[7:08] Pirate Russell: Welcome to HOV's College of Kink!
[7:08] Pirate Russell: My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor.
[7:08] Pirate Russell: I have been in SL for nearly 3 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
[7:08] Pirate Russell: O/our topic today: The Repsonsibility of Dominance
[7:09] Pirate Russell: I would like to preface this with My usual, EVERY releationship is as different as those that are in it.
[7:09] Pirate Russell: The Highest Honour That A Dominant Could Ever Achieve Is The State Of Honour Itself. To Be Completely Respected And Trusted.
[7:09] Pirate Russell: There Are Some Definite Guidelines About Being A Dominant. With The Ever Growing Population Of "Chatrooms" There Appears To Be A Lot Of Confusion About The Dominants Role In The "Online" Lifestyle.
[7:09] Pirate Russell: The Foundation Of The Dominant Are Based On 3 Li'l Words:
[7:10] Pirate Russell: Trust
[7:10] Pirate Russell: Honour
[7:10] Pirate Russell: Respect
[7:10] Pirate Russell: Each Dominant Should Be Able To Display Chararistics Of These Words, Both "Online" As Well As Offline.
[7:10] Pirate Russell: The Power Exchange Is About Trust Can You Trust Someone Who Dismisses Your Feelings Even In An "Online" Relationship.
[7:10] Pirate Russell: Playing In Other Chats Or Instant Messengers, Secretly Accepting Other "submissives" All The While He Is Claiming He Is "Trustworthy"?
[7:10] ***RK***: a question please
[7:11] Pirate Russell: Is It Acceptable For A Dominant To Hide "Online" Things From His submissive?
[7:11] Pirate Russell: Can you hold it to the end, ***RK***?
[7:11] Pirate Russell: The class is 3/4 - 2/3 questions after Italk a few min
[7:11] ***RK*** crosses his legs and tries to hold it till the end
[7:11] Pirate Russell: Thanx
[7:11] Pirate Russell: Especially If They Plan On A Real Time Meeting Or Relationship? If They Hiding Things Here, Wonders What They are going to Hide From You RL.
[7:12] Pirate Russell: One Of The Things A submissive Must Have Is The Confidence In Their Dominant Will Not Harm Them Nor Allow Harm To Come To Them.
[7:12] Pirate Russell: Trust Must Be Established. This Goes For The Mental Health As Well As The Physical Aspect Of The Relationship.
[7:12] Pirate Russell: Trust Will Grow As We Respect And Honour Each Other. Please Get To Know The Person You Are Considering To Be In A Relationship With.
[7:12] Pirate Russell: You Are Trusting Someone With The Most Precious Thing You Have...Your LIFE. You Can Quickly End Up In A Situation That Is Neither Safe, Sane, Nor Consensual.
[7:12] Pirate Russell: Can You Really Trust Your Life To Someone who Takes No Value Of The Words Trust, Honour & Respect?
[7:13] Pirate Russell: Yes, Dominants have rules too!
[7:13] Pirate Russell: According to Rules for Masters by Jack Rinella <
[7:13] Pirate Russell: 1. Have some rules. Over time, of course, each one of us gains insight into what works and what doesn't. Some of this wisdom is codified into rules.
[7:13] Pirate Russell: Rules are protective, instructive, and helpful. Having rules means that you know yourself, know what you want and don't want, and understand that everyone, including yourself, has limits.
[7:13] Pirate Russell: I know some people think they have no limits. They are fooling themselves as we are all constrained by physical nature, economic considerations, legal issues, and moral and ethical realities.
[7:14] Pirate Russell: We are all limited by the rose colored glasses through which we see the world. Rules help us respect those limits and avoid the trouble that is encountered when we exceed them.
[7:14] Pirate Russell: 2. Make sure those rules are your rules. You can't (well you can if you want) just go out and find some rules and use them.
[7:14] Pirate Russell: Rules must take their life from who you are. Rules must reflect the authentic you. If they don't, they will be burdensome and unenforceable.
