Pirate Russell: As most of you know, I'm Pirate Russell been in SL for 2 3/4 yrs all of that a Domme. I happen to own ***IM***, here, and used to own kiri
Pirate Russell: What I want to discuss with y'all is basically bondage 101, and it was actually inspired by kiri's bad experince with starting out in SL BDSM
Pirate Russell: I'm gonna toss out about 5-10 min of .... stuff.... and then I'd like U/us to all jump in and talk, this is relaxed, and NOT subject to Member Day for the next hr or so,
Pirate Russell: Let's get started....
Pirate Russell: First, a D/s relationship is just that, a RELATIONSHP. Not unlike a Marriage in RL, or Partnership in SL
Pirate Russell: I have had some... bad fits, and some WONDERFUL fits
Pirate Russell: Since y'all are primarily subbies, I'm gonna start with the submissive Rights document I've found
Pirate Russell: TThen I wann touch a little on Dom(me) responsibilities.
Pirate Russell: 1) You have the right to be respected. No one should be ordering you around or expecting you to answer questions or doing things you're not comfortable with.
Pirate Russell: Oh, let Me back up... any good Dom(me) recognizes that sumission is a GIFT, the GIFT of girl, or boy, to the Dom(me)
Pirate Russell: Now... back to 1
Pirate Russell: 1) You have the right to be respected. No one should be ordering you around or expecting you to answer questions or doing things you're not comfortable with.
Pirate Russell: 2) You have the right to your freedom. Just because someone is interested in you, they can't take your freedom from you. Don't let anyone try to intimidate you; you belong to no one until you offer yourself to them. They can't restrict you in any way until you allow that; and they try.
Pirate Russell: 3) You have a right to be satisfied--emotionally and physically. This is a relationship, kids. While the power control aspect does add a few kinks (pun intended) into the mix, you don't get extra points for making yourself into a sacrificial lamb for someone else's amusement and/or satisfaction. Get what you need or find someone else that will give it to you.
Pirate Russell: 4) You have a right to take your time and not rush into anything # ever. Being chained in the doorway, naked and # vulnerable # isn't really a good time to find out your Dominant wants to explore their sadistic side a little more. Talk, talk, talk # and talk some more. If you have concerns that aren't addressed, move on. It's not worth the risk.
Pirate Russell: 5) You DON'T have a right to play "needy and desperate." Who in the world wants to own someone that doesn't have a backbone and will submit to anyone for any reason? Big satisfaction potential there.
Pirate Russell: 6) You have a right to respect yourself. This means holding out for the relationship YOU want and not being talked into the relationship someone else wants with you. You're submissive, not stupid and, if you're not going to be happy, you're only wasting everyone's time. And, a collar # any collar # isn't worth your peace of mind. Honest. It has to be the right one.
Pirate Russell: 7) You have a right to be safe. This means having the identity of the one you're going to be spending time with. If you have concerns, tell them. If they don't readily offer information you request, wonder why. And, keep moving.
Pirate Russell: 8) You have the right to enjoy this # always. If you find you're in a relationship that's bringing more tears, confusion and unreasonable or uncomfortable demands than smiles and # warm fuzzies # take some time to pull back and see what's going on or talk with someone else about it, either your Dominant or a friend who knows the lifestyle. It's very possible that you've fallen into the "comfort zone" of being in a relationship just to be in a relationship. That's no good. The same basics apply here as anywhere; something's wrong if you're taking medication just to get up in the morning. You deserve more than that. Have the courage to find it. You'll be glad you did!"
Pirate Russell: Most of those are a mouth full and I'll give each of you a copy, but it comes down to, girls, and boys, have a right to choose the relationship that makes them happy, fulfilled, or in pain (the fun kind) as wished by the SUBMISSIVE!
Pirate Russell: Questions? Comments?
***TL***: i think i screwed up all of them when i first came to SL
***KC***: for sure this girl did
***IM***: It sounds like the perfect relationship is impossible to find, how does one find these things or know when she finds them?
Pirate Russell: Well, LOTS of U/us do. And more often than not, perfectly good submissives, decide away from D/s, and sometimes SL
***TL***: they just happen, and you will know it when it does
Pirate Russell: No, they take work and nurturing, just like RL.
Pirate Russell: One of My girls is terribly hurt that I'm doing this and not spending time with her
Pirate Russell: That is something she and I will have to work thru
Pirate Russell: And ***IM***, you're right, VERY few "Perfect Relationships" are out there, most of us compromise on one thing to get another
Pirate Russell: ((this is really hard.. I'm watching the body english of the poseballs, like I would public speaking in RL.... he he))
***TL*** nods
***IM***: Is it expected that one go throught a bunch of Dom(me)s or subs until they find the right person? Like dating before getting married?
