[2009/07/17 12:21] Pirate Russell: Ok, T/those that will, please turn off any radars, MystiTools, etc.
[2009/07/17 12:22] Pirate Russell: Please take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[2009/07/17 12:22] Pirate Russell: And if you need to leave, please just TP quietly, don't disrupt class
[2009/07/17 12:22] Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! As most of y'all know, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor. I have been in SL over 3 1/2 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[2009/07/17 12:22] Pirate Russell: For any that need to leave early, all transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2009/07/17 12:23] Pirate Russell: O/our topic today: The Repsonsibility of Dominance
[2009/07/17 12:23] Pirate Russell: I would like to preface this with My usual, EVERY releationship is as different as those that are in it.
[2009/07/17 12:23] Pirate Russell: I used to say the two that are in it, but relationships now include more than two, but I won't go so far as to include the occasional farm animal, though.
[2009/07/17 12:23] ***SS*** giggles
[2009/07/17 12:23] Pirate Russell: Dominants have responsibilities and, yes rules, too!
[2009/07/17 12:24] Pirate Russell: The Highest Honour That A Dominant Could Ever Achieve Is The State Of Honour Itself. To Be Completely Respected And Trusted.
[2009/07/17 12:24] Pirate Russell: There Are Some Definite Guidelines About Being A Dominant. With The Ever Growing Population Of "Chatrooms" There Appears To Be A Lot Of Confusion About The Dominants Role In The "Online" Lifestyle.
[2009/07/17 12:24] Pirate Russell: The Foundation Of The Dominant Are Based On 3 Li'l Words:
[2009/07/17 12:24] Pirate Russell: Trust
[2009/07/17 12:24] Pirate Russell: Honour
[2009/07/17 12:25] Pirate Russell: Respect
[2009/07/17 12:25] Pirate Russell: Each Dominant Should Be Able To Display Chararistics Of These Words, Both "Online" As Well As Offline.
[2009/07/17 12:25] Pirate Russell: The Power Exchange Is About Trust Can You Trust Someone Who Dismisses Your Feelings Even In An "Online" Relationship.
[2009/07/17 12:25] Pirate Russell: Playing In Other Chats Or Instant Messengers, Secretly Accepting Other "submissives" All The While He Is Claiming He Is "Trustworthy"?
[2009/07/17 12:25] Pirate Russell: Is It Acceptable For A Dominant To Hide "Online" Things From His submissive?
[2009/07/17 12:25] Pirate Russell: Especially If They Plan On A Real Time Meeting Or Relationship? If They Hiding Things Here, Wonders What They are going to Hide From You RL.
[2009/07/17 12:26] Pirate Russell: One Of The Things A submissive Must Have Is The Confidence In Their Dominant Will Not Harm Them Nor Allow Harm To Come To Them.
[2009/07/17 12:26] Pirate Russell: Trust Must Be Established. This Goes For The Mental Health As Well As The Physical Aspect Of The Relationship.
[2009/07/17 12:26] Pirate Russell: Trust Will Grow As We Respect And Honour Each Other. Please Get To Know The Person You Are Considering To Be In A Relationship With.
[2009/07/17 12:27] Pirate Russell: You Are Trusting Someone With The Most Precious Thing You Have...Your LIFE. You Can Quickly End Up In A Situation That Is Neither Safe, Sane, Nor Consensual.
[2009/07/17 12:27] Pirate Russell: Can You Really Trust Your Life To Someone who Takes No Value Of The Words Trust, Honour & Respect?
[2009/07/17 12:27] Pirate Russell: According to Rules for Masters by Jack Rinella <
[2009/07/17 12:27] Pirate Russell: 1. Have some rules. Over time, of course, each one of us gains insight into what works and what doesn't. Some of this wisdom is codified into rules.
[2009/07/17 12:27] Pirate Russell: Rules are protective, instructive, and helpful. Having rules means that you know yourself, know what you want and don't want, and understand that everyone, including yourself, has limits.
[2009/07/17 12:28] Pirate Russell: I know some people think they have no limits. They are fooling themselves as we are all constrained by physical nature, economic considerations, legal issues, and moral and ethical realities.
[2009/07/17 12:28] Pirate Russell: We are all limited by the rose colored glasses through which we see the world. Rules help us respect those limits and avoid the trouble that is encountered when we exceed them.
