Jealousy - 5/1/09

[12:16] Pirate Russell: Ok, please take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[12:16] Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! As most of y'all know, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor. I have been in SL for 31/2 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[12:16] Pirate Russell: For any that need to leave early, all transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[12:17] Pirate Russell: DISCLAIMER: I have no training or schooling in Psychology,Psychiatry, or Counseling of ANY kind! All of My observations are from My real life and what I've found on the web
[12:17] Pirate Russell: If you are having problems dealing with Jealousy, PLEASE PLEASE contact a competent professional!
[12:17] Pirate Russell: Jealousy typically refers to the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that occur when a person believes a valued relationship is being threatened by a rival.
[12:17] Pirate Russell: Dr. Jennifer James, author of "Women and the Blues: Passions That Hurt, Passions That Heal", wrote:
[12:17] Pirate Russell: "Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you.
[12:18] Pirate Russell: There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck.
[12:18] Pirate Russell: Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences."
[12:18] Pirate Russell: Jealousy is an emotion that can be very damaging to ANY relationship. It can also prevent you from growing emotionally.
[12:19] Pirate Russell: It is not the same thing as envy. Jealousy wants what someone else has. Envy is when you don't want someone else to have what you don't have.
[12:19] Pirate Russell: If a person is jealous, they already have what is desired but they are afraid of losing it.
[12:19] Pirate Russell: When you are feeling jealous, you are undergoing an emotional combination of anger, dependency, hurt, and self doubt. When you spend time focusing on what you are not, this is a result of insecurity.
[12:20] Pirate Russell: Sometimes when we are afraid of losing something, we actually cause it to happen because of our actions and behaviors.
[12:20] Pirate Russell: All our thoughts and actions are centered around our fears and insecurities. This causes more fear and insecurity. These feelings cause other harmful feelings and may result in us indulging in self pity.
[12:20] Pirate Russell: What are some ways of dealing with jealousy?
[12:20] Pirate Russell: * Develop independence. We need to be sure we are not overly dependant on any one person. We need to focus on the good things we have and not on what we don't have.
[12:21] Pirate Russell: * Focus on developing more confidence and attractiveness. Sometimes something simple like getting our hair done or changing our style of clothing can help.
[12:21] Pirate Russell: Taking a course on self esteem or assertiveness is also beneficial.
[12:21] Pirate Russell: * Be honest with yourself. Sit down with paper and list things that are making you jealous. Look at it objectively. Are these things silly or trivial or are they really important?
[12:21] Pirate Russell: * Communicate with the person who is the object of your jealousy. Tell them your feelings. Is that person doing something that is causing you to be jealous? Letting them know can often help the problem.
[12:22] Pirate Russell: If this other person cares for you, they will work on changing the behavior that is adding to your jealousy. Being aware of your feelings can also help you cope better.
[12:22] Pirate Russell: Realize that jealousy shows your lack of self esteem and uncertainty of your own worth. Work on taking a really good self evaluation.
[12:22] Pirate Russell: This experience can be a wonderful learning opportunity for you. Work on communication with other people. Work on developing confidence.
[12:23] Pirate Russell: * Study your rival. Look closely at the person you are jealous about. What do you like and dislike about the person? Are his or her qualities beyond your abilities? Be sure you are not being unrealistic about that person. Are you seeing things as they
[12:23] Pirate Russell: Take control of your feelings. Terminate the relationship if nothing else seems to work. Take the time to concentrate on your own growth. Work at trying to understand and improve your relationship.
[12:23] Pirate Russell: * Do not overreact. Remember, most incidents are temporary so don't magnify what happened.
[12:23] Pirate Russell: Serious jealousy stems from a fear of loss, reputation, control of ourselves, our spouses, or relationships. Losing control of our emotions and feelings will only make things worse.
[12:24] Pirate Russell: Bad reactions to Jealousy can even cause legal problems. I spent almoust 7 years as a Public Safety Telecommunications Officer (Big words for 911 Dispatcher).
[12:24] Pirate Russell: Not one shift went by where I didn't deal with a seriuos domestic problem. Most, I'd wager, stemmed from jealousy. How many of us have read this in or local or national news media, "If I can't have him/her, then nobody can!" I've know that many people
[12:25] Pirate Russell: I, for one, don't want to be someplace I'm not wanted. That's not fun for Me!
[12:25] Pirate Russell: EEP, it cut off "have." and the typo, too.. he he
[12:25] Pirate Russell: Likewise, I dont' force anyone, particularly My submissives to be with Me if they're not having fun.
[12:25] Pirate Russell: This is part of My Primary rule, that real life comes first, if you're not having fun, let's go do something that is, together or apart!
[12:26] Pirate Russell: I do get jealous sometimes. My girls have significant others with whom they spend time. I INSIST that they do! One has a fiancee, one a girl friend, and another a girl of her own.
[12:26] Pirate Russell: I miss them when they're not around, I am envious of the time they spend away, but I want them to have fun.
[12:27] Pirate Russell: Knowing they're having fun makes it all ok for Me. I want My girls, My friends, My acquaintences, and even most of My enemies to have fun.
[12:27] Pirate Russell: By having other friends, they've places to go have fun when I'm alone with one of the other girls. Even when I'm alone with one, I envy the time that the others spend away.
[12:27] Pirate Russell: I'm going to close today with one of My very favorite quotes on the subject, by Robert A Heinlein,
[12:27] Pirate Russell: "Love" is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
[12:28] Pirate Russell: Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy."