***IM***: Because it seems difficult to submit without submitting completely.
Pirate Russell: Yes, that's a GREAT analogy. Just because you get Dommed, that doesn't mean that she owns you! I have SEVERAL girls that I see OCCASIONALLY, when ***IM*** allowes.. LOL. They're fun to play with, but not someone I'd want in My family
***IM*** giggles
Pirate Russell: I'd suggest submitting as fully as you like, on a session by session basis, until you find someone you wanna get... serious with.
Pirate Russell: I know it sounds like 'sluttery' but... domination doesn't have to be about sex, well not ALL the time.. LOL
Pirate Russell: But the big dirty secret of online D/s Relationships is: submissives have ALL the power! if one day, ***IM*** decides, "The hell with Her", she can take off her collar, drop Me from Friends lists, get Me banned from where she hangs out, and Mute Me....... and I can't do a thing about it
***IM*** takes notes..... *giggle*
***KC*** looks over at ***IM*** and laughs
Pirate Russell: I kinda hope we'd have talked by then, and we'd worked toghether to try to fix it
Pirate Russell: Hiya ***LL***, have a seat!
***LL***: heya, ty, fighting the lag at my end
Pirate Russell: Hi ***JM***, this is what we're discussing...
***JM***: hello Miss
***JM***: hello A/all
***JM***: thank you Miss
Pirate Russell: Thumnail catch up
Pirate Russell: Subbies have a right to be happy and pick their Dominants as We have the right to pick a subby
***JM*** nods
Pirate Russell: And that some preditors will force girls into relationships they don't want, before the girls are ready
Pirate Russell: and that trying out Dominants is not unlike dating, by submitting on a scene by scene basis, not forever on one night
Pirate Russell: or sceen
Pirate Russell: eep scene
Pirate Russell: And I'd thrown it open for discussion
***IM***: It's not too hard to see the black and white of the relationship and how to go all the way or end it. But sometimes there are subtle things, like a good relationship that starts to work into abuse, how does one recognize that and deal with it, like if a dom(me) wants to expand into new things that a sub isn't comfortable with...how does one deal with that?
***IM***: And is it time to start dating again then?
Pirate Russell: By talking, ro one thing
Pirate Russell: er for one thing
Pirate Russell: Let the Dominant know that this isn't fun for you. Or that you'll give it a try and see how it goes.
Pirate Russell: girl knows, that I wanna know when she's not having fun
Pirate Russell: But COMMUNICATION is the key in ANY relationship, be it RL or SL, Business or Romantic, etc
Pirate Russell changes Her name to Dr PHIL-LYS... he he
Pirate Russell whispers
***KC*** giggles
***IM*** gets the list out.....
Pirate Russell: EEP!
***IM*** giggles
***JM*** smiles
Pirate Russell: So, assuming that answered girls question, any thing else on the subby rights?
Pirate Russell: Any other quesitons, comments, or dirty jokes?
Pirate Russell: Ok, the last thing I wanna touch on is some of the responsibilites of We Dominants
***LL***: I shutter to call myself a Dom, if at any time..I forget as simple a word as No...
Pirate Russell: he he...
***LL***: coments are slow, i am lagging terribly
Pirate Russell: Well, I can't find the card I'm looking for, I am subby only to My inventory!
Pirate Russell: ***GP***, you'll have to stay after class! LOL
***GP***: well a big sign here outside
***GP***: you should try it
Pirate Russell: Well what I can put My hands on is something called "Dominant's Creed"
Pirate Russell: The first and in My min, most impoorant is "Above all else a Dom/me cherishes Their submissive, in the knowledge that the gift the submissive gives Them is the greatest gift of all. "
***IM***: (( /me looks around at the poseball animations ... they ARE terrible! ))
Pirate Russell: A Dom/me is in control of Themselves first and foremost, so that They may control others.
Pirate Russell: In times of trouble, a Dom/me will leave the roles behind, to be a supportive friend and partner, never forgetting that this is still a loving relationship between two caring individuals.
Pirate Russell: To win a submissive's mind, body, spirit, soul, and love, a Dom/me knows They must first win their trust.
Pirate Russell: I was discussing this this week, and a very wise subby says that she calls a dominant Sir/Miss until they EARN the title "Master/Mistress". I LIKE that alot, if I ever collar another, that will be My policy
***TL***: that is nice
***KC*** nods
Pirate Russell: I'm not likely to collar another for a LONG time, I'm short of time as it is
Pirate Russell: A Dom/me is always open to communication and discussion; always ready to hear Their submissive's wants and needs.
