[7:09] Zealot Benmergui: During a recent discussion, the concept of Experience was brought up and caused a small verbal fistfight which sadly did not result in nudity
[7:09] ***MM*** laughs
[7:09] Zealot Benmergui: However, it seemed like enough of an issue to merit a closer look.
[7:09] ***SL*** i can get nude
[7:09] ***MM*** shudders to think of some of those people nude
[7:09] Zealot Benmergui: In an essay I wrote a few years ago, I referred to the Online D/s scene (then in a text-based virtual world) as “a slutty single’s bar where no one is really all that slutty, no one is actually single and I can’t find the fucking bar…” That is still true today. Maybe even more true about D/s in Second Life. The very name of the world makes clear the essential conundrum. A Second Life implies that we all have First Lives, and some may even have Third or Fourth Lives.
[7:09] ***EA***: well...***SL***?
[7:10] ***SL*** Lollipop pinches Zeke
[7:10] ***EA*** turns to ***SL*** ..."SHHHHHH!!!!!!"
[7:10] ***EA***: THE SCARY MAN IS TALKING
[7:11] Zealot Benmergui thinks scary thoughts
[7:11] Zealot Benmergui: Of course the sane (or at least the saner) amongst us admit that what happens in our first lives have bearing on how we live our Second Lives. Relationships, families, jobs, health issues, restraining orders, end stage syphilis…all of these can and should have profound effects on the things that take place in this virtual asylum.
[7:11] ***SL*** Lollipop is terrified
[7:11] Zealot Benmergui: However, Second Life also must be somewhat distinct. If it isn’t, there is really not much point to it. For one thing, there are things we can do virtually that we can’t do in the real world. Fly for instance, or have anal sex with giant cockroaches wearing ball gowns and bigassed Dj headphones.
[7:11] ***SL*** mmm anal
[7:12] ***MS*** with giant cockroaches?
[7:12] ***MM*** passes on the cockroaches
[7:12] ***MS*** me too.
[7:12] Zealot Benmergui: nothing like a chick with a tight thorax
[7:12] ***AG***: lol
[7:12] ***LW***: no roaches here, please
[7:12] ***SL*** i prefer ponies
[7:12] ***MS*** lol
[7:12] ***SL*** or dogs. i heara dog
[7:12] ***UM***: damn, was just goinog to change into my cockroach alt
[7:12] Zealot Benmergui: Nice thing about fucking roaches...fuck one, count eight
[7:13] ***MS*** lmao
[7:13] ***SL*** ewww
[7:13] ***AG***: ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
[7:13] Zealot Benmergui: However, who we are and what we have done in our pasts, be they real or virtual, DOES have a very important impact on our relationships in Sl or really any world…the confusing and subjective beast called “Experience”. Experience can take on many forms, and it seems to be viewed as a highly desirable trait for both Masters and submissive in SL. Before we look at that and consider if it is all it’s cracked up to be, let’s think about the different sorts of experience that are relevant to a D/s relationship.
[7:14] Zealot Benmergui: There is experience in BDSM, experience as Dom or a sub, or Experience as in "served 5-9 consecutive in Joliet"
[7:14] ***MM***: which may be similar depending....
[7:14] Zealot Benmergui: totally depends on the cell block
[7:15] Zealot Benmergui: and how good you are at making knives out of your own feces and chalk dust
[7:15] ***LW***: eww
[7:15] ***XD***: lol
[7:15] ***AG***: double ewwwwwwwwwwwwww
[7:15] Zealot Benmergui: There was a time when it was rare to find anyone with rl experience in the online community due to the fact it was perceived as being less then serious. These days however there is less of a stigma, especially since many people in the lifestyle in RL have realized what a resource the online world is for locating potential playmates. Therefore more and more people you meet online may have experience in either RL D/s relationships or BDSM clubs and organizations in real life.
[7:16] ***SL*** Lollipop throws up a little bit in my mouth
[7:16] Zealot Benmergui: However, Experience must always be taken with a grain of salt when online. anyone can say in their Profile they have “RL Experience”…”I have been a RL Dominant for 57 years and have at various times collared such celebrities as Jodie Foster, Pope John Paul II and Wayne Newton. I sweat Dominance, eating psychological torment on my cornflakes every morning. I have perfecting orgasm denial to the point that everyone on my mother sends me SMSes from the nursing home for permission to cum. When I want to cross the street, traffic doesn’t stop, it kneels and begs to suck my manroot…”
[7:16] Zealot Benmergui: *and
[7:16] ***SL*** Lollipop laughs
[7:16] ***LW***: OMG
[7:17] ***MM***: that was oddly erotic....
