Jealousy - 1/6/09

[2009/01/06 7:10] Pirate Russell: Anyone that's not here, or can't hear Me, speak up!
[2009/01/06 7:10] Pirate Russell: Ok, those that will, please turn off any radars, MystiTools, etc.
[2009/01/06 7:11] Pirate Russell: Please take all cross talk to IM, and all collar, etc commands to the secondary channels!
[2009/01/06 7:11] Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink! As most of y'all know, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor. I have been in SL for 3 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[2009/01/06 7:11] Pirate Russell: For any that need to leave early, all transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2009/01/06 7:11] Pirate Russell: Our topic today: Jealousy
[2009/01/06 7:11] Pirate Russell: DISCLAIMER: I have no formal education in psychology, psychiatry or counseling of ANY kind. The following is only from My personal experience or observations.
[2009/01/06 7:11] Pirate Russell: Should you feel you need "Real Help" with dealing with Jealousy, PLEASE PLEASE contact a competent professional.
[2009/01/06 7:12] Pirate Russell: Jealousy is an emotion that can be very damaging to ANY relationship. It can also prevent you from growing emotionally.
[2009/01/06 7:12] Pirate Russell: It is not the same thing as envy. Jealousy wants what someone else has. Envy is when you don't want someone else to have what you don't have!
[2009/01/06 7:12] Pirate Russell: If a person is jealous, they already have what is desired but they are afraid of losing it.
[2009/01/06 7:12] Pirate Russell: When you are feeling jealous, you are undergoing an emotional combination of anger, dependency, hurt, and self doubt. When you spend time focusing on what you are not, this is a result of insecurity.
[2009/01/06 7:13] Pirate Russell: Sometimes when we are afraid of losing something, we actually cause it to happen because of our actions and behaviors. All our thoughts and actions are centered around our fears and insecurities. This causes more fear and insecurity.
[2009/01/06 7:13] Pirate Russell: These feelings cause other harmful feelings and may result in us indulging in self pity.
[2009/01/06 7:13] Pirate Russell: According to Dr. Jennifer James, author of Women and the Blues: Passions That Hurt, Passions That Heal,
[2009/01/06 7:13] Pirate Russell: "Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value.
[2009/01/06 7:14] Pirate Russell: Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you.
[2009/01/06 7:14] Pirate Russell: There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck."
[2009/01/06 7:15] Pirate Russell: We all feel jealous of someone or something.
[2009/01/06 7:15] Pirate Russell: Whether it's time that our RL partner spends with friends outside the home, a SL friend that seems to have no time for us, or a Dominant that has other submissives, or other non-BDSM interests.
[2009/01/06 7:15] Pirate Russell: I know that My girls have other friends, in fact I INSIST on that, so I can have time with each of the others on a semi-regular basis.
[2009/01/06 7:15] Pirate Russell: One has a boyfriend, another has a close girlfriend. One of My girls has a girl of her own. I rarely feel jealous of their significant others. More often than not I envy the time they spend with them, and away from Me.
[2009/01/06 7:16] Pirate Russell: What are some ways of dealing with jealousy?
[2009/01/06 7:16] Pirate Russell: * Develop independence. We need to be sure we are not overly dependant on any one person. We need to focus on the good things we have and not on what we don't have.
[2009/01/06 7:16] Pirate Russell: * Focus on developing more confidence and attractiveness. Sometimes something simple like getting our hair done or changing our style of clothing can help. Taking a course on self esteem or assertiveness is also beneficial.
[2009/01/06 7:17] ***ML***: if so what?
[2009/01/06 7:17] Pirate Russell: * Be honest with yourself. Sit down with paper and list things that are making you jealous. Look at it objectively. Are these things silly or trivial or are they really important?
[2009/01/06 7:17] ***ML***: is there a fine line between envy and an actual jealousy?
[2009/01/06 7:17] Pirate Russell: Yes, ***ML***, there is... we'll have discussion in about 10 min, ok?
[2009/01/06 7:17] Pirate Russell: * Communicate with the person who is the object of your jealousy. Tell them your feelings. Is that person doing something that is causing you to be jealous?
[2009/01/06 7:18] Pirate Russell: Letting them know can often help the problem. If this other person cares for you, they will work on changing the behavior that is adding to your jealousy. Being aware of your feelings can also help you cope better.
[2009/01/06 7:18] Pirate Russell: Realize that jealousy shows your lack of self esteem and uncertainty of your own worth. Work on taking a really good self evaluation. This experience can be a wonderful learning opportunity for you.
[2009/01/06 7:18] Pirate Russell: Work on communication with other people. Work on developing confidence.
[2009/01/06 7:19] Pirate Russell: * Study your rival. Look closely at the person you are jealous about. What do you like and dislike about the person? Are his or her qualities beyond your abilities? Be sure you are not being unrealistic about that person.