[7:14] Pirate Russell: Good rules, then, start from the first rule of life: "Know thyself." I guess I would then temper that with "Love, and then do whatever you will." That doesn't mean that you can't borrow or copy another's rules. By all means do so.
[7:15] Pirate Russell: There is no reason to reinvent the wheel. If Master so and so has a reason for doing something and you like it, then do it too. Just make sure the rules resonate with who you are and what you want.
[7:15] Pirate Russell: I can not be too strong in emphasizing the importance of the inner self in this arena of rule-making column.
[7:15] Pirate Russell: 3. Don't make brittle rules. Rules are helpful because they add clarity and facilitate decision making. Rules cut in stone become millstones and anchors.
[7:15] Pirate Russell: Now I have nothing against either of those things as we need to grind grain and anchor boats,
[7:15] Pirate Russell: but if you think you can run your dungeon, your slave, or your life by a set of rules that are set in concrete or carved in granite, then you are kidding yourself.
[7:16] Pirate Russell: Better than a long list of rules, one might have a list of principles, guidelines for action. Certainly they may lend themselves to codification, but the spirit of the principle is much more important than the letter of the law.
[7:16] Pirate Russell: The Sabbath, after all, was made for man, not man for the Sabbath. Besides, there are always going to be exceptions and no amount of rule writing is going to cover all the possibilities.
[7:16] Pirate Russell: 4. Communicate those rules. It's obvious that we need to communicate rules to slaves so that they obey them. The same goes for rules for ourselves.
[7:16] Pirate Russell: Over time, I tell my applicants my rules and explain why I have them. I won't, for instance, let a write and talk endlessly.
[7:16] Pirate Russell: He has got to show up at my doorstep within 6-8 weeks of our initial meeting. Why? Because I'm not into cybersex.
[7:17] Pirate Russell: Are there exceptions? Sure. The date can be extended for lots of reasons, but the communication will be curtailed until the plane ticket is bought. It's simply a matter that if you're not ready, then please don't act like you are.
[7:17] Pirate Russell: Communicating your rules has some nice benefits.
[7:17] Pirate Russell: It shows you are in control, that you have an understanding of what you want and don't want, and that you've thought about being a Master.
[7:17] Pirate Russell: It also gives the a sense of security to know that you have rules too, such as "I will not have un-safe sex." Now he knows he doesn't have to worry about one thing anyway.
[7:17] Pirate Russell: 5. Remember man, that thou art dust; or get real. These Doms who think the world revolves around them need to think again.
[7:18] Pirate Russell: Humility is a still a virtue, even in a person who wields great power. Being in control doesn't that mean that a person needs to be haughty, egotistical, or obnoxious.
[7:18] Pirate Russell: If you are truly a person born to rule, then you have no need to put on airs. Pretense smells. Honesty, sincerity, and generosity have quite a different odor about them.
[7:18] Pirate Russell: There's also a side of this rule that stresseses practicality. Your rules need to be pragmatic, workable, reasonable, measurable, and enforceable.
[7:18] Pirate Russell: If they aren't, they will be honored only in the breaking and you will be seen as living in a fantasy world. It's one thing, of course, to have a rule for a weekend scene, quite another to have a rule for living out the rest of your life.
[7:19] Pirate Russell: 6. Stay above it. Just because the world is going to hell in a hand basket is no reason for you to do the same. Have high standards and stick to them.
[7:19] Pirate Russell: 7. Set benchmarks and progress points. A person becomes a doctor through a long and arduous series of learning experiences and tests that prove the experiences have had their desired effect.
[7:19] Pirate Russell: Each passing grade through high school, college, and med school contributes to the eventual M.D. Each evaluation, and not any single one, grants a person his or her license to practice medicine.
[7:20] Pirate Russell: It is no different for plumbers, electricians, or anyone else who wishes to acquire skill and standing.