[2009/07/17 12:28] Pirate Russell: 2. Make sure those rules are your rules. You can't (well you can if you want) just go out and find some rules and use them.
[2009/07/17 12:28] Pirate Russell: Rules must take their life from who you are. Rules must reflect the authentic you. If they don't, they will be burdensome and unenforceable.
[2009/07/17 12:28] Pirate Russell: Good rules, then, start from the first rule of life: "Know thyself." I guess I would then temper that with "Love, and then do whatever you will." That doesn't mean that you can't borrow or copy another's rules. By all means do so.
[2009/07/17 12:29] Pirate Russell: There is no reason to reinvent the wheel. If Master so and so has a reason for doing something and you like it, then do it too. Just make sure the rules resonate with who you are and what you want.
[2009/07/17 12:29] Pirate Russell: I can not be too strong in emphasizing the importance of the inner self in this arena of rule-making column.
[2009/07/17 12:29] Pirate Russell: 3. Don't make brittle rules. Rules are helpful because they add clarity and facilitate decision making. Rules cut in stone become millstones and anchors.
[2009/07/17 12:29] Pirate Russell: Now I have nothing against either of those things as we need to grind grain and anchor boats,
[2009/07/17 12:30] Pirate Russell: but if you think you can run your dungeon, your slave, or your life by a set of rules that are set in concrete or carved in granite, then you are kidding yourself.
[2009/07/17 12:30] Pirate Russell: Better than a long list of rules, one might have a list of principles, guidelines for action. Certainly they may lend themselves to codification, but the spirit of the principle is much more important than the letter of the law.
[2009/07/17 12:30] Pirate Russell: The Sabbath, after all, was made for man, not man for the Sabbath. Besides, there are always going to be exceptions and no amount of rule writing is going to cover all the possibilities.
[2009/07/17 12:31] Pirate Russell: Unless you're the US Congress... h ehe
[2009/07/17 12:31] Pirate Russell: 4. Communicate those rules. It's obvious that we need to communicate rules to slaves so that they obey them. The same goes for rules for ourselves.
[2009/07/17 12:31] Pirate Russell: Over time, I tell my applicants my rules and explain why I have them. I won't, for instance, let a subissive write and talk endlessly.
[2009/07/17 12:31] Pirate Russell: He has got to show up at my doorstep within 6-8 weeks of our initial meeting. Why? Because I'm not into cybersex.
[2009/07/17 12:31] Pirate Russell: ((Remember this is a RL Dom, not Me... he he))
[2009/07/17 12:31] Pirate Russell: Are there exceptions? Sure. The date can be extended for lots of reasons, but the communication will be curtailed until the plane ticket is bought. It's simply a matter that if you're not ready, then please don't act like you are.
[2009/07/17 12:32] Pirate Russell: Communicating your rules has some nice benefits.
[2009/07/17 12:32] Pirate Russell: It shows you are in control, that you have an understanding of what you want and don't want, and that you've thought about being a Master.
[2009/07/17 12:32] Pirate Russell: It also gives the submissive a sense of security to know that you have rules too, such as "I will not have un-safe sex." Now he knows he doesn't have to worry about one thing anyway.
[2009/07/17 12:32] Pirate Russell: 5. Remember man, that thou art dust; or get real. These Doms who think the world revolves around them need to think again.
[2009/07/17 12:32] Pirate Russell: One more thing on communication.
[2009/07/17 12:33] Pirate Russell: If you don't ask for what you want (ie. by putting stuff in the rules), how will a subby, especially in SL, know what you want or expect?
[2009/07/17 12:33] Pirate Russell: Humility is a still a virtue, even in a person who wields great power. Being in control doesn't that mean that a person needs to be haughty, egotistical, or obnoxious.
[2009/07/17 12:34] Pirate Russell: If you are truly a person born to rule, then you have no need to put on airs. Pretense smells. Honesty, sincerity, and generosity have quite a different odor about them.
[2009/07/17 12:34] Pirate Russell: There's also a side of this rule that involves practicality. Your rules need to be pragmatic, workable, reasonable, measurable, and enforceable.
[2009/07/17 12:34] Pirate Russell: If they aren't, they will be honored only in the breaking and you will be seen as living in a fantasy world. It's one thing, of course, to have a rule for a weekend scene, quite another to have a rule for living out the rest of your life.