[2009/01/06 7:19] Pirate Russell: Are you seeing things as they really are? Take control of your feelings. Terminate the relationship if nothing else seems to work. Take the time to concentrate on your own growth. Work at trying to understand and improve your relationship.
[2009/01/06 7:19] Pirate Russell: * Do not overreact. Remember, most incidents are temporary so don't magnify what happened. Serious jealousy stems from a fear of loss, reputation, control of ourselves, our spouses, or relationships.
[2009/01/06 7:19] ***ML***: what if you are merely jealous that they are taking YOUR mates attentions away from YOU is that rational ?
[2009/01/06 7:19] Pirate Russell: Losing control of our emotions and feelings will only make things worse.
[2009/01/06 7:20] Pirate Russell: Losing control of emotions, remember jealousy is a combination of anger, dependency, hurt, and self doubt, can cause many problems. I was a Public Safety Telecommunications Officer (big words for 911 Dispatcher) for about 6 years.
[2009/01/06 7:20] Pirate Russell: Not one shift went by where I didn't take a call for a domestic problem, and better than half the time it was fueled by jealousy.
[2009/01/06 7:21] Pirate Russell: How many times have W/we read about the "If I can't have her, nobody can" stories in our local and national newspapers? I KNOW there have been many arrests made when that was said to a police officer.
[2009/01/06 7:21] Pirate Russell: What's the point. If My Significant Other, or any friend doesn't want to be with Me, and I 'force' them to do so, how much fun will W/we have?
[2009/01/06 7:21] Pirate Russell: Likewise if I'm not wanted there, why should I stay, again, not a lot of fun ahead in that evening.
[2009/01/06 7:21] Pirate Russell: That being said, I do get jealous. I handle it just fine, because I know that My partner, RL or SL, is off enjoying themselves!
[2009/01/06 7:22] Pirate Russell: Author Robert Heinlein defines Love as, "The condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.”
[2009/01/06 7:22] Pirate Russell: I strive for My friends, submissives, and even most enemies to have the best time they can, in RL or SL, even if they're not having that fun with Me!
[2009/01/06 7:22] Pirate Russell: Citations:
[2009/01/06 7:22] Pirate Russell: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jealousy
[2009/01/06 7:22] Pirate Russell: http://www.allaboutlifechallenges.org/dealing-with-jealousy-faq.htm
[2009/01/06 7:22] Pirate Russell: http://www.todays-woman.net/quoteid-2304.html
[2009/01/06 7:22] Pirate Russell: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/r/robert_a_heinlein.html
[2009/01/06 7:22] Pirate Russell: All transcripts can be found at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[2009/01/06 7:22] Pirate Russell: College of Kink classes Monday, Tuesday & Thursday @ 7a, Tuesday & Thursday 12:30a, and Friday 1p.
[2009/01/06 7:22] Pirate Russell: Y/you could always check the Search/Events and look for College
[2009/01/06 7:22] Pirate Russell:
[2009/01/06 7:23] Pirate Russell: Ok, first, ***ML***, one little part you missed, was this....
[2009/01/06 7:23] ***ML***: sorry
[2009/01/06 7:23] Pirate Russell: Jealousy wants what someone else has. Envy is when you don't want someone else to have what you don't have!
[2009/01/06 7:23] ***ML***: thank you
[2009/01/06 7:24] Pirate Russell: A couple of quick dirty definitions, so yes, they can work together to ruin some real fun releationships
[2009/01/06 7:24] ***ML***: so IF they obtain YOURS" attentions that should be YOURS .....
[2009/01/06 7:24] ***ML***: hmmmm
[2009/01/06 7:25] ***SS***: I've seen what one or the other, or both can do in a releationship. best to root out the causes of such feelings and crush them under your bootheel
[2009/01/06 7:25] Pirate Russell: In American Divorce Courts, and Civil (money) courts there is a "tort" that is "Alienation of Affection".
[2009/01/06 7:25] ***ML***: if another obtains my Masters attentions or compliments...... when I feel that those should be exclusively MINE.....
[2009/01/06 7:26] ***ML***: is that in fact an envy or a slight jealousy?
[2009/01/06 7:26] Pirate Russell: You can be sued for that. But in My mind, if ***IM***'s off with her Fiance, and having fun, that is good enough for Me, even though I do envy the time she spends with him
[2009/01/06 7:26] Pirate Russell: But, ARE they truly yours, or His to give where he wants?
[2009/01/06 7:27] ***ML***: thank you
[2009/01/06 7:27] ***ML***: true
[2009/01/06 7:27] ***IM***: Is there a point where jealosy acts as a motavator in a positive way, or is that called something else?
