Jealousy - 1/9/09

[2009/01/09 13:07] Pirate Russell: Please take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[2009/01/09 13:07] Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! As most of y'all know, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor. I have been in SL for 3 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[2009/01/09 13:07] ***SS***: Pirate, Sir. I was speaking to my friend Tawna about where she would sit, not my Master, Sir.
[2009/01/09 13:07] Pirate Russell: Was joking about girl offering balls on which to sit, no worries
[2009/01/09 13:08] ***LF*** grins
[2009/01/09 13:08] ***SS*** corrects herslef "Mistress"
[2009/01/09 13:08] Pirate Russell: For any that need to leave early, all transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2009/01/09 13:08] Pirate Russell: Our topic today: Jealousy
[2009/01/09 13:08] Pirate Russell: And Lag for Me is awful, btw....
[2009/01/09 13:08] ***LF***: Having the same issue here as well
[2009/01/09 13:08] Pirate Russell: DISCLAIMER: I have no formal education in psychology, psychiatry or counseling of ANY kind. The following is only from My personal experience or observations.
[2009/01/09 13:08] Pirate Russell: Should you feel you need "Real Help" with dealing with Jealousy, PLEASE PLEASE contact a competent professional.
[2009/01/09 13:09] Pirate Russell: Jealousy is an emotion that can be very damaging to ANY relationship. It can also prevent you from growing emotionally.
[2009/01/09 13:09] Pirate Russell: It is not the same thing as envy. Jealousy wants what someone else has. Envy is when you don't want someone else to have what you don't have!
[2009/01/09 13:09] Pirate Russell: If a person is jealous, they already have what is desired but they are afraid of losing it.
[2009/01/09 13:09] Pirate Russell: When you are feeling jealous, you are undergoing an emotional combination of anger, dependency, hurt, and self doubt. When you spend time focusing on what you are not, this is a result of insecurity.
[2009/01/09 13:10] Pirate Russell: Sometimes when we are afraid of losing something, we actually cause it to happen because of our actions and behaviors. All our thoughts and actions are centered around our fears and insecurities. This causes more fear and insecurity.
[2009/01/09 13:10] Pirate Russell: These feelings cause other harmful feelings and may result in us indulging in self pity.
[2009/01/09 13:10] Pirate Russell: According to Dr. Jennifer James, author of Women and the Blues: Passions That Hurt, Passions That Heal,
[2009/01/09 13:10] Pirate Russell: "Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value.
[2009/01/09 13:10] Pirate Russell: Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you.
[2009/01/09 13:11] Pirate Russell: There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck."
[2009/01/09 13:11] Pirate Russell: We all feel jealous of someone or something.
[2009/01/09 13:11] Pirate Russell: Whether it's time that our RL partner spends with friends outside the home, a SL friend that seems to have no time for us, or a Dominant that has other submissives, or other non-BDSM interests.
[2009/01/09 13:12] Pirate Russell: I know that My girls have other friends, in fact I INSIST on that, so I can have time with each of the others on a semi-regular basis.
[2009/01/09 13:12] Pirate Russell: One has a boyfriend, another has a close girlfriend. One of My girls has a girl of her own. I rarely feel jealous of their significant others. More often than not I envy the time they spend with them, and away from Me.
[2009/01/09 13:12] Pirate Russell: A fiancee, actually...
[2009/01/09 13:13] Pirate Russell: What are some ways of dealing with jealousy?
[2009/01/09 13:13] Pirate Russell: * Develop independence. We need to be sure we are not overly dependant on any one person. We need to focus on the good things we have and not on what we don't have.
[2009/01/09 13:13] Pirate Russell: * Focus on developing more confidence and attractiveness. Sometimes something simple like getting our hair done or changing our style of clothing can help. Taking a course on self esteem or assertiveness is also beneficial.
[2009/01/09 13:13] Pirate Russell: * Be honest with yourself. Sit down with paper and list things that are making you jealous. Look at it objectively. Are these things silly or trivial or are they really important?
[2009/01/09 13:14] Pirate Russell: * Communicate with the person who is the object of your jealousy. Tell them your feelings. Is that person doing something that is causing you to be jealous?
[2009/01/09 13:14] Pirate Russell: Letting them know can often help the problem. If this other person cares for you, they will work on changing the behavior that is adding to your jealousy. Being aware of your feelings can also help you cope better.
