AFTER CARE - Thursday

2008/07/31 12:07

Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor. I have been in SL for nearly 3 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
Pirate Russell: Our topic today, "After Care".
Pirate Russell: Aftercare is the last act of the SM scene.
Pirate Russell: It is the culmination, the pulling together of all loose ends, the finishing touches, the final communion between sharers of the SM ritual, the phase where the participants (usually the tops) formally give the fantasy scene a context in everyday reality.
Pirate Russell: It's technical purpose is to transition both players from the elevated states created in a scene back into normalcy, returning to the control and awareness they will need to move on in RL and SL once the scene is over.
Pirate Russell: But as any good SM practitioner will tell you, it's much more than that.
Pirate Russell: It is the time after the action when the participants come together in mutual affirmation that something special was created and shared. It is when affection and closeness is offered and sought.
Pirate Russell: It is, at ve***RJ***least, the proper time to express thanks to the person who has shared this tiny segment of your life with you. It can be, and often is, the most beautiful part of a scene, and it is part of the scene.
Pirate Russell: To skip it altogether is as rude as having dinner at a friend's house, and bolting once you've eaten your fill.
Pirate Russell: Aftercare is basic to the planning of any SM scene, especially for intense, edgy scenes where the participants go deep.
Pirate Russell: Note that this is mostly written by a RL practitioner, but the online equivilent holds true
Pirate Russell: Play that is physically heavy, intensely emotional, or improvisational, with lots of twists and turns, can leave your partner shaken,
Pirate Russell: shaky, vulnerable and exposed, making it all the more crucial to guide them safely back to earth.
Pirate Russell: Some people, even after satisfying play, may experience "Crash": feelings of anxiety, exposure, embarrassment, guilt or emotional overload.
Pirate Russell: This is also called "Drop" in some places
Pirate Russell: In short, Crash is the SM equivalent to the post coital blues and how well you take care of your partner will say a great deal about what the scene really meant, whether it was just a quickie or a deep beautiful bond bringing you closer together as people
Pirate Russell: Aftercare also allows some recove***RJ***if things didn't go as well as they could have. In a "broken" scene, sensitive, compassionate and intelligent aftercare is all that stands between you and a bad reputation.
Pirate Russell: Aftercare is especially important following:
Pirate Russell: * Scenes that are demanding and intense
Pirate Russell: * Scenes that involve new partners or new techniques
Pirate Russell: * Scenes that involve punishment, humiliation or intimations of nonconsensuality
Pirate Russell: * Scenes that result in tears, screams, orgasm or emotional release.
Pirate Russell: * Scenes that have been interrupted by an accident, injury, fainting or unseemly act of God (Internet or SL crashes)
Pirate Russell: * Scenes that have "gone bad" resulting in anger, or upset, or ending on a safeword (both top and bottom may well need/appreciate some reassurance if this happens)
Pirate Russell: The emotional afterglow following the SM fireworks is not unlike the post coital buzz following sex, and your actions and words will speak five times louder than normal.
Pirate Russell: You can frame the scene beautifully with tenderness and respect, or blow it completely.
Pirate Russell: And just as a perfectly executed single tail strike would be calamitously wrong if it followed a safe-word, a wonderful scene can be wrecked by inexpert,
Pirate Russell: thoughtless or cavalier behavior once the "play phase" of the scene has ended.
Pirate Russell: Bad aftercare (a catego***RJ***including "No aftercare") can do damage that is basically incalculable.
Pirate Russell: It can leave your partner feeling queasy, unsatisfied, or used, ruin an otherwise great scene,
Pirate Russell: or damage the trust and affection your partner has in you if you are seen as arrogant, uncaring or clueless in that time of maximum tenderness and exposure. But if aftercare is done well it can double the impact of a good scene.
Pirate Russell: Aftercare can confirm that the scene just ended had meaning and the gifts of dominance and submission had value. It can attach the scene to the rest of your life in a way that it makes sense and is remembered as a good,
Pirate Russell: validating experience, even if it hurt like hell!
Pirate Russell: Note: There IS a difference between "Hurt" & "Injure", here, as well.
Pirate Russell: Why aftercare is often done poorly
Pirate Russell: * As important as it is, precious little has been written about Aftercare in the SM texts currently in print, and at the time of writing, it tends to be overlooked in educational forums.
Pirate Russell: In a real life BDSM club, The Black Rose, they did not prepare their first aftercare presentation until their twelfth year!
Pirate Russell: This is an extraordina***RJ***omission, when you think about it, because, unlike even SM staples like flogging, aftercare is - or should be - part of eve***RJ***scene we do!