[12:28] Pirate Russell: Citations:
[12:28] Pirate Russell: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jealousy
[12:28] Pirate Russell: http://www.allaboutlifechallenges.org/dealing-with-jealousy-faq.htm
[12:28] Pirate Russell: http://www.todays-woman.net/quoteid-2304.html
[12:28] Pirate Russell: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/r/robert_a_heinlein.html
[12:29] Pirate Russell: Questions???? Comments?
[12:29] ***LP***: very true things, mistress
[12:29] ***LM***: that was really cool and insightful. thnx :)
[12:30] ***KC***: when girl first met her Mistress girl was jealouse of E/everyone and anyone but looks bck and thinks it was a result of being abandoned by another Miss. now however girl is secure in her relationship with that same Mistress and enjoys seeing Her have fun even if it is with someone else
[12:31] ***iG***: what would be the best way to start working on jelousy from other people. or how should one approach it when
[12:31] ***iG***: you ar the reason (real or presumed)
[12:31] ***KC***: the C word right Miss
[12:32] Pirate Russell: Communication.... let them know you don't value them any less. It's like kids, just because I had a son, it didn't mean that I didn't love My daughter any less.
[12:32] Pirate Russell beams at kiri!
[12:32] ***KC*** smiles
[12:32] Pirate Russell: But the bottom line, is that it's something they have to deal with.
[12:33] ***iG***: yes
[12:33] Pirate Russell: I can't make ***KC***stop being jealous when I spend time with ***HS***.
[12:33] ***KC*** giggles
[12:33] ***HS*** smiles
[12:33] Pirate Russell: ***KC***has to figure that out.
[12:33] ***iG***: but :) how can one help them
[12:33] ***KC*** nods
[12:34] ***LM***: thank u for the lecture miss. later all
[12:34] Pirate Russell: By letting them know that you don't love them any less
[12:34] ***TV***: How much of jealously do You think stems from the programming we get that there's One Only Now and Forever that we're supposed to be with?
[12:34] ***iG***: although to think after what youve said throws up answers
[12:35] ***DD***: this is deffinately a good class for me... now i have something to look forward to *smiles, thank you for the class Miss Pirate..
[12:35] Pirate Russell: Way too much, Three! Humans only got monagamous a few hundred years ago, a relatively short time. Thru religions
[12:36] ***iG***: as a method of social control?
[12:37] Pirate Russell: Well, Me vs. Religion is a talk for another day, but suffice to say, Religions are people control people in the name of a supreme being
[12:37] ***TV***: Amen!
[12:37] ***AD***: I find it strange that I stumbled across a class on jealousy at this moment.I'm having a hard time with it and really needed to read this.
[12:38] Pirate Russell: Well, I'm glad I could be of service, Allyssa, I truly am.
[12:38] Pirate Russell: This is one of My favorite classes, for all the typos.. he he
[12:38] ***AD*** smiles."my Master has 7 girls.So this was perfect."
[12:39] Pirate Russell has several, too. 3 girls I see pretty much daily, several I see less frequently, and My wife, too. So I have dealt with it from both ends
[12:39] ***AD*** nods.
[12:40] Gilles Kuhn: 7 poor guy... ;-)
[12:40] ***HS***: hehe
[12:40] ***AD*** chuckles."i suppose i am spoiled..he spends the most time with me..but when they do come up and he wants time with them i get a bit jealous."
[12:40] ***TV***: HeptaDom
[12:41] Pirate Russell: Hehe, Megga Dom?
[12:41] ***AD***: but really thank you so much
[12:42] Pirate Russell: Seriously, it's My pleasure, Allyssa
[12:42] ***iG***: you have my thanks also Miss Russell,
[12:43] ***TV***: Thank You so much, Miss Pirate
[12:43] Pirate Russell: Y/y'all are welcome
[12:43] ***KC*** smiles at Miss Pirate
[12:44] Pirate Russell: Any other comments before I close this up?
[12:44] Pirate Russell: Going Once.......
[12:44] Shu Benelli: thank you, Miss
[12:44] ***iG***: *g*
[12:44] Pirate Russell: .......................Twice...
[12:45] Pirate Russell: ...................................***TV***times a ladyyyyyy
[12:45] ***HS***: LOL
[12:45] Pirate Russell: Class dismissed!
[12:45] Pirate Russell: And since c lass is over, I claim ***HS***!
[12:45] Pirate Russell: he he
[12:45] ***AD*** skips around and goes in search of candy.
[12:45] Shu Benelli smiles "Thank you very much"
[12:45] ***iG***: agaiin thanks for your time..
[12:45] ***KC***: thank You very much Miss for another insightful class
[12:45] ***HS***: hehe, no can do Pirate, i have some things to get done
[12:45] ***HS***: sorry, raincheck?
[12:46] Pirate Russell: Just kidding, teasing... he he
[12:46] Pirate Russell: and OF COURSE!
[12:46] ***HS***: hehe, teasing gooood
[12:46] ***HS***: great class, ty
[12:46] ***HS***: already started that list
[12:47] Pirate gives ***HS*** a big hug.
[12:47] Pirate Russell: Mmmmmm
[12:47] ***HS***: hmmmmm, ty Pirate
[12:47] Pirate Russell: Be have!
[12:47] Pirate Russell: er Behave
[12:47] ***HS***: hehe, never
[12:47] Pirate Russell: I didn't say, "Well"!