[2009/07/17 12:34] Pirate Russell: 6. Stay above it. Just because the world is going to hell in a hand basket is no reason for you to do the same. Have high standards and stick to them.
[2009/07/17 12:35] Pirate Russell: 7. Set benchmarks and progress points. A person becomes a doctor through a long and arduous series of learning experiences and tests that prove the experiences have had their desired effect.
[2009/07/17 12:35] Pirate Russell: Each passing grade through high school, college, and med school contributes to the eventual M.D. Each evaluation, and not any single one, grants a person his or her license to practice medicine.
[2009/07/17 12:35] Pirate Russell: It is no different for plumbers, electricians, or anyone else who wishes to acquire skill and standing.
[2009/07/17 12:35] Pirate Russell: As you evaluate prospective slaves, recognize that this is a process and note their success or failure at each step of the way.
[2009/07/17 12:36] Pirate Russell: Too often we want to jump to a full-blown contract while what are required are small steps and a gradual process.
[2009/07/17 12:36] Pirate Russell: Heat milk quickly and it scalds, heat it slowly and it comes out just right.
[2009/07/17 12:36] Pirate Russell: Running evaluations are helpful to everyone. Rules, after all, are meant to be helpful, indicative of reality.
[2009/07/17 12:37] Pirate Russell: 8. Don't talk it all to death. submissives, if you want no more than phone and cyber sex, then keep talking. If you want real leather, you have to get physical.
[2009/07/17 12:37] Pirate Russell: We are, after all, trying to develop real relationships. If I'm never going to meet you, I'm never going to be your master. You can pretend all you want on the phone.
[2009/07/17 12:37] Pirate Russell: It might even get you off. But one of my rules is that until you've shaken hands, you haven't met. Until I can look at you eye to eye, eat a meal with you, and hear your voice without the benefit of wires or radio waves, it's just a prelude and nothing mo
[2009/07/17 12:37] Pirate Russell: 9. Take responsibility. First and foremost you, top or bottom, are responsible for the consequences of your actions. Recognize that fact. Act responsibly. You are the one, after all, who wants to be in control.
[2009/07/17 12:38] Pirate Russell: 10. When a person says one thing and does another, I always listen to what they do. That advice has stood me in good stead. I hope it does the same for you.
[2009/07/17 12:38] Pirate Russell: I'd like to wind up today's talk with the Seven Pillars of Dominance:
[2009/07/17 12:38] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant is a ruler, but never a tyrant. But to rule requires understanding, and understanding requires humility.
[2009/07/17 12:38] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant has pride, but never arrogance. But pride requires dignity, and dignity requires humility.
[2009/07/17 12:39] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant commands respect, but never fear. But respect requires serenity, and serenity requires humility.
[2009/07/17 12:39] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant employs strength, but never force. But strength requires knowledge, and knowledge requires humility.
[2009/07/17 12:39] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant criticizes, but never derides. But criticism requires insight, and insight requires humility.
[2009/07/17 12:39] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant receives, but never takes. But receiving requires giving, and giving requires humility.
[2009/07/17 12:39] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant completes, but never tries to alter. But to complete one must be able to see what is there, not what is missing, and this most of all requires humility.
[2009/07/17 12:40] Pirate Russell: In short, to use an archaic phrase, noblesse oblige.
[2009/07/17 12:40] Pirate Russell: The Dictionnaire de l’Académie française defines it thus: "Whoever claims to be noble must conduct himself nobly."
[2009/07/17 12:41] Pirate Russell: And the most important consideration. If a Dominant is the centre of a submissive's universe, it is because she thinks so, not because He does.
[2009/07/17 12:41] Pirate Russell: No one is respected, let alone obeyed, just because. The truth of the matter is that owning is at least as much work as being owned.
[2009/07/17 12:41] Pirate Russell: All transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2009/07/17 12:41] Pirate Russell: College of Kink classes Monday, Tuesday & Friday @ 12:00pm.
[2009/07/17 12:42] Pirate Russell: Y/you could always check the Search/Events and look for College.
[2009/07/17 12:42] ***SS*** applauds
[2009/07/17 12:42] ***SS***: thank you Miss
[2009/07/17 12:42] Pirate Russell: Questions, Comments??
[2009/07/17 12:42] ***LC***: I have one if you don't mind
[2009/07/17 12:43] Pirate Russell: Absolutely!
