[13:09] Pirate Russell: Welcome to HOV's College of Kink!
[13:09] Pirate Russell: Just starting ***VS***, pull up a poseball
[13:10] Pirate Russell: My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor.
[13:10] Pirate Russell: I have been in SL for nearly 3 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[13:10] Pirate Russell: O/our topic today: The Repsonsibility of Dominance
[13:10] Pirate Russell: I would like to preface this with My usual, EVERY releationship is as different as those that are in it.
[13:11] Pirate Russell: The Highest Honour That A Dominant Could Ever Achieve Is The State Of Honour Itself. To Be Completely Respected And Trusted.
[13:11] Pirate Russell: There Are Some Definite Guidelines About Being A Dominant. With The Ever Growing Population Of "Chatrooms" There Appears To Be A Lot Of Confusion About The Dominants Role In The "Online" Lifestyle.
[13:11] Pirate Russell: The Foundation Of The Dominant Are Based On 3 Li'l Words:
[13:11] Pirate Russell: <
[13:12] Pirate Russell: Trust
[13:12] Pirate Russell: Honour
[13:12] Pirate Russell: Respect
[13:12] Pirate Russell: Each Dominant Should Be Able To Display Chararistics Of These Words, Both "Online" As Well As Offline.
[13:13] Pirate Russell: The Power Exchange Is About Trust Can You Trust Someone Who Dismisses Your Feelings Even In An "Online" Relationship.
[13:13] Pirate Russell: Playing In Other Chats Or Instant Messengers, Secretly Accepting Other "submissives" All The While He Is Claiming He Is "Trustworthy"?
[13:13] Pirate Russell: Is It Acceptable For A Dominant To Hide "Online" Things From His submissive?
[13:14] Pirate Russell: Especially If They Plan On A Real Time Meeting Or Relationship? If They Hiding Things Here, Wonders What They are going to Hide From You RL.
[13:14] Pirate Russell: One Of The Things A submissive Must Have Is The Confidence In Their Dominant Will Not Harm Them Nor Allow Harm To Come To Them.
[13:15] Pirate Russell: Trust Must Be Established. This Goes For The Mental Health As Well As The Physical Aspect Of The Relationship.
[13:15] Pirate Russell: Trust Will Grow As We Respect And Honour Each Other. Please Get To Know The Person You Are Considering To Be In A Relationship With.
[13:15] Pirate Russell: You Are Trusting Someone With The Most Precious Thing You Have...Your LIFE. You Can Quickly End Up In A Situation That Is Neither Safe, Sane, Nor Consensual.
[13:15] Pirate Russell: Can You Really Trust Your Life To Someone who Takes No Value Of The Words Trust, Honour & Respect?
[13:16] Pirate Russell: Dominants have rules too!
[13:16] Steel Shackle 1.14 (r forearm): ***RJ*** has detached her HUD cache !
[13:16] Pirate Russell: According to Rules for Masters by Jack Rinella <
[13:16] Pirate Russell: 1. Have some rules. Over time, of course, each one of us gains insight into what works and what doesn't. Some of this wisdom is codified into rules.
[13:17] Pirate Russell: Rules are protective, instructive, and helpful. Having rules means that you know yourself, know what you want and don't want, and understand that everyone, including yourself, has limits.
[13:17] Pirate Russell: I know some people think they have no limits. They are fooling themselves as we are all constrained by physical nature, economic considerations, legal issues, and moral and ethical realities.
[13:17] Pirate Russell: We are all limited by the rose colored glasses through which we see the world. Rules help us respect those limits and avoid the trouble that is encountered when we exceed them.
[13:17] Pirate Russell: 2. Make sure those rules are your rules. You can't (well you can if you want) just go out and find some rules and use them.
[13:17] Pirate Russell: Rules must take their life from who you are. Rules must reflect the authentic you. If they don't, they will be burdensome and unenforceable.
[13:18] Pirate Russell: Good rules, then, start from the first rule of life: "Know thyself." I guess I would then temper that with "Love, and then do whatever you will." That doesn't mean that you can't borrow or copy another's rules. By all means do so.
[13:18] Pirate Russell: There is no reason to reinvent the wheel. If Master so and so has a reason for doing something and you like it, then do it too. Just make sure the rules resonate with who you are and what you want.
[13:18] Pirate Russell: I can not be too strong in emphasizing the importance of the inner self in this arena of rule-making column.
[13:18] Pirate Russell: 3. Don't make brittle rules. Rules are helpful because they add clarity and facilitate decision making. Rules cut in stone become millstones and anchors.