Pirate Russell: * Unlike many other play techniques, there are no standard methodologies for how to do aftercare. Different personalities, tools, techniques, play intensities demand different levels of intimacy,
Pirate Russell: touching, and duration, and no single approach is ever guaranteed to work.
Pirate Russell: * In a party scenario, one, or both, players may be in a rush to move on to another scenes or may have a partner, or date, waiting for them.
Pirate Russell: * Because aftercare may be more physically intimate than the play phase of the scene, one or both players may not feel comfortable hugging and caressing a partner they feel happy to take a flogging from.
Pirate Russell: * Sheer ignorance: Many think the technical stuff concludes the scene is over, and have no idea how important aftercare is in making a good scene better. Bottoms are generally unaware that the top needs any support or gratitude when a scene has ended.
Pirate Russell: Because as Tops, we're supposed to be above it all, no pun intended.
Pirate Russell: The good news is that aftercare can be easily improved achieved through adherence to one simple principal: Active concern and care for your partner.
Pirate Russell: This is half of all the classes I teach, "Active concern and care for your partner", and the other half is the dreaded "C" word.... COMUNICATION!
Pirate Russell: Most people don't regard a scene as empty pageantry, but as a genuine connection between the real you and the real them.
Pirate Russell: Your behavior after a scene will dictate to a great extent how what the scene means to both of you. And the silver lining of aftercare is that caring action can salvage a weak,
Pirate Russell: or broken scene, and make a potentially unpleasant experience worthwhile anyway.
Pirate Russell: This content was 'borrowed' from http://www.thebdsmsite.org/KBTaftercare1.htm
Pirate Russell: That ends My talk, any questions, On Tues AM, questions included 'Self After Care" when one party leaves,
Pirate Russell: how does one know, and what type of After Care would a Top need.
Pirate Russell: and how does the transition to After Care, work
***JY***: well a top puts just as much emotional feelings into a scence as the bottom or somethings if not more cause of the complex thinking and care of the scence it's self can be draining
Pirate Russell: I appologize, I didn't have time to look those up, but they could be discussed if there are no questions, comments or dirty jokes!
***AT***: I have a question.
Pirate Russell: Ve***RJ***true, ***JY***, and some of us have more than one sub, so we do it more often, too
Pirate Russell: Yes, ***AT***?
***AT***: How do you know what is needed for aftercare, I mean what kind of things are needed to be covered for I know a casual scene probably doesn't need the same aftercare as a intense scene.
Pirate Russell: It depends on who's in the scene, their mood today, it's different if I'm mad at ***IM*** so I beat your ass, or if I do it recreationally
Pirate Russell: Different intensity on both sides of the whip
***JY***: This is off topic so to speak but Lady Pirate i would like to ask permission to publish your conversation with us to my webpage just making sure that is okay with you .. before i hit send
***IM*** smiles
Pirate Russell: Might just be a "thanks" might be a cuddle,
Pirate Russell: Might be an evening at THe Blue Note dancing... depends on the players
Pirate Russell: Yes, and I sell transcripts in the lobby 10L He he
Pirate Russell: This is almost verbatim from that other site, please cite them as well?
Pirate Russell: and I WAS KIDDING!
***JY***: yes i have your full conversation with link
***JY***: can pass you mine if you like to see it to double check
Pirate Russell: It's fine, I trust you,
***AT***: Something that just kinda popped into my mind, what is a good way to indicate a scene is over for there are some times when it's hard to tell when it is over or still continuing.
Pirate Russell: Well, this is where Communication comes in.
Pirate Russell: I'd prefer to hear, "Miss is that it?" to "I'm not Scening with You again, I thought we were done!"
***CV***: Thanks for the lovely class and word, but is off to watch a scene
Pirate Russell: Ok, ***CV***, let Me know if you want a transcript
***AT***: Lol, I guess that would do, just thought there might be some subtle way to let you know the scene is over instead of just blandly saying it.
Pirate Russell: Usually, I invite the .... recepiant of My attention, to the couch.... sofa.. or just let them out of the stocks
***CV***: usually cuddling at the end will let your partner know its over
***CV***: then you can talk or discuss it while cuddling
Pirate Russell: Ideally, the scene should be.. framed, at the begining, when you tell Me your safe word, etc
***IM***: Mistress, how much does the nature of aftercare change when a pair is together for just a scene as opposed to a permanant couple with an ongoing relationship?
Pirate Russell: Ongoing relationships always take more 'work' than One-Dungeon-Stands, by the same token, W/we know what each other likes and needs, more than a stranger would.
Pirate Russell: No magic answers to any of this, though.