[7:17] ***AG*** snickers
[7:17] Zealot Benmergui: Of course, as with most things on Profiles….go prove it. Sadly there is no International Standards Board for Doms. No American Union of Sodomists and Skullfuckers Local 215. You can’t get certified in Advanced Duct Tape, though Girl Scouting used to give a merit badge in Scoutmaster Teasing. Therefore accepting a stranger’s claim of being Experienced at face value takes a small leap of faith.
[7:17] Zealot Benmergui: Often time that is a small leap off a large cliff...
[7:18] Zealot Benmergui: Claims may be made, group affiliations listed, former sub/Doms named, notes from your mother and/or prison matron produced….none of it really matters. Ultimately, regarding experience, the proof is in the penis. It is quite easy to tell who actually has experience based on the way they act and speak and treat the people around them, be they Dom or sub, Vanilla or bent as raspberry omelet. In the words of Dr. Emilio Lizardo, Character is what we are in the dark.
[7:18] ***LW***: to some people, r10 years l expereince means they read the
[7:20] Zealot Benmergui: YOu can always tell people who learned to be subs from the Beauty books...they are always oiling each other
[7:20] ***LW***: rofl
[7:20] ***MM***: lol I like those books though
[7:20] Zealot Benmergui: Since EVEN IF someone has Experience up the yin yang..”Yes, I was the first person to cum while tied in a half nelson and dangled from the Brooklyn bridge in a high wind…I got jism all over half of the five boroughs that day”…that doesn’t mean they are any good. Experience IS NOT skill, and should not be confused with it. No one ever became celibate because they were a lousy lay. Sad, but true.
[7:20] ***UM***: and slippiing off of each other
[7:20] ***LW***: lo
[7:21] Zealot Benmergui: Reading them is great..assuming they are D/s bibles are more problematic
[7:21] ***MM*** nods
[7:21] ***SL*** haha nite
[7:22] Zealot Benmergui: As to the usefullness of experience, I would venture a radical concept...that as far as ONLINE D/s is concerned, rl experience is a little bit useless...in fact it can often be misleading.
[7:23] Zealot Benmergui: ONLINE experience is more relevant to Online relationships, since so many of the things we go through in the online community may be similar to RL, but by nessecity are unique...it has become it's own sort of experienmce.
[7:24] Zealot Benmergui: If you are seeking an ONline Master or sub with experience, I would say you are better off seeing one with years spent in online communities rather then just RL...but as always, a mix of the two is nice.
[7:24] Zealot Benmergui: And of course...all of this makes one massive assumotion. That experience is needed, or even always good, in a D/S partner or playmate online.
[7:25] Zealot Benmergui: I have know several successful couples who both learned about D/s together, neither having experience.
[7:26] Zealot Benmergui: There is a great deal to be said for a willingness to learn as opposed to Experience, since often times Experience simply means you are trying to unlearn past lessons and mistakes
[7:26] Zealot Benmergui: They say that generals are always fighting the last war...I would say that Doms can also have a tendency to always be fucking their last sub
[7:26] ***MS*** Experience brings a lot of jaded feelings with it sometimes
[7:27] ***NS***: plus each sub is different
[7:27] Zealot Benmergui: They are to a degree trapped by their experience, by their expectations and assumptions.
[7:27] Zealot Benmergui: *nods..Exactly.
[7:28] Zealot Benmergui: The other drawback to Experience is the classic Catch 22...if everyone wants a sub with Experience, how is a new submissive supposed to gain any? Sitting at home flogging themselves in front of the mirror?
[7:28] ***NA***: lol
[7:28] ***AG***: quite a picture, that
[7:29] Zealot Benmergui: Calling the next door neighbor Master..or their Rageddy Andy doll?
[7:29] Zealot Benmergui: Experience can be a good thing, but it can be hard to gain, and carry it's own pitfalls.