[2009/01/09 13:14] Pirate Russell: Realize that jealousy shows your lack of self esteem and uncertainty of your own worth. Work on taking a really good self evaluation. This experience can be a wonderful learning opportunity for you.
[2009/01/09 13:15] Pirate Russell: Work on communication with other people. Work on developing confidence.
[2009/01/09 13:15] Pirate Russell: * Study your rival. Look closely at the person you are jealous about. What do you like and dislike about the person? Are his or her qualities beyond your abilities? Be sure you are not being unrealistic about that person.
[2009/01/09 13:15] Pirate Russell: Are you seeing things as they really are? Take control of your feelings. Terminate the relationship if nothing else seems to work. Take the time to concentrate on your own growth. Work at trying to understand and improve your relationship.
[2009/01/09 13:15] Pirate Russell: * Do not overreact. Remember, most incidents are temporary so don't magnify what happened. Serious jealousy stems from a fear of loss, reputation, control of ourselves, our spouses, or relationships.
[2009/01/09 13:16] Pirate Russell: Losing control of our emotions and feelings will only make things worse.
[2009/01/09 13:16] Pirate Russell: Losing control of emotions, remember jealousy is a combination of anger, dependency, hurt, and self doubt, can cause many problems. I was a Public Safety Telecommunications Officer (big words for 911 Dispatcher) for about 6 years.
[2009/01/09 13:16] Pirate Russell: Not one shift went by where I didn't take a call for a domestic problem, and better than half the time it was fueled by jealousy.
[2009/01/09 13:16] Pirate Russell: How many times have W/we read about the "If I can't have her, nobody can" stories in our local and national newspapers? I KNOW there have been many arrests made when that was said to a police officer.
[2009/01/09 13:17] Pirate Russell: What's the point. If My Significant Other, or any friend doesn't want to be with Me, and I 'force' them to do so, how much fun will W/we have?
[2009/01/09 13:17] Pirate Russell: Likewise if I'm not wanted there, why should I stay, again, not a lot of fun ahead in that evening.
[2009/01/09 13:17] Pirate Russell: That being said, I do get jealous. I handle it just fine, because I know that My partner, RL or SL, is off enjoying themselves!
[2009/01/09 13:17] Tawna's pregnancy vitamins are making her nails grow longer and stronger.
[2009/01/09 13:17] Pirate Russell: Author Robert Heinlein defines Love as, "The condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.”
[2009/01/09 13:18] Pirate Russell: I strive for My friends, submissives, and even most enemies to have the best time they can, in RL or SL, even if they're not having that fun with Me!
[2009/01/09 13:18] Pirate Russell: Citations:
[2009/01/09 13:18] Pirate Russell: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jealousy
[2009/01/09 13:18] Pirate Russell: http://www.allaboutlifechallenges.org/dealing-with-jealousy-faq.htm
[2009/01/09 13:18] Pirate Russell: http://www.todays-woman.net/quoteid-2304.html
[2009/01/09 13:19] Pirate Russell: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/r/robert_a_heinlein.html
[2009/01/09 13:19] Pirate Russell: All transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2009/01/09 13:19] Pirate Russell: College of Kink classes Monday, Tuesday & Thursday @ 7a, Tuesday & Thursday 12:30a, and Friday 1p.
[2009/01/09 13:19] Pirate Russell: Y/you could always check the Search/Events and look for College
[2009/01/09 13:20] Pirate Russell: Questions, Comments, Dirty Jokes?
[2009/01/09 13:20] ***SS*** raises hand.
[2009/01/09 13:20] Pirate Russell: ***SS***?
[2009/01/09 13:21] ***SS***: I have had this conversation before, and sometimes I have been told that I can choose to not feel the way that I do.. I have a hard time understanding that in the same way that I cannot wrap my brain around not bleeding if I am cut. How do you get around that... and if it is a choice, why would I choose to feel that way? I do not understand.
[2009/01/09 13:22] Pirate Russell: I choose to enjoy the fact that My girls (Primarily I get the jealousy-s regarding them) are off having fun. I LOVE them and want them to enjoy themselves
[2009/01/09 13:22] ***SS***: Pleae understand Mistress, that this is all very new to me.. I have always been monogomus. And expected nothing less from my spouse.