Pirate Russell: One thing I learned in preparing this talk, is that My After Care VE***RJ***usually SUCKS!
***RJ*** looks shocked
Pirate Russell: Even after a love making session, there's After Care. Even if it's getting a warm washcloth to stem the wetspot phenomena
***IM*** giggles
Pirate Russell: And ry, girl will need some After Care, if she's not careful! ;-)
Pirate Russell: Outlawsmesa was here Tues, and she's a RL subby, and she says that one of the most important things she needs after a Scene, is fluids, and a nice warm blanke
Pirate Russell: It's all different things to different people, and often different things for the same Scene as last time
Pirate Russell: Any othe questions?
Pirate Russell: Comments
Pirate Russell: Dirty Jokes?
***IM***: What about continuing aftercare after a break. Is that feasable? Like if one has to leave suddenly. Would You attempt aftercare when Y/you are together again?
***IM***: Or would it be something else.
Pirate Russell: If needed or wanted, I sure would! Even for someone I just met.
***RJ***: probably situational agaion, like how long of a break..
Pirate Russell: 3, maybe 4 weeks, I don't know! LOL
Pirate Russell: I know there are irresponsible Dominants out there, but I figure, it's My job to heal the 'hurt' I've caused
Pirate Russell: But one of the things I'm taking from that web page is the "Active Concern for My partner"
***IM*** nods
***RJ***: smiles
***KC*** nods her head
Pirate Russell: Even if ***KS*** and I leave here and play, I'd be happy to help bring her down, and I dont' know her.
***KS*** smiles
Pirate Russell: ***IM***, ***RJ***, whom I own, ***KC*** and ***AT*** whom I KNOW WELL, would get at least as much consideration, now that I'm more enlightened
***KC*** beams
***RJ*** blushes
Pirate Russell: Any other questions, comments
Pirate Russell: I don't know about next week, but I'll do some more research on this an look into some Mechanics of After Care
Pirate Russell: Ok, then, that's all I have, anyone want a transcript when My beloved secreta***RJ***gets it together?
Starlooser Binder: well - like to get one
***KC*** raises her hands
***KS*** raises her hand as well
Pirate Russell: Ok, then Thank you all for coming, and as always, you can't come back next week, unless you bring a friend! LOL
Pirate Russell: Class Dismissed
2008/07/31 12:07

Pirate Russell: Welcome to House of V's College of Kink, My name is Pirate Russell, Head Mistress of the College, and today's instructor. I have been in SL for nearly 3 years, a lesbian Domme, the entire time.
Pirate Russell: Our topic today, "After Care".
Pirate Russell: Aftercare is the last act of the SM scene.
Pirate Russell: It is the culmination, the pulling together of all loose ends, the finishing touches, the final communion between sharers of the SM ritual, the phase where the participants (usually the tops) formally give the fantasy scene a context in everyday reality.
Pirate Russell: It's technical purpose is to transition both players from the elevated states created in a scene back into normalcy, returning to the control and awareness they will need to move on in RL and SL once the scene is over.
Pirate Russell: But as any good SM practitioner will tell you, it's much more than that.
Pirate Russell: It is the time after the action when the participants come together in mutual affirmation that something special was created and shared. It is when affection and closeness is offered and sought.
Pirate Russell: It is, at ve***RJ***least, the proper time to express thanks to the person who has shared this tiny segment of your life with you. It can be, and often is, the most beautiful part of a scene, and it is part of the scene.
Pirate Russell: To skip it altogether is as rude as having dinner at a friend's house, and bolting once you've eaten your fill.
Pirate Russell: Aftercare is basic to the planning of any SM scene, especially for intense, edgy scenes where the participants go deep.
Pirate Russell: Note that this is mostly written by a RL practitioner, but the online equivilent holds true
Pirate Russell: Play that is physically heavy, intensely emotional, or improvisational, with lots of twists and turns, can leave your partner shaken,
Pirate Russell: shaky, vulnerable and exposed, making it all the more crucial to guide them safely back to earth.
Pirate Russell: Some people, even after satisfying play, may experience "Crash": feelings of anxiety, exposure, embarrassment, guilt or emotional overload.
Pirate Russell: This is also called "Drop" in some places
Pirate Russell: In short, Crash is the SM equivalent to the post coital blues and how well you take care of your partner will say a great deal about what the scene really meant, whether it was just a quickie or a deep beautiful bond bringing you closer together as people
Pirate Russell: Aftercare also allows some recove***RJ***if things didn't go as well as they could have. In a "broken" scene, sensitive, compassionate and intelligent aftercare is all that stands between you and a bad reputation.