[7:20] Pirate Russell: As you evaluate prospective slaves, recognize that this is a process and note their success or failure at each step of the way.
[7:20] Pirate Russell: Too often we want to jump to a full-blown contract while what are required are small steps and a gradual process.
[7:20] Pirate Russell: Heat milk quickly and it scalds, heat it slowly and it comes out just right.
[7:21] Pirate Russell: Running evaluations are helpful to everyone. Rules, after all, are meant to be helpful, indicative of reality.
[7:21] Pirate Russell: 8. Don't talk it all to death.
[7:21] Pirate Russell: We are, after all, trying to develop real relationships. If I'm never going to meet you, I'm never going to be your master. You can pretend all you want on the phone.
[7:21] Pirate Russell: It might even get you off. But one of my rules is that until you've shaken hands, you haven't met. Until I can lo
[7:22] Pirate Russell: 9. Take responsibility. First and foremost you, top or bottom, are responsible for the consequences of your actions. Recognize that fact. Act responsibly. You are the one, after all, who wants to be in control.
[7:22] Pirate Russell: 10. When a person says one thing and does another, I always listen to what they do. That advice has stood me in good stead. I hope it does the same for you.
[7:22] Pirate Russell: I'd like to wind up today's talk with the Seven Pillars of Dominance:
[7:22] Pirate Russell: - A dominant is a ruler, but never a tyrant. But to rule requires understanding, and understanding requires humility.
[7:22] Pirate Russell: - A dominant has pride, but never arrogance. But pride requires dignity, and dignity requires humility.
[7:23] Pirate Russell: - A dominant commands respect, but never fear. But respect requires serenity, and serenity requires humility.
[7:23] Pirate Russell: - A dominant employs strength, but never force. But strength requires knowledge, and knowledge requires humility.
[7:23] Pirate Russell: - A dominant criticizes, but never derides. But criticism requires insight, and insight requires humility.
[7:23] Pirate Russell: - A dominant receives, but never takes. But receiving requires giving, and giving requires humility.
[7:24] Pirate Russell: - A dominant completes, but never tries to alter. But to complete one must be able to see what is there, not what is missing, and this most of all requires humility.
[7:24] Pirate Russell: In short, to use an archaic phrase, noblesse oblige.
[7:24] Pirate Russell: If a dominant is the centre of a submissive's universe, it is because she thinks so, not because he does.
[7:24] Pirate Russell: No one is respected, let alone obeyed, just because. The truth of the matter is that owning is at least as much work as being owned.
[7:24] Pirate Russell: ***RK***, you get the 1st question today, thanx for waiting for the end!
[7:25] ***RK***: first, let me say that that was excellent
[7:25] ***RK*** applauds
[7:25] Pirate Russell: Thank you
[7:25] ***RK***: how would you define, in terms of D/s, the difference between honour and respect?
[7:26] ***RK***: aren't they virtually the same thing?
[7:26] Pirate Russell: Honour, to Me is how you conduct yourself, integrety
[7:26] Pirate Russell: respect is what others give you to (sorry) Honour your Honour
[7:26] ***RK***: ok,
[7:26] ***RK*** smiles
[7:26] ***RK***: its a fine difference
[7:26] ***PM***: Exactly
[7:26] Zealot Benmergui: One is external, one is internal
[7:26] Pirate Russell: Basically Honour is how you conduct yourself, Respect is the reward from others
[7:27] ***RK***: I think you could just cut it all to "Respect"
[7:27] Zealot Benmergui: No, behaving honourably is far more complex then simply Respect
[7:27] ***RK***: if you respect others, then by definition, you are acting with honour :-)
[7:27] ***IM***: There was a line in the movie Rob Roy about that. "Honor is the gift a man gives himself"
[7:27] Zealot Benmergui: Not always
[7:27] Pirate Russell: Unfortunately, I"m not smart enough to write most of this, but I do 'steal that' LOL
[7:27] ***IM***: respect is what you give others.
