[07:13] ***SS***: *chortles merrily*
[07:13] Pirate Russell: Please take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[07:13] Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! As most of y'all know, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor. I have been in SL over 3 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[07:13] Srilania Svoboda: With MINE for sure. Makes a Osterizer blender and Roto Rooter look like kid's toys
[07:13] Pirate Russell looks over her glasses @ sri
[07:13] Pirate Russell: For any that need to leave early, all transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[07:14] Pirate Russell: LOL
[07:14] Pirate Russell: O/our topic today: The Repsonsibility of Dominance
[07:14] Pirate Russell: And that should probably be "Dominants", too
[07:14] Pirate Russell: I would like to preface this with My usual, EVERY releationship is as different as those that are in it.
[07:14] Sara Dressler: Forgive me but I must leave. Thank you for everything.
[07:14] Pirate Russell: I used to say the two that are in it, but relationships now include more than two, but I won't go so far as to include the occasional farm animal, though.
[07:15] Pirate Russell: Dominants have responsibilities and, yes rules, too!
[07:15] Pirate Russell: The Highest Honour That A Dominant Could Ever Achieve Is The State Of Honour Itself. To Be Completely Respected And Trusted.
[07:15] Pirate Russell: There Are Some Definite Guidelines About Being A Dominant. With The Ever Growing Population Of "Chatrooms" There Appears To Be A Lot Of Confusion About The Dominants Role In The "Online" Lifestyle.
[07:15] Pirate Russell: The Foundation Of The Dominant Are Based On 3 Li'l Words:
[07:16] Pirate Russell: Trust
[07:16] Pirate Russell: Honour
[07:16] Pirate Russell: Respect
[07:16] Pirate Russell: Each Dominant Should Be Able To Display Chararistics Of These Words, Both "Online" As Well As Offline.
[07:16] Pirate Russell: The Power Exchange Is About Trust Can You Trust Someone Who Dismisses Your Feelings Even In An "Online" Relationship.
[07:16] Pirate Russell: Playing In Other Chats Or Instant Messengers, Secretly Accepting Other "submissives" All The While He Is Claiming He Is "Trustworthy"?
[07:16] Pirate Russell: Is It Acceptable For A Dominant To Hide "Online" Things From His submissive?
[07:17] Pirate Russell: Especially If They Plan On A Real Time Meeting Or Relationship? If They Hiding Things Here, Wonders What They are going to Hide From You RL.
[07:17] Pirate Russell: One Of The Things A submissive Must Have Is The Confidence In Their Dominant Will Not Harm Them Nor Allow Harm To Come To Them.
[07:17] Pirate Russell: Trust Must Be Established. This Goes For The Mental Health As Well As The Physical Aspect Of The Relationship.
[07:18] Pirate Russell: Trust Will Grow As We Respect And Honour Each Other. Please Get To Know The Person You Are Considering To Be In A Relationship With.
[07:18] Pirate Russell: You Are Trusting Someone With The Most Precious Thing You Have...Your LIFE. You Can Quickly End Up In A Situation That Is Neither Safe, Sane, Nor Consensual.
[07:18] Pirate Russell: Can You Really Trust Your Life To Someone who Takes No Value Of The Words Trust, Honour & Respect?
[07:19] Pirate Russell: ***BTW, this is mostly from a RL point of view.....***
[07:19] Pirate Russell: According to Rules for Masters by Jack Rinella <
[07:19] Pirate Russell: 1. Have some rules. Over time, of course, each one of us gains insight into what works and what doesn't. Some of this wisdom is codified into rules.
[07:19] Pirate Russell: Rules are protective, instructive, and helpful. Having rules means that you know yourself, know what you want and don't want, and understand that everyone, including yourself, has limits.
[07:20] Pirate Russell: I know some people think they have no limits. They are fooling themselves as we are all constrained by physical nature, economic considerations, legal issues, and moral and ethical realities.
[07:20] Pirate Russell: We are all limited by the rose colored glasses through which we see the world. Rules help us respect those limits and avoid the trouble that is encountered when we exceed them.
[07:21] Pirate Russell: 2. Make sure those rules are your rules. You can't (well you can if you want) just go out and find some rules and use them.