[2009/01/06 7:27] Pirate Russell: I dont' feel that love is a finite quantity.
[2009/01/06 7:27] Pirate Russell: When I had My second child, I didn't love My first any less!
[2009/01/06 7:28] Pirate Russell: When I added girls to My SL Family, it didn't mean that I loved the others less.
[2009/01/06 7:28] ***ML***: is it not hard to treat each fairly yet appreciate their individualitys?
[2009/01/06 7:28] ***SS2***: How would one teach themselves to let go of the desire to eb the only one?
[2009/01/06 7:29] Pirate Russell: Depends on the definition of fair, some of My girls are more independent than others
[2009/01/06 7:30] ***ML***: equally?
[2009/01/06 7:30] ***ML***: i would think it impossible to be equal to more than one as the freedoms of choice and personalitys
[2009/01/06 7:30] Pirate Russell: Jealousy is tbe fear that you do not have value.
[2009/01/06 7:31] ***YS*** raises her hand.
[2009/01/06 7:31] Pirate Russell: It's a self-esteem issue, actually. I know that I am differnt things to each of My girls, as they are different things to Me
[2009/01/06 7:31] Pirate Russell: Yes, ***YS***?
[2009/01/06 7:31] ***YS*** says, "I just wanted to address somehing to Miss ***ML*** if I may."
[2009/01/06 7:32] Pirate Russell: Please feel free!
[2009/01/06 7:32] ***ML***: please?
[2009/01/06 7:33] ***YS*** smiles at ***ML***, "I know what you are asking. But one thing that I find that works if one looks at their relationship to the Dominate and focus on that. If they want more subs, then it pleases them on a certain level. Have trust in that fact that they still value you. And it is not about you but some need in them."
[2009/01/06 7:34] ***ML***: yes but um shouldnt I be enough?
[2009/01/06 7:34] ***SS2*** nods
[2009/01/06 7:34] ***YS*** smiles and says, "Well...no."
[2009/01/06 7:34] ***SS2*** thinks she wants to understand this better like ***ML***.
[2009/01/06 7:34] ***ML***: why wouldnt I as a whole and complete individual NOT be able to provide their desires?
[2009/01/06 7:34] ***PD*** nods at ***YS***'s statement
[2009/01/06 7:35] ***IM***: It depends on your Dom/me.
[2009/01/06 7:35] Pirate Russell: Actually, ***ML***, you should have a frank discussion with your Dominant. You're clearly not satisified with the situation, and COMMUNICATION is the ONLY way to fix this!
[2009/01/06 7:35] ***YS*** says,. "You should ask them then. Talk to the Dominant about it. What his needs are. Many DDoms I know have a few subs. Many of those subs are quite happy."
[2009/01/06 7:35] Pirate Russell: That being said, I am NOT trying to shut you up
[2009/01/06 7:36] ***VM***: raises hand....
[2009/01/06 7:37] Pirate Russell: Yes, ***VM***?
[2009/01/06 7:37] ***VM***: Miss Pirate... what do you suggest.. when jealousy hits you HARD... you are about to exxxxplode because it hurts... what can you do, at that moment??? Any suggestions, of how to deal, with it atm?
[2009/01/06 7:38] Pirate Russell: That's a tough one. I have experienced that, and I just gut it out, try to find something fun to do, or log outta SL for a while!
[2009/01/06 7:38] ***ML***: whom should the situation be addressed to? your Dom or the person whom you are feeling negatively towards?
[2009/01/06 7:38] ***ML***: is jealous a negative?
[2009/01/06 7:39] Pirate Russell: Yes, but maybe not at the moment, if I'm off with ***SS***, and ***IM*** gets jealous, I don't want My fun interrupted, the same way I try not to interupt hers
[2009/01/06 7:40] Pirate Russell: And jealous is usually bad. I tcan be used as a motivator to improve the way that you act next time
[2009/01/06 7:40] ***ML***: yes but might i ask... why werent you with her in the first?
[2009/01/06 7:41] Pirate Russell: Because maybe I want some Non BDSM time, or if I'm with another of My girls when she logs on, or if she's working her job, or with her fiance.....
[2009/01/06 7:41] Pirate Russell: A myriad of reasons, just like in RL.
[2009/01/06 7:42] ***SS***: there can be reasons, even non bdsm ones
[2009/01/06 7:42] ***ML***: and what response do you expect of her to that?
[2009/01/06 7:43] ***ML***: did you inform her of the situation from the start?
[2009/01/06 7:43] ***ML***: if so how was it addressed?
[2009/01/06 7:43] ***IM*** smiles
[2009/01/06 7:43] Pirate Russell: If she's working or with her Beau, Just tell Me, if she's off playing with a friend, same thing
[2009/01/06 7:43] ***SS2***: May I say something, and also apologize if my format is wrong, this is my firt class.