[7:28] ***RK***: ok, I take the point, but i think the two are the different sides of the same coin
[7:28] ***RJ***: maybe honor has to do with how you view yourself, and respect is more how others view you?
[7:29] Zealot Benmergui: I think it is worth repeating that the rules you discussed today Pirate are from a RL Dom
[7:29] Pirate Russell: I see it more as Honour is how you conduct your life, and respect is the reward for that integrety
[7:29] ***RK***: thats a good definition Pirate
[7:29] ***RK***: i'll go with that :-))
[7:29] ***PM***: Yes, but you have to be honorable in order to deserve respect.
[7:30] ***VV*** smiles at ***PM***.
[7:30] Pirate Russell: And of course, honour is U/us doing the right thing, ESPECIALLY when nobody's looking
[7:30] ***IM***: And even then you won't necessarly get it.
[7:30] ***RK***: but now you have confused it by introducing "integrity";-(
[7:30] Zealot Benmergui: Character is what you are in the dark
[7:30] ***RK***: oh god, now we have "character" too
[7:30] Pirate Russell: Ok, Z, enough new words! LOL
[7:31] Zealot Benmergui: I am so sorry, I will stop flisticulating
[7:31] Pirate Russell: that would be appreciated! :P
[7:31] ***RK***: excuse me teacher, but he flisticuklated over me
[7:31] Zealot Benmergui: Caruthian.
[7:31] ***BB*** laughs
[7:31] ***VV*** nods at Zealot. Character is what is revealed when the chips are down. That is when we see what a person is made of.
[7:31] Pirate Russell: Though, I respect the hounour and character of your voluminous vocabulary!
[7:32] ***VV*** laughs
[7:32] Pirate Russell: ***BACK ON TOPIC***
[7:32] Pirate Russell: Do we have respect and honour sorted out, ***RK***?
[7:32] ***RK***: lol, lol
[7:33] ***RK***: dare I say "No"?
[7:33] Pirate Russell: If you don't, I'd appreciate it if you did!
[7:33] ***RK***: I'm happy
[7:34] Pirate Russell: Next question?
[7:34] ***LD***: respect and honor work externely and internally, you give honor to yourself but living up to your standards, you give honor to others by always doing what you stand for
[7:34] ***LD***: respect works same way
[7:35] Pirate Russell: True, ***LD***
[7:35] ***SB***: thank you very much, Pirate
[7:35] ***LD***: you respect yourself when you stive of excellence and you respect other when you help them achieve excellence
[7:35] ***SB***: very interesting class
[7:35] Pirate Russell: Or when you watch them do so
[7:35] Zealot Benmergui: I admit I took exception to the way the Dom who wrote those rules dismissed online contact, demanding on shaking hands...I got the impression he was very rigid and a bit pompous over such things
[7:35] ***SB***: i must leave now
[7:36] ***SB***: see you soon
[7:36] Pirate Russell: I respect a LOT of folk that I've never even met, much less helped
[7:36] Pirate Russell: See ya later, ***SB***
[7:36] ***RK***: I agree Zealot
[7:36] ***IM***: That was this girl's thought too, Sir Zealot.
[7:36] ***LD***: yes many dismiss online as unreal, dut Dominabnce and submission is a power exchange, can happen any where
[7:37] ***RJ***: it is one of his rules
[7:37] ***RK***: Its isn't posible for me to have D/s relationship in RL, but I make the ones here as real as they can be
[7:37] ***RK***: adding RL elements as appropriate
[7:37] Zealot Benmergui: his idea that to be real a girl has to buy a plane ticket was a bit absurd, at least from my experience
[7:37] ***RK***: i agree
[7:37] Pirate Russell: Same here, ***RK***, I did call My Hubby 'boy' once, however, he looked at Me sideways
[7:37] ***RK***: especially if she lives 2 doors away
[7:37] Zealot Benmergui: and I have had girls do so...once without telling me in advance...