[07:21] Pirate Russell: Rules must take their life from who you are. Rules must reflect the authentic you. If they don't, they will be burdensome and unenforceable.
[07:21] Pirate Russell: Good rules, then, start from the first rule of life: "Know thyself." I guess I would then temper that with "Love, and then do whatever you will." That doesn't mean that you can't borrow or copy another's rules. By all means do so.
[07:22] Pirate Russell: There is no reason to reinvent the wheel. If Master so and so has a reason for doing something and you like it, then do it too. Just make sure the rules resonate with who you are and what you want.
[07:22] Pirate Russell: I can not be too strong in emphasizing the importance of the inner self in this arena of rule-making column.
[07:23] Pirate Russell: 3. Don't make brittle rules. Rules are helpful because they add clarity and facilitate decision making. Rules cut in stone become millstones and anchors.
[07:23] Pirate Russell: Now I have nothing against either of those things as we need to grind grain and anchor boats,
[07:23] Pirate Russell: but if you think you can run your dungeon, your slave, or your life by a set of rules that are set in concrete or carved in granite, then you are kidding yourself.
[07:24] Pirate Russell: Better than a long list of rules, one might have a list of principles, guidelines for action. Certainly they may lend themselves to codification, but the spirit of the principle is much more important than the letter of the law.
[07:24] Pirate Russell: The Sabbath, after all, was made for man, not man for the Sabbath. Besides, there are always going to be exceptions and no amount of rule writing is going to cover all the possibilities.
[07:24] Pirate Russell: 4. Communicate those rules. It's obvious that we need to communicate rules to slaves so that they obey them. The same goes for rules for ourselves.
[07:24] Pirate Russell: Over time, I tell my applicants my rules and explain why I have them. I won't, for instance, let a subissive write and talk endlessly.
[07:25] Pirate Russell: He has got to show up at my doorstep within 6-8 weeks of our initial meeting. Why? Because I'm not into cybersex.
[07:25] Pirate Russell: Are there exceptions? Sure. The date can be extended for lots of reasons, but the communication will be curtailed until the plane ticket is bought. It's simply a matter that if you're not ready, then please don't act like you are.
[07:26] Pirate Russell: Communicating your rules has some nice benefits.
[07:26] Pirate Russell: It shows you are in control, that you have an understanding of what you want and don't want, and that you've thought about being a Master.
[07:26] Pirate Russell: It also gives the submissive a sense of security to know that you have rules too, such as "I will not have un-safe sex." Now he knows he doesn't have to worry about one thing anyway.
[07:26] Pirate Russell: 5. Remember man, that thou art dust; or get real. These Doms who think the world revolves around them need to think again.
[07:27] Pirate Russell: Humility is a still a virtue, even in a person who wields great power. Being in control doesn't that mean that a person needs to be haughty, egotistical, or obnoxious.
[07:27] Pirate Russell: If you are truly a person born to rule, then you have no need to put on airs. Pretense smells. Honesty, sincerity, and generosity have quite a different odor about them.
[07:27] Pirate Russell: There's also a side of this rule that involves practicality. Your rules need to be pragmatic, workable, reasonable, measurable, and enforceable.
[07:28] Pirate Russell: If they aren't, they will be honored only in the breaking and you will be seen as living in a fantasy world. It's one thing, of course, to have a rule for a weekend scene, quite another to have a rule for living out the rest of your life.
[07:28] Pirate Russell: 6. Stay above it. Just because the world is going to hell in a hand basket is no reason for you to do the same. Have high standards and stick to them.
[07:28] Pirate Russell: 7. Set benchmarks and progress points. A person becomes a doctor through a long and arduous series of learning experiences and tests that prove the experiences have had their desired effect.
[07:29] Pirate Russell: Each passing grade through high school, college, and med school contributes to the eventual M.D. Each evaluation, and not any single one, grants a person his or her license to practice medicine.
[07:30] Pirate Russell: It is no different for plumbers, electricians, or anyone else who wishes to acquire skill and standing.
[07:31] Pirate Russell: As you evaluate prospective slaves, recognize that this is a process and note their success or failure at each step of the way.
[07:31] Pirate Russell: Too often we want to jump to a full-blown contract while what are required are small steps and a gradual process.
[07:32] Pirate Russell: Heat milk quickly and it scalds, heat it slowly and it comes out just right.
