must be able to see what is there, not what is missing, and this most of all requires humility.
[12:34] Pirate Russell: In short, to use an archaic phrase, noblesse oblige.
[12:34] Pirate Russell: The Dictionnaire de l’Académie française defines it thus: "Whoever claims to be noble must conduct himself nobly."
[12:34] Pirate Russell: And the most important consideration. If a Dominant is the centre of a submissive's universe, it is because she thinks so, not because He does.
[12:35] Pirate Russell: No one is respected, let alone obeyed, just because. The truth of the matter is that owning is at least as much work as being owned.
[12:35] Pirate Russell: All transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[12:35] Pirate Russell: College of Kink classes Monday, Tuesday & Friday @ 12:00pm.
[12:35] Pirate Russell: Y/you could always check the Search/Events and look for College.
[12:35] Pirate Russell: Questions, Comments??
[12:36] Pirate Russell listens to the crickets.....
[12:36] ***TW***: lol
[12:37] ***TW***: i'm awake! I promise :)
[12:37] ***PH***: my 1st question out of all of it would be simple and nice one- and btw Pirate awsome stuff - i agree on most. WHY the frink doms have to SHOW their dominance to others- as their slaves/pets/subs needing to show themself as being lesser - to kneel to be nakid why is that so overflowing SL?
[12:37] ***PH***: here you go :)
[12:37] ***PH***: sub-dom is intimate
[12:37] ***PH***: well can be
[12:38] Pirate Russell: Because they are not true Dominants. They are Dom-a-be's!
[12:38] ***PH***: and why the those slaves are going elswhere - when masters are not awareare not aware -
[12:38] ***PH***: i love you!
[12:38] ***PH***: :)
[12:38] ***TR***: :)
[12:38] ***PH***: well like :)
[12:38] ***PH***: no but really
[12:38] ***PH***: ghawd
[12:38] Pirate Russell: They think they can slap a collar on you and fuck you, easier than finding a girl the 'right way'
[12:39] ***EC***: I kneel to show respect for my Master and because I want to, I like being at his feet
[12:39] ***TR***: only exception to that would be subs that like the public humiliation?
[12:39] ***KN***: or they're just guys, who want to see a naked body
[12:39] ***PH***: im not talking about you - you have dress on :)
[12:39] ***PH***: im talking about what u see going on in SL
[12:39] ***EC***: Bermuda shorts actually {wink}
[12:40] Pirate Russell: I agree, mostly it's males, but I've seen bad dommes, too
[12:40] ***PH***: bitches are worse
[12:40] Pirate Russell likes naked bodies, too!
[12:40] ***PH***: its not being a dom is being mostly offensive and abusive cause they cant do it 'at home'
[12:40] ***TW***: I think that SL is a safe place for people to learn and play. Some get mixed up with a bad dom/me.
[12:41] ***PH***: LEARN :) all for it
[12:41] ***PH***: play TOO
[12:41] ***TW***: They go off of what vanilla people see as the stereo type for a d/s relationship
[12:41] Pirate Russell: Bad Dom's are why I took this job.
[12:41] ***PH***: utopist
[12:41] ***TR***: :D
[12:41] ***PH***: :)
[12:41] Pirate Russell: I'd spend HOURS each week, doing interventions.
[12:41] ***PH***: we all are good already
[12:41] ***TW***: and they think that they are supposed to do whatever he/she says
[12:41] ***TW***: and just follow blindly
[12:41] Pirate Russell: The fact that y'all are here, shows me that you're doing it the right way
[12:41] ***TR***: isn't the interventions needed where the true nature doesn't live anyway?
[12:41] ***PH***: good sub has their own mind
[12:41] ***PH***: and challenges dom
[12:42] ***PH***: so its up to a sub too
[12:42] ***EC***: a good sub is the one that is often in control
[12:42] Pirate Russell: the first thing I teach subs is to say... "I'm a submissive, but not YOUR submissive!"
[12:42] ***TW***: yes - i agree - anyone that doesn't recognize the power that a sub holds - isn't really ready for a d/s relationship
[12:42] Pirate Russell: Last week's class, which is up on the blog, was submissive rights
[12:42] ***PH***: im a submissive because i like it so it is my free will - more like it
[12:43] Pirate Russell: Especially in SL, if***TW*** was mine, and I pissed her off, she could take off My collar, mute me, ban Me from her lands, and not a damn thing I could do about it!
[12:43] ***TR***: Maybe it's just me and I'm strange (yes) but for me, being Dom is about "taking care"... and caring
[12:43] Pirate Russell: And file abuse reports every time I was in the same sim!