[2009/01/06 7:43] ***SS2***: *first
[2009/01/06 7:44] Pirate Russell: I have rules, one of them states....."When I'm in game, you will be available to Me, unconditionally. This does not mean you will be at My feet 24 X 7, but if I want you, you WILL come! I do make allowances for SL work, being with friends, subs, etc."
[2009/01/06 7:44] Pirate Russell: So, yes, it is addressed at the VERY begining of Trial time!
[2009/01/06 7:44] Pirate Russell: Speak frely, ***SS2***!
[2009/01/06 7:44] Pirate Russell: er freeely
[2009/01/06 7:45] ***IM***: Plus Her being polyamorus is also in Her rules.
[2009/01/06 7:45] Pirate Russell: It's not even just that, if I'm out shopping, sometimes, I like to go alone
[2009/01/06 7:46] ***SS2***: The relationship I have curently is the first I have ever had of this kind. In RL, my fear has ALWAYS been losing the person I loved to another that gave them what I could not... not being enough...and I have a very hard time reconciling that her as well... how do you get past that? I understand all of what Meg is saying and aasking, its as thoguh she is speaking for me as well.
[2009/01/06 7:46] ***ML***: so is it usually the anticipated and expected case that in bdsm usually there isnt monogamy?
[2009/01/06 7:46] ***SS2***: And as you said at the beginning, my fer was ALWAYS realized.
[2009/01/06 7:46] ***SS2***: Alone I can do... smiles.
[2009/01/06 7:47] Pirate Russell: I am not a "Power of Positive Thinking" type, but if you focus on a destination, you usually end up there
[2009/01/06 7:47] Pirate Russell: I took motorcycle lessons once, there was a light pole in the middle of the parking lot. The people that worried, and focused on, that pole, actually HIT IT!
[2009/01/06 7:47] ***VM***: There are some Master's, who are totally, monomous, Meg
[2009/01/06 7:48] ***YS***: Some are not.
[2009/01/06 7:48] ***XD***: most are not
[2009/01/06 7:48] ***SS***: Isn't monogamy some kind of wood?
[2009/01/06 7:48] ***PD***: As with anything, it depends on the person
[2009/01/06 7:48] ***VM***: giggles
[2009/01/06 7:48] Pirate Russell: That is why you need to negoiate the relationship (D/s IS a relationship), at the very begining
[2009/01/06 7:48] Pirate Russell: It's hard as hell to do it in the middle!
[2009/01/06 7:48] ***ML***: yet one can not expect a leopard to change their spots?
[2009/01/06 7:48] ***YS***: If it is a need tha YOU have, then it should be discussed before the relationship goes deep. It is a nother issue if you started that way and they changed...
[2009/01/06 7:48] Pirate Russell: or ,at least harder!
[2009/01/06 7:49] ***SS2***: I persoanlly, had no idea it was going to feel this way. When I first entered this, it was exciting, but the more I grew to know him, the more I came to love him.. the more fear I have in not being enough for him.
[2009/01/06 7:49] ***ML***: just because One is and the Other is not that should not be cause to gauge the sub of Them?
[2009/01/06 7:50] ***VM***: I hear you, ***SS2***
[2009/01/06 7:50] Pirate Russell: I have separate relationships with each of My girls. Each wants some different things from Me, one LOVES beatings, another doesn't.
[2009/01/06 7:50] ***YS*** nods at ***SS2*** as she listens.
[2009/01/06 7:50] ***SS2***: But above all that, my desire is to please him and make him happy. Its very hard to reconcile in my mind.
[2009/01/06 7:50] Pirate Russell: I don't expect anyone to be monagamous in SL
[2009/01/06 7:50] ***IM*** giggles
[2009/01/06 7:51] ***YS*** smiles at Miss Pirate.
[2009/01/06 7:51] Pirate Russell: My wife is, sort of... mostly because of the little bit oftime she's here, but we still share ***IM*** on occasion
[2009/01/06 7:51] ***VM***: It was most hard for me to think.. that my love was not enough...
[2009/01/06 7:52] ***IM***: It all depends on the relationship, each one is different. If you will get jealous if your partner takes on another, avoid partners that do that.
[2009/01/06 7:52] Pirate Russell: I see your point, ***VM***, but think of it like friends in RL. YOu have one "movie friend", one "Shopping Frined", etc
[2009/01/06 7:52] ***YS*** nods at ***IM***.
[2009/01/06 7:52] ***VA***: sad and hurtful as it is I knew i was not enough for my Master...it's just who he is and i had/have to accept that to be with him
[2009/01/06 7:53] Pirate Russell: As I say in My subby and Dominant classes.... "D/s is a relationship, and as such, each is as different as the people, and farm animals, that are in it!"