[13:19] Pirate Russell: Now I have nothing against either of those things as we need to grind grain and anchor boats,
but if you think you can run your dungeon, your slave, or your life by a set of rules that are set in concrete or carved in granite, then you are kidding yourself.
[13:19] Pirate Russell: Better than a long list of rules, one might have a list of principles, guidelines for action. Certainly they may lend themselves to codification, but the spirit of the principle is much more important than the letter of the law.
[13:19] Pirate Russell: The Sabbath, after all, was made for man, not man for the Sabbath. Besides, there are always going to be exceptions and no amount of rule writing is going to cover all the possibilities.
[13:19] Pirate Russell: 4. Communicate those rules. It's obvious that we need to communicate rules to slaves so that they obey them. The same goes for rules for ourselves.
[13:20] Pirate Russell: Over time, I tell my applicants my rules and explain why I have them. I won't, for instance, let a write and talk endlessly.
[13:20] Pirate Russell: Are there exceptions? Sure. The date can be extended for lots of reasons, but the communication will be curtailed until the plane ticket is bought. It's simply a matter that if you're not ready, then please don't act like you are.
[13:20] Pirate Russell: Communicating your rules has some nice benefits. It shows you are in control, that you have an understanding of what you want and don't want, and that you've thought about being a Master.
[13:21] Pirate Russell: It also gives the a sense of security to know that you have rules too, such as "I will not have un-safe sex." Now he knows he doesn't have to worry about one thing anyway.
[13:21] Pirate Russell: 5. Remember man, that thou art dust; or get real. These Doms who think the world revolves around them need to think again.
[13:21] Pirate Russell: Humility is a still a virtue, even in a person who wields great power. Being in control doesn't that mean that a person needs to be haughty, egotistical, or obnoxious.
[13:21] Pirate Russell: If you are truly a person born to rule, then you have no need to put on airs. Pretense smells. Honesty, sincerity, and generosity have quite a different odor about them.
[13:21] Pirate Russell: There's also a side of this rule that inv
[13:22] Pirate Russell: If they aren't, they will be honored only in the breaking and you will be seen as living in a fantasy world. It's one thing, of course, to have a rule for a weekend scene, quite another to have a rule for living out the rest of your life
[13:22] Pirate Russell: 6. Stay above it. Just because the world is going to hell in a hand basket is no reason for you to do the same. Have high standards and stick to them.
[13:22] Pirate Russell: 7. Set benchmarks and progress points. A person becomes a doctor through a long and arduous series of learning experiences and tests that prove the experiences have had their desired effect.
[13:22] Pirate Russell: Each passing grade through high school, college, and med school contributes to the eventual M.D. Each evaluation, and not any single one, grants a person his or her license to practice medicine.
[13:22] Pirate Russell: It is no different for plumbers, electricians, or anyone else who wishes to acquire skill and standing.
[13:23] Pirate Russell: As you evaluate prospective slaves, recognize that this is a process and note their success or failure at each step of the way.
[13:23] Pirate Russell: Too often we want to jump to a full-blown contract while what are required are small steps and a gradual process.
[13:23] Pirate Russell: Heat milk quickly and it scalds, heat it slowly and it comes out just right.
[13:23] Pirate Russell: Running evaluations are helpful to everyone. Rules, after all, are meant to be helpful, indicative of reality.
[13:24] Pirate Russell: 8 Take responsibility. First and foremost you, top or bottom, are responsible for the consequences of your actions. Recognize that fact. Act responsibly. You are the one, after all, who wants to be in control.
[13:24] Pirate Russell: 9. When a person says one thing and does another, I always listen to what they do. That advice has stood me in good stead. I hope it does the same for you.
[13:24] Pirate Russell: I'd like to wind up today's talk with the Seven Pillars of Dominance:
[13:24] Pirate Russell: - A dominant is a ruler, but never a tyrant. But to rule requires understanding, and understanding requires humility.
[13:25] Pirate Russell: - A dominant has pride, but never arrogance. But pride requires dignity, and dignity requires humility.
[13:25] Pirate Russell: - A dominant commands respect, but never fear. But respect requires serenity, and serenity requires humility.
[13:25] Pirate Russell: - A dominant employs strength, but never force. But strength requires knowledge, and knowledge requires humility.
[13:25] Pirate Russell: - A dominant criticizes, but never derides. But criticism requires insight, and insight requires humility.