[12:43] ***PH***: yeah but subs still need to listen and obey :( sumtimes
[12:44] ***TW***: lol - true Pirate
[12:44] ***TW***: and - yes - I like your kind of strange then ***TR***
[12:44] ***PH***: agrees
[12:44] Pirate Russell: Oh, yes, ***TR***, My girls are pets first, and some are pain slut's too, others are whores, some just like to stay and be cuddled!
[12:44] ***EC***: I love to feel safe and secure with my Master, He looks after me
[12:44] ***EC***: my emotional wellbeing
[12:44] ***TW***: I have heard it said more than once - and i believe it to be true
[12:45] Pirate Russell: Those rules and boundries that he talked about in the talk I shamelessly stole
[12:45] ***TW***: that truly good doms - were first truly good subs
[12:45] ***PH***: what about reverse - being curious @Teague
[12:45] Pirate Russell: Most, not all,***TW***... I've never been a sub
[12:45] ***TR***: it's not so strange in a world where we are forcibly controlled and have to be strong and in our own control - to be glad to leave the control to someone you trust, and almost... give the responsability away
[12:45] Pirate Russell: And I have compliments up the ying yang, from 'one dungeon stands'
[12:46] ***TW***: there are wonderful exceptions to every rule, Mistress :)
[12:46] Pirate Russell: The strongest people I know are submissives, they CAN give the gift of themselves, I cannot!
[12:46] ***PH***: u didnt find nice dom orr you dont want to :)
[12:46] Pirate Russell will keep***TW*** after class!! ;-)
[12:46] ***TW***: hehe - promises, promises, Mistress....
[12:47] ***EC***: I have met a lot of Dom/mes in SL, but I have only connected with two
[12:47] Pirate Russell:***TW***, SEE ME IN MY OFFICE, AFTER CLASS! he he
[12:47] ***TW***: *smiles* Yes, Mistress
[12:47] ***TW***: lol
[12:48] ***TW***: Seriously - though - I am very new to d/s and this lifestyle
[12:48] ***TW***: I have gone to many classes
[12:48] Pirate Russell: all kidding aside, thre is NOTHING so true, as that line, "If you're the center of her universe, it's cuz she thinks so, not because you do"
[12:48] ***PH***: sub / dom is the most intimate you can get with yourself
[12:48] ***PH***: you probably found that that ticks you- and you want to explore
[12:48] Pirate Russell: yes, you give YOURSELF to him.
[12:48] Pirate Russell: er Him
[12:49] ***TR***: :D
[12:49] Pirate Russell: what greater gift is there?
[12:49] ***EC***: if he doesn't feel like the centre of my universe the connection isn't right, time for me to get my coat!
[12:49] ***PH***: and that is great - because u opened yourself to possibilities
[12:49] Pirate Russell: Other than a child....
[12:49] ***PH***: the worst thing that you could do is loose your mind/logic in it
[12:49] Pirate Russell: Or to make sure he IS that center, and that you show him.
[12:49] ***PH***: or yourself
[12:49] ***TW***: and what i seem to see over and over - is that a truly healthy relationship is one in which the dom completely puts the needs of the sub first.... and the sub puts the needs of the dom first.
[12:49] ***PH***: be you
[12:50] ***PH***: that is every relationship***TW*** :)
[12:50] ***PH***: every healthy one!
[12:50] ***TR***: that's beautifully said
[12:50] Pirate Russell:***TW***, that isn't just in D/s relationships... Every Marriage SHOULD be like that
[12:50] ***PH***: marriage ? :)
[12:50] ***PH***: relationship :)
[12:50] ***TW***: i agree that it SHOULD
[12:50] ***PH***: ow partnership
[12:50] ***TW***: just isn't always
[12:50] ***TW***: brb
[12:51] ***PH***: well you still are the dom of your pixels and your flesh and your life
[12:51] Pirate Russell: One of the BEST quotes in the world...
[12:51] Pirate Russell: "Love" is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own... Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy.
Robert A. Heinlein
[12:51] ***PH***: hawg for that
[12:51] ***PH***: +h
[12:52] Pirate Russell: "The happines of another is esential to your own..."!
[12:52] ***PH***: that could be portrayed as a need expecially with 'vagina ppl'
[12:52] ***PH***: love is unconditional
[12:52] ***TR***: I feel that way in Love, strongly
[12:52] ***PH***: that means u have trust and respect :)
[12:53] ***PH***: and all
[12:53] ***PH***: but once more we are different :)
[12:53] Pirate Russell: And Honour (British spelling for ***EC***)
[12:53] ***PH***: :)
[12:53] ***EC***: LOL thank you Miss
[12:53] ***PH***: honour comes from that 2
[12:54] Pirate Russell: One of my girls is from Birmingham
[12:54] Pirate Russell: not Michigan or Alabama, either!