[2009/01/06 7:53] ***IM***: And if you don't mind, then it's just a different type of relationship. Neither is right or wrong, certianly not in SL.
[2009/01/06 7:53] ***SS2*** nods at Victoria... its a pain that I feel that I msut accpet in order to love him.
[2009/01/06 7:53] ***ML***: yes but as a sub are we expected to adapt and change evolve so to speak to BE that all inclusive one?
[2009/01/06 7:54] ***ML***: to avoid the causes of jealousys?
[2009/01/06 7:54] Pirate Russell: I do understand, but remember one other thing.... "The Dominant owns the submissive, not the other way 'round'
[2009/01/06 7:54] ***VM***: that is true... acceptence.. is the key.. because it will not change... I do it for him.. to please him... i am learining... slowly .. may i add .. : )
[2009/01/06 7:54] ***SS***: You also have to understand that as crazy as it sounds, there IS a shortage of quality Dominants out there.
[2009/01/06 7:54] ***IM***: this girl doesn't think so, ***ML***. We can find what makes us happy.
[2009/01/06 7:54] Pirate Russell: Yep, and ***SS*** and I are SO BUSY! LOL
[2009/01/06 7:54] ***SS2***: as am I... and I would like to learn how to avoid the knot in my stomach and paralyzing fear that the next will be the one that is better then me.
[2009/01/06 7:54] ***PD*** agrees *so much* with ***SS***lania!
[2009/01/06 7:55] ***YS*** frowns slightly, "I have been the ***SS2***. The pain of not thinking I was enough when he wanted another...but you know what? I left him because I was not happy. If you are unhappy, beg release. It will hurt, but maybe you can find another that suits you better."
[2009/01/06 7:55] ***SS***: If we ALL stuck to one partner, there would be a LOT of unowned, sad, and hurting submissives floating around
[2009/01/06 7:55] ***SS2***: ***YS***... I feel as though that pain would be more unbearable.. its why I choose to accpet this one, and wish to find a way to ease it.
[2009/01/06 7:55] Pirate Russell gets a predatory grin on Her face.... LOL
[2009/01/06 7:56] ***IM***: And again, no relationship is perfect, because no person is perfect.
[2009/01/06 7:56] Pirate Russell: HEY!
[2009/01/06 7:56] Pirate Russell: LOL
[2009/01/06 7:56] ***PD***: And communication is key, as in any relationship
[2009/01/06 7:56] ***IM*** nods
[2009/01/06 7:56] ***SS***: Well, the Preeminent Polyamorous Lesbian Alpha Bitch Domme of SL ™ is about as close as one can get
[2009/01/06 7:56] Pirate Russell: He he
[2009/01/06 7:56] ***IM*** grins and nods
[2009/01/06 7:57] ***XD***: lol
[2009/01/06 7:57] ***VA***: yes ***SS2***...I believe the key solution to that sceniero is the Master/Mistress...they must truly love and or treat the sub and truely loved in order to calm thier fears. I f thay are not willing to work that hard at it the sub cannot do it alone
[2009/01/06 7:57] ***SS2***: He ahs been wonderful and very considerate of my feelings.
[2009/01/06 7:57] ***YS*** says softly, "The pain was unbearable for days and days, weeks I stumbled about. But gentle hands caught me and held me up while I went through it. My ex owner is now my best friend in SL and I feel great and am very picky about who I will submit to...most important, I am happy."
[2009/01/06 7:57] Pirate Russell: And if they're not willing to tend to their submissives, are They a Dominat worth serving?
[2009/01/06 7:58] ***IM***: girl has a friend who's Mistress took on a second girl. She thought she would be okay with it, but it bothered her so much, *and she talked to her Mistress*, that her Mistress let the other girl go. She would have continued to be jealous and hurting if she didn't talk about it.
[2009/01/06 7:58] ***lB***: which discussion in here?
[2009/01/06 7:58] Pirate Russell: And, another analogy... "If it's sunny all day, every day, how boring would that become?" Contrast gives us focus on what we do have!
[2009/01/06 7:58] Pirate Russell: Jealousy, lemmy
[2009/01/06 7:59] ***lB***: awwwwww
[2009/01/06 8:00] ***PD***: My Sir has another, and she and I are friends. I will admit that it does hurt at times, and I let him know when it does...But it is a choice I make to be with him
[2009/01/06 8:00] ***SS2***: I have to leave now.. may I stay sitting her so that I can catch up on the rest of the class when I return?
[2009/01/06 8:01] Pirate Russell: Sure, or I'll work on getting the transcripts up at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com tomorrow at the LATEST
[2009/01/06 8:01] ***SS2***: Thank you very much I am so happy I came, and I will be back!