[13:25] Pirate Russell: - A dominant receives, but never takes. But receiving requires giving, and giving requires humility.
[13:26] Pirate Russell: - A dominant completes, but never tries to alter. But to complete one must be able to see what is there, not what is missing, and this most of all requires humility.
[13:26] Pirate Russell: If a dominant is the centre of a submissive's universe, it is because she thinks so, not because he does.
[13:26] Pirate Russell: No one is respected, let alone obeyed, just because. The truth of the matter is that owning is at least as much work as being owned.
[13:26] Pirate Russell: Citations: 2 notecards that were given to Me LONG ago.
[13:27] Pirate Russell: Questions?? Comments??
[13:27] ***TD***: me raises hand
[13:27] Pirate Russell: Yes,***TD***?
[13:28] ***TD***: humility is the center focal point of being a dominant, is it then true to say that in time a can learn to be a good dominant?
[13:29] Pirate Russell: Some of the best Dominants I know are switches! And learning to be a good one, and actually being one is 2 different things
[13:29] ***TD*** smiles
[13:29] Pirate Russell: I know My ry knows, how, I know My batla does, and My bunny, but they, for the most part, choose not to
[13:31] ***RJ***: it also helps if the sub has humility to begin with
[13:31] ***TD*** nods
[13:31] ***TD***: Isn't humility key to being a good
[13:32] ***RJ***: are all subs good subs?
[13:32] Pirate Russell: For the most part, humility is the key to being a good person!
[13:32] ***RJ***: no, because we're all human
[13:33] Pirate Russell: are all actors good actors, are all cashers good cashiers? Nope, same here, we all have our niches and sometimes extend ourselves into other areas
[13:34] Pirate Russell: ANyone else?
[13:36] Pirate Russell: C'mon y'all.... don't make Me call names! LOL
[13:36] ***TD*** giggles
[13:37] Pirate Russell: Well the bottom line is that Dominants should treat submissives with respect, and submissives should return the favor.
[13:37] ***HW***: so you'd say humility is the key to trust, honour and respect?
[13:37] ***KC***: doesn't being a good Domme also depend on the interaction between the sub and the Domme
[13:38] Pirate Russell: Yes, that's why EVERY releationshiop is different, My ry is VERY different from My ***IM***, I'm the same Domme, but I MUST treat them differently
[13:38] ***GM***: I had a former Dom who began to neglect me terribly and eventually I had to leave him. I tried to talk to him, but he was wrapped up in another slave. But he still felt he was in the right and I was wrong for leaving. How should I have handled it?
[13:38] Pirate Russell: Pretty much like you did!
[13:38] ***RJ***: ***GM*** - communication, and if you still felt neglected, leave sooner!
[13:38] ***HW***: you handled it the way you handled it ***GM*** - what did it teach you about you?
[13:38] ***GM***: lol
[13:38] Pirate Russell: I'm sure you come to SL to have fun.
[13:39] ***GM***: that I waited too long. and that he was a douche lol
[13:39] ***HW*** nods
[13:39] Pirate Russell: It's no fun to be neglected, and then he won't talk with you about it, you did what you could and moved on cuz you weren't happy
[13:39] Pirate Russell: You being Me to My favorite word...... ANYONE?!?!?!!?
[13:40] ***GM***: but he made me feel bad for leaving and never took responsibility for his own actions. it was very frustrating
[13:40] ***HW***: it's unlikely you'll allow that experience to be repeated with another ***GM***
[13:40] ***KC***: communication
[13:40] ***RJ***: communication, of course
[13:40] Pirate Russell: Well, ***GM***, you did the best you could
[13:40] Pirate Russell: good girls!
[13:40] ***RJ***: some bastards deserve to be muted
[13:40] ***HW***: lol
[13:40] ***HW***: very true
[13:40] ***IM*** points to her sister and says "What she said."
[13:40] Pirate Russell: Well, the dirty little secret of Online BDSM is that subbies have ALL the power.
[13:41] ***HW***: shhhh
[13:41] ***RJ***: i had one guy i was with very briefly, when i left him i said in IM that he wasn't a bad dom - he was no dom at all
[13:41] ***HW*** giggles
[13:41] Pirate Russell: if I pissed off ry bad enough, she could mute Me, return items, banMe from her land, an NOTHING I could do about it!
[13:41] ***KC***: yes girl knows someone like that too
[13:41] ***RJ***: if i had land, that is ;)
[13:41] Pirate Russell: Oh??? ry? need W/we COMMUNICATE later?