[07:32] Pirate Russell: Running evaluations are helpful to everyone. Rules, after all, are meant to be helpful, indicative of reality.
[07:32] Pirate Russell: 8. Don't talk it all to death. submissives, if you want no more than phone and cyber sex, then keep talking. If you want real leather, you have to get physical.
[07:32] Pirate Russell: We are, after all, trying to develop real relationships. If I'm never going to meet you, I'm never going to be your master. You can pretend all you want on the phone.
[07:32] Pirate Russell: It might even get you off. But one of my rules is that until you've shaken hands, you haven't met. Until I can look at you eye to eye, eat a meal with you, and hear your voice without the benefit of wires or radio waves, it's just a prelude and nothing mo
[07:32] Pirate Russell: re
[07:33] Pirate Russell: he he
[07:33] Pirate Russell: 9. Take responsibility. First and foremost you, top or bottom, are responsible for the consequences of your actions. Recognize that fact. Act responsibly. You are the one, after all, who wants to be in control.
[07:33] Pirate Russell: 10. When a person says one thing and does another, I always listen to what they do. That advice has stood me in good stead. I hope it does the same for you.
[07:33] Pirate Russell: I'd like to wind up today's talk with the Seven Pillars of Dominance:
[07:34] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant is a ruler, but never a tyrant. But to rule requires understanding, and understanding requires humility.
[07:34] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant has pride, but never arrogance. But pride requires dignity, and dignity requires humility.
[07:34] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant commands respect, but never fear. But respect requires serenity, and serenity requires humility.
[07:34] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant employs strength, but never force. But strength requires knowledge, and knowledge requires humility.
[07:35] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant criticizes, but never derides. But criticism requires insight, and insight requires humility.
[07:35] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant receives, but never takes. But receiving requires giving, and giving requires humility.
[07:35] Pirate Russell: - A Dominant completes, but never tries to alter. But to complete one must be able to see what is there, not what is missing, and this most of all requires humility.
[07:36] Pirate Russell: In short, to use an archaic phrase, noblesse oblige. The Dictionnaire de l’Académie française defines it thus:
[07:36] Pirate Russell: Whoever claims to be noble must conduct himself nobly
[07:36] Pirate Russell: If a Dominant is the centre of a submissive's universe, it is because she thinks so, not because he does.
[07:36] Pirate Russell: No one is respected, let alone obeyed, just because. The truth of the matter is that owning is at least as much work as being owned.
[07:36] Pirate Russell: All transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[07:36] Pirate Russell: College of Kink classes Monday, Tuesday, Thursday & Friday @ 7a, Tuesday & Thursday 12:30a.
[07:36] Pirate Russell: Y/you could always check the Search/Events and look for College
[07:37] Pirate Russell: Questions, Comments?!
[07:37] Pirate Russell: SpeakEasy HUD detaching...
[07:37] ***RR***: Just one comment,,, Great lesson, as usual
[07:37] ***SB*** nods
[07:38] Pirate Russell: Thanks, Rob, My goal in taking this job was to educate Doms and subs on what they're 'allowed' to do... their RIGHTS, and Responsibilities. the rest is FUN!
[07:38] ***SS***: do you think that miscommunication is one of the biggest problems in a D/s relationship?
[07:39] Pirate Russell: Yes, and no, ***SS***....
[07:39] Pirate Russell: Communication, and miscommunication, is the worst problem in EVERY relationship.
[07:39] Pirate Russell: Online, offline, D/s, Vanilla, even tipping the paperboy
[07:39] ***SS***: ah, so true...
[07:40] ***IM*** nods
[07:40] Srilania Svoboda: ***SS***, let me try to put it this way
[07:40] Srilania Svoboda: Look at a relationship as a tabletop
[07:40] Srilania Svoboda: With 3 legs under it
[07:41] Srilania Svoboda: Those legs are held up by the floor
[07:41] Srilania Svoboda: The legs are Love, Trust, and Understanding. Without ONE of those legs, the table will fall
[07:41] ***HZ***: nods
[07:41] ***SS***: absolutely fantastic visual... thank you for that!