[7:38] ***LD***: just another horney "master",,,,lol
[7:38] ***VV***: whew
[7:38] Pirate Russell: yeah, not a lot written on Online BDSM, yet
[7:38] Zealot Benmergui poubts to the transcript of his lecture last Monday
[7:38] Zealot Benmergui: *points
[7:38] Pirate Russell shoots a tack at Z's ego!
[7:38] Zealot Benmergui: owwww
[7:39] Pirate Russell: Actually it was quite good, and WILL BE POSTED TODAY, I PROMISE! he he
[7:39] ***LD***: lol
[7:39] Zealot Benmergui quietly deflates
[7:39] Zealot Benmergui: hey, how did everybody het so biiggggggggg
[7:39] ***ML***: question Miss .. at the beginning of your lecture you mentioned, playing in other chats or IM with other subs and is it acceptable for Dome to hid online things from his Sub? what exactally were you meaning?
[7:39] ***LD***: in my case it was breast surgery, lol
[7:40] Pirate Russell: Sneaking around, cheating.
[7:40] ***IM***: Dishonesty.
[7:41] Pirate Russell: In My initial talks with prospective subbies, I make it VERY clear that I have other subbies, other subbie friends, and 'equal' friends
[7:41] ***TN*** nods
[7:41] ***TN***: Honesty is always best policy
[7:41] Zealot Benmergui: I believe in discretion...not everyone likes others knowing their business...but I do not lie about things, or deny them...I tella girl in advance I will not be monogomous, and I will not report to them.
[7:42] Zealot Benmergui: which goes back to knowing yourself, and setting your own rules
[7:42] ***RK***: here we come to honesty
[7:42] Pirate Russell: Very first line in My proifle, "The Preeminent Polyamorous Lesbian Alpha Bitch Domme of SL ™. " Polyamorous is right there, 3rd word
[7:42] ***RK***: seting standards and sticking to them consistently
[7:43] Zealot Benmergui: and Bitch is sixth....
[7:43] Pirate Russell: And the other "C" word....... ***KC***?
[7:43] Zealot Benmergui: *grins
[7:43] ***KC***: communication Miss
[7:43] Zealot Benmergui: Congratulations Miss Carling, you said the secret word
[7:43] Zealot Benmergui gives her a duck
[7:43] Pirate Russell: Exactly, if I'm sneaking aroudn behind ***RJ***'s and ***IM***'s backs, am I communicating with them? Nope!
[7:44] Pirate Russell: Thank you, Groucho Benmergui!
[7:44] ***ML***: sorry guys
[7:44] ***PM***: Do what you will, but be upfront. :)
[7:45] ***VV*** nods.
[7:45] ***IM***: How about when rules change?
[7:45] Pirate Russell: Communication. If I don't tell girl the rules change, how can I hold her responsible for that behaviour?
[7:45] ***RJ***: back to the C word then
[7:45] Zealot Benmergui: inform the other ASAP..when possible, tell them in advance or discuss the changes if you can
[7:45] Pirate Russell: Same thing with limits.
[7:46] Pirate Russell: I know ry's limits have changed since W/we met
[7:46] ***RJ*** nods
[7:46] ***ST***: the confusion in sl occurs because it is a role playing game, some play the role of who they really are, some play who they wish they were, and some just play
[7:46] Zealot Benmergui: and that is the first thing you need to communicate
[7:46] ***ST***: opps sorry that was suppose to be in am im
[7:47] Zealot Benmergui: one of the first questions I will ask a girl I am becoming serious about is "What do you want from this?"
[7:47] ***ST***: whacks my fingers
[7:47] Pirate Russell: Very true, Sharpest. That is why I take My time, collaring any girl. It's a releationship, not unlike a marriage in RL. I'm in SL 3 yrs next month, I'm here for the long haul. I don't have capricious collarings!
[7:47] Zealot Benmergui: but it worked in the discussion anyway
[7:47] ***LD***: WHACKS them for you
[7:47] ***AP*** smiles
[7:47] ***PM***: whacks on ... whacks off ???