[7:30] Zealot Benmergui: In short, I think their are many traits that should be looked for before Experience. Openess, a willingless to learn and be fully involved, not to mention whatever things you each seek in a Master or sub, to suit your ownn tastes
[7:30] Zealot Benmergui: Experience can ALWAYS be gained
[7:32] Zealot Benmergui: All of this is a somewhat long winded response to a statement made in the last lecture, that verified experience is essential in a DOM. I feel that 1) Experince is NOT required, 2) That experience cannot be verified, and 3) fucking giant insects really CAN be hot depending on if it has a sexy voice or not.
[7:32] ***MM*** laughs
[7:32] ***XD***: lol
[7:32] ***UM***: goingi back to the closet for that cockroach alt now!!
[7:33] Zealot Benmergui: and with that, we now open the floor to questions, comments, arguments, and random grunting noises
[7:33] Zealot Benmergui: plus, if any of you care to mate then bite the male's head off, feel free, we'll make popcorn
[7:33] ***AG***: yikes
[7:33] ***UM***: btw - that last remark was made in a deep sexy voice
[7:33] ***SL*** Lollipop grunts
[7:33] ***MM***: lol
[7:34] ***AG***: mmmmmmmmmmm
[7:34] Zealot Benmergui: Firsst, how many of you feel you have rl experience?
[7:34] Zealot Benmergui: Raise your left front mandible if you do
[7:34] ***SL*** i was abducted by aliens once
[7:34] ***AG***: so where does one go to figure out how to use all of the, ummmm, "equipment" etc I see around SL??
[7:34] ***MM*** looks around for her mandible
[7:35] Zealot Benmergui: Once Seks?..you're too modest
[7:35] ***SL*** Lollipop blushes
[7:35] ***UM***: i agree, Zealot - openmindedness and a willingness to experiment are more critical than a set agenda
[7:35] ***MM***: I agree to an extent
[7:35] ***AG***: yeah, zero experience here
[7:35] ***UM***: and here too
[7:35] ***MS*** raises her left mandible
[7:35] Zealot Benmergui: The equipment in Sl is usually best learned by trial and error
[7:36] ***NS***: spider
[7:36] ***MM***: the equipment irl is NOT
[7:36] Zealot Benmergui: but when testing new gear in a club or the store..i advise you to wear clothing
[7:36] ***AG***: hehehehe
[7:36] ***MS*** haha
[7:36] ***UM***: good point!
[7:36] ***XD***: i don't have a lot of RL exp, but I do have some.. and its creaping its way into my current Rl relationship at the moment too
[7:36] Zealot Benmergui: no...RL is something else completely, and is a totally different lecture
[7:36] ***MM***: and that is where I disagree to an extent...online sure...experience isn't necessary although I can save you having to suffer through alot of posturing
[7:37] ***MM***: but irl I won't consider being with someone without experience again
[7:37] Zealot Benmergui: nods...I was referring strictly to Online Mali..RL is another animal
[7:37] ***MM*** smiles
[7:37] ***MM***: yes Master
[7:37] ***SL*** punish her!
[7:37] ***AG***: lol
[7:37] ***MM*** gags ***SL***
[7:37] ***SL*** Lollipop laughs
[7:37] ***SL*** mmphphmmph
[7:38] Zealot Benmergui: IN RL, takingon an inexperienced DOm, especially if your tastes are more to the extreme, can be like hiring a rookie chainsaw juggler...someone is going to lose a limb.
[7:38] Zealot Benmergui: ONline however, it is a different matter
[7:38] Zealot Benmergui: especially as many people come to the lifestyle online to explore or learn if it suits them
[7:38] ***MM***: yes
[7:38] ***MM***: but even online you have to unlearn all that crap they read on the net
[7:39] ***MM***: that says asshole = Dom
[7:39] ***XD***: so.. are we only talking about online exp ?
[7:39] ***AG***: those two reallllllllllly nicely equiped rooms here off the main dance floor, are they usable by anybody??
[7:39] ***MS*** no the inexperienced Dom was ONline. The experience was RL
[7:39] ***MS*** (i think)
[7:39] ***MM***: not unless you want to be claimed
[7:39] Zealot Benmergui: That gets fuzzy Miss ***XD***..rl experience CAN be helpful online..for one thing, you don;t sound like a total dork
[7:39] Zealot Benmergui: "Umm..which end of this riding crop is the crop part, and which is the riding?"