***LL***: [7:02] Pirate Russell: To win a submissive's mind, body, spirit, soul, and love, a Dom/me knows They must first win their trust. a key word? Win, I think it wise, that a subby understand, that it is just as easily a trust, that can be lost. or for that matter, revoked, by an "Abussive" Dom/me
Pirate Russell: Exactly, ***LL***!
Pirate Russell: That goes back to what I was saying earlier, kind of in jest, but if ***IM*** here has a problem with Me or My sstyle of play, etc. I would HOPE she, or any of My other girls would bring it to Me, and discuss it before dropping that collar in My lap and walking out
Pirate Russell: A Dom/me understands the fragile nature of mind and body and never violates the trust given to Them.
Pirate Russell: I have violated this one, somewhat unwhittingly, and it cuts deep, still. Something I'll NEVER do again!
Pirate Russell: Well, W/we're coming up on our hour, is there anyting A/anyone wants to address before W/we close?
Pirate Russell: To include any suggestions for future classes?
Pirate Russell: WB ***JM***!
***JM***: thank Miss
***IM***: girl would like to address how to recognise and deal with these issues in future classes, Miss.
***TL***: you may want to include a roll playing for newbie
***TL***: it took me months to learn how
Pirate Russell: Ok, as in when to kneel, who to call Sir/Ma'am, etc?
***TL***: and how to emote,
***TL*** thinks about how to add narative to the scene
Pirate Russell: Ok, I can do that! I also want to do a how to be a Dominant class, too!
***TL***: YES!!!!!
Pirate Russell: At least how to be a caring Dominant, he he
***TL***: as a switch, it is hard for me
***IM*** nods. That must be difficult.
***LL***: Agreed!!
Pirate Russell: I know, one of My girls switches, and works out being both when Me, girl and girl's pet (My grand pet?) are toghether
***JM*** thinks her Miss does just fine
***TL*** smiles at the treasure
Pirate Russell: Ahhh, didn't realize we had another ... um .... P/pair here he he
Pirate Russell: for those that came late, ***IM*** is Mine
***JM*** changes her tag to reflect this
Pirate Russell: Well, that about does it for today, on Thursday I'll be revisiting this, or if it's the same folks W/we'll go more indepth
Pirate Russell: BDSM 101a he he
***TL***: thank you MIss
***IM***: Thank You, Mistress.
Pirate Russell: Anything else?? ***GP***?
***KC***: thank You Miss Pirate
***JM***: thank you Miss
Pirate Russell: This is My pleasure, Iv'e seen too many girls leave the lifestyle, because they didn't know they're allowed to be happy in a D/s relationship
***GP***: Not as far as I am concerned
Pirate Russell: Well, now I can chalk up one more thing in SL that I DO NOT do in RL.... public speaking! he he
***GP***: You like it Pirate?
***TL***: you did fine MIss
***IM*** beams at her Mistress.
Pirate Russell: Actually I hate it in RL, but once I'm going, I LOVE it!
***KC***: this girl thought the discussion was very good
***TL***: adn the body language of the pose balls really does not help
Pirate Russell: Thse ARE sucky animations though
***GP***: the place is way too big for a small group like this
Pirate Russell: I stoppes watching them, he he, and if we stay small, we'll move to Diva's or someplace a little more intimate
ricIS Blessed claps for Pirate Russell "thank you for the class"
Pirate Russell: My pleasure to you all
***GP***: Diva is restricted to males
Pirate Russell: Great point, thanks!
Pirate Russell: Maybe I'll rent HOV gold or something.. he he
***KC***: Sir girl goes to a Diva discussion
Pirate Russell: I won't keep it a secret, I promise
***KC***: W/we meet every Mon. and Thurs
Pirate Russell: I know kiri, but Diva's is a women only club!
***GP***: But these lectures are for all, not just girls
***KC***: oh ok sorry.
***KC***: SLAP!
Pirate Russell: OUCH! LOL
***IM*** giggles. girl thought sir meant it was men's only and was confused too.
***GP***: I could activate my female alt of course ;-)
Pirate Russell: Anyway, unless y'all got anything at all, that's all I got
***KC***: thank again Miss Pirate
***LL***: touchy bit of info that might be added
Pirate Russell: yes, ***LL***?
***LL***: is that, in most cases, even the law is on the side, of when anyone, let alon a subby is abused.
***TL***: yes, abuse is abuse
Pirate Russell: yes, I should touch on that, too. I will on Thur
***JM*** nods
Pirate Russell: That's part of the bottom line, this is supposed to be fun, and y'all have the right to be happy!
Pirate Russell: But I'll work that in. And if any want the subby rights, or Dom Creed, holla!
2008/07/08 7:26 End
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