[2009/01/09 13:23] Pirate Russell: I understand, and I'm the same way in RL, mostly,
[2009/01/09 13:23] Pirate Russell: there is a LOT of Me in Priate, and a LOT of Pirate in Me, but it didn't start out that way, we've grown together
[2009/01/09 13:24] ***SS***: I cannot be one way in RL and another in SL.. ***SS***is an extention of the person that I am,that I have always been.
[2009/01/09 13:25] Pirate Russell: I understand, I have some parts of Pirate that are SL only, and some parts of Me that are RL only, but a BIG overlap exists
[2009/01/09 13:25] ***PM***: I think most jealousy is cause by the unknown. This the tiny things that we don't know that we fear to be "against us." Most of those things don't even know we exist, much less conspire to make us a lesser person. Those other things. The ones that are honestly not in our favor -- most of those things we can't do a thing about. So, ALL the advice that you've given us is very, very valid. Thank you.
[2009/01/09 13:26] Pirate Russell: Yes, "Anticipation", and it's sister "Dread", are most often more powerful than the event itself!
[2009/01/09 13:26] ***IM*** nods
[2009/01/09 13:27] ***PM***: Since Tora isn't here ... Communication is really the key here, isn't it Pirate? Bringing out in the open our own fears.
[2009/01/09 13:27] ***PM***: How many times do we admit these things, only to have them discounted by our partners?
[2009/01/09 13:27] Pirate Russell: ABSOLUTELY, ***IM*** knows how I feel, and I how girl does, ESPECIALLY on the uncomfy stuff, like jealousy
[2009/01/09 13:28] ***IM***: Absolutely.
[2009/01/09 13:28] Pirate Russell: Or discounted by ourselves, Patrrick?
[2009/01/09 13:28] Pirate Russell: By our own insecurities
[2009/01/09 13:29] ***PM***: yes, saying them/typing them out and seeing how little these insecurities are.
[2009/01/09 13:29] ***PM***: Besides, as you state, if things ARE real and/or inevitable, do W/we really want to stay in that situation?
[2009/01/09 13:29] ***VI*** nods. Admitting I had feelings of or feared feeling fo jealousy, led toa conversation with a significant other that opened my eyes and erased many of my insecurities and the jealousy
[2009/01/09 13:29] Pirate Russell: Yes, ***IM***'s fiancee fills places in girl's life, that I can't touch, and Vice Versa, but I still envy the time she spends with him
[2009/01/09 13:30] Pirate Russell: ***IM*** (My only example here today) and I had the same talk! he he, now I WANT her to go where she has fun
[2009/01/09 13:31] ***PM***: Ahhhhh, ***IM***! Congratulations! I was wondering.
[2009/01/09 13:31] ***PM***: May I ask? Is this SL, RL, or both?
[2009/01/09 13:31] Pirate Russell: Sure, Patrick, you may ask!
[2009/01/09 13:31] Pirate Russell: he he
[2009/01/09 13:31] ***IM***: SL, Sir.
[2009/01/09 13:31] ***PM***: *Smiles*
[2009/01/09 13:31] ***LF***: Viola, may I ask what about that conversation eased your feelings? If it is not too personal to share?
[2009/01/09 13:32] ***PM***: (oh the lag) Very nice! I hope W/we get an invitation. I know we would come if at all possible. We live for these things! Congratulations again.
[2009/01/09 13:32] ***VI***: I feared that the time they desired to spend in another RP place would take from the time we had
[2009/01/09 13:32] ***VI***: expressing that was hard
[2009/01/09 13:32] ***VI***: but it led to conversatoin where I was shown my worth to them
[2009/01/09 13:33] ***VI***: and that eased my fears
[2009/01/09 13:33] ***VI***: it has also let me to think I may enjoy more of the rp
[2009/01/09 13:33] Pirate Russell: Well, te D/s relationship is just that a RELATIONSHIP, and ALL relationships take C O M M U N I C A T I O N.
[2009/01/09 13:33] ***VI***: con=mmunication is so key
[2009/01/09 13:33] ***LF*** agrees
[2009/01/09 13:34] ***VI***: The more classes I take here, the more I open myslef up via communication
[2009/01/09 13:34] ***VI***: the easier and happier my realationships are
[2009/01/09 13:34] Pirate Russell: Thru the "C" word, I finally wrapped My brain around the FACT that ***IM***'s not leaving Me, she's found a way to enhance her SL experience, and as girl's My GOOD FRIEND, I'm happy for her that she's having fun!
