[2009/06/08 12:10] Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! As most of y'all know, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor. I have been in SL for 3 1/2 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[2009/06/08 12:11] rommie Vesta accepted your inventory offer.
[2009/06/08 12:12] Pirate Russell: have a seat, ***TK*** just starting
[2009/06/08 12:12] Pirate Russell: For any that need to leave early, all transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2009/06/08 12:12] ***TK***: Thank you ((Rezzing))
[2009/06/08 12:12] Pirate Russell: Today's class is "When Should a submissive say 'No' "
[2009/06/08 12:12] Pirate Russell: Many situations come up in BDSM, both RL and in SL, that can be potentially dangerous if not done competently and correctly. In both, negotiation before, and communication during and after is paramount.
[2009/06/08 12:13] Pirate Russell: Today We are addressing the communication side of this primarily.
[2009/06/08 12:13] Pirate Russell: As a submissive you've given most or all of the control over to the Dominant when a scene starts.
[2009/06/08 12:13] Pirate Russell: Unfortunately... sometimes the Dominant is not always as careful or knowledgeable as a boy or girl might hope. And mistakes do happen.
[2009/06/08 12:13] Pirate Russell: Yes, the word, "No", itself is very negative to some and for some Dominants is a starndard rule to never be used. So, let's start with that.
[2009/06/08 12:14] Pirate Russell: Saying the word 'NO' is not the primary focus, but the reasons a submissive would need or want to say no, no matter how it is put into words.
[2009/06/08 12:14] Pirate Russell: As respect is very key within a D/s relationship, am sure that most D/s relationships will have a knowledge or rule on how to GO ABOUT saying "No'.
[2009/06/08 12:14] Pirate Russell: The question of should a submissive say 'NO' begins with HOW a submissive should say no if the need arises.
[2009/06/08 12:15] Pirate Russell: See!
[2009/06/08 12:15] Pirate Russell: "Please, Mistress,
[2009/06/08 12:15] Pirate Russell: Also to the submissives, I would like to explain that simply saying 'NO' also does not help from the standpoint that there is no real communication by just saying 'NO' without an explanation.
[2009/06/08 12:16] Pirate Russell: you chose to be their submissive, and should learn how to communicate best with your Dominant.
[2009/06/08 12:16] Pirate Russell: 'NO' can be taken as rebellion, a challenge and disrespectful. Often times, is disregarded in urgency because it IS lacking real communication.
[2009/06/08 12:16] Pirate Russell: Traffic light safewords (red for full stop, yellow for caution) seem to help cover some of these circumstances. Then you can scream 'no' all you like. ;-)
[2009/06/08 12:17] Pirate Russell: No matter the form of address, yes a submissive has a right to say no, BUT in whatever form is best to address it with their Dominant, if the word itself is denied, but ALWAYS include communication.
[2009/06/08 12:17] Pirate Russell: Yes, I said the "C" word EARLY this week! ie: "Please, Mistress, No. That is breaching girl's limit" or "Please, Mistress, No, that is hurting too much.
[2009/06/08 12:18] Pirate Russell: I would also like to point out that using safewords is important in times of danger. include that in your statement to stop a scene or to open communication, so that the plea is NOT taken as part of the scene. This is part of safe, sane, and consensual.
[2009/06/08 12:18] Pirate Russell: Some of us like to push limits and may not know ahead of time what we can handle, playing with limits is intense, and haphazard communication strategies are dangerous if you're going that far.
[2009/06/08 12:18] Pirate Russell: A Dominant should ask the submissive often during a scene how they are doing, especially if speaking is forbidden, and especially if the submissives is in sub-space!
[2009/06/08 12:19] Pirate Russell: Green is "great, keep going, Master/Mistress!"
[2009/06/08 12:19] Pirate Russell: Yellow is "am uncomfortable or unsure, maybe need to slow down, Master/Mistress."
[2009/06/08 12:19] Pirate Russell: Red is "STOP & RELEASE" PERIOD. and open the communication!
[2009/06/08 12:19] Pirate Russell: If gagged, use a bell PLEASE. Green is 3 rings Yellow is 2 rings Red is 1 ring **why this order? because in panic or pain....one ring may be all one can muster!
[2009/06/08 12:20] Pirate Russell: Even in SL, when people are in deep RP....this can be used.
[2009/06/08 12:20] Pirate Russell: There are many dominants that refuse safe words even....and that is one of the priorities of awareness in the saying no
[2009/06/08 12:20] Pirate Russell: have a seat, and please take all collar commands to the secondary channels
[2009/06/08 12:21] Pirate Russell: Personally, any Dominant that refuses a safe word, or refuses open communication, even in a Total Power Exchange relationship, is NOT a true dominant and does not care for their submissives or their safety.