[2009/01/06 8:01] Pirate Russell: :-)
[2009/01/06 8:01] ***VM***: I think... sometimes it boils down to... where do you fit... with a Master who is monomous or not
[2009/01/06 8:01] ***IM***: Thank you for comming ***ML***.
[2009/01/06 8:02] ***ML***: thank you
[2009/01/06 8:02] ***IM*** nods to ***VM***.
[2009/01/06 8:02] ***YS***: One thing I find is that sometimes Doms do not communicate to their sub that they are considering taking another.
[2009/01/06 8:02] Pirate Russell: VERY true, ***VM***, and I wouldn't Collar a submissive that expected me to play with only them!
[2009/01/06 8:02] ***ML***: pleasure to have inquired of you all
[2009/01/06 8:02] ***YS*** smiles at ***ML***.
[2009/01/06 8:02] ***IM***: That is also true, ***YS***. The communication has only works if it's both ways.
[2009/01/06 8:03] ***YS*** nods at ***IM*** and smiles.
[2009/01/06 8:03] Pirate Russell: I was considering one last month, asked all My active girls their opinions, got some very surprising ones!
[2009/01/06 8:04] Pirate Russell: I was in the USAF, and there was a "Promotional Fitness Exam" study guide. TOPIC 1 was communicaiotn
[2009/01/06 8:04] Pirate Russell: and communication, too!
[2009/01/06 8:04] ***YS*** asks, "Miss Pirate?"
[2009/01/06 8:04] ***ML***: i think as long as the Dom communcates that they ARE taking another and perhaps clarifies WHY they are doinfg so to both establish their exsisting subs confidence and clarify situations?
[2009/01/06 8:04] Pirate Russell: there are 4 parts to Effective Communication. Sender, Receiver, Message, and Feedback. One of those are gone, NO communicaiton
[2009/01/06 8:05] Pirate Russell: Yes, ***ML***!
[2009/01/06 8:05] Pirate Russell: and go ahead ***YS***
[2009/01/06 8:05] ***KC***g: when girl's Mistress was considering another sub W/we talked it over endlesssly and girl thought she was ok with it but after a short time girl realized that it hurt too muh
[2009/01/06 8:05] ***KC***g: Mistress decided to not take in the sub
[2009/01/06 8:05] ***ML***: WHy did it hurt?
[2009/01/06 8:06] ***ML***: WHAT about it made you hurt?
[2009/01/06 8:06] ***YS***: What to do when you are a sub on trial with a Dominate who has another sub and she is totally taken by surprise?
[2009/01/06 8:06] ***KC***g: girl had been Mistress's only girl
[2009/01/06 8:06] Pirate Russell: Sub actually went with another before I decided, but I still asked opinions
[2009/01/06 8:06] ***KC***g: W/we both entered this life style together
[2009/01/06 8:06] Pirate Russell: I would wonder HARD about that Dominant.
[2009/01/06 8:06] ***YS*** nods, "Thank you Miss Pirate."
[2009/01/06 8:07] ***VA***: lemmy,,,could you please move....our Master just crashed and will return soon
[2009/01/06 8:07] ***ML***: we women especially are so competetitive are we not?
[2009/01/06 8:07] ***VA***: you are sitting in his seat
[2009/01/06 8:07] ***IM***: A girl has to trust her Mistress/Master. If she can't she will never be happy.
[2009/01/06 8:07] ***VA***: thank you
[2009/01/06 8:07] Pirate Russell: IF that dominant keeps from the other sub, what will they keep from you?
[2009/01/06 8:07] ***IM*** nods
[2009/01/06 8:07] ***lB***: are you both slave of him?!
[2009/01/06 8:08] ***lB***: slave for a man?
[2009/01/06 8:08] ***YS***: me nods. "Very true. Miss Pirate."
[2009/01/06 8:08] Pirate Russell: And likewise, a Dom(me) had to trust Her girls.
[2009/01/06 8:08] ***VM***: yes
[2009/01/06 8:08] Pirate Russell: Sorry, her submissives,
[2009/01/06 8:08] ***lB***: you re both out of what the word WOMAN means
[2009/01/06 8:08] ***SB***: lol
[2009/01/06 8:09] ***SS***: Understanding, Love, trust. These are the legs that make up the tripod that is relationship. Without one of these lags, the thing falls apart
[2009/01/06 8:09] ***VA***: so you came here to insult us
[2009/01/06 8:09] ***VA***: someone should ban this av
[2009/01/06 8:09] ***lB***: i think you're ridicolous
[2009/01/06 8:09] ***VA***: lemmy I do not care waht you think
[2009/01/06 8:09] ***lB***: for a man
[2009/01/06 8:09] ***lB***: ha!!!!