[2009/01/09 13:35] ***IM*** beams
[2009/01/09 13:35] Pirate Russell: Thank you Viola, that is My aim for being here!
[2009/01/09 13:35] ***VI***: exactly mistress Russell, exactly
[2009/01/09 13:35] Pirate Russell: If NOTHING else, talk to the ones you love!!!!!!!!
[2009/01/09 13:35] ***LF***: Did your relief come strictly from your conversation or was there something you had to do for yourself to cross that barricade, Viola?
[2009/01/09 13:35] ***VI***: Through conversation
[2009/01/09 13:36] ***VI***: and I had to have faith in myself
[2009/01/09 13:36] ***VI***: my abilities my skills my charms
[2009/01/09 13:36] ***VI***: knowing that I matter
[2009/01/09 13:36] ***VI***: is key
[2009/01/09 13:36] ***LF*** nods
[2009/01/09 13:36] ***VI***: like Mistress Russell I want my SL friends to have fun
[2009/01/09 13:36] ***VI***: and even if I dont approve of how they are having it
[2009/01/09 13:37] ***VI***: so long as they are having fun that is what is important
[2009/01/09 13:37] ***LF*** agrees completely
[2009/01/09 13:38] ***VI***: I may not like that a partner has others they seek enjoyment with, but I accept that they do, knowing they come back to me
[2009/01/09 13:39] ***SS***: So... does that mean Viola, that you accept the hurt of thier being with someone else..not that it simply doesnt hurt.
[2009/01/09 13:39] Pirate Russell: I have come to LIKE that ***IM*** has someone else she LOVES
[2009/01/09 13:39] ***VI***: I try not to let it hurt me
[2009/01/09 13:39] ***VI***: I think of it as a way they enjoy Sl
[2009/01/09 13:39] ***SS***: You in essence still bleed when cut, but put a band aid on it and move through it?
[2009/01/09 13:39] ***VI***: I like to shop
[2009/01/09 13:40] ***VI***: maybe they like to have lap dances for example
[2009/01/09 13:40] Pirate Russell: Yes, EXACTLY, Sel, VERY good analogy
[2009/01/09 13:40] ***VI***: we may not like the othes 'fun
[2009/01/09 13:40] ***VI***: but we allow it
[2009/01/09 13:40] ***IM***: Or grow thicker skin.
[2009/01/09 13:40] ***VI***: or allow time fo rit
[2009/01/09 13:41] ***VI***: communication, really.......knowing how they feel and knowing how you feel
[2009/01/09 13:41] ***VI***: maybe both have tomake a few small changes
[2009/01/09 13:42] ***SS***: So, I am not choosing for it to hurt.. it hurts... how I deal with that is importannt, no?
[2009/01/09 13:42] Pirate Russell: Communication, and the willingness to do things for the other person, that may not be our favorite things
[2009/01/09 13:42] ***HZ***: honesty and open communication are vital
[2009/01/09 13:42] ***HZ***: even when it is hard to express it
[2009/01/09 13:42] ***VI***: Is the hurt done to you intentionally?
[2009/01/09 13:42] ***VI***: have you expressed your feelings?
[2009/01/09 13:43] ***SS***: No it is not.. and really.. its only the expectation of how it will feel. Master Luca has been very considerate of how I feel about this and is trying to help me through it.
[2009/01/09 13:43] ***SS***: I have expressed my feeling to him, yes.
[2009/01/09 13:44] ***VI***: as Mistress Russell said, often the anticipation of what may be is worse than the actual thing
[2009/01/09 13:44] ***VI***: we build things up
[2009/01/09 13:44] ***VI***: often they are not so when they happen
[2009/01/09 13:44] ***VI***: approach the new with an open mind too
[2009/01/09 13:45] ***SS***: I am trying.
[2009/01/09 13:45] ***VI***: it is hard
[2009/01/09 13:45] ***VI***: I understand that, deal with it also at times
[2009/01/09 13:45] Pirate Russell: I never said My transition was easy, either, but transisted I have! he he
[2009/01/09 13:46] ***PM***: Pirate the transistor
[2009/01/09 13:46] ***VI***: yes growth, change, developing new ways of thinking of things, all takes time
[2009/01/09 13:46] ***VI***: it cannot be overnight so to speak
[2009/01/09 13:46] Pirate Russell: I VERY nearly released another of Mine, over jealousy, and would have lost another close girl friend in the process
[2009/01/09 13:46] ***LF***: But, would you not agree that you, at some point, had to make a conscious choice to overcome it?