[7:40] ***MS*** haha
[7:40] ***XD*** has both online and offline exp
[7:40] ***LW***: back sorry
[7:40] ***MM***: wb
[7:40] Zealot Benmergui: You can try them out Miss ***AG***,. but yes, be prepared for just about anyone to jump onto the poseball, and into you.
[7:41] ***SL*** yeah esp if i'm around
[7:41] ***AG***: hhhhmmmmmmmmm
[7:41] Zealot Benmergui: or find a likely test subjectin the club anbd ask them to help you out
[7:41] ***AG***: or bring my own friend along
[7:41] Zealot Benmergui: That works well too
[7:41] Zealot Benmergui: or make a new friend that way
[7:41] ***MM***: the difference between someone with experience and without CAN be (not always, some people remain clueless) that they know THEMSELVES better and what they seek....other experience is only as good as the person you were last with imo
[7:42] Zealot Benmergui: "Oh dear.,.I am trapped on this poseball with my ankles around my ears and my tender parts exposed..OH HELP ME..HELP
[7:42] ***XD***: lol
[7:42] ***MS*** Elitism where D/s is concerned is scary shit
[7:42] ***MM*** laughs
[7:42] Zealot Benmergui: nods..Quite right Mali..experience rl can certainly help you know what you want online, and what to avoid
[7:43] ***MM***: well how this topic came up was a bold assertion that if you aren't openly in the l/s irl you aren't experienced or you have to PROVE rl experience
[7:43] Zealot Benmergui: Elitism always exists to one degree or another...simple word of mouth and gossip will tell you who is worth your time and lingerie, and who isn't
[7:44] ***AG*** would NOT want to waste good lingerie
[7:44] Zealot Benmergui: nods...it was implied that you needed to be in a BDSM club or group so as to have people vouch for your kinkiness
[7:44] ***LW***: I have close to 15 years experience in the lifestyle, but I was an online noob to BDSM. I have computer experience, but not BDSM experience. it is a totally different experience. in RL a thought or expression can be made with body language and a look of the eyes, with online, you better be able to communicate effectively or else your message is lost.
[7:44] ***MM***: obviously, giving out a list of former lovers outs them to people they don't know...so this sentiment of proving things is ridiculous
[7:45] Zealot Benmergui: "Oh yeah, Dan? Kinky as shit man...once I say him do this trick with a bowling ball, a nerf football and three cheerleaders..WOW
[7:45] Zealot Benmergui: Amazed he got that nerf back
[7:45] ***LW***:
[7:45] Zealot Benmergui: not to mention darling...former lovers LIE
[7:46] ***MM***: true
[7:46] ***LW*** giggles.
[7:46] ***XD***: nods
[7:46] ***MM***: and many of those "groups" are nothing but drama and dogma
[7:46] ***MM***: and THAT can be the big difference in experience...many new people believe a bunch of crap about d/s
[7:46] Zealot Benmergui: Show up, talk pretencious shit, eat cookies, look at Madge being felt up by her husband, leave
[7:47] ***MM***: and learn over time there are no rules other than consent and you really shouldn't call ever female around you "girl" or send IMs saying "on your knees bitch" to people you don't know
[7:47] ***LW***: the first thing a sub should learn is there is nocomplete RIGHT answer.. there is a right answer for YOU
[7:47] ***MM***: every*
[7:47] ***MM***: however, lol, I do enjoy those IMs
[7:48] Zealot Benmergui sighs, remembering the days when On Your Knees, BITCH was a freindly greeting
[7:48] ***LW***: heh
[7:48] ***SL*** on your knees bitchgirl.
[7:48] ***MM***: fell free to IM me that any time Master
[7:48] ***SL*** oops wrong window
[7:48] ***NS***: laughs but it comes back to the point that each sub is different
[7:48] ***MM***: of course and that may work for some
[7:48] ***MM***: but assuming that's appropriate is a seriously flawed assumption
[7:48] Zealot Benmergui: if I called you bitch, you would get on your knees, but you would be giggling too hard to do anything else
[7:48] ***UM***: why is everyone suddenly on ther knees, ***SL***?