[2009/01/06 8:09] ***SB***: bye bye lemmy
[2009/01/06 8:09] ***ML***: ?
[2009/01/06 8:09] ***ML***: ????
[2009/01/06 8:10] Pirate Russell: ANY relationship, not just BDSM
[2009/01/06 8:10] ***VA***: idiot
[2009/01/06 8:10] Pirate Russell: Now wait!
[2009/01/06 8:10] ***VM***: Yikes
[2009/01/06 8:10] ***VA***: thank you who ever got rid of him
[2009/01/06 8:10] Pirate Russell: NOt everyone is into BDSM, and EVERYone is welcome in My classes
[2009/01/06 8:10] ***VM***: wrong class for him
[2009/01/06 8:10] ***SB***: thats fine
[2009/01/06 8:10] Pirate Russell: Not necessarily, ***VM***, EVERYone gets jealous, not just D/s
[2009/01/06 8:11] ***VA***: (kicks him with barbbed wire boot)
[2009/01/06 8:11] Pirate Russell: True we all share the common background, but I do allow, and treasure discenting opinions!
[2009/01/06 8:11] Minakothegothicgeisha Kamachi looks to see her boots have not been taken >_>
[2009/01/06 8:11] Pirate Russell: Granted lemmy could have expressed it better...
[2009/01/06 8:12] Pirate Russell: Anyway, who's got the next quesiton/comment
[2009/01/06 8:13] ***YS*** asks, "I have a question Miss Pirate."
[2009/01/06 8:13] ***SS***: Other than that person should have been horsewhipped with acid laced lashes?
[2009/01/06 8:13] ***ML***: lmao
[2009/01/06 8:13] Pirate Russell: Hold it for one second, I forgot one earlier
[2009/01/06 8:13] ***ML***: i am so very full odf discerning questions and comments
[2009/01/06 8:13] ***VA***: wb Master
[2009/01/06 8:13] Pirate Russell: ***IM***: Is there a point where jealosy acts as a motavator in a positive way, or is that called something else?
[2009/01/06 8:14] ***IM***: Thank You, Mistress.
[2009/01/06 8:14] Pirate Russell: I would use it as a motivator, dunno what else to call it.
[2009/01/06 8:14] ***ML***: most leaders of theses symposims probably have a chrning belly when they see MY pixel in attendence
[2009/01/06 8:14] ***IM***: Would it stop being called jealosy?
[2009/01/06 8:14] Pirate Russell: I strive for My girls not to want to go elsewhere.... and if I get jealous and petty, that's not gonna happen
[2009/01/06 8:14] ***SS***: A little jealousy, if it causes you to analyze what is causing it and leads to correcting the issue is not a bad thing
[2009/01/06 8:14] Pirate Russell: ***ML***, I'm glad to see you, LOTS of questions make My job EASY as PIE!
[2009/01/06 8:15] ***ML***: what if THEY begin to churn jealousy?
[2009/01/06 8:15] Pirate Russell: BUT... handled badly, Jealousy can ruin what was a GREAT relationship. REmember if you're jealous, you already have somthing of value!
[2009/01/06 8:15] ***ML***: do you use that emotion in them to um fester into something else positive so to speak?
[2009/01/06 8:15] Pirate Russell: If you didn't you wouldn't worry about losing it
[2009/01/06 8:16] ***SS***: You mean intentionally trying to make someone jealous?
[2009/01/06 8:16] ***IM***: That's a dangerous game.
[2009/01/06 8:16] ***ML***: THAT is just cruel and unusual punishments i think to intentionally instigate that emotion in another?
[2009/01/06 8:17] ***SS***: Me, I usually make them knock it off, and if they don't, I wind up stuffing my boot up their ass violently
[2009/01/06 8:17] Pirate Russell: And forbidden in My family. Playing "games" is STRICTLY FORBIDDIN, under penalty of dismissal, if I figure it out. Had one go that way!
[2009/01/06 8:17] ***IM*** nods
[2009/01/06 8:17] Pirate Russell: Fortuantely bad spelling is allowed! he he
[2009/01/06 8:17] ***ML***: whew
[2009/01/06 8:18] Pirate Russell: Bottom line, if something hurts, talk to the one that hurts you, at a time that is not going to inflame the situation further
[2009/01/06 8:18] ***ML*** is the QUEEN of typo gremlin
[2009/01/06 8:19] Pirate Russell: Went thur that with 3 girls at one time in IM last night
[2009/01/06 8:19] ***ML***: ouch
[2009/01/06 8:19] ***PD*** is fortunately (?) fluent in typonese
[2009/01/06 8:19] ***SS***: Aye. Like in the middle of them going down on you is NOT a good time to bring it up
[2009/01/06 8:19] Pirate Russell: NO, it was a good thing, got lots of stuff straightened out
[2009/01/06 8:19] Pirate Russell: Hiya Tristen, LONG time no see.