[2009/01/09 13:46] ***SS***: Thank you.. I have been thinking that there was something I was lacking in that could not see myself ever not hurting.. at least now I know that I am not odd, and must figure out a wayto deal with the hurt.
[2009/01/09 13:46] ***PC***: i asked to be realeased myself over this..
[2009/01/09 13:47] Pirate Russell: I still do, Luc!
[2009/01/09 13:47] ***LF*** nods
[2009/01/09 13:47] ***LF***: And it is a choice you make for the benefit of the relationship?
[2009/01/09 13:47] Pirate Russell: And Parvati, that is a possible solution, as well, as all, Dominants and submissives have the RIGHT to enjoy a relationshiop
[2009/01/09 13:47] ***PC*** nods
[2009/01/09 13:48] ***IM***: Knowing ones worth, knowing that the relationship is strong, makes it easy to want Y/your partner to be happy. If you believe in yourself and the relationship, then you know things that happen outside of it cannot affect it, only your reaction to them, inside the relationship can.
[2009/01/09 13:48] ***LF*** agrees
[2009/01/09 13:48] ***VI***: yes!
[2009/01/09 13:48] ***PC***: its a choice I had to make to keep from self destructing
[2009/01/09 13:49] ***SS***: I want to make that choice.. I do.. I jsut dont know how.
[2009/01/09 13:50] ***SS***: That is why I am here.
[2009/01/09 13:50] Pirate Russell: Eventually it came around to the Nike thing, for Me..... "Just do it!"
[2009/01/09 13:50] ***SS*** smiles
[2009/01/09 13:50] Pirate Russell: And, I am here to tell you, that it's not just subbies that get jealous!
[2009/01/09 13:51] ***SS***: Again, so that I am clear.. jealousy doe not go away.. you only learn how to deal with it.. is that correct?
[2009/01/09 13:51] ***SS***: does*
[2009/01/09 13:51] ***PM***: As we know, there are only three things we can DO in any situation. 1) accept the thing, 2) get the thing changed, or 3) leave. If you can't change your feelings or get the situation itself resolved, then we know its time to leave.
[2009/01/09 13:52] Pirate Russell: Well, using your analogy, with Me it started as a cut, then bleeding, bandaid, scab, then finally normal skin
[2009/01/09 13:52] ***IM***: Not at all, Selestial.
[2009/01/09 13:52] Pirate Russell: it still hurts a little, but it's now normal
[2009/01/09 13:52] ***LF***: I will admit that from time to time a twinge of jealousy has captured me, however, I make a choice not to allow it to cloud to cover and distort that which I know to be true.
[2009/01/09 13:53] ***VI*** nods in agreement with Lucaissien
[2009/01/09 13:53] ***IM***: Selestial, It's not really a choice as this one sees it. It's more of a realization. It requires a lot before it can happen. You must believe in your own worth. You must trust your partner. You must realize that His happiness is yours and yours is His.
[2009/01/09 13:53] Pirate Russell: And that, Luc, goes back to that 'self worth', thing!
[2009/01/09 13:53] Pirate Russell: And you must trust yourself,
[2009/01/09 13:53] ***VI***: yes, oh yes
[2009/01/09 13:53] ***LF*** nods
[2009/01/09 13:55] ***LF***: And I want to encourage her to find things that make her happy. Whatever that may be.. whther with me or without me.
[2009/01/09 13:55] ***LF***: But she resists
[2009/01/09 13:56] Pirate Russell: Resists, or can't go there, yet?
[2009/01/09 13:56] ***LF***: Well I suppose that would depend upon our different interpretations
[2009/01/09 13:56] ***LF***: for me.. resistence
[2009/01/09 13:56] ***VI***: which is again, a self worth issue
[2009/01/09 13:56] ***LF***: for her possibly something different
[2009/01/09 13:57] Pirate Russell: "Hasn't", doesn't always mean "Can't"
[2009/01/09 13:57] Pirate Russell: er I mean "Won't", it may mean "Can't"
[2009/01/09 13:57] ***LF***: She is free to submit to me and I want her to be just as free to explore her other desires as well. Her all around happiness can only make what we have better.