[12:54] ***EC***: north of me Miss
[12:54] Pirate Russell: Anyway......
[12:54] ***BB***: {smiles} As for me, I was reluctant.. I didn't accept the labels at first. I only know that I feel honored by what she offers me, sometimes humbled.. and I have no care for whether or not I'm considered a good dom, or a wanna-be or even a dom at all. I am a compilation of my actions.. and it is she that makes me worthy or not.
[12:55] ***PH***: mhm
[12:55] ***PH*** agrees
[12:55] ***TR***: wow ***BB***
[12:55] ***EC*** blushes
[12:55] ***TR***: good one
[12:55] Pirate Russell: We all are, how do you think I got to be The Preeminent Polyamorous Lesbian Alpha Bitch Domme of SL ™?
[12:55] ***EC***: see why I love this man???? sigh
[12:55] Pirate Russell: Do you think I just made that up?
[12:55] ***PH***: you can be
[12:55] Pirate Russell: Ok, I did... he he
[12:56] ***BB***: sheer numbers?? chuckles
[12:56] ***PH***: nah prolly someone called you that:)
[12:56] ***TR***: We bow to your title, oh great One :)
[12:56] Pirate Russell: LOL, anyway, we're all defined by our actions and words. RL, SL, and Third Life!
[12:56] ***PH***: thoughts and emotions to ourselves
[12:56] ***BB***: You sound like a Texan to me..
[12:57] Pirate Russell has lived there courtesy of a rich uncle..... Uncle Sam, USAF stationed in Abliene
[12:57] ***PH***: u for my sake can define what you want our of me (having you as an example Miss) but that doesnt define me :)
[12:57] ***BB***: {grins} I thought as much
[12:57] ***PH***: what i feel with that and how i feel it defines me
[12:58] Pirate Russell: Well, looking at the same behaviour, I have some respect Me, and others deride Me for being a Mistress and into D/s
[12:58] ***PH***: so what then?
[12:58] ***PH***: :)
[12:58] ***PH***: what do you feel about yourself?
[12:58] Pirate Russell: So just cuz you do good, doesn't mean that you are perceived as good.
[12:59] Pirate Russell: I KNOW I'm good, and as long as I convince those I Love, and those that Love Me..... BINGO!
[12:59] ***PH***: exactly
[12:59] ***PH***: how you percieve yourself (and we are talking you knowing yourself and know exactly what is good/bad)
[12:59] Pirate Russell: And to a lesser extent, y'all, I at least have respect, cuz you've sat here for an hour listening to Me rant!
[13:00] ***PH***: that makes you good dom/sub
[13:00] Pirate Russell: and that takes... humility!
[13:00] Pirate Russell: LOL
[13:00] ***EC***: Thank you for a very informative talk Miss
[13:00] Pirate Russell: Ahh, I guess you're leaving ,then?
[13:00] ***BB***: {bows to mistress} I very much appreciate your expertise mistress} I will consider your words more in quiet
[13:01] Pirate Russell: Guess I should dismiss class then, since y'all are jumping up and running?
[13:01] Strider Wisent: you've given me things to think about too - thanks
[13:01] ***TW***: back
[13:01] ***TW***: did i miss all the good stuff?
[13:01] Pirate Russell: umm.. ok, I USED to be in charge, but....
[13:01] ***PH***: welcome back (you can read it)
[13:01] ***PH***: :D
[13:01] ***BB***: Good day all.
[13:02] ***EC***: hope to see you all again soon, bye
[13:03] ***TR***: bbye
[13:03] ***PH***: i need to have a bath or shower &eat
[13:03] ***PH***: not at the same time
[13:03] ***PH***: although
[13:03] ***PH***: jeeez
[13:03] ***PH***: :)
[13:03] ***TR***: hehe
[13:03] Pirate Russell: Next time you leave in mid class, please just go, don't make an interruption, ok, ***PH***?
[13:03] ***PH***: did i ?
[13:04] ***PH***: of course its okay
[13:04] ***TW***: just read everything
[13:04] ***TW***: ***BB*** is a friend of mine - and very well-spoken
[13:04] ***TW***: i think highly of him
[13:04] Pirate Russell: yes, he is, as do I!
[13:07] Pirate Russell: Class dismissed
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