[07:42] Srilania Svoboda: Without the ground of COMMUNICATION, NONE of those legs have a place to stand, and it all falls
[07:42] ***MK*** smiles
[07:42] ***SS***: if I were an artist that would be a faboo picture... :)
[07:42] Pirate Russell: Yeah, sri's pretty good, visually! he he
[07:43] Srilania Svoboda: That's what I get for spending as much as i do on my looks, i guess :P
[07:43] ***SS***: *chuckles*
[07:43] ***SB***: lol
[07:43] ***CD***: braces shining as she smiles...
[07:43] Pirate Russell: he he, yeah, sri, High Maintenance, he he
[07:44] ***HZ***: smiles nothing wrong with high maintenance
[07:44] Srilania Svoboda: No. I got my look going pretty well
[07:44] ***HZ***: laughs that is my other titler
[07:44] Pirate Russell: ANYway.... any other comments, questions, on Dominant's Responsibilities?
[07:45] ***IM***: About changing rules: What about changing rules based on the desires or needs of a particular sub? When or is that appropriate?
[07:46] Pirate Russell: I have done that, and it usually doesn't work.
[07:46] Pirate Russell: The subs that 'require' that treatment, are usually looking for reasons to leave, at least in My experience
[07:47] Pirate Russell: now, as girl knows, I do make allowances for other relationships and SL Employment, too.
[07:47] Pirate Russell: But, I only do it after some good...... COMMUNICATION! He he
[07:47] Srilania Svoboda: I would dare to say it would really depend on the situation, and the judgement of those involved
[07:47] ***MK*** nods
[07:48] Pirate Russell: D/s IS a relationship.... and a GOOD Dominant will step out of character to discuss problems, and sometimes, a rule change is necessary
[07:49] Pirate Russell: Every time I pass My rules on to a subby, I find little changes, because when I'm having that talk, the submissive WILL give me feedback on My rules, or W/we're not moving forward very far!
[07:51] Pirate Russell is probably jinxing it, but it looks like W/we'll duck the Rolling-Restart-Monster
[07:52] ***SS***: that would be nice... last night I got turfed three times from the club. Annoying....
[07:52] Pirate Russell: SUCKS, seems like everything else 2 min is less, too!
[07:52] Pirate Russell: he he
[07:53] Pirate Russell: Anyway....Last call for questions and comments on the topic......
[07:54] ***DH***: Thank you
[07:54] Pirate Russell: Next week, Tues & Fri mornings @ 7, I'll be doing the companion piece to this.... "The Gift of Submission"
[07:54] ***SS2***: cheers Pirate *smiles*
[07:54] ***SS***: thank you for a great course!
[07:55] ***SB***: thanks Pirate
[07:55] Pirate Russell: My pleasure, ***SS***, Shu, this is one topic that is Near and Dear to My heart, the reason I took this job, WAY too much abuse going on in SL D/s
[07:56] ***SB*** nods
[07:56] ***SS***: true...the virtual world, unfortunately, has many pitfualls...
[07:56] ***SS***: pitfalls... yep, I'm a writer. :P
[07:56] ***SB***: lol
[07:57] Pirate Russell: As does' the so called "Real World". Here we don't bleed from them! he he
[07:57] Srilania Svoboda: Unfortunately, the REAL WORLD also has just as many problems, and no teleport or mute button works there
[07:57] Pirate Russell: Well, on that optimistic note...... Class dismissed!
[07:57] ***SS***: so true....
[07:57] ***IM***: hehe
[07:57] ***SB***: thanks a lot again
[07:57] ***IM***: Thank You, Mistress.
[07:57] Pirate Russell tries to use the remote on Her hubby, all the time, never workds!
[07:57] Pirate Russell: or works
[07:57] ***SS2***: bye and thankyou Pirate
[07:57] ***SS***: lmao - ain't that the truth! :D
[07:58] ***IM***: He lets you have the remote, wow. girl is impressed.
[07:58] ***IM***: er You.
[07:58] Pirate Russell looks down at girl.... "LETS?!"
[07:58] ***SS***: bwahh-haa!
[07:58] Pirate Russell walks softly and carries a BIG handgun!
[07:59] ***SB***: bye bye everyone
[07:59] Pirate Russell: Anyway, see y'all next week!
[07:59] ***SB***: have good fun *smiles*
No comments:
Post a Comment