[2009/01/09 13:58] ***IM***: Just like one can't love another without loving herself, one can't share relationship if she doesn't believe she has anything of value to give. That self worth is what allows her to enjoy her partner's happiness without clinging.
[2009/01/09 13:58] ***LF***: But my experience has taught me that when one hides or minimizes their desires because they think the other does not have the same desires, then eventually those desires will crawl to the surface and manifest themselves in some way or another.
[2009/01/09 13:58] ***HZ***: nods
[2009/01/09 13:59] ***VI***: nods in agreement
[2009/01/09 13:59] ***LF***: Usually engitively
[2009/01/09 13:59] ***LF***: n
[2009/01/09 13:59] ***HZ***: as will insecurities and fears
[2009/01/09 13:59] ***LF*** nods
[2009/01/09 13:59] ***HZ***: if one tries to hide those
[2009/01/09 13:59] ***HZ***: they eat away
[2009/01/09 13:59] ***HZ***: better to speak up
[2009/01/09 13:59] ***VI***: nods
[2009/01/09 13:59] Pirate Russell: And for that matter, Confidence, delight in partner's happiness, etc!
[2009/01/09 13:59] ***LF***: but eventually they will have their day in the sun
[2009/01/09 13:59] ***HZ***: yes!
[2009/01/09 14:00] ***HZ***: wanting to see one's partner live life to the fullest
[2009/01/09 14:00] ***LF***: having been there in my RL marriages... I wish not to restrict another or feel so restricted here in my SL
[2009/01/09 14:00] Pirate Russell: Yes, Luc, and in a controlled environment (A frank, OOC discussion) is MUCH better than stalking someone andembarrassing the hell out of EVERYONE in the Sim
[2009/01/09 14:01] Pirate Russell has done both!
[2009/01/09 14:01] ***LF***: /nods and agrees
[2009/01/09 14:01] ***VI*** nods in agreement
[2009/01/09 14:01] ***IM*** smiles and nods.
[2009/01/09 14:01] ***LF***: Honesty from the very brginning is essential
[2009/01/09 14:01] ***HZ***: can't stress that enough
[2009/01/09 14:01] ***VI***: it is so key, communiaton
[2009/01/09 14:02] ***HZ***: without honesty failure is almost guaranteed
[2009/01/09 14:02] Pirate Russell beams at Her star Students! Take a gold star out of petty cash! LOL
[2009/01/09 14:02] ***LF*** nods
[2009/01/09 14:02] ***VI*** nods in agreement
[2009/01/09 14:02] ***LF***: smiles
[2009/01/09 14:03] Pirate Russell: In the end it comes down to choices, I can choose to cry cuz ***IM***'s busy, or I can go play golf!
[2009/01/09 14:03] ***LF***: However, then what is the path for one who finds this experience so vastly different from anything else they have experienced and while on the one hand they desire to overcome those feelings, while on the other holding tight to them as if somehow they are not in control of them?
[2009/01/09 14:04] Pirate Russell: Extremes at both ends, but My point is, I don't sit and pine, I have LOTS of other friends and interests, and she is coming back to Me!
[2009/01/09 14:04] ***IM*** giggles at the thought of Mistress crying over that.
[2009/01/09 14:04] ***LF***: Yes and that is how I feel as well.
[2009/01/09 14:05] ***HZ***: anything you have to hold on too tightly to keep it is not worth having
[2009/01/09 14:05] ***IM*** nods to Hades
[2009/01/09 14:05] ***VI***: nods in agreement
[2009/01/09 14:05] Pirate Russell looks down at Her's. "I have, hun, in the distant past!"
[2009/01/09 14:06] ***IM*** smiles and hugs Your leg.
[2009/01/09 14:07] ***LF***: Do I understand it then, there are times when nothing other than disolution will be the answer?
[2009/01/09 14:07] ***IM***: No, but it may be the easier course of action.
[2009/01/09 14:08] ***IM***: As B.F.Skinner said about training pidgeons. "Sure I can train a pidgeon to be a brain surgeon, it just will take longer that a pidgeon lives."
[2009/01/09 14:08] ***LF*** smiles
[2009/01/09 14:09] ***LF***: Not sure I want a pidgeon doing surgery on my brain even if you could teach it lol
[2009/01/09 14:09] ***GP***: and longer than Skinner lived...
[2009/01/09 14:09] Pirate Russell: Or maybe the Monkey/typwriter/Hemmingway thing, too!