[2009/06/08 12:21] Pirate Russell: Even when gagged, a submissive should have a SOUND signal to alert the Dominant that the submissive is in danger. Eye or hand signals are NOT enough. Remember the bell. Even when the hands are bound. BUT that is ANOTHER class *giggles*
[2009/06/08 12:21] Pirate Russell: If there is a real need to stop through any reason, a safeword really is the thing to say which should be followed by discussion about how the slave is.
[2009/06/08 12:22] Pirate Russell: This should include what did the Dominant do wrong or what the submissive experienced to cause the stoppage of the scene.
[2009/06/08 12:22] Pirate Russell: It isn't always the Dominant in the wrong, it is sometimes something personal with the submissive. Limits can change, do change!
[2009/06/08 12:22] Pirate Russell: If a submissive is in IMMEDIATE danger or their limits are being breached, they should be able to say NO in whatever shape or form that it needs to be spoken.
[2009/06/08 12:23] Pirate Russell: The absence of a willingness to have a safeword or to dicuss it may be a very useful indicator for any sub when considering a potential Dominant
[2009/06/08 12:23] Pirate Russell: Especially in SL, a sub CAN deny their Master/Mistresses wish, however it is not constructive to just refuse without an explaination
[2009/06/08 12:24] Pirate Russell: Neither a submissive nor a Dominant should do anything, just because one or the other like to do it, if that behavior is highly unsafe.
[2009/06/08 12:24] Pirate Russell: The mental or physical health of either or both individuals is being or might be harmed. THIS situation demands then to proceed to stopping a scene, questioning and discussing.
[2009/06/08 12:24] Pirate Russell: Sometimes just questioning will be enough to clear things up and the scene can progress to a great ending.
[2009/06/08 12:25] Pirate Russell: Or maybe a .... wait for it.... Happy Ending
[2009/06/08 12:25] Pirate Russell: Mistakes happen though, a rope might twist in a squirm and cut off circulation. It isn't anyone's fault, just something that happens, not a case of a poor Dominant, or submissive.
[2009/06/08 12:25] Pirate Russell: A "scene review" should always be part of the play. Whether there was a safeword used or not. Always, and a submissive should be able to say No there too.
[2009/06/08 12:25] Pirate Russell: submissives, remember, Though We may be your Dominant, We ARE NOT mind readers. It is your responsibility to say something if things are going south.
[2009/06/08 12:26] Pirate Russell: A good time fot that "Scene Review", btw, is during after care
[2009/06/08 12:26] Pirate Russell: Also remember, there is very little difference in the facial expressions of being in pain and being in ecstacy. *chuckles*, ESPECIALLY in SL.
[2009/06/08 12:26] Pirate Russell: The point is that taking on a sub is a great opportunity to take care of a person's deep, inner needs and curiousity's. The rules should be set ahead of time, and a scene-review later is is important too.
[2009/06/08 12:26] Pirate Russell: Using a safe word, calling a scene to stop, opening communication, or in a discussion, saying No, should not be taken as telling the Dominant what to do or not to do or topping from the bottom.
[2009/06/08 12:27] Pirate Russell: It is the responsibility of both the Dominant and the submissive to communicate why, what the fear is, or if there is a true safety danger, Both should respect that. Safe, Sane and Consensual is key in any D/s relationship.
[2009/06/08 12:27] Pirate Russell: ~~~In ANY relationship~~~
[2009/06/08 12:27] Pirate Russell: All transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2009/06/08 12:28] Pirate Russell: To find College of Kink classes, check the Search/Events and look for College.
[2009/06/08 12:28] Pirate Russell: Comments, Questions?
[2009/06/08 12:28] ***AE***: thank you Miss Pirate, it was very imformative ツ
[2009/06/08 12:29] Pirate Russell: My pleasure, ***AE***
[2009/06/08 12:29] ***MT*** raises a hand. May I make a comment, Mistress?
[2009/06/08 12:29] ***TK***: Thank you
[2009/06/08 12:29] Pirate Russell: Please do!
[2009/06/08 12:29] Pirate Russell: Welcome, ***TK***
[2009/06/08 12:30] ***MT***: Thank you, Mistress. I wish I'd attended this meeting before I encountered the extreme changes in my former Master. I think it might have helped to save our relationship, or at least given us a venue in which I could have expressed my fears.
[2009/06/08 12:30] Pirate Russell: First, I'm sorry for your loss.
[2009/06/08 12:31] Pirate Russell: Second, I wish you had too, this is a HARD subject, but one that needs teaching
[2009/06/08 12:31] ***MT***: Thank you, Mistress.
[2009/06/08 12:32] Pirate Russell: submissives have rights, not the least of which is "submissives have the RIGHT to enjoy Second Life, too!"
[2009/06/08 12:34] Pirate Russell: ANYthing else?
[2009/06/08 12:35] ***IM***: Sometimes it's hard to know one is in trouble, if one is deep in subspace.
[2009/06/08 12:35] Pirate Russell: Yes, sometimes even hard to know if someone is IN subspace
[2009/06/08 12:36] Pirate Russell had a friend that would go from subspace to sleep, and not be happy cuz of no after care.