[13:41] ***KC***: girl calls Her a wannabe Mistress
[13:41] Pirate Russell: LOL
[13:42] ***RJ***: giggles
[13:42] ***RJ***: those 3 little words....
[13:42] ***TD***: giggles
[13:42] ***RJ***: "we gotta talk" ;)
[13:42] ***HW***: Pirate - can I add something?
[13:42] Pirate Russell: No it's 2 words..... "Yes Mistress"
[13:42] Pirate Russell: LOL
[13:42] Pirate Russell: go ahead ***HW***
[13:42] ***HW***: what you said earlier about trust honour and respect
[13:42] ***HW***: . .
[13:43] ***HW***: to me I've always said trust honesty and respect make any relationship - yhonour is the combination of the three
[13:43] Pirate Russell: yes, well, in My book...
[13:44] Pirate Russell: Honor is what You do, Respect is what I give you for your Honor, and Trust is what WE have from that process
[13:44] ***HW***: amd honesty?
[13:44] ***HW***: without it the rest fall apart
[13:44] Pirate Russell: Honesty binds honor and respect
[13:45] ***LS***: honesty is when you are able to notice any of the above happen.
[13:45] Pirate Russell: if I respect you, and have honor, do I lie?
[13:45] ***TD***: No
[13:45] Pirate Russell: now I'll tell you I LIE ALL THE TIME! he he
[13:45] ***VS***: I have a question
[13:46] Pirate Russell: But not to My girls, not to My Hubby... Not to My kids, Not to My Firends and Loved ones
[13:46] Pirate Russell: yes, ***VS***
[13:46] ***VS***: these are wonderful qualities for a great realtionship of any kind
[13:46] ***LS***: I have a question too.
[13:46] ***VS***: but, if yo see them not to be in place
[13:46] ***VS***: if things aren't perfect or even aren't great
[13:46] ***VS***: other than walking away,
[13:47] Pirate Russell: Well, we're ALL here to have fun
[13:47] ***VS***: how can you, get closer to those things,
[13:47] ***RJ***: talk out your issues
[13:47] Pirate Russell: If you're not having fun, you should talk to your partner, dom or not, and see if you can fix it so you get the relationship online
[13:47] ***RJ***: smiles - i hate to think how many hours Miss Pirate and i have talked things out ;)
[13:47] Pirate Russell: ry, I LOVE to think of us doing that
[13:48] ***RJ***: grins
[13:48] Pirate Russell: Same with ***IM***, we've talked eachother's ears off
[13:48] ***RJ***: talking for fun, yes - i meant the problems we've had from time to time
[13:48] Pirate Russell: And I"m CLOSE with My girls, prolly closer than any of My RL fun
[13:48] ***IM***: girl is thinking of making "Yes, Mistress" a hotkey.
[13:48] Pirate Russell: er RL Friends
[13:48] Pirate Russell glares at Her little one
[13:48] ***VS***: Pirte, do you think there is any difference in willingness to talk or listen, between male and female doms?
[13:48] ***HW***: oh dear
[13:48] ***HW***: lol
[13:48] ***IM***: Oops. and "Sorry, Mistress"
[13:49] ***RJ***: psst - make several ***IM***, with different plrasing... ;)
[13:49] ***TD*** giggles
[13:49] Pirate Russell: Probably. I don't deal with a lot of Doms in a close manner. I talk and such, but not nearly as closely as I do with female friends, and sub
[13:49] ***VS***: sorry
[13:50] Pirate Russell: Yes, I'm a sexist... or maybe a genderist
[13:50] Pirate Russell: he he
[13:50] ***HW***: nah - you're just picky
[13:50] ***HW***: :P
[13:50] ***LS***: And you really never lied to your husband?
[13:50] ***LS*** bows in all respect she can.
[13:50] Pirate Russell: Of course I have, but I've come clean VERY shortly after, conciences SUCK! LOL
[13:51] ***KC*** giggles
[13:51] ***TD*** smiles at Pirate
[13:51] Pirate Russell: I, and even Pirate, are human
[13:51] ***LS*** nots that down. .... if you lie, suck. Anything is fine.... "Thanks!!!" *grins*
[13:51] ***VS***: heheh
[13:52] Pirate Russell: That's a component, too! LOL
[13:52] ***RJ***: it's sort of like speed limits - everyone speeds, even off-duty police - but if you do it for something big, you get busted
[13:52] ***TD*** nods
[13:52] ***HW*** is terrible for speeding and wonders what would happen if sh ever got a car
[13:53] ***RJ***: we'd have to clear the sidewalks and the roads ***HW*** ;)
[13:53] ***LS***: Does that mean, the target is more important than the way to get there?