[2009/01/09 14:09] ***TV***: Were I to erect steel walls around ***HZ***and impose unreasonable restrictions of her movements and friends, she would obey but soon lose interest and drift away from me. That's jsut not reasonable in SL
[2009/01/09 14:09] ***HZ***: nods
[2009/01/09 14:09] ***LF***: agrees completely
[2009/01/09 14:09] ***VI***: agreees with Tantalus
[2009/01/09 14:09] ***SS***: Might I make just one more point?
[2009/01/09 14:09] Pirate Russell: Surely, Sel!
[2009/01/09 14:10] ***TV***: Jealousy, frankly, is a stupid and wasted emotion
[2009/01/09 14:10] ***TV***: very destructive
[2009/01/09 14:10] ***LF*** nods
[2009/01/09 14:10] ***TV***: If I can't hold ***HZ***with my magnetic charm and amazing sexuality (grins) then it is my own fault, no hers
[2009/01/09 14:10] Pirate Russell: I restricted My wife (another of My subbies) and she strayed, and she ASKED for the restriction. Will NEVER restrcit another, Long Term!
[2009/01/09 14:10] ***HZ***: laughs despite herself
[2009/01/09 14:11] ***LF***: And if one allows jealousy to define them they will never experience the true pleasures and passions that can be had in a strong vital relationship
[2009/01/09 14:11] ***TV***: well said luc
[2009/01/09 14:11] ***SS***: But I do not choose to feel that way.. jealous. But I worry that if I were to find some way to dull the pain and wear the band aid till it scars over.. tehn I will be different from teh free spirit that made Master Luca wish to be with me.
[2009/01/09 14:11] Pirate Russell: it's not necessarily destructive, it can be used as a flag to re-examine your self worth, a flag that something eise is wrong
[2009/01/09 14:11] Pirate Russell: it's what you do with the emotion that can be destructive
[2009/01/09 14:11] ***HZ***: nods
[2009/01/09 14:11] ***LF***: true
[2009/01/09 14:11] ***VI***: nods
[2009/01/09 14:12] ***SS***: I will not be who he fisrt cared for.
[2009/01/09 14:12] ***LF***: You wont?
[2009/01/09 14:12] ***IM***: Jealousy is actually very valuable in that it tells us there is something that has to change. Wether it is in the relationship or in ourself, it is a indication that change is needed.
[2009/01/09 14:12] ***HZ***: sel, very rarely are any of us the first
[2009/01/09 14:12] ***HZ***: it is our job to make sure we are the best
[2009/01/09 14:12] ***LF***: smiles
[2009/01/09 14:13] ***LF***: Jealousy, however, is an emotion that can spawn other detrimental emotions such as anger
[2009/01/09 14:13] ***VI***: very true
[2009/01/09 14:13] Pirate Russell: One other thing, that the selfish Domme in Me reminds.... submissives SUBMIT to their Dominants. It may not be ideal for the submissive, but it may be how it is, too!
[2009/01/09 14:14] ***LF*** nods
[2009/01/09 14:14] ***TV***: Clutches heart!!!. You mean I wasn't first with you Hades?????
[2009/01/09 14:14] ***LF***: lol
[2009/01/09 14:14] ***HZ***: blushes, no but You are the best
[2009/01/09 14:14] ***HZ***: (good save eh?)
[2009/01/09 14:15] ***LF***: But one can also not be all things to one person
[2009/01/09 14:15] Pirate Russell is glad she has a SHORT skirt on, it's gettin' DEEP!
[2009/01/09 14:15] ***TV***: grins at bratty sub Hades
[2009/01/09 14:15] ***HZ***: blows kisses
[2009/01/09 14:15] ***IM***: That depends on the person, Sir Lucaissien.
[2009/01/09 14:15] Pirate Russell: Yes, Luc, in RL I have shopping friends, burger friends, movie friends, etc
[2009/01/09 14:15] ***HZ***: work friends
[2009/01/09 14:15] ***HZ***: neighborhood friends
[2009/01/09 14:16] ***HZ***: i think all you can do is be the best person you can be
[2009/01/09 14:16] ***HZ***: if someone else does not like it
[2009/01/09 14:16] ***LF*** nods
[2009/01/09 14:16] ***HZ***: or finds it lacking
[2009/01/09 14:16] ***HZ***: it is their problem not yours
[2009/01/09 14:16] ***SS***: In RL I have varied frineds, as I do in SL... in RL I have only ever had one love.. and only eve expected him to have as many... that was not ever the case, but it is how I have always seen it should be.