[2009/06/08 12:36] ***JN***: even in subspace ya need to be aware of dangers to ya person or changes in what could be a dangerous Dom/Domme
[2009/06/08 12:36] Pirate Russell: Or even a Dominant that could go into "Domspace"
[2009/06/08 12:37] ***IM***: It's dangerous to go deep into subspace with a Domme one doesn't fully trust and know well, too.
[2009/06/08 12:38] ***TK***: could you explain "subspace" pleases
[2009/06/08 12:39] ***TK***: I assume a trance like state
[2009/06/08 12:39] ***NP***: Yes please do
[2009/06/08 12:39] Pirate Russell: Subspace is an altered state that submissives go to, I've heard it's like self hypnosis
[2009/06/08 12:40] ***IM***: It is a sense of being without time, totally focused and immersed in the event. It's a lot like being "in the Zone"
[2009/06/08 12:40] ***TK***: and Domspace the same for the Dom?
[2009/06/08 12:40] Pirate Russell: Again, I've heard it's similar, I've never found it, I'm only a Cyber-Domme
[2009/06/08 12:40] ***IM***: girl has heard it's similar, but hyper-aware of the sub's experience.
[2009/06/08 12:41] Pirate Russell: Wikipedia to the rescue: "Subspace is a metaphor for the state the submissive's mind and body is in during a deeply involved play scene"
[2009/06/08 12:41] ***IM***: girl thinks there is more connection for a Dom and often a feeling of seperation for a sub.
[2009/06/08 12:41] Pirate Russell: "The psychological aspect of BDSM also causes many submissives to mentally separate themselves from their environment as they process the experience. Deep subspace is often characterized as a state of deep recession and incoherence."
[2009/06/08 12:42] ***MT*** covers her mouth to suppress a giggles at Wiki to the rescue.
[2009/06/08 12:42] ***JN***: depends on the Dom/Domme some hit a wall where a even more aggressive nature comes out
[2009/06/08 12:42] Pirate Russell: And for the medic's in the crowd: "During the scene, the intense experiences of both pain and pleasure trigger a sympathetic nervous system response, which causes a release of epinephrine from the suprarenal glands, as well as a dump of endorphins and enkephalins. "
[2009/06/08 12:42] Pirate Russell: All of which can alter perceptions, and conciousness
[2009/06/08 12:43] ***IM***: girl has heard Domme's say the know every reaction a sub will have before it happens when they are in Domspace.
[2009/06/08 12:44] ***JN***: true
[2009/06/08 12:45] Pirate Russell: treasure, I've got that, just from knowing My girls that well. ;-)
[2009/06/08 12:45] ***JN***: '
[2009/06/08 12:45] ***IM*** smiles
[2009/06/08 12:45] ***TK***: I was going to say the same *glancing at el
[2009/06/08 12:45] ***AE***: that takes alot of time
[2009/06/08 12:45] Pirate Russell: Subspace or now, I know girl's not real fond of the second swat!
[2009/06/08 12:45] Pirate Russell: er now = not
[2009/06/08 12:46] ***IM*** nods
[2009/06/08 12:47] Pirate Russell: Anyone, anything?
[2009/06/08 12:47] ***NP***: Well I thank you for all the information Mistress Pirate ;-)
[2009/06/08 12:48] ***AE***: yes ty again
[2009/06/08 12:48] Pirate Russell: My pleasure.
[2009/06/08 12:48] Pirate Russell: Any that are inclined to tip, please go to West of Ireland, and donate to "Project Children"
[2009/06/08 12:48] ***TK***: Thank you Pirate
[2009/06/08 12:49] Pirate Russell: ((I've taught here a year, and can't get freakin stairs put in!))
[2009/06/08 12:49] ***NP***: LMAO
[2009/06/08 12:49] ***JN***: lol
[2009/06/08 12:49] ***MT*** giggles.
[2009/06/08 12:49] Pirate Russell wishes it were a joke... he he
[2009/06/08 12:49] ***NP***: was it bit difficult to do that in a classy way ;-)
[2009/06/08 12:49] Pirate Russell: But fun as hell to watch!
[2009/06/08 12:49] ***NP***: *smirks* Thank you Mistress
[2009/06/08 12:50] ***JN***: thank you for the class Pirate thought it best for my girl to hear what i have taught from someone else
[2009/06/08 12:50] Pirate Russell: My pleasure, JD1!
[2009/06/08 12:50] Pirate Russell: Next week will be "submissive Rights", I think
[2009/06/08 12:51] ***JN***: aight girl home the lag to fierce to be hanging in the club today
[2009/06/08 12:51] Pirate Russell: Watch the Events.
[2009/06/08 12:51] ***JN***: sounds good i am sure she would like to be there
[2009/06/08 12:51] Pirate Russell: Members' Days get like that
[2009/06/08 12:51] ***DB***: yes Master
[2009/06/08 12:52] Pirate Russell: Ciao for now, y'all!
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