Pirate Russell: Aftercare is especially important following:
Pirate Russell: * Scenes that are demanding and intense
Pirate Russell: * Scenes that involve new partners or new techniques
Pirate Russell: * Scenes that involve punishment, humiliation or intimations of nonconsensuality
Pirate Russell: * Scenes that result in tears, screams, orgasm or emotional release.
Pirate Russell: * Scenes that have been interrupted by an accident, injury, fainting or unseemly act of God (Internet or SL crashes)
Pirate Russell: * Scenes that have "gone bad" resulting in anger, or upset, or ending on a safeword (both top and bottom may well need/appreciate some reassurance if this happens)
Pirate Russell: The emotional afterglow following the SM fireworks is not unlike the post coital buzz following sex, and your actions and words will speak five times louder than normal.
Pirate Russell: You can frame the scene beautifully with tenderness and respect, or blow it completely.
Pirate Russell: And just as a perfectly executed single tail strike would be calamitously wrong if it followed a safe-word, a wonderful scene can be wrecked by inexpert,
Pirate Russell: thoughtless or cavalier behavior once the "play phase" of the scene has ended.
Pirate Russell: Bad aftercare (a catego***RJ***including "No aftercare") can do damage that is basically incalculable.
Pirate Russell: It can leave your partner feeling queasy, unsatisfied, or used, ruin an otherwise great scene,
Pirate Russell: or damage the trust and affection your partner has in you if you are seen as arrogant, uncaring or clueless in that time of maximum tenderness and exposure. But if aftercare is done well it can double the impact of a good scene.
Pirate Russell: Aftercare can confirm that the scene just ended had meaning and the gifts of dominance and submission had value. It can attach the scene to the rest of your life in a way that it makes sense and is remembered as a good,
Pirate Russell: validating experience, even if it hurt like hell!
Pirate Russell: Note: There IS a difference between "Hurt" & "Injure", here, as well.
Pirate Russell: Why aftercare is often done poorly
Pirate Russell: * As important as it is, precious little has been written about Aftercare in the SM texts currently in print, and at the time of writing, it tends to be overlooked in educational forums.
Pirate Russell: In a real life BDSM club, The Black Rose, they did not prepare their first aftercare presentation until their twelfth year!
Pirate Russell: This is an extraordina***RJ***omission, when you think about it, because, unlike even SM staples like flogging, aftercare is - or should be - part of eve***RJ***scene we do!
Pirate Russell: * Unlike many other play techniques, there are no standard methodologies for how to do aftercare. Different personalities, tools, techniques, play intensities demand different levels of intimacy,
Pirate Russell: touching, and duration, and no single approach is ever guaranteed to work.
Pirate Russell: * In a party scenario, one, or both, players may be in a rush to move on to another scenes or may have a partner, or date, waiting for them.
Pirate Russell: * Because aftercare may be more physically intimate than the play phase of the scene, one or both players may not feel comfortable hugging and caressing a partner they feel happy to take a flogging from.
Pirate Russell: * Sheer ignorance: Many think the technical stuff concludes the scene is over, and have no idea how important aftercare is in making a good scene better. Bottoms are generally unaware that the top needs any support or gratitude when a scene has ended.
Pirate Russell: Because as Tops, we're supposed to be above it all, no pun intended.
Pirate Russell: The good news is that aftercare can be easily improved achieved through adherence to one simple principal: Active concern and care for your partner.
Pirate Russell: This is half of all the classes I teach, "Active concern and care for your partner", and the other half is the dreaded "C" word.... COMUNICATION!
Pirate Russell: Most people don't regard a scene as empty pageantry, but as a genuine connection between the real you and the real them.
Pirate Russell: Your behavior after a scene will dictate to a great extent how what the scene means to both of you. And the silver lining of aftercare is that caring action can salvage a weak,
Pirate Russell: or broken scene, and make a potentially unpleasant experience worthwhile anyway.
Pirate Russell: This content was 'borrowed' from http://www.thebdsmsite.org/KBTaftercare1.htm
Pirate Russell: That ends My talk, any questions, On Tues AM, questions included 'Self After Care" when one party leaves,
Pirate Russell: how does one know, and what type of After Care would a Top need.
Pirate Russell: and how does the transition to After Care, work
***JY***: well a top puts just as much emotional feelings into a scence as the bottom or somethings if not more cause of the complex thinking and care of the scence it's self can be draining
Pirate Russell: I appologize, I didn't have time to look those up, but they could be discussed if there are no questions, comments or dirty jokes!
***AT***: I have a question.
Pirate Russell: Ve***RJ***true, ***JY***, and some of us have more than one sub, so we do it more often, too
Pirate Russell: Yes, ***AT***?