[7:48] ***MM***: the whole subs are less line of newbie thinking
[7:49] ***SL*** i'm tough
[7:49] Zealot Benmergui: again, one of the best parts of experi3ence is you usually don;t feel the need to make every nice looking avatar with her ass showing submit to you
[7:50] Zealot Benmergui: note I said Usually
[7:50] ***XD***: lol
[7:50] ***SL*** Lollipop pulls down my skirt
[7:50] ***MM***: there are certainly dogmatic ridiculous people out there with rl and online experience though
[7:50] ***MS*** so many subtle nuances can attract. avatars mean nothing, just a pile of pixels.
[7:50] ***MM***: so it really comes down to the person
[7:50] ***MM***: and the relationship
[7:50] ***MS*** it is nice to look at a good one, though.
[7:51] Zealot Benmergui: nods..which brings us back to the point that it is ALL subjective..experience is nice, but not required..a hot AV is nice, but not required...
[7:52] Zealot Benmergui: it boilds down to relationship..either there is a connection or there is not
[7:52] ***MM***: which are not really d/s concepts at all...start with the basics.....relationship stuff
[7:52] Zealot Benmergui: that connection can be love, or lust, or just a desire not to masterbate alone that night...either way. it's all good..and all individual
[7:53] Zealot Benmergui: So don;t ignore experience, rl or online..but don;t assume you need it....explore, learn, and enjoy whatever you do
[7:53] Zealot Benmergui: and throw that RAID shit away
[7:54] ***MM*** laughs
[7:54] ***SL*** too late
[7:54] ***MM***: this may not be timely...but Master...I did tell you sex with bugs was a hard limit right?
[7:54] ***MM*** grins
[7:55] ***SL*** i know a hot grasshopper
[7:55] ***MS*** haha
[7:55] Zealot Benmergui: The discussion can continue, just want to get some business complete before I uncollar mali
[7:55] ***AG***: hahahahaa okay, whats a hard limit?? are there soft limits too??
[7:55] ***MM*** laughs
[7:55] Zealot Benmergui: Remember, your lecturer DOES accept tips and has no dignity
[7:56] Zealot Benmergui: Second, my next lecture at House of V will be Monday morning, 00:30 AM SLT, and be on Alternate Alternate Lifestyles: Furry Goreans in Love.
[7:56] ***SL*** thank you mali!
[7:56] Zealot Benmergui: Sorry, Thursday
[7:56] Zealot Benmergui: not Monday
[7:56] ***XD***: furry goreans. lol
[7:57] ***AG*** plans to bring her lint brush
[7:57] Zealot Benmergui: +5 Curry Comb of Looting
[7:58] ***SL*** woof
[7:58] Zealot Benmergui: has anyone had a truly horrible experience with an inexperienced Dom or sub?
[7:58] ***MM***: every Im I get here, yes
[7:58] ***MM*** laughs
[7:58] ***LW***: you know experience is important, but if you find your match and they do not have the experience...don't let that stop you fromexploring with them...I am glad I did not let it stop me!
[7:58] Zealot Benmergui: I agree completely
[7:59] ***RV***: lol - all my horrible experiences were with experienced people
[7:59] Zealot Benmergui: And what Mali, you aren;t turned on by "You Hot woman, me want make hard sex in UR cunt?
[7:59] ***LW***: many can 'talk the talk' but the most important thing is 'walking the walk' if it feels right, and both are agreeable, go for it!!!
[8:00] ***MM*** laughs
[8:00] ***MM***: yeah that used to be true...now it's pretty much anyone that isn't you wanting sex from me
[8:01] ***SL*** awww
[8:01] Zealot Benmergui: ok, you can have your collar back...but ixnay on the anti ugsbay
[8:02] ***MM***: unfortunately often times No isn't an answer they will hear until you wrap it around their heads with your foot
[8:02] Zealot Benmergui: some things are the same, be it rl or SL
[8:02] ***SL*** just like a part time librarian
[8:02] Zealot Benmergui: Hey. I'm a part time librarian too
[8:03] ***SL*** awesome!
[8:03] ***MM***: LOL
[8:04] ***LW***: also, no matter how vanilla someone appears, or looks, does not have anything to do with their level of kink, BTW. ;)
[8:04] Zealot Benmergui: And with that, I will bid you all farewell and good luck
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