[2009/07/17 12:43] Pirate Russell: This is My fave part of the class, I get to learn from y'all!
[2009/07/17 12:43] ***LC***: last night my sub out of no where say to me he LOVE ME what do i do with that?
[2009/07/17 12:44] Pirate Russell: Well, that's a toughie, cuz I'm IN Love with My girls.....
[2009/07/17 12:44] ***SS***: with respect, I would consider it a gift
[2009/07/17 12:44] ***SS***: a slave/sub should love her/his Master/Mistress
[2009/07/17 12:44] ***LC***: :)
[2009/07/17 12:44] Pirate Russell: at the very least, he likes what you do to him!
[2009/07/17 12:44] ***LC***: ty
[2009/07/17 12:45] Pirate Russell: Remember, you want submissives to do what you want them to, because *THEY WANT TO DO IT*!
[2009/07/17 12:45] Pirate Russell: If they love you, you got that battle won!
[2009/07/17 12:46] ***LC***: ty
[2009/07/17 12:47] Pirate Russell: Like I said, "You're the centre of his universe, cuz he thinks so, not because YOU do!"
[2009/07/17 12:47] ***SS*** nods
[2009/07/17 12:48] Pirate Russell: Ok, who's next, anyone else?
[2009/07/17 12:49] Pirate Russell: Going once?
[2009/07/17 12:49] ***JN***: i am curous will you be doing a class on the ethics and morality of the Dom / Domme some time soon
[2009/07/17 12:49] Pirate Russell: yes...
[2009/07/17 12:49] Pirate Russell: Hmmm...
[2009/07/17 12:50] Pirate Russell: Good one!
[2009/07/17 12:50] Pirate Russell: This sounds bad, but.... I'll have to do some research on that, I'm away next fri and Monday, so it'll be august at the earliest
[2009/07/17 12:51] ***JN***: aint no rush like i said i was curious seems many skip those points
[2009/07/17 12:51] Pirate Russell: Next Monday, I'm doing exhibitionism and voyeurism, then we'll have a Tuesday class at noon, then nothing 'till the following Tues
[2009/07/17 12:51] Pirate Russell: Something I've missed, actually, I will look into it, for ya
[2009/07/17 12:51] ***SS***: rats, wish I didn't have to work on Monday
[2009/07/17 12:52] ***SS***: those are two of my primary kinks
[2009/07/17 12:52] ***SS***: lol
[2009/07/17 12:52] ***JN***: thank you
[2009/07/17 12:52] Pirate Russell: Now, sweet, it gets worse....... I use visual aids!
[2009/07/17 12:52] ***SS***: ohh
[2009/07/17 12:52] ***SS***: yummy
[2009/07/17 12:52] ***SS***: feel free to use the piccie I gave ya
[2009/07/17 12:52] ***SS*** giggles
[2009/07/17 12:52] Pirate Russell: he he
[2009/07/17 12:52] ***DT***: <--has lots of mirrors ...i guess i am both
[2009/07/17 12:53] ***SS*** grins at Derek
[2009/07/17 12:53] Pirate Russell: Only if you walk around naked! LOL
[2009/07/17 12:53] ***JN***: i am neither lol
[2009/07/17 12:53] Pirate Russell: I'm gonna close class with My favorite BDSM joke!
[2009/07/17 12:53] ***DT***: not always lookin like this Pirate...at home it de rigeur
[2009/07/17 12:53] ***SS***: naked is good
[2009/07/17 12:53] Pirate Russell: he he
[2009/07/17 12:53] ***SS***: hehe same here
[2009/07/17 12:53] Pirate Russell: A masochist walked up to a sadist and said, "Hurt me".
[2009/07/17 12:54] Pirate Russell: The Sadist said, "No!" and walked away
[2009/07/17 12:54] ***SS***: lol
[2009/07/17 12:54] ***SS***: agg I'd die
[2009/07/17 12:54] ***JN***: lol
[2009/07/17 12:54] ***DT***: lol
[2009/07/17 12:54] ***LC***: lo.l
[2009/07/17 12:54] Pirate Russell: Class dismissed, for all the missed the start, it'll be up at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2009/07/17 12:55] ***SS***: thank you!
[2009/07/17 12:55] Pirate Russell: eep... all that missed the start
[2009/07/17 12:55] ***DT***: bows head hiding
[2009/07/17 12:55] ***LC***: thank you
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