[13:53] ***LS*** knows, if that is the case, her hubbie is up for a lot of sucking....
[13:53] ***RJ***: lying - hmmm
[13:54] Pirate Russell: Honest, ry, I NEVER lie! I LOVE your hair! LOL
[13:54] ***RJ***: utter complete honesty can end up being as bad as lying like bill clinton
[13:54] ***TD*** scoots away from Rylla
[13:54] ***HW***: yeah - 'I'm doing great today'
[13:54] ***HW***: lol
[13:54] ***LS***: You can have it, I hate it. Its transfer. Cant wait to see you wear it ;P
[13:54] ***IM***: "I have a headache."
[13:54] ***RJ***: you have to use your honesty, integrity, and so on - and decide how much of the trush you should tell
[13:54] ***HW***: 'wow you've really lost wieght'
[13:54] Pirate Russell: Dont' worry ***IM***, I won't bother your head.....
[13:55] ***IM*** giggles
[13:55] Pirate Russell: Do these jeans make My ass look big?
[13:55] ***KC*** laughs out loud
[13:55] ***LS***: If you have to ask, they probabely do....
[13:55] ***HW***: no but your ass makes the jeans look wierd
[13:55] ***HW***: ^^
[13:55] ***GM***: it is the biggest I have ever seen, honey
[13:55] ***RJ***: "oh yes honey, like one of those rap girls" - Famous Last Words of a husband
[13:55] Pirate Russell: Yay, I'd HATE to think I had a nice ass! LOL
[13:56] ***HW*** chuckles while admiring Priates nice ass
[13:56] ***LS***: My hubbie once answered "The jeans doesnt, your ass does.".... at least he has honesty and dignitiy. Right?
[13:56] Pirate Russell: I asked Hubby onetime, "Does this skirt make My ass look big", and he replied, "Do you think I'm stupid enough to answer that?"
[13:57] ***LS***: Which translates "Yes", I am afraid.
[13:57] Pirate Russell: Anyway, yes, we all lie
[13:57] Pirate Russell knows she has a fat ass, so it's not that big a deal!
[13:58] Pirate Russell: Anyway, does anyone else have anything??
[13:58] ***LS*** loves big asses.... and will shut up now.
[13:58] Pirate Russell: Questions??
[13:58] Pirate Russell: Comments???
[13:58] Pirate Russell: Dirty Jokes????
[13:58] ***RJ***: please! ;)
[13:58] ***TB***: I'll just thank you for the class, Pirate....
[13:58] ***TB***: I need to be on my way...
[13:59] ***RJ***: take care
[13:59] ***TB***: Goodbye all....take care.
[13:59] ***TD***: bye tyge
[13:59] ***HW***: have fun
[13:59] Pirate Russell: it's My pleasure, and the transcript of this class will join the rest at http://collegeofkink.blogspot.com
[13:59] ***HW***: \o/
[13:59] ***HW***: good class Pirate
[13:59] Evelin Constantine: thank you very much Miss Pirate, very informative
[14:00] Pirate Russell: Tanks and you're welcome
[14:00] ***LS***: Yes. thank you very much.
[14:00] ***AP***: Another enjoyable class, Miss Pirate, thank you for sharing!
[14:00] ***nS***: thank you for tha class Miss, it was very interesting
[14:01] Pirate Russell: Class is dismissed, ***IM*** and ry, see Me after class! ;-)
[14:01] ***KC*** thanks Miss for another enjoyable session
[14:01] ***RJ***: YAY!
[14:01] ***HW***: lol
[14:01] ***TD*** laughs
[14:01] ***HW***: tc A/aal
[14:01] Pirate Russell: He he
[14:01] ***IM***: Uh, oh. W/we're going to "Communicate" again.
[14:01] Pirate Russell: Bye ***HW***, w'll look int that other issue, too! ;-)
[14:02] ***VS***: Thank you, Mistress Russell
[14:02] ***KC***'s collar: ***KC*** gives ***IM*** a big hug.
[14:02] ***KC***: mmmmm nice as always sis
[14:02] ***IM***: mmmmmmm
[14:02] Pirate Russell: I'd be happy to!
[14:02] ***KC***: thanks for the tp sis
[14:02] ***TD***: thank you Miss Pirate
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