[2009/01/06 8:20] ***TN*** grins, Hi Pirate:)
[2009/01/06 8:20] Pirate Russell: We've run LONG today, and I should wrap up
[2009/01/06 8:20] ***ML***: should the situation be addressed to ALL parties involved or just your D/s?
[2009/01/06 8:20] Pirate Russell: I tell strangers sometimes! LOL
[2009/01/06 8:20] ***ML***: greetings Tristen
[2009/01/06 8:20] ***IM*** nods
[2009/01/06 8:21] Pirate Russell: I'll be teaching this same class Friday at 1p, RIGHT here
[2009/01/06 8:21] ***YS*** smiles at Miss Pirate.
[2009/01/06 8:21] Pirate Russell: Thanks for the best discussion EVER in My class
[2009/01/06 8:22] ***ML***: many thanks for all of yor patience and inputs to my ignorance today
[2009/01/06 8:22] ***VM***: wow.. and thanks MIss Pirate.. great class
[2009/01/06 8:22] Pirate Russell: Please, I'm well paid for being here, please keep your tips, buy somethign fun
[2009/01/06 8:22] ***KC***g: thank You Miss for another wonderful class
[2009/01/06 8:22] ***SS***: Questions breed answers. Answers breed understanding
[2009/01/06 8:22] ***ML***: thank you Miss Pirate.
[2009/01/06 8:23] ***SS***: Understanding breeds trust
[2009/01/06 8:23] ***ML***: whew
[2009/01/06 8:23] ***YS*** says, "Thank you Miss Pirate. Was a very enlightening discussion."
[2009/01/06 8:23] Pirate Russell: Crap, who tipped Me other than ***ML*** and ***SS***?
[2009/01/06 8:23] ***ML***: awwwwwww
[2009/01/06 8:23] ***XD***: i enjoyed all the questions and answers, I always learn a lot here
[2009/01/06 8:23] ***PD*** smiles...Thank you
[2009/01/06 8:23] Pirate Russell: So do I, Xuna, SO DO I!
[2009/01/06 8:23] ***XD***: :-)
[2009/01/06 8:23] ***YS*** smiles at Miss Pirate but her lips atr sealed.
[2009/01/06 8:23] ***ML***: enquioring minds needta know and i have the brave - sometimes brash gift o gab!
[2009/01/06 8:23] ***ML***: lol
[2009/01/06 8:23] ***SB***: thank you so much Pirate
[2009/01/06 8:24] ***SB***: and everyone else, very refreshing discussion
[2009/01/06 8:24] Pirate Russell: Please don't....
[2009/01/06 8:24] Pirate Russell: ....tip Me
[2009/01/06 8:24] Pirate Russell: Seriously
[2009/01/06 8:24] Pirate Russell: Class sismissed
[2009/01/06 8:25] ***VM***: thank you teacher : )
[2009/01/06 8:25] ***VM***: giggles
[2009/01/06 8:25] ***XD***: it was a great class
[2009/01/06 8:25] ***KC***g: good bye E/everyone
[2009/01/06 8:25] ***PD*** stands and wonders if TP's are actually going to work today
[2009/01/06 8:26] Pirate Russell: At least our hair doesn't endup up our arses anymore!
[2009/01/06 8:26] ***AH***: hoops
[2009/01/06 8:26] ***YS*** laughs softly and nods at Miss Pirate.
[2009/01/06 8:26] ***XD***: my shirt disappeared yesterday after a TP.. and i didn't know it.. now that was embarrassing
[2009/01/06 8:27] ***PD***: no, but I end up the oddest places sometimes...
[2009/01/06 8:27] ***IM*** giggles and thinks girl's hair occationally ends up in asses.
[2009/01/06 8:27] Pirate Russell: DANG, and I missed it, Xuna!
[2009/01/06 8:27] ***XD***: lol
[2009/01/06 8:27] ***XD***: i was at a bdsm sim so.. they weren't sure if i was doing it intential.. so they said nothing. lol
[2009/01/06 8:27] ***PD***: At least it wasn't a PG sim
[2009/01/06 8:27] ***XD***: nods
[2009/01/06 8:28] Pirate Russell: WHY do they default to a PG sim?!
[2009/01/06 8:28] ***XD***: oh well, i decided it was funny so i just laughed
[2009/01/06 8:28] ***XD***: my SL has been a problem for days
[2009/01/06 8:28] ***SB***: see you all soon :)
[2009/01/06 8:29] ***PD*** smiles at everyone, crosses her fingers, and hits the Home button
[2009/01/06 8:29] Pirate Russell: Home DEPOT button?