[7:48] Zealot Benmergui: unlike misposting something like "No..put more chocolate syrup on the guinea pig...and then push really slowly unless I safe word..."
[7:48] ***PM*** shameful ... sorry. :)))
[7:48] ***AP*** smiles again!
[7:48] ***IM*** giggles
[7:48] Zealot Benmergui: didn;t Mr, Miyagi say that..Whacks on, Whacks off?
[7:48] Gracie Hotshot: *GIGGLES* :)~~~~
[7:49] Zealot Benmergui: explains a lot about Ralph Macchio
[7:49] ***AP*** trying not to burst!
[7:49] Pirate Russell: As in, what ever happened to him??? LOL
[7:49] ***RJ***: he burst ;)
[7:49] ***VV*** guffaws into her hand.
[7:50] Zealot Benmergui: crane style yet
[7:50] Zealot Benmergui: one foot up
[7:50] Pirate Russell: Ok, ok, Back in the general direction of the topic, at least
[7:50] Pirate Russell: Yes, Mr Miyagi was a Dom, Danielsan was not... he he
[7:50] ***LD***: good bye to all, nice class, you may stay sharp
[7:51] ***ST***: thank you Mistress
[7:51] ***VV***: Take care, LD
[7:51] ***AP*** waves to ***LD*** Bye!
[7:51] Pirate Russell: Ciao for now, ***LD***
[7:51] Winterspell Runo: I must leave as well, great discussion, thank you
[7:52] Pirate Russell: Farewell Winterspell (Dang, that sounded like a video game or romance novel)
[7:53] ***VV***: take care, Winterspell
[7:53] Zealot Benmergui: then it would need to be Farewell, Winterspell Dono
[7:53] ***AP*** smiles!
[7:53] Pirate Russell: or in My case Dunno
[7:55] Pirate Russell: Well, if there's no more questions, comments or dirty jokes.....
[7:55] Zealot Benmergui: We mentioned that the Dom who wrote those rules was focused on rl meetings...what is your take on take on that Pirate..how essential is at least some kind of rl interaction?
[7:55] ***RJ***: rules are like shoes
[7:55] Zealot Benmergui: Imelda marcos has a shitlopad of them?
[7:55] ***RJ***: you have to try them on to see if they fit you, and if they don't fit you can't wear them for long
[7:55] ***AP*** ears pick up...shoes?
[7:56] Pirate Russell: he he, true, sweetie, and girl knows I mod my rules for extreme circumstances
[7:57] ***RJ***: and as for zealot's comment - he IS a RL dom, not an online dom - so that's one of his rules, and he'd probably modify that if he found SL BDSM of interest ;)
[7:57] Pirate Russell: Or I could have, but again, I ain't that sharp! LOL
[7:58] Pirate Russell: Well I'd like to thank y'all for coming! This is My biggest class to date!
[7:59] ***KC***: wooohooo
[7:59] Pirate Russell: If you liked it tell a friend, if you didn't, keep it to your self!
[7:59] Pirate Russell: LOL, kidding, if you don't tell Me
[7:59] Zealot Benmergui: Congrats
[7:59] ***AP*** says "Thank you, MIss"
[7:59] Pirate Russell: Thanks, Z and welcome A
[7:59] Pirate Russell: He he
[8:00] ***PM***: Yes Pirate, thank you so much. Very much worth our time.
[8:00] ***AP***: a very enjoyable and informative class, Miss!
[8:00] Pirate Russell: And the same topic, and hopefully new quiestions to keep it fresh on Thur, right here 4pSLT, and Zealots' class Mondays 7a
[8:01] ***RK***: thanks Pirate, excellent as always
[8:01] ***VV***: Thanks very much Pirate ......good stuff.
[8:01] Pirate Russell: Z, got a teaser?
[8:01] ***KC***: thank You again MIss. as always girl enjoyed the discussion.
[8:01] Pirate Russell: Thanks, Y/y'all
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