[2009/01/09 14:18] ***IM***: Don't confuse jealousy with morality. Rightous indignation is not jealousy.
[2009/01/09 14:18] Pirate Russell: Well, it is Human Nature... wired into our brains, so to speak, that males go out and perpetuate the species, and females seek the security to raise that species. Marriage has only been around for a few hundred years
[2009/01/09 14:19] ***PM***: as has the fork!
[2009/01/09 14:19] ***SS***: I was not ***IM***... I was referring to my being enough for him and he for me... the morality issue is a whole nother talk =)
[2009/01/09 14:19] ***SS***: when married that is... =)
[2009/01/09 14:19] Pirate Russell: In My mind, when I offer a full collar to a girl, it's akin to a wedding ring, D/s much like a marriage
[2009/01/09 14:20] ***HZ***: nods
[2009/01/09 14:20] ***PM***: exactly
[2009/01/09 14:20] Pirate Russell: I do not do it lightly, and have not offered on in nearly a year.
[2009/01/09 14:20] Pirate Russell: eep.. offered ONE....
[2009/01/09 14:21] ***HZ***: thank Y/you all for the interesting talk, rl calls
[2009/01/09 14:21] Pirate Russell: Be well, and good weekend, Hades
[2009/01/09 14:21] ***LF***: But do you see the collar as your committment not to have others physically or a committment of the heart?
[2009/01/09 14:21] ***LF***: Have a good day Hades
[2009/01/09 14:21] Pirate Russell: I am going to have to wind the class down, too, RL's about to snatch Me away, as well
[2009/01/09 14:22] Pirate Russell: No, I am polyamorus, I can romantically LOVE many, and dont' restrict ANYONE from the same
[2009/01/09 14:22] ***WP***: Thank-you very much Mistress Pirate, and to all who shared...very enlightening
[2009/01/09 14:22] Fabian Lexenstar: Pirate, Thank you for leading this discussion, very informative, and to all that were involved, many blessings this weekend
[2009/01/09 14:22] ***KD***: Thank you
[2009/01/09 14:23] ***LF*** smiles and appreciates having this opportunity
[2009/01/09 14:23] Pirate Russell: And before anyone else goes... I'm HAPPY to 'tutor' on this one-on-one, or maybe 2-on1, as ***IM***'s around Me almost as much as I like
[2009/01/09 14:23] ***VI***: Yes thank you, for a great class Mistress Russell
[2009/01/09 14:23] ***PM***: Pirate, thanks again for another excellent lecture. I've enjoyed and appreciated it.
[2009/01/09 14:23] Pirate Russell: It's more a talk than tutoring, as Luc can attest! he he
[2009/01/09 14:23] ***LF***: smiles
[2009/01/09 14:23] ***DS*** smiles thank you very much Miss Russell
[2009/01/09 14:24] ***PC***: I've enjoys it as well
[2009/01/09 14:24] ***PC***: you all have such great insigt
[2009/01/09 14:24] ***LF***: You are excellent as always Pirate
[2009/01/09 14:24] Pirate Russell: It is My pleasure and thank you ALL for contributing, makes My JOB EASY!
[2009/01/09 14:24] ***PM***: One question ... where is this New Forum?
[2009/01/09 14:24] Pirate Russell: Well, Parvati, I've lived thru similar stuff, not D/s, in RL, it's eay to toss experience around
[2009/01/09 14:24] Pirate Russell: er easy
[2009/01/09 14:25] ***KD***: tc A/all
[2009/01/09 14:25] Fabian Lexenstar: Surely you are gracious Pirate, you have delved into the subject with full force and cracked open this lively topic, you are jsut a marvel^o^
[2009/01/09 14:25] Pirate Russell: W/we're standing in it, or it's at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2009/01/09 14:25] Pirate Russell courtsies, in her SHORT skirt... he he
[2009/01/09 14:25] ***LF***: grins
[2009/01/09 14:26] Pirate Russell: Wait, exhibitionism was last week! LOL
[2009/01/09 14:26] Pirate Russell: Y/y'all have a good weekend!
[2009/01/09 14:26] ***PM***: You too/two
[2009/01/09 14:26] ***SS***: Have a good day Mistress.