***AT***: How do you know what is needed for aftercare, I mean what kind of things are needed to be covered for I know a casual scene probably doesn't need the same aftercare as a intense scene.
Pirate Russell: It depends on who's in the scene, their mood today, it's different if I'm mad at ***IM*** so I beat your ass, or if I do it recreationally
Pirate Russell: Different intensity on both sides of the whip
***JY***: This is off topic so to speak but Lady Pirate i would like to ask permission to publish your conversation with us to my webpage just making sure that is okay with you .. before i hit send
***IM*** smiles
Pirate Russell: Might just be a "thanks" might be a cuddle,
Pirate Russell: Might be an evening at THe Blue Note dancing... depends on the players
Pirate Russell: Yes, and I sell transcripts in the lobby 10L He he
Pirate Russell: This is almost verbatim from that other site, please cite them as well?
Pirate Russell: and I WAS KIDDING!
***JY***: yes i have your full conversation with link
***JY***: can pass you mine if you like to see it to double check
Pirate Russell: It's fine, I trust you,
***AT***: Something that just kinda popped into my mind, what is a good way to indicate a scene is over for there are some times when it's hard to tell when it is over or still continuing.
Pirate Russell: Well, this is where Communication comes in.
Pirate Russell: I'd prefer to hear, "Miss is that it?" to "I'm not Scening with You again, I thought we were done!"
***CV***: Thanks for the lovely class and word, but is off to watch a scene
Pirate Russell: Ok, ***CV***, let Me know if you want a transcript
***AT***: Lol, I guess that would do, just thought there might be some subtle way to let you know the scene is over instead of just blandly saying it.
Pirate Russell: Usually, I invite the .... recepiant of My attention, to the couch.... sofa.. or just let them out of the stocks
***CV***: usually cuddling at the end will let your partner know its over
***CV***: then you can talk or discuss it while cuddling
Pirate Russell: Ideally, the scene should be.. framed, at the begining, when you tell Me your safe word, etc
***IM***: Mistress, how much does the nature of aftercare change when a pair is together for just a scene as opposed to a permanant couple with an ongoing relationship?
Pirate Russell: Ongoing relationships always take more 'work' than One-Dungeon-Stands, by the same token, W/we know what each other likes and needs, more than a stranger would.
Pirate Russell: No magic answers to any of this, though.
Pirate Russell: One thing I learned in preparing this talk, is that My After Care VE***RJ***usually SUCKS!
***RJ*** looks shocked
Pirate Russell: Even after a love making session, there's After Care. Even if it's getting a warm washcloth to stem the wetspot phenomena
***IM*** giggles
Pirate Russell: And ry, girl will need some After Care, if she's not careful! ;-)
Pirate Russell: Outlawsmesa was here Tues, and she's a RL subby, and she says that one of the most important things she needs after a Scene, is fluids, and a nice warm blanke
Pirate Russell: It's all different things to different people, and often different things for the same Scene as last time
Pirate Russell: Any othe questions?
Pirate Russell: Comments
Pirate Russell: Dirty Jokes?
***IM***: What about continuing aftercare after a break. Is that feasable? Like if one has to leave suddenly. Would You attempt aftercare when Y/you are together again?
***IM***: Or would it be something else.
Pirate Russell: If needed or wanted, I sure would! Even for someone I just met.
***RJ***: probably situational agaion, like how long of a break..
Pirate Russell: 3, maybe 4 weeks, I don't know! LOL
Pirate Russell: I know there are irresponsible Dominants out there, but I figure, it's My job to heal the 'hurt' I've caused
Pirate Russell: But one of the things I'm taking from that web page is the "Active Concern for My partner"
***IM*** nods
***RJ***: smiles
***KC*** nods her head
Pirate Russell: Even if ***KS*** and I leave here and play, I'd be happy to help bring her down, and I dont' know her.
***KS*** smiles
Pirate Russell: ***IM***, ***RJ***, whom I own, ***KC*** and ***AT*** whom I KNOW WELL, would get at least as much consideration, now that I'm more enlightened
***KC*** beams
***RJ*** blushes
Pirate Russell: Any other questions, comments
Pirate Russell: I don't know about next week, but I'll do some more research on this an look into some Mechanics of After Care
Pirate Russell: Ok, then, that's all I have, anyone want a transcript when My beloved secreta***RJ***gets it together?
Starlooser Binder: well - like to get one
***KC*** raises her hands
***KS*** raises her hand as well
Pirate Russell: Ok, then Thank you all for coming, and as always, you can't come back next week, unless you bring a friend! LOL
Pirate Russell: Class Dismissed